11: THE ROLE OF THE HOLY SPIRIT IN CHRIST-FORMATION
FRANCIS CHAN, IN HIS BOOK FORGOTTEN GOD, identifies what I believe is a serious problem in the lives of many believers and in the local church (especially evangelical churches) today:
Having read the Scriptures outside the context of contemporary church culture, you would be convinced that the Holy Spirit is as essential to a believer’s existence as air is to staying alive. . . .
There is a big gap between what we read in Scripture about the Holy Spirit and how most believers and churches operate today.[1]
Christ-formation is dependent upon the Holy Spirit as the primary agent for change regarding the dynamics of the heart. In fact, all spiritual/emotional growth is fundamentally the work of the Holy Spirit. Paul writes, “We all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit” (2 Corinthians 3:18). One way the Holy Spirit brings about Christ-formation is through truth: He is the Spirit of truth and the one who guides believers into all truth (John 16:13). Specific to Christ-formation, the Holy Spirit guides you into the truth about the nature and character of God and all aspects of your identity in Christ. The Holy Spirit will also expose the hurts in your heart that he needs to heal. The Holy Spirit wants to resolve those spiritual/emotional conflicts that are hindering Christ-formation and the greater experience of the abundant life. In this chapter, I will discuss both the person and work of the Holy Spirit specifically as it applies to the process of Christ-formation.
The Holy Spirit Lives in My Heart
The Holy Spirit takes up residence in the heart—the immaterial part of every believer—at the moment of salvation. God promised the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit in the Old Testament as he spoke through the prophet Ezekiel:
I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules.
EZEKIEL 36:26-27
Jesus told his disciples that the Holy Spirit would come to live in them:
I will ask the Father and he will give you another Advocate, who will never leave you. He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth. The world cannot receive him, because it isn’t looking for him and doesn’t recognize him. But you know him, because he lives with you now and later will be in you.
JOHN 14:16-17, NLT
This promise that the Holy Spirit would live in God’s people was fulfilled on the day of Pentecost (Acts 2:1-4). Since that day, at the moment of salvation, the Holy Spirit takes up residence in the heart of every believer. Paul writes, “Because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts” (Galatians 4:6).[2] The implications of the indwelling Holy Spirit are all important, but one that we must consider to better understand his role in Christ-formation is that we become a new creation in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17).
Jesus referred to this renewal as being born again (John 3:3), and Paul compared it to Jesus’ death and resurrection (Romans 6:1-4). One result of this regeneration is that in Christ, every believer has been set free from the power of sin. Paul writes: “We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin” (Romans 6:6). The believer is given a new heart with new capacities to live without the encumbrances of sin. Authors Neil T. Anderson and Robert L. Saucy explain,
Our very being is changed at its deepest level so that we now have new desires and new prevailing dispositions of life. . . . a change in the fundamental orientation, propensities, desires, or direction of our person, including our thoughts and actions.[3]
As a result of this renewing work of the Spirit, Paul proclaims, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come” (2 Corinthians 5:17). The change that takes place in our hearts at the moment of salvation includes the capacity to think, feel, choose, and act in ways that are godly and life-giving. This all-encompassing change is an act of God’s grace accomplished by the power of the Holy Spirit. In other words, as we walk in the Spirit, we are able “to will and to work for his good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13).
This change in the life of the believer is not limited to a new heart but also includes the affirmation of our new identity in Christ.
The Holy Spirit Affirms My Identity in Christ
I once heard TV personality Oprah Winfrey say that “we are all God’s children.” This is not true. Every person is God’s creation, created in his image and likeness, but it is not until a person is born again that he or she becomes a child of God. The apostle John writes, “To all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God” (John 1:12-13, emphasis added). Our new identity as sons and daughters is exclusively the result of God’s love for us demonstrated by Jesus’ death on the cross: “See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are” (1 John 3:1, NLT). In addition to establishing our role in God’s own family, the Holy Spirit confirms this truth in our hearts: “The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ” (Romans 8:16-17). Indeed, as God’s adopted sons and daughters (Galatians 4:5), we have all the rights and privileges of natural-born children.
It’s true that a complete understanding of our familial standing is still a mystery because Scripture doesn’t give us a full account of all the details, but what we do have is profound. In Christ, we are Jesus’ siblings (Romans 8:29; Hebrews 2:11)[4] and are heirs to all that is his (Romans 8:17). There is more: In Christ, we are now members of a royal priesthood and a holy nation (1 Peter 2:9). Oh, the wonder and scope of our familial standing in Christ is truly beyond what any of us could possibly imagine! Let us never again consider ourselves to be paupers; we are sons and daughters of the King of kings!
