CULTIVATE GOOD MANNERS

These days, it seems manners, etiquette and common courtesy are generally viewed as relics from a bygone era. But politeness, respect and thoughtfulness are as necessary now as ever they have been to allow us all to coexist in a crowded world. And with the rise of social media, these qualities have become even more vital. Often the best online rule is still what grandma told you: ‘If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all’. It’s worth keeping in mind, too, that present and future employers may become aware of any inappropriate posts.

The observance of social niceties does go in and out of fashion. Where once it was considered the height of good manners for a man to open the door for a woman, now such behaviour may be regarded as sexist. It was once common practice to stand for a pregnant woman or the elderly on public transport; nowadays, many people need to be prompted to do this.

Yes, it’s easy to understand why people who already have good manners despair these days, but the simple fact is unless children are taught the basics – to say please, excuse me and thank you; to eat with their mouth closed or to not to push in – how will they ever learn?

HOW TO CULTIVATE GOOD MANNERS IN THE REAL WORLD AND ONLINE

  If you feel you need extra help, check your local bookshop or library for books on manners or etiquette.

  Manners are as important online as they are anywhere else. Be courteous and treat others as you want to be treated yourself.

  Avoid interacting or posting comments online if you are feeling especially tired, emotionally vulnerable or you’ve been consuming alcohol.

  Be mindful of how you respond to hurtful emails or online comments. Usually it’s best to wait before answering, walk away from your screen and take time to compose your reply.

  Avoid sending game invitations or posting too much, too often on social media, and if someone rejects a friend request, accept it and move on.

  Talk to your parents or grandparents about what was considered polite or rude in their day – you may be surprised.

  Observe people with good manners, and if you know them well enough maybe ask them for tips.

  You can learn, too, from people behaving badly in public! Chances are that if you find certain behaviour unacceptable, so will others.

  Period dramas can offer a fascinating window on how society behaved in times past.

  Employ the adage ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you’.

I guess that’s the thing about manners, they’re a bit like clothes: we tend to notice them more when they are lacking. Basically, manners are simply treating other people in the way you would like to be treated yourself. Good manners demonstrate kindness and respect for others, and also acknowledge common values.

One approach for maintaining good manners in the face of an ever-more-neglectful world is to lead by example. Such a tactical approach allows you to be true to your own values while limiting any frustration you may feel towards others. If you feel you need a bit of a brush-up on the subject, don’t despair: every day in any situation there is the opportunity to improve your manners.