Unlike my experience the day before, I awoke with a positive attitude on the morning of my second day at the retreat. Unfortunately, it lasted only until I realized I would not be having my usual eight shots of espresso to start my day. My normal routine was to get out of bed and make myself an iced caramel macchiato with four shots of espresso. I would drink that down every morning as I got ready for work, and then I would make myself a second one to take with me on the drive.
It was shortly after 6 AM. I looked around my hotel room and noticed the coffee pot, but there was no coffee to be found anywhere. It occurred to me that perhaps this was not an oversight by the maid service. A quick call to the front desk confirmed my suspicion that there would not be any kind of caffeine permitted during this seven-day immersion.
I don’t know why, but I had never thought of the possibility of not having access to things like caffeine, salt, sugar, or oil while at immersion. I suppose I should have expected such restrictions. I was on a health retreat, after all. On the surface, the notion of letting go of these items for one week may not sound terribly stressful, but I was a bit concerned about how I would function without my daily doses of coffee.
A quick peek at the agenda for the week reminded me that I needed to get going. I had been scheduled to have blood work done in about an hour. During the welcome dinner the night before, we had been informed that we would each have blood drawn and measurements taken before breakfast. Apparently, when you switch to a plant-based diet of whole food, your body can change pretty quickly, so it’s important to monitor things closely in case certain medications need to be adjusted or stopped altogether. This initial blood test was meant to present an accurate picture of my health status before beginning immersion. It would later be compared to blood work performed on the final day of the program.
By the time I got out of the shower, my roommate, Michael, had already left to get his blood drawn, so I took a moment to phone Iris and check in. Despite it being two hours earlier in Colorado, I knew she wanted me to call. We talked about all the people I had met the night before. I told her how we had all hung out on the patio, chatting and getting to know each other. I explained how diverse the group was. There were both young and old people at the retreat, and they seemed to come from a wide array of cultures. For all the ways in which we were different, though, we all seemed to be connected by one thing: the need to improve ourselves. Even those who appeared to be healthy on the outside had medical conditions that required attention.
As I checked in with the immersion staff downstairs to get my blood work done, one of the staff members, Tom, approached me and asked if there was a problem with my nametag. At first I wasn’t sure what he was talking about, but I soon remembered and jokingly told him my nametag was incorrect. “It should actually say ’Big Sexy,’” I said. He laughed and told me one of the other staff members had said I needed a new one, so he had made it for me.
Tom handed me my new nametag, which said “Big Sexy,” of course. I asked him if I was actually allowed to wear the joke nametag, and he said yes, so I tucked it into my lanyard to display. One side of my lanyard showed my real name, Milan Ross, while the other side read “Big Sexy.” I didn’t know it at the time, but that nickname would end up sticking. Before the week ended, everyone knew me by that moniker, including hotel staff and program staff.
After being poked and prodded for about an hour, it was time for breakfast. I headed to the hotel banquet hall and made myself a nice big bowl of steel-cut oatmeal with fresh blackberries. I also got some tofu scramble, which kind of looked like scrambled eggs to me. My job at Whole Foods had introduced me to a new world of health foods, but knowing of them and actually eating them were two different things. Since coffee was not an option, I decided to try one of the green smoothies available. After filling my plate to capacity, I again made my way over to my table from the night before. Michael had already saved me a spot.
While sitting down to breakfast, Michael and I began discussing our concerns over what the results of our health tests might say. After a while, our conversation turned to which exercise class we would attend after our morning meal. As part of the immersion process, all participants were required to attend one exercise class each day. We noticed several from which to choose. No matter your fitness level, there was a class available to you.
As we discussed the many choices, a few of our new friends from the night before joined us at the table. We all began talking about our options and finally agreed to take the “Visibly Fit” class run by instructor Wendie Pett at 11 AM. After finishing up our breakfasts and chatting leisurely for a while longer, we all headed outside to the Tower Lawn for the class. The location had gotten its name from a huge plot of well-manicured grass that had been strategically designed between two of the hotel’s beachfront towers. Needless to say, the view was breathtaking. During the exercise session, we even got to see dolphins swim by as we learned all about how our bodies could be our gyms.
Wendie taught us a method of exercise that didn’t require a gym or gym equipment. When the class began, I was a bit skeptical, but she walked us through different movements that required us to create tension in our muscles using only natural muscle contractions. I could feel my body beginning to tire. I had chosen Wendie’s class because I’d thought it would be the easiest, but I quickly realized these low-impact exercises were pretty tough—and very effective. By the time class was over, I was exhausted. I felt as though I had been lifting weights in a gym.
After the morning exercise class, Michael and I headed back to our room to freshen up. We had about an hour and a half to go before the first lecture of the day, which was being held at 1:45 PM. While lectures would begin at an earlier time on the remaining days, today’s lecture had been scheduled to take place after lunch due to all the participants getting blood work done that morning. Michael told me he would be going back to the main floor shortly, but I was beginning to feel the effects of having skipped my morning coffee, so I decided to use this free time to take a quick nap. I was hoping it would help ease the dull headache that was quickly making its presence known.
My nap lasted about forty-five minutes, after which I headed back downstairs to eat lunch. I walked into the banquet hall and was pleasantly surprised by the choices I found. I grabbed a salad plate and made a big salad, topping it with all kinds of yummy items, and then I took another plate and walked quickly over to the veggie wraps. They looked fantastic—overflowing with peppers, onions, squash, and bean sprouts. I took a couple of wraps and continued down the buffet line.
Next I came upon what looked like a big pot of collard greens. I was familiar with this type of greens, so I spooned a big helping onto my plate and doused it with hot sauce. Farther down the buffet line, I began to read the menu cards placed in front of each food item. To my surprise, I saw ratatouille. I had eaten this dish many times before, so I was excited to try this new, healthier version. I rounded out my lunch with a cup of three-bean salad and pumpkin seeds, and then headed to my usual table in front of the wall of windows.
Not long after I had taken my seat, Michael sat down to join me. We weren’t the only two people at the table for long, as pretty soon our other new friends found us. We all discussed how awesome the food was proving to be at the retreat. We also recognized the fact that some of us were starting to feel the effects of not drinking coffee. It wasn’t just me; everyone seemed to be dragging a bit and fighting off a headache. Shortly after 1:30 PM, we left the banquet hall and made our collective way to the ballroom for our first lecture. It was time to learn what Dr. Stoll’s Immersion program was all about from the man himself.
I entered the ballroom, grabbed myself a cup of caffeine-free herbal tea, and took a seat at the rear of the room. Michael chose a seat at the front on the opposite side of the room. Seating had been arranged in a classroom configuration. There were rows of long tables with multiple chairs at each one, all lined up perfectly, and a wide center aisle separating the two sides of the room. A pen and notepad lay waiting at each seat. Hanging at the front of the room was a large “Dr. Stoll’s Immersion” banner, and a projection screen and podium stood onstage. To the rear of the room, where the entrance was located, there were two tables that had been set up on either side of the doors. They had herbal teas and fruit-infused waters for the guests. Grouped in the back corner, I couldn’t help but notice a film crew with lots of camera equipment.
The room filled up rather quickly, and Tom, the staff member who had given me my new nametag, got up to address the crowd. He formally introduced Dr. Stoll, Dr. Stoll’s family, and the rest of the immersion team, which consisted of three physical trainers, three health coaches, a nurse, and a physician. Dr. Stoll then described what attendees should expect from the retreat and outlined the best way to begin our transformations. As Dr. Stoll walked us through the program’s intentions and methods, I began to get excited about the upcoming week. I grabbed the pen and notepad in front of me and began writing down the highlights of the speech. I was particularly taken by a concept Dr. Stoll called the “why,” which he described as the big picture of a person’s life, the vision that reveals the foundations of an individual’s lifestyle and habits. I was fascinated by the idea of seeing my life from a new perspective and understanding my “why.” If I could view the roots of my mindset and behavior more clearly, perhaps I could also untangle myself from them.
After about an hour or so, Tom stepped up to the microphone to announce a ten-minute break before the second lecture, which would feature guest speaker Dr. Sean Stephenson. During the break, many of the attendees gathered on the huge patio out back, which overlooked the hotel’s world-class golf course. We all chatted about how thrilling it was to have the first lecture behind us. Until now, things had been fairly easy. Judging from the large workbook we had received in our swag bags the day before, however, the retreat would be a constant education from here on out. Before we knew it, the break was almost over, so we headed back to the ballroom.
As I returned to my seat, I saw a man of small stature in a wheel-chair onstage. It was Dr. Sean Stephenson. I leafed through my workbook to find his biographical material, the content of which made me very interested to hear him speak. According to the information provided, Dr. Stephenson was not expected to survive long after birth due to a rare bone disorder, osteogenesis imperfecta, which stunts growth and causes bones to become very fragile. In spite of numerous challenges, however, he went on to become a doctor of clinical hypnotherapy, an internationally published author, and one of the leading motivational speakers in the world.
I learned that Dr. Stephenson had spoken in front of virtually everyone, from President Bill Clinton to His Holiness the Dalai Lama. He had appeared on top-rated national television shows such as The Oprah Winfrey Show, and had even had a network special about his life air on the Biography Channel. He would also go on to give a TEDx Talk at Ironwood State Prison in Blythe, California. I felt fortunate to be in the audience for his speech, which was titled “Time to Stand.”
He began his lecture by sharing his personal story, which dealt with the significant physical and mental difficulties he had faced throughout his life. According to Dr. Stephenson, these trials and tribulations formed his “why,” referring to the concept Dr. Stoll had mentioned earlier. Distilling this idea into one simple statement, Dr. Stephenson defined the “why” as the reason a person thought his or her life was the way it was. He then said he would like to ask five people to stand up and individually share his or her “why.” I remember thinking there was no way I was going to get up and share something so personal with a room full of strangers. He began to pick people randomly from the audience. The first four were chosen—and then he pointed to me. I was to be the fifth.
I made my way to the microphone, which had been placed not onstage but in the aisle at the center of the room. I stood last in line behind the four other attendees who had been picked, my heart racing as I waited for my turn to speak. I thought about the question Dr. Stephenson had posed, and listened somewhat distractedly to the others as they shared their answers. I was attempting to figure out what exactly I thought my “why” was.
I had never given this question much thought. Things in my life were the way they were, I thought, because that’s just how life works. I had never considered the fact that maybe there was something bigger lying just beneath the surface. Finally, it was my time to speak.
I approached the microphone and introduced myself. “Hi, my name is Milan,” I said, as I nervously tried to adjust the microphone stand to my six-foot-four height. What I shared next surprised even me. I began to explain to this room full of strangers what my “why” was. Until then, I hadn’t understood what my “why” was at all, actually. The answer came to me only after I had been asked the question directly, which had forced me to stop and think about it. This moment would prove to be a pivotal one in my life.
I explained that I had been very close to my mother. Being the youngest of five children, you might think I didn’t get much attention at home, but I never felt as though my mother wasn’t there for me. During my early childhood, my mother even started a tradition with me for my birthday. Every year, my mother would wake me at the exact time I entered the world on the day of my birth: 3:03 AM. She would make herself a cup of coffee and make me a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows. She would also make us toast with strawberry preserves on it. We would sit at our kitchen table, just the two of us, and talk about whatever I wanted to chat about. It was a magical time.
When I eventually moved out of my childhood home, my mother and I still kept our tradition. Mom would call me on my birthday every year at 3:03 AM. We would sit at our respective kitchen tables, have coffee and toast, and chat about life. This habit might sound strange, but it was something I looked forward to all year long.
As I got older, I began to wonder how my birthday tradition had started, so I asked my mother. She said she remembered lying in her hospital bed with me in her arms on the day I was born. She had spent hours talking to me. She said it felt as though she and I were the only two people awake in the entire world during those hours. She had created my birthday tradition to experience that feeling again—a few hours during which we were the only ones awake in the world. It was wonderful.
In the summer of 2003, however, everything changed. My mother and I ended up having a major disagreement. This argument caused a rift that would change my life. Even though I have kept a journal since childhood, I never wrote down what that fight was actually about. Now I can’t even remember.
Both of us were pretty stubborn. This stubbornness made us go from talking practically every day to not at all. I had truly thought the standoff would end at some point, but before I knew it, weeks of silence had turned into months of silence. I told myself that by December 30, my birthday, this standoff would end. My mother would call, and we would move past the last six months and catch up on everything.
On the day before my birthday, I went to the grocery store to pick up what I would need for my traditional birthday phone call. I couldn’t stop thinking about what it was going to be like when we spoke. By 2:45 AM I began getting everything ready. I put on a pot of water for coffee, and got my toaster out of the cupboard to make toast. By 3 AM I was sitting at my kitchen table with my coffee and toast, telephone in hand. By 3:10 AM I started growing concerned, but I told myself my mother’s clock could be off by a few minutes, so I should just give it more time.
At some point around 3:45 AM, I realized my mother was not going to call. I remember sitting at my table in tears. I was hurt. I couldn’t believe she would end our tradition. I never considered my role in what was happening. I was now angry, and at that moment vowed never to contact her again. Besides a brief encounter five days before my son was born, my mother and I never spoke to or saw each other again.
On September 3, 2008, my mother, Joanette Ross, died of cancer. All at once, my tomorrows and second chances were gone. I never got the chance to make things right with her.
As I spoke of my relationship with my mother I could feel my throat tighten and my voice begin to tremble, but I needed to continue. I admitted to the group that I couldn’t even remember the reason for the original fight. I felt a tremendous amount of guilt. I realized I had wasted years being mad over something that clearly wasn’t important enough to recall. I couldn’t stop thinking of the fact that my mother had never met my son.
I finished sharing my story with everyone in the ballroom and tears began to flow freely down my face. I looked out at the crowd and it seemed as though the entire audience was crying with me. People began hugging me on the spot. Dr. Stephenson told me that he was sure my mother had forgiven me for my part in what had happened between us. He told me he could see how much I loved her, and he was certain she wanted me to go and live my life fully. It was okay to let go of the guilt.
To my surprise, the “why” Dr. Stephenson had asked us to speak about had been buried in my soul for years. Given that moment, it simply poured out of me. I had been unexpectedly relieved of the heaviest weight of all that day. In opening up to this group of near strangers, I was able to release all the shame and guilt of losing my mother long before cancer took her from this world.
