Navigating the world of modern romance can be fucking impossible. Social media, the rise of the throuple, and, frankly, porn make it very difficult for us to know what the fuck is going on. We want a foolproof GPS to guide us and tell us to swerve left when there’s a commitmentphobe in our path. The technology just isn’t there yet. Until it is, we want to help you. We can’t give you a set of rules, because we don’t think they exist, but we can give you some tools to make dating a little bit easier. And these are delicious tools!
At the time of publication, Gabi was recently married, and Miranda was still a hot fucking mess weeping audibly over a man-child during spin class. (Spin class is a great place to weep. People think you’re just working very hard.) We tell you this to let you know that we’re two women at different stages of our romantic lives, who can probably sympathize with some of what you’re going through. You can read every book and take every piece of your friends’ advice, but at the end of the day you just have to put yourself out there, feel a lot, and experience it all. That’s the only way to find out exactly who and what will make you happy.
Whether you’re frantically pacing around your apartment waiting for a text or madly in love, we’ve got the recipes to help you through it. We’ve got a chicken that will make any conquest fall at your feet with love. If you don’t get a proposal at the end of the meal, we’ll give you your money back. (No, obviously, this is a lie. See chapter titled “Broke AF.”) And don’t worry; we have also included plenty of recipes for the times when nothing is going your way. I Created a Relationship in My Mind Cupcakes are just perfect for eating your feelings on the couch while internet-stalking your crush’s ex-wife’s cousin on her Pilates retreat. Finally, when you’re ready for revenge that won’t get you arrested, our Eat Your Enemy Crispy Treats will do just the trick. Bitches be crazy, though; you’ve probably already keyed at least thirty-five cars.
It’s true what the Supremes said about how you can’t hurry love, but we promise you that most of these recipes are ready to eat in a hurry (except for Texting Jitters Jam, which is strategically designed to keep you occupied for a long period of time). And unlike dating, we promise every last one of these recipes will end well.—GLM & MPB