When a person is exploring gender, there are many other parts of identity that can have an effect. For example, your race, ethnicity, religion, ability status, age, and socioeconomic status may all have great impacts on how you navigate your gender journey. These aspects of identity can influence how you experience your gender (your gender identity), how you decide to express your gender (your gender expression), and also how the world reacts to your gender expression.
Let’s take a look at two different people to see how these different factors can play out in people’s lives.
Eddie is seventeen years old. He is living at home with his family in a small town and hoping to go to college next year. He works part-time at his father’s law office, where he is able to make some good money. Eddie is deaf and wants to go to school to become a teacher who works with deaf children. His parents are supportive of this and make a good enough living to support all of Eddie’s schooling and medical costs. Eddie and his family attend church regularly and being Christian is an important part of all of their identities. Eddie is white and lives in a community that is primarily white. His mom’s side of the family is from England but has been in the United States for many generations. His father is Australian and came to the United States after finishing his law degree.
Jai is fourteen. They live with their mom in a big city. Jai is biracial—half Latino (from their mom’s side) and half African American (from their dad’s side). Jai works hard in school because they know in order to afford college, they will need to get a scholarship. Jai also has a plan to work once they turn sixteen so they can afford a good school. Jai really wants to be a surgeon someday. Jai and their mom don’t really consider themselves religious. They join Jai’s father at the Baptist church once in a while so Jai can connect with the strong African American community there.
These two people live very different lives, but both know their gender identities fall somewhere outside of the “male” and “female” boxes that were checked for them when they were born. For each of them, other aspects of identity will intersect with gender and influence their gender identities and expressions.
Some aspects of our identity we spend a lot of time thinking about, and others we do not. Usually, we become most aware of our identity factors that seem different from others. For example, if you identify outside of the gender binary boxes we’ve been discussing, you are likely to have spent more time thinking about gender than other people your age. Someone like Eddie is likely to have spent more time thinking about his different abilities than someone like Jai, whereas Jai has probably spent more time thinking about race and socioeconomic status than Eddie.
However, just because we haven’t spent time thinking about something doesn’t mean it isn’t an important influence on us.
One thing our identities impact is our level of privilege. Privilege is a set of advantages given to a certain group of people. For example, Eddie, as a white person in a majority white place, likely has some of the following privileges: learning primarily about the history of his own racial group in school, seeing role models of his own race in the professions he wants to go into, feeling safe when he walks alone in a new place, never wondering whether someone has denied him for a job because of his race, and never being asked to answer questions about white people. Jai, on the other hand, faces some privileges that Eddie does not. For instance, Jai can attend any school without having to request disability services, meet any new person without having to explain or answer questions about deafness, feel confident that their safety is ensured by alarms they can hear (such as fire alarms, car horns, and sirens), and not have to wonder whether someone doesn’t want to be their friend just because of a difference in their physical abilities.
Privilege is influenced not just by one identity at a time, but by how our identities relate to each other—what’s called intersectionality. For example, we usually think that being a man means you are privileged. While there are certain privileges that all men have, their level of privilege varies based on other factors. For instance, if you’re a white man, that usually means you have a high number of privileges. On the other hand, if you’re a black man, that means something very different.
Try It Out!:
Which of your identities have you spent the most time thinking about?
What identities do you spend the least time thinking about?
In what respects do you think you have privilege?
Even outside of privilege, multiple aspects of our identities relate to our gender identities and expressions in important ways. For example, we learn a lot about what gender options there are and what it means to be a successful representation of that gender from our ethnic and religious communities. These communities may also react in more or less positive ways to our gender identities or expressions.
Let’s look back at our examples to see how other identities have intersected with gender to influence Eddie and Jai.
Eddie’s father’s Australian background and Eddie’s church community both have very rigid ideas about what it means to be a boy and a man. Eddie’s father had always gotten very angry with Eddie as a boy for not wanting to play sports and for wanting to play dress-up with feminine clothes. Eddie hates wearing a suit for church and would love to grow his hair long, but he is sure it wouldn’t go over well there. Eddie therefore has thus far chosen to behave and dress in masculine ways, and even feels a bit ashamed of his wish that he had been born a girl. However, since Eddie has access to his own car and money he’s saved, he has been able to meet people a few towns over who support his more feminine identity and expression, and he has bought some more feminine clothes for just these occasions.
