11
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe we are above-average drivers.
—Dave Barry, author1
During World War II, Winston Churchill described how a misunderstanding emerged between American and British military officers.2 The British had an urgent issue they needed to discuss with the Americans and told the Americans they needed to “table it.” By “table it,” the Brits meant they wanted to discuss the issue immediately—they wanted to bring it to the table. The Americans agreed this was an important issue to discuss, but to the Americans, the term “table it” meant to defer the issue or leave it on the table. Churchill described how a lengthy argument between the two parties ensued before both realized they wanted exactly the same thing.
Different languages, cultures, and etiquette often result in difficulties and misunderstandings when we try to conduct business internationally. Fortunately, a multitude of seminars and university courses offer assistance to those conducting business abroad. When exchanging business cards in Japan, business travelers are advised that they should read the card before putting it away to avoid insulting their colleague. Those visiting China are advised that overly strong handshakes are considered offensive. In Russia, firmer handshakes are the norm, and business travelers might be told to expect to consume some alcohol while conducting business with their colleagues.
Despite the enormous efforts we make to bridge cultural differences, little attempt is made to bridge gender differences in the workplace. Just as our international business associates aren’t really that different from us, differences between men and women are small, but important. As with our foreign counterparts, different communication styles and different interests can drive a wedge between the sexes. And, as with our international counterparts, greater understanding of our cross-sex colleagues would go a long way to bridging these gaps. Unfortunately, a lack of understanding regarding our cross-gender coworkers can lead to a preference for same-sex coworkers.
Not surprisingly, most gender differences have their roots in childhood, and I see them every day in my own home. My husband has a warning that he often shouts to me. “Kim, bend your knees!” he cautions, as my hockey-player son comes barreling into the kitchen attempting to check me into the refrigerator. Other than playing ice hockey, my son loves to wrestle and roughhouse with his friends (and occasionally his parents), and his make-believe games usually involve weapons, fighting, and destruction. These games are quite different from the games I enjoyed with my girlfriends in elementary school. I can’t recall ever checking my parents or tackling my friends. These gender-specific play styles and interests we adopt at an early age impact our expectations for friendships throughout our lives.
Consistent with my experience at home, researchers studying young children have found several key gender differences in play styles. Primarily, young boys tend to play in larger groups than girls, and their play tends to be rougher. Often termed “rough-and-tumble play,” boys’ play is often characterized by pushing, pulling, hitting, chasing, and wrestling (typically without hurting one another).3 Preferring to play outside, boys’ play style often emphasizes competitiveness—these boys are striving to achieve and maintain dominance over their male playmates.4 Checking someone into the refrigerator is a prime example of rough-and-tumble type play.
Most girls don’t like boys’ rough style of play and will even withdraw from it. Playing in smaller groups, girls typically form close relationships with just one or two other girls.5 While boys’ friendships tend to be centered on common interests, girls’ friendships tend to be characterized by the sharing of confidences. Gender researcher Vicki Helgeson summarizes these gender differences: “Boys view friendship as instrumental: A friend is someone with whom you do things. Girls view friendship as more emotional: A friend is someone with whom you connect.”6
It is important to note that these gender differences in play styles don’t apply to all girls and boys, but, instead, they represent statistically significant tendencies. Statistically speaking, men are taller than women, but that doesn’t mean that all men are taller than all women. Similarly, some girls may enjoy rough-and-tumble play and some boys may not. However, in general, boys are more likely than girls to adopt this rougher style.
So averse are girls to boys’ typical play style, girls sometimes just stop playing when boys are involved.7 In one study, very young children (average age of two years and nine months old) who were previously unacquainted paired up with either a same-sex or cross-sex play partner and the pair were given toys. The researchers then measured the amount of time a child spent simply standing passively watching their young partner play with the toys. Within the girl-girl pairs, the girls were rarely passive, and both girls actively played with the toys. Boy-girl pairs were another story. In these mixed-sex pairs, the girl frequently stood aside and let the young boy monopolize the toys. It’s not that these girls were more passive than the boys (indeed, they were more social than the boys when with another girl), but when paired with a boy the girls became more passive.
