We have a confession to make: we love the Bible. That’s probably not a huge surprise. After all, Chip is president of Walk Thru the Bible (not just a clever name), and Tim writes/edits a devotional magazine called YouthWalk that gets students into the Bible every day. To us, the Bible isn’t just a fashion accessory for when we go to church; it’s our daily source of life (along with coffee, another gift from God on a much smaller level).
But it wasn’t always that way for me (Tim). I had to realize how much I needed it before I started reading it.
I’ve always had a Bible. I’ve always carried it with me to church, and it actually came in quite handy for keeping old bulletins, drawings, and notes I had written to my friends. But other than that, I never really flipped it open until somebody asked me to look something up in Sunday school or the pastor said, “Turn to . . .” My Bible was just another book on my shelf, and one I didn’t like half as much as my comic books or some of my favorite novels.
I had always been the “good” Christian kid. I liked church, and it was where I found a lot of support and encouragement that seemed to be lacking at school and in my friendships. I prided myself on knowing all the right answers in Sunday school and my ability to “serve God” by singing solos or performing in drama productions. (Honestly, all I was serving was my insecurity.)
But when I transferred to an out-of-state college, my good boy facade started unraveling. I always knew I was sinful because that’s what I had been told. I knew I made some mistakes, but I really thought I was basically a good person.
But then I got involved with someone sexually, and I came face-to-face with my sinfulness in a big way. A couple of people called me out on it, but I wasn’t willing to walk away from the relationship. Finally, God orchestrated the end of the liaisons and I was left wondering, What in the world did I just do?
The shame of my sin was overwhelming. It’s not that I had never had a sexually impure thought before then, but I had always told myself there was a line I wasn’t going to cross.
I not only crossed it, but for a month I erased it.
And when I woke up, I was at rock bottom. Friendships started disintegrating. I was all alone. More lonely than I had ever been in my life (and I had been lonely lots of times). I had nowhere else to turn but to God.
So I opened my Bible. I still remember the passage of Scripture I read, 2 Timothy 4:16: “At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me. May it not be held against them.” I had much bigger issues going on than my loneliness, but God cared enough to meet me there first. He showed me through his Word that I wasn’t the only one who ever felt lonely or abandoned.
I saw myself in the Bible that day. I saw that somehow this book had something to say about what I was going through, and I wanted to know more.
That’s when I fell in love with the Bible. I started reading it every day. I used the concordance in the back to look up all kinds of verses about loneliness. And as I looked stuff up, I began to learn about God, who he was and what he said about me. That’s also when I really fell in love with God. It went beyond the words I said and moved into how I lived my life.
If you’ve grown up in the church, how many times have you heard someone say, “You need to read your Bible every day”? We’re guessing about a million—okay, maybe a million and one.
But it probably wasn’t just “Read your Bible.” That statement is usually followed by a list of other things a “good” Christian is supposed to do daily—pray, serve others, lead others to Christ, live a pure life, avoid sin, and take care of the poor, sick, and widowed. And that’s just the beginning, because you know when you go to church, there’s going to be something new added to the list that you’d better start doing.
It’s overwhelming. How are you going to fit all that in with the other things on your “to do” list—stuff like chores, homework, band, football, baseball, work, cheerleading, youth group, whatever? After a while, you start tuning it all out.
You may even be feeling overwhelmed right now as you read this book. You’re wondering if you need to make up some kind of cheat sheet to help you start out as friends, treat the other person like a brother or sister, and make their spiritual growth a top priority. And how are you going to fit in all that inward character, outward modesty, and upward devotion stuff?
Living out this sex180 sounds like a lot of work, doesn’t it?
What if you forget something? Do you have to start all over?
Does that mean you’re kicked out of the revolution?
Before you get too worked up and we have to jolt you back to reality, stop, take a breath, and listen.
You can’t do this.
“Uh, excuse me?” you may be thinking. “You mean to tell me that I’ve read 11 chapters in this book and you picked now to tell me that I can’t do this? Seriously? Thanks for wasting my time.”
You can’t live out this sex180 on your own—not without some help. We know that. But most importantly, God knows that. That’s why he says, “This is my heart for relationships and sex, so I’m going to give you what you need to live it out.”
The one who invented sex and relationships wants to help you do it all right. Cool, huh? It’s kind of like Bill Gates offering to help you figure out your computer or Shakespeare tutoring you on writing poetry—only way better.
It’s not a cool T-shirt or a bracelet or a ring.
This gear is much sweeter than that.
[ the handoff ]
Before God can hand off the gear you need to live out this sex180, he wants to establish one key thing: he wants a relationship with you before he wants you to start a revolution.
Relationships are a big priority to God—and a relationship with you is a big deal to him. We know, it’s pretty bizarre to think that God, the Creator of the universe, wants to hang out with each one of us. He wants to walk through life with us. And he wants us to live out his commands so we can get the most out of life. Yeah, we don’t always get it either, but isn’t it really cool?
But God didn’t just say he wanted a relationship with us; he backed up his desires. He sent his only Son, Jesus Christ, to come to earth and become both human and divine. (We don’t quite understand this one either, but it still is very cool.) Jesus walked the earth and experienced life, but with one huge difference—he didn’t sin. And because of that, Jesus could become the sacrifice needed to die for our sins, to bridge the gap between sinful us and a holy God. Before then, God and sin couldn’t be in the same room together. But because of what Jesus did, we can now enter into God’s presence. The price for our sin has been paid once and for all.
So what does that have to do with you? It all begins with you realizing that you’ve got a problem—your sin. Despite your best efforts, you’ll never be good enough, perfect enough, or loving enough. You’re flawed to the core because of your sinful nature. That’s not a slam against you, just a reality. We’re all flawed; we’re all sinful (see Romans 3:23).
It doesn’t take very long to figure that out. Let’s say you make a vow: “Okay, I’m not going to lose my temper in traffic anymore. I’m going to keep my cool.” You do your best to make sure that doesn’t happen. You learn how to count to ten when you start feeling your anger getting out of hand. You do breathing exercises to relieve your stress. You visualize a calmer you sitting in your car.
Then one morning your alarm clock doesn’t go off and you wake up late for school. You find out that your little brother unplugged your clock to recharge his cell phone. You hop in the shower and discover that he also used all the hot water. You run out the door past the single pancake left on the plate. This just keeps getting better, you think sarcastically.
You have ten minutes to get to school. If you take the back way you can make it. You breathe a sigh of relief. It’s going to happen. You’re going to make it to school in time.
But then she pulls out in front of you—an elderly woman who can barely see over the steering wheel—and she’s driving s - u - p - e - r s - l - o - w. You try to pass her but there’s no way around her car.
You lose it—big time. You start screaming and yelling, even letting fly a few words that you didn’t know you knew. Your best attempts to be a good person just got detoured. You just can’t be good enough 24/7. You need divine help.
“Okay, I’m a sinner. Now what?” you ask.
Next, you acknowledge that Jesus Christ did something about this sin problem. And honestly, he was the only one who could because, remember, he was (and is) God’s Son. He lived a sinless life (the only one) and was killed on a cross. But he not only died, he rose from the dead. Jesus paid the price for your sins. He covered your debt, and because of that, he bridged the gap between you and God.
So you confess, “Jesus, I’m a sinner. And I need someone who can do something about this. I believe you’re the Someone. In fact, I believe you’re the Son of God. And your death and resurrection was for me. Please forgive me. Come into my life right now. Help me live this life your way. I surrender everything to you.”
And the journey begins. You can now talk to God directly. You can have a relationship with him. You not only can say you love him but you are given power to actually follow his lead and live a life of love and purity.
The sinful patterns and sinful desires are still there—but we’re no longer a slave to them. We have a choice. See, not only did Jesus pay for our sins, but now the Holy Spirit lives in us, helping us to become more like Christ by giving us the desire and the power to let Jesus live out his life in us. He actually takes up residence in us and becomes our constant companion and friend by means of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19). By his power he chisels away all the rotten, sinful, twisted parts of our lives where we’re just used to doing our own thing.
We’re an extreme makeover—although it’s a lifelong process, not just seven days.
It’s a constant process, and we’re the ultimate renovation project. The Holy Spirit acts as the deposit to get the work started—God’s pledge to not leave us like we are. He loves us too much to do that. The Bible describes it like this: “It is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come” (2 Corinthians 1:21–22).
