thirteen

Simple Commitments

IF THERE’S ONE change that you could make today that would have the biggest impact on your life in terms of productivity, effectiveness, and being able to do the things you want to do, it would be to reduce the commitments in your life.

With that one change, you could free up the time you need to focus on the important work and to achieve the things you want to achieve. With that simple change, you could free up time to pursue things you’re passionate about, to exercise, to read, to find quiet time, or to spend time with loved ones.

I’m not going to lie to you: Reducing your commitments isn’t easy. It takes determination, it takes a willingness to say “no,” and it can take time. But it will pay off in so many ways, for the rest of your life.

THE DEMANDS OF COMMITMENTS

Most of us have lives that are overloaded with commitments. We have multiple commitments at work—besides the core duties of our job, which is already a multitude of commitments, we might also serve on different committees, have to go to different meetings, have commitments to various projects, have to go to conferences and clinics, have regular meetings with clients, or serve on boards in our industry.

Then there are civic commitments, family commitments, hobbies, stuff we have to do at home, online commitments, religious commitments, extra jobs, sports, exercise, other social groups, and more.

It’s possible to have multiple commitments in all of these areas, until we have no spare time in our lives and we are worn down by the time and energy demands of each of these commitments.

Each time someone makes a request of you and you agree to that request, you’re making a commitment that will take up a part of your life.

The curious thing is that we don’t ever decide to do them all at once. They are added to our lives, one at a time—and viewed individually, none of them ever seems like too much work. But cumulatively, these commitments add up, so that eventually they can consume your entire life, and your life no longer belongs to you.

Cut back on those commitments, one at a time, leaving yourself with the time you need for the things that are important to you.

TAKE INVENTORY OF YOUR COMMITMENTS

In order to get a handle on your commitments, you first have to take inventory, so you know what you have on your plate. Take an inventory of the commitments in your life right now. Here are some common ones (though you may have more):

• Work: We have multiple commitments at our jobs. List them all.
• Side work: Some of us do freelance work or do odd jobs to take in money.
• Family: We may play a role as husband, wife, father, mother, son, daughter. These roles come with many commitments.
• Kids: My kids have had soccer, choir, Academic Challenge Bowl, National Junior Honor Society, basketball, spelling bee, science fair, guitar lessons, and more. Each of your kids’ commitments is yours too.
• Civic: We may volunteer for different organizations, or be a board member or officer on a nonprofit organization.
• Religious: Many of us are very involved with our churches, or are part of a church organization. Or perhaps we are committed to going to service once a week.
• Hobbies: Perhaps you are a runner or a cyclist, or you build models, or are part of a secret underground comic book organization. These come with commitments.
• Home: Aside from regular family stuff, there’s the stuff you have to do at home.
• Online: We may be a regular on a forum or mailing list or Google group. These are online communities that come with commitments too.

You might have other categories. List everything. The more honest and complete your list, the better.

MAKE A SHORT LIST

Now take a close look at each thing on the list and ask yourself: How does this give my life value? How important is it to me? Is it in line with my life priorities and values? How would it affect my life if I dropped out? Does this further my life goals?

Then make a “Short List” of your four to five most important commitments. What are the things you love to do most, the things that are most important to you? Your list can include whatever you like, but here’s mine:

1. Spending time with my wife and kids
2. Writing
3. Running
4. Reading

That’s my entire list. It might take some soul-searching to cut your list down to four to five things. Once you’ve created your Short List, I suggest you go over your list of commitments and decide which of those commitments fit on your Short List and which don’t. The commitments that align with your Short List are the essential commitments. For example, writing posts for my blog, Zen Habits, is one of my commitments. It falls under one of my Short List priorities—writing—so it is an essential commitment in my mind.

What are your essential commitments?

BEGIN ELIMINATING THE NONESSENTIAL

Everything on your commitment list that isn’t essential is, by definition, nonessential. They’re all on the chopping block.

