I WANT TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE PASTA

GLM

You know how sometimes in movies a man will say to a woman, “You’re so beautiful/hot/sexy when you’re angry”? Well, I can say with great certainty that I was not the inspiration for that line.

First of all, I rarely exhibit outward signs of anger. (Now, inward…) Second, on the rare occasion that I do, I’m pretty sure it’s not hot, as anger usually makes me nervous, inarticulate, and even a bit teary… leading me to my third point, which is that I generally avoid confrontation like the plague, and nobody ever looked sexy while desperately trying to change the subject.

When I discovered that a dude I thought was dating only me was, in fact, not, it felt like I’d been sucker-punched. I was hurt and sad, but mostly I was furious. As the weeks passed, my anger only got worse. How could he have done that to me? How could I have been so stupid? Would this feeling ever go away? He had little to say for himself when I confronted him. “Look, these things happen,” he mumbled from his work line, which I called after he ignored my texts and calls to his cell for an entire week. “It’s not like we were married or anything.” I felt discarded, like a forgotten-about tampon you suddenly realize you should have removed hours ago. He was toxic and I was shocked.

My anger was very much alive… and I had no idea what to do with it. My cheeks felt hot and my heart pounded at first. I found myself spitting out complete sentences—great sentences—and cracking truly funny, if bitter, jokes. I was angry and vengeful, but also felt kind of sexy, like Detective Olivia Benson on the trail of a serial killer. I didn’t recognize this cutting, sharpened version of myself, but I didn’t dislike her.

This went on for weeks. I fell asleep mad; I woke up mad. My appetite was diminished, but it didn’t bother me—I secretly relished exploring this new emotion. I felt powerful and in control for once. Every moment I spent hate-stalking his Facebook page made my fury increase, but I was addicted. I was a rage goddess and I wasn’t sorry about it.

In the midst of my rage-goddess fury, I went out for Italian food with my friend Nada. I scanned the menu, unable to imagine eating, practically hissing at the busboys. But eventually my eyes landed on Spaghetti all’Arrabbiata. According to the menu, “Arrabbiata” comes from the Italian word “arrabbiato,” which means “angry,” a nod to this sauce’s fiery heat. Perfect.

The tomato-based pasta was peppery and hot, thanks to the large amount of red chili flakes added to it. For the first time in recent memory, my appetite returned. The spicy sauce made my eyes water, but it wasn’t because I was upset. I left dinner that night feeling better for the first time in a long time—and also eager to perfect arrabbiata sauce at home.

The secret to the sauce is simple: crushed chilies. They get toasted in extra-virgin olive oil, which releases their own oils, creating a hot and deeply flavorful sauce that also features garlic, onions, and tomatoes. I add cool, creamy goat cheese to the top, which works like yogurt sauce (raita) alongside a hot Indian curry, cooling the palate with each spicy bite.

Rage spirals are a part of life, especially when idiot man-children don’t take responsibility for their terrible actions. But spicy pasta with creamy goat cheese really can help.

SERVES 2

INGREDIENTS

6 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

1 tablespoon red chili flakes (more or less to taste)

3 cloves garlic, finely chopped

½ medium yellow onion, finely chopped

1 (15-ounce) can diced tomatoes, with their juice

8 ounces long-strand pasta, like spaghetti or fettuccine

Salt and pepper

4 ounces crumbled goat cheese

DIRECTIONS

• Heat the oil in a large, heavy-bottomed frying pan or pot over medium heat.

• Add the chili flakes and cook for 2 to 3 minutes, stirring occasionally.

• Add the garlic and onion and cook for another 4 to 5 minutes, until soft.

• Add the tomatoes, stir well, and cover.

• Reduce heat to medium-low and cook, covered, for 18 to 22 minutes, stirring once or twice.

• Meanwhile, cook the pasta in salted boiling water according to package directions and drain.

• Taste the sauce and season with salt and pepper to taste.

• Toss the pasta with the sauce until each strand is well coated. Season with more salt and pepper if needed.

• Serve the pasta hot, on plates or in bowls, topped with a scattering of the goat cheese.