Contents

chapter 1: gender identity

the difference between gender and sex

sex

more about sex

gender

gender identity

gender expression

undoing gender brainwashing

exploring your gender identity

summary

chapter 2: gender expression

my past gender adventures

observing gender

expressing yourself beyond gender

getting ready to experiment with gender

before jumping in the pool

putting it all together!

let’s go swimming!

what’s next?

permanent changes

for youth before puberty

hormone or puberty “blockers”

for people after puberty

to appear in a more feminine way:

to appear in a more masculine way:

for anyone considering medical interventions

what to do if you are considering permanent changes

final note

summary

chapter 3: family

sharing your gender with family members

family openness

conversations with family members

bumps in the road toward acceptance

expressing what you need in family relationships

summary

chapter 4: school and work

advocating for yourself

middle, junior, and high school

college

at work

name and pronouns

bathrooms, locker rooms, and uniforms

harassment and bullying

dealing with ignorance

summary

chapter 5: friends and other peers

should I talk about my gender thoughts and experiences?

am I ready to talk?

where should I start?

who should I talk to?

preparing for different reactions

dealing with negative experiences

summary

chapter 6: dating and sex

sexual and romantic orientations

sexual orientation

romantic orientation

more about sexual and romantic identities

dating

figuring out how, when, or if to come out to potential partners

safety when talking to partners

sex

figuring out what brings you sexual pleasure (and what does not)

communication about sex

summary

chapter 7: balancing multiple identities

privilege

intersectionality

race and ethnicity

religion

socioeconomic status

other identity factors

summary

chapter 8: dealing with the hard stuff

the stress of stepping outside of your “comfort zone”

the tricky brain

gender minority stress

consequences of gender minority stress

signs of stress

dealing with stress

figuring out emotions

when do I need more help?

where can I get help?

group support

hotlines

therapists

when to seek emergency care

summary

conclusion

afterword