Although these differences in play styles and preferences for same-sex play partners start at an early age, they tend to increase in strength over time. By age five, this preference for same-sex playmates is stronger for boys than girls. By age six and a half, children spend eleven times more play time with same-sex than with opposite-sex playmates.8 Why? One reason is that boys who play with girls are perceived as feminine, and boys generally don’t tolerate feminine behavior in other boys. Girls do not feel the same need to reject masculinity and tend to be more accepting of masculine behaviors in other girls.9
When my son was a toddler he had a doll that he liked to carry around. The doll was aptly named “Baby” and was permanently dressed in pink pajamas with white polka dots. Reactions from other parents ranged from shocked looks to giggles when they saw him carrying Baby. Occasionally, a parent or shop owner would tell me how fabulous it was that I let my son play with a doll. Clearly, a boy with a doll was perceived as unusual, and this lack of tolerance for anything feminine in boys forces the genders further apart.
Adults aren’t entirely to blame for the segregation of boys and girls, as the preference to play with one’s own sex is not unique to humans. Even nonhuman primates exhibit a preference for same-sex playmates, indicating that there’s probably more than socialization influencing playmate choices.10
One particularly perplexing aspect of the toddler preference for same-sex playmates is that many three-year-olds have not yet established gender constancy.11 That is, children of this age don’t fully understand that their biological sex will remain constant throughout their lifetime. They often think their biological sex could change if they adopt characteristics of the opposite sex (e.g., wearing a dress for boys or getting a buzz haircut for girls). So even though they logically think they could become the other sex at some point, they still have a preference for same-sex playmates.
Not only do young boys and girls have different play styles, but also, stemming from these differences, boys and girls typically develop different conversational styles.12 For boys, communication is used to convey or establish dominance over other boys. As a result boys’ conversations are often characterized by interruptions, threats, and topping one another’s stories. Girls, on the other hand, strive to cultivate connection with one another. They’re more likely to take turns when speaking and to agree with their friends. While boys are more likely to order someone to do something (“Get over here!”), girls are more prone to polite suggestion (“Could you please come over here?”).13
Do Things Change After We Grow Up?
Not surprisingly, as we age, we maintain many of the same communication and interaction styles developed as children. The same issues that encourage boys and girls to play separately result in a preference for same-sex friendships in adulthood. As adults, men’s and women’s friendships are remarkably similar to their childhood friendships, resulting in yet another barrier for male and female employees desiring to establish cross-sex friendships. Often described as “side-by-side” relationships, men’s friendships are typically focused on some outside activity.14 Much like young boys, these male-male friendships are often action oriented as opposed to person oriented and typically involve less communication than women’s friendships.15
My brother, Tom, has become a good buddy to my son, who’s now ten. The pair can play Wiffle ball or video games for hours, and Uncle Tom is a regular at Little League baseball games. At last Saturday’s Little League baseball game, Tom asked what grade his nephew was in. Given the amount of time they spend together, I was a little surprised by this gap in his knowledge. “You don’t know what grade he’s in?” I asked. “Hey, I know his batting average and his ERA [earned run average],” he replied. In other words, he knew all the important stuff. This selective knowledge is evidently typical in male friendships. In his book Buddy System: Understanding Male Friendships, Geoffrey Greif summarizes:
Guys are interesting—they can watch the Super Bowl together every year yet not know how many children the other guy has, that he just broke up with his girlfriend, or where he works. They will get a great sense of the other guy’s football knowledge, though. Does he grasp the nuances of the salary cap, no-huddle offense, and the challenges that a coach faces?16
What about women’s friendships? Female friendships are often described as “face-to-face” as opposed to “side-by-side,” because the female partners are oriented toward getting to know one another on a personal level.17 As a result, female friendships are typically characterized by more self-disclosure, affection, and compliments than men’s friendships.18 Unlike men, women will almost certainly know where their girlfriends work and whether they have just endured a breakup. They are less likely, however, to have a sense of their girlfriend’s football knowledge.
Golf vs. Shopping
Although gender preferences established in childhood tend to permeate our adult friendships, coworkers always have at least one interest in common—their work. Therefore, coworkers who are employed in the same department or who have comparable jobs often share similarities that ease their interactions.19 While this commonality may help some initiate cross-sex friendships at work, others may find it difficult to launch the friendship beyond the work domain. Common interests (outside of the work at hand) are often needed to initiate a friendship, and cross-sex friends may struggle to find shared interests.
We know that men typically structure their friendships around activities, but what are these activities? Greif reports that sport was the most common activity shared by male friends. Eighty percent of the men he interviewed said they participate in or watch sports with their friends. By contrast, none of the women said they participated in sports with their friends (although a few said they exercise with friends).
