STEAK YOUR CLAIM

GLM

Regardless of your relationship status, you should have a fabulous steak recipe in your repertoire. It’s so simple to cook a steak right, yet so many do it wrong. (Are you baking your steak? Stop fucking doing that right now. You’ll never develop a proper crust on it and it will dry out. You are better than that.) Steak can be a little pricey, but fortunately, you need little more than a baked potato and a fresh or cooked vegetable to make it a full meal.

And when you need to have a DTR conversation (that’s “define the relationship,” one of my favorite acronyms), being able to throw together a badass steak is extremely helpful.

Picture this: You’ve been seeing each other for a month or two. The sex is good. Your potential partner is smart, sexy, and loves going down on you. And yet, it’s still not totally clear what exactly this thing is. But you know what you want it to be.

You could stay quiet and hope the other person will bring it up eventually. Maybe they will, but maybe they are also scared to bring it up. Or maybe they’re not really interested in anything serious. In any case, you’ve got to put yourself out there, no matter what lies beyond. You have to stake your claim.

Like a well-executed DTR, the proper cooking of a steak must be timed well. Don’t cook it very far in advance of serving. You want to pull it out of the pan, let it rest for about five minutes, then slice and serve it. If you let it sit for too long, the middle will overcook and what could have been a tender, juicy interior will turn tough and dry (sort of like you if you put this DTR off for much longer).

On the flip side (steak-cooking pun fully intended), if you don’t let the steak rest and serve it too early, it may be bloody and raw inside. The juices will run all over your plate, and the meat will again be dry, since it didn’t have that crucial resting period. It’s a tricky business.

Here’s the best plan: Invite your fuck buddy / date / more-than-friends friend over for dinner. Have the compound butter made and waiting in the fridge. Get your pan hot.

When your intended arrives, pour them a glass of red wine and say, “Oh, let me just throw the steak on and then we can eat.” Be very low-key and chill as you salt and pepper your piece of meat. Let your “friend” enjoy the unmistakable fragrance of cooking beef. Then, just as the steak finishes, pull it out of the pan. Melt the compound butter over it and let it rest. Breathe. You’re smooth, like compound butter. Like a good rib eye.

Then pull out a sharp knife, slice that buttery steak, serve it up, and stake your fucking claim. You got this.

SERVES 2

INGREDIENTS

For the compound butter

3 tablespoons unsalted butter, at room temperature

1 clove garlic, minced

1 tablespoon fresh herbs (parsley, cilantro, rosemary, oregano, thyme, or a combination), chopped

Pinch each of salt and pepper

For the steak

1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil

1 (18-to 20-ounce) boneless rib eye steak, 1 inch to 1½ inches thick

Salt and pepper

DIRECTIONS

Make the compound butter

• In a small bowl, stir together the butter, garlic, herbs, salt, and pepper until completely mixed. Refrigerate until ready to use.

Make the steak

• Heat a griddle or frying pan (preferably cast iron) over medium-high heat. Brush it with the olive oil.

• Sprinkle the steak liberally with salt and pepper on both sides.

• Cook the steak for 4 to 4½ minutes on each side (longer to cook it past medium-rare).

• After cooking, transfer the steak to a cutting board and top it with the compound butter.

• Let it rest for at least 5 minutes.

• Slice the steak and serve immediately.