Whatever you think about the Internet, as a parent you will need to deal with three realities:
| 1. | It can be very useful to your teen. |
| 2. | It can be very harmful to your teen. |
| 3. | It is here to stay. |
Some people estimate that there are now two billion Web pages, an incomprehensible number. The Internet provides your teen with access to tremendous amounts of research, news, and other helpful information. But information at that scale also brings with it problems that you will need to monitor and help your teen with.
Defining the Problem
When it comes to the Internet, you need to protect your teen from harmful content, harmful people, and harmful overinvolvement.
Offensive content. Pornography, extreme violence, and other anti-life information can be accessed on the Web. Sometimes teens will be exposed to images and text that are not good for anyone, especially a vulnerable teen.
Predatory or harmful people. Teens make online contact with lots of other people via instant messaging, email, chat rooms, blogs, and social networking systems. Sometimes they form unhealthy relationships with those they meet online. Teens can also be approached by those who prey on them or who will be a negative influence.
Disconnection from real life. Even when the information and connections are innocuous, teens can become overinvolved online. They can spend too much time on the computer and not attend to homework and other responsibilities. On a deeper level, they can also run the risk of living in the cyberworld and disconnecting from real-life relationships, activities, and experiences.
Handling the Problem
If the situation is serious, you may need to remove all online access from your teen. However, you can set some other parameters that can help you protect your teen while still allowing access to the Internet.
Know what makes your teen tick. Kids with Internet problems are vulnerable for different reasons. The more you understand your teen, the better you can help her with her own particular vulnerability. Some teens, for example, feel disengaged from relationships, and so fill up the void online. Others have little impulse control and are drawn to harmful material. Still others who are unhappy with their lives get on the Internet to escape.
So find out what draws your teen to the Internet, and help her with her weaknesses and vulnerabilities. While you can provide some protection for her on the outside, you will not be around forever. What your teen really needs is help for building up and strengthening what’s inside her so that she is less vulnerable to unhealthy Web influences. After all, your teen will most likely be online when she leaves home. Help her grow and develop so that she is ready to use the Web responsibly when that time comes.
Talk to people with computer experience. Fortunately, a number of people and organizations provide information, answers, and software solutions to some of these problems. For example, there are ISPs and filters that can significantly reduce the amount of inappropriate content. There are also ways you can monitor your teen’s talk time and connections with others on the computer.
Contact a professional computer service firm about these and other ways to lock out and discourage inappropriate Internet use and exposure. Even if your teen is more experienced in this world than you are, don’t worry. Plenty of people know more than your kid. Talk to them!
Insist on safety over privacy. If your teen is using the Internet in unhealthy ways, his safety comes before his privacy and need for his own space and friendships. You may need to monitor what he does, either manually or electronically, with software that can do that. Once you see things getting better, as with anything else, you can gradually monitor your teen less and see how he handles the increased freedom.
Require life in the real world. The Web can draw you in for hours. I’m a grown-up, and I have lost track of many hours just browsing around. Teens are even more susceptible to getting caught up in the fascinating world of cyberspace.
Life and relationships were meant to be lived primarily person-to-person, face-to-face, and skin-to-skin. This is how we best operate and relate. So make sure your teen’s life is centered on the real world. Insist your teen have “live” contact with family and friends, sports, arts, hobbies, musical activities, schoolwork, and church activities. When your teen is able to keep real life in the middle of her mind, she is better able to put her Web involvement in a subordinate position, where it can be the most helpful to her.
Set limits on when, and for how long, your teen can be online. It should not be during study time, as IM especially can be so distracting. Give her the time she needs to research what she needs to research, but don’t allow her to do research as entertainment.
Establish the Internet as a privilege, not a need. Most of what your teen values about the Web isn’t a necessity. It is more of a convenience. For instance, he can talk on the phone to his friends and listen to music on the radio, a stereo, or an iPod. He can even go to the library to use books instead of the computer to do research.
So don’t be afraid to limit your teen’s access to the Internet. You can remove or block applications such as IM and chat software if they become problems. (If you don’t know how, ask an expert to tell you the steps.) If, however, you can’t do that or don’t want to, or if your teen reinstalls it, limit his computer access to times when you are in the room monitoring. You might even deny all access to the computer. If your teen reinstalls software you have removed, however, you also need to deal with the deception or defiance that is behind such a move.
You Can Do It!
If you have a teen and aren’t computer-savvy, get some education in this area. The Internet is an important aspect of your adolescent’s life, and the more you know, the more you can aid her in how to use it to her advantage rather than to her detriment.