CHAPTER 23

MY JOURNEY CONTINUES: 2013–2019

When I delivered the final manuscript for my third book, It’s Not You, It’s Me, last year (OMG, did I just say third book? That feels surreal … ), my publisher told me she had been thinking about re-releasing my first book Strictly Inspirational in paperback. She asked me to write a new chapter to bring it up to date and include everything that had happened since it was first published six years ago. I was delighted when she told me it would have a new cover, the one I’d always dreamt of, one that would focus on why I wrote it in the first place – to inspire the reader to know that magical things can happen and dreams come true when we believe they will and take action toward them.

So to add this new chapter, I’ve reflected back on my now almost six years in LA with my husband. Never in a million years did I know when I moved here, to follow my passion and dream of writing my first book, that I would have three selfhelp books published in that time, that I would have danced my 2008 Strictly Come Dancing winning dance with Tom Chambers 31 times, that meditation would become such a big part of my life and my coaching business, and that I would become the head judge on Dancing with the Stars in New Zealand, seated on the judging panel next to my client Julian, who I mentioned in Chapter 21. In my personal life, I didn’t know that my husband would have reinvented his entire career, that our beloved dog Sven would be chasing baseballs in heaven by now, and that my dear Far would have joined him too. So, although there have been so many magical moments over the last six years, I have also had to face the grief of losing my Far and Sven. And although certain life events, like getting married or having children, can make you feel like a grown-up, I felt that losing my Far kicked me right into the proper adult club.

I have talked about grief in this book already, so I won’t dwell on it in this new chapter (I think I could probably fill a whole book with what I have learnt and am still learning), but I wanted to share how immensely grateful I have been for the practice of meditation throughout this difficult time, both as I sat with my Far at the end of his life and after his passing. Meditation supports me daily, and if you are struggling with something similar and need a supporting voice to guide you, I would urge you to try it. (I’ve included some meditations that you can listen to online in the resources section, including some of my own recordings.)

As I’m typing this, and in all those moments when I feel like curling up in a ball and crying my eyes out because I miss my Far so much in the physical world, I take inspiration from some of the last words he said to me: ‘I need you to keep walking and never look back.’ This powerful statement injects forward motion for me every time I think of it. And, well, as for our beloved dog Sven – his memory is very much alive, as my husband and I talk about him most days. I’m grateful for the wonderful memories and the fact that I have my spiritual practice. I believe in energy and that it never goes just because someone is not physically here. As Marianne Williamson said, ‘What has been created by love can never be uncreated.’

My Far also showed me the power of gratitude. Even as he suffered and was in terrible pain from the cancer at the end, he practised gratitude until his last breath. I have a gratitude practice I use all the time to change my mood, and if you haven’t already made being thankful part of your life then I urge you to do so. Science even shows that gratitude works to improve our mental health.

TRY THIS …

Make it your morning practice to simply list as many things as you can that you feel grateful for in the first three minutes of waking up. Notice what feelings are flowing through you as you do this.

Nobody fails in Hollywood, some just leave too early

I want to be clear about our move to LA and starting over in a new country. It was by no means a smooth ride without challenges – it’s just that Kevin and I decided that we were going to make LA our home and that, whatever happened, we would be fully committed to making it work. That meant we rolled up our sleeves and worked hard. For the first three years, I had to travel back to the UK a lot. I was scaling down my business and dancing gigs in the UK to afford to invest in my coaching business in LA.

Soon after we arrived, I remember someone saying it can take three to five years to be successful here and that nobody fails in ‘Hollywood’ – some people just leave too early. I think part of that is true, and it was three years before I could say I had completely moved my business to LA and made enough connections to create a network and possibilities for myself in the States. I have seen many magical reinventions, including my own and Kevin’s, where people move to LA with one career in mind but, once there, intuition guides them in a different direction. These are people who have stayed open to the possibility that there was a different path meant for them and have followed it, ending up with a career and life they enjoy.

I’ll never forget the day Kevin told me over dinner that he wasn’t sure he wanted to be an actor any longer. I felt the fear set in immediately and there was a bit of ‘Are you kidding me? You are finally in Hollywood and you have years of experience and now you tell me this.’ I feared that the two of us reinventing ourselves at the same time was going to affect us financially and realized we would both have to make some adjustments while we found our stride. However, it meant the second book I was writing at the time, Reinvent ME, had even more purpose. It was written for exactly these times – when we feel stuck and lost, whether in relationships or in our careers, and are facing upheaval but have no idea what the future will look like. It was not ideal for Kevin and me to be going through this at similar times, but I knew it was necessary if we were to truly live a life that was aligned with our soul purpose on this planet.