Sports unite men of all different backgrounds. Not only does it provide a shared activity for established friends but also sports talk can help men maintain a conversation and avoid awkward silences. In my own interviews, Michael, a lawyer, described how sports helped him initiate conversations with other men:
Obviously, guys tend to like sports, right, so it’s easier, you have something in common. You can swing a bat, and you hit 70 percent of the time if you bring up something about sports with a guy, but the ratio is probably lower with a woman.
Sports is often a form of communication for men. At my son’s hockey practice, the parents (mostly dads) stand around quietly after the kids hit the ice. Then, one will break the silence with a comment about a questionable play in an NHL (professional hockey) game the previous night. A passionate discussion of the ins and outs of the previous night’s game will ensue. The dads hold a diverse set of jobs and have roots all around the world, but the hockey discussion bonds the accountant, the music agent, the finance guy, the animator, the physicist, and the landscaper. All of a sudden, they have a common ground. They’re friends.
So women just need to study the sports section of their local newspaper, and then they can become full-fledged members of the old boys’ club, right? Unfortunately, it’s not quite that easy. Although an interest in sports bonds men, it isn’t clear if it’s something that can necessarily be shared with women. What happens when a woman’s sports knowledge is equal to or better than a man’s? Would a debate about a controversial call during Monday’s night’s game ensue? It may not. Men often interact with each other in a competitive way, but defeating a woman with sports talk may not hold the same glory. After a lifetime of competing with same-sex friends, men may be uncomfortable competing with women.
Sports talk is not only a shared hobby or a shared topic of conversation, but for many men sports is integrated into conversation about other topics. Recall that Michael reported, “You swing a bat” to imply give it a try? Sports analogies permeate conversation in the workplace. A senior male executive once told me, “You’ll have to punt,” in response to a work problem.
Clearly, punting referred to football, and I knew it had to do with kicking. (In my defense, this was before my UCLA days, and I had only attended school at Vassar and MIT. Vassar didn’t even have a football team, and MIT was no football powerhouse.) I could have asked, but I wanted to be considered one of the boys and was sure my confusion regarding punting was not cool. A coworker translated, and I was all set until a few months later another manager told me to “Throw a Hail Mary.” The sports talk continued. By the end of my tenure as a trader (I retired to pursue gender research after I “hit a home run” trading equities), I had encountered the following sports expressions in everyday business.
|
Hit a home run |
(a great success) |
|
|
Punt |
(concede) |
|
|
Left at the starting gate |
(slow to respond) |
|
|
Throw a Hail Mary |
(last ditch effort with little chance of success) |
|
|
Do an end run |
(go around the normal process) |
|
|
Go to the bullpen |
(bring in someone new) |
|
|
It’s a slam dunk |
(it’s a sure thing) |
|
|
Batting a thousand |
(getting everything correct) |
Despite women representing almost half of the U.S. workforce, expressions relating to women’s interests have not yet permeated the workplace. One wonders if women will ever confuse men in the workplace with their own jargon. “Don’t turn it into a chignon,” could indicate not to complicate a situation (a chignon is a complicated, time-consuming updo for hair). For now, it is typically the women in the office that can be left puzzled by the meaning of an expression. Although clearly a small issue, and certainly not insurmountable, it illustrates how sports permeates workplace communication.
If sports is the common link that binds men, what do women prefer to do with their friends? Perhaps not surprisingly, women like to talk and shop. Greif’s survey found talking was the most common shared activity between female friends (65 percent of women reported enjoying talking with their friends), and shopping was number two (60 percent of women reported shopping with their female friends). Although some men said that they, too, talk to their male friends, they mostly talked about sports and women. None of the men went shopping with friends except occasionally to look at cars. Women also mentioned laughing and crying together with their friends, and not surprisingly, none of the men reported sharing a good cry with their male friend. These gender differences make cross-sex interactions less predictable and lead to a preference for same-sex conversations.