Jai’s mom is very supportive of Jai’s genderqueer identity and expression. Living in a progressive urban area, Jai also receives a good amount of support at school to have gender-neutral bathrooms, use gender-neutral pronouns, and be themselves. However, Jai worries that they will face discrimination in finding a job or in getting into college in the future. Jai is also becoming more uncomfortable with how their body is changing now that puberty has started. Because Jai’s family isn’t wealthy, they don’t have access right now to psychologists or medical doctors to help Jai deal with this anxiety or think about any medical interventions that may make Jai feel more comfortable with their body.
As you can see, both of these people’s experiences of their gender and decisions about gender expression have been significantly influenced by other aspects of their identities.
So what about you? Let’s look at how different aspects of your identity relate to your gender experience and expression.
Race is sort of like gender in that it is something that we think of as having factual biological categories, but in reality it isn’t so clear-cut. When we talk about race, we are usually referring to inherited physical characteristics that make a person appear as “white,” “black,” “Asian,” and so on. A person can be multiracial, having two or more races represented in their inherited physical characteristics.
Ethnicity, on the other hand, relates to your culture instead of your biologically inherited traits. Culture can be defined in many ways and so people may define their ethnicity based on nation, continent, or other group-defining factors. For example, a person who is white could be of many different ethnicities, such as Eastern European, South African, or Jewish. A person who is black might identify as African American, Haitian, or Latino. A person who is Asian might identify as Chinese, Japanese, or Filipino. Then of course, people may have multiple ethnicities that are all important parts of their identities. There are endless possibilities.
Race and ethnicity are central factors in the way we experience the world, the way we are treated, and the values and beliefs we learn.
Try It Out!:
Let’s spend some time thinking about your racial and ethnic identities and how they relate to your gender:
What racial and ethnic communities are you a part of?
What is considered to be “normal” with respect to gender in your racial and ethnic communities?
What have you learned in your racial and ethnic communities about people who have gender identities or gender expressions that are different from what is considered “normal”?
Can you envision your gender identity or expression changing in any ways in the future? If so, list the ways. Next to each, write how you expect people in your racial and ethnic communities may react to these changes:
How are your racial and ethnic communities’ values similar to your own values regarding gender? How are they different? How do you balance these differences?
How does your gender identity and expression influence how much you feel you belong with people in your racial and ethnic communities?
Ideally, everyone could be their full self with regard to gender and race and ethnicity in all contexts and be accepted for who they are everywhere. However, many of our different racial and ethnic communities will have an understanding of gender and sexuality that may not match our own. A person may therefore face some choices to balance their gender identity (such as transgender or genderqueer) and their racial or ethnic identity (such as black, Latino, Asian, and so on). For example, Jai might feel pretty sure that being their full genderqueer self will mean rejection from the community of African American peers they hang out with at their father’s church community, and so they might adjust how they dress there. Being subjected to his father’s Australian cultural beliefs about how all men should be very macho, Eddie might feel that he should continue dressing in more masculine ways around his father. Both Jai and Eddie may choose to dress differently or not discuss their gender identity with people in specific communities. They may find other spaces and communities where they can dress to fully express their gender and feel safe and supported. There is nothing wrong with making these choices to represent your gender more or less openly in different settings. We all show different parts of ourselves to different people.
However, it can be hard to find the right balance of identities and communities alone. We recommend trying to find other people who have faced or are facing similar decisions to your own, so you can learn from how they have navigated these choices or navigate them together. There are many ways to find people, but a great place to start is online. You can search for groups, e-mail listservs, books, blogs, videos, and other resources. Hearing other people’s experiences can help you realize you are not alone while giving you some ideas about what might work well to balance your identities in your life.
Depending on what identities you connect with, you might want to spend more or less time on the following sections. Sometimes it’s eye-opening to work through a section even if it isn’t something that feels really important to you. You might either discover something about an aspect of yourself that you rarely think about, or better understand other people in your life. But as always, it’s totally up to you to read and complete whatever parts of the book you want.
For some of us, our religious identity is an important aspect of who we are. Others don’t feel connected to a particular religion, but still likely have certain things they value or believe to be of importance in their lives. Our religious beliefs and values might be in line with our gender identities and expressions, or they may also seem in conflict. For example, some religions support a binary understanding of gender and value masculine men and feminine women. They may teach that people who don’t fit into this binary are sinful, wrong, or even sick. Someone who doesn’t fit into these boxes might feel like they need to choose between their religion and their gender. Luckily, most people, regardless of their religion, find a way to fit their beliefs and gender together, even if it isn’t easy at first. Other people have beliefs and values that are not in conflict with their gender, but still serve as important influences on how they understand their gender and what choices they make regarding gender expression. So let’s explore below.