Unplug meditation

As meditation became a daily practice for me, I felt more in tune with my intuition, and one of my friends from the UK, who had also moved to LA, told me about a studio called Unplug Meditation that she thought I would love. Unplug Meditation was the first of its kind in the world – it was like a dry bar for meditation, with different types of classes all day long, including aromatherapy, guided meditation and sound baths. I immediately headed down there to take a class and to write about it for my column in a UK magazine, Health and Wellbeing. As soon as I walked through the doors, I felt as if I had come home. I took the class and then went straight to the owner of the studio, Suze Yalof Schwartz, and told her that I didn’t want to leave – that I felt like I was meant to coach and teach meditation and hypnosis there. Suze, who is now a dear friend, told me that there were many people who wanted to teach there. I went home that evening and told Kevin how strongly I felt that I needed to be there. I kept going back to meditate at Unplug and about a month later Suze asked me to audition. I had been teaching and recording meditations for years for my clients, but I had never taught meditation in a larger group setting – only hypnosis – so I was a little nervous at first. However, Suze hired me and even passed the last class she was teaching to me, which was a huge honour.

Since that day I have done, and still do, many collaborations with Suze and Unplug. I even convinced Suze to add special group hypnosis classes to the schedule, which I love to teach. This story once again confirms what I spoke about earlier: when I sent in that one short article to the magazine editor, which became a magazine column that I still write to this day and in turn inspired me to write books. In this case it all started with walking into Unplug Meditation, writing about it, and then it becoming such a huge part of my life.

Representing Unplug has taken me to New York, San Francisco and Portugal, to mention just a few places, and I have hosted corporate meditations for them all over the States and met some wonderful clients, as well as recording many meditations for the Unplug app. I’m thankful I have learnt to trust my intuition and that gut feeling and have felt able to communicate when I feel something is aligned.

One thing I’ve really learnt from living in LA is that if you don’t let people know what you feel drawn to, and would like to do, they can’t possibly help you. I probably wouldn’t be working with Unplug if I hadn’t told Suze how I felt, which is hard to believe now because I appreciate our community so much, both as a teacher and as a student, and being part of this studio has pushed me to continually learn and add new skills. Since I started there I have added crystal sound and reiki healing to my skillset. I hope this little story from my life will inspire and remind you how taking just one action toward something you find interesting can put you in a situation that is absolutely where you are meant to be, and bring you closer to your dreams, goals and soul purpose.

Strictly Come Dancing tour 2015

By now you know how much I love a dream board, right? Remember my story in Chapter 22, about the dream board I made with the Strictly Come Dancing glitter ball on it – how I wasn’t specific on it at first and then added 2008 onto it, which was the year that I won it with Tom. Well, when I left the show in 2008 I created another dream board, visualizing my dream of becoming a judge on the show. I even went to the trouble of cutting out the photos of the judging desk and adding my face onto the line-up next to the other judges. I ended up going for an interview, when a position became available, but the job went to someone else. Years later, in 2014, when I got offered the job to judge on the tour with Craig Revel Horwood and Tom, I went back to my vision board to check it and discovered that the pictures I had used of the judges and the desk were from the Strictly Come Dancing tour magazine, rather than the actual TV show. So it had worked, I guess, but if I wanted to be on the show I should have used the pictures from the show. The lesson here again is BE SPECIFIC!

The tour was so much fun, though. When I choreographed the winning 2008 dance, I’d thrown everything but the kitchen sink into it, thinking it was only going to be danced once on the night of the final, not 31 shows in a row! It was so magical to perform it live in front of such huge, supportive audiences and to get a chance to thank some of the people who had voted for us and helped win the glitter ball. It was also really special to dance it live in front of my parents, as they hadn’t been there on the night of the final.

Little did I know, as I sat there at the desk with Tom and Craig, that it would also be my preparation for becoming the head judge on Dancing with the Stars in New Zealand. Now remember Julian who I mentioned in Chapter 21, who I had promised we would move to LA? Well I have been his life coach for quite some years and he gave me permission to share with you that while helping him manifest the job as a judge in New Zealand on Dancing with the Stars, I also somehow manifested me sitting next to him as the head judge. Although I really wanted to stay with the Strictly family in the UK, it meant so much to be invited to join the New Zealand team. As you know, Brendan and I had been New Zealand champions and we had owned a house there and had hoped to one day call it home. I hadn’t been back since we split up and I missed it so much. I was so grateful for the opportunity to go back to this magical place – I literally cried the minute I stepped foot on New Zealand soil. It’s hard to do justice to this sacred land with words, as its beauty has to be felt. I felt this was very much my dancing life coming full circle, but it was my goal to go there and give constructive feedback using the skills from my life coaching business, and to use this new platform to spread the word about meditation and how powerful it can be in supporting our mental health.

