03/06/90 Calvin and Hobbes are standing in the rain, waiting for the bus.  Calvin launches into a long speech about a dream he had.  He could flap his arms and was able to fly.  He zoomed over the neighborhood. His eyes watered from the wind.  He laughed and laughed as he made loops in the sky.  Then, Mom woke him up and said he'd miss the bus if he didn't get up.  Twenty minutes later, he's standing in the cold rain, waiting to go to school, and he just remembered he forgot his lunch.  He tells Hobbes Tuesday's don't start much worse than this. 9,79; 10,207

03/07/90 Calvin puts a pillow on the floor.  He puts his head on it, then pulls his body up.  He's standing on his head.  Calvin stays there a bit, then says somehow he imagined this experience would be more rewarding. 9,79; 10,207

03/08/90 Hobbes is sleeping when Calvin approaches him using baby-talk.  He asks if Hobbes is sleepy.  Calvin says "hewwo" and calls Hobbes a snoogie-woogie.  Hobbes awakens with a start and clomps down on Calvin's head with his mouth.  Calvin yells for his bloodthirsty carnivore to let go of him.  They fight.   Calvin walks off saying he can see why little tabby cats are so much more popular. 9,80; 10,208

03/09/90 Dad starts reading a bedtime story to Calvin, but Calvin stops him.  Calvin tells Dad that he'd like to see the three bears eat the three little pigs, the bears joining up with the big bad wolf and then eat Goldilocks and Little Red Riding Hood.  He tells Dad to tell him a story like that.  Dad asks how Hansel and Gretel should meet their untimely demise.  Calvin suggests the witch eats them, then the wolf eats the witch. 9,80; 10,208

03/10/90 Calvin asks Dad if he can take the gas can for the lawn mower to the back yard.  Dad says it's 8:00 at night.  He asks Calvin what he wants to do that.  Calvin tells him he wants to pour the gasoline in big letters on the lawn, then set fire to it so airplanes can read it as they fly over.  Dad tells him no, he can't do that.  He tells him not to be ridiculous.  Dad puts the side of his head on his hand and says he doesn't even want to know what he intended to write. 9,80; 10,208

03/11/90 A meeting of G.R.O.S.S. comes to order. Hobbes is accused of heresy. Calvin explains Hobbes made an undisparaging comment about the possible membership of Susie Derkins, an admitted girl and enemy of the club. Hobbes wants the record to show Calvin is a nincompoop. Calvin charges him with insubordination. Hobbes, as court stenographer, refuses to enter the verdict. He promotes himself to "El Tigre Numero Uno". Calvin promotes himself. Hobbes writes "Hobbes equals great" in the club notebook. That makes it law. Calvin takes the notebook. Hobbes takes Calvin's Supreme Dictator hat. They fight, then declare a truce. Calvin says this is a great club, but it's too bad they don't have more members. Hobbes says maybe they should allow Susie to join. 9,81; 10,209

03/12/90 At the grocery store, Mom asks if Calvin, er, she means Hobbes, wants any tuna fish.  Calvin tells her that Hobbes stopped eating tuna fish, because they kill dolphins to get it.  Mom asks what Hobbes likes now.  Calvin tells her fresh swordfish steaks, grilled outside.  Mom asks about peanut butter. 9,82; 10,210

03/13/90 Mom hands Calvin some clean clothes.  She asks him to put them away.  Calvin says the underwear and socks aren't pressed.  He says she didn't finish ironing.  Mom tells him if he wants his underwear ironed, he can do it himself.  Calvin angrily asks what kind of mother she is. Calvin says she should take more pride in her work, as he jams the clothes into an overflowing drawer. 9,82; 10,210; 14,107

03/14/90 Calvin and Hobbes are sitting under a tree.  Calvin says he asked Mom if he was a gifted child.  Mom had replied she certainly wouldn't have paid for him.  He tells Hobbes he can relate this little story when reporters ask how he went bad. 9,82; 10,210

03/15/90 Calvin tells Mom that Hobbes is reading his comic books.  He wants her to stop Hobbes.  He says he told Hobbes to get his own comic books, but Hobbes snarled at him.  Mom says he should be glad Hobbes is more literate than most stuffed animals.  Calvin complains that they're his comics.  Mom tells him he should learn to share.  She doesn't think Hobbes will hurt them.  Calvin throws up his hands in frustration.  He tells Mom that Hobbes drew glasses and a mustache on every picture of Nuke-Man last issue...in pen.  Mom tells Calvin to go play outside. 9,83; 10,211

03/16/90 Calvin is lying on his bed reading a comic book.  Dad asks how his math is coming.  Calvin informs him that he doesn't do math anymore.  He's more of a "visual" person.  Dad tells him to visualize being the only 45-year-old in first grade.  Calvin is doing his homework and Hobbes comes over to ask if he's visualizing sums now.  Grumpily, Calvin tells him he's visualizing Hobbes in traction. 9,83; 10,211

03/17/90 Calvin tells Hobbes he'll give him 20 questions to guess what's in his hand.  Hobbes asks if it's loathsome.  Calvin says yes. Hobbes asks if it's a big centipede with poison pinchers.  Calvin asks if they really have poison pinchers.  Hobbes thinks so.  Calvin jumps into Hobbes' arms and says it's a good thing he guessed so fast.  Hobbes replies that with Calvin, it's never too difficult. 9,83; 10,211

03/18/90 Hobbes wakes up, stretches, scratches an ear, then lies back down. Calvin says Hobbes has a rough life. He asks what Hobbes has done today. After Calvin walks away, Hobbes thinks "people". 9,84; 10,212

03/19/90 Calvin asks Mom where they keep the extension cords.  Mom tells him in the pantry, bottom shelf.  Calvin then asks where they keep the blades for Dad's electric saw.  Mom asks why he wants to know.  Calvin tells her he's making an inventory list so he'll always know where to find things.  He walks off saying he gets the feeling there was no right answer to that question. 9,85; 10,213

03/20/90 Mom is looking for Calvin.  She checks under his bed and yells for him to come out from where he's hiding and to take a bath.  She yells that she means NOW!  She sees Calvin and is horrified.  He yells for him to get off the rug.  Calvin, sitting in the bathtub, is black from head to toe.  Calvin tells Hobbes it's not his fault Mom hasn't gotten the chimney swept. 9,85; 10,213

03/21/90 Calvin runs around happily, saying he saw the first robin of spring.  He figures he'll get a front-page write up in the paper, a commemorative plaque, and a civic ceremony.  He wonders if he should put the money in a trust fund or spend it all at once.  Mom gets his attention. Calvin is sitting under a tree with Hobbes.  Calvin tells him it's a hard, bitter, cruel world to have to grow up in.  Hobbes tells him to cheer up. He asks if he told Calvin that he saw a robin yesterday. 9,85; 10,213

03/22/90 Calvin tells Hobbes how much he likes his Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs.  He shows Hobbes how brown the milk gets.  Calvin points out something on the nutritional label.  Hobbes notices the cereal provides 100% of the daily recommended allowance of caffeine.  Calvin notices an offer to send for a "Buzzy the Hummingbird" doll on the side panel of the box. 9,86; 10,214

03/23/90 Hobbes is lying on the floor, and Calvin starts playing with his toes saying "eenie, meenie, miney, moe, catch a tiger by the toe". Hobbes opens an eye.  Calvin continues saying "if he hollers.." as Hobbes starts to rise with an angry look on his face.  Calvin walks off all scuffed up saying who writes these dumb things anyway. 9,86; 10,214

03/24/90 Calvin calls the county library looking for information on homemade bombs.  Calvin needs a book that lists the needed supplies, and gives instructions for building, rigging, and detonating them.  Calvin asks if any of their other branches have books like that.  Dejectedly, Calvin hangs up saying people wonder why kids don't read. 9,86; 10,214

03/25/90 Mom tells Calvin he'd better go to bed. Calvin wants to read a little more. Mom says they don't want him to get too smart. Calvin is puzzled. Dad explains that if Calvin were smarter, he might realize...his parents are really bug-eyed aliens from Neptune! They rip their masks off, and Calvin runs away. They grab him, get batter ready, and dunk him. They say there's nothing like a fresh batch of earth boy waffles. Calvin wakes up. He says he wasn't asleep and isn't tired. As Mom and Dad carry Calvin to bed, Mom notices Calvin's face was pushed into Dad's leg so hard, it left corduroy lines. 9,87; 10,215

03/26/90 Calvin runs off the school bus, yelling that he's free. He opens the front door.  He stands horrified as he sees what's coming. Climbing out of the trench they just created, Hobbes cheerily tells Calvin that was a good one.  He tells Calvin to look how far they landed.  Calvin, buried in the dirt, says that a house with a tiger is never a home. 9,88; 10,216

03/27/90 Mom asks Calvin how he could get so dirty at school. Calvin tells her it wasn't from school that he got dirty.  He says Hobbes was waiting for him.  Mom tells him to take a bath.  Calvin protests because it's the middle of the afternoon.  As Mom pushes Calvin toward the bathroom, she says she has to take a shower so Dad can take one when he gets home.  Calvin wonders if there's some epidemic going around.  Mom reminds Calvin that she told him that morning that she and Dad were going out that night.  Rosalyn will be watching him tonight.  Calvin is horrified. 9,88; 10,216; 14,85

03/28/90 Calvin yells in anguish throughout the entire strip.  Mom tries to explain to Calvin that she knows he doesn't like Rosalyn, but she's the only person they could get.  Mom reminds Calvin she wants him on his best behavior.  She tells him to do whatever Rosalyn says to, because she doesn't want to hear any horror stories when they return.  Mom tells Calvin to take a breath before he passes out on the floor. 9,88; 10,216; 14,85

03/29/90 In the tub, Calvin asks Hobbes what they're going to do since Rosalyn is coming.  Hobbes asks if Rosalyn will remember how they locked her outside last time.  Calvin says she'll probably put his head on a stake in the front yard as a warning.  Hobbes is sure that would violate some zoning ordinance.  Calvin tells Hobbes that they're in trouble unless they think of something fast.  Hobbes suggests they could try being good. Calvin tells Hobbes he must have gotten some water in his ear.  He asks Hobbes what he said.  Hobbes tells Calvin to forget it. 9,89; 10,217; 14,86

03/30/90 Mom invites Rosalyn in.  Dad says Calvin will be on his best behavior, but Rosalyn asks for an advance.  Dad isn't sure about that. Mom asks to speak with Dad.  Dad tells her Rosalyn asked for an advance on tonight when she left last time.  Mom tells him she doesn't care.  She tells Dad to pay what it takes to get them out of there. 9,89; 10,217; 14,86

03/31/90 As Dad leaves, he catches Calvin's attention.  Dad drags a finger across his throat, then closes the door.  Calvin sits on the floor and says he's going to look at the wall tonight.  Rosalyn says she'll tell him when it's bedtime. 9,89; 10,217; 14,87

04/01/90 Calvin is in a bad mood. Hobbes is lying on the floor in Calvin's path. Calvin tells him to move. He asks if Hobbes thinks he has all day. Hobbes slowly stands up. Calvin says he's coming through. He tries pushing Hobbes out of the way. Calvin says when he says move, he expects Hobbes to jump. He pushes Hobbes, trying to get him to move. Hobbes picks Calvin up. He takes him away. Calvin demands an explanation, then sees the mud hole. Calvin is covered in mud. He yells "See why I'm in such a bad mood". 9,93; 10,221

04/02/90 Calvin tells Hobbes that if they get out of line once, Rosalyn will kill them.  Then, when Mom and Dad return, they'll get killed again.  Hobbes says that's that.  Calvin refuses to admit defeat.  He runs into the closet saying things look grim for them, but not for .....Stupendous Man!  Champion of liberty, foe of tyranny.  Hobbes tells Calvin he's going to get into bed now and avoid the rush. 9,90; 10,218; 14,87

04/03/90 Stupendous Man streaks across the sky.  The man of mega-might zooms to the rescue.  Baby sitter girl is momentarily distracted.  Rosalyn is on the phone with her boyfriend, Charlie.  She says she's at the little monster's house again, but that he's been pretty good tonight.  Stupendous Man is creeping up behind her. 9,90; 10,218; 14,88

04/04/90 Rosalyn is telling Charlie that Calvin's parents are so desperate to get out once in a while.  Stupendous Man leaps up yelling that freedom and justice shall always prevail over tyranny.  He knocks Rosalyn off the chair.  Stupendous Man has the strength of a million mortal men. He tells Rosalyn to give up.  Rosalyn grabs the phone and tells Charlie she'll have to call him back.  She says he wouldn't believe what the cretin is wearing.  Stupendous Man has a leglock on Rosalyn and says he fights with heroic resolve. 9,90; 10,218; 14,88

04/05/90 Rosalyn rolls her sleeves up and asks if Calvin wants to play rough.  Stupendous Man thinks she must have super powers, too. Rosalyn tells him he has two seconds to get his caped butt in bed, or she'll put it there for good.  Stupendous Man says the evil Amazon is using a psycho-beam to weaken his stupendous will.  Rosalyn starts counting. Stupendous Man tries to resist.  When Rosalyn says "two", Stupendous Man is off. 9,91; 10,219; 14,89

04/06/90 Stupendous Man is out the door.  Rosalyn yells out that his parents told him to behave.  She says they're not going to be happy when they hear about this.  Mom and Dad are in the restaurant.  Dad says that if they had bought a dog like he wanted, they could go out like this all the time.  Mom says they came to relax and should talk about something else. 9,91; 10,219; 14,89

04/07/90 Rosalyn is outside with a flashlight looking for Calvin. Stupendous Man, in his treehouse, plans his strategy.  Calvin goes back inside to his bedroom.  He tells Hobbes that he made a stupendous dash when Rosalyn went around the house.  He says she still doesn't know where he is. 9,91; 10,219; 14,90

04/08/90 Spaceman Spiff lands on Planet Gorzarg-5. He sets off across the desolate terrain in search of help. In the distance, methane clouds rain sodium hydroxide, a caustic alkali. The downpour was too heavy for the ground to absorb. A steaming river of corrosive liquid rushes toward our hero. Spiff scrambles to higher ground, but the flood continues to rise. Our hero is trapped. How could things get worse? Calvin is leaning across the bathtub as Mom tells him to just get in. 9,95; 10,223

04/09/90 Hobbes notices Rosalyn going around the house again.  She still doesn't know Calvin is inside.  Calvin changes from Stupendous Man back into Calvin.  Rosalyn has seen the bedroom light and comes inside. Calvin tells Hobbes to get in the covers and pretend they've been reading in bed.  Hobbes reminds Calvin that Rosalyn knows he attacked her and ran outside.  Calvin says that was Stupendous Man.  He's been in bed in his PJ's since 8:00.  Hobbes asks if he thinks she's going to believe that. Calvin tells him his covers are here and his pajamas are here.  It's as plain as can be. 9,92; 10,220; 14,90

04/10/90 Rosalyn comes into the room.  Calvin tells her he's been there all the time.  Rosalyn tells him he snuck outside, took off his costume, and jumped in bed.  She says he's going to get it now.  Calvin thumbs his hands at Rosalyn asking what she can do since he's already in bed.  She grabs Calvin and tells him to get downstairs.  Calvin protests, saying he needs his sleep. 9,92; 10,220; 14,91

04/11/90 Mom asks Calvin if he'd like to explain what happened tonight.  He tells her he put on his pajamas at 8:00, brushed his teeth, and went straight to bed.  Mom asks about the note Rosalyn left.  Calvin says she made him write it up to get him in trouble.  He says Rosalyn hates kids.  In bed, Hobbes tells Calvin "Nice try, Pinocchio".   Calvin asks who would've thought Rosalyn would make him write a full confession. 9,92; 10,220; 14,91

04/12/90 Calvin complains that he can't watch TV for a week.  He says they think they've won, but he'll show them.  He refuses to learn a lesson.  They can't change him.  He sits on the floor in front of the TV and says he's going to sit there all week, even though he can't turn it on. 9,94; 10,222

04/13/90 Calvin asks Dad to explain the theory of relativity to him.  He can't understand how time goes slower at great speed.  Dad says it's because you keep changing time zones.  It's like when you fly to California and gain two hours on a five-hour flight.  Dad says at the speed of light, you gain more time because it doesn't take as long to get there. Dad says the theory of relativity only works if you're heading west. Calvin tells him that isn't what Mom said at all.  She must be off her rocker.  Dad says men are better at abstract reasoning.  He tells Calvin to tell Mom that. 9,94; 10,222

04/14/90 Calvin asks Mom if they can go out to the highway. Calvin wants to put on his roller skates, tie a rope around himself to the car bumper, and skate along behind at 55 mph.  Calvin asks again if they can go.  Up on a tree branch, Calvin tells Hobbes he wishes Hobbes could drive. 9,94; 10,222

04/15/90 Going down the hill in their wagon, Calvin asks Hobbes if he's noticed decisions make chain reactions. Calvin says each decision they make determines the range of choices they'll face next. Coming to a fork in the road, Calvin chooses to go left. As a result of that decision, they're faced with jumping the ledge or riding along the side of it. If they hadn't turned left at the fork, this new choice would never have come up. Hobbes notes with some dismay, Calvin has chosen to jump the ledge. Hobbes asks if they should bail out or die in the landing. Calvin says that shows their first decision created a chain reaction of decisions. He decides they should jump. Lying in the stream, Calvin says if you don't make each decision carefully, you never know where you'll end up. Hobbes wishes they could talk about these things without the visual aids. 9,102; 10,230; 14,105

04/16/90 Calvin runs over to the swings.  He gets on while saying he almost never gets a swing at recess.  No one is telling him to hurry up, as he keeps swinging.  Calvin decides this is either his lucky day, or he missed the end-of-recess bell again. 9,96; 10,224; 14,120

04/17/90 Susie comes over and asks if Calvin signed up to play baseball at recess.  She says he must be the only one who didn't.  The others are playing in the back fields.  Calvin is the only boy on a playground full of girls.  Susie says it looks that way.  She asks if Calvin wants to teeter-totter with her.  Calvin, shocked, says he's in Cootie Central and hasn't had his shots.  Susie tells him stupidity produces antibodies.  Calvin pulls his shirt over his mouth asking for an air filter. 9,96; 10,224; 14,120

04/18/90 Calvin is on the teeter-totter with Susie.  She asks why he didn't sign up to play baseball.  Calvin says he'd just rather run around.  He says he hates the rules and organization and teams and ranks in sports.  He says someone is always telling you where to be, what to do, and when to do it.  He figures when he wants that, he'll join the Army and at least get paid. 9,96; 10,224; 14,121