Does all this really impact women’s careers? Francine Katz claimed it did. Katz, the top female executive at Anheuser Busch, took her former employer to trial in 2014. Alleging that the King of Beers paid her less than her male counterparts, Katz described an environment where she was excluded from male-only corporate jets and men’s hunting and golf outings. However, Katz also testified that former CEO August Busch III avoided discussing a serious environmental issue with her because he feared that the discussion would make her cry. It seems unlikely another woman would have avoided discussing this issue with her for that reason. (Interestingly, Katz also testified that she had never cried while on the job at Anheuser Busch.) Again, these gender differences lead to a preference for same-sex interactions.20
Basically, sharing news about the purchase of a fabulous new pair of pumps with a male colleague will probably not be the start of a great new friendship. Sharing news of a Major League Baseball pitcher’s no-hitter with a female colleague may be equally ineffective. As a result of different interests, cross-sex friends may just have less to talk about than same-sex friends. Interestingly, women who tend to exhibit masculine personality traits and men who behave in a feminine way may have an advantage in this area. Friendship researcher Heidi Reeder found that masculine women and feminine men had an easier time establishing cross-sex friendships.21 Why? The most likely explanation is masculine women and feminine men have more in common with the opposite sex, find them more similar to themselves, and have more comfortable interactions with them.
Once again, it’s critical to note that these barriers are not insurmountable, and many men and women can find shared interests to discuss and similar communication styles. However, they contribute to the barriers that make up the sex partition, causing cross-sex friendship formation to become more challenging.
Why Can’t You Understand Me?
Even if men and women can find common ground for discussion, gender differences in conversational styles can also create a barrier to cross-sex friendships. In her books on gender differences in communication, Deborah Tannen describes several gender differences in communication style that are commonplace at work.22 An example of such differences lies in responses to “troubles talk.” When a problem is discussed with a female friend, the friend most likely responds by sharing a similar problem or by offering sympathy. However, when troubles are shared with a male friend, he is more likely to respond by giving advice, telling a joke, changing the subject, or remaining silent.
The problem for cross-sex friends is not in the response itself, but the interpretation of that response. Men looking for a solution to a problem and garnering sympathy instead may feel that the response is condescending. Similarly, a woman who expects sympathy in response to her problem may feel that the offer of a solution is condescending and minimizes her feelings. That is, the offer of a solution may carry the suggestion that the woman would not have been able to solve the problem on her own. These different styles lead men and women to seek out same-sex friends when it’s time to discuss problems.
Humor is yet one more example of how communication differences can drive a wedge between the sexes.23 Men act funny by teasing, while women prefer to express themselves with more self-deprecating humor. This becomes problematic because women often take men’s teasing personally, and men can believe women’s self-disparaging remarks to be true. Women get angry at the men, and the men question the women’s competence.
In Business Networking and Sex: Not What You Think, Ivan Misner, Hazel Walker, and Frank De Raffele describe how gender differences in networking strategies can also leave cross-sex coworkers confused.24 When women meet new contacts, they try to establish a relationship first. Only after a relationship is established, do women turn the focus to business. Men, by contrast, feel it’s better to focus on business first and build a relationship later. The authors don’t suggest that either strategy is optimal. However, problems can clearly arise when women try to network with other men. The strategies clash as women seek to build a relationship, while the men are trying to get down to business. Women may be left thinking the men aren’t interested in establishing a working relationship with them, and men may think the women aren’t sufficiently focused on the business at hand.
Misinterpretation across gender lines stemming from differences in conversational norms abound. On a case by case basis these gender differences may seem trivial. An occasional misinterpreted joke or gesture can certainly be overlooked. However, in the long run, these differences make communication with same-sex coworkers more comfortable and predictable than conversations with cross-sex coworkers and, therefore, lead to a preference for same-sex communication.
Nonverbal Cues
Misunderstanding doesn’t only result from verbal communication between the sexes, but sometimes women’s nonverbal cues can be misinterpreted by men. I experienced this after graduate school, when I interviewed with several Wall Street trading groups. One of my job offers from an investment bank came with a warning. The head of the equity division at this bank told me that he didn’t want to hire me, but his employees convinced him I was the one for the job. Why did he dislike me? Apparently, I had nodded my head too frequently when he was talking to me during my job interview. He interpreted that to mean I lacked confidence. If we hire you, he told me, you’ll have to stop the head nodding.
Seriously? Who knew that head nodding or lack thereof was such a critical component of landing a job. The division head who interviewed me was one of those people who liked to hear himself talk, and he was going on and on about something during my interview. I nodded to indicate that I was paying attention, interested, and not falling asleep. Clearly, this signal was lost on him, and it almost cost me the job offer. Since then, I’ve learned that women do nod their heads more than men, and the executive was correct, it can be interpreted as an act of submission.25 I didn’t accept the job offer. I figured if the manager had such a negative reaction to my head nodding, I’d most likely have a hard time connecting with him.
