Have a seat at your kitchen table, pour yourself a cup of coffee, tea, or vodka—whatever soothes you—and get ready to get cooking. Look around. Welcome to your kitchen! In case you two are still in the initial phases of getting to know each other, allow me to show you around.
This big boxy thing is your stove. You’ll boil, sauté, and fry up top, and down below you’ll find your oven. This is where your cookies will crisp up, your chickens will roast, and your mac and cheese will bubble and brown. Show it love by keeping it clean. It will love you back.
Real quick: Go find your broiler. Is it above the top rack of your oven? Or is it the old-fashioned kind, a pullout beneath the oven door? If it’s the latter, do not attempt to store baking sheets there—they will warp and then your cookies will slide right off them. Or plastic containers: If you’re like Miranda, who foolishly stored Tupperware down there, forgot about it, tried to make lasagna, and then was treated to the stench of burning plastic, you will completely fuck up your cookware, break your oven, and have to make an awkward call to your landlord. Learn from Miranda’s mistakes.
Found it? Good. The broiler is the G-spot of the kitchen: hard to find, but once you do, things get a whole lot more fun!
Okay, moving on. Let’s check out your fridge. This frosty rectangle should be where your fresh foods are kept fresh longer. Is it crusted with leftover lo mein and aging yogurt? Is there an indecipherable smell coming from your veggie bin? Better give it some loving.
Take everything out. Toss anything you’re unsure about or that is clearly not good anymore. (Do not feel guilty about throwing away your roommate’s moldy cottage cheese—if she cared so much about it she would have eaten before 11/3/13, when it expired.) Once everything that needs to go has gone, give it a thorough scrub-down.
Now give the same treatment to your pantry and any other cupboards you use to store food. Clear out the old stuff, wipe down the shelves, and make sure the only food left in there is usable. (We know you think you’ll eventually finish all four of those half-eaten bags of stale tortilla chips—you won’t.)
All good? Good. Now let’s fill it with all the good stuff. First, the basics.