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Have you ever attended a women’s retreat and felt left out? For Tami, the thought of spending the weekend with 70 other women was not her idea of a good time. She’d much rather go on a fishing trip with a bunch of guys than spend the weekend with emotional women talking about menopause, the latest sale at Nordstrom, and other useless small talk. But as newcomers to the church, her husband urged her to go and make some friends. Reluctantly she agreed.
The day of the retreat, she stood at the registration table with that sinking feeling she had made a mistake. She was assigned a room with three other women she didn’t know. She didn’t recognize any faces around her. Tami quickly retreated into her car, called her husband, and started to cry. She wanted to go home, but her husband encouraged her to stay. She walked back into the meeting room and quietly found a seat.
Fast forward to the end of the retreat. I was the speaker that weekend, and when the women were asked what God had done in their lives, Tami was among the first to speak up. She had tears in her eyes again, but this time they were tears of joy. She said,
I didn’t want to come here. I used to be in ministry, but then I fell and felt like God could not use me anymore. This weekend, God has shown me I can still minister to others. A woman prayed for me and quoted a verse in Jeremiah, the exact verse that was prayed over me when I was called into ministry. My three roommates made me feel so welcome. God’s Word says “He sets the solitary in families” (Psalm 68:6 NKJV) and that’s exactly what He did for me at this retreat. I feel part of a family.9
Today Tami is active in her church community, singing in the choir, and sharing her contagious laughter with everyone around her. Being part of a happy and healthy church community has made all the difference in the world.
Are you experiencing the warmth of community in your church? In a Bible study or small group? In a knitting or book club? At your workplace? Whether you play bridge or Bunco with friends, or the piano in a worship band, you need a place to make meaningful connections with others to feel younger and more alive.
My mentor, Pam Farrel, understands this so well she founded an organization called Seasoned Sisters. Seasoned Sisters encourages women to meet in personal support groups to help them live a fantastic life after 40. The name is “seasoned” because these women are old enough to know what they want out of life and wise enough to know what to do with those dreams. “Sisters” because when women stand shoulder-to-shoulder, they are stronger—as when a builder hammers a wall stud or floor joist to an existing stud or joist to strengthen it (called sistering).
Here’s how one Seasoned Sister, Vickie, describes the warmth of community she’s experienced:
My closest friends, women that I trust and admire the most, have been those I met or got to know better through Seasoned Sisters. It is a safe place—one where I feel accepted and encouraged to grow, both in my faith and my personal life. Life was not meant to be experienced alone. The hard times are much less difficult when we have close friends beside us. This stage of life is full of changes and challenges such as empty nest, health issues, and retirement. Seasoned Sisters provides a place for Christian women to laugh, share, and be encouraged.10
You’ll pick up attitudes and habits (both good and bad) from your closest friends, so choose wisely. If you surround yourself with women who constantly complain about their aches, pains, and problems, that’s not going to help you feel younger. When interviewed on the Today show, Dan Buettner, author of The Blue Zones: Lessons for Living Longer from the People Who’ve Lived the Longest, said,
If your three best friends are obese, there’s a 50 percent chance or better that you’ll be overweight and you’ll live less. So if you think about who you hang out with, hang out with people whose idea of physical activity is recreation…It will naturally influence you over the long run, a much more powerful longevity supplement than any pill you can take.11
Are you choosing the kind of friends who will challenge you to be physically fit, mentally active, and spiritually engaged?
One way to find a community of like-minded friends is through social networking on the Internet. Women older than 55 make up the fastest growing age group on the popular social networking website Facebook. About 1.5 million female users over 55 are on the site, roughly a 550 percent increase from just six months prior.12 Think of Facebook as an electronic directory of names, photo album, and living room rolled into one. It’s easy to use and free to sign up. All you need is an email address to begin.
Mothers and grandmothers are logging on to see what their children and grandchildren are up to. Your grandson may not be very talkative when you call him, but you can find out a lot about his interests by reading his Facebook page. You can have meaningful chitchat with your teenage daughter or granddaughter simply by typing in comments and questions.
Besides your family, you can get in contact with high school classmates and former coworkers by entering their names in a people search or entering your school and date of graduation. I have found favorite college professors, kids I grew up with in upstate New York, and coworkers from earlier days.
An online community can help you keep in touch with friends and loved ones and introduce you to new people with similar interests and values. If you’re not sure how to do all this on the computer, have no fear. You can have some bonding time with your son, daughter, grandchild, niece, or nephew as they teach you how to use it.
As convenient as the computer is (you can read the latest scoop on your friends and family without even getting out of your pajamas), nothing can replace meeting others face-to-face. The Bible encourages us in Hebrews 10:24-25, “Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”
Experiencing the warmth of community isn’t just a happy ideal; it’s a biblical principle for life. Disillusioned by the local church, many believers have turned inward, choosing to worship God from home rather than in a traditional congregation. But there’s a downside to this isolationism. We were designed to live most effectively in community.
My mom always taught me to look for someone who needed a friend whenever I went to church. If I sought to be a friend first to others, I would never be lonely myself. Whenever I feel anxiety before walking into a room of strangers, I remember my mother’s advice. When you take the first step to be friendly to others, you’ll find the caring community you crave—and you’ll never attend a women’s retreat and feel left out!
BEAUTY TIP:
To achieve a natural glow on your face, rub your palms together for a minute, then press them gently across your face after applying foundation. The warmth of your hands helps soften the foundation, making it look like your natural skin instead of an obvious layer of makeup.
Thought for Rejuvenation
What communities do you belong in (church, Sunday school class, small groups, clubs, professional associations, hobby groups)?
Do you feel a regular and meaningful connection with a group of women?
Act of eXpression
Make a commitment to be active in a community:
• Join a small group at church
• Start a women’s Bible study in your home
• Join or begin a Seasoned Sisters group (www.seasonedsisters.com)
• Start your Facebook page (www.facebook.com)
• Attend a professional networking group
What will you do in the next 31 days to be active in a community?