mansion is minson: palace,
pillice:
O Chaucer:
Muse, you’re an
3430eagle in the mind: when
you fly away
the air’s relaxed
& empty:
come back:
3435maybe you’re sick of
domestic details & long
for some swept
transfigurations,
leading, transforming
3440ideas, details
lifted into a
marshaled whirl:
I had
decided to
3445give up all
but details:
decision
is sandhouse without you:
I acknowledge you, am
3450miserable without you:
come again
and make your will in me:
or are you here now
whipping a tired spirit
3455the best you can?
I admit
I’ve shot my load:
but I can’t stop: give
me a second wind:
3460it’s there, I’m sure
of it, somewhere in the
mind—another valve to
open:
let it open &
3465fill this tape
plentifully up: let
the brim break: tear
thru surface tension
to the spring:
3470the volcano shoots &
rests, gathering: the
man shoots &
gathers: give me
a continuous, smooth
3475shooting, rich
uninterrupted flowing:
do you want me to
wrestle & beg, testify
your absence: I’ve
3480made a long
piece of it:
today is bright, warm:
supposed to go up to 40:
ice in shade:
3485sidewalks & walkways
slippery:
look what small beach
animals have made: a
ruddy bird
3490with curved beak
that turns stones
looking for
small beach animals!
(the consumed sustains the
3495consuming form)
thought, too, is voracious:
the Gothic arch
ground three centuries of
3500design
into gothic arches: a
dominant form,
consuming insistence:
(here I’m probably
3505converting the fine,
shaped,
differentiated world
into
undifferentiated grist)
3510I devour the sunlight off
leaves,
the sound out of jet
engines, I devour
the whistle out of
3515the bird,
bust his
guts open
and devour
their churning:
3520where is the
source?
I eat the wind, frilly as
a nap, off the
mossbeds: I get down
3525& close-up consume
the sense of velvet
off green winter moss:
my heart eats the shape of
your face:
3530tell me, tell one
moorless in the drift
of broken forms, who is
the conceiver who
will pour this
3535regurgitated pab
into the
transfigured
saucepans, winejars,
breadbaskets, garages,
3540space stations
of the new time?
you’ve heard the larva
chew
in the wood?
3545grit, grit, grit,
metronomic?
tell me—after
wood’s passage through
guts,
3550who will recall the tree?
something’s cooking in
this life!
can you get on to it?
(will you need to
3555be helped off?)
integrations &
disintegrations:
nothing that goes in
comes out the same
3560& nothing that comes out
has ever been the same
before:
small beach animals make
ruddy turnstones &
3565wood meat makes larvae:
but where did the
turnstone
get the shape
by which he consumes? &
3570how
the larva
find that special
form of stridence?
things are related by
3575opposition & similarity:
but the periphery
vanishes into nothingness,
the stabilizer:
interior-ward
3580is the going in & out
of shape,
substance running
through shapes of itself,
itself the running:
3585the container & the
contained are
somewhere
contained by the
universal noncontainer:
3590frogs & snakes
keep the hawk’s shrill
whistle greased!
thought jails!
keep us out!
3595but
if we get too free,
all the way
into unrelated,
fractured sensation,
3600call us back, jail,
occasionally
so we can get a good
night’s sleep:
since there are feelings
3605(& thoughts) I can’t
express
through the forms of
society,
here I make other forms,
3610play-forms,
to express them through:
that’s the center:
maybe you’re listing with
hidden passions, too: you
3615can work
them off through
play-shapes, as I
do:
use mine:
3620get all the good
out of them you can:
clean up:
you have to take your
place
3625at dinner: make decent
conversation:
we have certain forms:
reality is to accept them
at face cost & value,
3630change them
at peril
& if you do change them
stay awake
all night
3635wondering what worse forms
will take their place:
careful how you go fooling
around with things: or
like me
3640make sure you’re
fooling:
fooling takes
instinct off:
(it’s nice to
3645have a good, quiet dinner:
wonderful to sleep,
the cop on duty—
better look out
before you
3650get dissatisfied, you may
be in for a real
gypping)
can I have that virgin?
nope:
3655why?
she’s taken:
who says?
’ciety:
I want her!
3660sorry:
I can’t stand it!
sorry:
better be careful, bub:
ever thought of taking
3665up a little painting?
ever been
interested in “expressing”
yourself in words?
think you’d like it:
3670jever think of taking up
mountain climbing:
beautiful sport!
dangle from
shocking heights, shoot
3675off at peaks:
like babes!
like cool it: run it
into approved
channels:
3680irrigation
in reverse: run it off:
lower the pressure
on the dam:
nice hobbies?
3685stead of making that
married lady with the
biggies,
jever think of making
chairs?
3690photography is nice:
sing a song for sweet
society: keeps
ballocks in a row,
where if you can’t
3695have every gal
still—obey
the rules—
there’s one you can
have
3700all your own
and nobody can take her
away from
you
or he’ll wind up in
3705court or behine bars:
sat simple:
think you could have one
of your own
without not having all the
3710others?
see that man’s house?
I want it:
you can’t have it:
why can’t I?
3715it ain’t yourn:
why?
because:
I’ll take it:
you can’t:
3720why can’t I?
because:
there is a way:
get good marks in
kindergarten &
3725discipline yourself so
the teacher likes you
& praises you & tells the
whole community how
wonderful you are:
3730& on up through college:
& don’t get in any
trouble:
& then invent something or
start a business, and if it
3735fails, start another:
or work your way up
through
a corporation: or start
saving early—invest wisely:
3740someday you may get
a house very much
like that one—you
may be able to buy
that very one
3745if your tastes
haven’t changed in
the meantime:
sheez!
it’s called “coming to
3750one’s senses”:
10:15 pm:
it’s been a beautiful
day: warmth
made the light
3755glossier: the cedars
and firs
stood
sprung into freedom,
snowless:
3760the windy morning
moved a trillion
waves & branches:
streams
ran clear in the gutters
3765from opaque
ice:
gutters running under
bright skies,
silent,
3770ripples unpeopled
by raindrops, oiled
ripples of motion:
energy
released from the sun
3775made the gutters
run: a fact,
ordinary & miraculous:
touch over great
distance: the cool melt
3780from a vast,
frying body:
that it’s there:
that we’re here!
we, dependent,
3785helpless, doing the best
we can:
bacteria multiply by
simple division:
changeless transmission:
3790but also
they multiply sexually,
testing conditions
with mutant
possibilities:
3795we must keep the
tradition &
modify it
so we stay resilient to
change:
3800too traditional is loss of
change: too changing is
loss of meaning & memory:
today is
cloudy
3805in several ways:
details of pain,
causes of shivering: but
this must be done:
it’s fairly warm,
3810tho—speaking now
entirely of the weather:
may rain:
could turn cold
enough to snow again
3815(none of my business)
I saw the jay
before breakfast:
he looked a little
grimy, gray,
3820like old blue snow:
has had rough
times lately:
rough times is ordinary,
will not make
3825the news:
the sun, screened dim by
clouds, enters the room,
strikes my typewriter,
throws shadow on
3830the wall,
just touches
the flower-tip of a
crown-of-thorns branch:
ecology is my word: tag
3835me with that: come
in there:
you will find yourself
in a firmless country:
centers & peripheries
3840in motion,
organic,
interrelations!