How would the quality of your life be different if you lived out the reality of what God says is true about you in Christ? How would you see yourself differently if you chose to look at yourself through God’s eyes and believe that what he says about you is true? The fact that you are a son or daughter of God should give you great confidence in his intimate and personal love for you. By choosing to focus your thoughts on what God says is true about you, the Holy Spirit will produce his fruit in your life (Galatians 5:22-23).
The question is this: Will you replace the perspective you have of yourself that is tainted by lies and distortions of the truth? The Holy Spirit’s renewing work—new life and a new identity—are essential to the Christ-formation process, as they provide the personal evidence of God’s love that we need to live securely connected to God.
The Holy Spirit Can Gently Reveal the Wounds in My Heart
Sin wounds the heart. The Psalms are filled with graphic descriptions of the physical and psychological pain that is produced by sin. David experienced physical pain and anguish of heart as a result of his sin of adultery with Bathsheba: “When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer” (Psalm 32:3-4), and in Psalm 38:4-8 (NLT), David laments,
My guilt overwhelms me—
it is a burden too heavy to bear.
My wounds fester and stink
because of my foolish sins.
I am bent over and racked with pain.
All day long I walk around filled with grief.
A raging fever burns within me,
and my health is broken.
I am exhausted and completely crushed.
My groans come from an anguished heart.
Jeremiah experienced great anguish of heart in response to God’s revelation of coming judgment for the sins of Judah: “My anguish, my anguish! I writhe in pain!” (Jeremiah 4:19). The Bible implies that the heart is a storehouse for emotional pain: “The heart knows its own bitterness” (Proverbs 14:10). Dallas Willard explained that the heart is greatly affected by life experiences:
Our life and how we find the world now and in the future is, almost totally, a simple result of what we have become in the depths of our being—in our spirit, will, or heart. From there we see our world and interpret reality. From there we make our choices, break forth into action, try to change our world. We live from our depths—most of which we do not understand.[5]
Emotional pain does not dissipate by itself over time. Instead, it festers and presents itself in a variety of ways, including distorted thoughts, damaging emotions, and an impaired ability to make good choices. All this works together to promote destructive behavior. Karl Lehman explains how unresolved emotional pain contributes to present problems:
When something in the present activates or “triggers” a traumatic memory, the unresolved toxic content comes out of where it’s stored and becomes part of what a person thinks and feels in the present. This coming forward of incompletely processed memory content into the present causes a wide variety of problems, such as addictions, mysterious physical symptoms, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety disorders, depression, eating disorders, impaired parenting, difficulty receiving new truth, impaired discernment and blocked peak performance.[6]
Yet, much of the unresolved emotional pain that energize the destructive dynamics of the heart is hidden in its depths and only known by God. Exposing these deeply held hurts in the heart is an important work of the Spirit in Christ-formation.
The sons of Korah reminded the Israelites that God “knows the secrets of the heart” (Psalm 44:21). Ezra revealed that God alone knows the hearts of his people when he prayed, “Forgive, and deal with everyone according to all they do, since you know their hearts (for you alone know the human heart)” (2 Chronicles 6:30, NIV). The Lord spoke through the prophet Jeremiah, saying, “I, GOD, search the heart and examine the mind” (Jeremiah 17:9-10, MSG). When rebuking the Pharisees, Jesus reminded them that “God knows your hearts” (Luke 16:15). While the apostles were trying to discern who should take the place of Judas as the next apostle, they prayed, “You, Lord, who know the hearts of all, show which one of these two you have chosen to take the place in this ministry of apostleship from which Judas turned aside to go to his own place” (Acts 1:24-25). Paul alludes to the fact that only God knows the heart. When speaking to the believers in Thessalonica, Paul says, “We speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts” (1 Thessalonians 2:4). Finally, in Revelation 2:23, Jesus says, “I am he who searches mind and heart.” Biblical evidence indicates that God alone knows the human heart, including all its secret hurts and conflicts.
One way the Holy Spirit helps us to resolve the hurts and conflicts that can hinder Christ-formation is to bring them into our conscious mind to process with God and others. The Holy Spirit exposes what is in our hearts—the painful life experiences and the distorted thoughts we struggle with—because they cannot be properly processed if left in the dark. Jesus said that “the truth will set you free” (John 8:32). The Holy Spirit is “the Spirit of truth” (John 16:13), the only one who can reveal not only the deep things of God (1 Corinthians 2:10) but also the deep things of the heart.