As my coaching business and network grew in the States, it became apparent to me that I had to commit to my US dream 100 per cent of the time, which meant I had to start saying no to gigs that kept taking me back to the UK, including yearly pantomimes and dancing with Ian. It was clear to me where my passion lay – in my writing, life coaching and speaking business. In 2017 I retired officially from my professional dance career with one last dance tour. The last night Ian and I danced, on a beautiful full moon night by the ocean, felt so right – I knew I was ready to let that part of my life and career go, and I haven’t looked back since. These days writing, life coaching, hypnosis and meditation fill my days, and my heart has never been more full, but I will be forever grateful for everything dance and living life as an athlete taught me – I often draw on the experiences in my work. To truly flow in life, we must be willing to let go of things to create space for new opportunities. You cannot add to an already overcrowded wardrobe in your house or in your life.

To truly flow in life, we must be willing to let go of things to create space for new opportunities.

Our new bundle of joy

I know, reading this heading, you probably instantly thought ‘Aww bless, they’ve had a baby,’ so bear with me! About three years ago we rescued another young dog called Charlie and she became Sven’s best friend. We had visualized a little doggie who loved cuddles. One evening Kevin went online to look at dogs who needed a home and up popped a photo of Charlie. We drove to the rescue home and as soon as I held her in my arms I could feel that she was a bundle of pure love, and the rest is history. Sounds romantic? Well I didn’t mention she pooped whilst I was holding her – less glamorous now, right? I took it as a sign, though, that she was relaxed in my company. She immediately wanted to be Sven’s best friend and Sven didn’t seem to mind. They quickly fell asleep next to each other and she was by Sven’s side every day until his last breath. She has been such a joy for us through the loss too. A real bundle of love.

The pressures of social media

When I first wrote this book, I had just moved to LA and opened an Instagram account. I had used Twitter before but had not really got the handle of Instagram, and I was turned down for certain opportunities because of my lack of followers. What I see a lot from my clients, and sometimes for myself too, is that on days when we are not feeling our best, the need to compare our journey to others online can arise. So many times people have told me they need to have a bigger following to do ‘xyz’, but luckily I didn’t let that stop me. It kind of reminded me of back in the day when certain dance coaches used to think they knew what I was capable of and were busy telling me I wouldn’t make it and that I should just give up. I learnt back then that action speaks louder than words and I simply focused on my journey and my goals and kept myself accountable, taking action each day toward my dreams.

Please know that although social media is a great way of sharing and connecting, there are so many ways to do business, and the most important thing is to follow what feels authentic to you and the rest will follow. If I had accepted the publishers who told me I didn’t have a big enough following to write and sell a book, then I would not be sitting typing this today. I reframed that feedback to they were not the right publishers for me and I kept searching until I found the right fit for me. They say when we know, we know, so if you feel inspired to do something with every fibre of your body and your intuition is guiding you, I would lean in hard and follow your own inner compass.

If you feel inspired to do something with every fibre of your body and your intuition is guiding you, I would lean in hard and follow your own inner compass.

Anything is possible

As I finish this chapter, I want to leave you with this thought – sometimes the difference between making it happen and not making it happen (achieving something and not achieving something) is just the difference between actually doing it and simply not doing it, or believing it will happen or believing it won’t. All I needed to get my first book deal was to believe in myself and that I could do it. And what was vital to remember was why I was doing it. I wanted to write for the same reason I wanted to become a life coach, to be of service in this world and to pass on the tools I knew were helpful and could support others. My dream of being an author was not about the money but rather from a desire to have an outlet through which I could serve on a bigger scale and help people. I was seeking a team who I could learn from in the publishing field, as this was all new to me – someone who believed in me and what I was trying to achieve through this book. We often think we need many people, but in fact having just one person who believes in us and understands our vision is enough, and having that one publisher, Jo, who took a bet on me, was the beginning of a whole new chapter in my life (pun intended) and here we are. I hope you know by now that it wasn’t that I had more luck and magic than anyone else to make my dreams a reality. I simply dreamt of it, visualized it, made a plan and then action by action and hard work I did it. Just the way you can too.

• Do you have a dream?

• Are you ready to believe in yourself?

• Are you ready to do what it takes to make it a reality?

• If yes, start now and make a plan of action.

There is always one small thing we can do right now, even if it’s just doing some research or reading a helpful book that will support our dream. You got this. I believe in you! Remember, everyone has something unique to share with the world, including you!