We had an hour of free time before dinner at 6:15 PM. I decided to use it to take a long walk on the beach. I wanted to take some time to process what had just occurred. I had never spoken of my mother to anyone besides my wife. I realized I had just stood in front of a room full of people I had just met and completely bared my soul. I was a little embarrassed but also comforted.
After my walk, I went to my room and called Iris to tell her what had happened. My eyes welled up with tears again as I spoke to her. When our phone call ended I remember sitting alone silently, feeling that something was now different, although I could not say exactly what.
I went down to dinner and quickly found lots of people coming up to me to let me know how much my story had touched them. I met Michael and the others from our unofficial group at our favorite dining table and we chatted about how immersion was proving to be unlike anything we had imagined. We were being challenged in ways none of us had expected.
Michael and I walked over to the ballroom shortly before 8 PM to see the final lecture of the day. Presented by Dr. Stoll, it was called “Wellness Navigation: Why You Need a GPS.” In his speech, Dr. Stoll explained why fad diets never result in long-term success. I sat there thinking how it all made sense. If you change something simply to achieve a particular result and then return to your normal routine after that result has been achieved, you will inevitably undo your accomplishment. Basically, without making a lifestyle change, you shouldn’t expect any transformation to last.
Dr. Stoll’s lecture wrapped up around 9 PM, at which point Michael and I went out to the patio again, where we found our new friends José, Madeline, Angela, Connie, Alex, Gail, Monica, and Rachel had all had the same idea. We talked in a group about how impactful the day’s sessions were. I admitted I was a bit embarrassed by the emotional moment I had experienced during Dr. Stephenson’s lecture. The group quickly let me know I had nothing to be ashamed of. Then, one by one, everyone took turns sharing their own “whys.”
Michael spoke about how he had always felt as though his mother loved his older brother more than she loved him. José shared the fact that he, too, had lost a parent to cancer. His father, who had been his role model, had actually died in his arms. Madeline, Angela, and Connie all talked about their lifelong struggles with weight and health issues. They had all dealt with self-esteem issues, which had lead to numerous problems in their relationships with the opposite sex. Alex had recently gotten divorced from an emotionally abusive spouse and was now a single mother of two young children. Gail had not allowed anyone to get close to her in quite some time, having given up searching for someone to love after years of disappointment. Monica had convinced herself that she didn’t deserve love after her dad had walked out on the family. Finally, Rachel said her “why” was simply rooted in the fact that she was too lazy to get up off the couch and exercise.
By 11 PM, everyone was ready to call it a night. Michael and I returned to our room to get ready for bed. We chatted as each of us went through our nightly rituals. By 11:30 PM, it was lights out. I lay in bed thinking about all the individual “whys” of our little group. We had each experienced something that had put our lives on a common trajectory, one that we needed to change.
In all my years of dieting, I had never considered dealing with the emotional aspects of my condition. Getting healthy had always been about my appearance. I was starting to understand that the path to optimal health starts with the mind, not with the body, and it was this idea that occupied my thoughts as I began to drift off to sleep.
The melodic chirping of birds in the palm tree outside my window gently woke me to a new day in Naples. It had been a long night of tossing and turning, unfortunately, as I had injured my elbow playing football on the beach with my kids the day before. It had begun to swell overnight and was now looking a little puffed, besides being sore.
I knew my morning was going to be spent taking the immersion participants’ blood samples, height and weight measurements, waist-to-hip ratios, and blood pressures. Recording this information now would give my team baselines to compare with the results of testing at the end of the week. I simply had to figure out a way to take a person’s blood pressure without triggering the pain in my elbow. I modified my technique enough that it elicited minimal agony each time I reached out to pump the blood pressure cuff. By the end of the morning, though, I was relieved to be finished with the tests.
After a short rest, my family and I went downstairs to lunch, after which we headed to the hotel ballroom, where lectures would be held throughout the week. Once the immersion team had assembled onstage, my partner and head of operations, Tom, introduced me and my family to the audience. He then introduced our trainers, Wendie, B.J., and Allison; our health coaches, Malissa, Nicole, and Kim; our nurse, Lana; and our physician, Dr. McGee.
I stepped forward to give my first lecture of the retreat, opening my arms as wide as I could to welcome everyone and quickly reminding myself of my elbow injury. (I wouldn’t do that again for a while.) I composed myself and began.
Dr. Stoll giving one of his scheduled lectures during immersion.