that’s the door: here’s
the key: come in,
3845celebrant,
to one meaning
that totals my meanings:
the circular lichen
spotting the tree
3850trunk
is
like a moral order: there
is a center
where with threads the
3855lichen knits in, the
“holding-on” point
that gathers stability
from bark: and there
is
3860the outward multiplication
of forms (cells & patterns)
to an unprescribed
periphery
that marks the
3865moment-to-moment edge
of growth:
the cougar, big in
size & appetite,
ranges widely:
3870he won’t turn
a square mile
into desert:
travels out into the
country of his sustenance,
3875incorporating herds of
deer
within his trails
and how thin
the tissue of his going
3880is! one month in
the northwest of his
range,
a month in valleys,
a month at
3885higher altitudes:
he’s adapted to travel:
it’s not in his
interest
to exhaust
3890the deer population, as
it’s not our interest
to exhaust the host earth:
the predator
husbands his prey:
3895at the center,
the predatory gathering
of energy done,
the female drops her litter,
new seeds of possibility:
3900new animal-plants
to take root,
spread out the wide
thin tissue
of life:
3905tapestries! figures
overlapping:
at the dwindling of green
a percentage of
aphids begins to be
3910born with wings: time
to fly away &
make trials of new centers:
ecology out of balance
turns tilt into
3915direction:
when the milkweed
seed
rises into the wind
on down,
3920the soft beauty
means conquest:
let’s establish ourselves,
send out our tokens:
as I am I
3925I will change you,
drop seeds of myself
in your ground:
watch out for me:
I mean to prevail:
3930you think of yourself:
I may welcome some
thought of yours: I
may give it ground:
or I may not yield
3935to it: I may find
it lacking,
not able to survive
my country,
& cast it out
3940as
already withered
in potentiality:
the plains Indians centered
their lives
3945on the chase: rooted in
a moving herd
of buffalo!
a center
stabilized
3950in instability:
or the reverse: the
barnacle
on a rock, stationary,
depends on the sea
3955to bring it food:
where is the center
that holds?
it was the Earth,
became the sun, then
3960the center of our
galaxy (Sagittarius?)
then farther &
farther out:
no
3965imaginable center: except
the one
the lichen makes:
my other word is
provisional:
3970we’ll talk about that
someday,
tho you may guess
the meanings from ecology:
don’t establish the
3975boundaries
first,
the squares, triangles,
boxes
of preconceived
3980possibility,
and then
pour
life into them, trimming
off left-over edges,
3985ending potential:
let centers
proliferate
from
self-justifying motions!
3990the box can’t bend
without breaking:
but the center-arising
form
adapts, tests the
3995peripheries, draws in,
finds a new factor,
utilizes a new method,
gains a new foothold,
responds to inner & outer
4000change:
today
is dim
again:
the sun makes diffuse
4005shadows
that go
in & out
of focus:
(just now, the
4010thorns
are black
against the wall)
maybe it’s gonna clear off:
not very cold:
4015there comes the exactness
again:
pulsing:
gaits:
short/quick-stepping Kate:
4020Silver,
long & languorous:
what
to do in case of fall-out:
put it
4025back in & use
shorter strokes:
brushstrokes:
short, straight, narrow
strokes
4030that blend & move
into vague scenes:
the broad, long
swash of color:
the paroxysmic:
4035the full, slow
inner & outer reach:
wavelengths:
distance, elapse of time
from crest to crest, from
4040point of highest
stirred feeling
to highest point: the
silky, fiery
considerations
4045down the hills
and shallows and up
the rises
of repeating motions:
rhythm, pace:
4050Silver, majestical,
slow but sure: the
turn-plow
turned earth
to overturning rivers:
4055smooth, rockless,
alluvial country,
free of stumps:
stump-holes, tho—still
in the pasture: the
4060hollow shells—inside
the crater lake
of ancient wood-ambered
rain, wriggling larvae,
hanging head-down from
4065the surface,
breathing through
their tails, & tiny green
frogs
hidden in crevices
4070over canyons of wood:
the thick, grazed
carpet grass
smooth in patches
around inedible
4075wire-grass clumps:
worlds:
the only longleaf pine
left
stood tall & spare-boughed
4080as land-corner:
marker between
neighbor & us:
mystical tree:
half ours,
4085half his, neither
able to take his half
without loss of all
& in addition
transfigured by
4090boundary-meaning,
entered in the record
(history in the
courthouse)
a sign:
4095spared: let us take on
meanings to
keep us:
standing alone in the
edge of the pasture,
4100near the road
(the road when it came
through
cut off a sliver of the
neighbor’s land
4105so it was worthless to
him—our pasture
fence included his
sliver &
the tree stood in from the
4110road—is the way it really
was: and the road &
tree became symbols
of two kinds of truth,
competing:
4115the tree, ideals of
truth:
the road, the use of
this world
& compromise)
4120high sparse
branches
sang
thin songs:
(one of my uncles, I
4125heard said, used to
go into the woods to pray,
always to a
particular tree:
a praying tree—
4130must have had
meanings
in it)
if you don’t think
mechanisms work
4135in the green
becoming
of
the
lichen, I don’t care
4140what you think: it’s
one-sided,
unaware that
crystals, even,
exist
4145as fluids:
abstraction may
sight far
over the facts
& fall
4155short or broken
but meantime it shows
saliences of going:
its spare thin
beauty
4160is relating:
reason & feeling
living together, with
necessary exchanges:
guidelines—but readiness
4165to adjust
to changed
environments:
what is it that persists
through generations,
4170throwing its pattern
ahead?
an earth-product,
I don’t represent
all my wills:
4175others, not mine, are
in me:
still, when the
feelings are working
right, knowledge
4180is redundant: one
doesn’t analyze
the good
condition: one
accepts,
4185without consciously
accepting, and enjoys:
let’s
reach out
from this
4190loneliness with
as much love as
we can:
grief is on us:
we’re not
4195just right:
we are hurled
away by
exaggeration:
line us up!
4200that’s our directed,
undirected, or misdirected
wish:
give us an earth
between these frozen poles:
4205gates:
entrances: doorways:
wombs:
outward gates: exits:
broken walls,
4210bridged rivers & fallen
mountains:
give us the being
whole
wherever we are:
4215intellect has
cast
temporary resolutions:
pity—it’s not
all intellect’s fault—
4220that now we see
breakage
(fragmentation & high
entropy)
but
4225high entropy
is not loss of pattern:
we can’t see:
the man who feels good
has a shortage of
4230problems:
he’s cabbage-cool
& -sweet:
we must—since
there’s only one universe—
4235bear the tearing up
before we can enjoy the
putting together,
the adjusted putting
together
4240that gives us
fuller touch
of what we know:
tho the crust
floats with under- &
4245over-seas, it’s hard
as rock
& anchorages
in motion are
solider than rock:
4250rock wears:
motion is the full
openness of possibility:
our existence is
evidence
4255of more
than we can imagine: much
we can’t see
is working right:
let’s celebrate
4260that part of our
ignorance
& keep on
till we learn better how to
praise:
4265will you leave
the Lord
& sit down
in a man-made misery?
then
4270you’ve postulated a lot
for yourself
& lost:
that we’re going is
reason to be going on:
4275(the dance
& warm red dry wine!)
dance! you splendid
creatures!
your heel-strings
4280sing like plucked
instruments!
your skirts whirl
worlds
with inner secrets!
4285swing!
your partner,
promenade (and when
you can
get laid
4290get laid)
first to the right, then
to the left, right, left
(get lawfully
laid)
4295Muse, no mortal
can have
enough of you:
he wants bigger &
bigger draughts: he wants
4300to get drunk on
and in you:
he wants to consume you:
can you stand to be
nibbled on, Parnassus, by
4305a million nibblers?
wonder there’s any
chance I could
chew off a big
hunk of you?
4310would you
mind
more than
the
tickle of
4315tiny
teeth?
from the gouge I made in
you
would gush springs up,
4320too, Pierian,
bread washed down
with wine:
(better confine myself
to steak)
4325the immortal body
replenishes itself,
the constant banquet:
so they did eat & drink:
and you keep giving me
4330juice,
I may drive through
all this
raillery
& come on
4335the vine-water of truth,
the slot
of hazeless sight:
and you give me the ole
steam, baby,
4340I may get all these
gargoyles up,
lined around the high
edges,
and then you may give
4345me
two or three columns
& a plain wall:
and I can keep bringing this
stuff up,
4350every fool thing
shining in
the light of its
foolishness,
I may get
4355cleaned out
good,
worthy to taste your
simple fare:
oh wash all the crap out!
