Contents

1. Cover
2. Title Page
3. Dedication
4. Hello, Slattern
5. 1. Getting Dressed: How to Properly Hide Your Shame
6. 2. Bowels into Buckets: Nature Is an Obscene Caller
7. 3. The Treacherous Art of Bathing
8. 4. Menstruation: You’re Doing It Wrong
9. 5. Diet: You’re a Little Bag of Pudding
10. 6. Beauty: Scorch, Slather, and Stuff
11. 7. Courtship: Not-Talking Your Way into His Heart
12. 8. The Wedding Night, or: A Bad Bit of Bumbo
13. 9. Birth Control and Other Affronts to God
14. 10. Being a Good Wife: How to Avoid His Eventual Resentment for as Long as Possible
15. 11. Running a Proper Household: The Gentle Art of Dictatorship
16. 12. Public Behavior: Avoiding Scorn, Dangers, and Museums
17. 13. It’s Hysterical: The Least Funny Thing About Victorian Life
18. 14. The Secret Vice: “Where Warts and Tiny Nipples Come From”
19. Conclusion: I Miss Pants
20. Acknowledgments
21. About the Author
22. Bibliography
23. Newsletters
24. Copyright