Hello,
LUCKY
When it comes to luck, more is more. It’s no coincidence that virtually every culture, religion, and community has devised auspicious rituals around weddings. In fact, it’s folklore—the traditional practices and wisdom people preserve through time, then pass on to future generations to make life more meaningful, and more fun. Most of these rituals revolve around liminal stages, life’s major transitions, such as birth, coming-of-age, death, and, everybody’s favorite, marriage.
Transitions thrill us, but facing change also makes us nervous. We’re all aware that life is full of elements we can’t control. This knowledge makes us uncomfortable, so we develop rituals to help us feel we’re doing something to tip the odds in our favor, shaping our fate to the extent we can. At a wedding, it’s not just the couple getting married who may be anxious, albeit excited, about their future, but their families, too. Regardless of the cultures they come from, most wedding-related rituals focus on the same themes: the end of childhood and the beginning of adulthood; two individuals leaving the families they grew up in and starting a new one; fertility and future generations; and the hope for a long, happy life together.
Major life changes aside, when you’re planning a wedding, you could also stress about a million details. For example, will it rain on your outdoor ceremony? Every wedding planning book will tell you to reserve a tent as a backup plan, and that’s good, solid, practical advice. But this book recommends burying a bottle of bourbon at the ceremony site before the event, a tradition from the Southern United States said to ensure good weather (and great photo ops). Once you’ve finished patting down the dirt, you can rest easy, knowing you’ve done your part, it’s out of your hands, and now you can focus on what really matters—marrying the love of your life and enjoying that great party you’re throwing.
But calming anxiety isn’t the only purpose of a ritual. The repetition of these actions over time makes them feel sacred, linking us to past and future generations. And choosing a few good-luck rituals is also a meaningful way to personalize your wedding. That can be done by incorporating customs from your religion or your spouse-to-be’s heritage, or working in details that are significant—and auspicious—to you. If you first met at a Cinco de Mayo celebration, for example, that’s a great excuse to serve margaritas and guacamole during cocktail hour.
HOW TO USE THIS BOOK
These pages hold a collection of rituals, customs, traditions—you might even call some superstitions—that have evolved over centuries, all around the world, and each is focused on bringing good fortune to couples getting married. The rituals described here are by no means rules you have to follow. They’re traditions meant to inspire ways for you to celebrate your love and extend your joy—and luck—to your guests. Like love, luck multiplies when it’s shared.
A good wedding is equal parts planning and magic. Hundreds of other books are devoted to the planning; this one brings the magic. It’s organized by phases of the planning process. If you’re newly engaged, read through from start to finish; you’ll find rituals for everything from setting your date to entering your new home. If you’re getting married next week, or even tomorrow, you still might want to start at the beginning, if only to find spiritual support for the choices you’ve already made. (Your in-laws still haven’t stopped complaining that your midweek wedding means their out-of-town friends can’t attend? Don’t tell them that’s why you picked it, but do inform them of the old English ditty “Marry on Monday for wealth, Tuesday for health, Wednesday the best day of all…” and say you picked the date to ensure a happy life together.) Or, if you’re at a particular stage in the planning already, scan the Contents page and go straight to the section that applies to your current situation, then read the rest for more inspiration.
There’s also an index in the back listing the cultures whose customs are referenced here, so if you’re a shiksa marrying a Jewish person, or a ksenos getting hitched to a Greek, you can go straight to the pages with traditions that will mean the most to you—or to your in-laws. And, of course, you can flip to your own background to remind yourself of favorite customs, or even discover a few that are new to you. A tradition that reflects your or your partner’s familial, religious, or cultural background is inherently meaningful. But you might also take inspiration from another community, reimagining its ritual so that it speaks to you. You may go big with a Hispanic lazo ritual (see this page), incorporating one into your ceremony, or, you could just let the custom inspire you to hold hands as you walk back up the aisle, binding yourselves together that way. Whatever you decide, the ritual should reflect who you are as a couple. You can explain the significance or historical basis of your choices in your program, or keep your reasons to yourselves.
One word of warning. This book is not an all-knowing encyclopedia of global folklore, detailing every wedding tradition ever. Folklore is always growing and changing; there are almost as many rituals as there are families, and they evolve as they are passed on from generation to generation and from person to person. If your community has an amazing, auspicious custom that you didn’t find here, I would be thrilled to hear about it; please email me at eleni@luckyinlovebook.com.
And remember, with lucky customs, there’s always a work-around. If a traditionally unlucky date is the best one to hold your wedding (because it turns out everyone can only make it on Friday the 13th, say), you can choose an auspicious time of day to wed, and fill the reception hall with feng-shui touches. Rituals and traditions make ceremonies, and life, richer and more beautiful, but in the end, you create your own luck. By incorporating a traditional custom into your wedding, you’re personalizing your event, but also connecting your sacred ritual to those of countless other couples who have gone before you. What could be luckier than that?