4360I want to tremble with
need
when I reach for yr bread:
let lust for yr wine
parch my tongue
4365so
the bread sticks:
I hate hungering
& thirsting,
yet will I
4370hunger & thirst
and go to the foot
of the table,
pinch crumbs
off the floor—if you
4375will grant me
wide arm-reach
& lifted
voice
so the table shakes
4380& the people enter
the maze of yr presence!
come on, now, f’god’s
sake, what’re you saving
it for?
4385the light
reclines:
of a brightness not yet
gold: white gold:
Bach runs in his high
4390rant
from the record
player:
we’re going
out
4395to dinner:
today is 19 &
sunny:
the still-warm tide
comes in
4400&
the shallowing marshes
freeze & keep it:
increments of
continental shelf:
4405ocean loss:
we may sink:
the gulls fly inland
looking:
the dump swarms with
4410gulls & smoke:
William Carlos Williams
(reception in NY
4415for Mrs. Williams)
sat in the back of
the bus up
& the motor ground my
head to dust (gray,
4420graphitic)
& a man fell
in a fit
in the bus station: three
men held him till
4425he jerked still:
a crowd circled &
watched:
(we’re monkeys, scratching
our heads
4430& asses &
dumb with joy & tragedy)
so many people
with bodies only:
so many bldgs with
4435mere addresses:
buses, subways, cabs,
somebody everywhere:
fragments: faces never to
be seen again: isolations:
4440poets, peaks of need,
loose cold
majesties,
sizing heights, cut off
from the common
4445stabilizing ground of their
admirers:
peaks relate across
thin
&
4450icy air:
how good to be back
here
with ruin’s blue-bottle fly,
whole fields wasted with
4455grass,
an empty cherry tree
& one jay:
sunlight on the wall
with precise
4460black thorn:
5 pm:
some rosy drifts
still in
the west:
4465are the days
gathering moments at
the edges?
every moment
of light
4470nudges
my cold
rhododendron &
every inch
of this rising tape
4475ruffles my blood
for the gathered product,
the heaping hamper,
empty places
4480make room
for
silence to
gather:
high-falutin
4485language does not
rest on the
cold water
all night
by
4490the luminous
birches:
is too vivid
for the eyes
of pigeons,
4495heads tucked
under wings in
first
patches of sunlight:
is too noisy to
4500endure
the sleep of buds,
the holding in
of the huckleberry
blossom:
4505too voracious
to spin,
rest
& change:
is too clever
4510for the frank
honey-drop
of the lily-pistil:
I hear the
porkchops frying!
4515ah,
there’s the sweet, burnt
smell!
sounds in the kitchen,
pots lifted
4520with empty
hushing ring,
the plunger of the icebox
door
snapping loose: the
4525sizzling roil of
porkchops turned:
protest, response:
flashes of aluminum
light
4530as the pots work, the
glint of tines
as the table
dresses: the
holy
4535slow
lifting & turning
in the spinach pot:
rituals, hungers,
motions over
4540fire,
the stance &
tending:
I hear & visualize
& the drop
4545under the tongue
bulbs clear
& pressing:
what’s that sound?
mashed potatoes being
4550whipped?
there, a chop turned:
cups winding up
still in saucers:
the grasping snip of
4555celery stalks:
the high whir of
the garbage disposer,
chewed clear:
a rough, troubled sound
4560now
of another charge, maybe
the grapefruit rinds:
“You
can
4565come
sit
down
now
if
4570you
want
to.”
6:08 pm:
no vegetables at all:
4575(the grapefruit I had
earlier—is that
a vegetable?) we had
porkchops & rice &
a salad (pecans, raisins,
4580apples, celery, lettuce):
so wonderful to be just
the outside edge of
painfully full:
then coffee!
4585I wish my words could
be quiet
as if
waiting for a mt to
dissolve:
4590or for a burnt woods
to make
cones and acorns:
just north of here’s
the pine-barrens—maybe
459530 × 50 miles:
hasn’t been underwater
since the Miocene,
when it was an
island: has a
4600fern
found
nowhere else in the world:
and a fox there
has a modified kidney:
4605all around deciduous
forests
took over the rising land
so that’s why
the barrens
4610is still an island
(botanical):
our woods, mostly
scrub oak
& pine,
4615have three levels:
the lowgrowth of
floor shrubs:
then laurel,
Quercus marylandicus, and
4620tall shrubs:
then oak & pine:
pine used to be
dominant here: but
when pine is cut
4625oak takes its place:
when oak is burned
over, it
sprouts,
five- and six-trunked:
4630determined:
one day last summer I was
driving long the road
over by Gravelly Run and I
seen this turtle
4635just going
in the bushes: so
I stopped (because my
nephew loves ’em)
and when I stooped to pick
4640up the turtle,
I seen a sight: his back
was hazy with
mosquitoes, thick
as they could
4645stick,
bumming a, now mind you,
ride on a turtle’s back!
saving their wings
& certain
4650sometime they’d be
brought to water:
didn’t see anything
like that in NY:
economy, full use
4655of possibility:
(if you were
sitting on a
distant strand,
longing for home,
4660you’d have to
conjure up things to
occupy the time,
too)
9:15 pm:
4665but is it
possible to
talk the chaff
away? can
windy vowels
4670brush off all the bits of
paper
& leave a clean place for
the simple design?
screens
4675between us & memories
we can’t bear:
what unmentionables
of guilt & terror!
go back & see
4680terror as fantasy,
guilt as innocence?
but we’ve
purposely lost
the road back:
4685take it on
faith
we knew no better
then, did the best we
could,
4690& are repentant
for wrongs
imagined or real:
instinct protects us:
let’s accept this
4695provided & open
possibility & go
ahead:
we may redeem ourselves:
feelings, troublesome,
4700volcanic:
disturbances held
down, deep as control
can reach:
should we let go a little?
4705is it our fear of feeling
& not feeling itself
that pours concrete slabs
across our lives?
can we open a valve
4710& let ourselves go
flat like a tire?
or must we have that
pressure for our riding?
11:15 pm: my wife says if
4715you put soft
cookies with
crisp cookies the
crisp cookies turn soft:
bad apples with
4720good apples: bad
potatoes with good
potatoes:
(2nd Law Thrmdnmcs)
soilage spreads
4725&
nature is trying to get
everything back
into the mill:
we exist because we’re
4730afire (& burning out):
today the dry burn in
my nose of a cold
coming on:
I should have known:
4735that bus back
from NY the
other night
had no heat—I’d put my
coat in the rack—and the
4740guy beside me fell asleep:
(he woke up in pain:
had had a few
beers
before boarding the bus—
4745said
they were the longest miles
he’d ever ridden: express,
sir, we don’t make
stops)
4750little girl ahead of me
kept trying to push her
seat back, hitting me
in the long-legged
knees:
4755she waited till I seemed
asleep: then, ram! wow:
people:
her mother, beside her
in the aisle seat, was
4760rather attractive:
scratched her daughter’s
head: daughter said, that
feels good: & scratched
her mother’s head:
4765(grooming: no lice
to pop in teeth as
reward)
energy transformations:
how do
4770porkchops make
my body turn?
energy, conserved, weaves
in & out (perhaps not
as a
4775separation—structure
& function
are
inextricably
intertwined) is
4780stored, released,
transformed—
still continuum:
what is the
subcellular machine
4785in the eye that
converts
radiant to electrical
energy?
in the chloroplast,
4790radiant to chemical
energy?
how do fireflies
turn
chemical into
4795radiant energy?
the nerve,
chemical
into electrical energy?
mechanisms: necessary
4800exchanges:
worked out & perfected
(proved
practical) long
before we stood
4805by the shores of
incredibly ancient sea:
if we looked only by
what we know,
we couldn’t turn our
4810heads:
if we were at the
mercy of what
we understand,
our eyes couldn’t see:
4815discovery is
praise &
understanding is
celebration:
but understanding
4820is to see itself
fallen short:
our proud words
(that possibly
tear & defame what
4825is)—why
we don’t know
how porkchops
give us the mouth!
but speech
4830potential was
there
& we realized it: we
speak:
cabbage
4835releases energy in us
that trembles
our vocal cords
to tangle with air
& give it shape!