A good friend is someone who is willing to tell us the truth even if it hurts. The Holy Spirit wants to be this friend. He will not force his way into these secret places and demand we face our hurts and conflicts, but he is ready to respond to our invitation. David models this for us in Psalm 139:23-24: “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!” When we ask the Spirit of truth to reveal the hurt or hurtful ways in us, he will do so in a gentle and loving way.
After the Spirit reveals the pain, he will help us process it by rewiring our brains with the knowledge of God. This knowledge includes biblical information about God and our experiences with God.
How the Holy Spirit Can Rewire the Brain
Even though we are a new creation in Christ, God doesn’t erase old, painful memories, toxic thoughts, distortions, or faulty interpretations that have been wired into our brains over time. God doesn’t just hit the “clear” button at the moment of salvation. Instead, God wants us to process these things in relationship with him and others. Processing promotes greater understanding and maturity.
Earlier I described the trauma I experienced as a little boy after my parents’ divorce and during the years I lived in Utah. These experiences wounded my childhood heart and produced a toxic array of feelings which distorted my perspective of God, myself, and others. As I grew older, and after I gave my life to Jesus at age twelve, I did believe that God was my heavenly Father and that he was good, but my toxic emotions remained, hindering my ability to experience God’s personal loving care. This array of toxic emotions was triggered once again after I was fired as a senior pastor and came crashing down on me like an avalanche.
I can’t recall how many sermons I have preached over the years and how many times I have assured other people—in the midst of difficult times—that God had everything under control, but when I was lying buried under the rubble of my damaged emotions, I struggled greatly with doubt. I didn’t doubt God’s love and care for others; I doubted in God’s love and care for me. There was a conflict raging between what I knew in my head to be true about God—God takes care of his people—and what I felt in my heart was true about God, that God had not taken care of me.
English professor Judith Hougen helped me understand the reason for my conflict in her book Transformed into Fire:
The head can receive a great deal of truth without ever engaging the heart because there is a significant difference in how the head and the heart come to believe. . . .
[T]he heart believes only what it experiences. . . . Thus, the heart, in order to become convinced of a truth, needs physical or psychological experience.[7]
My childhood experiences had given me a limited set of memories to draw from. For most of my adolescence, I felt mostly rejected and alone, and my termination as pastor in adulthood triggered these past emotions. Today, because of my experience with God over the past six years (and a lot of hard inner work), I have closed the gap significantly between my head and my heart.
The toxic emotions and subsequent distorted thoughts I experienced during my childhood trauma did not disappear after I became a Christian, nor were they eliminated by the intellectual knowledge of God that I had gained during seminary and my years as a pastor. I had to work hard to process the pain that resided in the deep places of my heart. And the same is true for you. Resolving the spiritual/emotional conflicts that hinder Christ-formation requires a process that closes the gap between the head and the heart.
According to my experience in ministering to people over the last thirty years, more of us have a greater heart problem than a head problem. In other words, we have an overdeveloped rational understanding of God and an underdeveloped relational experience with God; we need both. Hougen rightly maintains that
The faith most of us have been handed is almost entirely cognitive, a relationship based on the ideas that we form about God or the ideas that we direct toward him. We have come to define belief as only intellectual decision and assent. Love, mercy, grace, sanctification—all are abstractions rather than living, daily realities, experiences that enflame the soul. If the heart enters into the spiritual equation, it slips in through the back door—usually via the weekend retreat or the mountaintop worship experience.[8]
While we draw a variety of conclusions from all our experiences—positive or negative—the negative experiences usually present the greatest challenge. Research suggests that it is the intensity of an emotion associated with an experience that makes it stick in our memory. When these emotions are negative, they can wire our brains in destructive ways that cause us to resist the love we need to fuel Christ-formation and a greater experience of the abundant life.
So then, how do you remove old unhealthy thoughts and replace them with new healthy thoughts? And how do you build relational experiences with God? What does that process look like? The good news is, it’s not as complicated as you might think, and it’s not a process you have to do alone. The Holy Spirit, who lives in you, will help you rewire your brain. As you choose to focus your thinking on Scripture, the Holy Spirit will confirm that truth in your heart. And as you practice communing with God, you will begin to experience a greater sense of his presence, peace, and joy.
