Finding Your Favorite Calvin and Hobbes Comic Strips
Published by Steve Kurtz at Smashwords
Copyright 2010 Steve Kurtz
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
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Chapter 1 - Introduction
Chapter 2 - How To Use This Guide
Chapter 3 - 1985
Chapter 4 - 1986
Chapter 5 - 1987
Chapter 6 - 1988
Chapter 7 - 1989
Chapter 8 - 1990
Chapter 9 - 1991
Chapter 10 - 1992
Chapter 11 - 1993
Chapter 12 - 1994
Chapter 13 - 1995
Chapter 14 - Bibliography
My first knowledge of Calvin and Hobbes came from my brother, Mark. He had recently graduated college and had come to stay with me while looking for employment. Mark asked me one day whether I read the Calvin and Hobbes comic strip. Up until then, I hadn’t.
At first, I couldn’t figure it out. I was confused by whether Hobbes was a toy tiger, a real tiger, or both. It’s the same issue mentioned by the comic strip artist, Bill Watterson, in “The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book”, pg. 22.
After a while, I came to enjoy the comic strip. The words that were used, the art work, as well as the situation of the strip itself won me over. I read the strip religiously from then on. I bought the books so I could read them whenever the mood struck. While there was some replication among the books, all the strips were in at least one of them.
I would occasionally think of a strip I particularly liked. I’d go through all the books, trying to find that specific comic strip. Around that same time, I read web postings from people asking if anyone knew where they could find certain comic strips. They’d have some idea of the characters or the situation, or they might remember some of the dialog. Everyone had the problem of finding the strip in one of the books.
Using a combination of the Calvin and Hobbes website and researching through my local library’s microfilm for the daily papers, I documented the dates each comic strip originally appeared in the newspaper. I have compiled this information into a Calvin and Hobbes Comic Strip Guide.
This is simply a chronological sequencing of the Calvin and Hobbes comic strips, all 3150 of them. Initially, there is the date that comic strip first appeared in the newspaper (in mm/dd/yy format). There were two times that Bill Watterson went on sabbatical, and the newspaper repeated comic strips during those times. This guide does not take repeat print dates into consideration.
A description of the comic strip comes next. I tried to explain what was happening in the strip, who the characters were, and I used some of the dialog from the comic strip. My hope was to make the description complete and true enough to the strip that anyone could search on these factors and find the entry.
Lastly, there are the references to which book(s) and page(s) a given comic strip appeared. The first number is the book, with the second number being the page in that book the comic strip can be found. The name of the book can be found by looking at the bibliography page, using the book number as reference. A semicolon separates entries, so if there is a chain of three different number sets, it simply means that particular comic strip appeared in three different books. Every occurrence of the strip is listed, except as noted below. The books used are the Andrews and McMeel books, starting with “Calvin and Hobbes” and ending with “Calvin and Hobbes: Sunday Pages 1985-1995”.
The bibliography and references do not include “The Complete Calvin and Hobbes Volumes 1 – 3”. That three volume box set includes all the comic strips in chronological order. The dates of the strips are listed on the bottom of each page. Using this book as a guide, once you have the date, you can easily find it in the box set.
You simply use your reader’s search function, entering words you remember from the strip you’re looking for. You can search by date if you know when the strip originally was published in the newspaper or if you just want to see a strip from a certain date. Lastly, you can just read through the descriptions, and if you read something you like, you can go find that strip.
11/18/85 Calvin is off to check his tiger trap. Since Calvin baited it with a tuna fish sandwich, he's sure he'll have caught a tiger. Calvin tells his Dad that tigers will do anything for tuna fish. Hobbes, hanging by his foot in the trap, says tigers are kind of stupid that way. 1,6; 3,19; 14,29
11/19/85 Calvin asks Dad what he should do when he catches a tiger. Perturbed, Dad replies Calvin should bring it home and stuff it. Hobbes, sitting in the kitchen, tells Calvin (who's looking for more food in the refrigerator) he can't eat another bite. 1,6; 3,19
11/20/85 Dad yells at Calvin to go to sleep and to quit making noise. Calvin blames Hobbes for jumping on the bed. Dad says Hobbes was not jumping on the bed, and that Calvin should go to sleep. Calvin tells Hobbes that he was the one jumping on the bed. Hobbes says Calvin was the one playing the cymbals. 1,6; 3,19
11/21/85 Miss Wormwood tells Calvin to put his tiger in his locker. Calvin protests that Hobbes would suffocate. Miss Wormwood allows Calvin to put Hobbes under his seat. Calvin is relieved and promptly asks Hobbes for some math assistance. 1,7; 3,20
11/22/85 Dad tells Calvin good night. As he's leaving, Calvin asks if he isn't going to say good night to Hobbes. Dad does so. Hobbes complains about there being no story or smooch. Calvin calls Hobbes a sissy and tells him to go to bed. 1,7; 3,20
11/23/85 Calvin looks at his dinner plate and asks Dad what it is. Dad replies Calvin should taste it, he'll like it. Calvin thinks you know you'll hate it when they won't tell you what it is. 1,7; 3,20
11/24/85 Calvin asks Dad to check under the bed for monsters, which he does. Then, he asks to have the dresser checked. Dad refuses. Calvin is sure that's where the monsters will be hiding, and that they'll come out when Calvin goes to sleep. Calvin decides to be proactive by arming himself with a suction dart gun and giving Hobbes a horn. The plan is to irritate the monsters by honking the horn, then shooting them. As they execute their plan, a monster comes in the door. Dad, with several suction darts sticking to him, asks Mom to come upstairs. Calvin is heard saying he was going to finish off the monster when he found his baseball bat. 1,8; 3,21
11/25/85 Calvin asks whether there are any monsters in his room tonight. Multiple replies of "no" come from under the bed. Calvin threatens to use a flamethrower on any monster coming out. Hobbes asks whether Calvin really has a flamethrower. Calvin replies that if the monsters can lie, so can he. 1,9; 3,22
11/26/85 Calvin asks his Mom whether he can drive the car home. Mom replies no. Calvin wonders if he could steer the car. Mom replies no. Calvin asks whether he can work the gas and brakes. Again, Mom says no. Calvin replies his Mom never lets him do anything. 1,9; 3,22
11/27/85 Calvin is in the sandbox. He sees the bustling city with new buildings. He describes the farmer going to market. Calvin then fills up a bucket with water. He then mentions that the serene metropolis lies directly beneath the Hoover Dam. 1,9; 3,22
11/28/85 Calvin says dinner smells like bat barf. Dad sends him to his room. Mom thinks that might be a bit harsh, but Dad holds firm. Dad says Calvin needs to learn manners. He also says Calvin won't starve. Calvin and Hobbes are seen on the telephone ordering extra pepperoni. 1,10; 3,23
11/29/85 Miss Wormwood takes Calvin to the office to see the principal. Spaceman Spiff is captured and is being taken for torture. He knows the aliens are after the formula to the atomic napalm neutralizer. Spiff springs into action. The principal asks Miss Wormwood why Calvin is eating his hall pass. 1,10; 3,23
11/30/85 Calvin and Hobbes are riding the wagon down the hill as Calvin asks if Hobbes believes in fate. Hobbes questions whether Calvin means our lives are predestined. Calvin confirms that he is thinking that the things they do are inevitable. As they fly into the air after flying off the end of a pier, Hobbes states that is a scary thought. 1,10; 3,23
12/01/85 Calvin is placed into the tub for a bath. He can't believe his parents would do that to him. Suddenly, a suds monster rises from the tub and attacks Calvin. As the battle goes on, Mom yells up to Calvin to quiet down. Calvin gets the best of the suds monster and sends the fiend to his death. As Mom comments to Dad about Calvin letting the water out already, Calvin walks by naked and tells her to believe it. 1,11; 3,24
12/02/85 Dad is informed his poll scores are low, especially with 6-year-olds. Dad will have to adopt some key planks to keep his position. Dad comments that some special interest groups are going to be in for a surprise. 1,12; 3,25
12/03/85 Hobbes asks Calvin about the new girl in school. Calvin doesn't know her name. Hobbes wonders if she's nice. Calvin doesn't care. Hobbes asks the big question of whether Calvin likes her, which gets an emphatic NO reply. 1,12; 3,25
12/04/85 Calvin sees the new girl coming and yells a question asking if that's Susie Derkins' face or if a possum is stuck in her collar. He then yells that she should have a debilitating brain aneurysm. Hobbes says she's cute, to which Calvin wants Hobbes to go away. 1,12; 3,25
12/05/85 Susie asks to join Calvin eating lunch. Calvin tells Susie he has a squid eyeball sandwich. Susie doesn't believe him and tells him not to be so disgusting. Calvin replies by indicating he likes to suck out the retinas. Susie calls for Miss Wormwood, while Calvin asks whether she wants a bite of his sandwich or was just leaving. 1,13; 3,26
12/06/85 Calvin, up in a tree house, tells Susie she can't come up and that no girls are allowed. Susie wonders why he would think she'd want to sit up in a tree anyway. Calvin thinks about that and decides she's taken all the fun out of sex discrimination. 1,13; 3,26
12/07/85 Calvin is swinging and lets himself go. As he flies into the air, he realizes he has a problem. He calls Houston to report a negative on that orbit trajectory. 1,13; 3,26
12/08/85 Miss Wormwood calls to Calvin about not paying attention. Spaceman Spiff shoots the atomic napalm neutralizer at the snarling cur, but to no avail. Spiff runs off to a nearby cave, where he smells something awful. Suddenly, a light comes on, and Spiff finds himself in the midst of several monsters. Calvin runs out of the teachers lounge, as they ask who that was. 1,14; 3,27
12/09/85 Calvin is lying in bed with a thermometer in his mouth watching soap operas. He hears dialog about Mary's skimpy negligee, about the couple being married (but to other people), and a plan to murder their spouses. Calvin thinks he learns more when he stays home from school. 1,15; 3,28; 14,32
12/10/85 Calvin asks if he can set fire to his mattress. Mom replies no. He then asks if he can ride his tricycle on the roof. Mom replies no. Calvin then asks for a cookie. Again, Mom replies no. Calvin realizes she's onto him. 1,15; 3,28
12/11/85 Mom is carrying Calvin to bed. Calvin warns that Hobbes will messily devour anyone bringing him to bed before 9:00. Mom shows that Hobbes is in the washing machine. In bed, Calvin complains that was a fine time for Hobbes to take a bath. 1,16; 3,28
12/12/85 As Hobbes is drawing a picture, Calvin asks whether Hobbes watched the movie on TV last night. Hobbes says no. Calvin then asks whether Hobbes watched the game. Hobbes says no. Calvin asks whether Hobbes watched any TV last night. Hobbes says no. Calvin then asks what he did watch. 1,16; 3,29
12/13/85 Calvin has a stand by the sidewalk selling insurance. Susie stops by and says what a dumb idea that is and asks why anyone would buy insurance from him. Calvin then pulls out a slingshot and fires a round at Susie. 1,17; 3,29
12/14/85 Calvin climbs out his bedroom window on sheets bound together. He walks along in the darkness. Calvin stops at a pay phone to call Dad. Calvin states it's now three in the morning, and does Dad know where Calvin is? 1,17; 3,29
12/15/85 Spiff is being pursued. His hyper-freem drive fails. A frap ray nearly misses. Finally, Spiff is hit. He's going down and wonders if he'll make it. As Calvin lands on the ground after coming down the slide, he kisses the sweet ground. Miss Wormwood thinks maybe Calvin should play on the swings instead. 1,18; 3,30
12/16/85 Mom asks whether Calvin is bringing Hobbes to school again. She asks whether the kids make fun of him for doing that. Calvin replies that Tommy Chesnutt did, but no one did anymore. Mom asks what happened to Tommy. Calvin replies that Hobbes ate him. Hobbes comments that Tommy needed a bath. 1,19; 3,31
12/17/85 Dad comes into the bedroom yelling that Calvin is making too much noise and is supposed to be asleep. Calvin replies he's hitting monsters under the bed. He's using a baseball bat. Dad shows Calvin he's mistaken by pulling Hobbes out from under the bed. Calvin says it's a good thing he occasionally missed with the bat. Hobbes agrees and asks to see the bat for a minute. 1,19; 3,31
12/18/85 Calvin is playing with some toys. He has a sports car going 200 miles an hour. He has a cement truck coming in. Then, he has an inflammable chemical truck driving up. Calvin looks up and says this ought to be good. 1,19; 3,31
12/19/85 Calvin is digging trenches in the yard, then building dirt berms. Mom comes out yelling at Calvin about what he's doing to the yard. Calvin replies he's making speed bumps. 1,20; 3,32
12/20/85 Calvin and Hobbes are lying on a hill. Calvin wonders where they go when they die. They think about it awhile, and Hobbes wonders if it's Pittsburgh. Calvin wonders whether Hobbes is referring to where they go if they're good or if they're bad. 1,20; 3,32
12/21/85 Calvin and Hobbes are wandering in the tall grass. Hobbes says they're lost again. Calvin, in his pith helmet, says that "lost" isn't in the vocabulary of brave explorers. Hobbes wonders if "mommy" is. They both cry out "mommy". 1,20; 3,32
12/22/85 Calvin finishes building a snow fortress. As he and Hobbes are inside, Calvin rants about being invincible. That the fort is impenetrable, and that they rule and are immune to any onslaught. Calvin then looks over at Hobbes, who is grinning widely. Hobbes then smacks Calvin with a snowball. 1,21; 3,33
12/23/85 Calvin notices there isn't a stocking over the fireplace for Hobbes. Calvin asks where Santa will put Hobbes' loot if there is no stocking. Mom assures Calvin she'll make a stocking for Hobbes. Mom looks over at Dad and asks about Hobbes' loot. Dad says not to look at him, he's done shopping. 1,22; 3,34