Jesus came to give us new life and a new way to live—with some divine, internal help. That helper is the Holy Spirit. Jesus said, “It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you” (John 16:7).
The Holy Spirit is part of your gear to live out this revolution.
[ the Holy Spirit ]
God knew you would need help following Jesus’s example. He knew that you couldn’t become like Jesus Christ on your own. So Jesus’ sacrifice paved the way for the Holy Spirit to move in and renovate your life. If you’re a follower of Christ, the Holy Spirit is the one who helps you live out not only Jesus’s commands but also his heart. He’s the one who lives within you and helps you live out the sex180.
When you’re flipping channels and you see a talk show where the guest is surprised to find out his wife has been cheating on him and she’s surprised to find out that he’s doing the same, and as you’re watching a thought pops in your head, That is so wrong! Sex is too sacred and too serious to play around like that!—that’s the Holy Spirit. He reminds you of the truth God has taught you. Jesus said, “The Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and remind you of everything I have said to you” (John 14:26).
When you’re trying to take all this head knowledge about God and sexuality and really understand it in your heart, the Holy Spirit helps you make that transition. “Who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man’s spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God” (1 Corinthians 2:11).
When your body is screaming for some kind of deeper connection with the object of your affection and you’re struggling to say no, the Holy Spirit reminds you that there’s another way. “Live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature” (Galatians 5:16).
When you’re not even sure what that looks like, the Holy Spirit points out the escape route from sin. “God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it” (1 Corinthians 10:13).
God doesn’t just sit back and watch as you try your best to live out his truth. Jesus paid way too high of a price for that kind of “hands off” attitude. His love is much too great for that. He never leaves—he’s there with us every step of the way (see Matthew 28:20). And through the Holy Spirit, God gives us the gear not only to live out this sex180 but also to become more like Christ.
[ the Bible ]
We’ve already mentioned the other piece of gear with which God’s equipped you to live in a revolutionary way—the Bible. Ever since that time in my life I (Tim) talked about at the beginning of this chapter, I’ve approached the Bible in a different way. Sure, some days I will read something and think “Huh?” but most of the time I never cease to learn something new about God or myself as I read his Word.
Some verses I’ve read a hundred times, but sometimes the hundred-and-first time I read them, those same verses speak to me in a whole new, deeper way.
That’s the Holy Spirit speaking to me. He speaks to you too. When you read your Bible and a verse, chapter, or even word seems to jump out at you and connect with your heart, the Holy Spirit is teaching you some new truth about God. You see, these two pieces of revolution gear are interlinked. They work together.
It’s what makes the Bible not just an ancient book but something that is both relevant and alive. Hebrews 4:12 says, “The word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”
When you don’t know what to do, the Bible gives you direction. “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path” (Psalm 119:105).
When you want to live pure, seeing sex as sacred and serious, it helps you do it. “Direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me” (Psalm 119:133).
When you wonder, “How can a young man keep his way pure?” the Bible gives you the answer: “By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you” (Psalm 119:9–11).
When others make you feel like an idiot for what you believe, you can read, “You are my refuge and shield; I have put my hope in your word” (Psalm 119:114).
When you’re afraid to speak out, the Bible gives you the support you need to do it. “Lord, consider their threats and enable your servants to speak your word with great boldness” (Acts 4:29).
When you need strength to go on, the Bible has what you need. “Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God” (Matthew 4:4).
The Bible is your gear not only for the revolution but for life.
You can live out the sex180—with God’s help. On your own, you’re just spinning your wheels.
But you have a part to play too. You are the one who chooses to open your Bible—not because you’re supposed to but because you can’t wait to see what God has to say to you today.
You’re the one who recognizes that while you may feel like you’re all alone in the revolution, the Holy Spirit is your daily help in living in a way that’s 180 degrees different from everyone else. Not just because you want to be different but because you don’t want to settle for anything less than God’s best.
Now that you’ve got your gear, you need a plan for how you’re going live the revolution.
[ sexual purity demands a game plan ]
You can expect certain results if you do a sex180:
These things are true, but if you stopped here, you would face a huge problem. You will fail if you walk into the world armed with only head knowledge about God’s 180 way to approach love, sex, and relationships. When it comes to our hormones, we don’t usually make decisions based on head knowledge. You need much more than facts.