The Holy Spirit is the agent of Christ-formation and the one who guides us into all truth (John 16:13-14), including the truth about God, self, and others. This means that we can reframe past experiences by replacing lies and distortions with what God says is true.
Please read 1 Corinthians 2:10-16 (NIV) below carefully:
The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit-taught words. The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit. The person with the Spirit makes judgments about all things, but such a person is not subject to merely human judgments, for,
“Who has known the mind of the Lord
so as to instruct him?”
But we have the mind of Christ.
Notice that the Holy Spirit knows the deep things of God; these include the thoughts and intentions of his heart. And the Holy Spirit makes God’s thoughts and intentions known to us: namely, all that is true about our new life in Christ. As we read and study the Bible, the Spirit will confirm the truth we find in our hearts and bring to our mind the things that God is thinking. We can always test what we hear God saying to us by checking with Scripture: God will never speak to our hearts in a way that is contrary to his Word. The Holy Spirit rewires our brains by confirming God’s truth in our hearts.
For example, we read in Scripture that God is love (1 John 4:8), and then the Holy Spirit pours God’s love in our hearts as confirmation (Romans 5:5). The Bible declares that God cares for his people: “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you” (Isaiah 41:10, NIV); and then the Spirit confirms in our heart that God cares for us, too: “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7, NIV). Jesus promised that one day he would return to take us to his Father’s house (John 14:2-3), and then the Holy Spirit confirms the truth of our heavenly inheritance in our hearts as the “guarantee of our inheritance” (Ephesians 1:14). These are only a few examples of how the Holy Spirit confirms in our hearts the truth we read in the Bible.
In addition to his work of confirmation, the Holy Spirit helps us remember Scripture when we need it. As we focus our attention on the truth in God’s Word, especially the words of Jesus, the Holy Spirit brings them to mind. Jesus said, “When you are arrested and stand trial, don’t worry in advance about what to say. Just say what God tells you at that time, for it is not you who will be speaking, but the Holy Spirit” (Mark 13:11, NLT). The more often you choose to think about what God says is true, the more these truths will become patterns of thought. As you think God’s thoughts, you will experience healthy emotions that will affect your desires and behavior.
This transformation process in our thinking is primarily the work of the Holy Spirit, but we also get to participate.
How to Partner with the Holy Spirit in Christ-Formation
Distorted thoughts and perceptions form strongholds that can be torn down, but the Holy Spirit does not do this without our participation. This is what Paul refers to in 2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV): “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” The Greek word Paul uses for arguments means “thought” or “reasoning.” And this demolishing is a continual, ongoing action. The thoughts that are “against the knowledge of God” include lies and distorted perceptions that make up faulty thinking. And when you hold those lies and distorted perceptions up to the light of God’s truth—comparing them to what God says is true in Scripture—they are demolished because the truth has exposed the lies. When you replace the lies and distorted perceptions with God’s revelation, you will begin to experience more of the abundant life than you ever thought possible. Figure 11.1 illustrates this process.
FIGURE 11.1
As you focus your thoughts (attention density in neuroplasticity) on God’s revelation, those neurons wire themselves together more densely, so those thoughts become your default thinking patterns. Over time, as you continue to meditate on God’s truth, you automatically lean toward health and life.
But in order for all this to work, you have to walk closely with the Holy Spirit. Three practical ways to do this are to study, meditate on, and memorize Scripture. I don’t know of a better way to cultivate a greater capacity to think God’s thoughts and partner with the Holy Spirit than to know God’s Word. If you never exert the effort it takes to study, meditate on, and memorize Scripture, you will be limited in your capacity to think God’s thoughts. In a very literal way, the Holy Spirit rewires your brain the more you internalize God’s truth.
All Scripture is helpful in rewiring the brain, but perhaps the most helpful are those verses that teach us the truth about God’s love and the various aspects of our new identity in Christ. I agree wholeheartedly with Neil Anderson:
I believe that your hope for growth, meaning and fulfillment as a Christian is based on understanding who you are—specifically, your identity in Christ as a child of God. Your understanding of who God is and who you are in relationship to Him is the critical foundation for your belief system and your behavior patterns as a Christian.[9]
When you choose to think about what God says is true about you “in Christ,” you strengthen the neural pathways in your brain that promote qualities of the abundant life. And when you choose to stop thinking toxic thoughts—the lies and distorted perceptions suggested by painful life experiences—they will dissolve over time (Hebb’s law and the quantum Zeno effect in action). This emphasis on thinking is very important in rewiring the brain, but there is another exercise that will accentuate the results: Immanuel journaling.