04/19/90 Moe hassles Calvin about being a sissy for not signing up for baseball.  Moe says Calvin would rather play with dolls on the playground.  Calvin says he wasn't playing with dolls.  Moe wants to see Calvin's Barbie doll.  Calvin says he's not a wimp and was on his way to the office to sign up for baseball right now.  Standing outside the office door, Calvin wonders why, if he's not a wimp, he's taking the path of least resistance. 9,97; 10,225; 14,121

04/20/90 Calvin tells Hobbes he signed up to play baseball at recess, even though he doesn't like it that much.  Calvin likes playing with Hobbes, because they get to do everything.  Hobbes admits he likes the part when they argue over the rules.  Calvin figures it will be boring playing the game the way it's supposed to be played.  Hobbes asks if Calvin even knows the right way to play.  Calvin asks what happens if they make him a halfback.  He wonders if he can tackle the shortstop or not. 9,97; 10,225; 14,122

04/21/90 Dad tells Calvin he heard Calvin signed up to play ball. Calvin admits he only did it to stop getting teased.  Dad tells Calvin team sports are good for teaching teamwork and cooperation, winning graciously and accepting defeat.  He says it builds character.  Calvin says he's regretted every time he's built character.  He says he doesn't want to learn teamwork or how to learn about winning or losing.  He doesn't even want to compete.  He asks what's wrong with having fun by yourself.  Dad tells him when you grow up, it's not allowed.  Calvin says that's all the more reason he should do it now. 9,97; 10,225; 14,122

04/22/90 Dad asks what story Calvin wants tonight. He wants a story about Hobbes and him. Dad starts making up a story about them getting up at the crack of dawn, making a huge ruckus, running up and sliding down the stairs. Calvin adds about the Big Bad Dad yelling at them and saying he'd mail them to Pluto third class if they didn't knock it off. Dad continues that Calvin went to rot out his innards with chocolate cereal and rot his brain watching cartoons. Calvin doesn't want editorials. Dad continues that Calvin and Hobbes went outside, and it was nice and quiet in the house for a while. He tells Calvin good night. Calvin complains that's not the end. Dad gives Calvin a kiss and says he's right. That isn't the end of the story. The story doesn't have an end. He and Hobbes will write more of it tomorrow and every day after. But for now, it's time to sleep. Calvin says that was a good story. Calvin and Hobbes wish each other a good night. 9,104; 10,232

04/23/90 Dad offers to help Calvin practice baseball before dinner.  Calvin goes out to get ready to field a ground ball.  He complains that he should just move.  Dad gets ready to hit the ball and tells Calvin not to wait on the ball.  He needs to run up to the ball.  Dad leans over Calvin, lying on the ground.  Dad says the ball sometimes bounces up like that, and he has to be ready for that.  Calvin, speaking through a clogged nose, tells Dad thanks for the tip.  He tells Dad to find his nose and put it on ice so they can sew it back on. 9,98; 10,226; 14,123

04/24/90 Mom asks why they're coming back inside.  Dad tells her a ground ball bounced up and hit Calvin in the nose.  Calvin, still talking through a clogged nose, says his own Dad tried to kill him.  His nose is bleeding.  Mom tells him to hold his head back and use some tissues. Calvin says he's not playing baseball again.  Dad says they can forget about having a millionaire baseball player supporting them in their old age.  Calvin holds the tissues to his nose saying all his character is dripping out his nose. 9,98; 10,226; 14,123

04/25/90 Calvin tells Hobbes his nose stopped bleeding, so he'll have to go to school tomorrow.  Calvin says his life's a disaster.  He says he gets hurt learning the skills to play a game he doesn't want to.  Hobbes asks if Calvin's nose is clogged, and Calvin says yes.  Hobbes says if Calvin snores, he's going to tilt the bed so Calvin rolls out the window. Calvin is glad he has a sympathetic friend to talk to. 9,98; 10,226; 14,124

04/26/90 Susie notices Calvin has a baseball glove.  She asks if he signed up for recess baseball.  Calvin tells her she's lucky girls don't have to put up with that nonsense.  He says if a girl doesn't want to play sports, that's fine.  If a guy doesn't want to chase some stupid ball, he's called a wimp.  He says girls have it easy.  Susie replies boys aren't expected to live their lives twenty pounds underweight. 9,99; 10,227; 14,124

04/27/90 Calvin reports to the coach.  The coach sends him to deep left field.  Calvin isn't sure where that is, so the coach points it out to him.  Calvin goes so far he's in tall grass.  He figures that is pretty deep. 9,99; 10,227; 14,125

04/28/90 In the tall grass, Calvin complains that baseball is the most boring game in the world.  He's been standing out there all this time, and not a single ball has come out to him.  Then, he figures that's alright, because he doesn't know which base to throw it to.  Calvin notices the teams exchanging positions.  The guys at bat are now out in the field. Calvin is sure someone would tell him if he was supposed to be doing something different. 9,99; 10,227; 14,125

04/29/90 Calvin returns home and remembers how Hobbes pounces on him. He gets an idea to make a broomstick Calvin to fool Hobbes. He sets the stick Calvin on the porch and calls "I'm home". Hobbes opens the door, grabs the fake Calvin, then asks if he can read Calvin's comic books. Calvin ties to open the door, but it's locked. He hears Hobbes ask to draw mustaches on all the superheroes. Calvin sits on the front porch saying he'll get him for this if it takes his whole life. 9,106; 10,234

04/30/90 Spaceman Spiff is marooned on the most distant planet in the galaxy.  There's no hope of rescue from this bleak world.  Spiff tries to repair his disabled spacecraft.  CRACK!  There's a fly ball to left field.  Calvin says there is a commotion on the horizon.  Aliens!  Calvin says Spiff grabs his blaster. 9,100; 10,228; 14,126

05/01/90 Shouts go out to the left fielder.  Calvin realizes that's him.  He runs up under the fly ball and makes the catch.  It's an out!  Calvin proudly brings the ball in saying he's a natural athlete.  One of the kids asks who he is.  Another one thinks Calvin is on the other team. 9,100; 10,228; 14,126

05/02/90 The batter notices Calvin was the one who caught it. Calvin walks up saying you can do that stuff when you're in top physical condition like he is.  They explain to Calvin that it's a new inning, and his team is at bat.  The batter complains Calvin got one of his own team out.  He calls him a dweeb, a jerk, an idiot.  Calvin tries to drop the
ball then.  His teammates want to coach to get him off the team.  The batter wants to hit Calvin with the bat. 9,100; 10,228; 14,127

05/03/90 Calvin's teammates continue to berate him.  They say he should be on the other team if he's going to get them out.  They say he doesn't know how to play.  Calvin protests that it's a game and is supposed to be fun.  One of the team says it's only fun if you win.  They say he's dead meat if he screws up again.  They ask if Calvin's grandmother taught him to play.  Calvin walks up to the coach and says he doesn't want to play anymore.  There's too much team spirit.  The coach says "OK, quitter! Goodbye". 9,101; 10,229; 14,127

05/04/90 Up in the tree branch, Calvin tells Hobbes he doesn't understand.  When he didn't play, the other kids teased him.  When he did play, the other kids teased him.  Then the coach called him a quitter when he stopped playing.  Calvin says unless you're a star, you can't please anyone.  Hobbes asks why he doesn't just please himself.  Calvin replies that Mom won't let him move to Madagascar. 9,101; 10,229; 14,128

05/05/90 Hobbes says it's Saturday and wants to know what Calvin wants to do.  Calvin says anything but an organized sport.  Hobbes asks if he wants to play Calvinball.  Hobbes says no sport is less organized than Calvinball.  Calvin calls a new rule.  If you don't touch the 30 yard base wicket with the flag, you have to hop on one foot. 9,101; 10,229; 14,128

05/06/90 Calvin looks at his food and pokes it. It grabs a knife, and they fight. Calvin knocks the knife away. The food garbs a spoon, scoops itself and hits Calvin with it. SPLAT! Calvin runs away. Mom puts her hand on her head in frustration, while Calvin says not to blame him. He was the one who said they should call for a pizza. 9,108; 10,236; 14,131

05/07/90 Calvin is in front of the class for "show and tell".  He has a souvenir from the afterlife.  He says it's as amazing as his story of yesterday afternoon, when he actually died of boredom.  He says he was doing his homework when he collapsed.  He felt himself rising and saw his crumpled body on the floor.  He drifted up in a shaft of light and entered the next world.  Eventually, his heart started again, and he came back to life.  But he didn't come back before bringing his souvenir.   He pulls out a yo-yo.  He tells Miss Wormwood it was pretty boring there, also.  She wants to look at his homework. 9,103; 10,231

05/08/90 Calvin is watching a nature show on TV.  The show talks about the mother bird, having eaten her fill, returning to the nest to regurgitate the worms to feed her hungry brood.  Calvin is startled.  At the dinner table, he looks at the plate of food Mom gives him with distrust. 9,103; 10,231

05/09/90 Calvin is sitting at his desk.  His head droops forward as he fights sleep.  The teacher yells for him to pay attention.  He lifts his head up.  He says there's no head rest on his chair.  He should sue for whiplash. 9,103; 10,231

05/10/90 Calvin asks Mom if she felt anything funny when she got dressed that morning.  She asks what he means.  He explains something tickly or scratchy.  Something like a bite or sting.  She asks what he has behind his back.  Calvin hands her a flyswatter and bug spray, saying she might want those.  He runs off.  Dad sees Mom changing her clothes and comments on women always doing that.  Mom says that after she gets that kid, he's next. 9,105; 10,233

05/11/90 Calvin says this time, he's really going to learn how to ride his bicycle.  He says balancing on two wheels is just as easy as balancing on two feet.  Just as he says that, he trips.  He tumbles forward, his shoe flying off.  As he gets up, he says that crossed the line from ironic coincidence to evil omen. 9,105; 10,233

05/12/90 Sitting at his table doing homework, Calvin says he doesn't want to do it.  He wants to have fun.  He's sitting in his wagon with Hobbes when Mom comes out and stands by him.  Back at his table, Calvin complains that too much stress is unhealthy. 9,105; 10,233

05/13/90 Mom has Calvin get out of bed. He stands in the rain waiting for the school bus. He's bored at school. He doesn't like his lunch. Moe extorts money from him. He gets an "F" on a paper. He walks home in the rain. Hobbes pounces on him and hugs him. Mom, picking up his wet clothes, asks if Calvin had a good day. Calvin, carrying Hobbes, says it's getting better. 9,110; 10,238; 17,48-49

05/14/90 Calvin tells Hobbes he's come up with a new system for doing homework.  He calls it "Effective Time Management", or "ETM" for short.  He's drawn up a schedule of each school subject.  He uses a kitchen timer to monitor his pace.  Calvin says that thanks to ETM, he's much more efficient.  The timer rings.  Calvin says his math minute is up.  He tells Hobbes to set the timer for his spelling assignment.  Hobbes says his schedule calls for smaller time increments than the timer can measure. 9,107; 10,235

05/15/90 Armed with a flyswatter, Calvin chases a fly in the house.  He swats it in mid-air, then picks it up.  Mom tells him she will not take a picture of him holding his kill. 9,107; 10,235

05/16/90 Dad is reading in his chair when Calvin walks up to him. Calvin moves his arms and says KAZAM!  Dad turns into a giant, alien bug. Calvin walks away while Dad asks what that was about. 9,107; 10,235

05/17/90 Mom is filling the shopping cart with groceries.  She carries the three bags of food.  She has pots and pans all over the kitchen preparing dinner.  She serves a plate to Calvin, who says it looks like compost.  Later, sitting at the table alone with his food, Calvin says Mom doesn't appreciate him. 9,109; 10,237

05/18/90 Calvin is reading a book and asks Hobbes what a "Paper Tiger" is.  Hobbes explains that it's a tiger with a newspaper route. Calvin continues to read, but says this book makes no sense at all. 9,109; 10,237

05/19/90 Calvin asks Dad if he'd pay him a dollar to eat a bug. Dad says he'd have to eat a whole bucket of bugs before he'd pay him a dollar.  Dad adds that Calvin could pick up sticks in the back yard for a dollar, if he'd prefer.  Calvin, while picking up sticks, laments that his real skills are undervalued. 9,109; 10,237

05/20/90 Spaceman Spiff zooms to the surface of Ahnooie-4. He sets off to search for sentient life. Spiff only discovers a hideous blob so stupid it just stares completely straight ahead, unaware of anything around it. Our hero decides to put the blob out of its misery. Susie yells to Miss Wormwood that Calvin's shooting spit balls. Perplexed by the blob's resilience, Spiff adds more juice and prepares to fire again. A giant creature comes up behind him. 9,114; 10,242

05/21/90 On Planet Zark, Spaceman Spiff's spacecraft sits empty. The rocks are charred with death ray blasts.  A struggle has taken place. Only the tracks of a sinister alien leave the scene.  What has happened to Spiff?  Mom is pushing Calvin into the school bus.  She tells him this is humiliating.  Calvin doesn't want to go. 9,111; 10,239

05/22/90 Calvin sits at his desk with teeth gritted.  He says Spiff is being held prisoner by hideous aliens.  He wonders what they want with him.  Spiff is called before the alien potentate.  It becomes clear Spiff is going to be sacrificed....to appease the evil god they call "Nollij".  Miss Wormwood tells Calvin to go to the blackboard. 9,111; 10,239

05/23/90 Calvin, looking at the math problem on the board, says our hero thinks fast.  He slowly reaches for the tiny atom blaster concealed in his belt.  He turns and tells the bloodsucking, mutant chromosomal disasters that he's out of there.  Miss Wormwood tells Calvin to give her the rubber band right this minute. 9,111; 10,239

05/24/90 Spiff escapes.  The smelly corridors of the fortress are deserted.  All the aliens had gathered for the spectacle of our hero's demise.  The space explorer makes it to the planet surface, but the alien queen is in pursuit.  Miss Wormwood yells for Calvin to come back to the room.  Spiff jumps into his spacecraft and blasts off.  He's safe! 9,112; 10,240

05/25/90 Mom is surprised to see Calvin at home.  It's not even noon yet.  Calvin tells her they were let out early due to a gas leak.  Mom wonders if the school knows he left.  She says she's going to call the school.  Calvin tells her no one is there.  Everyone was evacuated.  Mom calls anyway.  Spiff hadn't counted on running into a Zark enforcer ship. Spiff's evasive maneuvers come to naught. 9,112; 10,240

05/26/90 Calvin tells Hobbes that he got in trouble when Mom found out he had just left school.  She drove him back, and they had a talk with his teacher and the principal.  They discussed his study habits, and now he has extra homework.  Dad's going to check it every night to make sure it's right.  He hands the book to Hobbes and tells him to do an extra good job. Hobbes tells him he's lucky tigers are so smart. 9,112; 10,240

05/27/90 Calvin and Hobbes are playing Calvinball. Calvin stole Hobbes' flag. Hobbes hit him with the Calvin ball. He has to sing the "I'm very sorry" song. Calvin protests he was in the "no song" zone. Hobbes corrects him, as he had touched the "opposite pole", so now the "no song zone" is a "song zone". Calvin complains that Hobbes didn't declare it. Hobbes says he declared it oppositely by not declaring it. Calvin starts singing, and Hobbes joins in. When they're finished, Calvin says he gets free passage to wicket five. Hobbes tells him they did that last time. Calvin makes up a new rule to jump until someone finds the bonus box. As they jump away, Calvin says the only permanent rule in Calvinball is that you can't play it the same way twice. Hobbes says the score is "Q to 12". 9,113; 10,241; 14,129

05/28/90 Calvin stands in front of the class and asks if UFO's are real.  He holds up pictures while asking if the amateur photographer got pictures of a sinister alien spaceship and the grim results of a close encounter.  Or are they an elaborate hoax?  He implores the class to listen to the space alien expert speculate on their hideous biology and their horrifying weaponry.  All this and more on Calvin's show and tell coming up next.  Miss Wormwood asks Calvin to come over to her. 9,115; 10,243

05/29/90 Hobbes is lying on the floor, sleeping.  Calvin comes up and says "Twitching tufted tail, a toasty, tawny tummy: a tired tiger".  He takes a bow for him alliterative haiku.  Hobbes thinks "sheesh". 9,115; 10,243

05/30/90 Calvin asks Hobbes if he's heard people say modern art is something "my six-year-old kid could do that".  Calvin has decided to be a forger and get rich passing off fake paintings to museums.  Since a lot of paintings sell for tens of millions of dollars, he'll make a pretty good hourly rate.  Hobbes tells him he should probably scratch out the copyright date on the cartoon stationery.  Calvin is glad Hobbes caught that. 9,115; 10,243

05/31/90 Dad starts reading a bedtime story.  Calvin asks if the story has any shoot-ups in it.  Dad says no.  Calvin asks if it has any violence at all.  Dad says of course not.  Calvin asks Dad why he thinks Calvin will like the story. 9,117; 10,245

06/01/90 Calvin asks Mom if she wants to see something neat.  With his can of soda, he can burp for almost ten seconds straight.  Mom doesn't think so.  Calvin adds that at the same time, he'll recite a gross limerick he heard at school.  Later, Hobbes wonders if it would have mattered if he recited the Gettysburg Address.  Calvin says his talents are wasted on her kind. 9,117; 10,245

06/02/90 Calvin walks toward Dad rubbing his eyes and yawning. Dad tells him he's missed the best part of the day.  Dad says he's been up since 6:30, and he's gotten many things accomplished.  Calvin walks off saying when he has a day off, he can tell the difference.  Dad says he just knows some nurse switched the bassinets. 9,117; 10,245; 14,107

06/03/90 Susie knocks on Calvin's door. Stupendous Man answers. Susie asks what he is doing. Calvin tells her he was just about to use his stupendous powers to liberate some cookies being held hostage on the top shelf of the pantry. He says duty calls, so he slams the door on Susie. A bolt of crimson streaks across the sky. He's off to save the day. Susie returns home. Her mom asks if they had an egg she could borrow. Susie says no one was home. 9,116; 10,244

06/04/90 Calvin runs in and turns on the television.  He sits on the floor and tells the TV to "pander to me". 9,119; 10,247