4840Lord, I’m in your
hands: I surrender:
it’s your will
& not mine:
you give me
4845singing shape
& you turn me to dust:
undefined &
indefinable, you’re
beyond reach:
4850what form should my
praise take?
this long thin
song?
to be
4855simply & completely
human?
to unite
everything that has
been made
4860with
tenderness?
we’ve made
miracles of our own!
spaceships
4865abstract as the laws of
motion:
the pure design of
wooden bowls:
wonders & matters
4870of fact: but
where did everything that
is
come from?
while we can’t
4875understand, we can
feel
and
that’s a fine essence,
astonishing as the
4880mitochondrion—
if
not
more
so:
4885leave structure
to the Maker
& praise
by functioning:
1:26 pm:
4890I feel a little
shivery:
the cold’s making—
forgive me—headway:
but I just had a baked ham
4895sandwich, glass of milk &
coffee,
that to be
transformed into
whatever ammunition
4900it can:
after this,
this long poem, I hope I
can do short rich hard
lyrics: lines
4905that can incubate
slowly
then fall into
symmetrical tangles:
lines that can be
4910gone over (and over)
till they sing with
pre-established rightness:
here, I plug on:
whatever the Muse
4915gives, I release
for
this is one possible kind
of song
& has one kind of veracity:
4920I’ve been
looking for a level
of language
that could take in all
kinds of matter
4925& move easily with
light or heavy burden:
a level
that could,
without fracturing, rise
4930& fall
with conception &
intensity:
not be completely
outfaced
4935by the prosaic
& not be inadequate
to the surges:
I’ve hated at times the
self-conscious POEM:
4940I’ve wanted to bend
more, burrowing
with flexible path
into the common life
& commonplace:
4945the denominator
here may be too low: the
lines may be
too light, the song
too hard to hear:
4950still, it’s not been
easy: it’s
cost me plenty:
last day of the year:
I’ve been at this
495525 days—this
idle tendance
of typewriter & Muse—
nearly a month of Sundays:
I’ll miss the
4960hovering over time,
the watchfulness—an idea
about to take hold,
an image reach for shape:
I’ll miss the
4965gathering up into days:
but not all art runs
along: it sometimes
stands by,
selects, stores,
4970alters,
hardens till
like a boulder it
nearly halts the running on:
I anticipate: the
4975empty tape is still
imposing,
frightening:
the unconscious will
have to act out
4980several more shows
before the marginal red
ink
warns it’s time
for a new tape:
4985poetry has
one subject, impermanence,
which it presents
with as much permanence as
possible:
4990the moon was I suppose full
last night:
it cast exact shadows:
9 degrees this morning
with the highest
4995atmospheric pressure
recorded since 1927:
something like 30.82
and mostly sunny
today:
5000clabbering up now
(3:50) though:
thank it’s agonna snow
some:
don’t keer if it do:
5005memories, tapestries:
a huge
wild cherry tree
grew
in the bank
5010of the old deep ditch
that cut
all across the farm
from road to swamp:
field-tree, shady
5015& cool: big roots, turned
gnarled as bark,
stuck out deep down,
dark
with damp:
5020vines o vines
running here & there all
over the place tangling—
jasmine vines or some
kind of honeysuckle
5025(not the shrub honeysuckle
of open woods)
but deep down in the
ditch, crawled into,
an opening, cool,
5030vineless,
with somber trickle of
clear water:
that’s where I used to
find the
5035diamondback
turtle: yellow stars on
black shell: cool &
mysterious,
with ruddy-yellow spotted
5040mouth: a hold of
wildness
leaping in the veins—
like a fountain, or,
prolonged, excitement
5045moderate & lingering
as a spring
oozing into the ditch:
a full tree, alone,
that took on space far &
5050high as it could reach:
corn wdn’t grow
anywhere around:
would yellow,
shrivel, never come
5055to tassel:
that’s why
one May
we girdled
the tree, a narrow
5060belt of white meat
showing and then
the old heavy branches
lightened
and all the stiff
5065fingers
pierced black pleas
into the empty sky:
in my memory all is
white with blossom: the
5070ground is
purple with
blackcherry stain:
and green
leaves hold
5075way up into the day
an oasis of cool,
settling air:
the turtle swims
in my hand:
5080water nearly declares its
running on:
times so far gone: a
new nakedness
at the ends of rows:
5085a new nakedness
of need:
how can these
pictures stay
in my head:
5090how, after lying 30
yrs in darkness, can
they be brought up,
looked at, and
resubstantiated?
5095what we don’t
know’s a scare:
& comfort:
how could we react
if we heard the machinery
5100of our reactions?
there is a silence
in us:
here
I
5105will
make
room
for
more:
5110the record the surf leaves
on the shore
relates tenuously to
any given wave
yet is an exact
5115history:
I can’t hear
all the waves
lapping
back in my life
5120still
there’s a song
running through,
wanting to come out here:
country darkness:
5125no street-corner light:
a yellow kerosene
lamp
across the fields, blown
out:
5130stars
in an uncompromised
clarity
rush into, dusting
the heavens:
5135see that?
where?
over there—cat-eyes:
two little stars:
look at that
5140luminous dust,
the thick axis of the
galaxy:
on
this cool
5145sandpath
I’m experiencing
the galaxy?
human concern in
country darkness is
5150narrow
& short of range
in a wide
rangeless house!