Good afternoon, and welcome to the first lecture of immersion. This week you will experience how quickly your body can begin to feel better, how fast inflammation can subside, how rapidly blood pressure and blood sugars can improve when you feed your body the right food, resolve sources of stress, and move more. You will also learn how food has the power to prevent, reverse, or suspend most common diseases, as well as influence your relationships, career, charity work, family life, and spirituality. Food is one of the most important foundations of your existence, and this week you will learn how to enjoy foods that enhance and expand every area of your being. You are in for an exciting adventure that can radically alter the trajectory and direction of your life. I will also introduce you to a few past immersionists who will share their amazing stories about their journeys to true health. These testimonials—which we call “reveals”—will inspire you and help you see what is possible when you make the change.
Now I want you to close your eyes. Take a big breath in through your nose, hold it a few seconds, and then slowly release it through your mouth. Repeat this routine one more time. Open your eyes and smile. Today is the first day of our lecture series, which has been designed to help you deconstruct some of your old mindsets, dated dietary and nutritional information, ineffective lifestyles, and emotional issues that may be keeping you unable to move forward, stuck with diseases that are reversible, medications that you shouldn’t need, and beliefs that tell you change is not possible.
This week you will begin to create new ideas and mindsets, gain a fresh understanding of nutrition and food, and learn how to build a sustainably healthy life full of joy.
Imagine a large building with cream-colored marble floors, a polished stainless steel reception desk in the lobby, and two long upward escalators. It is early in the morning and the sun’s rays are peeking through the building’s three-story glass walls. The escalator is empty except for two sharply dressed business people, a man and woman, who are nearing the top, each with a coffee in one hand and a computer bag in the other. Suddenly and unexpectedly, the escalator comes to a jolting halt. Initially frustrated, they rummage through their bags for their phones and the woman exclaims, “I can’t believe this. I am already late!” The man replies, “Don’t worry, someone will come.” Then he yells out, “Somebody, hello! There are two people stuck on an escalator. We need help. Would someone please do something?” He receives no response, hearing only his echo.
The two people begin to laugh at their unfortunate circumstance, resigned that they are stuck. They decide the only thing they can do is wait for help. After a long period of time, a voice calls out from ground level, “Hey! Don’t worry! I will have you off that escalator in a second.” They peer over the handrail and see a repairman on the other escalator riding up to the next level. “I’ll get to the top of your escalator and fix it for you,” he says.
Joyfully they watch the man and say to each other, “He said he can fix it. Now that’s more like it.” Suddenly, the escalator the repairman is riding grinds to a halt as well. The three people look at each other in disbelief. The man and woman give up hope, sit down on the escalator stairs just a few feet from the top, and wait for more help to arrive.
The question I would ask is: Are they really stuck?
I believe they are, actually. Even though they could simply walk up the remaining steps and reach their destination, they have a mindset that prevents them from seeing this solution. They have become dependent on outside forces to solve their problem. Sound familiar?
Of course, it is absurd to believe you might get stuck on an escalator. But if you are honest with yourself, and begin to look around, you will see many people who feel stuck in circumstances not unlike a broken-down escalator—people who have given up. These people share a certain attitude that blinds them to the very clear solution to any type of out-of-order escalator, which is to walk to the top!
Through many years of working with people at these immersions and in my own medical practice, I have found that when someone is “stuck” in regard to a health challenge, many times it is a problematic mindset that prevents recognition of what is actually a very clear solution. Before anyone can move forward positively, his or her mindset must change.
Here is the key principle to remember from today’s lecture: Sustainable health begins and ends in your thoughts, beliefs, and emotions. The first and most important step in your health transformation is often the one that is overlooked because you want to skip ahead to tangible actions. “Just tell me what to do,” you ask. Rarely does anyone say, “Help me know what to think, believe, and feel, so I can make a lasting change.”
Thoughts, beliefs, and emotions before actions. “Be” before “do.” Remember that you are a human being, not a human doing. Our culture has pressed all of us into a mode of doing—doing more with less is celebrated as success. The doing is important, of course, but it must follow a change in thoughts, beliefs, and emotions. This is the reason so many diets fail. They are built primarily on doing instead of being. The fact is that what you do occurs as a result of your thoughts, beliefs, and emotions, so it is only logical to start by addressing your state of being first when making a change in lifestyle. The doing part will follow.
Your actions and habits are the visible effects of your mindset. When these are in alignment, change is inevitable, effortless, and joyful. There are people whose stories inspire us to change ourselves, give us hope, and allow us to see the possibilities. Their outward changes are evidence of equally powerful inward changes. You will meet two such people later this week.
Unfortunately, some people, when inspired by a person who has made a positive transformation, may rush to action too soon, wanting to do whatever that person did to achieve success. In doing so, they frequently miss the change in mindset that brought about and sustained success. Often, these less tangible aspects of an individual’s change are not mentioned or highlighted in any health books, videos, or speeches, which tend to focus on the observable steps of health programs.