Communing with God Using Immanuel Journaling
I first discovered Immanuel journaling in the book Joyful Journey by E. James Wilder, Anna Kang, John Loppnow, and Sungshim Loppnow (with extensive contributions from Karl Lehman). The journal process teaches you how to practice interactive gratitude and attunement with God. I will briefly outline the journaling process below and provide exercises for each at the end of the chapter.
The first Immanuel-journaling exercise is practicing interactive gratitude. This exercise helps to cultivate a greater awareness of God’s presence, especially if we are feeling overwhelmed with any of the six big unpleasant emotions identified in Joyful Journey as “sadness, anger, fear, shame, hopeless despair, and disgust.”[10] This exercise incorporates a time for listening and writing down God’s response. You’ll find an interactive gratitude exercise you can do at the end of this chapter.
The second Immanuel-journaling exercise takes you through the sequence the brain follows when processing painful memories and emotions. It’s a practical way to attune with God. Attunement is a common technique applied by therapists. Karl Lehman says that practicing attunement with God helps people to feel seen, heard, and understood; they feel that God is with them, that God cares for them, and that God is glad to be with them.[11] God attuned to the Israelites in Exodus 3:7-8 through his conversation with Moses:
Then the LORD said, “I have surely seen the affliction of my people who are in Egypt and have heard their cry because of their taskmasters. I know their sufferings, and I have come down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land to a good and broad land, a land flowing with milk and honey.”
Notice in this passage how God assures the Israelites he has seen their suffering and heard their cries for help. He spoke of his concern about their situation and committed not only to deliver them from their oppressors but to take them to a Promised Land filled with rich provisions. People can offer attunement to each other, but people are limited. We can experience the benefits of attuning with God all the time. Immanuel journaling offers a structure to do so,
a structure with opportunities to slow down and receive God’s validation in the midst of our struggles. When we experience God’s comfort and help we become aware of His presence, and peace is restored to us. . . . Ultimately, Immanuel journaling allows us to become aware of God’s good, generous and tender presence in our lives.[12]
Rewiring Is Essential and Biblical
The cognitive aspect for rewiring our brain includes focusing our thoughts on God’s revelation. As we take our distortions captive to Christ, we are able to replace lies with truth. The Holy Spirit then confirms this truth in our hearts, rewiring our brain. The relational aspect that rewires the brain cultivates a greater sense of God’s presence as we feel cared for and understood.
This rewiring process is essential to both Christ-formation and our capacity to experience the abundant life. In the next chapter, we will dive deeper into the science of love, which will inform our understanding of why relationships are so important to the Christ-formation process.
Restoring My Soul with God
Interactive Gratitude Exercise
Try this exercise for the next five days, writing about five different situations you are grateful for.
- Pray. Ask the Lord to help you remember something that you are grateful for and write it down in a conversational manner. Example: “Lord, thank you for providing for me during the COVID-19 pandemic. I am so grateful to you for your lavish provision for me and my family. As I trust you in this, I feel at peace about the future, knowing that you will provide. Thank you!”
Be present to the feelings of gratitude you are experiencing right now. If you are having difficulty coming up with something, tell the Lord you are struggling and ask him to help you. You’ll find that when you share your struggle with God, it takes the pressure off and helps you get unstuck.
- Reflect on your gratitude statement from above and ask God what he wants to say to you. Write down whatever comes to mind. “Focus on putting down what you sense about His response to your gratitude. This is our humble attempt to hear God.”[13] Example: “Ken, I love meeting your needs. I have so much more to give you that goes beyond your daily needs. Trust me for your provision and everything else. I am especially fond of you. You are my dear, beloved child. You can rest in confidence that I am with you and will take care of you. Lay yourself down in my green pasture, and be at peace.”
Now that you are finished with this exercise, read it to a trusted friend. Reflect on each statement and answer the following question: “Have I worried less this week because of this exercise?”
Attunement Exercise
Set aside forty-five to sixty minutes for this attunement exercise.
- Begin by reading the story of Hagar in Genesis 16:6-12.
- Which of the “big six” emotions (sadness, anger, fear, shame, hopeless despair, disgust) do you think Hagar was feeling?