raining:
5155at the borderline &
promise
of snow:
gale warnings up
along the coast:
5160no small craft to
enter heavy water:
(the gulls are safe:
on the ground, they stand
erect into the wind
5165that divides from
the beak around them:
in the air—why, the
wind can’t harm what’s
on the wing)
5170too much stability
can’t prepare
for the day
resilience is the style:
go up with the wind,
5175fall sideways,
wings taut to balance,
into the wind:
handling
(winging) what disturbs,
5180use of & victory over:
took down the tree:
undressed it:
stripped off
bright red
5185& frosted yellow balls
& blue bells: unwaved
draping ropes of tinsel:
lines of twinkle-lights
falling straight from
5190a top circle
like bars in a hoop,
disbranched:
heaved it,
stiff, shriven, out the
5195back door
into the rain:
silly tree:
lying there, shorn
of meaning, some
5200strips of tinsel
glistering
with sorrow of old joys:
an old woman
glittering
5205with jewels &
timeless paint:
beauty that’s been used
can’t comprehend
the special contempt
5210of loss: lifts its
wrinkled chin
& lets
tears dance,
held in a stubborn
5215survival of will:
or
maybe
the tree,
naked,
5220caught with a ragged
glitter on,
welcomes
the return of its own
dead
5225branches
to their natural
configuration
and loves the cold
beading
5230& hanging on
of rain,
in that remnant truth,
alive:
or maybe
5235knew
better than the beholders
and even at the moment
of its highest shining
a perishing
5240that drove rain
among its ornament:
(I forgot what
I was going to write
about today)
5245(it was going to start out
something like—wise up,
you guys)
have I prettified the
tragedies,
5250the irrecoverable
losses: have I
glossed over the
unmistakable evils:
has panic
5255tried to make a flower:
then, hope distorts
me:
turns wishes into lies:
I care about the statement
5260of fact:
the true picture
has a beauty higher
than Beauty:
minds
5265that have made so much
effort,
learned all over
again
the alphabets,
5270the battles,
architectures,
vegetables,
monarchs,
philosophies—
5275minds
unique with memories,
of conversations,
bodies,
homesteads,
5280degenerate, wear thin,
wear out,
and the woven,
worked fabric
disperses:
5285the fragments
lose meaning:
the light
that was on each fragment
goes out:
5290I know
the standing on loose
ground:
I know the
violence, grief, guilt,
5295despair, absurdity:
the sky’s raw:
the star
refuses our wish,
obliterates us with
5300permanence,
scope of its
coming & going:
I know what it is
to feel around in
5305the dark
for a hold
& to touch
nothing:
we must bear
5310the dark edges of
our awareness:
taken in our measure,
we’re unexcelled:
perceptions:
5315appetites & satiations:
beside the terror-ridden
homeless man
wandering through
a universe of horror
5320dwells
the man at ease
in a universe
of light:
let’s tend our
5325feelings &
leave the Lord
His problems
(if any): He
got us this far on His own:
5330& millions have come
& gone in joy
(predominantly):
today
feels above freezing & is
5335sunshiny: so
bright on the tape, I
squint,
inhibited & frustrated:
don’t want to close the
5340blinds: three plants
in here
(besides the
crown-of-thorns): they’ll
use the sun
5345soon as it moves over
a little:
feels good on my back:
I thought I’d thrown off
that cold yesterday (plenty
5350of grapefruit
& water)
but I feel stuffy again
this morning:
ragged vocal cords:
5355the soul accepts areas of
reality
that are machineries to
gratification: income,
praise, sexual pleasure:
5360but when the areas
return
frustration &
loss of self-esteem, the
soul shrinks back into
5365detachment, cold &
uncommitted:
no one questions
pleasure or the
reality of its
5370source:
mazes here: shifts,
compensations, balances,
impositions, demands,
dislocations, exchanges:
5375working together,
out, & against:
some areas clearing into
resolution:
one fellow says, get
5380money: the wealthy are
excused: wealth, in a
hard world, is
proof:
another says, do
5385what you’re here
to do: money’s
secondary:
success or failure:
terms of definition:
5390another fellow says,
be successful:
when authority is
multiple &
self-contradictory, look
5395inside,
formulate & defend
your own authority:
many different sets
of things can work out
5400right:
they say creation is
thwarted unless
a man accepts & realizes
himself, stands open
5405& finished
as a flower:
what of the evil man?
is he evil because he
realized himself
5410or because he didn’t?
conflict between
self-realization &
society:
how’s the adjustment
5415to work out?
can society cut its
individuals down? can it,
without crumbling, bend
to accommodate them?
5420complicated, inconclusive,
organic,
working itself out: so
the center,
strongly rooted,
5425is rooted in motion:
a nexus
always becoming, its
strength
relatedness:
5430poured into an axiomatic
box
one pays the cost of his
security:
(may be a fair
5435buy—depends)
earth holds in motion
by poise
between gravity
& centrifugal
5440force:
the lichen’s safe
with the tree:
the tree lasts a long
time in the earth:
5445the ground
keeps still:
motion holds us
apart, related:
I send this ahead:
5450can you
take a liking
to the song?
when we meet,
will you shake hands,
5455offer me a drink?
will you tell me
how you’re moved by
fears & dreams & what
your plans are
5460& exactly
what you think about
when you wake up at night?
if I seem aloof
will you spot it as a
5465guard
& help me down? if I
act insincere,
will you know it’s my fear
you will expel me from
5470your sincerity?
see the roads I’ve
traveled
to come to you:
monsters I’ve engaged:
5475have I earned the grace
of your touch?
and if I sit blank,
hearing the high
conversation of
5480the Muse, listening
hard
to get the words right,
will you understand
I’ve not scorned you?
5485and if the song she
gives,
pressing in its naked
insistence, repels you,
will you
5490still allow me to serve
one
higher than your praise
or blame?
will you care for me
5495specially because of
that?
can you tolerate another
woman in the house?
high in the mid-forties:
5500mostly sunny & mild:
quantum physics
in human affairs:
the laws work
about the same
5505in bodies, morals, or
politics (or art)
but
the law
you can’t pin down is
5510the one coming:
ancient laws with
the built-in
possibility of novelty:
fellow said
5515everybody says “when my
ship comes in”
says
“they never sent one out”
one smart cookie:
5520says his ships return now
from so many directions
he can’t keep up:
&
every
5525one
loaded
with
money:
pure
5530money:
the economic forecast will
increase his fleet
if it comes true:
thirty yrs ago he didn’t
5535have nothing:
now there’s nothing he
can’t have:
(can’t have the
thirty yrs back,
5540but neither can
you)—
trouble is, he says, if
you can buy something you
don’t want it:
5545doesn’t want anything &
has a million bucks to
prove it:
he sacrificed & sent the
ships out:
5550I think he’s glad:
he’s a glad,
independent man: loves
a lot of inexpensive
things—bushes, roses,
5555maypops:
loves them with
complete ease,
not having to run
somewhere to do something:
5560apologize he
should be working: unh-unh:
talks with you in
detail
about rosehips (home-
5565grown)
as if nothing else in
the world mattered:
I knew another man who
worked just as hard,
5570spent every dime and now
is old & in a kind
of rant:
don’t ask me what you
should do:
5575if you decide to
sacrifice, you’ll
do the sacrificing—&
there’re no guarantees:
it’s your business:
5580figure it out
for yourself:
if you don’t look out
for yourself, who else
has the time?
558511:10 pm:
the eleven o’clock news
says
the plane that went down
in the early December
5590storm
was hit by lightning:
the pilot said
something like, “This is
flight 214: we are
5595going down in flames”:
& the tower said something
like,
“Flight 214: we have
your message”:
5600today is warm & sunny:
may go up to 50:
the light seems
to have body,
& the crown-of-thorns
5605that lost nearly all
its leaves is
sprouting green tips
along the branches:
(one way of standing aside
5610from the fight
is to win it:
failure’s more despised
than cruelty)
my cold’s worse:
5615in the chest:
feel puffed &
weak: but
gotta keep moving along:
it’s impossible
5620there’s not an end to this
tape:
move along, little
dogies:
Wyoming must be somewhere:
5625don’t throw your heads
back to lick
shoulder flies:
don’t put that front leg
out
5630& bend to graze:
git on, for God’s sake:
that mountain’s
been ahead three days:
the sun strikes my
5635coffee & puts
a ring of light, like
Saturn, on the wall:
two poles
with bobbing center:
5640jiggling design:
(the conservation of
angular momentum:
transfers of energy
of motion:
5645there’re many levels &
at some of them
abstraction works:
like a charm)
the vine that (still
5650green) tangles under
the cherry tree
reminds me of a brain:
why?
it’s a vine:
5655or of a bed of sexual
nerves
intermingling:
or it’s the
held green,
5660the durable freshness, of
what keeps low,
undercover
(cherry tree & sumac
grove): or
5665it reminds me how
reality can go so many
ways
at so many levels
5670of a clump:
discernible unity:
but it’s vine:
I put mirrors in it
& behold myself:
5675given mind, we became
strangers here:
with mind, we convert
strangeness
to humanness:
5680we unnaturalize:
3:20 pm: today is near-
ly shot aready:
got up ear-
ly & drove
5685mother- & father-in-law to
Philly for train to Fla:
Phyllis & Mary came, too:
stopped on way back at
Korvette’s & traded in two
5690records Phyllis gave me
for Christmas—Elizabethan
& Jacobean songs: ugh:
I got 3 of Bach’s
cantatas instead:
5695somebody may have written
music before
or after Bach but
it wasn’t necessary:
& I like all kines of
5700music:
the day
dwindles
down:
warm again:
5705mid-fifties:
gladioli blades up,
scorched at the edges:
when came they up?
warm spell first part
5710of Dec:
too tall—5"—to’ve
sprung up in couple
days:
an ant reconnoitering
5715the kitchen counter:
is’t that hot?