With regard to the sex partition, I don’t think a woman would have judged my potential as a trader by my head nodding. But this manager wasn’t used to seeing this nonverbal behavior among his male employees, so to him, my head nodding seemed strange. And, if it weren’t for other supporters, it would have cost me the job offer.
Head nodding isn’t the only gender difference in nonverbal behavior. Men typically take up more space than women, another indicator of confidence. Understanding these differences can only help us navigate them more effectively.
Who’s Watching the Kids?
Regardless of different conversational styles or interests, developing friendships at work requires a substantial investment of time, and here again, women may be at a disadvantage. Attending extracurricular work functions or just hanging out at the water cooler chatting for a few extra minutes at the end of the day is instrumental in friendship development. Those who are rushed to get home from the office often do not have the extra time to cultivate important new relationships with their colleagues or superiors.
Why are women so rushed? Women typically bear the burden for a disproportionate share of household tasks and child care. Frequently labeled the “second shift,” women often assume these household duties after a full day at their job outside the home. A recent study indicates that 35 percent of full-time female employees assume 100 percent of the housework, and 60 percent do at least 75 percent of housework.26 With regard to child care, 28 percent of full-time working mothers assume 100 percent responsibility for child care, and 56 percent assume at least 75 percent of the responsibility.
In other words, women are assuming responsibility for the majority of the household chores and child care. These additional responsibilities leave women without a lot of free time to develop new friendships or mentor/sponsor relationships. One survey found that 68 percent of moms said they would like to network with colleagues but cannot find the time.27
In addition to the reduction of time for friends, the differentiated roles in child rearing also construct a barrier to cross-sex friendship. With women typically undertaking a larger role in child rearing than men, it is one more interest that women typically share with each other and less with other men.
I recently heard that new moms can be left out of networking sessions for yet another reason. Colleagues sometimes don’t ask a new mom to join them because they want to be understanding. In efforts to respect the demands on her time, they don’t want to impose any additional pressure on new moms to socialize. While the colleagues’ intentions are thoughtful, the new mom feels even more excluded from networking opportunities.
Lisa, a television sports reporter for a top-twenty-five television station, wasn’t sure exactly why, but becoming a mom drastically changed her experience at work. She told me that when she returned to her job after her maternity leave, she received no support at work and eventually lost her job. Her male boss no longer had her back, and she no longer garnered respect from her male subordinate, the number two sports reporter, who ultimately usurped her job. Basically her two most important working relationships had begun to fall apart, and the only aspect that had changed was her status as a mom. Although the attacks were subtle, Lisa only needed a few days back at work after maternity leave before she realized everything had changed. Small errors that would have previously gone unnoticed were now a bigger issue. She explained, “After being there for thirteen years, and being a star employee, and having built up so much good will, I just didn’t get any support when I got back from my maternity leave. I’m not talking about support, like I need time off for this or that. I’m just talking about support to do my job as I had always done it before. I felt like I came back to a situation where all of a sudden the game was set so I was going to fail. Suddenly I went from being a star employee to being a target.”
Lest you think that Lisa slacked off at work because of her newly acquired motherhood duties, that’s not her style. While thirty-eight weeks pregnant, Lisa logged eighteen-hour days. She continued broadcasting right up until delivery, even completing an 11:00 p.m. news show while in the beginning stages of labor. When she returned from her maternity leave, she told me she sensed the change in these coworkers almost immediately, but that didn’t deter her. “I always put up a fight. I thought, I am going to be the best damn, hardest-working employee they’ve ever seen. I’m not going to give them any reason to get rid of me.” Although her hard work landed her two national awards for the best sportscaster in her state, things continued downhill for her in the office. Two years after returning from maternity leave, she was told her contract was not renewed. Who got her job? Her male subordinate. It is interesting to note that her male subordinate who took over her job had befriended her male boss when they worked together in another market. It’s all about having friends at work, and when you don’t have them, you can’t do your job.
When I asked Lisa why she thought becoming a mom changed things with these male coworkers, she couldn’t provide an answer. Her subordinate did admit to her that he resented Lisa’s maternity leave—he had to cover for her and received no extra compensation for his trouble. Whether the cold shoulder was due to resentment related to her maternity leave or just the fact she was now a mom, there was one thing about which Lisa was certain: The working relationships with these male coworkers had dramatically changed. “Without question, in my heart, I feel like the fact I left to have a child ended my TV career.”
