How fat do you have to be before it’s too late to start dieting?
As a college student at Indiana University, Jared Fogle weighed 425 pounds. He was huge. He tried many diets but nothing worked, and at times he felt that—since he had gained so much weight—there was no point in dieting. After all, he had already blown it.
Jared then discovered the Subway sandwich and the rest is history. Jared lost over 230 pounds and now weights 190.1 Before he discovered this new weight-loss solution, he was tempted to believe a lie that because he had made mistakes in his past, he couldn’t make good decisions in the future. That’s a lie that needs to be undressed.
Is it ever too late to start doing the right thing?
Nature, experience and God’s Word all point to this simple truth: It’s never too late.
• When a person stops smoking cigarettes, his or her lungs immediately start to heal.
• When a person begins an exercise program, the body begins to move almost immediately toward better health.
• When someone goes to counseling to deal with emotional problems, things often begin to change within the first few sessions.
• When someone has had sex and he or she makes a decision to stop and begin a life of abstinence, things begin to change physically, emotionally and spiritually.
If you’ve already had sex, if you’ve already had a baby, or if you’ve already contracted an STD, you might be thinking to yourself, All this talk about abstinence is great for everyone else, but I’ve already blown it.
We are going to undress that lie in this lesson. No matter what you’ve done, who you’ve done it with, or where you have done it, there are benefits in turning from your past and making a decision to honor God and respect yourself by remaining abstinent until marriage.
We will also talk about the benefits of waiting until marriage, and not just until you find the person you think you love. Another lie that ruins God’s plan for an amazing sex life says, “Marriage is just a piece of paper.” This lie dresses itself up as truth when people convince themselves that living together is the best way to get to know each other before signing a piece of paper. Unfortunately, experience proves that living together dramatically increases your risk of a broken relationship in the future.
As you prepare to listen to Lakita, ask God in prayer to use this time to help you gain wisdom on choices you are making in your life.
As you watch the video, be sure to write down your thoughts and questions. Take a moment to talk with the group about your questions and comments after watching the video.
While more than half of high school students have not had sex, more than 40 percent have had sex. Of that 40 percent, two-thirds wished they had waited. Maybe you are still considering whether or not you want to embrace the abstinent lifestyle, and you’re wondering if it really makes a difference.
Check out what singer-songwriter Kim Hill has to say about sex outside of marriage:
The decision to have sex outside of marriage results in a slow, subtle kind of death. It’s the death of innocence and purity. The shattering of dreams. The numbing of a once vibrant, youthful spirit. The word abstinence implies denial and all sorts of negative restrictions. In truth, though, abstinence means wholeness and freedom and peace. A life of virtue can be a difficult road, but it’s a road of promise and excellence, and one without regret.2
Do you agree that sex outside of marriage results in a slow, subtle death of innocence and purity? Why or why not?
If you choose an abstinent lifestyle, will you always feel peaceful and free, even when you are tempted to have sex or are hassled by others about your decision? Why or why not?
Let marriage be held in honor by all, and let the marriage bed be kept undefiled; for God will judge the fornicators and adulterers (Hebrews 13:4).
Throughout this study we’ve been talking about waiting to have sex until you are married. The passage from Hebrews 13:4 states clearly that God calls us to hold marriage in high esteem. Marriage according to God is a great thing.
Marriage has gotten a bad rap lately. Many people get divorced, which makes marriage seem like a bunch of empty promises. The marriage license seems like just another piece of paper and feeling like you are in love has become more important than signing “just a piece of paper.” After all, can’t you still be fully committed to someone without being married?
What do you think? Is living together in a committed relationship just like marriage?
Now here’s a quick quiz that compares marriage to living together. Circle True or False for each statement.
1. Living together before getting married helps you prepare for marriage, and couples who live together first have happier, stronger marriages.
True False
2. People who are married are more likely to experience domestic violence than couples who live together.
True False
3. Children raised in a home where the mother is living with someone other than the children’s father are more likely to be abused and molested.
True False
4. Couples who are married have sex more often and have more satisfying sex lives than couples who are not married.
True False
5. Couples who live together before marriage are more likely to cheat on their spouses after they marry.
True False
6. Couples who live together have the lowest level of relational satisfaction compared to all other premarital living arrangements.
True False
7. Couples that marry as opposed to simply living together live longer and healthier lives.
True False
During the past six weeks, we’ve seen some pretty dramatic consequences of sex outside of marriage. STDs, unwanted pregnancy, broken relationships and loss of innocence are all good reasons to abstain from sex outside of marriage.
Perhaps the most compelling reason why the Christian should practice abstinence is that it pleases God. God’s plan for you is that you experience amazing sex within the context of marriage. That’s not only God’s plan; it is also God’s command.
One of God’s Top Ten Ways to Healthy Living (most people call this the Ten Commandments) reads, “Thou shall not commit adultery.” Adultery simply means having sex with someone who is not your husband or wife. In fact, Moses, who received these commandments, also received this command:
If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife—with the wife of his neighbor—both the adulterer and the adulteress must be put to death (Leviticus 20:10).
Death for sex! Can you imagine what would happen if that law were instituted in the United States? Safe sex would take on a whole new meaning. For the ancient Israelites, there were no second chances for people caught in the act of adultery.
When Jesus came along, He offered an alternative to how the religious leaders interpreted God’s commands. The religious leaders of His day emphasized punishment. While Jesus never diminished the importance of following God’s commands, He emphasized grace over punishment.
In other words, everyone gets a second chance.
Read John 8:1-11.
How do you think the woman felt when she was caught in the act of adultery? What about when the men surrounded her and were ready to kill her? If she was caught in the act, where is the guy she was with?
How do you think the crowd felt when they demanded that Jesus pronounce judgment on the woman and instead He sat on the ground and wrote in the sand?
Jesus offered an alternative to the religious leaders who were ready to condemn. Jesus simply followed the pattern of second chances that God revealed throughout the Old Testament. Remember David, the king who slept with another man’s wife and then had that man killed? God gave him a second chance.
Read 2 Samuel 12:13-14.
What was David’s response to God when his sin was found out?
How did God respond to David?
Read 2 Samuel 12:24-25.
How did God respond to David and Bathsheba after they had experienced the drastic consequences of their sin (the death of their child)?
Did God give them an opportunity to start over? Would God give you an opportunity to start over?
David wrote Psalm 51 in response to his sin with Bathsheba. David’s psalm serves as a model prayer for those who have not followed God’s plan of abstinence. It also gives great insight into how God views someone who has turned away from Him.
Read Psalm 51:1-12.
Write down the words or phrases that are the most meaningful to you when you think about starting over with God.
Read Psalm 51:13-19.
Complete the following sentence: “The ways that David plans to live differently in response to God’s forgiveness are . . .”
The fact is that everyone sins. In some way, we all turn away from God and do our own thing. Jesus came to draw us back to God. Jesus is God’s way of reaching the whole world to bring us all back into a close relationship with Him.
You may know people who claim to be Christians but don’t want to live in the way God desires. God wants true believers. God’s plan for you is to be “in Christ.” In other words, God wants Jesus Christ to live in you. That happens when we simply ask the Lord to forgive us of past sins and to take control of our lives. Now check out this amazing verse from 2 Corinthians 5:17-18:
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation.
Well, it’s time to undress another lie. Living together looks good. In fact, living together seems like the best of all possible worlds: convenient sex, steady companionship, and if things go bad you can just walk away. But that’s the problem. If you know that someone could walk away, it’s impossible to fully give yourself to anyone.
Nobody likes to be alone. God did not create us to be alone. In fact, when God made the world, everything was good except for one thing: The man was originally on his own. When you commit yourself to someone for a lifetime, that commitment makes it possible to truly know someone.
Read Genesis 2:18-24.
What does this passage say about God’s plan for men and women?
Why would God say that it’s important to leave your mother and father behind and let your marriage commitment be the primary commitment?
Is it possible to be completely committed to more than one person?
Let’s take a moment to use the following T-Chart to talk about the positive value of secondary virginity. Make a list of all the positive consequences that someone can experience if he or she chooses an abstinent lifestyle after he or she has had sex, has contracted an STD, or has had a baby. In the same column, list the positive impact an abstinent lifestyle could have on your relationship with God.
Don’t forget to also make a list of the negative consequences of continuing to be sexually active. Again, how would being sexually active impact your walk with Christ?
1. Make a firm commitment to save yourself for marriage from now on, and believe you can do it. (Because you can!)
2. Get away from people, places, things and situations that weaken your self-control. Sometimes the healthiest thing we can do is to avoid people who tempt us.
3. Avoid intense hugging, passionate kissing and anything else that leads to lustful thoughts and behavior. Anything beyond a brief, simple kiss can quickly become dangerous.
4. Find non-physical ways to show your love and appreciation.
5. Remember that anyone can start over, including you! When you focus on commitment and self-discipline, you can control your impulses.3
Take a few minutes to reflect on the following passages of Scripture. Be sure to jot down any words or phrases that stand out to you as you read, especially as each passage relates to what you read about or heard in today’s session.
Romans 5:8
Romans 8:1
Romans 8:38-39
Romans 10:9
Notes
1. “Jared’s Statistics.” http://www.subway.com (accessed on September 25, 2006).
2. “Celebrity Quotes on Saving Sex for Marriage.” http://www.lovematters.com (accessed on September 25, 2006).
3. “Five Steps to Becoming a Secondary Virgin.” http://www.lovematters.com/startover.htlm (accessed on September 18, 2006).