& a squirrel out:
the fool sayeth there is
no God
5720because he can’t tell
what He is:
the wise man sayeth there is
a God
because he can’t tell
5725what He is:
there’s unity,
but objects don’t
describe it:
nor do words:
5730if you go east on an
east-west highway
this time of year
you will find dirty
snow
5735on the right (by woods)
and a sunny bank (by
woods) on the left:
the reason is,
with the sun low south,
5740the trees
turn their shadows
on one side:
that’s a fact:
caught up
5745in an abstract
configuration:
a further reason is, the
highway’s wider
than the length
5750of the shadows:
wouldn’t work with
footpaths or woods roads:
the proposition is:
when the width of the
5755highway exceeds the length
of the tree shadows (depends
on the kind of
forest—sequoias
would require a
5760vast
thoroughfare) then one
roadbank will be
sunny
(providing it isn’t cloudy)
5765:
or night:
:
unless there’s
a moon:
5770:
in which case
it would be
moony: etc:
now, predict
5775yourself some things with
high probability:
of course, it must have
snowed:
& mostly melted:
5780today is sunny & it may
be warm again:
the jay was in
the cherry
tree
5785breastward to the sun &
he jumped up & opened his
underwings
to the warmth,
looped & flew away:
5790went to dinner last
night (jayless)
at Copsey’s
with Tom & Mary
& we all
5795had lobster tails:
feller said was the best
tail he ever had anywhere:
program & comment in most
music:
5800not
in
Bach
or
Mozart:
5805there, the clear-cut
lofty
motions of musical forms:
no knights thundering
through woods, as in Mahler:
5810no mania cross-country-in-
the-clouds
of Beethoven’s Ninth:
in Bach & Mozart
the meanings are
5815detached, exist among
themselves:
emotion lifts
to intellectual feeling:
without abstraction,
5820fact is
meaningless with isolation:
but abstraction by
the loss of fact
is “out of this world”:
5825today is splennid again:
sunny as to leave no
clouds to be excused:
how I coughed
through black time-gaps
5830& time-emergences
last night:
red-eyed & indoors
today:
coming home:
5835through spotted round
stones with
egg-careful feet:
through thornbrush
across emery sand:
5840who was that I was?
who’s that from
rumblings, dark baffles,
trying to
break, overriding
5845into song?
give me some imago I can’t
become:
steadfast in the
unrealizable:
5850when we solve, we’re
saved by deeper problems:
definition is death:
the final box:
hermetic seal:
5855relieve our hunger, then,
for forms:
give us the
inexhaustible feed: the
box is full outside:
5860(a drop forms at the
icicle-tip, tapers, pulls
free, rounds-up (slightly
flattened falling-side)
breaks free (little
5865explosion of fact)—
the precise event
(sometimes audible)
when it hits the ground)
jever watch a leaf
5870trying to turn over?
one edge may be
caught
by the projection of a
stonelette
5875from hard ground:
the wind
whiffs
and the free edge lifts:
falls back:
5880trembles a little
in steady, low wind:
gusts way up,
nearly vertical,
nearly flop-overable,
5885but falls back—
oops, caught
still at a
45-degree angle
by a sheet of steady,
5890higher wind (higher
than the low):
the action seems no way
intended to satisfy
you—that is, complete
5895itself
by flopping over:
sometimes after hours
of agonizing
expectancy,
5900the wind,
suddenly & inexplicably,
will die down:
maybe, it’ll be
rain finally that turns
5905the leaf over
or floats it off its
hang-up:
or a
completely
5910unanticipated deer
may step
right next to it
& so disorder the ground
as to shift the
5915stonelette
1/64" away: so should a
wind rise
then
why the leaf would have
5920time to gain momentum
before it struck the
hang
& so, whirling,
somersaulting,
5925wd vault right over:
but the leaf may
jam &
leap free all in a
second!
5930breathlessly satisfying:
nature’s entertaining
but makes no effort:
go thru life: some things
you see, some you don’t:
5935they told me the
small world was concrete,
inexhaustible, & where
to dwell:
so I dwelt there:
5940& went smaller &
smaller till
everything turned into a
wave-particle
dilemma:
5945nothing to hold, taste,
hear, or see:
11:08 pm:
day exhausts:
night renews:
5950forms of thought
please or terrify, but
tire:
the mind
in its strife
5955for completion
pales, blurs, dries &
crinkles up:
sleep turns
another way: to the
5960spring: what’s the source
of that fresh water?
how
does it come up into our
days?
5965today is rainy:
started around 7 last nite:
a quiet
warm rain,
musical in the gutterspouts:
5970I woke up a lot
coughing last night
and my awareness would
break into
the rain’s-song—a segment of
5975consciousness—right on
key & phrase: rain’s never
out of tune: a ragged
range of sound, small &
large events, assuming
5980a low, bell-like
resonance:
random averaging
into clusters of random:
there’s a blur-shadow of
5985sun:
it’s clearing up:
the window edges on the
wall are sharpening:
what’s going to happen?
5990no, the blur dies:
the window disappears from
the wall:
not now, not yet:
two jays in the sumac
5995grove: they make
no patterns:
as would three or four:
from branch to ground
to cherry tree
6000to lawn: always two
poles
of an invisible world,
shrinking, enlarging,
dipping, twisting its
6005axis:
two points of radiation:
two sources
with magnetic field:
close in
6010and the emotions rise—
anger
or affection—
and then one jay flies
away:
6015even so, the magnetic
lines hang
with tenuous hold:
sometimes you can keep
track
6020of the patterns five birds
make in a woods edge or
open tree:
beyond that,
you start to have the
6025large round
congregations,
individuals
lost to the general
symmetry:
6030random flocks with overall
direction:
facts are that way: more
than a few
& the facts are lost
6035in a round hypothesis:
while one fact
or two,
though surprising & concrete,
can’t make a meaning:
6040another haze of sun
and a quail calls from the
field:
only the lively use of
language lives:
6045can live
on dead words
& falsehood: the
truths poetry creates
die with
6050their language:
stir any old
language up,
feel the fire in it &
its truths come true
6055again:
the resource, the
creation, and the end of
poetry is
language: the
6060mead-mad bard
did not
depend
on nuclear physics for his
song,
6065but on mead & word:
other elements are:
1)isolated perception
2)related perception
3)imagination: word &
6070image in surprise
4)transfiguration
5)dream: ego &
transfiguration
& there’s feeling,
6075invisible matrix: &
music!
the going tension
that holds us,
suspends, rises & falls,
6080the going on:
poetry is art & is
artificial: but it
realizes reality’s
potentials:
6085Channel 12 (NET) just gave
this list of common
nouns, with plurals:
|
quarrel |
quarrels |
|
shelf |
shelves |
6090 |
study |
studies |
|
donkey |
donkeys |
|
canary |
canaries |
|
goose |
geese |
|
speech |
speeches |
6095 |
knife |
knives |
|
ditch |
ditches |
|
deer |
deer |
hear the sounds,
note the ir-
6100regularities, the vagrancies
& rules:
a language is a particular
instrument
with possibilities
6105peculiar to itself: bring
out the facts:
utilize & heighten
them into untranslatable
sound:
6110which is the other element:
(the substance of
music: tho music is an
integration higher than
pure sound—oriented
6115into waves)
poetry has no use, except
this entertaining play:
passion is
vulgar when not swept up
6120into the cool control
of syllables:
sorrow is brown & empty
unless
ocean vowels thunder
6125from it in
organizations like surf:
then is sorrow that never
was,
come in an ocean
6130that cannot reproduce
itself:
11:10 a.m:
the sun’s bright
through the window:
6135hits the right side of
the thornbush,
illuminating half a
dozen
green leaves:
6140they’ll make food
& pass it around
to limbs that got no sun
today:
thornbush island: sits
6145in an old
triangular ashtray
in a red round
ceramic pot:
ashtray sits on a dry rug:
6150removes from nature
& the sweet ground:
in the pot, a soil,
reticular with roots:
add water
6155&
leaves sprout:
blossoms blossom:
where’s the living part
that transfigures this?