If having children alienates women from their coworkers, then at least childless women should be able to establish large work networks. Unfortunately, it turns out that childless women have their own set of issues resulting from their choice not to become a mom. Researcher Caroline Gatrell has explained, “Women who explicitly choose career over kids are often vilified at work and face enormously unjust treatment. Bosses believe they are cold, odd, and somehow emotionally deficient in an almost dangerous way that leads to them being excluded from promotions that would place them in charge of others.”28 Other researchers concur that childless women feel out of the loop when it comes to being included in networking events.29
Once again women find themselves in a no-win situation. Those with children and those without are penalized when it comes to their networks. Men, by contrast, are far less affected by issues surrounding kids. Those with children typically bear less responsibility for child care than their wives, and those without children are not spurned by their colleagues.
Having Friends in High Places
Yet another difficulty establishing cross-sex friendships stems from power differentials at work. We all want powerful friends, especially at work. Why? We want to gain something from our friendship, and powerful friends can help us out. Friendships tend to be exchange oriented, and if we provide benefits to our friends, we expect something in return. To be fair, our family relationships and a few close friendships may be characterized as more communal relationships, or relationships where we give without expecting anything in return. But, as greedy as it sounds, the remainder of our friendships are typically exchange oriented.30 In these relationships, some type of repayment is expected for the benefits we provide to our friends.
In an exchange relationship, we naturally desire the highest-status friends possible in order to obtain the greatest benefits. In the workplace, if men typically hold more power and resources, they have less incentive for establishing exchange relationships with women. Unfortunately, this creates a circular problem for women. Women’s difficulty establishing friendships with men results in having less power at work. As a result of their less powerful positions, their desirability as friends decreases further.
We’re Not That Different
Regardless of whether we’re talking about power differences, communication differences, differences in friendship style, or different interests, understanding these gender differences can help us to understand our cross-sex coworkers a little better. However, we must be careful not to overly exaggerate these differences. After all, the most striking lack of knowledge about the opposite sex is how similar the two sexes really are.
That may sound like a contradiction. Gender differences exist and these do contribute to the sex partition. However, biological differences aside, men and women are far more similar than they are different. Unfortunately, stereotypes of men and women tend to exaggerate differences, and these stereotypes also work to keep the sexes apart. In other words, we tend to perceive men and women as much more different than they actually are. Take, for example, perceptions of male and female managers.
Women in management often must behave counter to the traditional feminine stereotypes. You can’t always be nice and polite when running a company or managing a work group. However, we notice it more when women behave in these characteristically unfeminine ways. When a male boss reprimands an employee, he’s doing his job. When a woman does it, she can be labeled “bitchy.” Despite the abundant research evidence that men and women have very similar management styles and are equally effective in the management role, these stereotypes persist. Busting myths like “men make better bosses” or “female leaders are bitchy” is an important step in bringing the sexes together.
Despite overwhelming evidence that women and men make equally good leaders, my own research (with coauthor Janet Lever) indicates that twice as many people would prefer to work for a man than a woman.31 Why this preference? In one word—stereotypes. Female managers in our study were described as too:
Emotional
Moody
Catty
Gossipy
Bitchy
Backstabbing
Dramatic
Jealous
Petty
Indeed, these were the nine most popular adjectives used to describe why people didn’t want to work for a woman. Not surprisingly, none of these adjectives were used to describe male bosses. Those who didn’t want to work for male bosses described male leaders as too self-centered and competitive. They had too much “male ego” and were too “power hungry.” Male and female leaders essentially behave in a very similar manner, yet are described quite differently. Increasing awareness of how men and women are similar is also important in bringing the sexes together.
A new movement to eradicate these harmful stereotypes, started by Sheryl Sandberg, suggests we ban the term “bossy” when describing young girls. An assertive young boy is often labeled a leader, while a similar young girl can be labeled “bossy.” When the young girl grows up and goes to work, the label may change from “bossy” to “bitchy.” If we can change perceptions in children, then perhaps future generations of female leaders will gain more acceptance.
Although subtle, the gender differences and perceived differences outlined in this chapter create real obstacles to cross-sex friendships at work. One almost cost me a job offer. Funny how we make efforts to teach employees how foreigners might misinterpret their behavior but completely ignore how gender differences (or perceived differences) might contribute to misunderstandings between men and women in the workplace every day. Just as we teach employees about the pitfalls of conducting business cross-culturally, we need to educate our employees about gender differences. Greater understanding of the sexes will help reduce the likelihood of misunderstandings and increase our appreciation for our cross-sex coworkers.