We humans are emotional beings who make some of our most important decisions based on impulses and peer pressure. Think for a moment about the thousands of people who know about the dangers of smoking, overeating, and drinking and driving but whose actions directly contradict their knowledge of the facts. This same principle applies in the way we handle our sexuality. Facts will not be enough to control our actions.
We’re guessing that if you closed this book right now, within the next twenty-four hours you would suffer some major setbacks in trying to implement this 180 in your life, even if you are fully resolved to do so. Between your habits and our culture’s traps, you’re an easy target. Before the day is done, you may watch a football game or other sporting event that will include enough commercials with innuendos and messages to plant in your mind subliminal thoughts like, If I only had this kind of beer, or this kind of car, or that kind of deodorant, gorgeous women would be falling at my feet. Or, if you’re a girl, If I start using that shampoo or wearing that secret lingerie, some handsome hunk with gorgeous hair and bulging biceps will appear in my living room and announce, “Baby! Where have you been all my life? I need you!”
You need a game plan so you not only know what you have for the journey (your gear) and where you’re going (all the stuff you’ve read so far) but also how you’re going to get there.
[ the game plan ]
step 1: develop convictions
The first step in living a sex180 is to develop convictions. Purity requires a personal commitment to the truth. The particular truth we’re talking about is in Ephesians 5:2–4:
Live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.
That truth forbids sex of any kind that is outside of God’s ordained design of one man and one woman within the marriage commitment. Say with your heart and mind, “I’m not going to go there mentally. I’m not going to go there in the way I talk or in the things I joke about. I’m not going to go there in my lifestyle.” This makes it a personal commitment, a conviction that will affect your choices.
We don’t mean intellectually agreeing with what the Bible says or what research has revealed. We don’t mean adopting the beliefs of others you admire. We’re talking about a personal conviction where you own a certain standard. From your heart, you say, “I am going to make a personal, purposeful commitment to live a life where my mind will be sexually pure, my speech will be sexually pure, and my actions will be sexually pure. I’m going to do it God’s way, whether I’m in high school, college, single, or married.”
When you close this book or turn on the television or go on your next date, how will your actions demonstrate what you really believe?
How does what you say you believe affect what you do with sexual urges?
In what ways do you demonstrate your convictions when you get on the Internet or walk by the convenience store and notice all those magazines?
What happens to your convictions when you flip on the television and some sensual scene comes on and you know it’s the antithesis of everything you believe about godly love? Do you get sucked in, or do you express your convictions with the remote? That kind of conviction says, “I’m going to switch the station immediately, not because someone else is watching but because I’m convinced that God loves me so much that he allowed Jesus to die on the cross to deliver me from self-destructive behavior. He cares for me so much that I’m going to do life this way. Not because of anyone or anything else. This is between God and me—no matter what responses or repercussions I get from others. I’m going to do life God’s way.” That’s a conviction.
step 2: think about the “after”
The second step of God’s game plan is to ponder the consequences of sexual sin. Ephesians 5:5–6 lists some heavy consequences. People who do life, relationships, and sexual activity outside the boundaries of God’s way eventually will experience some dismal results. Pondering consequences can provoke a certain amount of fear, and that’s okay. Fear can be a legitimate and healthy motivation for delayed gratification.
We need to ponder carefully the spiritual price tag of not doing life God’s way when we are tempted to indulge in sexual fantasies or sexual behavior. We need to remember the feelings of guilt and shame that always follow sexual sin and what it does to our relationship with God. We must force ourselves to calculate the relational price tag of what sexual sin will do to the person we’re involved with. You would be amazed at what a powerful deterrent imagining a lifetime with HIV/AIDS or genital herpes in exchange for a few moments of pleasure can be. Or consider the physical, emotional, and financial price tag of discovering your girlfriend is pregnant. Or imagine when your uncontrolled passion results in a broken relationship.
Thinking about the consequences has to be both vivid and honest. It has to remove any sense of confidence in ourselves and our ability to stay true to God’s plan on our own. The Bible warns, “If you think you are standing strong, be careful, for you, too, may fall into the same sin” (1 Corinthians 10:12 NLT).
step 3: make pre-decisions
The third step of the game plan is to make pre-decisions. Advanced decision making is absolutely essential for sexual purity. Ephesians 5:8 tells us to walk as children of the light. Certain areas in our spiritual lives require us to “stand firm” and do battle (see Ephesians 6:10–17), but certain areas in our spiritual lives require us to flee instead.