6160under the rug is a mat:
under the mat is
oak floor & subfloor:
under the floor is
7 feet of space
6165&
under that
12 inches of concrete
and under
that
6170the ground:
o island!
how distant you
are
from the true hold!
6175(& earth will send out
seed
in self-sufficient ships,
beading
space with possibilities—
6180what a separation)
(somewhere
they
may
take
6185hold
again!)
how many levels of drought
& stone
have I put
6190between
my soil & flower?
poetry’s my
false water, black
soil,
6195dry blossom:
get out of boxes, hard
forms of mind:
go deep:
penetrate
6200to the true spring:
give up
these islands:
(they’re safely apart—
but apart:
6205take the risk of
moving in)
merge with coming &
going common life:
drink
6210the average
drink:
the system apart, complete:
add water
& serve the bloom:
6215bloom that doesn’t
come to seed,
no need throughout the
rooms
answering the need:
62202:18 pm: didn’t
stay sunny long:
say it may
rain again: but then
tonight clear off
6225& turn cold:
today is sunny & warming:
last night the temperature
must have dropped lower
than the predicted 30:
6230because yesterday’s
rainpools were
frozen half an
inch deep this morning:
(see where the tires broke
6235through)
sunny & cheerless:
no mail (as usual) at the
box: three requests
for subscriptions from
6240magazines: thrown out
unopened:
lonely, isolated business:
since what one sez or duz
means nothing, one is
6245free to sa & du
what one likes: nobody
will get very jarred or
pleased: one
acquires the
6250indifference & moderation
of neglect:
be passionate with
concrete:
6255or try to lift a
water-spiral from the sea:
turn in anguish, scream
& sprout leaves of song
& generally work up
6260a good deal of
dust—the placid
world returns
cool sky & glassy
concern: what
6265must I do
to reach
the top?
something else:
years ago, I had a way of
6270thinking about
truth (again):
how to determine the
topography of
the ocean’s floor:
6275soundings: one here,
one there: a sample
depth of an area wide as
a steel cable:
the more soundings,
6280the more clearly (& truly)
the stippled terrain
begins to appear:
soundings twenty miles
apart
6285will approximate reality:
(tho you could miss
a fabulous cleft
or cone):
only infinite (impossible)
6290samplings could
produce a map symbolic
of the truth: & then the
map would be too small,
every sounding translated
6295into a different
dimension:
the only representation
of the sea’s floor
is the sea’s floor itself:
6300we take soundings & we
get schemas, approximations,
but we can’t come
to the whole truth:
then I’d turn the method
6305to the mind, make soundings
on & on, get some vague
stippled configurations:
realized the mind can’t be
rendered up:
6310say what you please
(or I please) about me:
it’s partial
& schematic: I’m
free
6315&
unknown:
the only me that is
is the me that is:
tho there are
6320organizations,
saliences, directions
approximately
perceivable & reliable:
long as we can’t exhaust
6325ourselves, we can
grow & change:
1:31 pm:
somewhere, far off,
things come together,
hope rising from and
6335moderating strength:
somewhere, far off,
there’s no expense to the
part
in the whole:
6340somewhere
the ideal, the abstraction,
takes on flesh:
what a celebration! our
little earth
6345united, shining in peace,
hate managed,
rerouted:
the direction thru
history is clear:
6350unity amassing larger
& larger territories,
till now
neighborhoods of nations
meet
6355under the name “United
Nations”:
the cost has been
great in
time & slaughter, it seems
6360we’ve already earned
the prize:
let it be:
these are the
motions: listen to
6365their music: improve
their economies:
atoms make molecules &
molecules make
matter & matter
6370makes a universe: go
that way:
rise:
rather than
abolish the
6375particle (individual)
unity, strong, self-assured,
may afford the
individual
more comfortably than
6380division could:
7:38 pm:
deep down inside are
fireworks
& a whole mess of rivers:
6385very interesting
country:
rip-roaring violences &
someone solicitous
fanning an angry one
6390in the shade:
one over by a rock
making up songs
as if there were no
world at all:
6395a wiry, fur-ragged lecher
running with
lawless hard-on,
whickering, leering, &
licking his lips:
6400one
writhes, a beautiful lady
with high
feathery hat
doing a spike-heeled dance
6405on his heart,
tossed clear
into the merciless open:
two squabble,
vicious geese,
6410rending each other with
verbal knives
of disappointment:
& one,
prisoned by contrary
6415winds, sits rigid,
distant:
two
young lovers
give & receive, fall
6420asleep, wake into
mysteries, no world
beyond their reach, no
further completion:
I’m afraid to visit:
6425wd take another tape to
get there: & reliable
trip ticket &
return ticket in advance:
& a lot of
6430time to think it over:
thinking’s safer:
(not as much fun, prhps:)
***
a man’s center is his
6435woman,
the dark, warm hole
to which he brings
his meaning,
offering & receiving:
6440other meanings take
wider orbits: many orbits
of meaning:
that’s the nucleus:
you been lookin for a
6445center to the universe?
’s it:
11:06 pm:
was out by
the refuge
6450again this afternoon:
froze up:
birds gone:
cept Canada geese:
they were
6455waterborne
at a melting edge along a
bank:
I scared’em out
& they
6460slipped & skidded on the
ice! threw their wings
out
to right themselves
with air:
6465two bald iggles
been sighted out
there:
tell me:
can you beat that?
6470I looked for any but
couldn’t find some:
today ben
der clouds
downwashen
6475die rainingdroppes
und
tickleticklen
der puddlepoolens
und
6480all around ben der wind
upswelling
und sideswashing
dem glitterglassen
windowpanen:
6485und smalle foules haben
der tails
downgedroppen
for offdrippen
der raingingdroppes:
6490und die upshouten mouths
ben upshuten gehaben:
Muse, let
my blood
stir!
6495and, you, hear
arteries & veins
bring song
bridging heart to heart:
the tenderspoken
6500assurer: the gentle
enlightener &,
till enlightened,
protector: arrive:
say you’re
6505going on a journey
& need one to teach:
teach me,
father:
behold one whose
6510fears
are the harnessed
mares of his going!
fiery delights,
pounding hoof
6515& crystal eye:
where before
dread
& plug-mule
plodded:
6520clod:
mere earth:
how the cornroots
lift
earth out of the
6525ground:
clod,
I’ll infuse you
with blood:
show how many ways you
6530can be
unlike a clod:
quiver with incredible
fire—oh, burn,
transfigured sod!—
6535squeeze
your slick cold hands
in the fear
& pleading of death:
clods are
6540dispassionate, come
in geometries &
configurations most
beautiful—you, tho,
with how much
6545ferocity,
what violence of outrage,
can you defend your
woman?
unto a clod, how unlike:
6550dance!
throw in:
throw yourself
into the river
of going:
yesterday at
the refuge:
red hawk,
sprung up from dike reeds,
6560in each claw
held
a shoulder-wing of a
robin-size
bird,
6565the parts clinging
together, empty spaces,
threads, the raked,
ragged body:
I don’t know what
6570Canada geese think:
they see the
little bird
fly by
under the hawk
6575(last
flight—
the ground covered unseen:
the feather-molding
wind unfelt,
6580cold air
rushing in
where a heart was,
rushing
through
6585where was
back muscle of wingbone)
tho you have wronged me,
still I love you:
6590(that ought to put
the squeeze on you
good)
(see you get out
of that one):
6595don’t do anything specially
moral: I may want to
shed you:
wrong me:
with the wrongs you
6600do me, I unlock myself
from the prison
of your tenderness:
the clean fight
in bed
6605turns
into children!