Try It Out!:
Were you taught any lessons about gender from a particular religion or belief system?
Compare what you learned above with your own current beliefs about gender. How are your current beliefs similar? How are your current beliefs different?
Values are the things that are most important to us. Many people feel their values are connected to their religion, while other people feel their values are more independently driven. Look at the list of values below. Circle five to ten values that are most important to you.
For the values circled, how do they relate to your religious beliefs, identity, and practices?
For the values you circled above, how do they relate to your gender identity and expression?
Are there ways your values can help you tie together your religious and gender identities and expressions? Are there ways your religion or gender still feel in conflict with your values?
For some, learning how to balance religion and gender can take a while. It can be helpful to talk to other people about how they fit together their religion and their gender. There are many ways in which to do this, including holding onto your beliefs but changing where you go to worship, staying in your current religious community but holding some different beliefs from others around you, being a voice that helps other people in your religious community understand different gender identities and experiences, or holding onto your values but making changes in your religious practices or gender expression to reflect these values. Whatever your path turns out to be is okay, and like we said, it may take you some time to find what fits for you. Take your time and don’t stop searching for that balance that leads you to a place of feeling at peace with your beliefs and your identities.
Socioeconomic status is yet another piece of identity that influences the exploration and understanding of gender. Again, people who are not in a position of economic privilege (people who have don’t have a lot of money) will probably have spent more time thinking about economic status and how it relates to their gender identity or expression. Youth especially can face financial challenges for a number of reasons, such as not having jobs with enough income, or not having family support. In terms of gender, this can influence things like having access to a therapist to help explore your gender identity, having access to a medical doctor to help you make any physical changes to your gender expression, having the ability to live independently of an unsupportive family, having money for a legal name change, and having money for a new wardrobe that suits your gender.
Others have some privilege in this area and their choices may seem less influenced by money. However, even people with high economic privilege may face economic, gender-related pressures. For example, someone from a family that is quite wealthy may face expectations that they will prioritize a career that affords them a similar lifestyle. Any perceived risk to such a career, including holding a nonbinary gender identity, may be particularly frowned upon.
So again, you see we are all affected by intersecting identities. Let’s see how your socioeconomic status affects your gender identity and expression.
Try It Out!:
Are there gender-related pressures you face because of your socioeconomic status?
Are there any parts of your gender exploration that will cost money?
Sometimes, as desperately as we want something, we may not be able to afford it or access it right away because of money. This can be really hard when you want something so badly! When this is the case, it helps to make a plan for how you can get what you want in the future.
If you are in a position of not being able to afford everything you’d like to try, which things are the most important or the most urgent to you?
Use the space below to brainstorm ideas about how you might eventually save up for your desired items.
Ideas for making and saving money:
Depending on how quickly you think you can earn money and how much what you desire costs, you might have to work toward your goal for a shorter or longer time. In the meantime, when you are feeling desperate to keep moving on your gender journey, it helps to remember there are plenty of things you can do, no matter your socioeconomic status, that don’t take a lot of money.
Take some time to brainstorm ways you can take steps towards being yourself that are in your budget (or even free).
Examples: Borrow a friend’s clothes and go out together, look into different insurance options to see what coverage you might get at different future jobs, buy men’s or women’s deodorant next time you need more, change your hairstyle, talk to someone new about your gender, use a different name when you order something at a restaurant, dance like a boy/girl, and everything in between.
What things can you think of?
By now we’ve covered a few identity factors in depth, but we certainly haven’t covered all of the things that are important to different people. Are there other identities you hold that have some influence on your gender identity or expression (such as your age or your ability status)?
For each factor you listed, tell us about how it relates to your gender identity and gender expression:
Clearly our identities are pretty complicated. What we’ve found is that since our identities change and evolve over time, we are constantly exploring what it means to be ourselves in the different places, times, and contexts we are in. So just because you completed this chapter (round of applause!), don’t feel like the fun stops here! Get ready for a lifetime of identity exploration. The really cool thing is, by understanding that each identity you have doesn’t work alone—that instead they all intersect—you’re much wiser about identity than a lot of people and ready to explore your identities in really perceptive ways. Enjoy!