06/05/90 Dad sees Calvin playing a record, so he decides to tell Calvin something interesting.  He shows the point on the label and a point on the outer edge of the record.  They make a circle at the same time.  Dad says the point on the outside of the record has to travel faster because it makes a bigger circle.  Two points on the same disk, moving at different speeds, even though they make the same revolutions per minute.  Calvin lies awake in his bed at night, eyes wide open, trying to understand it. 9,119; 10,247

06/06/90 Calvin starts a race between him and Hobbes.  They slowly move.  Calvin moves ahead.  Hobbes tells him that he's going so slow, he's going backward.  He says he's winning.  Calvin tells him he's cheating. 9,119; 10,247

06/07/90 Calvin calls Dad at work.  Dad asks if it's important. Calvin tells him to forget he called him "Dad".  He says it's not Calvin. Dad tells him he has work to do and that he'll see him when he gets home. Calvin asks if he has any crimes to report.  Standing in his Stupendous Man costume, Calvin says this secret identity stuff is hard to get used to. 9,121; 10,249

06/08/90 Calvin shows Hobbes he has a baby tooth that's hanging on by a thread.  Hobbes cringes.  Calvin tells Mom that he can turn it all the way around with his tongue.  Mom covers her mouth with her hands.  Calvin shows Dad he can move the tooth from side to side.  Dad covers his eyes and sticks his tongue out.  Calvin looks in a mirror and says they're all just jealous. 9,121; 10,249

06/09/90 At the dinner table, Calvin says "Look" and points to the side.  When Mom looks over, Calvin dumps his dinner onto Mom's plate.  Mom says she didn't see anything.  Calvin tells her she missed it, and he's done eating.  Dad looks over and asks what Calvin saw.  Mom looks at her heaping plate and says "an opportunity". 9,121; 10,249

06/10/90 Calvin readies his sled for a trip down the hill. He tells Hobbes life is like topography. There are summits of happiness and success, flat stretches of boring routine, and valleys of frustration and failure. He's dedicating himself to only experiencing peaks. He wants his life to be one never ending ascension. Each minute should bring greater joy than the previous minute. As they sail off the hill, Calvin is saying he's going to jump from peak to peak. Tumbling down, Hobbes says with flat places, you don't have so far to go down. Calvin says only losers go down. He's only going up and up. 9,118; 10,246

06/11/90 Calvin tells Mom he doesn't feel so good.  Mom agrees that he doesn't look good.  She feels his forehead.  Calvin says summer vacation started, and he can't be sick.  Mom tells him she's going to get the thermometer.  Calvin yells out that he refuses and that he hates thermometers.  Mom puts one in his mouth.  Calvin doesn't believe her when she says it takes two hours to register.  Mom tells him to be nice and quiet, and she'll check on him in the afternoon. 11,5

06/12/90 Calvin is scratching himself.  He says it's worse than bug bites.  As he keeps scratching, he says whatever it is drives him crazy.  He pulls off his shirt and sees spots.  Calvin thinks that's cool. 11,5

06/13/90 The doctor tells Mom that Calvin has chicken pox.  Calvin asks if he's a veterinarian.  The doctor says it will run its course in about a week.  Calvin complains that the doctor is mad.  He accuses him of having the real doctor tied up and gagged in the other exam room.  The doctor says Calvin is extremely contagious, so he needs to be kept from other kids.  Calvin wants Mom to sue him and drive up his malpractice insurance.  Horrified, Mom repeats that Calvin has to be inside for a week. The doctor notices a nasty twitch Mom has developed.  Calvin offers, for ten dollars, to make sure the doctor sees all the kids in the waiting room again real soon. 11,5

06/14/90 Calvin calls Susie on the phone.  He asks her if she'd like to come over and play.  Susie says he's never invited her before.  In the background, Mom asks Calvin what he's doing.  He tells her to go away. Mom says he's contagious and can't have anyone over to play.  Calvin says she's spoiling the whole thing.  He was trying to trick Susie into catching his bug.  The phone hangs up.  Susie calls to her Dad to see if there's any chance of him transferring. 11,6

06/15/90 Hobbes asks if Calvin is absolutely positive tigers can't catch chicken pox.  Calvin says yes.  Hobbes isn't so sure, so he shows his claws to Calvin.  Calvin wakes Mom up to ask if she's absolutely positive tigers can't catch chicken pox. 11,6

06/16/90 Calvin shows Mom his chicken pox are going away.  He tells Mom to remember that this week doesn't count.  Mom asks what he means.  He says summer vacation days don't count if you're sick.  So he gets to go to school a week later to get his full allotment of vacation. Calvin and Hobbes are looking at a book.  Calvin asks what the next amendments says.  He knows it's in there someplace. 11,6

06/17/90 Everything has turned neo-cubist. It started when Calvin engaged his Dad in a debate. Soon Calvin could see both sides of the issue. Then Calvin began to see both sides of everything. The traditional single viewpoint has been abandoned. Perspective has been fractured. The multiple views provide too much information. Calvin tries to eliminate all but one perspective. It works! The world falls into a recognizable order. He walks up to Dad and tells him he's still wrong. 9,120; 10,248; 14,99; 17,50-51

06/18/90 At the dinner table, Calvin asks to be excused to watch a TV program.  Mom says they're still eating.  Calvin says he's finished.  He says the stuff was awful, and he wants to watch television.  Mom explains that it's impolite to leave the table in the middle of a meal.  Calvin asks if he's just supposed to sit there and watch them chew.  Mom tells him his television show isn't as important as spending some time together as a family.  Calvin offers a compromise of watching a sitcom family.  Angrily, Dad says that in a minute, Calvin's going to discover the difference between those and real life. 11,8

06/19/90 Calvin says his TV show is starting.  Dad is sure Calvin's instinct for survival will kick in soon.  Calvin wants to know what the big deal is about dinner.  He says lots of people watch TV while they eat.  Dad tells him that dinner is the one meal a day they set aside to be together and talk.  He says there's more to being a family than just being in the same house.  They need to interact once in a while.  Calvin says they could argue about what channel to watch. 11,8

06/20/90 Grumpily, Calvin says he's missed half his show.  He hopes Mom and Dad are happy.  Dad says he shouldn't be planning his life around the TV anyway.  Dad says he doesn't think it's too much to ask that they sit together 40 minutes without distractions and interruptions.  The phone rings, and Mom goes to get it.  She says she's expecting a call. Calvin tells Dad to go ahead.  He thinks Dad was saying something funny. Dad says he has all these great genes, but they're all recessive.  That's the problem here. 11,8

06/21/90 Calvin tells Hobbes they have to play outside.  He says Dad won't let him watch TV.  Dad says since it's summer, he should play outside and run around, instead of sitting in front of a tube.  Calvin calls Dad a dictator.  Hobbes says it's cruel to be forced to play.  As Calvin climbs on his swing, he says he'll show him.  He refuses to have fun. 11,9

06/22/90 Calvin and Hobbes are going to race to a tree.  Hobbes says this one will determine the championship of the universe.  Calvin asks how long they've been outside.  Hobbes tells him an hour.  Calvin races off saying where does the time go.  He goes over to the window and tells Dad he's not having any fun. 11,9

06/23/90 Dad says it's getting dark, and he calls Calvin inside. Calvin was catching fire flies, and he wants to stay out longer.  Dad says first Calvin didn't want to go out, now he doesn't want to come in.  Dad tells him that by not watching TV, he had more fun and will have memories of something real he did instead of something fake that he watched.  In bed, Calvin says nothing spoils fun like finding out it builds character. 11,9

06/24/90 Calvin and Hobbes are tumbling, drawing pictures, chasing a frog, in their treehouse, playing baseball, reading comic books, swinging, playing treasure hunt, and playing in the sandbox. Mom asks Calvin to empty a bag into the garage trash can. Calvin complains some vacation this summer is. 9,122; 10,250

06/25/90 Calvin is in a box and tells Hobbes to hop in, they're going to get rich.  Hobbes wants no part of it.  He doesn't want to be transmogrified, duplicated, or whatever.  Calvin reminds him that when the top is open, it's a time machine.  Hobbes says that's even worse.  Calvin chides him for being such a baby.  He says the way Hobbes acts, the dinosaur actually got them last time.  He says it wasn't even a carnivore. Hobbes doesn't care.  He says Calvin and that box are plain bad news. 9,123; 10,251

06/26/90 Calvin says it's too bad Hobbes isn't going back to the Jurassic period with him.  Calvin says they're going on a photo safari. Hobbes says he can drop the "we" stuff.  Calvin says he'll have to eat all these great snacks himself.  Hobbes asks what kind of snacks and how many. 9,123; 10,251

06/27/90 Hobbes figures if they're good snacks, it's okay to time travel.  Calvin sets the dial for 140 million years ago, and off they go. Hobbes asks why they don't get younger as they travel back through time and disappear as they pass the day they're born.  Calvin says he'd explain it, but there's a lot of math.  Hobbes says he thought Calvin got a "D" in math. 9,123; 10,251

06/28/90 Hobbes asks if it's time for snacks.  Calvin explains they're traveling at light speed through an interdimensional continuum lapse.  He says to wait until they land.  Hobbes offers to inventory the snacks.  Calvin says he could help him drive.  He's worried that if they miss their exit, they could fly into the big bang.  He says there would be no universe, and probably no time.  Hobbes thinks they should eat the snacks now. 9,124; 10,252

06/29/90 They see a diplodocus.  They're in the Jurassic.  Hobbes can't believe Calvin wanted to come back.  Calvin said last time, they forgot the camera.  He figures they only need a few dinosaur photos, and they'll get rich when they get home.  Hobbes thinks if they get in National Geographic, he can meet some of those tigress babes they showed in the April issue.  Calvin asks if they were females.  He doesn't know how Hobbes can tell the difference. 9,124; 10,252

06/30/90 They have a chance for pictures of stegosaurs.  Calvin says these pictures will answer hundreds of questions about dinosaur anatomy and behavior.  Paleontologists will pay through the nose for these pictures.  Hobbes points behind him to take the picture of the dinosaur that's smiling.  It's a allosaurus!  Calvin is busy looking the other way for his photo. 9,124; 10,252

07/01/90 Calvin suggests a game of tossing a water balloon back and forth. Each time they catch it, they take a step back. Calvin throws the balloon to Hobbes. Calvin catches the return toss. He steps back and hits Hobbes with the balloon. He starts laughing at Hobbes, who stands there drenched. Hobbes picks Calvin up. He asks if Hobbes can't take a joke. He says he didn't do it on purpose. Hobbes dunks Calvin in the rain barrel. As he climbs out, Calvin says it's no fun to play games with a poor sport. 11,7

07/02/90 Hobbes asks what that ugly brute is called.  Calvin is horrified when he sees it's an allosaur.  Hobbes tells him he doesn't need to yell.  He's standing right there.  Calvin tells Hobbes to run.  As they run, Calvin tells Hobbes that when they get to the time machine, throw the snacks they packed.  It might divert him while they take off.  Hobbes says Calvin can throw his snacks, but Hobbes might still want his.  Calvin yells that he's going to be a snack himself.  He yells to get in. 9,125; 10,253

07/03/90 Calvin tells Hobbes to throw some food.  Hobbes doesn't want to throw his sandwich.  Hobbes finds a mushy banana that he throws to the dinosaur.  Calvin says it was a close call, but it will be worth it when they develop their pictures.  Hobbes asks if he can eat Calvin's sandwich, since he rescued it. 9,125; 10,253

07/04/90 Calvin runs up to Mom and asks if she knows where he and Hobbes have been.  She says she saw him playing in a cardboard box out back.  Calvin says that's what it looked like, but they really time-traveled to the Jurassic period and returned at the split second they left.  That's why it didn't look like they left.  He says they saw lots of dinosaurs.  He asks if Mom will take some film to be developed.  He'll pay her back when Time magazine coughs up for his story. 9,125; 10,253

07/05/90 Calvin has the pictures from the Jurassic trip.  The pictures came out great.  Calvin says they can get their own apartment now. Calvin says he'll also buy a car, but since he can't drive for another decade, he'll get a chauffeur.  Hobbes says that if they pay him, he'll have to let them sit up front and beep the horn. 9,126; 10,254

07/06/90 Calvin tells Dad it's too bad he wasn't nicer to him all these years.  He explains that he's not inclined to share his future millions with Dad.  He shows him the pictures he took.  Dad comments that he didn't realize dinosaurs looked so small and plastic.  Calvin wants to know what Dad is insinuating. 9,126; 10,254

07/07/90 Calvin tells Hobbes that Dad doesn't believe they went to the Jurassic period and took photographs of real dinosaurs.  Calvin continues that Dad thinks they took toy dinosaurs and took pictures of those.  Dad told Calvin that if he really wanted to make money, Dad would pay a dollar for Calvin to pull weeds out of the front walk.  Calvin told him he didn't want the money that bad. 9,126; 10,254

07/08/90 A quetzalcoatlus swoops over the tyrannosaurus. The tyrannosaur lunges and brings down the flying pest. The commotion draws other tyrannosaurs, greedy for an undeserved piece. Mom asks Calvin for a piece of chicken at the picnic table. Calvin whisks the plate away, saying it's all his. Driven away by the roaring and gnashing of the intruders, the tyrannosaur nurses a deep grudge. Revenge will soon be his. 11,10

07/09/90 Calvin asks Mom what parts of people they would eat if they were cannibals.  Calvin wants to know where the steaks would be, if legs would be like drumsticks, and if kids would be like veal.  Mom scoots him away telling him to be disgusting somewhere else.  Calvin grumbles that some people just don't have inquisitive minds. 11,11

07/10/90 Riding down the hill in the sled, Calvin asks Hobbes if he's ever noticed that the older people get, the slower they do things. Calvin wonders why that is.  He figures that the less life you have left, you'd want to do everything faster so you could pack more in the remaining years.  He tells Hobbes that when he's a geezer like Dad, he'll be going like a maniac. 11,11

07/11/90 Calvin is standing backward on the top of a ladder, his back to his wading pool.  Hobbes is standing next to the pool yelling up at Calvin.  He tells Calvin he better hurry, Mom's yelling something. 11,11

07/12/90 Calvin warily approaches his bike.  He says "easy now". He gets closer and says "steady boy....nice bike".  Suddenly, the bike rears up and startles Calvin.  Calvin peeks at the bike from behind a tree. 11,12

07/13/90 Calvin comes into the house all scarred and dirty.  Dad asks what happened to him.  Calvin tells him the bicycle tried to kill him. Dad asks if he fell off.  Calvin says it took 40 minutes to subdue it to the point he could climb on, then it bucked him over the handlebars.  Dad asks if he fell off.  Calvin tells him it then tried to run him over.  He says he's lucky to be alive.  Dad tells him balancing takes a little practice.  Calvin asks Dad if he has a rifle and if he'll shoot the bike. 11,12

07/14/90 Calvin peeks out the door.  After he's outside, the bike peeks around the corner at him.  The bike chases him down the street. Looking at Calvin lying on the ground, Dad says maybe they should get his inner ear checked. 11,11

07/15/90 Calvin finds himself an inch tall on the writing desk. He tears off a sheet from a nearby pad of paper. At his size, folding the sheet is difficult, but Calvin's patience is rewarded. He makes a paper airplane, pushes off and catches a small thermal rising up the front of the desk. A gust from an open window sends Calvin across the house. Calvin leans to steer. He runs the paper plane into Dad. Sitting under a tree outside, Calvin tells Hobbes he doesn't need parents. All he needs is a recording that says "go play outside". 9,127; 10,255

07/16/90 Susie sees Calvin behind the tree.  Calvin tells her to be quiet and asks if she's seen his bicycle.  Calvin whispers to Susie that if his bike doesn't get him first, he's going to cut its spokes.  He says she never saw him today.  After Calvin leaves, Susie says her class voted Calvin "Most likely to be seen on the news some day". 11,13

07/17/90 Calvin walks up to his bike asking if it would like some oil.  Calvin jumps at the bike, saying it's going to the scrap heap.  The two struggle.  Mom is cleaning Calvin, who's all scarred and dirty.  Dad says he never got his face caught in the chain when he was learning to ride a bike.  Mom asks Calvin what really happened.  Calvin insists he already told her. 11,13

07/18/90 In bed, Calvin says he hates his stupid bike.  He's never going to ride one as long as he lives.  He hears a creak.  His bicycle comes out of his bedroom closet.  Calvin shouts that the bike has been lying in wait and is coming to get him.  He yells for help.  Mom comes to his room and holds Calvin close.  Calvin tells her that he told her it's trying to kill him.  She says it was just a dream, but she asks why he brought his bike upstairs to his closet. 11,13

07/19/90 Mom asks Calvin to take a garbage bag to the garage.  He asks if she's mad.  He says that's where his killer bicycle is.  He says it will jump him.  Mom doesn't want any nonsense and sends him to take the garbage.  In the garage, the bicycle is growling at Calvin.  Calvin, back pressed against the wall, wonders how far from home his savings will get him. 11,14

07/20/90 Calvin whispers down to Hobbes from a tree branch. Calvin tells him he's hiding from his killer bicycle.  He says it can't climb trees, so he'll have to stay there the rest of his life.  Hobbes tells him to wedge a big stick through the spokes of the front wheel.  He explains when the stick hits the fork, the wheel will jam and the bike will flip over.  Calvin comes down calling Hobbes a lifesaver.  Hobbes suggests they could mosey over to the kitchen if Calvin wonders how he could possibly thank him enough. 11,14

07/21/90 Calvin runs up to Hobbes telling him he put the stick in the bicycle's spokes.  Calvin says when it tried to chase him, it flipped over.  Calvin says he then wrestled it to exhaustion and let the air out of its tires.  He says that nasty ol' thing won't be coming after him anymore. He says they're too smart for it.  Mom notices Dad putting training wheels on Calvin's bicycle.  Dad says he pumped up the tires.  They were both flat. 11,14

07/22/90 Calvin and Hobbes are playing baseball. Calvin hits it and runs the bases. Hobbes casually retrieves the ball as Calvin passes eleventh base. Hobbes walks with the ball. Calvin's going for home after touching twenty-fifth base. Hobbes tags Calvin out. Calvin, exhausted, thinks they need to change the rules. 11,15

07/23/90 At the table, Calvin and Hobbes call for a toast to them. Best friends forever.  They both start munching their slices of toast. 11,16

07/24/90 Calvin walks up to Dad and says he supposes Dad wants to know how he's doing in the polls.  Dad doesn't.  Calvin shows him a chart indicating the "Average Dad Approval Rating" being 70%.  He shows Dad's rating at just under 10%.  Calvin continues showing charts that indicate Dad's rating would improve with every hour added to bedtime.  By midnight, Dad would be up to normal.  Calvin concludes by saying these findings suggest a logical course of action.  Dad wonders how much time Calvin spends making those charts. 11,16