Second Timothy 2:22 describes what fleeing means: “Run from anything that stimulates youthful lust. Follow anything that makes you want to do right. Pursue faith and love and peace, and enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts” (NLT). The idea here is to escape lust. It’s not about being strong; it’s about knowing when to retreat.
You and I are not strong enough for every temptation. No one is. The key to our response is to think ahead about what we will or won’t do. Let me give you a few examples:
When dirty jokes start at school. “I think the biggest way that people know all these deep secrets in your life is by your talk,” Mike says. “I look at my Christian friends and non-Christian friends, and a lot of them are joking about the same stuff—sex. I know there are a lot of times when I make a lot of sexual innuendo jokes. What comes out of your mouth is your character. What you say kind of forms and shapes who you are. I think the biggest way for us to start a sexual revolution is to watch what’s coming out of our mouths. Are we representing what we’re standing for in our talk? Even if it’s little jokes.” Decide ahead what you will and will not talk about—or listen to.
When something comes on TV that is offensive or suggestive. If a show is on and people start taking off their clothes and you feel yourself being drawn in, use the remote in your hand and beep! it’s gone. Don’t say, “Oh, this scene will be over in a minute. I’ll just watch it until they get back to the main story.” When it comes on, turn it off. A pre-decision.
The same principles apply to certain magazines, stores, and movies. Pre-deciding is not about being legalistic; it’s about being honest and realistic about yourself and God’s best for your life.
Here’s the game we play: “Let’s see, where’s the line? Here’s the blatant sin. How close can I get without falling in?” God doesn’t put barriers and warning signs up so that we will try to live right next to them. He gives us these so we’ll run the other way!
Don’t just ask what other Christians are doing to determine what you will do. They could be way off. Determine, through prayer and reading the Bible, what God wants you to do.
Make a pre-decision about how far you will go with the opposite sex when you are dating. Make a pre-decision about where you will go on the date and what time you will take your date home. Make a pre-decision about what parties you will go to and when you’re going to leave. Make a pre-decision about what you will do when you see certain magazines or movies.
step 4: get accountable
Asking others to help you keep your commitments to God will empower you to walk in ways that are pleasing to the Lord.
Identify two or three people who will boldly and regularly check with you about your commitments. People who share your passion for living like Jesus in every area of life. People who will not only call you out when they see you doing something that doesn’t line up with God’s Word but will do so in a loving, supportive way.
You need people who will put down their masks and get real with you. People who will share what’s really going on inside them—where they’re struggling and where they’re surrendering.
It’s also a good idea for guys to find a group of guys and girls to find a group of girls to hold you to your personal commitment to living a life of inward character, outward modesty, and upward devotion.
The Bible says, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12). If you stumble in your efforts to live out God’s call, that person or group of friends can pick you back up again. “If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!” (Ecclesiastes 4:10).
While the Bible and the Holy Spirit are major gear for the revolution, you need to plan ahead to make sure you have a flesh-and-blood person in your life who can physically walk beside you and say, “I’m going to help you live this out.”
[ “God stuff” ]
To make sure that all you’ve learned about God’s 180 way to view sex and relationships doesn’t just get parked in your head next to all the other “God stuff” that you know you’re supposed to do, God gives you the gear to live out the revolution daily. He equips you to live out his best. This isn’t self-help stuff; this is divine-help stuff.
That doesn’t mean you kick back and don’t play a part. You have choices. You have decisions. And to prepare for whatever challenges are going to come your way as you try to live out this 180, you’d better think ahead about what you’re going to do. Develop your plan.
Isn’t it amazing that the God who says, “Here’s what you should do” about sex, love, and relationships is also the God who says, “I’ll walk alongside you and equip you to live this out”?
Once again, God’s heart for you is revealed—and it’s for your best.
But God’s not just about you. He loves the whole world, remember?
He wants you to play a part in making that known.
That’s how the lasting revolutions take place.
[ the revolution inside ]