Chapter Fifteen
‘Bertram was concerned for my wellbeing with that tramp – the one who killed Richard – still being on the loose. He was determined to accompany me,’ I said.
Fitzroy scowled more deeply.
‘There’s no need to look like that, man,’ said Bertram. ‘I would have thought in your profession you were more than aware of the dangers inherent in our modern world. Can’t leave young women unprotected, can we?’
Fitzroy made a soft sound somewhere between a growl and a snarl. ‘Besides,’ continued Bertram, apparently oblivious to the spy’s worsening mood, ‘I’d think after all you’ve been doing to clear my fiancée’s name, you would have a vested interest in keeping her safe.’
The two men exchanged looks that I could not follow.18
‘I didn’t tell him anything, Fitzroy. He guessed when I stood on his foot and kicked him in the shin.’
This caught the spy’s attention. ‘That sounds like a most unlikely form of communication.’
Bertram gave me another soppy smile. ‘Quite romantic actually. She’s always done that when she thinks I am about to put my foot in it. Even said she’d buy me a pair of steel toe-capped boots as a wedding present as she had no doubt it was a skill she’d need to continue to use on me throughout our marriage.’ He paused a moment. ‘I say, Euphemia...’
‘Yes, I did buy them for you,’ I said with a sigh. ‘They are wrapped up under my bed back at the house.’
‘Oh,’ said Bertram, utilising both a soppy smile and brimming tears of affection.
‘Good grief,’ said Fitzroy. ‘I have no time for these romantic shenanigans.’
‘I’m relieved to hear it,’ said Bertram.
Fitzroy ignored him and spoke over his head to me. ‘I presume Richenda would not think it untoward of you to turn up at Stapleford Hall to check on her wellbeing?’
‘She might think Hans had sent me?’
‘Might not be a bad idea if it would get her out of the way,’ said Fitzroy. ‘I’d rather the place was empty. You could talk her into going home.’
‘I suppose I might be able to,’ I said. Bertram kept opening and shutting his mouth rather like a trout trying for flies. I presumed he wanted to say something, but I felt Fitzroy’s attention was better kept from him and I gave no pause to let him enter the conversation. The spy simply ignored him as if he were of no more importance than a chair.19 ‘I do honestly believe she would be better off with Hans. I’ve learnt more about him than I have liked of late, but on the whole I think he must remain in the category of better than most husbands. Wouldn’t you think?’
‘Don’t ask me,’ said Fitzroy. ‘I never set the bar high where my own gender is concerned. But yes, considering other matters we previously discussed, we had better head to the Hall. We can even take Bertram with us if you want. It adds more realism to the exploit.’
‘Did you get your –’
Fitzroy held up a hand to cut me off. ‘Not here and now.’
I nodded my understanding. ‘We will head back to thee estate and gather our things.’
‘Give me a moment. I’ll settle my bill and drive you up.’ He looked closely at Bertram and narrowed his eyes. ‘I am loath to leave you alone with anyone who may take advantage of your better nature.’
‘Well if that’s not the pot calling the kettle black!’ cried Bertram, finally breaking into the dialogue.
‘I know you,’ said the spy. ‘You will try to worm secrets out of her based on Euphemia’s affection for you. Well, I won’t have it. I shall keep you both under my eye.’ He gave a sudden flash of a smile. ‘In fact, that’s why I’m with you. I was the only person on hand available to chaperon you and Bertram. Especially since, as far as Richenda is concerned, I am becoming quite a friend of the family.’
‘Bah!’ said Bertram in disgust.
I was torn between indignation at Fitzroy’s opinion of my ability to keep secrets and humour at Bertram’s outrage.20
The spy stalked out with a curt command for us to wait. As soon as he was gone Bertram said, ‘Come on, Euphemia, let’s leg it. I’m fed up with that bloody man getting one up on me. It’s my turn.’
‘He has a car, Bertram. He would catch us. And I can’t promise he wouldn’t use some kind of rope to pull us in.’
‘Dear God. Has he used you so roughly?’
I smiled. ‘No, he has treated me well and behaved like a perfect gentleman towards me. He only misbehaves when there are others around. He does have his reputation as a bit of a cad to consider.’ I laughed. ‘He’s really rather sweet when he is merely being himself.’
‘Oh, he is, is he?’ said Bertram, his voice roaring like gathering thunder.
Fitzroy walked back into the lobby carrying his driving gloves and wearing his long coat. He had his goggles perched high on his head and looked every bit the modern driver. The image suited him, and I was fairly convinced he knew that.
‘She says you are sweet,’ said Bertram.
Fitzroy stopped as if poleaxed. ‘How unutterably nauseating!’ he said. ‘How dare you, Alice! That’s a foul calumny. I could sue.’
‘I did find it a bit over the top,’ said Bertram. ‘I managed to swallow it gentlemanly, but...’
Fitzroy lowered his eyebrows and scowled ferociously at me. This did not have the intended reaction as I giggled. ‘Car’s been brought round to the front,’ snapped Fitzroy and walked out.