12/24/85 Calvin and Hobbes are in bed. Calvin asks whether Hobbes is still awake, which he is. Downstairs they go. They wait at the fireplace, and Calvin says when Santa drops his bag down, Hobbes should grab it and Calvin will close the flue. 1,22; 3,34
12/25/85 Calvin looks at Hobbes with sad eyes and apologizes for not getting Hobbes a gift or a card. Hobbes says it's alright, as he didn't get anything for Calvin. Hobbes gives Calvin a big tiger hug for being his best friend. Calvin calls Hobbes a big sissy and tells Hobbes he is squeezing Calvin so hard tears are coming out. Hobbes tells him "Merry Christmas". 1,22; 3,34
12/26/85 Calvin and Hobbes are sledding down the hill as Calvin asks how long it will be till bedtime. Hobbes guesses six or seven hours and wonders why Calvin asked. As they fly off the hill, Calvin hopes his Mom will notice they're missing by then. 1,23; 3,35
12/27/85 Calvin is hammering nails into a table. Mom runs out yelling, asking Calvin what he's doing. Calvin looks at the nails in the table and asks whether that's a trick question or something. 1,23; 3,35
12/28/85 Susie asks Calvin whether he wants to play house. Calvin asks how you play. Susie explains that he comes home from work, then she does. Then, they argue about their jobs and about who will microwave dinner. 1,23; 3,35
12/29/85 Calvin is sitting at the table with a bowl of oatmeal. Mom tells Calvin to eat the oatmeal, not play with it. The oatmeal jumps out of its bowl and bounces around the table. Calvin stabs at it while yelling "death to oatmeal". He chases the vile glop around. Mom comes to the kitchen and sees the mess. Mom then yells at Dad. She says it's Dad's fault they didn't have a sweet girl. It's his chromosome that was the problem. Dad watches Mom go off, sits back into his chair and says he just lives there. 1,24; 3,36
12/30/85 Hobbes is reading a newspaper while Calvin watches TV. Hobbes reads that by age 6, children have seen a million murders on TV. Calvin finds that very disturbing. He believes he's been watching all the wrong channels. 1,25; 3,37
12/31/85 Calvin is at the dinner table and refuses to eat the green stuff. Dad replies that it's toxic waste that will turn him into a mutant if he eats it. Calvin devours the meal. Mom says there has to be a better way to get him to eat. 1,25; 3,37
01/01/86 Calvin comes into the living room asking Dad why he lives there with Mom instead of in an apartment with several scantily clad female roommates. Dad looks up with eyes wide open. Calvin trudges off grumbling about how you ask a simple question, and you get your television privileges revoked. 1,25; 3,37
01/02/86 Calvin asks Hobbes if he's ever kissed a girl. Hobbes replies that he has kissed a few. Calvin asks what it was like. Hobbes grabs Calvin and plants a big kiss on him and says "only a lot more so". Calvin tries to clean his lips while he says he was hoping it wasn't so fuzzy. 1,26; 3,38
01/03/86 Calvin asks Hobbes what he finds attractive in women. Hobbes replies that he has always been partial to redheads...with green eyes...and long whiskers. 1,26; 3,38
01/04/86 Calvin, the werewolf, looks for a human sacrifice. He trudges past Dad, mouth hanging open, saying hi, and Dad replies back. Then, Dad yells for Calvin to stop drooling. 1,26; 3,38
01/05/86 Calvin smacks Susie in the back of the head with a snowball. Susie, enraged, rolls up a huge snowball. Calvin taunts Susie about the size of the snowball and her inability to throw it. Susie walks up to Calvin, picks him up, and deposits him in the snowball. 1,27; 3,39
01/06/86 Miss Wormwood asks the class who will be the first to do his book report. Calvin, sitting at his desk with a smile on his face, is chosen. Calvin just sits there as Miss Wormwood calls his name again. Then, Spaceman Spiff pulls his death ray blaster as the monster approaches him. 1,28; 3,40
01/07/86 Calvin sits at his desk looking at a math problem. He answers that he cannot answer that question as it is against his religious principles. Calvin figures it's worth a shot. 1,28; 3,40
01/08/86 Calvin and Hobbes are on the hill, and Calvin asks Hobbes what he thinks happens when they die. After thinking about it, Hobbes replies they play saxophone for an all-girl cabaret in New Orleans. Calvin asks if Hobbes believes in heaven. Hobbes replies to call it what you like. 1,28; 3,40
01/09/86 Calvin and Hobbes are in their treehouse, wearing paper hats and brandishing swords. They're a fierce and dirty band of cutthroat pirates. Calvin tells Hobbes to keep an eye out so no girls come on board. Calvin reiterates that they're a murderous bunch of pirates. Hobbes wants to know who they smooch. 1,29; 3,41
01/10/86 Calvin and Susie are walking to school. Calvin asks what Susie is bringing to show and tell. Susie replies she has a note she wrote to her Congressman. Calvin is bringing some dead bugs he got from his windowsills. As Susie leaves, Calvin says that this way, his Mom didn't even have to pack a lunch. 1,29; 3,41
01/11/86 Calvin and Hobbes are on a Cub Scout trip, but are hopelessly lost again. Calvin replies that he's always prepared. With his full backpack, they can stay out for weeks. As Hobbes grabs one of the dozens of comic books from the backpack, he comments that they can do that as long as they don't get hungry. 1,29; 3,41
01/12/86 Calvin is home from school. As he enters his bedroom, Hobbes attacks him. They tussle, and Mom is forced to yell for Calvin to quit crashing around. Calvin tries to explain that he was fighting for his very survival against Hobbes' attack. Mom is more concerned with having to sew Hobbes up again, so she asks Calvin to do something quiet upstairs. Calvin complains to Hobbes that Mom always takes his side. Hobbes taunts Calvin by sticking his tongue out and saying that Mom wanted another tiger, not him. 1,30; 3,42
01/13/86 In school, Susie hands Calvin a note and asks him to pass it to Jessica. She asks he not read it, because it's a secret note. Calvin takes the note, gets a mischievous look on his face, and reads the note. It calls Calvin a stinkhead and says she told him not to read it. 1,31; 3,43
01/14/86 Calvin fumes from being humiliated and vows Susie will be sorry if she passes another note to him. Susie then does just that. She gives Calvin another secret note for Jessica. This time, Calvin yells to Miss Wormwood that Susie is passing notes and that she should read the note to the class. Miss Wormwood reads the note telling Jessica that Calvin is a squealer. Calvin murmurs a comment to Susie about hoping she knows a good dentist. 1,31; 3,43
01/15/86 Susie and Calvin are on their way to the principal's office as Susie stops to wonder if they'll get paddled. She believes she won't because she's a girl. Calvin wonders why that makes a difference. Susie informs him that girls have more delicate heinies. 1,31; 3,43
01/16/86 Susie is complaining to Calvin about not wanting to get spanked. She's worried it will go on their academic transcripts. She sniffles. Then, she unleashes a threat to Calvin that he'll answer to her parents if Susie doesn't get a Master's degree. 1,32; 3,44
01/17/86 The principal calls Susie and Calvin into his office. Susie yells that it's all Calvin's fault. Calvin yells that Susie's started it. Calvin wants to know if they're getting spanked. Susie promises to never pass notes again. They both cry and wish they were dead. The principal looks up and thinks that he hates his job. 1,32; 3,44
01/18/86 The principal tells Susie and Calvin he wants them to pay more attention in class. Susie agrees. The principal tells them to return to their class. Susie heads off. Calvin just stands in front of the principal's desk as he repeats himself about going back to class. Spiff sets his blaster on "medium well" as the Zorg draws near. 1,32; 3,44
01/19/86 Hobbes asks Calvin what he's watching on TV. Calvin replies that the show is garbage that would insult a six-year-old. Hobbes asks why he doesn't watch something else. Calvin tells him the other shows are worse. Hobbes asks why he watches TV at all. Calvin tells him that there's nothing else to do. Hobbes indignantly tells Calvin that he could read a book, write a letter, or take a walk. He says Calvin will wish he had more memories when he's old and looks back on these years. Calvin agrees, but stays in front of the TV. Hobbes decides to join him. 1,33; 3,45
01/20/86 Calvin points the remote control at the TV set, clicks it, and the TV goes off. Smiling, Calvin walks to the living room where Dad is sitting. Calvin points the remote control at Dad, clicks it, and says "rats" when nothing happens. 1,34; 3,46
01/21/86 Calvin asks Mom if he can remove his floorboards and build a secret passageway. Mom says not to be ridiculous, and that he'd come through the kitchen ceiling if he tried it. Calvin walks up to his room and asks Hobbes how quietly he thinks they can nail the boards back in. 1,34; 3,46
01/22/86 Calvin asks Dad what this disgusting slimy blob on his plate is. Dad replies that he should try it. Calvin wants to know what if he does try it and doesn't like it. Dad replies that if that happens he will build character. As Calvin peeks over his dinner plate, he comments on how Dad is always looking out for him. 1,35; 3,46
01/23/86 Mom yells up the stairs for Calvin to get up. She goes to his bedroom door, tells Calvin it's nearly 7:30 and asks if he's ready. Calvin replies he's coming. There sits Hobbes with Calvin's shirt and cap on. Hobbes tells Calvin that he knew it wouldn't work. Calvin believes it didn't work because Hobbes didn't put on Calvin's pants. 1,35; 3,47
01/24/86 Calvin asks Hobbes if he knows where babies come from. Hobbes says no. Calvin then wonders how a person would find out. Hobbes asks to see the back of Calvin's shirt. He then informs Calvin that he came from Taiwan. 1,36; 3,47
01/25/86 Calvin comes in the door and yells a question about when lunch is to his Mom. She's busy in the kitchen. Calvin yells that he's hungry and wants to eat now. Calvin receives a map to the refrigerator. 1,36; 3,47
01/26/86 Spaceman Spiff is going down. He fights to control his damaged spacecraft. Spiff careens through the alien canyon but ejects right before impact. Mom asks whether he's done running through the house or if he is going to fall down the steps again. Calvin thinks Spiff has regained consciousness at the feet of a sarcastic alien. 1,37; 3,48
01/27/86 Calvin calls Dad at work. He asks how Dad's day is going and comments on the pretty day. Calvin wonders if Dad will be bringing any presents home tonight. He just thought he'd ask. Then, Calvin tells Dad that he supposes he wonders why Calvin called. Calvin is standing on a ladder, wrench in hand, with water all over the floor. 1,38; 3,49
01/28/86 Calvin informs Dad that his poll results took a dive. In particular, the "Overall Dad Performance" rating is especially low. The polls show Dad's drop started the day before. Dad yells that Calvin didn't get dessert the day before because he flooded the house. Calvin walks off, suggesting a new line of work for "Dad". 1,38; 3,49
01/29/86 The giant slimy octopus oozes across the beach. His presence terrorizes the community. His tentacle grabs an unsuspecting tourist. A muffled scream lingers in the air. Mom looks down at Calvin on the floor and asks if he wants something. 1,38; 3,49; 14,30
01/30/86 Calvin sees Moe coming. Moe demands the ball, calling Calvin a twinky. Calvin gives Moe the ball and says you should never argue with a six-year-old who shaves. 1,39; 3,50; 14,26
01/31/86 Calvin is in a swing as Moe comes up indicating Calvin took his favorite swing. Calvin agrees and asks Moe about that. Moe ponders that while Calvin tells us Moe's train of thought is still boarding at the station. 1,39; 3,50
02/01/86 Calvin tells Moe he was wondering something. Calvin wonders if Moe's maladjusted antisocial tendencies were the product of his berserk pituitary gland. Moe stands there confused. Calvin says Moe is great, and that we should give him a hand. 1,39; 3,50
02/02/86 Dad is trying to read Calvin the story of "Little Red Riding Hood". Calvin keeps changing the wolf to a tiger. As Dad gets to the part about the hunter shooting the wolf (or tiger in this story), he changes his mind. He says the tiger pounces on the hunter and Little Red Riding Hood, eating them and living happily ever after. Calvin thanks Dad for the good story as Hobbes tries to hold back tears. 1,40; 3,51
02/03/86 Calvin is doing some math conversions dealing with bushels and pecks. He asks Hobbes what a peck is. Hobbes, of course, replies that it's a quick smooch. Calvin laments that he just doesn't math at all. 1,41; 3,52
02/04/86 Calvin asks Mom if he can have some money to go to the movies with Hobbes. The movie title is "The Cuisinart Murderer of Central High". Not surprisingly, Mom declines and informs Calvin there are much better ways he can spend his afternoon. As he goes back to his bedroom, Hobbes asks what Mom had said. Calvin states that she went off on one of her irrelevant tangents again. 1,41; 3,52
02/05/86 As they gaze into the evening sky, Calvin asks Hobbes whether he believes their destinies are controlled by the stars. Hobbes believes they can do whatever they want with their lives. Calvin answers "Not to hear Mom and Dad tell it". 1,41; 3,52
02/06/86 Standing behind a snow berm, Calvin asks whether Hobbes is ready. Hobbes replies no. Calvin continues to make snowballs and yells to Hobbes to hurry up. Hobbes, standing on a lever and fulcrum with a huge snowball at the end says he's now ready. 1,42; 3,53
02/07/86 Sledding down the hill, Calvin asks Hobbes whether he believes in life after death, reincarnation. As they go zinging through the trees, Hobbes covers his eyes and tells Calvin to just steer. 1,42; 3,53
02/08/86 Mild-mannered Calvin dashes into the hall closet, where he transforms into Captain Napalm, protector of the American Way. Although Captain Napalm has superhuman powers, he cannot open the closet door and has to yell for Mom. 1,42; 3,53
02/09/86 Calvin is taking a bath. He worries he might drown with no one there to rescue him, so he brings Hobbes into the tub. Hobbes disguises himself with bubbles, then Calvin gets one of Dad's hats for Hobbes to wear. As Calvin goes off to get a tie to add to the disguise, Hobbes tells him to hurry because Mom is coming. As Calvin walks naked behind Dad, who's reading a book, we hear Mom yelling at Dad for taking a bath in his best hat. 1,43; 3,54