Eliminating the nonessential commitments is crucial, as it will free up a lot of your time, leave you with less stress, and allow you to focus on the essential. Never have enough time for the truly important projects, or your family, or your passion in life? Now you will, if you eliminate the nonessentials and use the freed-up time for the essentials on your Short List. Here’s how to eliminate the nonessential commitments on your list:

 

1. Start with something small. Don’t try to eliminate everything at once. Maybe find something on the list that will be easy to eliminate. That’s your first target. Look for the thing that gives you the least return for your invested time and effort. The thing that’s least in line with your life values and priorities and goals. Cut it out, at least for a couple of weeks, and see if you can get along without it.

 

2. Call or e-mail to send your regrets. Explain that you have too much on your plate right now and you simply don’t have the time to fulfill the commitment. Apologize, but be firm, and don’t leave any room for negotiation.

 

3. Eliminate the commitment from your appointment, and instead fill that time with something from your Short List. Don’t just use that time to watch TV—use it wisely.

 

4. Repeat this process with the other nonessential commitments, one at a time, until you’re done. Strive to eliminate all nonessential commitments from your list. This might take a while, especially with some commitments where you’ll need to find a replacement or some other solution. But don’t stop until you’ve eliminated all of them.

Each time you cut a commitment, it may give you a feeling of guilt, because others want you to keep that commitment. But it’s also a huge relief, not having to keep that commitment each day or week or month. It frees up a lot of your time, and while others may be disappointed, you have to keep what’s important to you in mind, not what’s important to everyone else. If we committed to what everyone else wanted all the time, we would never have any time left for ourselves.

LEARN TO SAY “NO”

Your list of commitments didn’t become overloaded by itself. Those commitments were added to your life, one by one, because you accepted them. Someone made a request and you said “yes,” one commitment at a time.

Now that you’re in the process of eliminating your nonessential commitments and freeing up time for your Short List, keep your list short by not adding new commitments, if at all possible. Sometimes, adding a commitment is a good thing, if it’s something you love, and if you make time for it by dropping something you don’t love as much. But most of the time, new commitments just add to your load and take time and energy away from more important or enjoyable pursuits.

So avoid new commitments by learning to say “no” to new requests. These requests come in all the time, at home and work, via phone or e-mail, when you run into someone at the supermarket. Learn to recognize them as requests for new commitments, and learn to turn them down.

This is very difficult for many people, who feel a sense of obligation to say “yes,” who are uncomfortable turning people down, who think that they have no good reason to say no to a simple request by a friend or coworker or loved one in need.

But you do have a good reason to say “no”—a great reason, in fact: Your time is limited and precious.

You might think you have all the time in the world, and that a one-hour commitment won’t matter much. But most people only have a couple hours of free time each day, when you factor in sleep and getting ready and eating time and commuting time and work and chores. Protect your time—it’s your most valuable commodity. Guard it with your life.

If you have difficulty saying “no” to requests, here are some tips:

• First, be aware. Learn to recognize requests for what they are—demands on your time. And be aware that your time is extremely limited, and that you want to fill that limited time with the things that are important to you.
• Consider your Short List. Is the request in line with the four to five priorities you wrote out in your Short List? If not, the commitment is nonessential. Don’t allow it to come into your life.
• Be honest. Tell the person that you’re trying to cut back on your commitments because you’ve been overloaded. Tell the person that you are trying to focus and can’t commit to anything new right now. Most likely, they’ll understand. If not, be assured that at least you are doing what is right for you.
• Be firm. Say, “I just can’t right now” and make it clear that you’re not open to negotiation or persuasion. If you don’t make that clear, they might pester you until you give in.
• I wish I could. Often I will honestly tell the person, “I really wish I could. It sounds great. But I just don’t have the time right now.” It validates the person’s request but makes it clear that you are unable to fulfill the commitment.
• Don’t be sorry. Even if the person is insistent that you’re needed for this project, don’t worry—they’ll find another person to fill the need. Nothing in this world has failed because one person said “no” to a request—if the need was great enough, another person filled it. So while there’s a temptation to feel guilty that you’re ruining something good for someone you care about, don’t. That person will still get it done without you.

MAKING THE TIME FOR WHAT WE LOVE

The same concepts that you use to reduce commitments in your work life can be used to make time for what you love in your personal life.

