People aren’t the only living, breathing things walking in and out of your life; critters count, too. There’s also quite a bit of wisdom involved in mastering them—especially pets and bugs, as you’re about to discover.
How not to have an annoying mooch of a dog
Your dog may look up at you with big, round, plaintive eyes as you sit down to dinner. He may put his warm, soft muzzle on your thigh. He may wag his tail pleadingly. How can you resist tossing him a scrap of food?
Don’t do it. Once you feed your dog, you’ve actually trained him that begging will get him food. Every time you sit down to eat for the rest of your life, he’ll come and beg and bug you.
On the other hand, if you never reward his begging, he’ll stop doing it. You and he will both be a lot happier.
How to avoid losing your pet forever
If your dog or cat is pretty much an indoor pet, there’s no more terrifying moment than the one where you discover that he has slipped outside and is nowhere in sight.
Out you go with flashlights, calling his name through sobs, wishing you had a chance to do things over.
Well, you do. Go to the vet this week and get an ID microchip implanted in your dog or cat.
It’s about the size of a grain of rice; for about $45, your vet will inject it under your pet’s skin. (It doesn’t hurt.) The microchip isn’t GPS and doesn’t require power; instead, it reveals only an ID number when someone passes a special reader wand over it. That number is stored by a central pet registry that maintains your latest contact information. (There may be a monthly charge for services such as continuous monitoring, but you don’t have to pay it; ID lookups are free.)
Here’s the thing: If someone finds your pet and turns it in to a vet, your town’s animal-control department, or the ASPCA, they’ll use that reader wand, and you’ll get your pet back. Period.
If someone finds a pet that doesn’t have a microchip (or a collar), on the other hand, you have very little chance of getting it back; for collarless cats, the odds are less than 2 percent.
Getting your cat back
If your housebound cat slips out the door, the good news is that cats aren’t big on travel. Even after several days, your cat is probably still within a few houses of yours.
Begin your search around the edge of your house or building; striking out for open spaces is unlikely cat behavior. Look in every hiding place: decks, bushes, crawl spaces, stairwells, under parked cars, and so on.
If you don’t have any luck right away, put up your flyers, call the neighbors, and put an ad on Craigslist, with photos. Cats hide out during the day, meaning that your best searching opportunity is at night. Use a very bright flashlight to sweep the nearby properties; look for reflections of your flashlight from the cat’s eyes. Carry some cat treats to lure the cat closer once you find her.
Of course, you’ll panic less if you’ve had your cat microchipped (here).
What if the worst should come to pass, and your dog runs away? Sure, do all the usual things—calling neighbors, putting up flyers, walking around calling her name.
But you might have more luck helping the dog find you.
Gather up some things that smell like you—or the dog. A piece of clothing you’ve been wearing all day. The dog’s blanket, bed, crate, or toys. Leave them at the spot you last saw your dog. Leave a bowl of water (your pup will be thirsty), but not food (which other animals will eat). And leave a note asking passersby not to disturb this setup.
Check back every day, or more than once. Incredibly, eventually, you’ll return to that spot and find your best friend waiting, thanks to the miracle of scent.
It should be pretty clear if a dog you’re just meeting is friendly: He comes right up to you, wagging, sniffing.
If you’re not sure how friendly he is, or if he’s just shy, here’s how a nonthreatening, inviting human behaves:
Take it slow and gentle. Crouch down (see how nonthreatening you are?). Look off to the side instead of making direct eye contact (hey, you’re not trying to dominate him!). Offer him the back of your hand to sniff, and give him time to sniff it; for a dog, that’s like reading your résumé.
If that ritual has gone well, give him a scratch under the chin, keeping tabs on his mood. Reaching over a dog’s head to pet him there can frighten a skittish dog.
The great pet-hair secret
If you have a dog or a cat, and it’s warm out, then you also probably have pet hair on your furniture.
Sure, they sell special pet-hair lint rollers. But you know what’s cheaper and easier? With a damp sponge, wipe repeatedly in the same direction, rolling the hair into a wad on the sponge. Pluck it off and toss it.
Packaging tape or wide masking tape works, too.
Both of these techniques slurp up the hair but leave the furniture in place.
Bees are very protective of their queen, and of their hives. If you mess with the hive, they’ll lash out and sting you.
But here’s the thing: When they’re away from their hives, they’re amazingly gentle. They have absolutely no interest in stinging you. The only reason a bee would have to sting you at that point is if you threaten it—by freaking out or swatting it, which is probably exactly what your gut tells you to do.
If a bee lands on you, just hold still until it flies away. Or, if you like, blow on it. The bee will assume you’re a breeze and mosey along to a less windy location.
Incidentally, here’s what attracts bees to you in the first place: perfume, brightly colored clothes, sugary soda in your hand.
(If you do get stung, scrape the stinger away with your fingernail; tweezers or pinching fingers will squeeze more venom into you. Clean the sting with soap and water; apply ice; avoid scratching. Of course, if you’re allergic, get medical help immediately.)