02/10/86 Mom wakes Calvin for school. Calvin says he's not going to school anymore. Mom replies that he has to, because it's the law. Calvin asks why Hobbes doesn't have to go to school. Mom tells him it's because he's a tiger. Calvin asks Hobbes what being a tiger has to do with it, and Hobbes replies that tigers wreck the grade curve. 1,44; 3,55
02/11/86 As Calvin and Hobbes pull the sled up the hill, Calvin asks Hobbes whether it's better to live in security or to take risks and live on the edge. As the sled is ready for the trip down the hill, Calvin and Hobbes sit on the sled. Calvin states that he believes it's best to accept danger and live to the fullest. As the sled goes down the hill, Calvin says that by Hobbes' silence, he must agree with Calvin. However, Hobbes isn't on the back of the sled after all. 1,44; 3,55
02/12/86 Calvin sits at a desk at home making Susie Derkins a valentine. Hobbes comments on how cute Susie is. Calvin is putting lace around the heart-shaped valentine. Hobbes is sure Susie will like it. Calvin writes that he hates her, and that she should drop dead. 1,44; 3,55
02/13/86 Calvin goes to a florist to get a valentine bouquet. The worker comments on what a sweet little boy he is. Calvin doesn't see what he's looking for. When the worker asks if he had something special in mind, Calvin replies he was hoping for a dumpster he could root through. 1,45; 3,56
02/14/86 Susie calls Calvin a baloney brain. She yells at him for giving her a hate-mail valentine and dead flowers. She smacks him with a snowball. As she walks off, she smiles and thinks Calvin likes her because of the valentine and flowers. Calvin, buried in the snow, thinks Susie likes him because she noticed the gifts he sent. 1,45; 3,56
02/15/86 Mom is sitting at the table when Calvin walks by dressed in his coat and hat. Puzzled, Mom goes upstairs and opens the bedroom door. There, she finds Calvin has opened the window letting snow into the room. Calvin is working on a snowman. Mom just covers her face. 1,45; 3,56
02/16/86 Calvin asks Hobbes what it's like to be in love. Hobbes describes your heart falling into your stomach, you sweat and get woozy and that you babble like a cretin until she leaves. Calvin is surprised that is what love is. He felt that way once, but thought it was cooties. 1,46; 3,57
02/17/86 Moe informs Calvin it will cost fifty cents to be his friend today. Calvin wonders what happens if he doesn't want to be Moe's friend today. Moe tells Calvin he'll be scraped off the wall with a spatula. Calvin wonders what's a little extortion among friends. 1,47; 3,58
02/18/86 Calvin tells Hobbes he got the new record from Scrambled Debutante. He shows Hobbes the lyric sheet and tells Hobbes the songs glorify violence, mindless sex, and deliberate use of dangerous drugs. Hobbes is sure Mom will have conniptions if she sees the lyrics lying around. Calvin says he sure didn't buy the record for the music, as he throws the album into the trash can. 1,47; 3,58
02/19/86 Calvin asks Mom if she will drive him to town. Mom wonders why she should drive him. She states that it's a perfect day and asks what he thinks feet are for. Calvin replies that feet are for working the gas pedal. 1,47; 3,58
02/20/86 Miss Wormwood tells Calvin he's not paying attention again. Spaceman Spiff is trapped. He dives for the air lock. Miss Wormwood grabs his shirt as he's hanging out the school window. She tells him, "Nice try, Calvin". 1,48; 3,59
02/21/86 Calvin returns from school and tells Mom he's home. He asks Mom if she fed Hobbes today. Mom rolls her eyes and says it must have slipped her mind. Calvin tells her she should just douse him with steak sauce before he goes into his room. 1,48; 3,59
02/22/86 In the middle of the night, Mom and Dad awake to Calvin yelling for Mom. He yells that he's thirsty. Mom dutifully stumbles off to take care of things. She gives Calvin a cup, to which he questions if this is just water. 1,48; 3,59
02/23/86 As Mom is driving Calvin home, the car breaks down. Mom starts yelling at the car, and Calvin encourages her to go ahead and swear. Mom gets out of the car to look under the hood. Calvin suggests she kick the car, because that works on TV. Calvin notices all the cars going by on the road and worries no one will stop. Hobbes suggests they honk the horn. They do, as Mom holds her ears in pain. Calvin and Hobbes cheer as someone stops. The man asks whether Mom wants a tow truck. Mom replies that he should call the police and report an infanticide. 1,49; 3,60
02/24/86 Calvin asks Hobbes for some homework assistance. He asks what a pronoun is. Hobbes states it's a noun that lost its amateur status. Calvin isn't so sure, but figures he might get a point for originality. 1,50; 3,61
02/25/86 Dad lets Calvin out of the car, but tells Calvin to leave Hobbes inside. Calvin tries to convince Dad to let Hobbes come, but Dad says no. Calvin asks for the window to be left open to give Hobbes some air. As they walk off, Hobbes asks Calvin to see if Dad will leave the keys so Hobbes can listen to the radio. 1,50; 3,61
02/26/86 Dad informs Calvin that he and Mom have decided Calvin should have an allowance. With that, he will learn the value of money. Calvin hunches over, rubs his hands together, and rants that he's rich, can buy off anyone, and that the world is his. As Calvin continues to rant about power, prestige, and being free, Dad yells to Mom that he blew it again. 1,50; 3,61
02/27/86 Calvin says he wants to be a radical terrorist when he grows up, Mom just mumbles. Calvin then says he's going to inhale a can of pesticide, Mom just mumbles. Calvin says he's going to watch TV all night, Mom replies "That's what you think, Buster!" Calvin notes that you can never tell if they're listening or not. 1,51; 3,62
02/28/86 Calvin notices a movie in the paper, "Vampire Sorority Babes". Hobbes points out that you need to be eighteen to enter. Calvin indicates that's no problem. The cashier at the theatre notes this is a new one as Calvin, with Hobbes on his head wearing a long coat, orders two....he means one ticket. 1,51; 3,62
03/01/86 Calvin thinks it's time to have a new Dad. He asks when Dad's term runs out. Dad informs Calvin that he's been appointed for life. Calvin laments about a recall vote or an impeachment. Dad says there are no provisions for either one. Calvin asks if Dad wrote that constitution himself. Dad adds that Mom helped with it, also. 1,51; 3,62
03/02/86 Calvin asks how many monsters there are under his bed. Only one replies. Calvin and Hobbes decide they outnumber the monster and can get him with a baseball bat. As they grab the bat, the voice under the bed tells the others to quit shoving. Calvin and Hobbes yell for Mom as the monster mutters thanks to Maurice, for ruining things. 1,52; 3,63
03/03/86 Moe threatens Calvin with tasting asphalt in fifth period. Calvin calls fifth period "Studies in Contemporary State-Sponsored Terrorism"...also known as gym class. 1,53; 3,64
03/04/86 Mom hangs up the phone and says she can't find a baby-sitter anywhere. Dad suggests that since they will only be gone a couple hours, they can leave Calvin unsupervised. They both break out laughing. As both of them wipe tears of laughter away, they ask seriously, what they should do. 1,53; 3,64
03/05/86 Mom tells Calvin they'll be out a couple hours and to be good and watch TV. Calvin and Hobbes rejoice at the news and head to the telephone to call Videorama to rent a VCR and some movies. Hobbes wants Calvin to ask for "Attack of the Coed Cannibals". 1,53; 3,64
03/06/86 Mom and Dad come home and note the house is still standing. They figure Calvin has gone to bed. Since his light is still on, Mom enters the bedroom. A bucket of water falls down on her head. She wants to know if Calvin watched a scary movie. Huddled under his covers, he says no. But he adds that Mom shouldn't come in because the rug is rigged, also. 1,54; 3,65
03/07/86 Calvin, with bat on shoulder, throws a baseball into the air. He takes a big swing at it and hits the ball. SMASH! Glass shatters. Calvin happily notes that it was only his first try. 1,54; 3,65
03/08/86 Calvin is in the sandbox happily making a sand city. He declares it downtown Tokyo. He yells and stomps through the sand city. He declares it Godzilla. 1,54; 3,65
03/09/86 Calvin wants a grenade launcher. He wonders when Christmas is. How about his birthday? Both too far away. He asks about his allowance, which he's already spent. He wonders if he has any stocks or war bonds he could sell. Mom yells that she's trying to work. Calvin asks if he can have some soap. Mom tells him to take all he wants. Calvin then sits at a table set up next to the family car which is marked, with soap on the windshield, "4 Sale Cheep". 1,55; 3,66
03/10/86 Calvin is complaining that it's cold outside in the snow. Hobbes tells him he should get a good fur coat like he has. Calvin looks at Hobbes, then puts Hobbes over his shoulder. Calvin wonders if Hobbes ate cement for breakfast as Hobbes reminds Calvin that this wasn't his idea. 1,56; 3,67
03/11/86 Calvin drops a quarter into the snow. He tries to find it, but Hobbes tells him he'll have to wait until the snow melts. Calvin won't have any of that, so he gets hold of a hair dryer and goes to work on the snow. 1,56; 3,67
03/12/86 Calvin wants to show Hobbes something weird. He puts a slice of bread in the toaster and pushes the lever. The toast pops up. Hobbes wonders what happened to the bread. That's the weird thing Calvin wanted to show. 1,57; 3,67
03/13/86 Calvin sits in the barber's chair for a haircut. Calvin orders the top shaved, the sides dyed pink and cut in horizontal stripes. Mom tells the barber to give Calvin the usual. Calvin comments the barber knows which side his bread is buttered on. 1,58; 3,68
03/14/86 Finished, the barber gives Calvin a mirror and asks what he thinks. Calvin gushes about how great the haircut looks and is probably the best he's ever received. Calvin knows better than to criticize a guy with a razor. 1,58; 3,68
03/15/86 Calvin comments that it's too bad the world is ending soon. Hobbes asks for clarification. Calvin tells him comets are harbingers of doom, and that Halley's Comet spells the end. Hobbes informs him that is only a superstition. Calvin realizes he better write his book report. 1,57; 3,68
03/16/86 Hobbes is eating as Calvin and he come down the hill in the wagon. Calvin offers a beverage, which then spills out of the can. Hobbes is asked if he wants dessert as items fly out of the wagon. Calvin tells him they'll be landing soon as they fly off the edge of the hill. Crashed below, Calvin declares that the seat belt light is off and thanks Hobbes for taking Flight 240, non-stop to Stoney Gulch. Hobbes reminds himself not to take the dinner flight next time. 1,59; 3,69
03/17/86 Calvin comes to Dad looking for reassurance that he's loved. Dad tells him yes. Calvin wonders if that would be true if he did something bad, something really, really bad. Suspicious, Dad wants to know what Calvin has done. 1,60; 3,70
03/18/86 Calvin informs Dad his poll results are high and that Dad's political stock could reach a record high with a little push. Dad tells Calvin to go help Mom with the dishes. Calvin laments the political suicide of Dad's decision. 1,60; 3,70
03/19/86 Calvin sees Moe coming and comments that Moe isn't smart, but is streetwise. After Moe passes, Calvin clarifies that means Moe knows which street he lives on. 1,60; 3,70
03/20/86 Calvin stops Dad from bringing his car into the garage. Calvin says Dad needs to give him a quarter before entering. Dad asks why he should pay to put his car into his garage. Calvin informs him that if he doesn't, the garage door will be brought down onto the car. Calvin, sitting on his bed, comments that Dad is a cheapskate. 1,61; 3,71
03/21/86 Hobbes is hanging in a tree, lowering a rope. Calvin thanks him for helping put up the tire swing. Hobbes wonders where he got such a nice tire. Dad, standing in his garage, is next to his jacked-up car with one tire missing. 1,61; 3,71
03/22/86 Hobbes asks Calvin what he's eating. Calvin tells him it's his new favorite "Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs". He offers Hobbes a taste, and Hobbes chokes on the sweetness. Calvin states they're a little bland until you scoop sugar on them. 1,61; 3,71
03/23/86 Calvin and Hobbes are playing war. Calvin is the defender of liberty, Hobbes the godless Communist oppressor. They square off and shoot each other with suction darts. They see they each have a dart stuck in them. Calvin suggests that it's kind of a stupid game. 1,62; 3,72
03/24/86 Calvin asks to be dismissed from the dinner table. Mom wants him to finish his salmon. Calvin wants to bring the supper to his room while he studies, and Mom consents. Calvin happily gives Hobbes the salmon and asks how the homework is coming. Hobbes is having a bit of a problem with a subtraction problem, so he answers "Atlanta, Georgia". 1,63; 3,73
03/25/86 Calvin offers to show Susie a magic trick. He asks for a quarter. Then, he says he'll disappear. Susie doesn't think it's very funny and starts pounding Calvin as he pleads that it was a trick. 1,63; 3,73
03/26/86 Calvin finds a decoder ring in his cereal. He tells Hobbes they can now send each other messages in code. He chuckles that Mom and Dad won't be able to understand them at all....not that they do anyway. 1,63; 3,73
03/27/86 Mom pokes her head into Calvin's room and tells him to rise and shine. As Calvin grumbles, she says the early bird gets the worm. Calvin doesn't think that's much of an incentive. 1,64; 3,74
03/28/86 Calvin decides he and Hobbes need to look "cooler". Calvin says cool people wear sunglasses, so he pulls out a couple pair. Hobbes wonders if it's cool to bump into things. Calvin tells him not to move, just to hang around. 1,64; 3,74
03/29/86 Calvin asks Dad if he will buy him a flamethrower. Dad tells Calvin not to be silly. Calvin fumes, then asks Dad if he'll buy it if Calvin doesn't use it in the house. 1,64; 3,74
03/30/86 Hobbes grabs Calvin's blanket so a parachute can be made. Calvin jumps out his window, planning to float gently to the ground. Instead, he plummets to the ground and crashes. Hobbes figures Mom will have a fit about the rose bushes. 1,65; 3,75
03/31/86 Calvin is in the doctor's office wondering what the doctor is doing. The doctor shows his tongue depressor, the stethoscope, and Calvin wonders if they will hurt him. Finally, the doctor pulls out an ear light. Calvin asks what that is, and the doctor tells him a cattle prod. Calvin keels over, while the doctor says little kids have no sense of humor. 1,66; 3,76
04/01/86 Calvin is in the doctor's office getting his arm swabbed. He asks if the doctor is going to put a leech on it, if he's being bled, or going to amputate. As Mom is reading a magazine, Calvin yells that the shot went through his arm. He yells that he's dying and hopes the doctor's malpractice insurance is paid up. Calvin calls him a quack and yells for his Mom, as she buries her face into the magazine. 1,66; 3,76
04/02/86 Calvin, as Safari Al, hacks through the jungle. A giant gorilla rips through the foliage and grabs Safari Al. The gorilla says "Clean your room". Calvin, in his room, looks at Mom who tells him again to clean his room because it's a jungle in there. 1,67; 3,76
04/03/86 Calvin and Hobbes are outside at night looking for UFO's. Calvin tells Hobbes to keep watching the moon since aliens like to sneak up from behind it. Mom comes up behind them and yells for Calvin to get back into bed. Calvin says that mothers, on the other hand, sneak up behind the pachysandra patch. 1,67; 3,77
04/04/86 Calvin, lying in bed, tells Mom he doesn't think he'll go to school today. Mom replies that she does think he'll go. Calvin reiterates that he doesn't think he'll go. Calvin, standing at the bus stop, says "Rats". 1,68; 3,77
04/05/86 Calvin and Hobbes, lying in their sleeping bags in their tent, wish each other a good night. As we look at the tent in the moonlight, one of them asks if the other believes in ghosts. We then see both of them, wide-eyed and teeth clenched, with a baseball bat awaiting the daylight. 1,68; 3,77
04/06/86 Calvin's lunch bag attacks him. After a titanic struggle, Calvin kills it with his thermos. He shows Susie that the lunch is bleeding jelly. Susie now realizes why the seat next to Calvin wasn't taken. 1,69; 3,78
04/07/86 Calvin believes there is a boy in communist Russia who has only known censorship and oppression. He believes this boy may have heard of America, where you can live in a land of freedom and opportunity. Calvin would like to meet that little boy.....and tell him the awful truth. Dad tells him to be quiet and to eat his lima beans. 1,70; 3,79
04/08/86 Calvin tells Hobbes that when he gets ready to take his bath, he puts his ducky in first. Hobbes asks if that's for companionship. Calvin informs him that it's to test for sharks. 1,70; 3,79
04/09/86 Calvin and Hobbes go treasure hunting. Calvin has an ancient map that says where to dig. Hobbes is surprised to find a wallet full of money right where the map said. Calvin admits that it's Dad's wallet that Calvin buried last week. 1,70; 3,79
04/10/86 Spaceman Spiff spies a Zarg. He readies his blaster. Susie turns around and warns Calvin that if he shoots her with that paper clip, she'll have him hauled to the principal's office so fast he'll think he's in a time warp. Spiff is confounded by his jammed blaster. 1,71; 3,80
04/11/86 Mom notices Hobbes has a torn seam and gets the sewing kit to repair him. Hobbes says it's just a little cut, and that no surgery is required. Calvin tells Hobbes he's just getting a couple stitches and wonders what the big deal is. Hobbes informs him that Mom doesn't use any anesthetic. 1,71; 3,80
04/12/86 Hobbes sits up in bed and tells Calvin he had a peculiar dream. Hobbes explains he dreamed he was fighting a ferocious weasel and wonders what it means. Calvin rolls over from the covers, and we see he's all torn up. Calvin angrily tells Hobbes it means he will be sleeping on the floor tonight and calls him a nincompoop. 1,71; 3,80
04/13/86 Calvin poses a moral question to Hobbes. If Calvin did something bad, would he have to tell Dad about it? Hobbes questions him about how bad a thing it was. Calvin hypothetically might have done something really bad to the car. Hobbes probes about how easily the car could be fixed. Calvin figures if he could find the car, it could be fixed. Given all that, Hobbes grabs a suitcase as Calvin brushes up on his Spanish with "I am el fugitivo". 1,72; 3,81
04/14/86 Calvin pleads to Dad that he wants to stay up late. After all, he can. Calvin says it's not fair. Dad acknowledges that life isn't fair. Calvin wants life to be unfair in his favor. 1,73; 3,82
04/15/86Spaceman Spiff is being chased by a scum being. He spots his hovering spaceship and heads for the ladder. As he climbs, the scum being is upon him, and he knows he's too late. Miss Wormwood has told Calvin three times that recess is over and to get inside. 1,73; 3,82
04/16/86 Calvin, in a paper hat and standing in his treehouse, declares as dictator that he is the sole voice of government. He'll tolerate no dissent. He alone will decide the good. As he keeps proclaiming, Mom comes up and tells him it's time for bed. As she carries him to the house, he asks whether they can vote on it. 1,73; 3,82
04/17/86 Calvin asks Hobbes what he'd wish for if he could have anything. Hobbes wants a big, sunny field to be in. Calvin incredulously says "A stupid field!?" He tells Hobbes to think big, about riches, power, anything. Hobbes just lies down and takes a nap. Calvin looks at him and says it's hard to argue with someone who looks so happy. 1,74; 3,83
04/18/86 Calvin stands on a pier with a bucket in his hand. He calls "Here fish!" and holds the bucket out. Nothing happens. Calvin figures they must know that one. 1,74; 3,83
04/19/86 As Calvin sits on a rock with his fishing line in the water, a fish crawls up on the rock and bites Calvin in the butt. Hobbes comes by and asks if the fish are biting. Calvin tells him to drop dead. 1,74; 3,83
04/20/86 Calvin has a cough, so Mom heads off to get cough medicine. Calvin tells he it was Hobbes coughing. Hobbes says it was not, but Calvin tells him the cough syrup tastes awful. Hobbes refuses to take the medicine. Mom comes into the room and gives it to Calvin as he loudly protests that Hobbes was coughing. Calvin gags on the medicine. He then tries to convince Hobbes it tastes real good and to try some. Hobbes isn't buying that story. 1,75; 3,84
04/21/86 Calvin, trying to build a model airplane, can't get it to look right. He complains the directions are impossible. In a fit of anger, he smashes the model with a hammer. He then declares the airplane a victim of antiaircraft fire. Hobbes notes Calvin's planes do seem to run into those. 1,76; 3,85
04/22/86 Calvin tells Hobbes that Tommy told a funny story at school. Hobbes wants to hear it. Hands on hips, Calvin admits the story itself wasn't very funny, but the way Tommy told it was. Tommy was drinking milk and when he laughed, it went up his nose. 1,76; 3,85
04/23/86 Moe tells Calvin he has two periods to live. He warns him that in gym class, Calvin will be turned into hamburger casserole. As Calvin walks off, he says he hates gym class. The coach thinks violence is aerobic. 1,76; 3,85
04/24/86 Calvin yells "Where's my jacket?". He says he's looked everywhere. He's looked under the bed, over the chair, the stairs, the floor, the kitchen. Then he finds it and complains about who put it in the closet. 1,77; 3,86
04/25/86 Calvin waves his hands and says "Hocus-Pocus. Abracadabra!" He commands his homework to do itself. He opens his textbooks, sees the homework isn't done, and says "Rats". 1,77; 3,86
04/26/86 Calvin and Hobbes are lying in the grass on the hill. Calvin asks if Hobbes ever thinks about the end of the world as they know it. Hobbes asks if he means nuclear war. Calvin clarifies he was referring to Mom catching him letting the air out of the car tires. 1,77; 3,86
04/27/86 Hobbes is sitting in the wagon at the top of the hill. Calvin is standing in skates with an umbrella in his hand. He asks if Calvin thinks this will work. Calvin is sure. Down the hill they go, racing around trees, crashing over bumps, until finally they fly off the end of the pier into the lake. Calvin yells that he's flying. In the water, Hobbes asks how it was. Calvin thinks it is great, and that they should get some other kids and charge them for the ride. 1,78; 3,87
04/28/86 Spaceman Spiff, in his spacecraft, closes in on the Zargons. He's going to teach that alien scum that virtue is its own reward. Susie asks Calvin what the capital of Poland until 1600 was. He replies "Krakow". Susie thanks him as Calvin keeps shooting at the Zargons...krakow, krakow, two direct hits. 1,79; 3,88
04/29/86 The tyrannosaurus lumbers across the valley. He's three stories call with six-inch teeth. He comes upon a tribe of cavemen trying to flee. He devours them one by one. Calvin is roaring as he drops popcorn into his mouth. Mom yells at him to eat quietly. 1,79; 3,88
04/30/86 Calvin asks Hobbes what a word in his book means. Hobbes looks at the word and turns frizzy with his eyes opening wide. He tells Calvin he doesn't know. Calvin yells that he does, too, know. He wants to find a dictionary. 1,79; 3,88
05/01/86 Calvin asks to watch the "Killer Prom Queen" on TV. Mom says no. Calvin asks if he has to eat the slimy asparagus. Mom says yes. Calvin asks if he can stay up until midnight. Mom says no. Calvin decides there is an inverse relationship between how good something is for you and how much fun it is. 1,80; 3,89
05/02/86 Calvin wants to see what happens when popcorn is popped without a lid. First one, then several kernels go flying out of the pan. Calvin thinks that's more fun than exploding a potato in the microwave. 1,80; 3,89
05/03/86 Mom tells Calvin they're going to the store. Calvin wants to bring Hobbes, but Mom tells him to leave Hobbes at home. Calvin yells that he wants Hobbes to come with them. We see Calvin carrying Hobbes out the door saying if you can't win with reason, go for volume. 1,80; 3,89
05/04/86 Everyone is going out to dinner. Calvin is taking a bath, while Hobbes uses Dad's cologne, wears a tie and sport coat, looking like something out of "GQ". As they're sitting at the restaurant, with Hobbes in a chair of his own, Dad is wondering how he got talked into this. Calvin is asking the waitress for the wine list. 1,81; 3,90
05/05/86 Mom and Dad are talking about the $200 contractor bill. Mom offers that it's all part of raising a child. She then asks Dad if he's sorry they had Calvin. He asks her the same thing. Mom won't answer since she asked first. She suggests it wasn't all her decision. Dad counters with his remembering his original offer to buy a dachshund, but she didn't want that. 1,82; 3,91; 14,23
05/06/86 Calvin and Hobbes are lying on their backs on the hill. Hobbes asks if Calvin believes there is a God. Calvin thinks about it, and decides that somebody's out to get him. 1,82; 3,91
05/07/86 Spaceman Spiff closes in on the alien vehicle. The alien is unaware of its imminent doom. Spiff readies his frap-ray blaster. Calvin has a book in his hand, standing on his desk, ready to smack Susie on the head. Susie calls for Miss Wormwood. Calvin calls for evasive action from the Gorkon death station. 1,82; 3,91
05/08/86 Calvin lines up his tee shot. He hits the ball. He goes to see the result and notes that he got another hole-in-one. The shot has been made easier by the shovel sitting next to the enlarged hole. 1,83; 3,92
05/09/86 Calvin pulls three new magazines out of the mailbox. He tells Hobbes that he got five more the day before. Calvin loves getting all this mail. Hobbes asks why he's getting all these magazines. Calvin explains that he went to the library and filled out all the cards that said "Bill Me Later". 1,83; 3,92
05/10/86 Calvin and Hobbes are sitting in the chair, eating cereal, watching cartoons. Calvin comments on the classic humor and that these cartoons are what entertainment is all about. Idiots, explosives, and falling anvils. 1,83; 3,92
05/11/86 Calvin and Hobbes are fishing. Hobbes doesn't want to put his worm on the hook. Neither does Calvin. Calvin decides to dump the worms into the water and net the fish when they come up for the worms. No fish comes, as the worms get soggy and sink. Calvin says they should go get some fast food hamburgers, which come in neat little boxes. Hobbes wonders who would want something that ate worms, anyway. 1,84; 3,93
05/12/86 Calvin, the human insect, walks across the table. With his insect strength, he places a pea on the end of a spoon. He climbs atop the other end. Calvin launches the pea off his spoon as Dad yells at him to stop that. 1,85; 3,94
05/13/86 Calvin, still a human insect, takes ten minutes to walk across the book's page. He slowly lifts the gigantic page. He then has a ten minute walk back across the turned page. Dad comments Calvin has been quiet for twenty minutes. Mom reminds him Calvin is doing his homework. 1,85; 3,94
05/14/86 Calvin sees a movie he wants to watch. Hobbes asks what it is, and Calvin replies the listing says "Japanese cast". He reads the description of two rubbery monsters slugging it out over major metropolitan centers in a battle for world supremacy. Calvin thinks that sounds great, while Hobbes ponders that people say foreign film is inaccessible. 1,85; 3,94
05/15/86 Rosalyn, the baby sitter, comes to the door. Mom thanks her for coming on such short notice. She mentions they've had a difficult time finding a sitter. Mom has the notion Calvin has gotten a reputation. Rosalyn asks for half her money up front as Mom goes for her purse. 1,86; 3,95
05/16/86 Rosalyn is lying on the sofa, talking to her boyfriend on the phone. She tells him she's baby sitting Calvin. The boyfriend wonders if she's having any problems. Rosalyn says no. She says you have to show kids who's boss. Calvin and Hobbes are in the garage. Calvin asks Hobbes how much longer it will be till Rosalyn lets them out. Hobbes says she told them 8:00, and it's almost 6:30 now. 1,86; 3,95
05/17/86 Mom thanks Rosalyn for baby-sitting. Rosalyn says Calvin was no trouble. Dad offers to drive Rosalyn home. They say their good nights. As Dad drives home, Calvin pops out of the back seat asking if she's gone. 1,86; 3,95
05/18/86 The baby sitter arrives as Mom and Dad are going out. Calvin declares that she isn't his Mom, so he doesn't have to pay attention to her. Calvin will do whatever he wants to, so he tells her to stay out of the way. The baby sitter shows Calvin a list of emergency phone numbers that was left. She warns him about him not wanting her to call any of those numbers. Calvin says it's 6:30, so he'll turn in. The baby sitter says for eight bucks a night, she doesn't put up with much. 1,87; 3,96
05/19/86 Calvin and Hobbes are roasting marshmallows under the moonlight. Hobbes asks where their tent is, since the scoutmaster told them to set the tents up. Calvin replies that when he was told to pitch the tent, he threw it away. 1,88; 3,97