Think of the connection between your mindset and your health like this: The routines adopted in a healthy lifestyle, such as exercising regularly and eating the right foods every day, are like a car and your mindset is like the fuel for that car. Sure, even if the car doesn’t have any gas in it, you could push it down the road through pure determination—but only a short distance. Before long, your legs and lungs would be burning and you would begin to slump down on the bumper, frustrated and tired. But fill up the tank with high-octane fuel—the right thoughts, beliefs, and emotions—and the vehicle will leap to life and carry you wherever you want to go effortlessly. In other words, you can work out and eat healthfully all you want, but without the right mindset fueling these changes, you may always feel as though you are struggling.
This week I am going to help you fill up your tank with the right mindset, one that will help bring energy, health, and joy to your life.
The best way to start your transformation is to take stock of some of the gifts life has given to you. When you take advantage of these gifts each day, your thoughts, beliefs, and emotions will change.
The most important gift in life holds more power than you might think, and is often overlooked and squandered, but is actually the key to your future and well-being. The way you use it can dramatically affect your life and the lives of people around you and echo through generations.
So, what is this amazing gift that is so valuable and important to your present life and future? It is the gift of choice. Right now you have the power to choose what to think, believe, and feel. You can decide what to eat, what not to eat, to hate or to love, to embrace stress or to let it go, to hold on to anger and bitterness or to forgive, to be dissatisfied or to be grateful, to frown or to smile. And these are just a few of the choices within your ability.
From the moment you open your eyes in the morning, you make choices. I don’t want you ever to forget that you have been blessed with this power. The combination of choices made today results in the reality of your tomorrow. You can redirect your life no matter where you are, right now, simply by making a different choice to point yourself in the right direction.
One choice added upon another creates your future. A good choice today added to a better choice tomorrow and so forth is a recipe for permanent change. The more positive choices you make, the more you accelerate change, so that before you know it the accumulation of good choices becomes a new lifestyle, leaving you wondering exactly when you became this new person.
Numerous factors may try to influence your power to choose and stop your change. Your emotions, beliefs, personal history, and perceived identity can manipulate your choices positively or negatively. You may not even realize that your decisions are being swayed by your overall mindset until some-one brings this fact to your attention.
Beyond your mindset, external forces such as finances, work and living environments, people, cultural beliefs, marketing, and societal values may attempt to direct your choices, sometimes at your expense. For example, advertisements can influence you with appeals that touch upon perceived needs, desires, or deficits, providing rationales for decisions they would like you to make. One particular tobacco ad once boldly stated, “Give your throat a vacation; smoke a fresh cigarette.” A certain soda ad has claimed the drink to be “happiness in a bottle.” Can you see how these ads are merely trying to manipulate your choices in order to separate you from your money regardless of the negative health effects these products can have?
Before you buy that next sweet treat or salty snack, stop and ask yourself, “Why would I make this choice right now, what is my motivation, and how is the marketing of this product attempting to influence my decision?” Asking these questions is a great way to hit the pause button and gain some perspective and control. During this pause, remind yourself that you are, in fact, in control. You have the power to decide, and you are going to make the best possible choice.
Over the next week, I will explain in detail how your emotions and even food can strongly influence the choices you make, but right now I simply want you to understand that, no matter how powerful the stimulus may be, you still have the final word in your life. You can choose to say ”Yes” to healthy food and ”No” to unhealthy food.
Take a big breath and believe you are powerful, not powerless, that you are ultimately in control of your destiny, and that with every “Yes” and “No,” you write your future.
Can you recall a time in your life when you were blessed by a brilliant sunrise and it filled you with hope? Can you see that day in your mind’s eye—the brilliant golden sun as it slowly rises in the sky? Can you feel the warm rays of the sun as they gently touch your skin? How did that sunrise make you feel? Hopeful, joyful, energized, enthusiastic, strong, and alive. Why did you feel that way? You were experiencing the gift of a new day.
The second great gift given to you every twenty-four hours is the promise of a new day. When paired with the power of choice, a new day is a great opportunity to shape your future.
How frequently do you awaken with a joyful, grateful attitude? Now, we all face those mornings when the alarm is rudely signaling the start of a new day, even though it seems as if we’ve just closed our eyes. Our first thoughts might drift to how tired we are; how worn down, stressed out, and burned out we are; how we are not sure how we are going to make it; how we feel out of control, fearful, uncertain, and hopeless. Consider for a moment how these first thoughts spill over and affect the day.
They set you up for a day of more problems, more frustration, more challenges—a real Charlie Brown day—as your thoughts determine your attitude, your attitude determines your actions, and your actions influence your relationships and opportunities. You will end up getting exactly what you unconsciously chose thanks to those early morning thoughts. You will create the difficult day you envisioned.
But let’s imagine a different scenario, one that you choose. Tomorrow morning, when you wake up, recognize the amazing gift of a new day. Take a breath and feel the air fill your lungs. You have choices at your disposal, and you have the opportunity of a day ahead, even if it is full of challenges. The day is full of possibilities, and you have the power to shape your future throughout your waking life. Your future does not have to look like your yesterday because you can begin to make different choices, which will lead you to different outcomes.
