Society feels even more uncomfortable about little boys ‘not acting like boys’.
The faces if you dare dress your boy in pink … straight-up confusion. Their brains will not compute and they’ll scramble to come up with some excuse for why you were forced to put this wee little man in a ‘girl’s colour’. Perhaps you are poor and cannot afford clothes and these were things given to you by a charity? Perhaps you aren’t quite stable and you need a lie-down because, sweet mumma, you’ve dressed your BOY in PINK. Did you notice that?
Little boys are sensitive souls. They feel things just like we do. But society wants them to not feel things. Boys shouldn’t cry. They shouldn’t whinge or complain. They shouldn’t feel pain when they fall over. They shouldn’t need comfort and cuddles. They’re just tiny little boys—babies—who need their mum’s cuddles just as much as little girls do, who feel that graze on their knee like anyone else would, who get scared of loud noises and new places just like any child would. Yet adults get annoyed if they cry.
Little boys who are taught not to bother anyone with their feelings are boys who grow up unable to ask for help when those feelings start to drag them under.
Or they stuff their feelings down deep until they don’t even know what to do with them except hit.
Little boys who don’t know how to manage their emotions become big boys who throw coward punches in pubs. Because those big boys are feeling big emotions but they’ve never understood or been able to deal with those feelings—so they lash out. They’re just angry little boys who never grew up.
But we tell boys that showing emotion is girly. ‘Stop acting like a girl’, people will say.
When I hear this said to a little boy, it makes me want to roundhouse-kick the dickhead who said it, straight in the windpipe. Don’t even get me started on what I want to do when I hear them say this in front of THEIR DAUGHTER.
You know what this says to a little boy?
It says to him that girls are weak and silly. Girls are whiny and annoying. Girls are ‘less than’ boys. Acting like a girl is the worst thing you can do.
So that little boy grows up believing that being a boy is infinitely better than being a girl, with the added bonus of learning that to ‘be a man’ he should never show emotion.
Has anyone ever said to a girl, ‘Stop acting like a boy’?
What the hell is wrong with acting like a girl?
I’m a girl and I’M SENSATIONAL.
Boys need to be allowed to feel things, they need to be allowed to play with dolls and ‘girl’ toys because it’s how they express their caring side.
Little boys love playing with dolls because they want to be like mum. They watch mum wrap up babies, and cuddle and love them, and they want to be like her. Their little hearts are caring and nurturing and they want to show that through imaginative play.
‘Caring’ isn’t a ‘woman’s job’ unless we tell little boys it is. Being tender, sweet and considerate isn’t shameful or weird and boys don’t need to smash things up to be a ‘boy’.
What harm is being done to a little boy who is learning how to care? What are we so afraid will happen? That boys will become soft? That they’ll learn to show empathy and tenderness to people? How terrifying.
Darling boy,
I want you to be happy, most of all. But I’ll never turn away from you if you’re sad. I’ll never tell you not to feel angry. I’ll never be disappointed in you if you’re scared.
I can’t carry your emotions for you but you won’t ever have to travel through them alone. I’ll forever walk beside you, sharing your anger, your joy and your fear. It’s my job. I love you.
I love how big you feel things. And I will protect your right to show it, for as long as you’ll let me.
Your sensitive soul, your gentleness, your compassion and your kindness—these are the very best parts of you. Don’t ever hide them away. Being a ‘man’ doesn’t mean hiding your heart, it means having no fear in sharing it.
And your heart is your strength.
It makes you a wonderful friend because you have empathy for other people.
It makes you smart and observant because you see all the possibilities laid out in front of you before you take your first steps.
You have no instinct to hurt people and this will keep you safe in life. People who swing before they think never win. Walking away is the smartest thing you’ll ever do and I’m so glad that’s how you’re built.
My sweet boy, you don’t have to be tough. You don’t have to be rough. You don’t need to be loud or bold if you don’t want to be. You don’t need to ‘man up’ or take it on the chin. It’s not your job to hide your feelings to make other people feel comfortable.
Be kind, be caring, be gentle and sweet. Use your words. Tell me everything.
That’s how you’ll change the world, my darling. You’re a thinker and a planner and you like to know all the information before you do anything.
I want you to know how proud I am of you and how hard I see you work. You are everything I want—and more. And you’ll never need to change to make me happy.
You were born with a heart, my boy, and I never want you to hide it.
I love you.
Love Mummy xxx