In a 2005 issue of CosmoGirl, there is a photo of a girl approaching a guy carrying a box of condoms and a can of whipped cream. The caption reads, “Sophia’s got Chad totally whipped.”1
What images come to your mind when you think about that ad? Are you thinking about Thanksgiving dinner and whipped cream on pumpkin pie? Not likely. You may be grossed out or subtly intrigued, but either way you are thinking about sex. You’ve been influenced, even if in just a small way, by the words on the page. Is it possible to see that ad and not at least have a passing thought about sex?
The fact is, the more you hear and see images and words about sex, the more you become curious about sex. Why? God made you to want and enjoy sex. You were created as a spiritual being with sexual desires.
In the October 2006 issue of Seventeen Magazine, these three articles are back to back:
1. Is Your Life at Risk? Here are health facts smart girls like you might not know. (Three of the four “risks” give a clear message of the danger of “unsafe sex.”)
2. Why He Doesn’t Turn You On: Not into hooking up with your guy? Here are some common reasons why that may be the case. (This article helps girls to understand why they don’t get excited about sex with their boyfriends.)
3. Condoms 101: What you need to know. Even if you’re not having sex, learning about condoms will make sure you’re safe when it’s time. (This article includes facts on “safe sex,” including drawings on how to put a condom on a penis as well as a warning that the only way to 100 percent guarantee you won’t get pregnant is not to have sex.)
These articles are intended to help girls be safe and to help them feel better about themselves, but they also present the most potent, powerful and deceptive lie dressed up in truth’s clothing: the lie that “Everybody’s doing it.”
Seventeen Magazine is no different than many music videos, movies, television shows, and many of our friends, parents and other adults who not only believe but perpetuate the lie that everybody is either having sex or will have sex sometime before they are married.
In this lesson we’ll undress that lie as well as the lie “I just listen to the beat.”
Before we jump into the lesson, let’s do a quick review of what we’ve learned so far.
As you prepare to listen to Lakita, ask God in prayer to use this time to help you gain wisdom about the choices you are making in your life.
As you watch the video, be sure to write down your thoughts and questions.
Popular music and other media influences would have us believe the lie that “Everybody’s doing it.” But is it true? Is everybody doing it? Let’s take a quick survey and then do a little science experiment to find out.
Short and Sweet Survey
(circle one)
What percentages of high school students have had sex before graduating high school?
a. less than 25%
b. 25% to 49%
c. 50% to 74%
d. 75%
Of those who have had sex, what percentage wish they had waited?
a. less than 25%
b. 25% to 49%
c. 50% to 74%
d. 75%
What are the pressures from the outside that cause young people to have sex before marriage, to drink, to do drugs or to behave in other ways that have negative consequences?
Peer pressure (e.g., to be popular you have to have sex)
Boyfriend or girlfriend
What are the pressures on the inside of a person that help him or her overcome those outside pressures?
The Holy Spirit
Boundaries that you have set
Respect for yourself and the principles that you have established for your life
Respect for the other person and respect for your future mate
Respect for your religious beliefs
Respect for your parents
The Bible has a lot to say about how we are influenced by our friends, and suggests that what we listen to has a big impact on the ways we think and act.
The psalms are a great example of the kinds of words we should fill our minds with—it is a great worship book. The psalms tell about God and about people. David, the guy who got Bathsheba pregnant because he didn’t control his sexual urges, wrote many psalms that are included in the Bible. David understood both how to follow God and what situations can turn us away from God.
Read Psalm 1.
The Bible uses the word “blessed” to describe someone who is content, happy and feeling extremely good in his or her soul. To be blessed is to be close to God and to enjoy the people and events God has placed in your life. This passage describes what you should and should not do in order to experience God’s blessing.
According to this psalm, what do you need to avoid if you want to be blessed?
This psalm describes a pattern of bad influences, which slowly becomes a part of your life. First, you walk with the idea of doing something. Second, you stand and follow the way of a bad idea. And finally, you embrace it by sitting and staying awhile with bad influences. The more you hang out with “bad counsel” the greater influence it will have over you.
In what ways do you see Christians “walking with” the idea of having sex long before they actually have sex?
According to this psalm, what should you do in order to feel blessed?
When you think about how you spend your time, what you read, what you see on television or at the movies, do you think you get more messages from God’s Word about sexuality or more messages from other “counsel”?
Let’s do some sexual research of our own. Sound good?
In your small group, study the lyrics of three songs given to you by your group leader. After reading the lyrics together, answer the following questions:
What’s the basic message about sex in this song?
Does this particular song encourage or discourage the message of abstinence?
Lakita tells us that the best way to be successful in a decision to remain abstinent is to begin with the end in mind, make a plan and then find others who will support you. If Lakita hadn’t known what she really wanted in the end, she could have been crushed at the commercial shoot. But she knew the end she had in mind for herself.
The fact is that not everybody is doing it, and for those who have done it, many regret that they ever did. If they had planned ahead with the end in mind, they might not have those regrets.
Below is a list of scenarios that you might face sometime in your life. Take some time to decide in advance what you might do in these situations. In the discussion time after this exercise, take some time to talk about situations that you’ve already encountered or have heard about from others.
What would you do if:
Your boyfriend or girlfriend asks you to go spend time at his/her home when no one else is there
You arrive at a boyfriend or girlfriend’s house and discover that no one else is home
You’re at a party where people are drinking and your date offers you a drink
You’ve been dating a person for three months and he/she tells you that he/she believes that you’re ready to have sex
After you’ve had a chance to write your responses, develop some strategies as a group that might work if you found yourself in those situations.
One of the first things the Holy Spirit told Lakita when she became a Christian as a teenager was, “You will be seen by the eyes of millions, but you are to perform for an audience of One.” God is that audience of One. When you place God first, you’ll find that the desire to please Him will far outweigh any pressure you feel from the outside. When God comes first, you’ll be like the full, unopened soda can, not crushed by the influence of friends, the media or even your own passions.
The apostle Paul knew a lot about the pressure to conform to the world and the ability that God has to transform our minds to resist those pressures. He wrote:
I appeal to you therefore, [brothers and sisters], by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God, that which is good and acceptable and perfect (Romans 12:1-2, NASB).
What can you do to place God first and to present your body to Him as an act of worship?
Describe how a person would live if they had a renewed mind that knew God’s will.
When you are focused on God and what He thinks about you, then it doesn’t matter what kind of pressure others put on you. You couldn’t care less.
Note
1. Rebecca Grace, “Teen Magazines Send Mixed Messages,” AgapePress, October 17, 2005. http://headlines.agapepress.org/archive/10/172005a.asp (accessed on November 16, 2006).