Wake up and let go of your old mindset, which has you stuck. Let go of the belief that you cannot make lasting changes because you don’t have the willpower to do so. Let go of the idea that you can’t change because you are different and face more challenging circumstances than everyone else. Let go of the notion that life is just too difficult and you don’t have enough inside you to deal with it. Let those old mindsets go. They are not helping you, and they will only give you more of the same. I know that is not what you want.
You can change your mindset right now to include gratitude, hope, forgiveness, and empowerment by realizing that you have the power to choose, and so have the ability to change.
Philosophers, theologians, and researchers have all pointed to gratitude as one of the most important human emotions that impacts well-being.1,2 In a study of 186 heart failure patients, gratitude was associated with improved mood, fewer feelings of depression, less fatigue, better sleep, better management of cardiac function, and lower inflammatory markers.3 Interestingly, a large trial that used antidepressant medication failed to impact many of these same measures in heart failure patients.4 It is the conscious choice to be grateful that produces positive effects. The answer lies in the will, not in a pill.
But how do you begin to change your mindset? You develop a habit of waking up in the morning and listing things you are grateful for that day. Write them all down and keep them on your nightstand as a daily reminder. Even if you can only think of one thing to be grateful for, concentrate on your one blessing throughout the day. There is always something to be thankful for, and that is the fact that you have the opportunity to make choices every day.
Make a list of all your blessings, practice acts of kindness and prayers of gratitude, think of people you appreciate and tell them of your appreciation, or start a journal and write about gratitude every day. Always remember that you have the gift of a brand new day.
The third gift you’ve been given is your words. Words have the power to create or to tear down, to heal or to harm. Words written thousands of years ago still have the ability to influence people today, and words spoken to you or about you decades ago may still have a positive or negative effect on your life presently. We have all experienced conversations in our minds that are just as alive today as they were when they occurred so many years ago. Did you know that your words create ripples of influence when you speak? The words you speak to others, the words they speak to you, and the words you speak to yourself have enormous potential.
Every day, we use our words to converse with others and even with ourselves. Research estimates that humans talk to themselves thousands of times a day. What are you saying to yourself? Sadly, it has been estimated that 77 percent of daily self-talk is negative. We may talk negatively to ourselves as we recall arguments, think through challenges, regret the past, fear possible futures, or quietly judge ourselves.
The self-talk most common to this immersion retreat includes phrases such as “I can’t,” “I always fail,” “It’s too difficult,” “I am different and it’s harder for me,” and “It will never happen.” Be aware of these toxic ideas sneaking into your internal monologue and sabotaging your opportunity for success. They are lies, and as soon as you think them, you can say to yourself, “Why can’t I?” You can say, “I cancel that last comment because I believe I can.”
Cancel lies and replace them with empowering, hope-filled words: I can change, I will change, I enjoy change, I will succeed, I believe I have the ability to change, I am creative, I am capable, and I can overcome any challenge.
Research has shown that a healthy relationship has a positive-to-negative comment ratio of five to one. In other words, people in a healthy relationship utter five positive comments for every one negative comment. The first step in developing positive relationships, including your relationship with yourself, is to be aware of the words you are speaking. Listen to yourself and take inventory of your statements. Consider how you may inject positive sentiments into a situation using words of hope, truth, encouragement, strength, courage, love, peace, compliment, or kindness. Utter life-enhancing words as much as possible and soon they will become a regular part of your daily conversations.
If you become anxious or stuck, rather than slip into despair or condemnation, stop and ask yourself, “What can I do right now?” Use your power of choice to take a positive step instead of a negative one. If you are fearful, ask, “What am I afraid of right now?” You will usually find it is not a life-threatening fear, and then you can release it. Anxious and fearful thoughts and words are sure to come up this week as you encounter new foods, new ideas, and new situations, so replace problematic self-talk with fruitful words as soon as it arises.
Your goal this week and beyond is to think and speak words of life. Speak life-enhancing words to each other and to any other people you meet during the day. Look for opportunities to encourage, inspire, and offer hope, joy, peace, and kindness to others. And don’t forget to speak kindly to yourself. Intentionally practice this new skill every morning and evening by consciously talking positively to yourself for a few minutes.
Speak words of life and put a positive spin on an old script you’ve been reading for years. Perhaps part of that old script is a bitter conversation you recall repeatedly, which stirs up anger. Approach that part of your script by stopping the story and offering that person forgiveness. You will experience an amazing sense of relief. You will have released tension and allowed healing of that wound, which had harmed you over and over throughout the years. Set yourself free by choosing to forgive.