- Ask the Holy Spirit to help you remember a time when you felt one or more of the “big six” emotions. Write down your experience using the following questions: What happened? Where did it happen? Who was present? and How old were you?
- Now that you remember that painful experience and you are present to your emotions, write about your observable actions and surroundings as if God is describing them back to you. Example: “Ken, I see you sitting at your desk with your head in your hands.” “I can see your cup of coffee and that you are sitting in the room alone.”
- From God’s perspective, write about your body movements, sensations, expressions, or responses that someone else might not notice if they were sitting with you. Example: “Ken, I can see that your shoulders are tense.” “I can see that your heart is racing.” “I can see that you are feeling very sad.” “I can see the tears welling up in your eyes.” “I can see that you are having trouble remembering anything that is good.” “I can see the butterflies in your stomach.”
- Now move into a stage called “God Hears You.” Write out what God is hearing you say and what you are thinking. Listen to what God describes to you, and notice how carefully he is paying attention to what you are saying and thinking. Example: “Ken, I can hear you crying.” “I can hear you yelling.” “I know you’re thinking: God doesn’t love me. God won’t forgive me for my anger, my bitterness, my jealousy. I don’t trust you, God. I feel afraid and uncertain about this situation. I just want all this pain to go away.”
- Continue writing down the unspoken words in your mind. God already knows your thoughts; he is not going to strike you down or judge you. He wants you to identify them and share them with him. It’s okay; you can be honest. Examples: “Ken, I hear you judging yourself.” “I know your mind is racing.” “I know you’re afraid to be honest about your feelings.” “I hear you thinking you don’t deserve my love.” “I hear you saying to yourself, I should be angry. It’s not fair. She can’t do this to me. I don’t deserve this. After everything I’ve done for them. I should have known; I’m so stupid.” “Ken, I hear the fears that you are too ashamed to acknowledge.”
- Now begins the stage called “God Understands.” Many times, we judge the things that make us sad by comparing our problems with greater problems of others. But God doesn’t do that. God cares about what is bothering you, and he understands. Write down what God is saying to you that validates your pain. Examples: “Ken, I can see this is a big deal for you, and I’m sorry.” “You feel like you are drowning, don’t you?” “This is as big as your parents’ divorce.” “This is a big deal, but I’m bigger. I can help you.” “I understand how sad you feel about this.” “I understand how angry and hurt you feel.” “I know your heart is filled with fear, but I am here.” “I know how impatient your stepfather was with you and how you got on his nerves, but I am not him.”
- Next comes the stage called “God Is Glad to Be with You.” Sometimes we think there is a big pile of sin between us and God. It’s easy to think that God loves us more when we do good than when we sin, that our weaknesses disappoint God. But God knows everything we will ever do, so how can he be disappointed? God loves each of us as much in this moment as he will ever love us. Read the story about Peter’s betrayal of Jesus (Luke 22:54-62) and then how Jesus restored him (John 21:15-17). Jesus loved Peter in spite of his sin. Write down God’s confirmation of his love for you. Examples: “I am so glad to see you, Ken; I love hanging out with you.” “I am so proud of you.” “I am always interested in how you feel and what you are thinking.” “You are my beloved child.” “I am glad and thankful that you are here with me, that you are listening to me tell you how much you matter to me.”
- The final step is called “God Can Do Something about What You Are Going Through.” Review the story of Hagar (Genesis 16:6-12). How did God show her his goodness? How did God promise to help her even though he wasn’t going to change her immediate situation?
- Write down your impressions of what you think God wants to do for you. Examples: “Ken, I will be with you no matter what. I want to walk through the pain with you. How can you know I’m your provider if you are never in need? How can you know I’m your comforter if you never feel sad or alone? Your circumstances do not need to change for you to experience my joy and peace.” “I will give you strength.” “Do not forget that this life is not all there is; there is so much more. Keep one eye on eternity.” “I want you to know that I am working behind the scenes of your situation, doing things that you are not aware of. Trust in me.”
Restoring My Soul with Others
- If you feel comfortable, share your experience with the interactive gratitude or attunement exercises.
- How would you explain our part in the Christ-formation process? How would you explain the role of the Holy Spirit?
- How do you understand the difference between the head and the heart? Have you ever experienced a gap between the two?
- Review the “Identity in Christ” list (Appendix C). Which of these aspects is the Holy Spirit confirming for you today? What does that mean to you?
- Review Figure 11.1 on page 123. How would you describe the impact of God’s revelation on the heart?