The ‘natural’, instinctual ritual of breastfeeding doesn’t always work. Enduring the struggle—or accepting the ‘failure’—can almost break some women.
It might be ‘natural’, it might be what our bodies are ‘supposed to do’, but for some women it’ll be the hardest thing they’ve ever done.
It’ll be the pain for some—a pain so bad it makes them nauseous. No matter what they do—using nipple shields, checking for tongue ties, going to countless appointments with lactation consultants—some women will never be able to feed without pain. Cracked and bleeding nipples that never get a chance to heal, thrush, mastitis … putting a hungry baby onto the breast can feel like sticking a rusty knife into a bullet wound. Over and over and over again.
The fear of the next feed can leave you dreading being near your baby. If you need to spend hours and hours a day feeding, it’s hours and hours in pain.
For others it’ll be a lack of milk supply. Some women will torture themselves, trying to make more milk—all the drugs, herbal supplements and round-the-clock pumping to FORCE their bodies to produce more. For some, it won’t matter what you do: that milk won’t come, and the screaming, hungry baby will tear at your heart like nothing you’ve ever felt before.
We need to feed our babies. It’s our number one instinct. It’s survival. Eating means living, and not being able to feed your baby because your body just won’t let you is a crushing blow. Even though logically we know switching to formula is the best plan for everyone—for the baby’s survival and for our own mental health—it can still cause grief that lingers long after the baby has weaned.
The thing no one tells you is: sometimes it’s your baby’s fault. You could be doing everything right—you could have milk for days and be raring to go—but some little possums can never quite figure it out. A tongue or lip tie, a recessed chin, plain old fussiness … some little tackers just can’t do it and you’ll both end up in pain and tears because of it.
Some women will have to work at it. They’ll work so hard, for months and months on end, to feed their babies. They’ll push through the pain, they’ll turn their lives upside down to get their supply going, they’ll exclusively pump for babies who simply can’t get their latch happening.
The determination and dedication of some mothers to feed their babies is mind blowing. Even when their bodies are telling them to stop, they push through because it’s important to them.
But sometimes strength comes in seeing that a happy mum and a fed baby are more important than any expectation you may have placed on yourself.
Sometimes, strength means letting go.