05/20/86 Calvin and Hobbes are hiking along, and Calvin comments on how the best part of the hikes is seeing all the wildlife. Suddenly, he yells, "Look! A tiger!" Hobbes' eyes bulge out as he looks over his shoulder in terror. Since there was no tiger, Calvin smiles and turns around to walk away. Hobbes tells Calvin not to do that. 1,88; 3,97
05/21/86 Calvin claims they are hopelessly lost and separated from the troop. They're left in the wild to survive by their wits unaided. One of the other scouts comes over, tells Calvin the scoutmaster wants him to pick up his stuffed tiger and get his rear in gear. As they hike along, Calvin whispers to Hobbes that they'll try to lose them again over the next hill. 1,88; 3,97; 14,31
05/22/86 Hobbes pokes his head into the tent and tells Calvin to grab the hot dogs. The troop's cooking dinner over the fire. Calvin walks back to the tent and complains that he's been carrying around a microwave for nothing. 1,89; 3,98
05/23/86 Calvin serves the volleyball. Hobbes jumps up and spikes it down. Calvin grabs the volleyball and says they should leave. They are standing next to a tennis net, and someone is coming to use the court. 1,89; 3,98
05/24/86 The crocodile floats on the water. It appears to be a harmless log. A hippopotamus approaches. Calvin is floating toward Dad as he stands in the pool. Closer...closer. 1,89; 3,98
05/25/86 Calvin asks Mom if he can have a cigarette. She gives him one of grandfather's that were left there. She tells him to smoke it outside. Calvin thinks Mom is pretty cool sometimes. He lights it up, takes a puff, and starts hacking. Hobbes thinks smoking would be an easy habit to break. Mom comes out and asks if Calvin learned a lesson today. Calvin says yes, that trusting parents can be hazardous to your health. 1,90; 3,99
05/26/86 Calvin runs into the house and yells to Mom that a big dog knocked him down and stole Hobbes. He holds her leg while saying he tried to catch him but couldn't. He's lost his best friend. Mom tells him that if he didn't carry Hobbes around everywhere, things like that wouldn't happen. Calvin says there isn't any problem you can't add guilt to and make it worse. 1,91; 3,100; 14,33
05/27/86 Calvin looks out his bedroom window at night. He can't sleep worrying about Hobbes. He sniffles and wonders what he's done to deserve this. He sticks his head out the window and yells whatever it was, he's sorry already. 1,91; 3,100; 14,33
05/28/86 Calvin writes out a flyer saying Hobbes is lost. Mom suggests he describe Hobbes. Calvin writes that he's quiet, somewhat peculiar, a good companion in a weird way. Mom tells him that she meant to write what he looks like. 1,91; 3,100; 14,34
05/29/86 Susie Derkins is walking along and comes upon Hobbes lying in the grass. She notices it looks like a dog has been chewing on him. She picks him up, figuring a tea party with other stuffed animals might not hurt. 1,92; 3,101; 14,34
05/30/86 Calvin is walking along a wall yelling for Hobbes. Susie asks if Calvin would like to join her tea party. Calvin angrily declines, saying he's looking for his friend who's been kidnapped by a dog. Susie sits at her tea set talking to Mr. Tiger (Hobbes) about how rude Mr. Calvin is. 1,92; 3,101; 14,35
05/31/86 Calvin decides to ask Susie to keep an eye open for Hobbes. When he goes back to tell her, he sees Hobbes at the tea set. Calvin kisses Susie's hand and thanks her profusely for finding Hobbes. Susie talks to her rabbit about what a gentleman Mr. Calvin is, but notices all the cookies are gone. 1,92; 3,101; 14,35
06/01/86 Calvin complains about the smell of dinner cooking. Mom tells him she's stewing some monkey heads, and they'll be soggy enough to eat in twenty minutes. Calvin ponders whether or not they're really monkey heads. He decides to try them. At the dinner table, Calvin is overjoyed to be eating. He wonders if he has some brains or nose on his plate. He didn't think they'd be so rubbery. Dad thought these were stuffed peppers. He refuses to eat dinner as Mom covers her face with her hand. 1,93; 3,102
06/02/86 Calvin asks Susie if she wants to know a secret. Calvin tells her he thinks the principal is a space alien spy. He goes on to say the spy is corrupting their minds so they'll be unable to resist when his people invade earth. He asks Susie not to tell anyone. She reassures him not to worry. 1,94; 3,103
06/03/86 Calvin asks Hobbes what he should do when Moe comes to beat him up in gym class. Hobbes offers the thing tigers do when a rhino charges, climbing up the nearest tree. Calvin laments that advice. Hobbes muses that it doesn't impress the girls, but it's better than impressing them and getting killed. 1,94; 3,103
06/04/86 Calvin wants Hobbes to help him with Moe at school. Calvin wants Hobbes to eat Moe. Hobbes is shocked. Calvin explains that tigers eat people all the time. Hobbes questions if the cafeteria ladies will let him use the oven. 1,94; 3,103
06/05/86 Calvin is complaining about it being too early to be in bed. Hobbes is lying next to him. Calvin goes on to say he isn't even tired, it's the stupidest thing he can imagine, and that Mom and Dad are trying to get rid of him. He says he can't sleep and asks Hobbes if he can. Hobbes angrily turns around and tells Calvin "NO!" 1,95; 3,104
06/06/86 Calvin tells Mom that he and Hobbes have formed a lobby and want more privileges. Mom wonders what he's referring to, as he has it made. He has no responsibilities, no cares, no worries. What else could he want? As they walk away, Hobbes asks why he didn't ask about the credit cards in their names. Calvin dismisses it by saying Mom was in one of her moods. 1,95; 3,104
06/07/86 Calvin happily hops out of bed saying he loves Saturdays. He gets up at six, has three bowls of crunchy sugar bombs, watches television till noon, and is incoherent and hyperactive the rest of the day. Calvin proudly says he has no brothers or sisters so far. 1,95; 3,104
06/08/86 Spaceman Spiff is in his spacecraft. He fires his hyper-jets and blasts into the fifth dimension. Into a world beyond human comprehension, where time has no meaning. Calvin sits at his desk in class thinking this class lasts forever. 1,96; 3,105
06/09/86 Calvin, with a cola bottle in hand, tells Hobbes the commercials say drinking that cola increases one's sex appeal. He proceeds to gulp down the cola. Calvin launches a huge burp which has Hobbes wide-eyed and jumping in the air. Hobbes thinks that might be a little license on Madison Avenue's part. Calvin, meanwhile, says it went right up his nose. 1,97; 3,106
06/10/86 Calvin wants the right to vote. He feels he has no representation. Hobbes asks if he's concerned with the direction the country is taking. Calvin says he just wants a bigger piece of the pie. 1,97; 3,106
06/11/86 Calvin blows a huge bubble that pops. He has gum all over his face. He thinks he blew his face inside out. 1,98; 3,106; 14,32
06/12/86 Calvin is taking a bath and complains the water is too cold. After an adjustment, the water is too hot. After another adjustment, the water is too cold again. One more adjustment, but now it's too deep. 1,99; 3,107
06/13/86 The fearsome shark senses distress in the water above. He circles in closer to the victim. Calvin rises up from the tub, teeth snapping, splashing water all over Mom. She comments that for someone who hates baths, he's not making things go any faster. 1,99; 3,107
06/14/86 Dad shows Calvin a magic trick. He pulls a dime out of Calvin's ear. Calvin gives a sinister expression. Hobbes is holding Calvin upside down shaking him. Hobbes wants to know if anything has happened yet. Calvin replies nothing but a bloody nose. 1,98; 3,107
06/15/86 Calvin comes into his parents' bedroom wishing Dad a Happy Father's Day. Calvin tells him that today, he will live by Dad's principles of fatherly wisdom. Unfortunately, it's five o'clock in the morning. Calvin reminds Dad about early to bed, early to rise. Calvin tells Dad he would have bought him a present, but a penny saved is a penny earned. Since Calvin is getting interest on the money he isn't spending, Calvin is a happier, better person from Dad's teachings. Mom grumbles "Good work, Socrates" to Dad. Dad comments that he knew they made a mistake when he saw that little bologna loaf in the hospital bassinet. 1,100; 3,108
06/16/86 Calvin and Hobbes are sitting on a tree branch. Calvin comments about never having been that high in a tree before. Hobbes notes that you can see for miles. Calvin says that was quite a crash, as we see the wagon lodged into a lower branch than the one they're on. 1,101; 3,109
06/17/86 Calvin happily notes that it's stopped raining. He tells Hobbes this is the best time for wormucking. Hobbes asks what that is. Calvin explains that you walk on the pavement and muck all the worms. 1,101; 3,109
06/18/86 Calvin and Hobbes are running through the house as Mom yells for them to stop it. Suddenly, there are sounds of crashing. Mom asks Calvin what she had just told him. Calvin replies that it beats him, wasn't she listening either? 1,101; 3,109
06/19/86 Calvin and Hobbes are playing. Calvin shoots Hobbes and claims that he's dead. Hobbes says that Calvin missed. Calvin calls Hobbes a cheater, but Hobbes tells him that he's standing there talking to him. Calvin shoots again. Hobbes tells Calvin what a miserable shot he is. 1,102; 3,110
06/20/86 Dad yells to Calvin to hurry up. They have a 7:00 reservation. Calvin wants to bring Hobbes along. Dad explains that Hobbes would probably eat someone at the restaurant, so he can't come along. Calvin tells Hobbes that he probably would do that. Hobbes acknowledges he can never stay on a diet in a restaurant. 1,102; 3,110
06/21/86 Pirate Calvin yells for his crew to prepare. There is a frigate to board. He calls for the raising of the skull and crossbones. He calls for the preparation of the plank. Hobbes tells him their ship is a plank. Calvin tells Hobbes, the wise guy, that he'll walk it. 1,102; 3,110
06/22/86 Calvin and Hobbes are playing baseball. Calvin hits the ball and runs. They throw the ball back and forth a few times as Calvin runs. Calvin tells Hobbes that was a nice double play. He asks who's out. Hobbes tells him it depends if he's on Hobbes' team or if Hobbes is on Calvin's team. 1,103; 3,111
06/23/86 Hobbes tells Calvin not to move because a bee landed on his back. Calvin squirms around and wants Hobbes to get it off. Hobbes tells him to be still and not imagine that it crawls down his shirt and into his pants. Calvin jumps way into the air as Hobbes comments that Calvin imagined it. 1,104; 3,112
06/24/86 Hobbes places the end of the toilet paper roll into the toilet, and Calvin tells him to flush it. As they flush it, toilet paper unrolls into the drain. Calvin and Hobbes heartily laugh. They decide to do it again. Downstairs, Mom tells Dad she doesn't want to know what Calvin's doing. Dad says he doesn't either, so off they go to check. 1,104; 3,112
06/25/86 Calvin tells Hobbes he's had trouble choosing a new hobby. He thought about collecting bugs, then stamps. Hobbes asks what he decided on. As Calvin raises his foot, he tells Hobbes stamped bugs. 1,104; 3,112
06/26/86 Calvin complains that everyone has cable TV or a VCR. He rants on about having to watch summer repeats. Dad comments on how cruelly mistreated Calvin is. In his room, Calvin tells Hobbes that Dad gave him a copy of "Oliver Twist" so that he could identify with it. Hobbes is upset because "Sorority Row Horror" is on cable. 1,105; 3,113
06/27/86 Calvin tells Hobbes he has a helium balloon. Calvin is going to stand on a ladder and let the balloon take him up and away. Nothing happens. Hobbes suggests he jump off the ladder. Calvin does, and promptly plows his face into the ground. Hobbes notes the balloon has, however, flown into the sky. He says Calvin should have held on. 1,105; 3,113
06/28/86 Calvin stands naked in the toilet. He flushes and spins around. He hops out, walks by Mom, informs her he's done with his bath. She believes that was a little too quick. 1,105; 3,113
06/29/86 Dad is trying to concentrate on his driving. There's lots of traffic around. Calvin and Hobbes start making faces at each other, trying to get each other to laugh. As they're laughing, Dad turns around and yells at them that he told them to be quiet. Calvin says that they were having a weird face contest, but that fit's over. Dad won. 1,106; 3,114
06/30/86 Dad pokes his head into Calvin's bedroom and wonders what all the ruckus is about. He sees feathers in the room. He asks Calvin whether he's tearing up pillows. Calvin clarifies that a herd of ducks flew in the window, molted, and left when Dad came in. After Dad leaves, Hobbes angrily notes there's no dessert for a week due to the bogus alibi. Calvin retorts that Hobbes wasn't offering any brainstorms. 1,107; 3,115
07/01/86 Calvin boasts to Hobbes that he has a water balloon, while Hobbes doesn't. Calvin has the offensive superiority. He asks Hobbes what he's going to do about it. Hobbes thinks he'll pick up a stick and poke Calvin's water balloon. As Calvin stands soaked with water, he notes that weapons technology gets obsolete so quickly. 1,107; 3,115
07/02/86 Calvin tells Hobbes not to move. Hobbes asks why. Calvin explains the ugliest, fuzziest caterpillar he's ever seen is about to chomp Hobbes' bottom. Hobbes yells for him to kill it. Calvin stomps on Hobbes' tail. Hobbes yells in pain. As Calvin is chased by Hobbes, Calvin tells Hobbes he has no appreciation for physical humor. 1,107; 3,115
07/03/86 Calvin is walking by with a bucket in his hand. Hobbes asks where he's going. Calvin replies he's going to the other side of the lake. Hobbes asks what the bucket is for. Calvin tells him it's to drain the lake. 1,108; 3,116
07/04/86 Lying under a tree, Hobbes tells Calvin that what he likes most about summer days is that they're made for doing things. They continue to lie under the tree as Hobbes says even if it's nothing. Calvin adds that it's the case especially if it's nothing. 1,108; 3,116
07/05/86 Standing by the edge of the water, Calvin says this looks like a great place to catch a crawdad. Hobbes asks what they'll do with one if they catch it. Calvin says they won't have to worry about that. Hobbes asks Calvin if that means he doesn't know what a crawdad is, either. 1,108; 3,116
07/06/86 The family has gone to the beach for a getaway. Calvin and Hobbes run across the sand. They yelp with pain from the hot sand. Finally, they reach the water and jump in. And right out they come, yelping with pain from the cold of the water. Then, they again yelp with pain from the hot sand as they return to the car. As Dad points to Calvin and Hobbes sitting in the car, Dad tells Mom they haven't driven an hour and a half for this. 1,109; 3,117