I will consume
you: consume
me:
6610I break away
into my gratified self:
leave me alone:
don’t smother me with
unrequited concern:
6615you cushion &
absorb my thrust!
be a wall, for my sake!
resist
so I can plunge you
6620down:
this soft way
unmans me:
ah, but sweet
rest, that pliable
6625wall
surrendered, loose:
that hairy stone
rocking with my given
pool!
6630who are you?
come out in the open:
let me see you:
your breasts, the
pellets
6635afloat in warm white seas:
I will eat your
mouth:
crush the
numb of love
6640out of my
lips:
who are you I have not
figured you out: you
shift: you’re here
6645& there:
changing, yielding,
presenting;
stand in one place:
let me anchor
6650my connection: do
not fight me to death
by swimming
away, side to side:
don’t drive me crazy:
6655be still:
the ache possesses
me:
let’s fight it out:
turn this strife &
6660celebration
into infants:
there’s the warless
love,
the giving that receives:
6665Muse, provide:
entangle me beyond sense
or need of place:
let me far & richly in
so
6670the words pour:
we have yet a while
to fill this tape: it’s
getting small:
it turns fast:
the red edge will
rise
from the floor: it’ll
climb,
6680go under the roller, then
turn up
& out into the light:
how glad I’ll be then!
I’m so tired
6685you can’t imagine:
I want to do other things:
and you, O supposed
(& actual maybe)
reader: how
6690weary you are!
I’ve bludgeoned you
with every form of
emptiness: you’ve
endured my
6695wrestling need:
may something accrue
to satisfy you:
let’s sit down & exchange
tenderness of speech:
6700have I deserved the
engagement of your eyes?
may I take your
time?
this noise & length
6705says
I honor your moments
of silent understanding:
let’s sit down on
a parkbench
6710& talk how the world
appears & disappears,
sung through
by light we have the
tune to:
6715if you find me
dropped in a corner
from the circles of
conversation,
come in continuous
6720motion, without breakage
of barriers,
& confer the touch of yr
speech upon my lips:
I’ll reward you
6725with secrets of
hands &
dandelions, money-needles
& moonlit nights: the
weeds
6730have given me
their bitter song:
come with need
to a specialist
in need:
6735we’ll exchange
gaps,
fulfilling:
our spaces will
let us
6740come close:
intermingle:
if suddenly I
get up
& blow the joint—
67451 haven’t forgotten you:
don’t think it for a
moment: please:
sometimes, when I’m
off-balance &
6750unsuspecting, the
Muse takes my mind:
if I’m not to lose it
& her
I have to follow,
6755clear out in a hurry:
at another time,
you’d be surprised
how much I can
remember & care:
6760der greyische skies ben
maken
sidewalkens
into mirrorshiners
mit mistyfoggendroppes:
6765today is windy as March
& sunny:
a window whines like
boring bees:
the outside lid
6770of the exhaust fan
in the kitchen
flaps:
the wind’s muffled weight
falls against the end of
6775the house:
whipping branches
in whistling trees:
we turn away from
galaxies
6780to the warm knot
in the dark:
somehow in taking
pleasure
from yr body,
6785I have given you
my heart:
I care now
more for you than for
the pleasure you give
6790me:
you, your total
self, my anchorage:
the universe shifts its
center:
6795it turns about you:
who are you?
will you destroy
me?
went to a
6800party last
night:
& the living room was
large:
the guests sat around
6805the walls
in a periphery of beads:
some beads clustered into
groups:
but it was too far
6810to cast a line
across the room’s
vacant center:
lack of unity:
disintegration overall
6815with random
integrations:
fun, tho: beads
shift,
regrouping the periphery:
6820combinations:
my plants are in full sun
now,
the chloroplasts
are working around the
6825peripheries of cells:
look!
there’s the red
ink!
rising from the
6830floor:
Muse, I’ve done the best
I could:
sometimes you ran out
on me
6835& sometimes I ran out
on you:
I know you better now:
you’ve come closer:
will you
6840confer the high
grace of your touch?
come & live enduring with
me:
I’ll be faithful:
6845I won’t trick you:
I’ll give you all
I’ve got:
bestow tendance &
concern:
6850help me to surrender
myself:
I’ll be the
fingers & keys
of your song:
6855I’ll ask nothing
but the sound
of yr voice:
reader, we’ve been thru
a lot together:
6860who are you?
where will you go
now?
coughed a lot last night:
6865round
4:20 a.m. got up &
took a shot of
brandy:
numbed the tickle
6870some:
slept better:
just had lunch:
cold baked ham:
coffee: chocolate fudge
6875cookie:
last night had duck
(Bobby’s favorite) at
Mary’s: conversation:
hearing people
6880talk, how marvelous:
I’m alone too much: get
to think
other people
aren’t people:
6885the 200-inch glass
shows a
billion-billion galaxies:
what is God
to this grain of sand:
6890dispersions:
it’s as brave to accept
boundaries,
turn to the center given,
& do the best you can:
6895think of other
people: devise some
way of living
together:
get some fun out of life:
6900how about the one who sez:
it’s too late
for me to start: I
haven’t got anywhere:
I can’t get anywhere:
6905how do the hopeless
get some fun out of
life?
apes get
something out of life:
6910they don’t ask what is:
bamboo shoots,
tender, cool:
they have a head man:
they pair off
6915& raise babies:
they defend:
they sometimes rest in
clearings
and groom themselves
6920in sunlight:
have our minds taken us too
far, out of nature, out of
complete acceptance?
we haven’t remembered our
6925bodies:
let’s touch, patiently,
thoroughly: beyond
vanity:
but for all our trouble
6930with the mind,
look what it’s done:
a fact at a time:
a little here (there’s
the red ink
6935turned into the light!)
a little there:
let’s be patient: much
remains
to be known: there may
6940come
re-evaluation:
if we don’t have
the truth, we’ve
shed
6945thousands of errors:
haven’t seen the
jay:
a sparrowhawk
can stand still
6950in a high wind, too:
coming home:
how does one come
home:
self-acceptance:
6955reconciliation,
a way of
going along with this
world as it is:
nothing ideal: not as
6960you’d have it:
testing, feeling the way:
ready to
readjust, to make
amends:
6965self, not as you would
have it:
nevertheless, take
it:
do the best you
6970can with it:
I wrote about these
days
the way life gave them:
I didn’t know
6975beforehand what I
wd write,
whether I’d meet
anything new: I
showed that I’m sometimes
6980blank & abstract,
sometimes blessed with
song: sometimes
silly, vapid, serious,
angry, despairing:
6985ideally, I’d
be like a short poem:
that’s a fine way
to be: a poem at a
time: but all day
6990life itself is bending,
weaving, changing,
adapting, failing,
succeeding:
I’ve given
6995you my
emptiness: it may
not be unlike
your emptiness:
in voyages, there
7000are wide reaches
of water
with no islands:
I’ve given you the
interstices: the
7005space between
electrons:
I’ve given you
the dull days
when turning & turning
7010revealed nothing:
I’ve given you the
sky,
uninterrupted by moon,
bird, or cloud:
7015I’ve given
you long
uninteresting walks
so you could experience
vacancy:
7020old castles, carnivals,
ditchbanks,
bridges, ponds,
steel mills,
cities: so many
7025interesting tours:
the roll has lifted
from the floor &
our journey is done:
thank you
7030for coming: thank
you for coming along:
the sun’s bright:
the wind rocks the
naked trees:
7035so long:
1963–1964