07/25/90 Hobbes is lying on the floor.  Calvin comes up and says a poem.  It talks about his tiger running around nude.  His fur coat lies on the floor.  Is this a permanent change, or were the colors passe?  Will he want it back, or should he use it for a rug?  Calvin walks away, and Hobbes wonders when school starts. 11,16; 14,106

07/26/90 Calvin laments people don't understand him.  He says he's a card-carrying genius.  He shows Hobbes his card, which reads "Calvin, certified genius".  Hobbes is impressed that he has a certificate.  Calvin admits that he doesn't, but says people don't check those things.  He just says it's at the frame shop.  Hobbes admits that's pretty smart.  Calvin reminds him he's a genius.  Hobbes looks at the card and wonders if Calvin embossed the card with a screwdriver. 11,17

07/27/90 Calvin opens the vacuum cleaner and removes the dirt bag. He cuts it open, and dirt pours out on the floor.  Mom yells at him. Sitting on the porch step, Calvin wonders how he's supposed to learn surgery if he can't dissect anything. 11,17

07/28/90 Calvin tells Hobbes that ants run everywhere.  It's like they think they have to be somewhere on time.  Calvin shows the ants never walking, but always going top speed.  He says that's silly.  Calvin tells Hobbes to come around back, he wants to show him something else.  Off they run. 11,17

07/29/90 Dad gets the morning paper and notes that he always rushes off and never takes time to enjoy days like this. He has his coffee and says he'd like to have a quiet day around the house. He could read a book, go on a bike ride, spend time with Calvin. He thinks about taking the day off. Calvin runs by. Mom runs by, head covered with shampoo. She yells for Calvin to get back there and pick up every dead bug he put in her shampoo. Dad watches all this. Later, he is sitting at his desk whistling. 11,18

07/30/90 Great thunder clouds pile high into the sky.  There's a blinding flash of light.  It's Calvin the lightning bolt.  The bolt heads toward the house.  In a fraction of a second, the house will be in a million pieces.  Mom picks Calvin up.  He drops his saw as Mom tells him that she knows it's raining, but that he should play a board game or something. 11,19

07/31/90 Calvin hops out of bed saying every day is the same old thing.  He takes his pajama top off and says "but not today".  He walks out the door naked as Mom chases him down.  In his room, he puts on his clothes saying everybody's a slave to routine. 11,19

08/01/90 Calvin asks Mom if he can get contact lenses.  Mom tells him his eyes are fine, and that he doesn't need them.  Calvin tells her they have some that change the color of your eyes.  Mom says his eyes are pretty the way they are.  Calvin tells her with contacts, he could make one eye red and the other yellow striped like a bug.  Sitting on a log with Hobbes, Calvin says it seems once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool. 11,19

08/02/90 Mom and Dad sleepily open Calvin's bedroom door.  He is sitting in bed with a pair of drums and a horn.  He asks them if he has to have a reason for everything. 11,20

08/03/90 Sitting by the water, taking his shoes off, Calvin tells Hobbes that when it's that hot, he doesn't want to do anything at all. They get into the water and he says that fortunately, that was their plan from the start. 11,20

08/04/90 In his underwear, Calvin walks up to Susie and says that he's Tarzan, king of the jungle.  Susie asks if Calvin's Mom knows he's over there in his underpants.  Calvin dejectedly walks off saying he doesn't think Jane ever said that to Tarzan. 11,20

08/05/90 With an evil grin, Calvin fills a water balloon. He waits behind a tree. Hobbes comes down from the tree, taps Calvin on the head, and asks Calvin if he's looking for someone. Calvin says yes, but for someone else, not for Hobbes. Hobbes gives him a theoretical question. If Calvin knew today was his last day on earth, what would he do different? He gets in Calvin's face and adds especially if, by doing something different, today might not be his last day on earth. Calvin looks at the water balloon. He walks off saying he doesn't think that question was very rhetorical at all. 11,21

08/06/90 Hobbes asks if Calvin gets hot wearing long pants in the summer.  He asks why Calvin doesn't wear short pants.  Calvin fumes. Hobbes asks what he said.  Calvin angrily tells him that short pants touch his feet. 11,22

08/07/90 Mom is standing on the top of the ladder grabbing Calvin, who's standing on the roof.  He has a bungee cord around his waist.  He tells Mom she's acting like he isn't even wearing a bungee cord. 11,22

08/08/90 Hobbes hits the ball.  Calvin runs up to make the catch, but the ball hits him on the head.  He falls down, but the ball lands in his glove.  Hobbes says they're both out. 11,22

08/09/90 Dad is cooking on the grill.  Calvin comes up and says cooked-out hamburgers may be charred on the outside, raw on the inside, but they have that special outdoor flavor...of lighter fluid.  Calvin asks when they eat.  From his bed, he yells "Whaddaya mean tomorrow". 11,23

08/10/90 Riding down the hill in the wagon, Calvin says he likes toys that make a lot of racket.  He complains the problem with the wagon is that it doesn't make much noise.  They sail off the edge of the hill, yelling.  As they roughly land, Calvin says that fortunately, they do. 11,23

08/11/90 Calvin is sitting on the floor, reading a comic book. Suddenly, Hobbes pounces down right in front of Calvin, startling him. Hobbes says "oops".  As Hobbes walks off, Calvin says he just does that to show that he could have snuffed him. 11,23

08/12/90 Calvin tells Mom he's bored. Mom points out it's a beautiful summer day. She says he has all outdoors to pay in. She tells him to use some imagination. Calvin walks off, scratches his head, then gets an idea. He grabs a pail, goes to the pond to fill the pail with water, then douses Mom with the water. Calvin, sitting on his bed, says his upbringing is filled with inconsistent messages. 11,24

08/13/90 Calvin asks Dad if he supports the free expression of ideas in their society.  Dad says he does, and says that's the first thing in the Bill of Rights.  Calvin clarifies that Dad would be against censorship and the suppression of ideas he found distasteful.  Dad agrees, saying you have to take that bad with the good.  Calvin then says Dad wouldn't object to Calvin being exposed to art, movies, or music that some people think is offensive and shocking.  Dad starts to explain about their responsibility to be culturally educated and able to make critical distinctions.  Calvin accuses Dad of stalling. 11,25

08/14/90 Calvin is rubbing Hobbes' tummy as he sleeps.  Calvin stops and walks away.  Hobbes bares his fangs and growls at Calvin.  Calvin rubs Hobbes' tummy some more. 11,25

08/15/90 Mom and Dad are talking at the table.  Mom says she sometimes feels their life has gotten too complicated, they've accumulated more than they need, they've accepted too many demands.  Dad quotes Thoreau saying "simplify, simplify".  He suggests maybe they need to do that.  Mom asks how.  Calvin walks by, and Mom and Dad look at him.  Calvin says he hates it when they look at him that way. 11,25; 14,130

08/16/90 Calvin calls Dad at work.  Dad says unless it's very important, hang up.  He's very busy.  Calvin hangs up.  At home, Calvin and Hobbes are sitting on the edge of the kitchen sink.  Water is pouring over the edge of the sink onto the floor.  The water is a couple feet deep on the floor already.  Calvin says this should qualify in another 15 minutes. 11,26

08/17/90 Mom tells Calvin she asked him to clean his room.  Calvin says he did.  Mom says if he did, it wasn't a good job.  The room looks as messy as it did before.  She tells him he should take pride in what he does.  Calvin, standing in his messy bedroom, says he doesn't need to do a better job.  He needs better P.R. on the job he does. 11,26

08/18/90 Calvin has a bat and flips the ball into the air to hit it.  He has to run to chase the ball, then misses it when it comes down. Dad stands with a glove on saying he wouldn't worry about this if Calvin was a better student. 11,26

08/19/90 Calvin's bicycle attacks him. He gets a rope and lassoes the bike. The bicycle drags him along the ground. Calvin ties the bike to a tree. Dad comes by later, sees the bike tied against the tree, and laments that you buy the kid a good, expensive lock, and look. 11,27

08/20/90 Calvin calls a meeting of G.R.O.S.S. to order.  President and First Tiger Hobbes gives an attendance report.  Club Secretary General Hobbes gives the minutes.  Calvin then calls for a field report from Top Scout Calvin.  Hobbes says you can tell this is a great club because they have so many officers. 11,28; 14,136

08/21/90 Top Scout Calvin reports the enemy has been sighted on the sidewalk two doors down.  It's Susie Derkins, an acknowledged girl. Calvin recommends they establish a strike force to bug Susie.  Hobbes calls for volunteers. 11,28; 14,137

08/22/90 As they climb down from their tree fort, Calvin says he'll be the strike force commander, while Hobbes is the special agent in charge of munitions.  Calvin suggests filling a water balloon and sneaking up on Susie through the back yard.  Hobbes wants to be official cartographer, mapping their hiding places and escape routes.  Calvin decides to be the code expert and make an unbreakable code.  Hobbes runs to get paper.  As they both work on their tasks, Calvin says he hopes Susie doesn't go anyplace for a while. 11,28; 14,137

08/23/90 Calvin has finished the secret code.  He has assigned each letter a totally random number.  For instance, for the letter "A", you write 3,004,572,688.  Hobbes admits that's a good code.  Calvin says they only have to commit it to memory.  He asks if Hobbes has finished the map of their neighborhood.  Hobbes isn't quite done yet.  He asks how many bricks there are on the front walk. 11,29; 14,138

08/24/90 They have their map, the code, and a water balloon. They're ready to soak Susie.  Hobbes says they should run to the big tree out back, then to the bush out front, then the ditch out back, then the tree out front.  He explains to a winded Calvin that's to lose anyone who might be tailing them.  Calvin is going to write Hobbes a note in code.  He asks how to spell "nincompoop". 11,29; 14,138

08/25/90 They made it to Susie's yard, but she's not there. Calvin is distraught that all their plans have gone for naught.  Hobbes suggests she might have only gone in for lunch.  Her toys are still left out, so she's probably planning to come back.  Calvin's eyes bulge, and he wrings his hands.  He says that gives him a fabulous idea. 11,29; 14,139

08/26/90 Hobbes tells Calvin he just ran into the invisible sector. He has to cover his eyes. Calvin, playing Calvinball, didn't know they had an invisible sector. He asks where it is. Hobbes tells him he can't see it. It's invisible. He asks how to know he went into it. Hobbes says he can't see anything, right? He hits Calvin on the head with the Calvinball. He gets a point. Calvin chases him. He says Hobbes just ran into a vortex spot. He has to spin around until he falls down. Hobbes informs Calvin that spot is in the boomerang zone, so the vortex returns to who called it. Calvin has to spin. He claims that's not fair. Hobbes tells him he knows the rules. Calvin admits that anything they make up are the rules. Calvin spins himself dizzy while saying this game lends itself to certain abuses. Hobbes has the Calvinball. He asks Calvin to guess how he gets out of the boomerang zone. 11,34

08/27/90 Hobbes asks what Calvin is doing.  He's picked up Susie's doll.  Hobbes says they can't take it.  That would be stealing.  Hobbes asks if they're going to give it back.  Calvin replies they will if she pays the ransom. 11,30; 14,139

08/28/90 Susie comes back and wonders what happened to her Binky Betsy.  She knows she left her there, and she wonders if someone took her. Everything else is still there.  Calvin and Hobbes are making a ransom note.  Hobbes says he likes cut-and-paste.  Calvin asks how much they should ask for.  He thinks one hundred dollars. 11,30; 14,140

08/29/90 Susie goes back inside telling her Mom that she can't find her doll.  The doorbell rings.  No one is there, but there is a note on the ground.  Susie reads the note.  It reads "Susie, if you want to see your doll again, leave $100 in this envelope by the tree out front".  It warns her not to call the police.  It says she can't trace or find them. It's signed "Sincerely, Calvin". 11,30; 14,140

08/30/90 Susie is outraged to receive a ransom note.  She crumples the note and says he can't get away with this.  She notices something else in the envelope.  It's a picture of Binky Betsy tied to a chair.  Susie is horrified.  In their tree fort, Calvin tells Hobbes this is a great club. Hobbes asks Calvin what he's going to do with his $50. 11,31; 14,141

08/31/90 Calvin suggests walking real casually down the sidewalk to see if Susie put the hundred dollars by the tree.  They march along with Calvin saying he enjoys his afternoon constitutional.  Hobbes says it's quite invigorating.  They see the envelope.  Calvin figures they're rich. Hobbes says they should sneak up and get it.  Susie is hiding behind the tree. 11,31; 14,141

09/01/90 Calvin sets Hobbes down and tells him to watch for Susie while he counts the money to make sure it's all there.  Calvin opens the envelope to find no money.  There is a note.  Calvin reads "now we're even".  He wonders what that means.  Susie has grabbed Hobbes and run off. Calvin notices Hobbes missing. 11,31; 14,142

09/02/90 Calvin, the airline pilot, awaits takeoff. Ignoring the control tower, Calvin guns the engines and passes the other planes. He opens the throttle. Stewardesses are hurled to the rear of the plane. Calvin takes off ahead of schedule. He notices another plane had received clearance to land. It's headed for the same runway. It looks like a mid-air collision over a crowded super highway at rush hour. Mom returns to the car, telling Calvin thanks for waiting so patiently. Calvin, playing with his toy airplanes, says he could wait even longer if she'd buy him a third plane. 11,41

09/03/90 Calvin chases Susie, who's carrying Hobbes.  Calvin tells Hobbes to bite her.  Susie reaches her home and closes the door.  From an upstairs window, Susie yells down for him to get away from their door with that drill. 11,32; 14,142

09/04/90 Calvin is fuming about Susie.  Calvin said he kidnapped her doll, but that's no reason to retaliate.  He says girls have no sense of humor.  He storms off saying this was all funny until she did the same thing to him. 11,32; 14,143

09/05/90 Calvin brings Susie's doll back to her house.  Susie opens the door and tells Calvin she thinks she might rather have his tiger than her doll.  She tells Calvin he can keep Binky Betsy.  Calvin doesn't want a doll.  Susie says he'll grow to like her.  She has the cutest accessories you can buy.  Calvin says he wants Hobbes.  Susie tells him she thinks Hobbes likes it better there with her.  Calvin yells that he does not. 11,32; 14,143

09/06/90 Calvin offers to give Susie her doll and a quarter to return Hobbes.  Susie agrees and tells Calvin to leave her stuff alone next time.  They exchange and think each other are jerks.  Later, Calvin asks Hobbes what kind of tiger he is.  He didn't try to maul her.  He asks what he was doing in Susie's house.  Hobbes says wouldn't Calvin like to know. 11,33; 14,144

09/07/90 In their tree fort, Calvin says it doesn't give their club a lot of credit when the First Tiger is a willing captive of the enemy.  Hobbes sticks out his tongue.  Calvin says they stole her doll, and he had to pay ransom.  He says it's a disgrace.  Calvin doles out demerits for besmirching the club's reputation and conduct unbecoming an officer. He also gives a censure for not devouring Susie when he had the chance. When Calvin asks if there's anything else, Hobbes tells him he almost gave her their code when she rubbed his tummy.  Calvin asks whose side he's on. 11,33; 14,144

09/08/90 Calvin declares this a sad chapter in G.R.O.S.S. history. Hobbes says he did some spying after gaining Susie's confidence.  He says he read an open page of Susie's diary.  Excited that Hobbes intercepted a secret message deep in enemy territory, he asks what it said.  Hobbes tells him "Calvin is a pig-faced smelly fat-head".  Calvin says their club is a success.  He welcomes Hobbes back and offers promotions for everyone. 11,33; 14,145

09/09/90 Susie gives Calvin an invitation to a milk and cookie party. Calvin declines. He wouldn't attend if she paid him. Susie doesn't care and walks off. She calls Calvin a jerk and says she went to all the trouble to set up the table and chairs. She says to Mr. Bun they can have a nice party by themselves. Calvin happily tells Hobbes they showed her. Hobbes wonders what kind of cookies they were. Calvin and Hobbes go to the party. Susie is happy. Calvin says they don't attend parties, they crash them. 11,42

09/10/90 Calvin asks Hobbes for help with homework.  He asks what 6 + 3 is.  Hobbes calls the answer "Y", as in why do I care.  He says "Y" might be a square number, so he draws a square.  He makes one side 6, the other 3.  Then, he measures the diagonal.  Calvin doesn't remember the teacher explaining it like that.  Hobbes suggests she might not know higher math.  Calvin says the diagonal is just a little under 2.  Hobbes offers to draw the square bigger. 11,35

09/11/90 Mom tells Calvin he can't read comic books until he's finished his homework.  Calvin says he is finished.  Mom asks if he did a good job, since it didn't take very long.  Calvin tells her that when you're as far ahead of the class as he is, it doesn't take long.  Mom says she'll see about that when she gets back from her parent-teacher conference with Miss Wormwood.  Shocked, Calvin says she doesn't need to bother going. He says Miss Wormwood said he was so good, she didn't have to go. 11,35

09/12/90 Calvin is horrified that Mom is going to the parent-teacher conference.  He figures he's as good as dead, and that Miss Wormwood will tell Mom all sorts of horror stories about him.  Hobbes asks about the horror stories.  Calvin says it's all a question of perspective, but he thinks he should be allowed to have a lawyer present at the meeting. Hobbes asks what he's going to say when Mom gets back.  Calvin says nothing.  He pulls out a suitcase and tells Hobbes he's crazy if he thinks Calvin is even going to be there when she returns. 11,35

09/13/90 Dad asks Mom how the meeting went with Calvin's teacher. Mom saw that all the kids had drawn self-portraits in art class.  The pictures were left on their desks so parents would recognize their child's seat.  Dad asks if Mom found Calvin's picture.  She says she saw one picture with a green kid with fangs, six eyes, and a finger up his nose. She says the meeting went downhill from there. 11,36

09/14/90 Mom opens Calvin's bedroom door.  He is startled and says he didn't finish packing.  He says everything Miss Wormwood said about him is a lie.  He says she hates little boys.  Calvin asks if she told her about the noodles.  He says it wasn't him.  No one saw him.  He was framed. Mom asks what noodles.  Calvin says she must have heard wrong, he didn't say noodles. 11,36

