SUSHI YOU CAN ACTUALLY MAKE, WE SWEAR

MPB

So, when Gabi suggested a maki roll recipe for this chapter, I shot her down. “Sushi?” I said. “Come on, you’re being insane. We can teach them to fry rice. We can tell them to make pies when they’re feeling down. We can even implore them to spend their hard-earned cash on a food processor. But no one’s making sushi.”

“It’s expensive to order out for it all the time,” Gabi argued.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” I said, “tell it to Judge Judy; you can always find a cheap enough place to get your sodium fix.”

So Gabi challenged me to make sushi on my own, and this is what I have to say: We were all told we could do whatever we wanted to in this world. That’s not true, but you can do some pretty hard things, and making sushi isn’t even one of them. It’s, like, super easy.

Of course, at first, as is the case with any large endeavor, you are scared. You look in the mirror and think: How did I get myself into this? I just want to lie in bed and order out, or maybe go to rehab. Then you Gchat with a friend for five hours, you get yourself out of bed, and slowly you begin.

You go to the grocery store. You look at the email you sent to yourself with all the ingredients. You realize it was lost in the cloud and you only have 17 percent battery left. You call your friend and ask her to take a picture of the recipe for you (because obviously she has this book too. You all do. It’s your bible). She’s not home, but her ex-boyfriend is at her apartment picking up his stuff: “You can call him and ask if you want to.” You do this because you left the house and it’s really only a minor obstacle and secretly you think the breakup is totally her fault.

After you get the recipe from him, you move on. You only have 14 percent battery at this point, so you must be efficient and quick. Your adrenaline kicks in. You get the easy stuff first: carrots, cucumber, and avocado. Then you rush to get the rice. You feel like a badass when you ask the salesperson where the nori seaweed is. They think: Who is this person buying seaweed? She must be so legit. You feel legit. Your overall confidence is rising. You even made a lifelong friend with the fishmonger when you asked him for sashimi-grade yellowfin tuna. Shared experience creates lasting bonds, remember, but don’t get too cocky. You only have 4 percent battery and you’ve got to use Apple Pay to check out because you forgot your wallet at home. (Another lesson here: Writing ingredients down is not that bad of an idea. You never know when your phone might die. Grocery lists are very vintage.)

You get home. You make the rice. You cool it and spread it out onto the seaweed, then you add the fish and other fixings. I suggest grabbing some edamame and Sapporo to snack on while doing this. Soon you’re ready to roll it all up. And, wait, then you’re done. It’s so easy! It’s like probably one of the easiest recipes in the book. So Gabi was right: any hot mess can make sushi.

MAKES ABOUT 30 PIECES OF SUSHI

INGREDIENTS

1 cup sushi rice, cooked according to package directions and cooled to room temperature

1 tablespoon rice vinegar

8 ounces sashimi-grade yellowfin tuna (or other sashimi-grade fish—look for sales at your local fishmonger)

6 sheets toasted nori seaweed (usually located near the soy sauce in well-stocked supermarkets)

1 ripe avocado, sliced

1 carrot, peeled and thinly sliced lengthwise

½ cucumber, peeled and thinly sliced lengthwise

Sesame seeds, for garnish

Soy sauce, wasabi, lemon, and pickled ginger, for serving

DIRECTIONS

• Drizzle the rice vinegar over the rice. Set aside.

• Slice the tuna into strips about the length and width of your finger (gross, we know). Set aside.

• Place a sheet of nori shiny-side down on a clean cutting board or sushi mat. Wet your hands completely and scoop up a handful of rice. Starting at the bottom of the nori, press an even layer of rice three-quarters of the way up. (Leave the top quarter of the nori bare. This will make for easier rolling.)

• Arrange 1 or 2 pieces of tuna and slices of the avocado, carrot, and cucumber in an even line at the bottom of the nori sheet, on top of the rice layer.

• Roll the nori tightly, encasing the tuna and vegetables. Use a little water to seal the end, if necessary. If you have a sushi mat, you can use it to roll the sushi at this point.

• Repeat with remaining nori, rice, tuna, and vegetables.

• Slice each long roll into 1-inch or 1½-inch pieces. Sprinkle lightly with sesame seeds.

• Serve with soy sauce, wasabi, lemon, and pickled ginger.