How can we create a life where we have time to do all the things we wish we could do? Where we live a more enjoyable, relaxed life away from work? It’s fairly simple, though it takes an effort to implement such a plan:

1. First, make a list of the things you truly want to do. The things you love to do. The things you want to spend your precious time doing. Shorten it to four to five things, if possible—this is your Short List, the things that are most important.
2. Eliminate as much of the rest of the stuff as possible from your private life.
3. Schedule your free time so that you’re doing the things on your Short List.

It really is that simple. When I decided I wanted to spend more time with my family, it was simply a matter of making that time a priority. I would turn down invitations to social engagements, say no to friends who wanted to go out, and cancel previous commitments—just because they weren’t as high a priority as spending time with my family. When I decided to run a marathon, that meant I had to get up early to run before I had to get the kids ready for school and myself ready for work. Waking earlier meant going to sleep earlier, which meant cutting back on television. No problem—running was more important to me than television. I canceled my cable TV.

When I decided to write this book, I had to cut back on other work projects, because they weren’t as important. I made the time, and dedicated that time to writing. If you make the commitment to make time for the things you love by cutting out the things that are of lower priority, you can create the life you want to live. It just takes a commitment to your Short List.

TIPS FOR SIMPLIFYING YOUR PERSONAL LIFE

While creating the simple life is as simple as the three steps I outlined above, you’ll get use out of the tips below. I suggest you take a weekend out of your life to examine these issues, to plan how you’re going to simplify your life, and to start making changes to your schedule.

• What’s important. First, take a step back and think about what’s important to you. What do you really want to be doing? Who do you want to spend your time with? What do you want to accomplish with your work? Make a Short List of four to five things you love doing.
• Examine your commitments. A big part of the problem is that our lives are way too full. We can’t possibly do everything we have committed to doing, and we certainly can’t enjoy it if we’re trying to do everything. Accept that you can’t do everything, know that you want to do what’s important to you, and try to eliminate the commitments that aren’t as important.
• Do less during your days. Don’t fill your day up with things to do. You will end up rushing to do them all. If you normally try (and fail) to do seven to ten things, do three important ones instead (with three more smaller items to do if you get those three done). This will give you time to do what you need to do, and not rush.
• Leave space between tasks or appointments. Another mistake is trying to schedule things back-to-back. This leaves no cushion in case things take longer than we planned (which they always do), and it also gives us a feeling of being rushed and stressed throughout the day. Instead, leave a good-sized gap between your appointments or tasks, allowing you to focus more on each one, and have a transition time between them.
• Eliminate as much as possible from your to-do list. You can’t do everything on your to-do list. Even if you could, more things will come up. Simplify your to-do list down to the essentials as much as you can. This allows you to rush less and focus more on what’s important.
• Now, slow down and enjoy every task. This is the most important tip in this chapter. Read it twice. Whatever you’re doing, whether it’s a work task or taking a shower or brushing your teeth or cooking dinner or driving to work, slow down. Try to enjoy whatever you’re doing. Try to pay attention, instead of thinking about other things. Be in the moment. This isn’t easy, as you will often forget. But find a way to remind yourself. Unless the task involves actual pain, there isn’t anything that can’t be enjoyable if you give it the proper attention.
• Single-task. This is kind of a mantra of mine. Do one thing at a time, and do it well.
• Eliminate stress. Find the stressors in your life, and find ways to eliminate them.
• Create time for solitude. In addition to slowing down and enjoying the tasks we do, and doing less of them, it’s also important to just have some time to yourself.
• Do nothing. Sometimes, it’s good to forget about doing things, and do nothing. Don’t be afraid to be lazy sometimes.
• Sprinkle simple pleasures throughout your day. Knowing what your simple pleasures are, and putting a few of them in each day, can go a long way to making life more enjoyable.
• Practice being present. You can practice being in the moment at any time during the day. Simply focus on what you’re doing right now, not on the past or the future.
• Free up time. Simplifying your life in general is a way to free up time to do the stuff you want to do. Unfortunately, it can be hard to find time to even think about how to simplify your life. If that’s the case, free up at least thirty minutes a day for thinking about simplifying. Or alternatively, free up a weekend and think about it then. How can you free up thirty minutes a day? Just a few ideas: Wake earlier, watch less TV, eat lunch at your desk, take a walk for lunch, disconnect from the Internet, do e-mail only once today, shut off your phones, do one fewer thing each day.