HOW TO COOK A CHICKEN BREAST THAT DOESN’T SUCK

MPB

I think chicken means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. To an average, functional eater, a chicken is a hearty piece of protein with which you can satiate your hunger. To a smokin’ hot hunky rooster, a chicken is a lover and/or best friend with whom he has only a short amount of time to mate. But to me, a chicken is an existential matter. I was not raised in a home where pizza or burgers or fries were allowed. In fact, they were taboo, and if I asked for them at the dinner table, I would be stared at as though I’d committed some sort of serious war crime and death were imminent. “Grilled chicken salad, please,” I’d say instead, and groan. This aversion has become ingrained in me and has continued into my adult life. I often want to be healthy, and chicken is a much more readily available item of healthy food than, say, fish, so I’m left ordering it basically every day for lunch. I think many women, and girls, and boys, and men, and most humans share this problem with me. We all order chicken salads all fucking day long. My life is just a series of grilled chicken salads, only some days the dressing is better than others. I just have to pray it’s, like, a blue cheese dressing day. So how do we make every day a blue cheese dressing kind of day? We make chicken breasts that don’t suck.

SERVES 1

INGREDIENTS

1 (3–4-ounce) boneless, skinless chicken breast

Salt and pepper

1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil, if cooking in a pan

Lemon (optional)

Fresh herbs (optional)

DIRECTIONS

• A boneless, skinless chicken breast is inconveniently shaped in that it is very thick at the top and tapers to a thin point. This makes it challenging to cook the thick part all the way through without completely drying out the thin part. To handle this, use a meat pounder (or a rolling pin, or even the bottom of a heavy jar or bottle) to pound the breast out so it’s all about the same thickness. We like to cover the breast with waxed paper or plastic wrap before doing this to keep mess to a minimum.

• Season the breast on both sides with salt and pepper.

To cook the chicken on the stovetop

• Heat the oil over medium-high heat.

• Cook the chicken breast for 2 minutes without disturbing it (this will help the meat form a crust, which will both taste good and keep the inside juicy).

• Lower the heat and cover the pan or move the (ovenproof) pan into the oven (at 375°F). Cook for 3 to 4 minutes on each side.

To cook the chicken on a grill

• Heat the grill to medium-high.

• Place the chicken on the outer (less hot) part of the grill. Let cook for 7 to 8 minutes, flipping halfway through.

To finish and serve

• After grilling or pan-cooking, let the chicken rest for 2 to 3 minutes on a cutting board or plate before cutting into it. You want to retain all the meat’s juices, and resting is a critical part of this.

• Top with a squeeze of fresh lemon juice and a sprinkle of herbs, if desired.