Young people may not like politicians, or trust them as far as they can ‘spit a rat’, as I used to say as a tyro politician, but they are starting to learn about respectful relationships with each other. And the earlier they do this, the better.
A range of organisations now work with children and young people in schools to ensure they receive age-appropriate, evidence-based respectful relationships education.21 When governments support these programs, it helps normalise the work and helps the wider community—teachers, parents and students—to recognise that schools have a significant role to play in this space.
Prime Minister Scott Morrison has described respectful relationships education programs as making his ‘skin curl’ (is that even a thing?) and says they’re one of the reasons he enrolled his children in a private school: he didn’t want ‘the values of others’ imposed on his children.22
But the values we are talking about are positive and equitable attitudes and behaviours that give children the skills and ability to challenge the violence-supportive and genderstereotyping norms they are likely to encounter in their daily lives at school, at home and in peer groups. The benefits for students include increasing their knowledge and skills so they can negotiate respectful relationships, improving their behavioural, social and academic success, and reducing the time spent resolving conflicts and managing disruptive behaviour outside of the classroom.
To make these programs work, every part of a school community needs to be involved. The whole-of-school approach engages schools not only as educational institutions, but as workplaces and community centres, and ensures the school’s culture, policies and practices are grounded in equality and respect.
The first time I witnessed the rollout of these programs, in a Queensland primary school, I struggled to hold back tears. I watched as the students volunteered ideas on how they would comfort an unhappy friend, or how they could make someone feel more confident. It was a class full of compassionate children treating each other equally—not the same, but treating each other with respect. I am sure I saw the government minister who was with me choke up a little as well. These simple acts of kindness—for example, when the students put words that they thought would be affirming for their friends into ‘buckets’ on the whiteboard—are precisely the kinds of values I want all our children to adopt.
When my daughter’s class went on school camp, they were required to perform a skit or song. Most of the girls chose music (Adele was the singer of choice at that time—they were nothing if not ambitious!), while some of the boys performed comedic acts. In one case, a group of boys did a rendition of an episode of Channel 9’s The Footy Show. However, as Cordelia’s teacher explained to me afterwards, the teachers had to ‘shut it down’ because the language and comments made by the boys were unacceptable. They were simply emulating the TV show, but this meant using phrases such as ‘he kicked like a girl’ and other sexist sledges. The concerned teachers politely stopped the show, much to the confusion of the children.
While teachers have weight, family members are still the greatest influence on and the main role models for young people. So when research shows that more than one in ten parents believe it isn’t ‘manly’ for a male to express his feelings, clearly we have work to do. The good news is that parents’ confidence is growing in discussing things such as sexual consent, violence and disrespect with their children.
Obviously, high-profile sportspeople and popular-culture figures have a strong influence. Sport especially plays a role in shaping gender attitudes, and can reinforce or break down the rigid gender stereotypes we hold.
I think the entry of women into the upper echelons of the AFL is one of the most significant markers in the gender equality debate in Australia. The AFLW has set an example of how sport can drive social change for gender equality, and the role it can play in challenging gender stereotypes. It offers girls and young women inspiring role models and creates inclusive, healthy and safe environments. I cheered with pride and joy throughout the opening game of the AFLW. Even the chemist advertisements made me emotional: in them, boys asked female footballers for their autographs!
Many years ago, as patron and number one ticketholder of the South Australian Women’s Football League, I marvelled at the rigour and optimism of the women’s teams. However, the difference between the men and women was stark: the women’s league had no money and little sponsorship, existed in a media vacuum, and put up with substandard sporting facilities and inconvenient training times. There was a general lack of respect—indeed, downright disrespect at times.
While we have seen improvements, barriers to women’s participation still exist, including negative stereotypes, sexist attitudes, pay gaps and fewer opportunities to participate. Prevention must always be about more than raising awareness. We need to ensure real and lasting changes in culture, structures and practices such as processes and rules, and in the broader sporting environment. Equality in sport must extend beyond the playing field to include not just players but staff, volunteers, fans and anyone else connected with the clubs.
Sporting clubs are workplaces and need to be safe and respectful and promote gender equality—which is why it’s been encouraging, if not overdue, to see major bodies such as the AFL, the NRL, Rugby Australia and Netball Australia adopt primary prevention practices and make progress in addressing what drives violence against women.
Mind you, it only takes a couple of high-profile examples of poor or unlawful behaviour to send the wrong message, be it a drunk rugby player being lewd, a former AFL player jailed for domestic violence, or Formula One driver Lewis Hamilton shaming his nephew for wearing a dress, in a video titled ‘Boys Don’t Wear Dresses’.
Sometimes people want to learn, and it is in our interests to ensure they can and do. We can name and shame poor behaviour when we see it. One way of changing certain behaviours is to make them socially unacceptable (smoking, for example). Attitude and behaviour are intricately linked, but it’s not a linear process. Attitudes are core, and we can change the attitudes of some by changing the behaviour of many. Think of seatbelts and driver safety: initially people complied but might not have agreed with having to wear a seatbelt, but over time most people realised it was safer to wear a seatbelt when driving a vehicle.
A few weeks after the ‘Boys Don’t Wear Dresses’ video, Hamilton was pictured holding his nephew’s hand at Disneyland, with the young boy wearing his favourite pink Princess Rapunzel dress. Shifting mainstream consciousness is one key to change, and in this case the story of Rapunzel seems an apt parable, given that the folk tale reportedly may have its origins in a story about a father who imprisoned and attempted to kill his daughter.