07/07/86 From the back seat of the car, Calvin asks Mom and Dad when they'll be at the vacation spot. Calvin is told it's an eight-hour drive and they haven't left the state yet. They tell him to relax. Calvin looks out the window. He asks how much longer now. Mom and Dad both say "I told you we should have flown". 1,110; 3,119
07/08/86 Still on their trip, Dad points out there is a restaurant coming up. He asks if anyone wants to stop. Calvin replies "only if they have hamburgers". Dad rails about how all they've eaten on the trip are hamburgers. He wants to eat something else for once. Calvin breaks out into singing "ten million bottles of beer on the wall". Dad gives up and tells Calvin they're stopping at a hamburger joint. 1,110; 3,119
07/09/86 Calvin tells Dad he needs to go to the bathroom. Dad mentions they've just left the restaurant. He wants Calvin to think of something else. Calvin can only think of Niagara Falls, Hoover Dam, Noah's Ark. Suddenly, Mom decides she needs to go, as well. As Dad sits in the car at the gas station, he thinks he'll take a vacation by himself next year. 1,110; 3,119
07/10/86 They finally arrive. Dad is rehashing the excruciating trip. Eight hours with a hyperactive six-year-old. At their lakeside campground, Dad says Calvin can run around and scream all he wants. Calvin promptly tells Dad that he's bored. Dad puts his arm around Calvin and offers to show Calvin how an anchor works. 1,111; 3,120
07/11/86 Dad gets up in the morning to greet the sunrise. He's happy to have an early swim and a morning on the boat. By 9:00, he's back with the fish he's caught for breakfast. As he comes to the table with his cooked fish, Mom is huddled over a cup of coffee. She tells him to eat his dead animals, she wants coffee. Calvin wonders why there isn't any TV in the camp. 1,111; 3,120
07/12/86 Calvin catches a fish and proudly shows Dad. Dad comments on what a big fish it is, and that he'll show Calvin how to clean it so they can have it for dinner. Calvin has never heard of cleaning fish, so Dad explains that you cut off its head and gut it. At the dinner table, Calvin is helping himself to another cheese sandwich. He happily comments on their being no bones in them. 1,111; 3,120
07/13/86 Calvin and Hobbes are having a squirt gun fight in the house. They chase after one another and wrestle throughout the house. Finally, Mom tells them that if they're going to tear around do it outside. Calvin and Hobbes sit on the step, looking out into the yard. 1,112; 3,118
07/14/86 Calvin and Hobbes are out in the canoe. Calvin sees the dim outline of a whale. Hobbes thinks it was a rock. Calvin sees a giant eel slithering up from the bottom. Hobbes thinks it was a weed. Calvin sees the mast of a Spanish galleon sunk hundreds of years ago. Hobbes says it's a branch. Calvin comments on how boring it is, and that he wishes there was a movie theater nearby. 1,113; 3,121
07/15/86 Calvin and Hobbes decide to go fishing. Fishing is one sport Calvin really likes. Calvin is on the end of the fishing line, held up by Hobbes' pole. Calvin has a bat in his hand and is trying to hit the fish. Hobbes says he understands since it's so contemplative. 1,113; 3,121
07/16/86 Calvin is ready to cast his fishing line. His hook has caught on the back of his pants. As he sends the line out, he goes with it. He splashes into the water. But out of the water he comes with a fish in his hands, a smile on his face. 1,113; 3,121
07/17/86 Calvin and Hobbes are sitting on a log roasting wieners. The hot dogs catch fire. Calvin stomps on his hot dog, while Hobbes smacks his into the ground to put out the fires. Hobbes says he doesn't like food that's cooked outside. Calvin thinks it all tastes the same. 1,114; 3,122
07/18/86 Calvin tells Hobbes that flowers are stupid. He comments that while the sun is shining, he can water the plants so they think it's raining. Calvin says it's fun to mess with their minds. 1,114; 3,122
07/19/86 Calvin has mutated into a giant fly. He flies around looking for decaying flesh. He follows the unbearable stench in the air. In the kitchen, Mom tells Calvin not to be gross and to take out the trash. 1,114; 3,122
07/20/86 Calvin drinks a magic elixir and starts to grow. He gets bigger and bigger. The giant goes on a rampage, striking fear into the hearts of the populace. There's panic in the streets, a town lies in ruins. Mom tells Calvin she will not buy him more toy cars, she saw him deliberately stomping on the ones he already has. 1,115; 3,123
07/21/86 Mom calls for Calvin to come to his swimming lessons. Calvin yells that he doesn't want swimming lessons. He asks whether Hobbes is signed up. Mom tells him it's not too good to get tigers wet. Calvin asks Hobbes why that is. Hobbes replies it takes all day to dry and until then, they smell funny. 1,116; 3,124
07/22/86 Calvin can't believe his Mom signed him up for swimming lessons. As he stands next to the pool in his trunks, he complains about freezing his buns off at 9 in the morning. He knows he'll jump in the ice water and drown. He thinks the only way things could be worse was if the class was being taught by his sadistic baby sitter. Rosalyn is standing there in her swim suit and says "Look who's here". 1,116; 3,124
07/23/86 Rosalyn calls for everyone to get into the pool. Calvin refuses, saying he's freezing already. Rosalyn asks Calvin if he knows what a "rat tail" is. She explains what it is and says it's worse than being cold. Calvin is in the pool saying he thought lifeguards were just taught how to resuscitate people and things like that. 1,116; 3,124
07/24/86 Calvin complains about the cold water. He's sure he'll go into shock and drown. He thinks the lifeguard is involved in an insurance scam and is trying to drown everyone. Rosalyn announces they're going to learn the "deadman's float". Calvin screams for his Mom. Rosalyn, with her hand over her face, laments what she puts up with to pay for college. 1,117; 3,125
07/25/86 Calvin crawls out of the pool saying he doesn't want to learn how to swim. He says he doesn't need to know how and will always stay on land. Rosalyn asks what he'll do if he falls out of a boat. Calvin puts on a huge preserver vest and says "No big deal". 1,117; 3,125
07/26/86 Calvin gets into the car, complaining to Mom about the forty minutes of terror. He wonders why he can't have hang gliding or sharpshooting lessons, maybe driving lessons. Mom tells him he starts piano lessons Tuesday. Calvin yells. 1,117; 3,125
07/27/86 Calvin the fly buzzes along looking for dead meat. He darts this way and that, but he flies into a spider web. The fly tries to escape the web, but it's no use. Soon, his innards will be sucked out by the spider. Hobbes is standing next to Calvin, who's tangled up in the hammock. Hobbes tells Calvin he was going to join him, but he thinks he'll forget it. 1,118; 3,126
07/28/86 Susie Derkins comes up to Calvin and Hobbes sitting under a tree. She asks what they're doing. Calvin hustles her away by saying they're doing important secret things. Susie calls Calvin a dandelion head and decides she doesn't care what he's doing. Calvin reiterates they're having fun and doing great things. After Susie is gone, Hobbes says that he thought they were bored out of their skulls. Calvin tells him he doesn't know anything. 1,119; 3,127
07/29/86 Susie is walking back complaining that Calvin is so mean. She tries to be friends, but he treats her like a nobody. Susie feels she doesn't need a friend. She can have fun by herself. As she sits alone on a rock with a stick in her hand, she dejectedly says "Poop". 1,119; 3,127
07/30/86 Calvin approaches Susie and tells her she can play with them if she wants. Susie thanks Calvin and proceeds to establish the rules of the game. She'll be the high-powered executive wife, Hobbes can be the unemployed, housekeeping husband, and Calvin can be the bratty and brainless kid in the day care center. Off Susie goes to Wall Street. Calvin reminds Hobbes this was his idea and calls Hobbes a pea brain. Hobbes scolds Calvin for talking that way to his father. 1,119; 3,127
07/31/86 Spaceman Spiff is trying to outrun aliens. He shifts into reverse. As the aliens pass, Spiff shifts to forward and chases the aliens. The aliens turn around, so Spiff shifts back into reverse. Calvin, riding in a swing, feels he's getting sick. 1,120; 3,128
08/01/86 Hobbes makes the pitch. Calvin hits the ball with his bat. He looks around for the ball. The ball is stuck to the bat, and Calvin accuses Hobbes of throwing a spitball. 1,120; 3,128
08/02/86 As Calvin comes down the hill on his skates, he yells for Hobbes to tell him how to stop. Hobbes tells him to steer into a gravel driveway and fall down. Calvin skrunches to a stop. He trudges up the hill, all torn up, as Hobbes clarifies that was only a suggestion. 1,120; 3,128
08/03/86 Calvin attacks Hobbes with a squirt gun. Hobbes strikes back by smacking Calvin with a water balloon. Calvin goes for supreme retaliation with the garden hose. He comments on how nothing can match the hose for water volume. He ponders whether Hobbes went so far as to...Hobbes comes around the corner of the fence dragging the swimming pool with him. 1,121; 3,129
08/04/86 Calvin sees something in the dirt and says it must be a fossil. He picks up a coat hangar and wonders what peculiar animal that was. He knows it's not a bone and comments it might be a primitive hunting weapon or an eating utensil for cave men. He muses it might have a religious function. Hobbes now knows why Calvin's clothes stay on the floor. 1,122; 3,130
08/05/86 Calvin is making a sign declaring the creek back in the woods "Calvin's Creek". He informs Hobbes that when you discover something, you can name it and put up a sign. Hobbes wonders what happens if you didn't really discover it. Calvin says that he did discover it because there isn't any other sign at the creek. When they arrive at the creek, there is already a sign. The sign reads "Hobs Crk", as Hobbes rolls his eyes and tries to look innocent. 1,122; 3,130
08/06/86 Calvin asks Mom whether he and Hobbes can go play in the rain. Mom says no, he'll get soaked. Calvin asks what's so bad about that. Mom explains about catching pneumonia, running up a big hospital bill, and dying. Up in their room looking out at the rain, Calvin says he forgot that when he asks Mom something, he always gets a worst-case scenario. Hobbes mentions he didn't know those little showers were so dangerous. 1,122; 3,130
08/07/86 Calvin asks Hobbes if he wants to go spelunking with him. Hobbes says there aren't any caves around. Calvin says you don't need a cave, only a rock. Calvin throws a rock into a puddle. Spelunk goes the water. 1,123; 3,131
08/08/86 Calvin asks Dad if he's off to work. Calvin tells him it's a shame that he's on summer vacation and can stay home doing whatever he wants to. He sends Dad off to join the rat race, reminding him that he and Mom are racking up lots of expenses. Calvin explains that he does that so Dad appreciates the weekends more. 1,123; 3,131
08/09/86 Hobbes pushes Calvin down the hill in the wagon. Calvin comments on how hot it is. Hobbes agrees with him, saying he dislikes the humidity. After Calvin clarifies that Hobbes doesn't like humidity, he suggests Hobbes get out of the wagon quickly. The wagon is about two feet away from rolling into the water. 1,123; 3,131
08/10/86 Calvin and Hobbes have a foot race. Faster and faster they go until, finally, they lie on the grass exhausted. Calvin can't believe it. There was no sonic boom, not even a "pop". Hobbes disagrees, saying he heard a pop but thinks it was his lungs. 1,124; 3,132
08/11/86 Calvin asks Mom what's for dinner. Mom tells him salmon. Calvin makes a face with his tongue stuck out. Mom tells him that one day his face will freeze like that. Calvin gets an evil grin and thinks "Wow!". 1,125; 3,133
08/12/86 Calvin is walking around with his face twisted and tongue hanging out. Hobbes asks what's wrong with Calvin. Calvin explained that since Mom told him his face would freeze like that, he's giving it a try. As Calvin heads off making his face, Hobbes falls in behind him making his own twisted face. Hobbes says he always liked gargoyles. 1,125; 3,133
08/13/86 Dad tells Calvin not to make faces at the dinner table. Calvin tells him about what Mom had said and indicates his face is now frozen like that. Dad tells him it isn't, but Calvin says he's now horribly disfigured for life. After Dad tells him he isn't, Calvin says he won't spoil dinner. He puts on a hooded mask and says he's like the elephant man. 1,125; 3,133
08/14/86 Calvin and Hobbes, both making faces, come up to Susie. Calvin figures she'll be horrified at their frozen faces. They exchange pleasant greetings, then Susie asks if Calvin got his head stuck in a blender. She says it's an improvement. 1,126; 3,134
08/15/86 Dad is preparing a cookout, and Calvin asks if the coals are hot. Dad tells him yes, that he's about ready to put on the hamburgers. Calvin asks if, before putting the burgers on, Dad can toss in a can of lighter fluid and make a giant fireball. Calvin laments that he has the most boring Dad in the world. 1,126; 3,134
08/16/86 Hobbes puts on a mask and snorkel and says with the snorkel, they can stay underwater indefinitely. Calvin reminds Hobbes of the fish they'll see. Hobbes figures they can collect shells. Sitting in their little swimming pool, Calvin tells Hobbes that so far, it's been a major disappointment. 1,126; 3,134
08/17/86 Calvin wants Hobbes to help him test the theory of relativity. He says the faster he goes, the slower time goes. So Hobbes pushes him down the hill in the wagon. Hobbes climbs aboard and keeps the time. Faster and faster they go, but time continues. Finally, as they fly off the side of the hill, Calvin asks if time has stopped. Hobbes replies no, but that his heart has. As they lie smashed into the ground, Calvin declares Einstein a fraud. Hobbes says no, because his clock has stopped. 1,127; 3,135
08/18/86 Hobbes has Calvin add two eggs to the mixing bowl. Calvin does. Hobbes tells Calvin the recipe will make twenty pancakes, so they'll each get ten. Calvin says that's too much trouble. He pours the batter into a frying pan and says he'll make one big pancake, and they'll each get half. 2,6; 3,136
08/19/86 Calvin yells that he wants Dad to read him a bedtime story. Dad begs off until tomorrow. Calvin replies he won't go to bed without a story. Dad gives him a very brief story dealing with a little boy who always wanted things his way and who gets locked in the basement for the rest of his life. Everyone else lived happily ever after. Calvin doesn't like those stories with morals. 2,6; 3,136