The idea that forgiveness somehow lets the person being forgiven off the hook, that forgiving means justice will never be served, is the main driving force of a mindset that is stuck. By holding on to the anger, bitterness, and resentment associated with a prior situation, it is you who are paying the price right now. Choose to forgive. I know it is not easy, but when you forgive you will feel light and joyful. Peace will fill the space in which toxic emotions once resided.
Have you ever tried to build a puzzle without the picture on the box top? One thousand pieces on the table and no photo to give context or perspective would lead most of us to get up and walk away, no matter how optimistic the mindset. Failure would seem almost certain due to the lack of connection between the pieces and the whole.
Sustainable change similarly requires a look at the bigger picture of your life. It is a vision of your life that reveals the need for a health-promoting diet and overall lifestyle. The food you eat, the emotions you embrace, and your activities each day are the individual puzzle pieces that build your future. A clear vision of your life is the box top that gives each piece meaning, value, and importance.
I like to call this vision your “why.” A powerful and motivating “why” in life will clarify the critical importance of your diet and catalyze the process of change. It can mean the difference between working hard to make a lifestyle change and hardly working at all. Once you clearly establish your “why,” you will understand the purpose behind the food you eat every day, and you will be pulled forward into making healthy decisions by a strong current of purpose. Knowing your “why” causes a passionate pursuit of your vision, infused with commitment, dedication, persistence, perseverance, enthusiasm, joy, creativity, and determination.
So, do you have a powerful, motivating “why” in your life that will lead to a permanent change? During each immersion, we ask people to write down their “whys” on pieces of paper and tape them up on a designated wall of the lecture hall for others to read. We call this wall the “why wall,” and it is meant to serve as a source of inspiration. Some “whys” I have seen include “to live a long healthy life for my children and grandchildren,” “to be well enough to travel to a third-world country and help others in great need,” “to start teaching others in my community how to be healthy,” “to overcome my diseases and be free to pursue my travel dreams,” and “to be the best I can be so that I may bless those I love every day.”
In contrast, the diet industry focuses on the short-term. If you have ever dieted, you know that you may work very hard, sweating and enduring discomfort to lose weight, only to find the change is temporary. After months of painful dieting, sacrifice, and exercise to reach your goal weight, you celebrate and reward yourself by reaching for the sweets and treats that were forbidden during your diet.
Deprivation, starvation, and sacrifice used only to reach a short-term goal are not methods that result in long-term sustainable change. As time passes, they lead back to old patterns, led by food addictions and emotional eating habits. Without a greater vision, a bigger picture, the number on your scale will soon increase again.
Sustainable change is empowered by your “why,” so part of your homework this week is to find the “why” in your life, if you don’t know it yet. Spend some time contemplating this idea and talking about it with a trusted friend or mentor. Determining your “why” is a process that takes time, so hang in there and continue to search. You will be rewarded with an amazing vision of your life. Don’t give up.
You may find you have several “whys” in life, and that is fine. They are simply additional reasons to make the best choices every day. Once you have your “why,” write it down, find pictures to inspire you to reach your vision, and ask a friend to remind you of your purpose. Recalling your “why” is like refueling your gas tank on a long journey. It is absolutely necessary.
I leave you all today with an affirmation that encapsulates the ideas put forth in this lecture, which will form the bedrock of your change.
I declare that I will reclaim my power of choice.
I have been given the gift of choice and authority, and I will honor that gift and myself by making better choices today.
I will make healthy choices today and choose a brighter future.
I believe I can change and know that I will change.
Today I choose to live in gratitude and see the many blessings of this day.
Tomorrow I will awaken and be grateful from the moment I open my eyes to the moment I lay my head down to rest.
I choose to be grateful for my life and the lives of those who love me.
Today I will choose gratitude over discontentment, disappointment, and dissatisfaction, and set my mind on the aspects of my life that are a blessing and abundant.
I believe I am grateful. I feel grateful.
I choose to plant the seeds of well-spoken words so that others and I may enjoy the fruits of life.
I will avoid conversations that are judgmental and critical, and instead speak words that bless, encourage, and support others and myself.
In every conversation I will look for opportunities to bring life, healing, encouragement, and joy.
Today is a new day and my future is in my hands. Today I choose life.
Please enjoy the second lecture of the morning, which will be given by the amazing Sean Stephenson, and the rest of this beautiful day.
After the lecture, I was met by a number of people who had approached the stage with questions. A woman was holding a paper with some large letters written on it. I quickly recognized the penmanship of one of my younger children. I remembered I had noticed my two youngest walking from seat to seat in the ballroom just before the lecture, writing encouraging messages on the notepads of the immersionists. This participant was so grateful for the heartfelt encouragement. She said it had helped her so much that day that she was going to keep it, even though it had been a little misspelled. She turned the pad toward me and I read, “Your awsome, your an overcomer.” The message had been misspelled, yes, but it was right on the mark when it came to heart and effort. Seeing it made for the perfect end to my lecture session that day.