09/15/90 Dad wants to check over Calvin's math homework.  Calvin doesn't want to.  Dad says his teacher said he needed to spend more time on it.  Calvin complains he's already spent ten whole minutes on it.  Dad sees an answer Calvin wrote, 8 + 4 = 7.  Dad says Calvin knows that's not right. Calvin says he was off a bit, sue him.  Dad says you can't add things and come out with less than you started with.  Calvin protests that he can do that, it's a free country and he has his rights. 11,36

09/16/90 Calvin tells Susie his sandwich wiggled. He says there's a slug in his peanut butter. The sandwich attacks him. The peanut butter itself is alive. He has his sandwich on his face. He says it's going to suck out his eyeballs. Susie looks away, sickened. Calvin pulls the sandwich off and drowns it in chocolate milk. With his face covered in peanut butter and chocolate milk, he tells Susie Mom will be disappointed her little plot failed. Susie says she's never seen anything so revolting and asks what's wrong with him. She walks away, saying she's eating somewhere else. Calvin says girls are so weird. 11,45; 14,135; 17,52-53

09/17/90 Dad tries to explain that when you add something, you increase what you have.  Calvin says he doesn't want to learn this.  It's irrelevant to his life.  Dad says everyone needs to know this.  Calvin insists he doesn't.  He can get along without math.  Dad asks what he wants to be when he grows up.  Every job requires some math.  Calvin says he's going to be a caveman.  Dad counters that isn't really a job. 11,37

09/18/90 Dad tries to show Calvin.  He has eight pennies and asks for four more.  Calvin tells him he's the one with the steady paycheck. Dad tells him to give him four pennies and asks how much he has now. Calvin asks about investments and all.  Dad only cares about the money on the table.  Calvin replies eight cents.  Dad tells him eight plus four is twelve.  Calvin protests those four pennies are his. 11,37

09/19/90 Mom asks how the math lesson is going.  Dad thinks pretty well.  Dad explains that he took pennies and showed how adding or subtracting them changed how much money he had.  Mom hopes Calvin will do better in class now.  Dad thinks he will.  He says Calvin was having fun with it by the end.  Calvin tells Hobbes to give him another five cents and they'll see what he has. 11,37

09/20/90 Smiling at his desk, Calvin feels he knows math cold.  He hopes the teacher calls on him.  He hopes he gets to do a problem at the board.  He'll impress everyone.  Miss Wormwood hands Susie some papers and asks her to take one and pass the rest down.  She asks what it is.  Miss Wormwood says it's a math quiz.  Enthused, Calvin says "Hot dog". 11,38

09/21/90 Susie warns Calvin not to try to copy her answers. Calvin replies that he'll probably get a better score than she will. Calvin bets her 25 cents.  Calvin suggests she give him the quarter now to avoid the humiliation later.  Susie suggests they raise the wager.  Calvin offers to double the bet, to 35 cents. 11,38

09/22/90 Calvin is excited that not only will he ace the quiz, he'll win a quarter from Susie when he gets a better score.  He reads the first problem, 6 + 5 =.  He thinks about it.  Spaceman Spiff approaches the sixth planet of the Mysterio system. 11,38

09/23/90 Walking along, Calvin notices leaves rustling in the tree above. Hobbes jumps down and pounces on him. They fight, and Hobbes runs off. Calvin walks home. When he opens the door, Hobbes attacks again. Calvin crawls into the house. Mom opens the door to his room and asks what the big surprise is. Calvin, hiding behind her legs, says to try his closet. 11,46

09/24/90 Spiff commands the red spacecraft breaking through the clouds of Planet 6.  He reflects on his unusual mission, to somehow crash Planets 6 and 5 together. 11,39

09/25/90 Spaceman Spiff drops an anchor onto the Planet 6 surface. Spiff downshifts and guns the motor.  The planet slowly moves, towed by our hero.  It breaks orbit and speeds toward Planet 5. 11,39

09/26/90 Planet 6 is about to collide with Planet 5.  Our hero cuts loose the anchor and flies to safety.  The planets grind and shatter with awful force.  Planet 5, being smaller, is crunched to dust.  Only Planet 6 remains.  Calvin answers the problem....6 + 5 = 6.  The teacher calls time.  Calvin is horrified.  He's only answered the first problem. 11,39

09/27/90 Calvin wonders how time can be up.  He hurriedly writes random numbers on the paper.  He hopes for some to be right by sheer luck. Calvin hands in the paper.  Susie reminds him they have a bet on who has the higher grade.  Calvin says the bet's off, he doesn't gamble. 11,40

09/28/90 Susie got a perfect score on the quiz.  Susie asks Calvin if he missed any.  Calvin complains he would have gotten a perfect paper if he had a few more minutes.  Calvin says it's biological.  Girls mature faster than boys.  He says she got a better grade because she's a girl. Susie tells Calvin to pay up.  Calvin offers that maybe it's opposite day. Maybe all his X's mean those are correct.  Maybe Susie's "A" is really an "F".  Calvin says he wins the bet. 11,40

09/29/90 Hobbes asks Calvin how he did on his math quiz.  Calvin tells him he flunked it, but only because he ran out of time.  He says the worst part was that Susie won their bet on who'd get the better score.  He had to pay her 25 cents.  Calvin laughs that he cheated her, though.  He only gave her three dimes.  Hobbes says Calvin better study harder.  Calvin tells Hobbes not to start on him. 11,40

09/30/90 Hobbes kicks the football to Calvin. Calvin runs with the ball. Hobbes crouches and waits. Calvin gets closer, and Hobbes leaps toward Calvin. They crash and roll together for a distance. Looking back, Hobbes says he bets it takes four downs just to get back on the field. Calvin thinks football is a sport the way ducks think hunting is a sport. 11,48

10/01/90 Calvin has cut a piece of cardboard to make a TV screen. He holds it up, and it's just like he's on TV.  Calvin laments he can't force his way into millions of people's homes each day.  He adds that on the other hand, no one in that home can turn him off. 11,43

10/02/90 Hobbes asks what it's like to be on TV.  Calvin says it's great.  Now that Calvin is on TV, he's different from everybody else.  He's special.  He says since everyone knows him, everything he does is newsworthy.  He's a cultural icon.  Hobbes thinks his antenna needs adjusting.  Calvin shows Hobbes that he's going to use his prestige to endorse a product. 11,43

10/03/90 Calvin, eminent television personality, is doing a commercial for "Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs".  They're crunchy on the outside, chewy on the inside.  There isn't a single natural ingredient or essential vitamin to get in the way of the rich, fudgy taste.  Calvin says it's the cereal he gets paid to recommend because he's famous.  Calvin asks Hobbes what he thinks.  He asks if Hobbes is filled with the desire to emulate him and eat the cereal he endorses.  Calvin says if not, he can repeat this every 20 minutes.  Hobbes tells him not to threaten him. 11,43

10/04/90 Calvin goes up to Mom telling her he has his own TV show. He sings his jingle about amazing Calvin, the one you'd like to meet, the one who can't be beat.  Calvin thanks the audience.  Mom wants to change the channel.  Calvin tells her he's on all the networks. 11,44

10/05/90 Hobbes asks where Calvin's TV screen is.  Calvin tells him his fall lineup got cancelled.  Dad said one TV in the house was enough, and he preferred the one with the volume control.  Hobbes suggests that Calvin go cable.  Calvin has an idea for a sitcom called "Father Knows Zilch". 11,44

10/06/90 Calvin has completed a connect-the-dots picture, but it doesn't look like anything.  Hobbes says you're supposed to connect them in the order they're numbered.  Calvin replies that everything has to have rules, rules, rules. 11,44

10/07/90 Spaceman Spiff explores a new planet. The only sign of life is a strange lichen growing on the rocks. Spiff bends down for a better look. It's not lichen. It's tiny trees on tiny farmland. Looking ahead, Spiff sees a city, with skyscrapers an inch high. The planet is inhabited. Our hero reflects that human scale is by no means the standard for life forms. To drive the point home, a blimp-sized monster appears over the hillside. Calvin has been playing with ants. Moe is making fun of Calvin by yelling to one of his friends. Calvin, slowly reaching for a rock, says Spaceman Spiff reaches for his stun blaster. 11,50

10/08/90 Calvin and Hobbes are playing football.  Hobbes snaps the ball and runs toward Calvin.  Calvin takes off running.  Hobbes scores. Calvin says he'll never have a career in sports until he learns to suppress his survival instinct. 11,47

10/09/90 Calvin is running with the football.  He stops suddenly, and he turns around and runs the way he came.  Hobbes tackles him.  Calvin, lying on the ground, says what this game needs are negotiated settlements. 11,47

10/10/90 Dad is getting dressed for work, and Calvin asks why he is the one who goes to work and not Mom.  Dad explains that Mom used to work, but when Calvin was born someone had to stay home.  He says Mom's job had a lot of stress and aggravation.  Calvin asks if she wanted to quit. Dad said no, she had gotten used to it, so they figured she should be the one to stay at home with Calvin. 11,47; 14,130

10/11/90 Moe tells Calvin to get off the swing or he'll punch his lights out.  Calvin does, and Moe calls him a sissy.  Calvin fumes.  He says years from now, when he's successful and happy, and Moe's in prison, he hopes he's not too mature to gloat. 11,49

10/12/90 Calvin is sitting on a stool with a smile on his face. Dad is getting ready to take a picture.  Dad counts to three and says click.  Calvin is still smiling.  He says click again.  Calvin still smiles.  Dad actually snaps the picture, but Calvin is making a face. 11,49

10/13/90 Calvin bows in front of the TV.  He prays to the great altar of passive entertainment.  He asks it to bestow upon him its discordant images at such speed as to render linear thought impossible.  He turns the TV on and sits watching. 11,49

10/14/90 Calvin wants Hobbes to pose for a wildlife painting. Calvin puts Hobbes on a rock. Calvin tells him to survey his territory with the quiet confidence of a jungle cat. Hobbes puts a paw up to look into the distance. Calvin doesn't think that's quite it. Hobbes puts a paw to his chin. Too formal. Calvin wants to try one where the fierce tiger rests in the shade after a kill. Hobbes lies draped over the rock. No good. He tries lying on his back across the rock. Calvin gets frustrated. Hobbes strikes a fierce pose, and Calvin says that's it. Calvin had no idea this would be so hard. He wonders about trying to pose a dumb moose. Hobbes reminds Calvin he's more of a yellow ochre than a straight orange. 11,52

10/15/90 Calvin says it's 8:00, and they have to go to bed already.  Calvin complains someone is always running his life.  He never gets to do what he wants.  Hobbes asks what he would do if he could stay up.  He says something fun, like whatever Mom and Dad get to do.  Mom and Dad are sleeping on the sofa. 11,51

10/16/90 Calvin points to the sky at night and tells Hobbes that cloud of stars is our galaxy, the Milky Way.  He says our solar system is on the edge of it.  He says they hurl through an incomprehensible darkness. He says in cosmic terms, they are subatomic particles in a grain of sand on an infinite beach.  They look at the stars.  Then Calvin looks at his watch and wonders what's on TV right now. 11,51

10/17/90 Calvin complains that everyone takes him for granted.  He asks if it's too much to ask for an occasional token gesture of appreciation.  Mom offers a big hug.  Calvin wants 20 dollars.  After Mom leaves, Calvin continues complaining that he doesn't matter to anyone. Nobody cares about him. 11,51

10/18/90 Calvin asks Hobbes if he thinks their morality is defined by their actions, or by their hearts.  Hobbes thinks their actions show what's in their hearts.  Calvin stops and says he resents that. 11,53

10/19/90 Calvin is running with the football, and he stops.  He flips the ball into the air for Hobbes to grab.  Calvin says they say winning isn't everything, and he's decided to take their word for it. 11,53

10/20/90 Calvin says he stands firm in his belief of what's right. He refuses to compromise his principles.  Mom comes over to him.  Calvin, in the bathtub, says he doesn't need to compromise his principles.  They don't have the slightest bearing on what happens to him anyway. 11,53; 14,147

10/21/90 Calvin's homework is on the table. The book attacks the pencil. It bites the pencil, then turns to attack the paper. It bites and eats the paper. It then turns to Calvin. Miss Wormwood says his book eating his homework is a new one. Calvin says he's lucky to be alive. He had to break the book's spine. 11,54

10/22/90 Calvin is playing with his toy trucks.  Hobbes pounces on him.  Calvin, lying battered on the floor with Hobbes next to him says he wouldn't mind this so much if Hobbes didn't keep a log.  Hobbes, writing in his book, asks if Calvin was "very surprised" or "completely surprised". 11,55

10/23/90 Calvin shows Mom a mask he made.  She asks if it's for Halloween.  Calvin tells her it's for every day.  Since Hobbes sneaks up and attacks him from behind, Calvin can wear the mask on the back of his head.  Hobbes won't know which way he's facing, so he can't sneak up.  Mom says his train of thought is a runaway. 11,55

10/24/90 Calvin gives Dad a mask so he can avoid tiger attacks. Calvin says he read in a book that tigers can't tell which way you're facing with the mask on.  Dad decides he'll take a chance and not look like a lunatic.  Calvin says if he'd rather look like raw hamburger, be his guest.  Dad asks Mom if they're out of aspirin again. 11,55

10/25/90 Calvin tells Hobbes he won't be pouncing on him anymore. He shows Hobbes his mask.  He tells Hobbes he's finally thwarted Hobbes' murderous recreation.  Calvin boasts that this will show Hobbes that people are smarter than animals.  Hobbes gets Calvin in his mouth.  Calvin complains that wasn't fair.  Hobbes didn't even sneak up. 11,56

10/26/90 Calvin is writing a report.  He writes "In the Middle Ages, lords and vassals lived in a futile system".  Hobbes looks at the paper and tells Calvin that's supposed to be "feudal" system.  Dejectedly, Calvin says just when he thought this junk was beginning to make sense. 11,56

10/27/90 Walking in the woods, Calvin tells Hobbes he can't believe how smart he is.  Calvin says he has more brains than he knows what to do with.  Hobbes says he's noticed, and walks along whistling.  Calvin catches on and starts chasing Hobbes. 11,56

10/28/90 Hobbes passes the football to Calvin. Calvin runs after it, and Hobbes runs past him. Calvin makes the catch, only to turn and have Hobbes tackle him. Hobbes picks up the fumble. He asks whose team he was on when he recovered the ball. Calvin tells him it doesn't matter. The game's called on account of sudden death. 11,57

10/29/90 Moe tells Calvin to give him the ball, or he'll punch Calvin's face in.  When Calvin does, Moe tells him that was a smart move, sissy boy.  Calvin walks off and says we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to find a cure for jerks. 11,58

10/30/90 Calvin looks into his lunch sack and tells it to open wide.  He tells it this might cause some discomfort, as he prepares to reach inside.  Calvin struggles with the bag, telling it to stop thrashing, he almost has it.  He pulls out an apple.  He says it's a good thing the bag had this removed.  Calvin notes the bad spots.  Susie has her head down next to her lunch thinking lunch shouldn't have to be like this. 11,58

10/31/90 Calvin shows Hobbes a picture and asks if he wouldn't say this was a great drawing.  He says his teacher didn't like it.  She said it wasn't "serious".  Calvin wonders who made Miss Wormwood the arbiter of aesthetics.  He claims the picture is a beautiful work of power and depth. Hobbes asks if it's a stegosaurus in a rocket ship.  Calvin says see, Hobbes understands it. 11,58

11/01/90 Calvin says on one hand, it's good to know images still have power in this age of visual bombardment from all media.  But on the other hand, the teacher's grading shows our society is culturally illiterate and many people can't tell good art from a hole in the ground. Calvin's drawing obviously challenges the know-nothing complacency of those who prefer safe, predigested, bucolic genre scenes.  Calvin figures his "C-" firmly establishes him on the cutting edge of the avant-garde.  Hobbes asks if he then has to wear silly clothes. 11,59

11/02/90 Calvin tells Hobbes the hard part for avant-garde artists is deciding whether or not to embrace commercialism.  Should their work be hyped and exploited by a market hungry for the next new thing?  Do they turn high art into low art so it's better suited for mass consumption? Calvin knows an artist doing that makes a mockery of his status as a free thinker.  He trades the integrity of his art for riches and fame.  Calvin says he'll do it. 11,59

11/03/90 Calvin drew another picture in his "dinosaurs in rocket ship" series, and Miss Wormwood threatened to give him a bad grade if he didn't stop.  Calvin protests the arts are under attack.  Freedom of expression is being squelched.  The authorities are trying to silence any view contrary to their own.  Hobbes asks what his teacher objects to about dinosaurs.  Calvin admits it's mostly his drawing them during math. 11,59

11/04/90 Calvin's dinner grabs his drink and splashes him with it. While Calvin coughs, the dinner jumps up from its plate and hits Calvin in the face. He chases and grabs the dinner. Mom sees him on the table, food in hand, with cups and bowls scattered on the table. Mom clenches her teeth in anger. Calvin places an emergency call to the local Navy recruitment office. 11,60

11/05/90 Standing for the school bus, Calvin comments on it being another gorgeous fall day.  He says it's a waste to go to school on a morning like this.  Hobbes asks what he would do if Calvin could stay home that morning.  Calvin tells him he'd sleep right through it. 11,61

11/06/90 Calvin sits at his desk reading a book.  Suddenly, Calvin falls backward off the chair.  He tumbles down, knocking the chair and desk over.  He tells the teacher it could've happened by accident. 11,61

11/07/90 Susie tells Calvin not to sit by her at lunch.  She doesn't want to hear any disgusting comments about lunch.  Calvin says he won't talk about lunch at all.  He tells Susie a riddle.  What's the difference between a garden slug and a two-inch-long living booger.  Susie runs off, while Calvin says he can't think of a difference either. 11,61

11/08/90 Moe tells Calvin to get off the swing.  Calvin tells him to wait his turn.  Moe punches Calvin.  Calvin, lying on the ground, says it's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning. 11,62

11/09/90 Calvin puts leaves in his lunch bag, then draws a face on it.  He puts his shoes and coat around the bag and sets the bag on the porch.  He yells that he's home, and Hobbes pounces on the lunch bag. After he comes inside, Mom looks at the bag and says there's no point in saving his lunch bag if he can't keep it any cleaner than that.  Calvin says that's what she thinks. 11,62

11/10/90 Tranquil Mt. Calvin blows sky high.  He's a live volcano. Molten lava sprays into the heavens.  Calvin is frantically drinking water at the dinner table.  Dad tells him he warned him the chili sauce was hot. Mom says he spewed it all across the table. 11,62

11/11/90 Calvin is yawning, making odd faces, frowning, making pucker faces, sticking his tongue out, sticking his finger in his nose, lifting the ends of his mouth, and pulling his face. Dad and Mom are looking at pictures. Dad says that's their son. Mom says these pictures will remind them of more than they want to remember. 11,63; 14,146

11/12/90 Calvin answers the phone.  The caller asks if Dad is there, and Calvin says no.  The caller asks for Calvin to write down his number and have Dad call.  Calvin tells the caller to hang on.  Calvin blows up a balloon, pops it, and yells he's been shot.  As he walks off, he says he hates taking messages. 11,64

11/13/90 Calvin asks Mom if they have a shoe box for a school project.  Mom gets him one.  Calvin is going to make a diorama.  They're studying different ecosystems, and Calvin's making a desert scene.  Calvin adds that he'll some glue and paper.  He's going to build a cactus and a roadrunner.  Mom asks when it's due.  Calvin tells her today, but Calvin told the teacher he wasn't quite finished. 11,64

11/14/90 Calvin complains to Hobbes that Mom had a conniption when she found out he hadn't started his diorama that was due today.  Calvin asks what the big deal is being one day late.  Lives don't hang in the balance.  The fate of the universe doesn't depend on his handing his desert scene on time.  Hobbes thinks that's keeping things in perspective.  Calvin adds that even if lives were in the balance, it would depend on whose they were. 11,64

11/15/90 Calvin figures he can't build a desert diorama if he doesn't know what a desert looks like.  He complains that Mom and Dad have never taken him to a desert for him to know this stuff.  Hobbes asks why he doesn't get out a book.  Calvin asks if he should go through all that trouble.  He says he's a busy guy.  He's got other things to do with his life besides this.  Hobbes says why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous.  Calvin says his TV show starts in 20 minutes.  He asks if Hobbes is going to help him or not. 11,65

11/16/90 Calvin asks Mom for some papier-mache.  Mom says they don't have any.  Calvin wonders how he's supposed to make a roadrunner without papier-mache.  Mom says he should have thought of that before 7:00 at night.  Calvin asks how he'll make one.  Mom tells him it's his project, he should do the work.  Calvin tells her that if he gets a bad grade, it will be her fault for not doing the work for him. 11,65

11/17/90 Calvin tells Hobbes he's almost finished with the diorama.  Hobbes says that didn't take too long.  Calvin replies that's because he's a genius.  Hobbes doesn't see the roadrunner.  He asks if Calvin wasn't going to put one in.  Calvin points out the cotton balls he glued down.  He says the roadrunner just ran out of the scene, leaving those clouds of dust. 11,65

11/18/90 The doctor asks what's wrong. The woman says her foot hurts. The doctor thinks that's a stupid problem. He suggests a lobotomy. The woman says no real doctor would say that. He asks who's wearing the stethoscope. He offers the reflex mallet for anesthesia. The woman says he doesn't know anything. The doctor offers a shot in the mouth. The woman says she knows more about medicine than him. She'll be the doctor now. She kicks him. Calvin says Susie is the doctor, but he's not going to be a patient of hers. Susie tells him good riddance. Calvin tells Hobbes the Surgeon General should issue a warning about playing with girls. Hobbes, with a smile, says he'd be Susie's patient. 11,67; 14,160

11/19/90 Hobbes is lying on the floor.  Calvin tells him that he's never had an obligation, an assignment, or a deadline in his life.  He says it must be nice not to have any responsibilities.  Hobbes looks up with a toothy smile.  Calvin tells him to wipe that insolent smirk off his face. Hobbes lies back down and thinks the real fun of living wisely is that you get to be smug about it. 11,66

11/20/90 Calvin complains about having to do homework.  He says it's too much work and wonders why he should bother.  Hobbes tells him "Until you stalk and overrun, you can't devour anyone".  Calvin can see why tiger aphorisms don't catch on. 11,66

11/21/90 Calvin says "Live for the moment" is his motto.  You never know how long you've got.  Calvin says you could step into the road and get hit by a cement truck.  You'd be sorry you put off your pleasures. Calvin asks Hobbes what his motto is.  Hobbes tells him "Look down the road". 11,66

11/22/90 In the bathtub, Calvin tells Hobbes he's decided he doesn't want to be famous.  He says any idiot can be famous.  He figures he's more the legendary type.  Hobbes dubiously agrees as Calvin makes soap suds bunny ears for himself.  Calvin adds that he didn't mean right this second. 11,68

11/23/90 Dad has rakes leaves into a pile.  Calvin asks if they can burn them.  Dad says that pollutes.  Calvin wonders how they'll appease the mighty snow demons if they don't sacrifice any leaves.  They'll have a warm winter.  Dad doesn't know whether Calvin's grasp of theology or meteorology is more appalling.  Calvin walks off saying he'll light some candles around the toboggan and beg for mercy. 11,68

11/24/90 Calvin asks Hobbes if he thinks tigers go to the same heaven people go to.  Calvin says in heaven, people are supposed to be happy.  But people couldn't be happy if they were always in danger of being eaten by tigers.  Calvin doesn't think heaven would be nice without tigers, either.  He wouldn't be happy without tigers.  He'd miss them.  Calvin wonders if maybe tigers just don't eat people in heaven.  Hobbes says but then they wouldn't be happy. 11,68

11/25/90 There are monsters under Calvin's bed. They tell Calvin there's a shiny toy for him under the bed. Come get it. Calvin says they just want him to come down so they can grab him with an oozing appendage, slowly paralyze him with some vile secretion, and devour him alive. He says forget it. As he turns to lie in bed, he tells Hobbes they are stupid monsters. All fangs and no brains. The monsters whisper to Hobbes that they'll give him some salmon if he pushes the kid over the bed. Hobbes asks if the salmon is fresh. They say it is. Calvin, horrified, yells for Hobbes not to listen to them. 11,69

11/26/90 Calvin tells Dad he'll guess any number Dad's thinking of.  He tells Dad to pick a number, and Dad does.  Calvin asks if it's 92,376,051.  Dad says it is.  Calvin is shocked.  He points at Dad and says wait a minute.  He wonders if Dad is just trying to get rid of him.  Dad says Calvin's psychic.  He tells Calvin to go show Mom. 11,70

11/27/90 Calvin tells Hobbes a lot of people don't have principles, but he does.  He's highly principled.  He says he lives by one principle, and he never deviates from it.  Hobbes asks what it is.  Calvin tells him "Look out for number one". 11,70; 14,147

11/28/90 Calvin complains to Mom that the sandwich she made him for lunch had the jelly soaking into the bread.  That grosses him out.  He tells Mom tomorrow he wants the jelly in a separate container with a knife so he can spread the jelly at the last moment before he eats the sandwich. He continues to complain Mom uses bread from the middle of the loaf.  He likes those for toast.  He wants end pieces for sandwiches, because they don't absorb as much jelly.  He asks if she's got that.  The next day, Calvin opens his lunch to see his sandwich is the same as before.  Calvin complains that she did it again. 11,70

11/29/90 Mom sees that Calvin has made his bed without being asked.  Hobbes comments that Mom is sure nice when Calvin helps her.  He says that's the reason he usually doesn't.  Calvin wants Mom to be impressed when he fulfills the least of his obligations. 11,71

11/30/90 Calvin is on the phone.  He tells someone to look out the window, it's snowing.  By morning, he bets there'll be tons of snow.  He asks if the person thinks the schools will close.  Calvin hears the answer and angrily says back "Well, same to you".  Climbing back in bed, Calvin asks Hobbes how a crabby guy like that got to be superintendent. 11,71

12/01/90 Covered with snow, Calvin tells Hobbes that was quite a ride.  Hobbes says he's never seen a sled catch fire before.  Calvin says they're lucky the pond hadn't frozen. 11,71

12/02/90 Calvin sees Susie. He wishes he had a snowball to smack her with. Hobbes says he bets Santa Claus heard that. Calvin remembers. Hobbes suggests Calvin apologize. Calvin does. Hobbes suggests he better say he likes Susie. Calvin says that's going too far. Hobbes says he better say he'd like to give her muchas smooches. Calvin starts to fight with Hobbes. Susie asks what he's doing. She doesn't know what's weirder, that he's fighting a stuffed animal, or that he seems to be losing. Susie leaves. Hobbes says after today, Santa will take a shovel to the reindeer stalls to fill Calvin's stocking. 11,72

12/03/90 Standing outside in his coat, hat, and gloves, Calvin is selling lemonade.  He's offering it for five dollars a glass.  Hobbes asks how sales are.  Calvin says they're terrible, and he doesn't understand it. Hobbes says it's cold out.  Calvin says his lemonade has "all-natural" refrigeration.  He asks if Hobbes wants to buy a glass.  Hobbes says all his savings is in bonds.  Calvin thinks maybe he should charge ten dollars a glass so he doesn't have to sell as much. 11,73

12/04/90 Calvin tells Dad that when he grows up, he's going to be the richest man alive.  He says he won't let wealth change him.  Dad says that was their last hope.  Calvin fumes.  He tells Dad he's going to be pretty lonely in the nursing home.  Dad says then maybe he can finish the book he's reading. 11,73

12/05/90 Calvin tells Hobbes a joke he just made up.  What do you get when you cross a cantaloupe with Lassie?  A melon-collie baby.  Calvin laughs, but Hobbes doesn't.  Calvin walks off saying Hobbes doesn't want to face the fact that Calvin will be the life of every party. 11,73

12/06/90 Calvin is sitting on the chair in the living room.  He takes his shoe off and dangles it over the edge of the chair.  He lets it go, and Hobbes reaches out and grabs it.  Calvin says you just can't ever be too careful. 11,74

12/07/90 Dad asks Mom if she's seen his glasses.  He can't find them.  Calvin comes out wearing Dad's glasses and has his hair slicked down.  Calvin puts his arms on his hips and tells Dad "Calvin, go do something you hate.  Being miserable builds character".  Mom falls off the chair laughing.  Dad tells her the voice was a little funny, but that's one darn sarcastic kid they're raising. 11,74

12/08/90 Hobbes crouches, then leaps into the air onto Calvin. Later, Calvin walks by Mom.  He's wearing a football helmet and has pillows tied in front and in back of himself.  Mom thinks those child psychology books they bought were such a waste of money. 11,74

12/09/90 For show-and-tell, Calvin has bone fragments he unearthed in his front yard. He says they look like ordinary driveway gravel, but he recognized them as part of a jawbone from a new species of carnosaur. He has an illustration of the Calvinosaurus as it would have appeared. He says he'll be publishing his full findings soon. He feels he'll be the recipient of many paleontology prizes. He says those students who were mean to him will suffer then. He says he'll employ his resources to make their puny lives miserable. He'll crush their pitiful dreams and ambitions like bugs in the dust. But he offers an alternative. He's accepting a limited number of applications to be his pal. It costs just $20 per person. Calvin sits in the principal's office. Calvin tells him to just wait. 11,75

12/10/90 Dad asks Calvin if he's watching a Christmas special. Calvin says yes.  Dad comments on another show extolling love and peace interrupted every seven minutes by commercials extolling greed and waste. Dad walks off saying he hates to think what Calvin's learning from this. Calvin says he's learning he needs his own TV so he can watch it someplace else. 11,77

12/11/90 Calvin tells Hobbes he's writing his Christmas list.  He asks if Hobbes wants him to add anything for him.  Hobbes can't think of anything.  Calvin is outraged.  Hobbes tells him he has a good home and a best friend.  He asks what more could a tiger want.  Calvin says it must be sad being a species with so little imagination. 11,77

12/12/90 Calvin thanks Hobbes for helping him mail his Christmas list.  He says big envelopes could only hold a couple hundred pages. That's why he used a box.  Hobbes hopes Santa doesn't throw out his back when he gets it.  Calvin says Santa better bring everything on his list. He says he's been extremely good all year.  Hobbes asks about the noodle incident.  Calvin yells that no one can prove he did that. 11,77

12/13/90 Calvin says this whole business of Santa rewarding good kids and neglecting kids bugs him.  He adds that he doesn't have anything to worry about.  Hobbes clears his throat, calling Calvin a paragon of virtue.  Calvin explains a good kid could do something that looks bad, if one didn't consider the mitigating circumstances.  Hobbes asks if he means like putting an incontinent toad in Mom's sweater drawer.  Calvin says if he was being raised in a better environment, he wouldn't do things like that. 11,78

12/14/90 Calvin thinks if Santa is going to judge his behavior over the past year, he ought to be entitled to legal representation.  A lot of Christmas loot is at stake.  The Constitution says no person should be deprived of property without due process of law.  Calvin says Hobbes can be his lawyer.  Calvin hands Hobbes a legal pad and says he's all set.  Hobbes informs Calvin he doesn't take pro bono cases. 11,78

12/15/90 Calvin says as his lawyer, Hobbes will have to review the facts of the case.  Hobbes says they'll try to establish Calvin was insane at the time of the alleged crimes.  Calvin doesn't want to cop a plea of insanity.  He says he's innocent.  Hobbes tells Calvin insulting his attorney is a penal offense.  Calvin tells him he's supposed to argue he deserves to be on Santa's "good" list.  Hobbes advises Calvin to settle out of court.  Calvin angrily says in a minute, they are going to settle this out of doors. 11,78

12/16/90 Calvin thinks nobody could be watching every kid every minute. He says Santa's old. He figures Santa makes just random checks on them once or twice a week. He tells Hobbes Santa would catch enough bad kids that way to scare everyone else into being good most of the time. Now that Calvin is on to Santa, he's going to smack Susie with a snowball. If he does it quick, the odds of Santa catching him are virtually nil. Hobbes asks what if Susie tells on him. He hadn't thought of that. He drops the snowball. He walks off with Hobbes saying he hopes Santa's watching now, seeing as he's being so good. Hobbes says he's unwillingly good, but good nonetheless. 11,76

12/17/90 Calvin tells Mom that he and Hobbes are off to the North Pole.  Mom asks why he's going there since he's sent his Christmas list already.  Calvin is afraid Santa hasn't considered Calvin's version of certain recent events.  Mom asks just how recent are these recent events he's talking about.  Calvin says it's a long walk, so he has to go. 11,79

12/18/90 Calvin maps out their strategy of telling Santa that Calvin has been the victim of malicious slanders by his enemies.  Calvin says they tell Santa Calvin is a good kid with a good heart.  Calvin notices Susie.  He starts to pack slushballs. 11,79

12/19/90 Calvin tells Hobbes Susie is concentrating on her snowman.  He wants to barrage her with slushballs.  Hobbes reminds him that two minutes ago, they were on their way to tell Santa how good Calvin was. Calvin looks at the slushballs on the ground.  He asks Hobbes how many presents he thought Calvin would forfeit for one clean smack upside Susie's head. 11,79

12/20/90 Hobbes says he won't be Calvin's lawyer if he can't walk a block without pasting someone with a slushball.  Calvin says it's not "someone".  It's Susie.  Santa would understand.  Susie hears Calvin behind the tree arguing with Hobbes.  She hears him say he's going to hit her with a big, icy slushball.  As Calvin continues to argue with Hobbes, Susie makes her own slushball.  Calvin tells Hobbes to hold it.  He asks if Hobbes heard a snicker.  Susie is standing right behind him with a slushball. 11,80

12/21/90 Susie smacks Calvin with her slushball.  Calvin is happy, because since she hit him first, it's justified.  Hobbes tells him it's a chance to show Santa how good he is.  Calvin, head covered in slush, says he doesn't want to be that good. 11,80

12/22/90 Calvin comes back in the house saying he proved how good he was.  He says Susie hit him with a snowball, and he didn't hit her back. He figures Santa has to give him lots of presents now.  Mom asks why Susie hit Calvin with a snowball.  Calvin says they were minding their own business when she attacked for no reason.  Hobbes tells Calvin that since he lied, if he does something good fast, the last hour will even out to neutral.  Calvin laments that he won't make it three more days. 11,80

12/23/90 Going down the hill on the sled, Calvin says he's getting nervous about Christmas. He wonders what Santa's definition of good and bad are. He says he hasn't killed anybody, so that's good. He hasn't committed any felonies, start any wars, or practiced cannibalism. He thinks that should get lots of presents. Hobbes suggests maybe good is more than the absence of bad. That's what worries Calvin. He asks Hobbes that if he can get an overnight letter to the North Pole, what would Hobbes charge to write him a glowing character reference. Hobbes says he won't perjure himself for Calvin. His record's clean. 11,81

12/24/90 Mom and Dad are sitting on the sofa.  Dad says the shopping is done, presents are wrapped, and Calvin is in bed.  Dad says sometime the season seems out of control.  They don't always think about what it's all supposed to mean.  Mom says it's good to sit by a cozy fire and take some quiet time to reflect.  Calvin walks up with a fire extinguisher.  He asks if this is Santa flambe. 11,82

12/25/90 Calvin and Hobbes wish each other a Merry Christmas. Calvin says he didn't get Hobbes a gift, but he says Hobbes is Calvin's best friend in the world.  Hobbes says Calvin is his best friend, and that's a great gift.  Calvin hops out of bed saying it's almost 4 am.  He wants to wake Mom and Dad and see what Santa brought them.  Hobbes reminds Calvin they agreed that if Calvin got any salmon, he'd share it. 11,82

12/26/90 Calvin writes a thank you note to his Grandma for the crayons she sent.  Calvin tells Hobbes he always sends Grandma a thank-you note right away.  Calvin has done that ever since she sent an empty box with a sarcastic note saying she was checking to see if the Postal Service was still working. 11,82

12/27/90 Dad turns off the TV and tells Calvin to play outside. Calvin doesn't want to.  Grumpily, he goes outside.  He starts to build a snow man.  He places it by the window looking in at Dad.  Twigs are placed for hands to have the snow man thumbing his ears at Dad. 11,83

12/28/90 Calvin shouts out that he's invincible behind the walls of his snow fort.  He says no one dares to attack him.  Everyone is too chicken.  He ducks behind the wall.  He waits.  Nothing happens.  He comes out and yells that he's outside his fort now. 11,83

12/29/90 Calvin complains to Dad that it's so cold he can see his breath. Dad says the thermostat is staying where it is. Calvin is surprised water pipes haven't frozen. He says his lips are blue, he's catching pneumonia and is going into hypothermia. Dad suggests that if he's cold, why doesn't he shovel the driveway to get his blood moving. Later, Dad compliments Calvin on his sweater. 11,83

12/30/90 Calvin tells Hobbes he's getting disillusioned with these New Years. He says they don't seem new at all. Each new year is just like the old year. Another year's gone by, and everything is still the same. There's still pollution, war, stupidity, and greed. Things haven't changed. He asks what kind of future this is. He thought things were supposed to improve. He thought the future was supposed to be better. Hobbes says the problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present. 11,84; 17,54-55

12/31/90 Calvin stands next to a snowman lying on the ground. Calvin says that by the power invested in him by the mighty and awful snow demons, he commands the snowman to come to life. He tells the snowman to live! The snowman rises up. Calvin runs off, with the snowman in hot pursuit. 11,85

1991

01/01/91 Calvin runs inside, gasping for air. Calvin tells Mom he built the snowman, but then he brought it to life. Now, the snowman is after Calvin. Calvin tells Mom to look out the window. Mom looks and sees the snowman on the front step. She asks how they'll get out the door. Horrified, Calvin says he's looking in and now knows where he lives. 11,85

01/02/91 Calvin and Hobbes hide behind a tree. Calvin didn't know the snowman he brought to life would be evil. He knows they have to get rid of it. Hobbes suggests luring him inside so he'd melt. Calvin rejects that idea. It would take hours, it might kill Mom, and if it didn't, Mom would have a fit about the water on the floor. Hobbes asks how they finally killed "Frosty". Calvin wishes he'd watched that show. He suggests maybe they stabbed him with an icicle. 11,85

01/03/91 Hiding behind a tree, Calvin and Hobbes attack the snowman with snowballs. They stick to the snowman. That gives the snowman an idea. He starts packing more snow onto himself, making himself bigger. 11,86

01/04/91 The snowman packs more snow onto himself. It makes a big snowball and puts rocks and sticks onto it. The snowman has given himself another head. Hobbes says anytime the sun wants to come out is alright with him. Calvin notices the snowman has added another arm. It's turned itself into a deranged mutant killer monster snow goon. 11,86

01/05/91 The snow goon goes to the front yard. Calvin and Hobbes cut around the house to build a snow fort. Calvin doesn't know what the snow goon is going to do, but he knows they're going to need protection. Dad tells Calvin the snowman out front is hideous. He asks why Calvin can't build a normal one. Calvin replies that he tried. 11,86

01/06/91 Calvin builds a snowman on the porch. He puts his coat and hat on the snowman. He yells that he's home and hides next to the porch. Hobbes opens the door, sees the snowman, then asks why Calvin is on the ground without his coat. He says no reason. Calvin puts his coat and hat back on, kicks the snowman off the porch, starts to open the door, and Hobbes pounces on him. 11,91

01/07/91 Calvin and Hobbes are building their snow fort. The snow goon makes another snow goon. Calvin, in their snow fort, says they're safe now. Hobbes wonders why they haven't seen him for awhile. 11,87

01/08/91 Susie comments on Calvin's snow fort. Calvin tells her the walls are two feet thick and they have fifty snowballs. Susie wonders who he's fighting. Calvin tells her there's a snow goon running loose. Susie asks what a snow goon is. Calvin explains it's like a snowman, but it's an evil, grotesque, demented monster. She asks if that's what all those ugly things in the yard are. Calvin asks what she means by "all those". 11,87

01/09/91 There's a new snow goon, but it's not one Calvin made. He says the original snow goon must be making his own. Calvin fears he's making a snow goon army. He speculates how many there would be if the original made a hundred snow goons, then each of them makes their own goons. Calvin thinks that would be cool, if they weren't out to kill him. Hobbes suggests making tracks for Florida. 11,87

01/10/91 Mom yells for Calvin to come inside, it's late. Calvin replies that he has to stay to kill snow goons. Mom says he can kill them after school tomorrow. Calvin warns there will be more of them then. Mom tells Calvin to come in. As he heads to the house, Calvin says that Moms and reason are like oil and water. 11,88

01/11/91 In bed, Calvin asks Hobbes if he sees any snow goons outside. He says they're still making more. There are about fifteen now. Calvin doesn't think he'll even make it to the bus stop tomorrow. He is sure the snow goons will catch him. Mom kisses Calvin good night. Calvin asks her if he can bring an ax to school tomorrow....for show and tell. 11,88

01/12/91 At night, Calvin looks out his window to see the snow goons aren't moving. They're asleep. Calvin thinks this will be their best chance to bump them off. Hobbes says they can't go out now, it's 10:00 at night. Calvin says Mom and Dad will still be up. They'll have to wait at least an hour. 11,88

01/13/91 Calvin wonders why he dreams when he sleeps. He asks Hobbes if their brains get bored. He wonders why they don't just sleep. Hobbes thinks they dream so they don't have to be apart so long. If they are in each other's dreams, they can play all night. Calvin thinks that sounds right. Calvin says he'll see Hobbes in his dreams in a few minutes. Hobbes says he'll be there. They roll over to sleep. They're asleep with smiles on their faces. 11,93; 14,149

01/14/91 Calvin and Hobbes quietly come down the stairs, saying "Shh" to each other. They get dressed to go outside, saying "Shh" to each other. They leave the house, saying "Shh" to each other. Mom and Dad are startled awake by Calvin yelling for the snow goon to die. 11,89

01/15/91 Calvin is spraying water over the snow goons. He says he'll freeze them where they snooze. He walks through the yard spraying water all over. He covers all the snow goons, then sprays some more water around to be sure everything's frozen. Hobbes notices Mom and Dad's light is on. He tells Calvin that he thinks Dad is coming. Calvin wonders if he should spray Dad, also. 11,89

01/16/91 Mom and Dad get out of bed. Mom sees Calvin outside with the garden hose. Dad runs outside yelling for Calvin to come inside. He slips on the ice created by Calvin's watering and slides across the yard. Calvin runs off with Hobbes while being chased by Dad, who is covered with snow. Calvin yells that Dad is a snow goon, too. 11,89

01/17/91 Dad carries Calvin into the house. Calvin says he can explain. He tells Mom that he had to freeze the snow goons or they would have gotten him. Dad tells Calvin it's after midnight. He says they'll discuss it very thoroughly tomorrow. He sends Calvin to bed. Wide-eyed, Calvin tells Hobbes he's not going to get any sleep now. 11,90

01/18/91 Calvin explains to Mom and Dad how the snow goons were building an army. He asks if they see. He explains he had to freeze them while they were sleeping. He asks if they see. He says it all makes sense. He asks if they see. Mom and Dad just look at Calvin. Sitting on his bed, Calvin tells Hobbes they never see. 11,90

01/19/91 As the snow goons melt, Calvin tells Hobbes there's a moral to all this. He says "snow goons are bad news". Hobbes says that lesson certainly ought to be inapplicable elsewhere in life. Calvin tells him he likes maxims that don't encourage behavior modification. 11,90

01/20/91 Spaceman Spiff crashes on Planet Plootarg. He sets off in search of a service station. He sees the Zarches have followed him to the planet's surface to finish him off. The planet's soft, granular ground makes him easy to track. He runs backwards, so his tracks show him going the opposite direction. By continuing past a hiding place and doubling back, Spiff fools the aliens. Calvin, up in a tree, looks down at Mom and Dad. They're yelling that it's time to go in. Dad says he knows Calvin went this way, and that they'll find him. 11,95

01/21/91 There is a snowman with a hole shot in him from a cannon behind. There is a snowman with a shovel, looking at the ground where the head of another snowman lies. Calvin has another snowman on a chair with a noose around its neck. Looking out the kitchen window, Dad tells Mom that she has to admit it's slowed down the traffic on their road. 11,92

01/22/91 Calvin has shoveled the front steps of the house. He has also shoveled a meandering path around the yard, going around trees, before heading toward the driveway. Dad, standing on the steps wanting to get to the car in the driveway, yells at Calvin for not just shoveling the sidewalk over to the driveway. 11,92

01/23/91 Calvin is walking in the snow, clearing a path. He jumps over to start another path. He starts still another. Hobbes asks if he's had any luck. Calvin says he's so disappointed. In the snow, Calvin has made a message to jet pilots to do a barrel roll. 11,92

01/24/91 WHAP! Susie gets hit in the back of the head with a snowball. She angrily asks Calvin if he threw that. Calvin points to himself and asks "Who, me". Calvin lies in the snow. At home, he stands in front of a mirror practicing saying "Who, me" to sound more convincing next time. 11,94

01/25/91 Calvin and Hobbes sit on the toboggan at the top of the hill. Calvin speculates that if they go fast enough and pull up just as they hit the rocks, they might clear the ravine and have the ride of their lives. He goes on to say if they miss, they'll spend their remaining days hooked up to machines and intravenous fluids. He raises his fist and says it's either spectacular, unbelievable success, or crushing, hopeless defeat. There is no middle ground. Later, inside the house, Hobbes is lying in front of the fireplace reading a comic book. Calvin walks up to him and admits there is a middle ground, but it's for sissy weasels. 11,94

01/26/91 Calvin throws a snowball. Hobbes walks over to Calvin while brushing off snow from his shoulder. Calvin looks worried. Hobbes puts Calvin on the ground. Calvin is stuck, rolled up in the middle of a big snowball. 11,94

01/27/91 Calvin and Hobbes are on the sled at the top of Mount Maim. Calvin says he likes to experience life to the fullest. He likes to stare death in the eye and make him blink. He looks back at Hobbes and asks him if he thinks he's right. Hobbes tells him real living is sitting by a fire, slurping marshmallows from the bottom of a mug of hot cocoa. They sit on the sled. Next, we see them sitting by the fireplace, slurping from their mugs of cocoa. 11,98

01/28/91 Calvin is still in bed when Mom tells him to get up or he'll be late for school. Calvin sits up and informs Mom that his spirit is going to school while his body stays in bed. Later, Calvin is tossed out the door. Standing on the corner, Calvin grumpily says now his spirit is in bed. 11,96

01/29/91 Calvin and Hobbes are playing checkers. Hobbes jumps several of Calvin's pieces and wins. Calvin informs Hobbes he has only won the outward manifestation of the game. His spirit is still unvanquished. Hobbes tells him he's lost 165 straight games. Calvin tells Hobbes his spirit is kicking the spirit of Hobbes' checkers clear across the room. 11,96

01/30/91 Miss Wormwood asks if Calvin would like to summarize what they read in class. Calvin declines, saying he's here against his will. He refuses to cooperate. He shakes his fist and says they can transport his body to school, but they can't chain his spirit. Walls can't confine it, laws can't restrain it, authority has no power over it. Miss Wormwood tells Calvin that if he put half the energy into his protests into his schoolwork... Calvin interrupts her by saying she can try to leave a message, but his spirit screens its calls. 11,96

01/31/91 Dad tells Calvin it's time for bed. Calvin tells him he can put his body to bed, but his spirit's going to stay playing. He asks Dad why he shouldn't just stay up. Dad explains that the body is the home of the spirit, and if he's not in bed in two minutes, his spirit is going to be permanently nomadic. Calvin, in bed, says "home sweet home". 11,97

02/01/91 Standing on the corner, waiting for the school bus, Calvin tells Hobbes there ought to be a law against having school on days there is enough snow to play in. Calvin goes on to say he doesn't think there should be school in the fall, either. Summer's out already, then there is spring. Calvin guesses he'd go to school a day in November and a day in March. Hobbes says that by second grade, he'd be packing his lunch box with denture cleaners. Calvin finishes the thought by saying before he got to third grade, he could retire. 11,97

02/02/91 In the bathtub, Calvin plays with a toy ship. He says the ship is going full speed through the dangerous strait. He gets out of the tub and runs out of the bathroom. He comes back with something in his hand. Later, Mom is horrified to see that Calvin has poured ink in the bath water. Calvin tells her the oil tanker crashed. 11,97

02/03/91 Calvin's world suddenly has no hue, value, or chroma. He asks if the photoreceptors in his eyes have stopped working, or has the fundamental nature of light changed. Perhaps something has caused electromagnetic radiation to defy separation into a spectrum. As he walks, he wonders if objects no longer reflect certain wavelengths. Whatever the case, it's clear to Calvin that there's no point in discussing things with Dad. Dad tells Calvin that his problem is, Calvin sees everything in terms of black and white. Calvin angrily replies sometimes that's the way things are. 11,100; 14,148; 17,56-57

02/04/91 Calvin shows Hobbes a bird foot he made. He tells Hobbes he's going to press it in the snow and make everyone think a two ton chickadee walked by. Hobbes suggests time weighs more heavily on some people's hands than others'. As Calvin presses the bird foot into the snow, he says Hobbes is just jealous because he accomplishes so much more than Hobbes. 11,99

02/05/91 Calvin tells Dad he has a better idea for shoveling the driveway. He'll pack the snow into a big ramp. Then Dad can rev up the car, throw out the clutch, and leave a patch of molten rubber in the garage, then zoom up the ramp. Calvin will have barrels down the driveway to see how many Dad can clear. He thinks that would be great. Apparently, Dad doesn't. Calvin walks through the snow, shovel over his shoulder, not knowing why some people even have cars. 11,99

02/06/91 Calvin is lying inside the mouth of a snow snake. Susie is walking by. Calvin tells her about the horrible inner teeth pulling him into the snake's frigid gullet. He tells Susie to run for her life. Susie walks away saying she, at least, has a life...unlike some weirdos she knows. Later, Calvin stands next to the snow snake saying that if he had two x chromosomes, he'd feel hostile, too. 11,99

02/07/91 Dad pulls the car into the driveway to see several snowmen standing in the yard near the driveway. The snowmen are carrying signs saying "Later bedtimes, fewer baths", "Egad, bad Dad", "Calvin's Dad unfair", and "Too strict". Dad says no one else at the office talks about this kind of thing. 11,101

02/08/91 Calvin tells Hobbes he likes to sled down hills, but he hates having to climb back up. He says it's too boring and slow. Calvin suggests he sit on the sled and have Hobbes pull him up the hill. Hobbes would run as fast as he could, zigzagging around trees. Hobbes walks off, leaving Calvin to lament not even his friends do what he wants. 11,101

02/09/91 Calvin is making something in the snow. It looks like a raised zigzag pattern. Mom and Dad look out from the window at Calvin, saying he's been working on it since early that morning. They can't tell what it is. From the window, it doesn't look like anything. From above, we see that Calvin has been making an image of a monster getting ready to bite down on the house. 11,101

02/10/91 In rhyme, Calvin is lying in the snow, making an angel. He sees a UFO. The aliens snag Calvin with a hook on his overcoat and hoist him aboard. He tries to fight away, but it's no use. The tie him up and wired his cranium to a suction cup. Current courses across his cerebellum, coaxing things from his brain tissue he wouldn't tell them. All the math he ever learned were removed in this operation. Calvin tells Miss Wormwood his escape was an adventure, but suffice to say, he cannot add, so she should ask some other kid. 11,102

02/11/91 Calvin prepares a snowball to throw at Susie. He tells Hobbes to watch him knock her fillings loose. Calvin throws the snowball. PIFF! It falls a couple feet away. They look at the fallen snowball. Calvin tells Hobbes he thought earth’s gravity felt exceptionally strong today. Hobbes figures that explains why Calvin spilled his oatmeal down the heater that morning. 11,103

02/12/91 Calvin and Hobbes are still looking at the snowball. Calvin says he can't throw snowballs at Susie if the earth’s gravity has increased. Calvin says "This is a job for..." and runs off. Hobbes stands puzzled. Hobbes goes back inside the house to see Calvin rummaging through his dresser drawers. He has his Stupendous Man cowl on. As he tosses clothes aside, he says Mom must have put his cape in the wrong drawer. 11,103

02/13/91 Hobbes asks Calvin who this is a job for. Calvin replies "Stupendous Man". Calvin struggles with his pants. Hobbes asks if super heroes wear snow pants. Calvin angrily replies they do when there's snow out. Calvin is on his back, trying to get his pants on. Hobbes looks down on him and says this looks like a real job for Stupendous Man. Calvin tells Hobbes of course the zipper's going to get stuck if everyone stands around watching him. 11,103

02/14/91 Earth’s excessive gravity is no match for Stupendous Man's strength. The masked man of might makes a gigantic snowball, flies high into the stratosphere, where he uses his stupendous vision to locate the diabolical arch-fiend, Annoying Girl. Susie is walking down the sidewalk. 11,104

02/15/91 Stupendous Man drops the snowball, taking advantage of earth’s strong gravity. Susie lies on the sidewalk, covered with the snowball. Stupendous Man, sitting on a tree branch above, triumphs. He zooms back to resume his secret identity. Entering the bedroom, Hobbes asks Calvin if he saved the day. Calvin tells him justice reigns once more. From downstairs, one of Calvin's parents yells up that Susie's Mom just called. Calvin is going to be talked to. 11,104

02/16/91 Mom is talking to Calvin. She says Susie's mom said Calvin dropped a snowball the size of a bowling ball on Susie from a tree. Calvin says it couldn't have been him. He's mild-mannered. Mom crosses her arms and says Susie's mom described the hood and cape she made for Calvin. Calvin says it must have been Stupendous Man, and that Susie probably deserved whatever she got. Mom tells him he could hurt someone that way, and that if she ever hears of anything like this again, she'll take away his costume for good. Hobbes says this sounds like another job for Stupendous Man. Calvin says it actually doesn't sound like quite his type of job. 11,104

02/17/91 Riding on their toboggan, Calvin tells Hobbes he watched a nature program on TV last night. Then, he asked Dad if life was nothing more than trying to survive long enough to reproduce before you became food for something else. Hobbes asks what Dad said. Calvin replies Dad looked at him a minute, then said he didn't know about the rest of it, but thought the importance of reproducing was greatly overrated. They slide along, then Calvin says he's noticed in those programs how young males often leave the herd at an early age. Hobbes replies that he thinks it's good that everyone becomes food. 11,105

02/18/91 Calvin asks Dad how soldiers killing each other solves the world's problems. Dad sits there looking. He keeps sitting and looking. Calvin walks off saying he thinks grown-ups just act like they know what they're doing. 11,106

02/19/91 Mom asks how Calvin's day went. Calvin tells her he got stuck in his snow pants. He says the zipper got covered with ice, he tried to force it, but his mitten got caught. He then tried to take his snow pants off, but he hadn't taken his boots off first. Then the pants got twisted, he fell over, and the teacher had to call two custodians to get him out. He tells Mom he wants to wear them again tomorrow. 11,106

02/20/91 Calvin has some modeling clay. Hobbes asks what he's making. Calvin replies it's a hoof. He tells Hobbes it's going to be a life-size equestrian statue of him. Hobbes asks if it will be a new horseman of the apocalypse. Calvin is sure he's going to need more clay. 11,106

02/21/91 Calvin is in front of the class, preparing to read his essay "After School At My House". He starts reading about not minding being chained in the basement, but when the meat is thrown down, the rats outnumber him. Miss Wormwood stops him. That evening, Calvin hands Mom a note to attend another parent-teacher conference. Calvin tells Mom he told Miss Wormwood to expect Mom to deny everything. 11,108

02/22/91 Hobbes is sleeping in front of the fireplace. Suddenly, the wood in the fireplace pops. Hobbes is startled. He spins around, snarling and scratching. Hobbes angrily looks back at the fireplace. Calvin, lying on the sofa reading a book, says that's why he's way over there. 11,108

02/23/91 In bed, Calvin yells for Mom. He tells her Hobbes wants a second good night kiss. Mom complains that it's two in the morning. Calvin says the first kiss didn't take. After she leaves, Hobbes grumpily thinks that kiss didn't take, either. Calvin tells him to go to sleep. 11,108

02/24/91 Calvin says that he's devoting himself to the cultivation of interpersonal relationships. He tells Hobbes no man is an island. They all need love and the support of others. As of today, his goal is to be at one with his fellow man. As he says he's going to develop and foster deep connections, he tells Hobbes to wait a minute. He makes a snowball and hits Susie with it. She chases him. Later, Calvin is head-first in the snow. He tells Hobbes he's changed his mind. People are scum. Hobbes thinks true happiness can only be found in the wanton indulgence of animals. 11,107

02/25/91 Mom sees a night stand dumped over with a broken lamp. She yells "Who did this". In his office, Tracer Bullet hears Mom's yell. He knows he has a case. He says the sound of greenbacks slapping across his palms is music to his ears. He's not an opera critic, he's a private eye. 11,110; 14,132

02/26/91 Tracer Bullet keeps two magnums in his desk. One is a gun he keeps loaded, the other a bottle that keeps him loaded. He's a tough guy who people don't want around when they work. They've told him so with blunt instruments. He's a phrenologist's dream come true. Snooping pays the bills, though. Especially Bill, his bookie, and Bill, his probation officer. When the tall brunette opened the door with a case for him (Mom coming into his bedroom fuming), his heart did some calisthenics and took the job. 11,110; 14,132

02/27/91 Tracer says the dame had a case. She was the pushy type. She'd break your heart, or your arms. Mom scoots Calvin to the broken lamp. Tracer looks at the damage and figures she either has a psychotic decorator or someone ransacked the place in a big hurry. Mom asks how Calvin can explain the damage. Calvin thinks the dame was hysterical. They usually are. 11,110; 14,133

02/28/91 Mom asks Calvin what he has to say for himself. Calvin tells Mom he's looking for clues. Tracer realizes it's all a set up. The dame wanted a patsy to pin the crime on. Calvin thinks he doesn't like the way this story is shaping up, so he's decided to write a new ending with his .45 automatic as coauthor. 11,111; 14,133

03/01/91 Tracer introduces the dame to his friend, his gun. His friend is an eloquent speaker. Tracer fires three times, and he leaves the room. Mom has three suction darts on the wall behind her. She rolls up her sleeves. She tells Calvin he's in real trouble now. Calvin runs off. 11,111; 14,134

03/02/91 Tracer says he just about had it figured out when the dame's hired goon jumped out. Dad lectures Calvin while Calvin thinks a symphony was playing in his head, and the acoustics were terrible. The orchestra went on a tour of his brain, and he had a season pass with front row tickets. He had figured out who trashed the living room, but since the dame wasn't his client anymore, he didn't feel he needed to divulge the information. The culprit happened to be a buddy of his, so he closed the case. Hobbes guesses they should have played outside. 11,111; 14,134

03/03/91 Spaceman Spiff cruises over the desolate dunes of an uncharted planet. There is no vegetation. Millions of years of harsh exposure without an atmosphere has swept the surface clean. Crossing a rift, the rocks abruptly change color. A huge mountain rises out of the plain. Our hero pulls up. Spiff discovers it's not a mountain at all. The whole landscape is bedding for a horrendous monster. Dad sleepily looks to see what time it is. Calvin, next to Dad in bed, says the creature appears hostile. Our hero readies a hydro bomb. Calvin has a glass of water poised to douse Dad. 11,109

03/04/91 Calvin approaches Mom, who's sitting on the chair. He's wearing his helmet and cape. Mom asks what's up today. Calvin replies "Nothing so far". When Mom asks what he means by so far, Calvin tells her something could happen today. As he walks away, he adds that if something does happen, he's going to be ready for it. Mom says she needs a suit like that. 11,112

03/05/91 Calvin tells Dad he just saw a commercial about a luxury cruise. He asks Dad why they don't take vacations like that. Dad explains vacations are a matter of comparison. He says that they spend weeks in uncomfortable tents so that living in their home seems like a luxury cruise. If his trips are unpleasant, his whole life is a vacation. Calvin goes to see Mom. He clenches his fists together and begs Mom to tell him he's adopted. 11,112

03/06/91 Calvin tells Hobbes he doesn't believe math is a science, but is a religion. Calvin explains the equations are like miracles. You take two numbers, add them together, and you make one new number. No one can say how it happens. You either believe it or you don't. Calvin points to his book and says it's full of things you have to accept on faith. It's a religion. Hobbes says since it's in the public school, no less, Calvin should call a lawyer. Calvin says as a math atheist, he should be excused from this. 11,112

03/07/91 Hobbes cheerfully tells Calvin a cheetah can run over 60 miles per hour. He says a human can hardly do a quarter of that. Calvin replies that humans don't need to be that fast because they're smarter. Calvin goes on to ask Hobbes why cats don't have cars, or rockets, or bombs. He stops. Hobbes happily continues by saying cats see six times better than humans. Calvin grumpily kicks a rock. 11,113

03/08/91 Calvin is walking along when he suddenly looks back, horrified. He runs as fast as he can. Hobbes is in the air, ready to pounce on Calvin. Afterward, Hobbes brushes dust off his fur complaining the thrill of the chase is so diminished when one's prey has little legs. Calvin, lying upside down on the ground, says that he's real sorry. 11,113

03/09/91 Calvin and Hobbes are playing Monopoly. Hobbes lands on Chance. Hobbes reads "Defraud the bank. Computer scam diverts assets to your account. Collect $5000". Hobbes thinks he'll buy a few dozen hotels. Calvin tells him to wait until he lands on Chance. Calvin says Monopoly is more fun when you make your own Chance cards. 11,113

03/10/91 Calvin walks by the stream. He looks at the waterfall. It's now raining. A fire truck pulls up, and the fireman sprays Calvin with the water hose. Calvin is rolling on giant water waves. Calvin wakes up with a start. He runs into the bathroom. 11,114

03/11/91 Calvin has a paddle-ball toy. He hits the ball a few times, then stops. The ball hangs down on the rubber band. He says he resents the manufacturer's implicit assumption that this would amuse him. 11,115

03/12/91 Calvin walks into the bathroom where Dad is, saying Hobbes told Calvin tigers were more perfectly evolved than humans. As Calvin opens the door, he says Hobbes told him that if there were no guns, people would be cat food. He asks Dad to tell Hobbes it isn't true. Dad is standing with his pajama bottoms, no top, toothbrush in mouth, with toothpaste foaming out. Calvin grudgingly pays Hobbes off for the bet they had made. 11,115

03/13/91 At the dinner table, Calvin belches. He applauds himself, saying "Author! Encore!". Mom and Dad glare at Calvin. Sitting on his bed, Calvin calls his parents Philistines. 11,115

03/14/91 Mom is sitting at the table, reading a paper. Calvin comes in and tells her that he isn't going to school. He informs her that he's staying at home and watching television all day. Later, sitting at his school desk, Calvin says he was apparently misinformed. 11,116

03/15/91 For show and tell, Calvin has one of his patent pending inventions. It's an invisible cretinizer. One shot renders the victim a babbling simp, a dolt, an utter moron. From the back of the room, one of the kids yells for Calvin to give them a break. Calvin continues by saying as Ronald proves, it's quite effective, even at long range. 11,116

03/16/91 Calvin is digging a hole, when Hobbes asks if he's found any dinosaur bones yet. Calvin says nope. He wishes they lived in the badlands of Montana. He says it's easier there, because erosion often exposes the bones. Calvin starts digging again, while saying here, you start digging and hope for the best. From above, we see Calvin has dug several holes in the yard. Hobbes asks if that's why he's using the systematic approach. Calvin says yes. He guesses he'll have to move a sapling. 11,116

03/17/91 Calvin is thirsty. He gets out of bed to go for a drink. He hears a thump. He sees eyes glowing in the dark. He runs down the stairs, yelling for help. He yells that he feels its terrible fangs. He crashes. Mom and Dad wake up and check on Calvin. They turn on the light. Dad says he was sleepwalking again. Mom tells him to go back to bed. He had a nightmare. Calvin looks to see he has Hobbes in his hands. Back in bed, Calvin tells Hobbes it's creepy having a friend whose eyes glow in the dark. Hobbes says it's so they can see people sneaking out of bed to fix a snack without making arrangements to share. 11,117

03/18/91 Calvin walks by Mom. Mom comments on how nice and neat he looks. Calvin says he believes in the importance of good grooming. He says he better get in the tub if he wants to be in bed on time. Mom is stunned. She yells after him "Just what are you up to". 11,118; 14,152

03/19/91 Mom looks in the bathroom. She heard Calvin splashing in the tub, but there's no water on the floor. His towel is hung to dry. The toothpaste cap is on. There's no mess. Mom sees Calvin is in bed. He asks her to look over his homework tonight, so he can correct any mistakes in the morning before school. He thanks her. Later, she reads from a Child Psychology book. 11,118; 14,153

03/20/91 Calvin wishes Mom a good morning. She is shocked to see him up and dressed. She hadn't called him. Calvin says he likes to get up early so the morning isn't rushed. With the extra time, he can review his assignments and be better prepared for class. Mom says she's bracing herself for when the other shoe drops. Calvin tells her not to get up. He'll fix his own breakfast. He asks if they have any prunes. 11,118; 14,153

03/21/91 Calvin says he's made his bed and put his breakfast dishes away. He's off to school. Mom wishes him a good day. Calvin tells her thanks. He says he'll study hard. A good education is invaluable. Mom stands by the door, puzzled. Under his bed, Calvin tells Hobbes this is working out great. Hobbes can't believe Mom thinks that's Calvin. 11,119; 14,154

03/22/91 Calvin tells Hobbes he's perfected his duplicator this time. He says he added an ethicator. Now, instead of a complete duplicate of him, he's made a duplicate of just his good side. The good side duplicate does all the work, and Calvin gets all the credit. At school, the good Calvin raises his hand that he knows the answer. Miss Wormwood pats his head and says since he's gotten so many, he should let someone else try one. 11,119; 14,154

03/23/91 Hobbes reminds Calvin the last time he made a duplicate of himself, the duplicates made duplicates. It was a mess. Calvin agrees, but he says with the ethicator, it can't happen this time. By only duplicating his good side, he's ensured this duplicate won't cause any trouble. He tells Hobbes there's nothing this duplicate likes better than making everyone's life easier. He lives for it. Hobbes thinks the ethicator must've done some deep digging to unearth him. 11,119; 14,155

03/24/91 There is a paw. Calvin sits in the distance, reading a comic book. There is the top of a tiger's back. Calvin is closer, still reading. There is a top view of a tiger's body. Calvin is closer, still reading. A tiger is crouching. Calvin turns around to see Hobbes with fangs bared. Calvin is horrified, and he yells. He clutches Mom's shoulder, while she tells Dad the comic books he reads are too grim. Dad says to look at Calvin twitch. Hobbes is on the floor beneath them. 11,123

03/25/91 Calvin tells his duplicate that when he's done putting his toys away, he can get to work on Calvin's math assignment. Calvin says they get to do whatever they want, while goody-two-shoes does all the work. He doesn't even complain. The duplicate says "Virtue is its own reward". Reading his comic, Calvin says he doesn't complain, but his self-righteousness gets on his nerves. 11,120; 14,155

03/26/91 The duplicate asks Susie if he can carry her books. She asks if he's going to throw them into a puddle. The duplicate says he wouldn't do that. Susie says he'd probably do something worse. She says he's not going to touch her books. The duplicate informs her that strictly speaking, he's not Calvin. He's the physical manifestation of Calvin's good side. Susie says if that was true, he'd be a lot smaller. The duplicate says he's heard that joke a lot. 11,120; 14,156

03/27/91 The duplicate tells Calvin the nice girl down the street thinks Calvin is a total jerk. The duplicate says he offered to carry her books. Calvin can't believe it. The duplicate says she doesn't trust Calvin at all. Calvin grabs the duplicate and asks if anyone saw him. Calvin says they'll think it was him. Calvin asks if he wants to make it look like Calvin likes her. The duplicate says she seemed so upset, he took her some flowers he picked. Calvin is shocked. 11,120; 14,156

03/28/91 Hobbes tells Calvin he hears he's pretty smooth with the ladies. Calvin tells him to knock it off. He says it's the duplicate. Calvin says he doesn't mind if the duplicate cleans his room and gets good grades. He draws the line at being nice to Susie. He asks Hobbes if the duplicate can't tell she's a girl. Hobbes informs him the duplicate has figured that out. He says he saw him cutting hearts out of construction paper. The duplicate writes "...and who could make my heart feel woozy? Only thou, my fair sweet Susie". 11,121; 14,157

03/29/91 Calvin tells Hobbes not to tell him his duplicate is writing Susie mash notes. Hobbes calls Calvin a little charmer. Calvin runs off. As dictator-for-life of the Get Rid Of Slimy girlS club, his reputation is at stake. He looks in his room, but the duplicate isn't there. He says he must be on his way to Susie's house. Hobbes says he's probably getting smooches right now. Standing at Susie's door, the duplicate Calvin has handed Susie the note. Susie considers it sarcasm. She tells him if he comes to her house again, she'll clobber him. 11,121; 14,157

03/30/91 Calvin goes to Susie's house. She says "You again". Calvin asks if he was there before. She asks if he's crazy. He was there two minutes ago. Calvin asks if he's still there. She says he's standing right there. Angrily, Calvin says anyone can see that. He wants to know if he's anywhere else. She slams the door. Walking off, Calvin asks who can fathom the feminine mind. 11,121; 14,158

03/31/91 Susie is playing, when Calvin comes over with a bucket. Calvin is wearing a mask. Calvin starts a poem. He tells Susie please do what she's told. There is a bucket, of water, ice cold. He says to please dump in on him, not to hesitate, do it A.S.A.P. Susie looks at him, while Calvin stands with eyes closed. Susie grins evilly. Calvin walks off with the bucket on his head, dripping water. Calvin shakes his fist at Hobbes. Calvin warns him to wait until he touches the "pernicious poem place". They're playing Calvinball. 11,125

04/01/91 Calvin finds his duplicate. Calvin complains about the duplicate giving Susie a valentine. The duplicate says she wouldn't even accept it. He calls Calvin a jerk. Calvin calls the duplicate a namby-pamby goody-goody. The duplicate calls Calvin a self-centered, conniving brat. They fight. Hobbes asks how existential can you get. 11,122; 14,158

04/02/91 The duplicate says he's going to fight Calvin. FFTT! He disappears. He had an evil thought. Hobbes calls it another casualty of applied metaphysics. Calvin says his ethicator machine must've had a built-in moral compromise spectral release phantasmatron. He says he's a genius. 11,122; 14,159

04/03/91 Hobbes tells Calvin he's the only person he knows whose good side is prone to badness. Calvin says that's why he evaporated. He could only be perfectly good as an abstraction. In his human manifestation, he wanted to throttle Calvin. He spectralized just in time. Hobbes calls it fascinating. He reminds Calvin he'll have to do his homework himself. Calvin says since his good side is no longer a physical being, he finds him that much easier to ignore. 11,122; 14,159

04/04/91 Dad is reading a story to Calvin. Dad says he's reached the end of chapter one. He says they'll stop there. Calvin tells him to read the whole book. Dad says there's a hundred more pages, and it's late. He says they'll read another chapter tomorrow. Calvin asks him to finish it tonight. Dad says he must really like the book. Calvin tells him he has to write a paper on it tomorrow. 11,124

04/05/91 Calvin tells Hobbes he's noticed that things don't bug you if you don't think about them. He says he's not going to think about anything he doesn't like, and he'll be happy all the time. Hobbes asks if that isn't a silly and irresponsible way to live. Calvin looks at the sky and says "What a pretty afternoon". 11,124

04/06/91 Hobbes comes out in the rain with an umbrella to ask Calvin why he's out there. Calvin stands with his arms crossed. He says he's engaged in a contest of wills. It's him against nature. He raises his fists and asks which one is going to give up first. Will nature give up and stop raining, or will he give up and go inside. He says he's determined to win. There is a big KABOOM! Hobbes is startled. Calvin yells to the skies that the big noise doesn't scare him. He's not going in. Hobbes does go in. Calvin says the poor guy couldn't stand the suspense. 11,124

04/07/91 Prehistoric beasts look up. A tyrannosaurus roars. Calvin makes a terrible face, snorts and growls. His classmates all look at him. He says he's sorry. He had a little sinus congestion. He puts his face in his hands and sighs. 11,127; 14,151

04/08/91 Calvin tells Mom that as of today, he will no longer respond to the name "Calvin". He wishes to be addressed as "Calvin the Bold". He says that's the new name for the rest of his life. She asks how about Calvin the Deranged. Calvin tells her that Calvin the Bold will begin referring to himself in the third person. 11,126

04/09/91 Miss Wormwood asks Calvin to do the next problem. He just sits there. She asks him again. Calvin turns around, wondering who she's talking to. Miss Wormwood yells that she wants him. Calvin tells Miss Wormwood that Calvin the Bold demands he be addressed by his full title for any response. In the principal's office, he asks Calvin if he's back again. Calvin looks around, wondering who he's talking to. 11,126

04/10/91 Dad sits on his chair and calls Calvin the Bold. Calvin runs in. Dad tells him to kneel. Calvin does. Dad says that by the finite patience vested in him, he hereby dubs Calvin "Mud". He tells Calvin to rise. Calvin realizes his name is mud. He walks off, grumbling that Mr. Subtlety drives home another point. 11,126