08/20/86 Mom calls Calvin to dinner. Calvin replies that he's watching television. Mom says he's not. Calvin disagrees and says he's right there in front of it. Mom yells "NO you're NOT". Calvin scampers off remembering that he is at the table. 2,6; 3,136
08/21/86 Susie tells Calvin she saw a turtle at the creek. Calvin says he's seen hundreds of turtles, that it's no big deal. He wonders who wants to see another dumb old turtle. Shortly after, Susie catches Calvin at the creek looking for the turtle. 2,7; 3,137
08/22/86 Calvin wants to ride in the grocery cart. Mom tells him he's too old for that. Calvin begs, so she puts him in. Calvin then tells her to run down the aisle and let go. 2,7; 3,137
08/23/86 Calvin sails out over the water on a rope swing. Calvin does a Tarzan yell. As he lets go, he looks down at the water and hurriedly grabs the rope back. As he comes back to shore, Hobbes asks him if the water looked a little cold. 2,7; 3,137
08/24/86 Calvin and Hobbes are playing football. Calvin, the quarterback, jumps, dodges and throws the ball. Hobbes, the receiver, makes the great catch and heads for a score. Calvin wants a lateral so he can score. Hobbes calls a fumble and recovers the ball. Calvin calls a penalty and sends Hobbes to the bench. Hobbes defects to the other team. They go at each other. In a heap, Calvin can see why football is such a violent game. Hobbes' team, after a one yard gain, gets smooches from the cheerleaders. 2,8; 3,138
08/25/86 Calvin and Hobbes are lying in the grass. Hobbes sits up and looks at his belly. He looks at his side. He tells Calvin he thinks he's using too strong a sun screen. 2,9; 3,139
08/26/86 Calvin and Hobbes are fishing. Calvin complains that fishing is the most boring sport in the world. He says they've been there twenty minutes and not one thing has happened. Hobbes thinks about it, and he pushes Calvin into the water. 2,9; 3,139; 14,30
08/27/86 Calvin and Hobbes are bickering in bed. Calvin wants Hobbes to move over. Hobbes wants Calvin to give him some covers. Dad angrily yells for them to be quiet and go to sleep. They both stop for a second. Then, Calvin tells Hobbes Dad said to move over and give back the covers. Hobbes tells Calvin that isn't what Dad said, and that Calvin stole his pillow. 2,9; 3,139
08/28/86 Calvin drinks an elixir that makes him invisible. He walks out of the house, undetected. Mom calls for Calvin. She says whenever you want something done around there, the kid's nowhere to be seen. 2,10; 3,140
08/29/86 Since Calvin is invisible, he takes his clothes off to perpetrate any crime. He can get away with anything. Mom wonders just what he's doing in the cookie jar without his clothes on. 2,10; 3,140
08/30/86 Calvin warns Dad about his slipping poll numbers. Dad informs him it's not an elected position, so he doesn't have to respond to polls. Calvin asks if that means Dad can rule with dictatorial impunity. Dad says yes. Calvin surmises open revolt and exile is the only hope for change. Dad doesn't like the direction the conversation is taking. 2,10; 3,140
08/31/86 Calvin finds he's immune to the laws of gravity. He tries to hold on, but he loses his grip. Up into the sky he falls. Higher and higher he goes, until he grasps the tailfin of a passing jet. Dad wants him to continue with his story after he lands in Phoenix. Mom says she will not sew velcro on the outside of all Calvin's clothes. 2,11; 3,141
09/01/86 Calvin says he's going to learn to ride his bicycle if it kills him. Hobbes lets go of the bike, and there's a crash. Hobbes picks the bike off Calvin and asks if it killed him. Calvin answers that the bike has decided to maim him first. 2,12; 3,142
09/02/86 Calvin hops on his bicycle again. Hobbes tells him that people say once you've learned to ride, you never forget. Calvin believes that. After he again crashes, he says it works on the same principle as electroshock therapy. 2,12; 3,142
09/03/86 Calvin tentatively gets back on the bike. He tells Hobbes to hold him steady. He shakily sits on the bike and congratulates himself on balancing the bicycle. Hobbes agrees that is good, then asks if he wants to try it with the kickstand up. 2,12; 3,142
09/04/86 Calvin sneaks up to his bicycle. He reaches out for it. CRASH! The bike falls on Calvin. He cries out "It jumped me!" 2,13; 3,143
09/05/86 Calvin sees a frog in the water and asks Hobbes to help him catch it. Hobbes doesn't want to get near it. Calvin asks why not. Hobbes informs him they drink water all day in case someone picks them up. 2,13; 3,143
09/06/86 Calvin heads out the door of his house. He tells Mom that he's going to the drugstore to eat candy and read comic books all afternoon. Mom grabs him and says he isn't going. When asked why not, Mom tells him that she's his mother and she said so. She then has to yell to Calvin to quit goose-stepping around the house. 2,15; 3,143
09/07/86 Calvin and Hobbes return to their tent after hearing scary campfire stories. Hobbes doesn't think he'll ever sleep again. Calvin thinks he hears something. Hobbes isn't sure, but Calvin thinks it sounded like breathing, drooling, and ripping meat off human bones. They run screaming to their tent. As they light dozens of floodlights and spotlights around their tent, Hobbes admits he's glad they carried a generator all that distance. 2,14; 3,144
09/08/86 Calvin asks Mom if they can go out for pizza. Mom tells him they had pizza last night, and that it's too expensive to eat out all the time. Calvin asks if she'd rather spend the night cooking and washing dishes than spend a few bucks. As they sit in the pizza restaurant, Dad notices they seem to go out for pizza a lot these days. Mom comments that he's welcome to make a dish of cereal at home, if he'd prefer. 2,15; 3,145
09/09/86 Calvin and Hobbes are in the car, pretending to drive. Calvin races along the residential streets at 90 mph. Hobbes flips on a turn signal. Calvin makes school kids dive for safety. Hobbes puts on the windshield wipers. The police are after Calvin, so he downshifts. Hobbes blows the horn. Mom comes back with groceries in hand asking if she can run an errand without Calvin honking the horn across the parking lot. Calvin pleads that it wasn't him blowing the horn. 2,15; 3,145
09/10/86 Calvin and Hobbes are looking into the evening skies with binoculars. Calvin asks if Hobbes has seen any UFO's yet. Calvin tells him to keep his eyes peeled, that they'll land sooner or later. Hobbes asks what they'll do when the aliens land. Calvin will try to sell Mom and Dad into slavery in exchange for a star cruiser. 2,16; 3,145
09/11/86 Hobbes is curled up sleeping. Calvin approaches. When Hobbes yawns, Calvin sticks his head in Hobbes' mouth and says "Ta daa!" Hobbes is unimpressed. 2,16; 3,146
09/12/86 Mom tells Calvin she doesn't want him up in the tree. Calvin, sitting on a branch with Hobbes, asks why not. She explains some of the branches are dead and might break. As Calvin climbs down, he comments that Mom spoils everything. As they sit on top of a ladder, Hobbes comments that it just isn't the same. 2,16; 3,146
09/13/86 A frog is sitting on the ground. It puffs its throat up and croaks. As Calvin puffs his cheeks, Mom yells to Calvin to drink his milk in little sips. 2,18; 3,146
09/14/86 Spaceman Spiff crashes. The atmosphere is hardly breathable. Spiff looks for life, but notices a gelatinous blob of muck coming after him. His blaster is useless. He tries to escape, but the stench envelops him. Calvin is playing with his food. Susie tells him to leave the cafeteria's tapioca alone if he doesn't like it. 2,17; 3,147
09/15/86 Calvin laments the end of summer. He knows there is toil and drudgery ahead. Hobbes reminds him he spent half the summer vacation complaining about being bored. Thus reminded, Calvin figures he must have been delirious from having so much fun. 2,18; 3,148
09/16/86 Calvin is complaining he has homework already. He has to write a whole paragraph about what he did over the summer. He says he'll never be able to write that much. He laments how unfair it is. With Hobbes sitting at the table, Calvin asks how it's coming. Hobbes says not so good. He needs to know what else Calvin did besides watch TV. 2,19; 3,148
09/17/86 Calvin is explaining to Hobbes how to play soccer. He kicks the ball and says you can use any body part except hands or arms. Calvin says you can even use your head. After the ball hits, Hobbes asks if using his face doesn't hurt. 2,19; 3,148
09/18/86 Calvin poses a hypothetical question to Hobbes. He wonders if a kid at school called him a nasty name, should he kick him in the shins? Hobbes says no, the violence would be unjustified. Calvin then asks another hypothetical question. What if he already did? 2,19; 3,149
09/19/86 Calvin tells Mom he's going to grow a long beard like the guys in ZZ Top. Mom says to go ahead. As Calvin looks into the mirror, he says he thought Mom would have put up more of a fuss. 2,20; 3,149
09/20/86 At the department store, Calvin asks Mom if he can get a particular pair of pants. Mom looks at it and says they're too expensive. She says he'll grow right out of them, too. She wonders why any kid needs designer clothes. Calvin replies, "Babes". Calvin has to look cool. 2,20; 3,149
09/21/86 In bed, Calvin asks whether there are any monsters under his bed. No answer. He tells Hobbes to watch over the edge of the bed. Calvin tries fooling the monsters by saying he's getting a little plump. He says he's bigger, yet nice and lean. Hobbes looks down to the floor. Something under the bed is drooling. Calvin starts tying sheets together to go out the window. 2,5; 3,150
09/22/86 Moe tries to extort some money from Calvin. Calvin tells Moe he's not giving him any money. In fact, he says he doesn't even have any. Moe readies a punch. Calvin suddenly remembers he has some money and flips it to Moe. Calvin comments that for a kid with a monosyllabic vocabulary, Moe is awfully persuasive. 2,22; 3,151
09/23/86 Calvin tells Hobbes his plan to put Moe out of commission. The plan involves coming to school with Calvin and eating Moe when he comes to steal Calvin's money. Hobbes doesn't think he could eat him. Calvin wonders what the problem is. Hobbes replies that fat kids are high in cholesterol. Calvin cries that Hobbes can just chew him and spit him out. 2,22; 3,151
09/24/86 Mom decides to call the school to stop Moe's extortion. Calvin tells her not to, that he'll be a goner if Moe finds out he squealed. Mom is firm that Moe can't get away with stealing, something needs to be done. Calvin gives Mom a list of what he's wearing and tells her he'll see her at the morgue. 2,22; 3,151
09/25/86 Moe gives Calvin the quarter he "borrowed" from him the day before. Moe says someone told on him, and it will be a dark day for whoever it was if Moe finds out who. Calvin looks at his quarter. He decides he should use it to call his insurance agent. 2,23; 3,152
09/26/86 Calvin calls Dad at work. He asks Dad if he could pick up some topsoil and grass seed on his way home. Dad agrees. Calvin walks off with a pick and shovel over his shoulder, dirt all over him. Dad sits frozen with his hand on the telephone after hanging up. 2,23; 3,152
09/27/86 Calvin answers the ringing telephone. He tells the person he wants to order a large anchovy pizza. The person on the phone is puzzled. Calvin says they must have dialed the wrong number and hangs up. Calvin walks off saying he tries to make everyone's day a little more surreal. 2,23; 3,152
09/28/86 The family is walking home from getting ice cream. Calvin wants Hobbes to pull him in the wagon. Hobbes refuses, since he didn't get any ice cream. Calvin complains that tigers don't like ice cream. Hobbes still refuses to pull the wagon. Calvin calls Hobbes fuzz brain and he, too, refuses to pull the wagon. They both sit there. Dad laments their walks always become rides. Mom tells him he needs the exercise anyway. 2,21; 3,153
09/29/86 Calvin is leaning against a tree when Hobbes asks what he's doing. Calvin replies he's being "cool". Hobbes says he looks more like he's bored. Calvin replies that "The world bores you when you're cool". 2,24; 3,154
09/30/86 Hobbes, wearing a sombrero, joins Calvin in being "cool". Calvin yells that cool people don't wear sombreros, that nobody wears sombreros. Hobbes trudges off wondering what the fun of being "cool" is if you can't wear a sombrero. 2,24; 3,154
10/01/86 Hobbes is back, this time wearing Mickey Mouse pants. Hobbes knows he'll be "cool" in those pants. They have big, yellow buttons. Calvin tells Hobbes that he looks like an idiot. Hobbes thinks maybe he's new wave. Calvin still thinks Hobbes is just stupid. 2,24; 3,154
10/02/86 Calvin sees Susie coming. He throws a pine cone at her. Suddenly, the pine cone comes whizzing back at Calvin and smacks him. Susie walks down the street carrying her lacrosse stick. 2,26; 3,155
10/03/86 Calvin and Hobbes are playing football. Calvin jumps on Hobbes to tackle him. He continues to try to bring Hobbes down, without success, while Hobbes walks down the field and scores a touchdown. Calvin wants to play something else. 2,26; 3,155
10/04/86 Calvin asks if there are any monsters under his bed. Three replies of no come from beneath the bed. Calvin then asks how big they would be if there were any monsters. He gets a reply saying very small and to go to sleep. Calvin yells for Mom. 2,26; 3,155
10/05/86 Susie wants to squeeze Calvin's stuffed tiger. Calvin warns her that Hobbes is a ferocious man-eating jungle beast. Susie thinks he looks cuddly. Calvin continues to explain about Hobbes' terrible mandibles of bone-crushing death. Calvin warns of mighty paws with razor-sharp claws. He concludes that Hobbes is a monster. Susie thinks Hobbes is cute and gives him a big hug. Calvin asks Hobbes what happened to the mandibles of death. He calls him a sissy furball. Hobbes, with a big smile on his face, says he was beguiled by her feminine charms. He also tells Calvin to go soak his head. 2,25; 3,156
10/06/86 Calvin, the human insect, advances the paper in the typewriter. For proper medical treatment, he needs to type a legible message to his family. He jumps from key to key. Mom wonders who typed "Help, I'm a bug" on her note to Grandma. 2,27; 3,157
10/07/86 Calvin is in the bathtub. He goes back and forth, back and forth. He creates a tidal wave. When Mom comes in to see the flood covered with water, Calvin offers the idea that the seal around the tub leaks. 2,27; 3,157
