Chapter Ten
I quelled my impulse to jump out of the speeding car while shouting ‘What kind of female do you think I am?’
I did this for two reasons. Firstly, I had no knowledge of how to leap out of a vehicle and land avoiding potentially mortal damage, and secondly, I had become accustomed to Fitzroy’s occasional, and somewhat evil, sense of humour. I decided to assume he did not mean exactly what he said.
I furrowed my brow and said calmly, ‘I seem to recall you once telling me you had an affair with a European princess to gain intelligence.’
Fitzroy nodded. ‘The things I’ve had to do for our country.’
Were it not for the fact that I knew it was impossible, I would have thought my heart had dropped down into my boots.
‘Oh,’ I said, still hoping he was playing some kind of game.
‘Actually, she was very nice. Pretty too. I’d write, but I don’t think her family would like it. Germans, you see.’
I sighed. ‘You are not suggesting I sacrifice my virginity to a stranger, are you? A moment ago, you were punching your previous trainee in the face because he had bruised me. This seems to me to be much more serious.’
‘He overstepped the mark,’ said Fitzroy. ‘Besides, Cole has always needed a firm hand to keep him in line. Unfortunately, there was no one else at the farm today...’
‘I take it the farmhouse is a sort of club house for British spies?’
Fitzroy laughed. ‘It’s lacking a few of the finer amenities of the London Clubs, but essentially, yes.’
He lapsed into silence without answering my question. I decided he was definitely teasing me. A while later he said, ‘We’re going to have to do something about your clothes.’
‘I don’t have any. You said we would only be away for a day.’
‘This is hardly my fault,’ objected the spy.
‘Of course not,’ I said trying to placate him. ‘I could try and find...’
‘No time for faffing about.’ ‘What do you suggest?’
‘We’ll have to steal some. Always a bit hit and miss stealing women’s clothing. You come in such a vast arrangement of sizes and wear such different styles. I think we will only have time to get a couple. You’ll have to make the best of it.’
‘So now I am to be a thief as well as a seductress?’
Fitzroy flashed me a grin. ‘Aren’t you having an exciting day?’ When I did not smile back, he said, ‘You can stay in the car with the engine running. I think it’s better I do the actual lifting. You would probably get caught.’
‘Why do you say that?’ I said stung.
‘Oh, you’d doubtless be overcome by some moral qualm at a key moment and freeze.’
‘Whereas you have no qualms at all.’
‘I do have my own code,’ said the spy, ‘but I doubt you would consider it moral. You, on the other hand, are terribly hindered by morals. Don’t worry, Alice, I’ll train you out of them.’
I gave up and fell into silence. I was not going to get any sense out of the dratted man. But if he thought he could get me to sacrifice my virtue then he had a vase over the head coming. I glanced askance and caught him grinning at me. I averted my face and he gave a bark of laughter but entered into no further conversation.
I realised we were headed London-wards. I doubted we could make the metropolis tonight, but I was surprised when Fitzroy pulled into the backyard of a respectable, but not exclusive, inn. He gestured to me to stay put and jumped out. Moments later, he returned carrying a pink striped case that he threw in the back before hopping with some alacrity back into the driver’s seat. ‘Your first set, Alice.’
I could not help looking behind us to see if anyone had noticed this theft, but the road stayed quiet. ‘Took it from what I think was the arrivals area, so hopefully it’s full of clean clothes. I doubt you know how to wash any.’
‘I can wash clothing,’ I said coldly.
‘Good to know. I’ll remember that if we stay holed up at the Mews again.’
I bit my lip and determined to not to say another word before we reached our destination. The more I said the worse this got. Fitzroy stopped once more and acquired a blue case. Again, the owner appeared to be paying no attention to their luggage. We drove on for a while. Then he pulled into a siding. ‘I’m going to rearrange things in the back, so it looks like it was packed deliberately. ‘If you look in the pouch fitted to the door you should find something we need.’
I put my hand in the opening and discovered a series of things: a half-eaten apple, a pocket knife, a small mirror, a box of matches, and a plain gold ring. I heard the luggage being shifted behind me then he climbed back into the driver’s seat. We were now well into twilight, but he could see well enough. ‘Ah, you found it. I was a bit worried it might have fallen out the bottom. I should have kept it in the box.’
‘The apple,’ I said stupidly.
‘The ring. Put it on.’
Confused, I slipped the ring onto my finger. It fitted well. ‘Left hand,’ said Fitzroy. ‘Third finger.’ ‘You cannot be serious,’ I said.
‘Indeed, I am, Mrs Fitzroy. There is no way we can arrive to stay at a respectable establishment without being wed.’
I swallowed and changed the ring to my wedding finger. He was right. Unless we claimed to be brother and sister, and there was not an ounce of family resemblance, we would be turned away at the door.
‘Oh, I’m not using Fitzroy. Our surname is Brown. Nice and forgettable.’ He patted my arm. ‘Poor Alice. Do exactly as I tell you and everything will be fine. With luck we shall even enjoy a good dinner without have to cook it ourselves!’
‘I am confused.’
‘I know. You have to trust me. That’s all I ask. If you give me the notebook you found later, I’ll have a look through it. If it is Richard’s, I can’t imagine that he would write anything in it uncoded. But as he wasn’t the brightest spark that shouldn’t be an issue.’ He gave a modest little smile. ‘I’m rather good with codes. Aren’t you lucky?’
‘Unbelievably lucky,’ I said grimly. This made him laugh again.
‘Almost there now,’ he said. ‘You’ll like it.’
It would have been hard not to like the hotel. A discreet distance from London, it nevertheless excelled in luxury. ‘The conference has taken over the whole place,’ said Fitzroy as we got out of the car. He offered me his arm. ‘Now, Mrs Brown, pretend that this is a great treat. I’ve only brought you along because I accidentally ran over your cat. There are a number of other attendees with spouses, so you won’t be out of place.’
‘What was it called?’
Fitzroy stopped. ‘What was what called?’ ‘The cat,’ I said.
‘Lazarus,’ said the spy and began walking again. ‘Very funny. What is this conference about?’ ‘Nothing a wife needs to worry her pretty little head about. Smile and be charming. No opinions and certainly don’t say anything in the least bit clever. You’re too young for us to have had children – so you’re my second wife and step-mother to Nicolas, who is an absolute darling, if something of a scamp. He’s six and you hate it when I thrash him.’
‘Would you thrash a child?’ I asked. ‘No, of course not. But Mr Brown would. Got it? You can embroider if you want but ensure it’s nothing anyone would ask me about. You know, how charmingly you’ve set up the nursery and your wonderful cook. All the sorts of things ladies gabble about.’ ‘I don’t gabble.’
‘Well then you’re in for a steep learning curve.’ By this time, we had reached the desk. Fitzroy signed us both in and was given his room key. He asked for tea to be sent up for me and for three newspapers in the morning.
‘Very good, sir,’ said the clerk. ‘Tonight, supper is at eight. Will madam be attending?’
Fitzroy assented. I realised that neither of these men had made any effort to consult me. I did my best to look sweet and a little dim. We were on the ground floor and by the time we had reached the room our bags were already waiting for us. Fitzroy tipped the porter and declined the services of a maid to unpack. When the door closed behind him, he said, ‘Have you got toothache? You’re pulling the strangest face.’
I explained my attempt at my unnatural expression. ‘Don’t do it,’ said the spy. ‘Just smile and say as little as possible. Maybe gush occasionally about flowers or babies or some such nonsense. That will ensure most of the men stay as far away from you as possible. Now, if you excuse me, I’m going to have a quick brush up and go and see how the land lies. Have your tea then see what you can cobble together from these cases.’
Tea came on a silver tray with crustless cucumber sandwiches and tiny little cakes.12 I gulped down the tea and devoured the food. Doubtless Mrs Brown would have only nibbled a little, but no one was here to see, and I was ravenous. I hoped supper would prove to be substantial. I pushed to the back of my mind Fitzroy’s comment about my seducing someone. Over the last couple of days, he had developed the uncomfortable habit of alternately telling me the truth and teasing me. I often found myself feeling all at sea. But he had yet to ask me to do anything truly awful, so I decided that he either wanted me to charm information from someone – presumably another wife, who I could bond with over nursery wallpaper – or he wanted me to get a gentleman away from the group, but no doubt a story of a lost ear-ring or pendant would suffice to lure him away.
By the time Fitzroy returned I was wearing a striped green skirt with a smart ruffled blouse. I had found that the upper half of the lady with the blue case resembled mine, while the pink case lady’s contents fitted elsewhere. I was checking my hair in the mirror when he opened the door.
‘Very nice. Now take it off.’
I whirled round to see an expression of mild annoyance on his face. ‘Supper, Alice. Supper.’
‘Of course,’ I said, blushing deeply. ‘I –’ I stopped, for there was no reason to go into how the various ladies did and did not resemble my figure. ‘I will look again.’
Fitzroy put a small parcel he was carrying down on the bed and began to rummage through the pink case. He held up a rather resplendent, and daring, black and gold evening dress. ‘What about this?’
‘It won’t fit,’ I said.
‘We don’t have time to be picky, Alice. Try it.’
I could feel the blood pounding in my cheeks. ‘Honestly, it won’t. Whoever owned this case had a less – err – full upper figure.’
Fitzroy gave what for all the world sounded like a snigger. ‘And the other one?’ ‘Fine on the top.’ ‘But not on the bottom?’
At these words I would have rushed from the room, if he had not been standing between the door and me. As it was, I fled into the en suite. Behind me I heard the spy breaking into laughter. I closed the door firmly and washed my face with cold water. About five or ten minutes later13 there was a knock at the door. ‘I’ve got something for you,’ said the spy. I opened the door and before I could say anything, he thrust some garments into my hands. ‘You’ll need to wear the evening shawl with this, but it should be just enough to cover your modesty. There’s a choker to cover up those bruises.’ He closed the door with himself on the outside. ‘Make it quick,’ he said. ‘I have something to show you.’
The dress he had thrown at me was a deep cobalt blue with a low back. The front decollete was enough to have made my mother swoon, but it did allow me room for my personage. Not quite enough room, but I could arrange the light shawl over it. I searched in the bathroom cabinet and saw that we had been left, among other things, complementary pins. I carefully secured the shawl to an effect that I felt was both elegant and would not get me carted away for lewd behaviour. Admittedly, it was a close call, but this was a private event.
I took a deep breath and opened the door. Fitzroy was adjusting his bow-tie in the mirror. I had never seen him in dinner dress before. He must have gone elsewhere to shave, or the hotel had a resident barber. Not only was he now clean-shaven, but his hair was for once firmly and neatly in place. His suit, obviously cut by an excellent tailor, fitted him perfectly. If I hadn’t already given my heart to Bertram, I might have been mildly impressed at the figure he cut. I contented myself with saying, ‘Very smart.’
Fitzroy, on the other hand, showed no such restraint. He turned and considered me from my toes to my hair. Then he gave a low whistle. ‘I say, Alice. You do look rather the thing tonight. I’m almost envious of our quarry. That dress is perfect for the operation.’
‘It is about time you told me what I am to do.’
‘There is a man here. His name isn’t important. He is unmissable and he has a reputation for a roving eye.’ He coughed. ‘Rather more than a roving eye in fact. I have no doubt he will head your way. He is slightly taller than me, with slightly longer than is fashionable blond hair and an overly tanned complexion with a slightly sallow tinge. His features are fair enough. Some women might find him handsome – square jaw, Roman nose, but rather thin lips.’
‘Why won’t you tell me his name?’
‘One reason is when he runs into you, you will able to be genuinely say you have no idea who he is. That will sting his pride. That and your wedding ring will make you irresistible to him. Being young and an absolute knock-out, he will go all out for you.’ ‘All out for me?’
‘To get you into bed. The dinner is big enough that he’ll say you won’t be missed. I imagine he’ll set up some kind of diversion for me.’
‘What do you want me to do?’
‘Reluctantly agree to go with him to his room. As it turns out, I’m rather a brute to you.’
‘I c-c-can’t,’ I stammered. ‘I know you and the princess, but I...’
Fitzroy raised an eyebrow. ‘Are you suggesting that I am immoral?’ He shook his head. ‘I would not ask you to sacrifice your virtue. I seem to recall saying something about looking out for you during training.’ He picked up the parcel from the bed, which he had opened. He handed me a small evening bag. ‘Don’t open it, yet. Inside is a lady’s handkerchief soaked in chloroform. All you need to do it get that to his face and he’ll be out like a light. Then you open the door and I’ll be waiting outside.’
‘I see two problems. Firstly, you said he would arrange for a diversion for you.’
‘I’m sure I will cope,’ said the spy smugly.
‘Secondly, you said he’s taller than me. How will I reach?’
‘Come on, Alice. This is serious,’ He began to pace back and forth. ‘This is basic stuff. There are a variety of ways. The easiest is to get him to sit down. Offer to massage his shoulders or some such feminine wile. Or jump up on his back from behind. Or tell him you’ll only give him that first kiss if he closes his eyes and when he lowers his head shove the thing in his face. You need to think on your feet. If all else fails give me a shout I’ll be outside, but I would far rather we did this discreetly.’
‘Oh,’ I said.
Fitzroy stopped pacing and regarded me. ‘You’ve gone white as a sheet.’
‘Sorry,’ I said sitting down in a chair. ‘I’ll be alright in a minute.’
Fitzroy stalked off to the side of the room and opened a cupboard that turned out to be a hidden bar. He poured two glasses of whisky. He handed me one and downed the other in one. ‘Turns out the situation is a bit more serious than when I left. I don’t especially like throwing you in the deep end, but the job often goes like this. You have to think on your feet. Besides, you’ve got me nearby.’
I swallowed a sip of the liquid and took a deep breath. ‘I will be alright. A few years ago, a man tried to rape me. I never knew who it was, but I suspected it was Richard.’
‘Tried?’
‘Old-fashioned chamber pots are as effective as your chloroform.’
‘I didn’t know,’ said Fitzroy.
I shrugged. ‘There is no reason why you should have done. I never told anyone. Not even Bertram.’
‘If I’d been there...’
‘You were,’ I said. ‘It was that house party...’
Fitzroy poured himself another whisky. ‘I’ll think of something else,’ he said.
I stood up and checked my shawl was in as much order as possible. ‘No, this is a fear I need to overcome.’ I hesitated with my hand on the doorknob. ‘Just make sure you are nearby. I’m trusting you.’ And before he could protest, I slipped out of the room and headed towards the cocktail lounge to find my quarry.