‘Now you have offended him,’ I said.
‘Yours words, not mine, rattled him.’
Outside Fitzroy sat in the driver’s seat fiddling with something technical to do with the car. ‘I say,’ said Bertram. ‘This is a bit of all right.’ He made to give me a hand into the back.
‘She sits up front,’ said Fitzroy curtly.
Bertram’s good humour faded, and his expression became somewhat doleful as he helped me into the passenger seat. ‘This is a bit rough,’ he muttered. ‘I doubt Euphemia even knows what kind of a motor this is.’ He scrambled into the back and Fitzroy drove off without another word.
Over the noise of the engine the spy said quietly to me, ‘Did you call me sweet?’
‘I didn’t mean it. I was reassuring him that he neither need worry about your intentions nor your actions towards me. Most husbands-to-be would take great exception to their wife continually running off with another man.’
‘I do get that,’ said Fitzroy to my surprise. ‘He’s a good man and he trusts you. However, need I caution you not to tell him what we have been doing?’
‘Of course not! I have not said a word. He’s guessed it’s to do with Richard’s killer but nothing else. I even said you had me doing so many things I had no idea how it all tied together. Which, incidentally, is true. I wouldn’t have said a word about our working together if I hadn’t been put the position of outright lying to him. He knows me far too well and would have seen through my ruse. I decided that would be worse.’
‘I thought something of the sort must have happened. I didn’t think you were the kind to break your word or I’d have never accepted your oath. But you must see that I have to at least pretend to be vexed about all this? It will make Bertram feel he has the upper hand.’
‘I didn’t know you cared about his feelings.’
‘Whether I might or might not is beside the issue. I don’t want Bertram trying to get up his own investigation or led you into some hare-brained scheme. We are almost at the end of the road and I don’t want us to be derailed now.’
‘Shouldn’t it be end of the track in that case?’ I said.
‘Don’t be obtuse, Alice. Or I’ll let it slip about you kissing dark strangers.’
‘You wouldn’t!’ I said aghast.
‘My dear Alice, you better than most should know I will do whatever it takes to complete the mission.’
‘But what is this mission. I didn’t ...’
‘You don’t need to know,’ said Fitzroy.
‘He calls you Fizz-bang,’ I said.
‘What?’ said Fitzroy almost losing control of the vehicle and incurring a cry of surprise from the back seat.
‘My fiancé’s nickname for you is Fizz-bang.’
‘I’ve a mind to take the next bend so fast the bugger falls out,’ growled the spy. ‘The disrespect!’ With this he lapsed into sulking silence until we reached the Muller estate.
We had barely sighted the house before we saw Hans running down the steps to greet us. Fitzroy turned off the engine. ‘Do you have him with you?’ said Hans urgently.
‘I’m in the back,’ spoke up Bertram.
‘Not you,’ snapped Hans. ‘Stone.’
‘Your butler?’ said Fitzroy. ‘I am not in the habit of purloining the servants of others.’
Hans spat out several words in a language I didn’t know. Beside me the spy tensed. ‘I do not know what has occurred,’ he said. ‘But I strongly doubt it warrants such language.’
‘I did not realise you spoke German,’ said Hans. ‘I apologise profoundly. I am distressed as my butler is missing.’
‘Stone?’ said Bertram. ‘But he is like the bricks and mortar of this place. Never even heard of the man taking a holiday.’
‘He has been overtaken by man’s eternal temptation. He has gone to Stapleford Hall. He left me a resignation letter.’
Bertram’s jaw dropped and his eyes opened wide. ‘He has gone off with my sister?’
‘I fear so,’ said Hans, casting his eyes down and shaking his head. ‘I cannot believe he would desert me thus.’
I looked askance at Fitzroy. He appeared outwardly calm with no expression on his face, but I could see his shoulders shaking very slightly as he suppressed his mirth. I immediately wanted to kick him in the shin or step on his foot like I might with Bertram. However, I had the sense to know that while Bertram would never respond in kind, the spy had been trained to counter any attack without thinking.21
Then the truth dawned on me. ‘He means that Stone has gone to be with Glanville,’ I said, letting out a sigh of relief.
‘Of course,’ said Hans. ‘What else could I have meant?’
‘Indeed,’ said Fitzroy, still utilising a bland expression. ‘The loss of a butler on the running of a household is a most serious matter.’ I sensed he was going to continue to say something even more unfortunate and cut him off.
‘Then this will only be of a temporary nature,’ I said. ‘Richenda knows in her heart of hearts that you have been an excellent husband to her and father to your children. Her current waywardness is rooted only in her own low self-esteem.’
‘What do you mean?’ asked Hans, frowning.
‘When I marry Bertram...’
‘Matters are to continue?’ asked Hans.
‘Of course,’ snapped Bertram and I in unison. Fitzroy’s shoulders shook even more. Despite everything, he was enjoying this situation immensely.
‘As I was saying, when I marry Bertram, Richenda will need to step up and run this house herself. She has never been trained toward that, as I was. At Stapleford Hall she retains an excellent housekeeper, who requires the minimum of overseeing. Here at your estate she will have much to do. She does not wish to make herself look foolish, especially in front of you. She knows she cannot match your first wife in your affection and that she is very much lesser in beauty than your mistresses.’
‘I say, Euphemia!’ said Bertram.
‘The unvarnished truth can expedite matters,’ said Fitzroy. ‘But I agree, it would have been more ladylike to allude to some of this.’ My toes twitched to kick him, but I concentrated my attention on Hans to see how he would react to my words.
He had looked up, and his previously dull eyes were now alight with hope. ‘Do you really think so, Euphemia?’
‘How the devil would she know?’ said Bertram. ‘You never introduced her to one of ’em, did you?’
Fitzroy then sustained a mild coughing fit.
‘He means about Richenda being scared,’ I said.
‘Never scared of anything in all her life!’ said Bertram.
‘This is the first time she has faced real loss – not just of her twin, but she fears to lose Hans’ regard.’
Hans put out a hand and clutched my arm. ‘Would you speak with her Euphemia? She would shut the door in my face, but she would listen to you. I will employ a skilled housekeeper if it would make her happy. I will procure any and all servants she requires.’
‘You’d be much better sending her to my mother,’ I said.
‘She’s still here,’ said Hans.
‘Well, there is no one who knows more about running a house than my mother. She was trained from childhood to run a great house – and no doubt would have done if she had not married my father.’
‘Euphemia, you are brilliant,’ said Hans kissing me on both cheeks, oblivious to the fact both the other gentleman behind me came within an inch of punching him for doing so. He stepped back. ‘Will you go to Stapleford Hall and bring her home?’ He glanced past me. ‘And you, Bertram? Surely she would listen to her brother?’
‘I don’t see why,’ began Bertram, but Fitzroy shifted his weight to one side and stepped on Bertram’s foot. ‘Ouch!’ said my poor beleaguered fiancée.
‘Hans, you forget,’ I said. ‘We are yet to be married. My mother would never approve of such a trip without a chaperon.’
‘Could she go too?’
I pretended to think about it, sighing and frowning. ‘I do not think she would want to interfere. Besides, we could hardly take Joe with us. He would be very distracting, and frankly, I would fear for your glass houses should we leave him here without my mother’s supervision.’
Hans, who was very fond of peaches, paled. ‘I could go?’
I shook my head again. ‘Should Richenda decide she has made a great mistake and rush back here – and then find you away? I doubt she would even spare the breath to ask why.’
Fitzroy coughed slightly. ‘If you will allow me,’ he said. ‘I could function as a chaperon. You are aware of my bona fides and could have no concerns.’
Hans, who had no clue what Fitzroy did, other than he was vaguely connected to the police, said, ‘That would be very kind of you. Inspector?’
‘Fitzroy.’
‘But I could not possible ask you to intervene in a private family matter,’ finished Hans.
‘Oh, let him do it,’ said Bertram in an exasperated tone. ‘I do not think I can bear any more of this infernal chatter.’ With this he attempted to storm up the stairs and into the house. Except, he now had a slight limp.
‘It appears the matter is settled,’ said Fitzroy lightly. He offered me his arm, waiting only for Hans to take the lead back into the house.
‘That was unkind,’ I said softly to him. ‘You have made him limp. I have never done that.’
‘You have smaller feet,’ responded the spy. ‘Besides, I concur with Bertram, it was getting tedious.’
We entered the hall. Hans disappeared off to apprise my mother of my return. ‘I shall break it to her with great charm,’ he said without modesty. ‘We need to have her support with this plan.’
When he had gone, I faced my mentor. ‘You spent most of the conversation trying not to laugh. I saw your shoulders shake.’
Fitzroy gave me a wry smile, ‘In small doses I find ordinary people entertaining. Your family especially so. That Bertram would be aghast at the idea of his sister running off with a butler – or even mistaken enough to imagine so – is for me light relief against many of the things we must face. Besides, all that we do is to ensure that ordinary people can have their very ordinary and ridiculous squabbles. Without us, the fiction of their world would be exposed and they would see the real horrors of this world.’
‘How philosophical you are today,’ I said, but he had shaken me. I knew far more about the world than when I had first entered service, and much of it would have been unthinkable, in the worst way, to my younger self. Now I had given my service to the Crown I could only imagine that the things I would see and do would increase in unpleasantness.
Fitzroy stood watching me. ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘You will see things you will never be able to tell your friends and family about, because they simply would not be able to conceive of the – shall we say – impropriety?’
‘You mean as opposed to evil?’
Fitzroy shrugged. ‘There is only one way not to be afraid of the dark and that is to be the scariest thing in it.’
I could take no more of this conversation. I went upstairs to gather my things. Then I knocked on Bertram’s door. I found him sitting on the edge of his bed with one shoe off, massaging his foot. ‘That man is a rotter,’ he said vehemently.
At that moment I agreed wholeheartedly with him.