10/08/86 Calvin asks what music Hobbes is listening to. Hobbes replies "The 1812 Overture". Calvin says the percussion section is interesting. Hobbes tells him those are cannons. Calvin mentions that they perform in crowded concert halls. He thought classical music was boring. 2,27; 3,157
10/09/86 Calvin explains to Dad what a day he's had. He went to school, played outside, did homework. He asks Dad the time. After Dad tells him, Calvin heads off declaring "It's Miller time". 2,28; 3,158
10/10/86 While taking a test, Calvin asks Susie what 12 + 7 is. Susie tells him a billion. Calvin realizes that can't be right, since that's what Susie said 3 + 4 was. 2,28; 3,158
10/11/86 Calvin tells Hobbes he's just read a great science fiction story. He says it's about machines who take control of humans and make them zombie slaves. Hobbes clarifies by stating that instead of us controlling machines, they control us. He says that's a scary idea. Calvin agrees, then notices his TV show is on. 2,28; 3,158
10/12/86 The tyrannosaurus lumbers through the valley. He's a walking death machine. Only one other creature dares challenge him, the saber-toothed tiger. Hobbes is peacefully sleeping. He rolls from side-to-side while Calvin awaits with mouth open. Finally, Calvin yells for Hobbes to wake up. The meek tyrannosaurus, victim of an innocent misunderstanding, tears like heck across the valley. 2,29; 3,159
10/13/86 Calvin tells Hobbes they are going to discuss current events at school. He tells Hobbes each student had to pick an article, read it to the class, then explain it. Hobbes asks which article he chose. Calvin tells him "Space Alien Weds Two-Headed Elvis Clone". Calvin comments that there's not much left to explain. 2,30; 3,160
10/14/86 Calvin shows Hobbes what you can do with big socks. He puts them over his ears, one over his nose. An elephant. Hobbes wants to join in on the fun. Dad is standing by his dresser with no socks on. He yells that if he misses the bus, it's going to be unpleasant around there. 2,30; 3,160
10/15/86 Mom and Calvin are looking at a broken dish on the kitchen floor. Mom asks how the dish got broken. Calvin replies that he tried to carry too much, and it dropped. Mom tells him he has no common sense. Calvin disagrees by saying he's got plenty of common sense, he just chose to ignore it. 2,30; 3,160
10/16/86 Calvin and Hobbes are sitting under a tree. Calvin mentions he doesn't understand about death. He wonders if we're all going to die, what's the point of living? Hobbes ponders that and offers an answer of "Seafood". In a huff, Calvin says he doesn't know why he even talks to Hobbes before dinner. 2,31; 3,161
10/17/86 Calvin tells Dad that he's decided he wants to be a millionaire when he grows up. Dad tells him he'll need to work pretty hard to get a million dollars. Calvin disagrees by saying he won't, Dad will. Calvin tells him he wants to inherit it. 2,31; 3,161
10/18/86 Calvin tells Hobbes the worst part of going to school is waiting for the bus. Hobbes is eating a sandwich. Calvin goes on to say that he just thinks about what's going to go wrong during the day. Hobbes is drinking some milk. As the bus comes, Calvin thanks Hobbes for waiting there with him. Hobbes tells him it was his pleasure as he finishes the sandwich. On the bus, Calvin notices his lunch box seems light. 2,31; 3,161
10/19/86 Calvin jumps in a pile of leaves and tells Hobbes to join him. Hobbes isn't so sure, as he thinks slugs hide under leaves. Calvin is sitting in the pile of leaves. Hobbes continues explaining that the slimy muckballs might be slipping up his pant leg. He figures there might be dozens of them in the leaf pile. Calvin jumps out, thrashing around to knock any slugs off of himself. Calvin comments that's the problem with nature. There's always something stinging you or oozing mucous on you. He's going to watch TV. Hobbes reminds him that at 3:00, he can watch "The Blob". 2,32; 3,162
10/20/86 Spaceman Spiff is going to be interrogated by Zorkons. He looks at their implements of torture. At one particular device, he asks the Zorkon what the name of the device is. Calvin's gym teacher tells him it's a chin-up bar and to get on it. Spiff readies his daring escape. 2,33; 3,163
10/21/86 Calvin yells that he can't find his jacket in the closet. Mom yells back that the jacket is on the floor where Calvin had left it. Calvin asks why Mom didn't put it away. Mom gives Calvin a copy of the Emancipation Proclamation. 2,33; 3,163
10/22/86 Calvin shows Hobbes he can make a shadow animal. He makes a dog. Hobbes thinks it's pretty good. Calvin then tries to make a swan. Hobbes sees a bug-eyed tentacle thing. They both jump in fright, crawl under the covers, and yell for Mom. 2,33; 3,163
10/23/86 Calvin starts to sneeze. He plugs his nose and holds the sneeze in. Hobbes asks why he did that. Calvin explains that he is trying to blow his shoes off. 2,34; 3,164
10/24/86 Hobbes is reading an album cover. He tells Calvin the composer could play piano at the age of three. He wrote his first symphony at four. Hobbes says that's amazing. Calvin recalls that when he was four, he thinks he was toilet trained. 2,34; 3,164
10/25/86 Calvin comes down the stairs declaring that he's done with his homework. He says he's going out to play, and that he has his jacket. He says he's leaving. Lastly, he says he'll give further bulletins as events warrant. 2,34; 3,164
10/26/86 Calvin and Hobbes are playing a game of flag capture. Calvin complains to Hobbes that he put the flag too high in the tree. Hobbes informs Calvin that isn't a rule, so Calvin makes it a rule. Hobbes tags Calvin and tells him to go to jail. Calvin's argument that he had a time out falls on deaf ears. Calvin declares another new rule about automatic time outs when discussing rules. Hobbes calls time in and tags Calvin. Calvin tells him he can't do that, and they need to call time in at the same time. Hobbes accuses Calvin of continually changing the rules so he can win. Calvin retorts that he's doing it so Hobbes can't cheat. They call each other cheater and muffin head. They fight. As they stand in the laundry room covered in dirt, Calvin says Mom suggests taking up playing Monopoly. Hobbes, peeking out from the washing machine, says he knows all about the "interest-free bank loans" Calvin makes to himself. 2,35; 3,165
10/27/86 Calvin shows Mom he put his clothing for tomorrow on the staircase. In the morning, he plans to run out in his underwear, slide down the stairs, and be fully dressed when he reaches the bottom. He tells Mom that if she puts his cereal on the stairs, he won't have to get up until 30 seconds till the bus comes. 2,36; 3,166
10/28/86 Calvin comes out with foam coming from his mouth. He tells Mom he has rabies. She tells him to spit out his toothpaste and to stop being silly. As Calvin walks off, he wonders if Dad will fall for it if Calvin bites him first. 2,36; 3,166
10/29/86 Calvin asks Hobbes what he's going to dress up as for Halloween. Hobbes isn't sure yet. Calvin tells him the idea is to go as the scariest thing you can think of. Hobbes makes a fearsome face and says he might just go as himself. Calvin plans to go as a barrel of toxic waste. 2,38; 3,166
10/30/86 Calvin gets ready to carve the jack-o'-lantern. Calvin draws the eyes and explains to Hobbes that it will look like a face when they're done. First, though, they need to open up the top and scoop out the glop inside. Calvin grabs a knife and says "OK, Jack, time for your lobotomy". He asks Hobbes for a big spoon. Hobbes covers his mouth and is sickened by Calvin not even using an anesthetic. 2,38; 3,167
10/31/86 Calvin tells Hobbes he thinks Dad likes Halloween as much as they do. Hobbes asks if Dad is taking them trick-or-treating. Calvin replies that Mom is. Hobbes asks if Dad is staying home to give out candy. Calvin tells him Dad is going to sit in the bushes with the garden hose to drench potential T.P.ers. 2,38; 3,167
11/01/86 Having eaten their Halloween candy, Hobbes says he feels awful. Calvin thinks if someone even mentions "Milk Duds", he'll barf. Calvin laments the passing of another Halloween. He says its always a letdown after a holiday. He decides they might as well go into town to look at the Christmas decorations. 2,39; 3,167
11/02/86 Calvin is taking a bath, playing with a paper ship. He pretends it's an aircraft carrier. He states the ship is virtually unsinkable. Hobbes knows what can sink it, a cannonball depth charge. He jumps into the tub and PFOOM! Calvin, and all the water in the tub, flies out onto the floor. Calvin tells Hobbes to refill the tub so they can do it again. Dad notices the waterfall coming down the stairs. He says he's going upstairs to see what her son is up to. 2,37; 3,168
11/03/86 Calvin is making a "get well" card for Mom. He shows Hobbes the card. The front says "Get well soon". The inside elaborates that she should get well because Calvin's bed isn't made, his clothes need to be put away, and he's hungry. Hobbes wants to sign the card, too, because he's also hungry. 2,39; 3,169
11/04/86 Calvin brings breakfast to Mom, who is lying in bed. He's made eggs, toast and juice. He goes on to say the eggs kind of burned, but that Mom could chip them out with a chisel. When Mom asks about the toast and coffee, Calvin offers that Dad told him not to tell Mom about it until she was feeling better. 2,39; 3,169
11/05/86 Dad says that since Mom is sick, he will make dinner. Calvin didn't know Dad could cook. Dad proudly declares that he survived two years of his own cooking when he had an apartment after college. Calvin reminds him Mom said he ate frozen waffles and had canned soup three meals a day. Dad replies that Mom wasn't there, so she wouldn't know. He also asks Calvin to get the syrup out. 2,40; 3,169
11/06/86 Calvin asks Mom if she wants him to read her a story, since she reads stories to him when he's sick. Mom says she just wants to rest. Calvin sits on the edge of the bed and says "It's hard to be a mom for a mom". Mom sits up and gives Calvin a hug. She says he does fine. Calvin wants to know if she's contagious. 2,40; 3,170
11/07/86 Hobbes asks Calvin what's wrong with Mom. Calvin replies he doesn't know, but that Mom went to the doctor's office. Hobbes wonders if maybe she's going to have a baby. Calvin jumps in horror at the thought. He wonders why she would want another kid. After all, she has him. Hobbes agrees that you'd think she would have learned her lesson. 2,40; 3,170
11/08/86 Calvin tells Hobbes that when asked, Dad said as far as he knew. He said they'd know if she was having a baby because she'd look like a hippopotamus with a gland condition. Dad said that right before Mom creamed him with a pillow. Dad surmises that Mom must be feeling better. Hobbes thinks Calvin has weird parents. 2,41; 3,170
11/09/86 Calvin and Hobbes are playing in the house. They're shooting at each other, running down the stairs, shooting around doors and over furniture. They're yelling the entire time. Mom yells to Calvin to stop tearing around the house. They're driving her crazy. Calvin tells her that she told him he couldn't play outside because it was raining. Calvin and Hobbes are outside, standing under an umbrella. Calvin says that sure worked. Hobbes wonders just how long it is until they can go back inside. 2,45; 3,171
11/10/86 Calvin comes home and tells Mom he got a part in the class play. He gets to say a line. Mom tells him that's wonderful. Calvin believes this is a great dramatic role, and he'll have people in tears by the second act. The play is "Nutrition and the Four Food Groups". Calvin will be an onion. 2,41; 3,172
11/11/86 Calvin asks Hobbes to help him learn his line for the play. Calvin reads the line, gives the script to Hobbes, and Hobbes tells him to start. Suddenly, Calvin realizes he's not in character yet. He doesn't have his motivation. Hobbes wonders if it's fame. He supposes this role could be a big break. 2,41; 3,172
11/12/86 They're still rehearsing. Hobbes reads the line before Calvin. Calvin starts his line, and stops. He starts again, and stops. Suddenly, he falls to his knees, says he hates the play and bemoans his inability to learn the part. Hobbes suggests his emoting is down pat. 2,42; 3,172
11/13/86 Calvin has it figured out. He tells Hobbes the play is no sweat. Hobbes asks if Calvin has his line memorized. Calvin replies that he doesn't. He figures he'll come on stage, do a little soft-shoe and ad-lib something. Hobbes wonders how he'll ad-lib something on dietary fiber. Calvin thinks he could also do his onion in mime. 2,42; 3,173
11/14/86 Calvin asks Mom how his onion costume is coming. Mom is still working on it, and she wishes the class would do something less elaborate. Calvin says to be glad he's not Russy White, who has to be an amino acid. Calvin puts the costume on. He thinks it's "Jabba the Hutt meets Rudolf the Reindeer". 2,42; 3,173
11/15/86 Calvin wants to know if Dad is coming to the play. Dad says he'll probably be at work. Calvin tells him it will be great drama. Dad asks Calvin to read his line now. Calvin starts, then forgets. He starts again, then forgets. Dad figures with 25 kids in food suits forgetting their lines, he'll definitely be at work. 2,43; 3,173
11/16/86 Calvin angrily sits on his sled at the top of the hill. He's dressed for winter, but there's no snow on the ground. He yells for there to be snow. Suddenly, snow starts falling. Calvin runs off claiming to be psychokinetic. After he leaves, the snow stops. Hobbes is sitting on a tree branch with an empty bag of snow he dumped down. With a smile on his face, Hobbes suggests that Calvin will hate him for this. 2,47; 3,176
11/17/86 Susie asks Calvin if he has his line memorized for the play. Calvin says he's still learning it. Being an onion is a difficult role. He asks Susie what she is. She replies "Fat". Calvin says "No. I mean in the play". She smacks him and asks whether anyone else wants to say it. Calvin lies in a heap on the sidewalk calling for his understudy. 2,43; 3,174
11/18/86 Calvin is waiting in his onion suit at the bus stop. Calvin tells Hobbes he feels like an idiot. He says he'll be glad when the play is over. Hobbes yells for Calvin to run for his life, a produce truck is coming. As Calvin runs off, Hobbes yells that he was just kidding. 2,43; 3,174
11/19/86 Miss Wormwood asks Susie where Calvin is. Susie says she doesn't know, that he was just there a minute ago. She wonders if he went to the bathroom. Miss Wormwood says he's on stage in two minutes. He picked a fine time to go to the bathroom. Calvin, in the bathroom, says it's a fine time to get stuck in his costume zipper. 2,44; 3,174