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Have you ever driven to a store or restaurant only to find a sign on the door, “Closed for Renovations”? Whether it was closed for a minor fix or a major remodel, it was probably an inconvenience to you as a customer. But hopefully you were “wowed” when you saw the finished product a few weeks later.
Do you ever wish you could have a “Closed for Renovations” sign over your life? Wouldn’t it be nice to take time out to renovate yourself without any interruptions? If only you could stop the phone from ringing and hit the pause button on your many obligations. Sure it would be inconvenient, but wouldn’t it be worthwhile?
Let’s just imagine you have a few days without any responsibilities except focusing on the areas in your personal life that need some TLC. What would your renovations list look like?
• Lose 15 pounds
• Get a haircut
• Go through the closet and give away the clothes I haven’t worn since 1995
• Plan regular date nights with my husband
• Get my cholesterol under control
• Start walking a few days a week
Believe it or not, the world will not stop spinning on its axis if you take a short sabbatical. Whether it’s a quiet weekend or a six-month period when you don’t volunteer for anything, give yourself permission to take care of you. If you’re so busy meeting the needs of everyone else and you neglect yourself, who pays when you have a heart attack at age 50 that could have been avoided? You pay and so do the people you’ve been trying to protect.
Speaker and author Karen Ehman has great advice for setting boundaries:
What women do when we’re presented with an opportunity outside the home is we ask, Am I capable? And we think, Sure, I could do that, when really we should ask, Am I called? When we use capability as our plumb line, we take on way too much. Women have the curse of capability. When someone asks us to put another thing on our plate, we just add it instead of removing something else from our plate to make room.7
Does that sound familiar, Miss-multitasker-on-the-verge-of-a-meltdown? If you need a time-out, call a family meeting to talk about your needs. Maybe you could use a day alone to organize your desk so you can see straight. Perhaps you need to talk to your kids about axing an afterschool activity because it’s putting too much pressure on the family’s schedule. Maybe you need some accountability so you don’t just talk about making healthy changes in your life, you actually start making them. Don’t just wait for “free time” in your life to make renovations. That free time will never appear unless you create it.
Karen Ehman had to learn some boundary issues the hard way. She was in desperate need of a physical renovation. Although she has written books such as The Complete Guide to Getting and Staying Organized, Karen was having trouble managing her weight. As a busy homeschooling mother of three, she didn’t take time for exercise and proper nutrition. Instead, like so many women, she relieved her stress through eating. When she tipped the scales at 250 pounds, she knew something had to give.
Two factors led to Karen’s major life renovation. First, her health was failing. She had bursitis in her right heel and a torn meniscus in her knee that caused so much pain she had trouble walking across a room. She had high cholesterol, and she struggled with incontinence because of the constant weight on her bladder. She joked that “I squeeze when I sneeze, and I cross when I cough,” but underneath the laughter, she wasn’t happy. Her husband never nagged her about the weight. But during times alone, he admitted he was afraid of what would happen if she were to die, prematurely leaving him with the three kids.
The second thing that happened was Karen caught a glimpse of herself performing a skit on a DVD for a ministry to moms called Hearts at Home. Karen writes, “I could not believe that what I saw on the screen was what people saw every time they looked at me. It was enough to shock me into reality and away from the fridge.”
Karen decided to put food in its proper perspective. Food was for nourishment, not for comforting, tranquilizing, or escaping. With a friend, she began at her church a weekly eating and accountability group called Weigh and Pray. In just ten months, she lost over 100 pounds and went from a size 24 to a size 10.8 Was that a worthwhile, life-changing renovation? You bet. Was it easy? No way.
There are times when you have to totally focus on one area in your personal growth. It could be losing weight, exercising, kicking a smoking habit, praying more intimately, or earning a college degree. Don’t simply accept the circumstances in your life that you don’t like. Accept the responsibility to do something about them—because you’re the only one who can.
Let’s say, like Karen Ehman, you’ve lost a lot of weight. Now you have a new problem—you don’t have anything to wear. This problem is much easier to solve. Maybe it’s time for a little shopping spree to update and renovate your wardrobe. I don’t have to tell you how many television shows and magazines are dedicated to instructing you on what to wear and what not to wear. So let me just say a few things about renovating your closet.
Your closet changes as you age. In your twenties, you probably didn’t have a hefty mortgage and a stack of bills, so you bought trendy clothes instead. You enjoyed following the latest styles and experimenting with different combinations. In your thirties, it became more difficult to have an up-to-date wardrobe at budget prices. In your forties and beyond, you aren’t thinking about the hottest fashions anymore. You’re thinking strategic dressing—drawing the eye away from your flaws. And why shouldn’t you? When you dress to highlight your physical strengths (and hide the other stuff), you appear healthier, younger, and more beautiful.
If you’re over forty and you still have the miniskirts you were wearing in your twenties buried somewhere in your closet, it’s time to give those away. When weeding out your closet, Karen Ehman suggests sorting into three piles or boxes:
1. Giveaway—These are the clothes that don’t fit anymore, don’t flatter your figure, or don’t have anything to match. If you haven’t worn an item in two years, it’s time to pitch it. You may have emotional ties to the sweater your favorite aunt gave you, but if you don’t wear it, toss it (you can take a picture of it first if you’re very sentimental).
2. Throwaway—These clothes are in such bad shape that even Goodwill won’t touch them. This is the pile where you put your underwear with the shot elastic.
3. Put Away—These are items that don’t belong in your closet. Maybe you have photo albums, trinkets, or projects that need to be moved. Or clothes that belong to a friend that you keep forgetting to return.9
Be ruthless in your sorting. When you try on a borderline outfit, ask yourself, Would I want to run into someone important at the grocery store wearing this? or Would it be okay if the paparazzi took my picture in this and plastered it on the cover of a tabloid magazine? Once you’ve made some room in your closet, you can purchase a few new pieces that will complement your figure, style, and current wardrobe. It’s never too late to renovate your look, so have fun with it.
Don’t wear oversized, baggy clothes.
Don’t wear low-rise jeans.
Don’t wear overalls.
Don’t wear your skirts too short.
Don’t wear white pantyhose.
Don’t wear old-lady prints.
Don’t wear overdone details such as gold buttons and gold trim.
Thought for Rejuvenation
Which renovation do you need the most right now?
Health renovation—I need to improve my eating and exercise habits.
Priorities renovation—I need to pare down my current responsibilities and learn how to say no.
Wardrobe renovation—I need a new look.
Other: