LEAD YOURSELF WELL BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE
Have you ever worked with people who didn’t lead themselves well? Worse, have you ever worked for people in leadership positions who couldn’t lead themselves? Perhaps that’s the reason you picked up this book!
They’re like the crow in a fable I once read. The crow was sitting in a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”
“Sure,” answered the crow, “why not?” So the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, following his example. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, pounced on the rabbit, and ate him.
The tongue-in-cheek moral of the story is that if you’re going to sit around doing nothing all day, you had better be sitting very high up. But if you are down where the action is, you can’t afford to be sitting around doing nothing.
If you want to be successful in your career, you cannot afford not to lead yourself well. While it’s true that all leaders must become good at self-leadership in order to lead effectively, it’s also important to note the power self-leadership has with others. Nothing will make a better impression on your leader and those you work with than your ability to lead yourself well. This develops credibility which reduces a lot of friction people experience, including with their bosses.
What does it mean to lead yourself well? It means managing yourself, learning to make better choices by thinking the way a leader does, and developing a better attitude. Let’s take a look at each of these areas in turn.
CREDIBILITY THROUGH SELF-MANAGEMENT
First, let’s take a look at self-management. I have observed that most people put too much emphasis on decision making and too little on decision managing. As a result, they lack focus, discipline, intentionality, and purpose. We often think that self-leadership is about making good decisions every day, when the reality is that we need to make a few critical decisions in major areas of life and then manage those decisions day to day.
Here’s a classic example of what I mean. Have you ever made a New Year’s resolution to exercise? You probably already believe that exercise is important. Making a decision to do it isn’t that hard but managing that decision—and following through—can be very difficult. You sign up for a gym membership with the best of intentions. But when you get to the gym, you can’t find a place to park, the locker room is overcrowded, and all the machines are taken. When a machine finally becomes available, it may not really be the one you want. Everything takes longer than you hoped and brings results more slowly that you want. There’s even a line for the shower when you’re done.
On your way out, you see the manager of the club, and you decide to complain about the crowds. She says, “Don’t worry about it. Come back in three weeks, and you can have the closest parking place and your choice of machines. By then, 98 percent of the people who signed up will have dropped out!” You have to manage yourself well to be in the 2 percent who stick with it.
If you want to gain credibility with your boss and others, focus on taking care of business in these seven areas:
1. MANAGE YOUR EMOTIONS
It’s important for everybody to manage emotions. Nobody likes to spend time around an emotional time bomb who may “go off” at any moment. Your boss may frustrate you, but losing your temper with him will only work against you. And if you have or want a leadership role, it’s even more important for you to control your emotions because whatever leaders do affects many other people.
You must determine when to display emotions and when to delay them, especially if you lead others—or want to in the future. Sometimes showing your emotions to people is good because it helps others know what you’re feeling. It can fire them up. Is that manipulative? I don’t think so, as long as your emotion is genuine and you’re exposing it for the good of the team and not for your own gain. Because leaders see more than others and ahead of others, they often experience emotions first. By letting the team know what you’re feeling, you may be able to help them see what you’re seeing.
Other times you need to hold your feelings in check. I’m not suggesting that you deny or bury your emotions, but you may need to delay them. The bottom line in managing your emotions is that you should put others—not yourself—first in how you handle and process them. Whether you delay or display your emotions should not be for your own gratification. You should ask yourself, “What does the team need?” not, “What will make me feel better?”
2. MANAGE YOUR TIME
Time management issues are especially tough for people who feel stuck in the middle. Leaders at the top can delegate. Workers at the bottom usually get paid an hourly wage, and they do what can while they’re on the clock. People who lead others in the middle of an organization, meanwhile, are encouraged—and are often expected—to put in long hours to get work done. The better you manage your time, the more you can get done in less amount of time. It’s one of the best ways to handle the difficult demands of one expected to do more.
Maybe it will help you to consider this. In What to Do Between Birth and Death (Wm. Morrow & Co., 1992), Charles Spezzano says that people don’t pay for things with money; they pay for them with time. If you say to yourself, “In five years, I’ll have put enough away to buy that vacation house,” then what you are really saying is that the house will cost you five years—one-twelfth of your adult life. “The phrase spending your time is not a metaphor,” says Spezzano. “It’s how life works.”
Instead of thinking about what you do and what you buy in terms of money, instead think about them in terms of time. What is worth spending your life on? Seeing your work in that light just may change the way you manage your time.
Here are two ideas that may help you manage your time better. First, every day determine which tasks are most important, and do them first. Second, ask yourself how much time a given task is worth before you start it, and then try to complete it in that time frame. If you find yourself giving more time to a task than it’s worth, you know you need to make adjustments. The more efficient you are with the limited time you have, the more you’ll get done and the more you’ll be respected.
3. MANAGE YOUR PRIORITIES
One of the most frustrating things about working for others—especially when working for a bad boss—is not having complete control over your list of responsibilities or your schedule. But that doesn’t mean you just give up on managing your priorities. So what should you do? Try to get yourself to the point where you can manage your priorities and focus your time in this way:
80 percent of the time—work where you are strongest
15 percent of the time—work where you are learning
5 percent of the time—work in other necessary areas
This may not be easy to achieve, and it may take some time to get there, but it is what you should strive for. If there are people working for you, try to give them the things you aren’t good at but that they are. Or if possible, trade some duties with your colleagues so that each of you is playing to your strength. One of the ways to become better at your work and be recognized for it is to gradually shift from generalist to specialist, from someone who does many things well to someone who focuses on the few things you do exceptionally well.
You must also stop doing things you like that aren’t necessary and don’t bring a high return. Just because you like doing something doesn’t mean it should stay on your to-do list. If it is a strength, do it. If it helps you grow, do it. If your leader says you must handle it personally, do it. Anything else is a candidate for your “stop doing” list or for delegation.
4. MANAGE YOUR ENERGY
Some people have to ration their energy so that they don’t run out. Even people with high energy can have that energy sucked right out of them under difficult circumstances, such as working for a difficult boss. I’ve observed that leaders in such situations often have to deal with what I call “the ABCs energy-drain.”
Activity Without Direction—doing things that don’t seem to matter
Burden Without Action—not being able to do things that really matter
Conflict Without Resolution—not being able to deal with what’s the matter
If you find that you are in an organization where you often must deal with these ABCs, perhaps due to working for an ineffective leader, then you will have to work extra hard to manage your energy well. Do your most important work when you’re at your best: when your energy is high and your mind is sharp. Do the ABCs during your slump times.
5. MANAGE YOUR THINKING
The greatest enemy of good thinking is busyness. And if you’re a mid-level leader in an organization, you may be among the busiest people in the organization. If you find that the pace of life is too demanding for you to stop and think during your workday, then get into the habit of jotting down the three or four things that need good mental processing or planning that you can’t stop to think about. Then carve out some time later when you can give those items some good think-time, which may have to be after work hours. You may want to spend thirty minutes at home thinking every day, or you may want to keep a running list of ideas for a whole week and then take a couple of hours on Saturday. Just don’t let the list get so long that tackling it disheartens or intimidates you.
I encouraged readers in Thinking for a Change to have a place to think, and I wrote about the “thinking chair” I have in my office. I don’t sit in that thinking chair without an agenda, just hoping that a good idea hits me. What I usually do is think about the things I’ve jotted down because I was too busy to think about them during a busy day. I take the list to my chair, put it in front of me, and give each item as much think-time as it needs. Sometimes I’m evaluating a decision I’ve already made. Sometimes I’m thinking through a decision I will have to make. Sometimes I’m developing a strategy. Other times I’m trying to be creative in fleshing out an idea.
I want to encourage you to try managing your thinking in this way. If you’ve never done it before, you will be amazed by the payoff. And know this: a minute of thinking is often more valuable than an hour of talk or unplanned work. When you create a plan when your head is clear, it clears your path to do your best work.
6. MANAGE YOUR WORDS
My mentor, legendary basketball coach John Wooden, said, “Show me what you can do; don’t just tell me what you can do.” I think just about every good leader has said—or at least thought—those words at some time or another when dealing with an employee because they value action. And if people are going to stop what they’re doing long enough to listen, the words they hear need to have value. So make them count.
If you wish to make sure that your words carry weight, then weigh them well. The good news is that if you manage your thinking and take advantage of focused think-time, you will probably see improvement in the area of managing your words too. If you have something worthwhile to say, say it briefly and well. If you don’t, sometimes the best thing to do is remain silent. In chapter five, I’ll give you more specific advice about when to speak up to your boss, and when not to.
7. MANAGE YOUR PERSONAL LIFE
You can do everything right at work and manage yourself well there, but if your personal life is a mess, it will eventually turn everything else sour. What would it profit a leader to climb to the top of the organizational chart but to lose a marriage or alienate the children? As someone who spent many years counseling people, I can tell you, no career success is worth it.
For years one of my definitions of success has been this: having those who are closest to me love and respect me the most. That is what is most important. I want the love and respect of my wife, my children, and my grandchildren before I want the respect of anyone I work with. Don’t get me wrong. I want the people who work with me to respect me too, but not at the expense of my family. If I blow managing myself at home, then the negative impact will spill over into every area of my life, including work.
Many people underestimate how much the challenges they experience with a difficult boss result from their own poor self-management and self-leadership. If you want to build a better relationship with your boss, you must always lead yourself effectively first. Leading yourself well will also improve your relationship with your colleagues and your team. Credibility comes first from how you conduct yourself. I’ve found the following to be true:
If I can’t lead myself, others won’t follow me.
If I can’t lead myself, others won’t respect me.
If I can’t lead myself, others won’t partner with me.
The better you are at making sure you’re doing what you should be doing, the better chance you have for making an impact on others.
MAKING BETTER DECISIONS
If you are already good at managing yourself, you’re on a good path. But self-leadership also involves thinking the way a leader does and making decisions based on it. Here are the things you need to keep in mind as you develop these skills.
THINK LONGER TERM
Many people in organizations don’t look ahead, including bad bosses. If you want to be a better employee and a better leader, you need to focus on more than just the task at hand and see more than just the current moment. Good self-leaders look ahead, whether it be a few hours, a few days, or a few years. This impacts whether the organization will thrive tomorrow as well as today. That requires long-term thinking.
SEE WITHIN THE LARGER CONTEXT
Most people evaluate events in their lives according to how they will be personally affected. To lead yourself in a way that better serves the organization, you need to think within a broader context. Look at how something will impact those above, beside, and below you. They try to see everything in terms of the entire organization and beyond.
It’s crucial to see your area as part of the larger process and understand how the pieces of the larger puzzle fit together. Find the answers to the following questions:
• How do I fit in my area or department?
• How do all the departments fit into the organization?
• Where does our organization fit in the market?
• How is our market related to other industries and the economy?
If you desire to solve leadership problems that your boss doesn’t, then broaden your thinking and work at seeing things from a larger perspective.
PUSH BOUNDARIES
While self-management is basically having the discipline to follow through with the rules you set for yourself, leadership is about taking things forward. Often that means learning to think outside the box. It means tactfully pushing boundaries. Leaders take responsibility for finding a better way, for making improvements. They want to see progress. If you have natural leadership ability, you probably want to make changes, retire old rules, invent new procedures. If not, start asking, “Do you know why we do it this way? Would it be okay for us to try doing it this way instead?” Try to gently push boundaries without being pushy.
PUT GREATER EMPHASIS ON INTANGIBLES
Leadership is really a game of intangibles. I say that because leadership is influence, and what could be more intangible than that? To lead yourself and others well, you’ll need to learn how to deal with things like morale, motivation, momentum, emotions, attitudes, atmosphere, and timing. How do you measure timing before you do something? How do you put your finger on momentum? To gauge such things, you have to read between the lines. Practice dealing with things that can’t always be measured.
Many times the stated problems in organizations are not the real problems. For example, let’s say a department is $100,000 over budget at the end of the quarter. Their problem isn’t a money problem. The deficit is only evidence of the problem. The real problem may be the morale of the sales force, or the timing of a product launch, or the attitude of the department’s leader. By reading between the lines and examining the intangibles, you may be able to discover where the real problems are and make a greater impact on solving them.
LEARN TO RELY ON INTUITION
How do leaders learn to work with intangibles? They learn to rely on intuition. The more you focus your attention on intangibles instead of tangibles, on principles instead of practices, the more information you will be filing away for future use, and the sharper your intuition will become. Intuition alone may not be enough to go on, but you should never ignore your intuition.
Business professor, consultant, and leadership guru Warren Bennis said, “A part of whole-brain thinking includes learning to trust what Emerson called the ‘blessed impulse,’ the hunch, the vision that shows you in a flash the absolutely right thing to do. Everyone has these visions; leaders learn to trust them.”
Begin to pay attention to your instincts. If you get a gut feeling about somethings that’s wrong or the source of a problem, quietly pay attention to see what happens. You may be able to confirm that your intuition was right. If it wasn’t, explore why you got the wrong signals. You can actually build your intuition in this way.
INVEST YOUR POWER IN OTHERS
If you want to become a better leader, you need to look for ways to share whatever power you have. If you’ve ever had a controlling boss, you know how difficult it can be to work for him. Instead of building their teams, these kinds of bosses try to control costs, control quality, control efficiency, and control people. But leading isn’t about controlling; it’s about releasing.
To be a better leader, look for good people, and invest in them to the point where they can be released and empowered to perform. People need to be coached and encouraged. This process is not smooth. In fact, it is often messy. But the better the leaders, the more delighted they are to see members of the team finding their own new ways to get things done. And in the case of the best leaders, if some of the people outshine the leaders who empowered them, then all the better. Try to adopt that mindset.
SEE YOURSELF AS AN AGENT OF CHANGE
Psychologist and author Charles Garfield said:
Peak performers . . . do not see accomplishments as a fixed state, nor as a safe haven in which the individual is moored, completed, finished. Not once have I heard a peak performer speak of an end to challenge, excitement, curiosity, and wonder. Quite the contrary. One of the most engaging characteristics is an infectious talent for moving into the future; generating new challenges, living with a sense of “more work to be done.”1
The same things can be said of leaders. They don’t want things to stay the same. They desire innovation. They love new challenges. They want more than just seeing progress—they want to help make it happen. Furthermore, they take responsibility for making it happen as change agents. This is the kind of mindset you want to adopt to become a better leader.
Leadership is a moving target, and it always will be. If you desire to become better at leading yourself, get comfortable with change. And if you want to make the most of the difficult situation of working for a bad boss, learn to think like a leader yourself. Think people, think progress, and think intangibles.
DEVELOP AND MAINTAIN A GREAT ATTITUDE
There’s one more area you need to focus on to lead yourself exceptionally well. You need to develop a great attitude. People who work for bad bosses often feel unrecognized and unappreciated. They don’t get the credit or recognition they desire and deserve. It’s difficult to be a team player, remain positive, and keep contributing in those circumstances. How do you keep your chin up?
CONCENTRATE MORE ON YOUR DUTIES THAN YOUR DREAMS
Noted composer and conductor Leonard Bernstein was once asked which instrument he considered to be the most difficult to play. After a moment he responded, “Second fiddle. I can get plenty of first violinists, but to find one who can play second fiddle with enthusiasm—that’s a problem.” We can often become so focused on our dreams and goals that we lose sight of the responsibilities right in front of us.
People who maintain a great attitude pay more attention to production than to promotion. If you consistently “deliver the goods,” as poet Walt Whitman put it, you may eventually be noticed. But more importantly, if you do good work, you will be content with the job you do even at those times when others don’t recognize your efforts.
APPRECIATE THE VALUE OF YOUR POSITION
Not everyone will understand or appreciate the work you do, so it’s important that you do. Every position has value, but too often we don’t value that position. You make what you do important by valuing it yourself and doing your best. If you despise the position you have, it may be because of what I call “destination disease” or the “greener grass syndrome.” If you focus your attention on being some other place because you think it’s better, then you will neither enjoy where you are nor do what you must to be successful. Stay in the present.
FIND SATISFACTION IN KNOWING THE REAL REASON FOR THE SUCCESS OF A PROJECT
In his book, Good to Great (Harper Business, 2001), Jim Collins writes about “level five” leaders. He says that these leaders, who lead their organizations quietly and humbly, are much more effective than flashy, charismatic, high-profile leaders. One of the reasons I believe that’s true is that good leaders understand they don’t really deserve all the credit for the success of an organization. Success comes from the people who get the work done.
When you do a job well, and you know the impact of the work you did, let that give you great satisfaction. Let it motivate you. The definition of high morale is: “I make a difference.” When you know you’re making a significant contribution, you need less external motivation and less praise from a boss who may never give it.
EMBRACE THE COMPLIMENTS OF OTHERS IN SIMILAR SITUATIONS
There is no higher compliment than acknowledgment and appreciation from someone whose circumstances, position, or experience is similar to yours. Isn’t that true? A musician may enjoy a compliment from a fan, but praise from another musician means more. When an entrepreneur says someone is good at spotting an opportunity, you believe it. Likewise, when someone else who is leading from the middle of an organization tells you, “Well done,” take that compliment to heart. And remember the words of novelist Mark Twain, who said, “One compliment can keep me going for a whole month.” Everyone enjoys kind words from the boss, and many seek them out. But the praise of a colleague who’s walked in your shoes really does mean more.
AVOID SELF-PROMOTION AND ENGAGE IN SELFLESS PROMOTION
Self-promotion says, “If you don’t toot your own horn, no one will toot it for you.” Selfless promotion says, “I just want to help the team make beautiful music!” Take a look at the difference between the two kinds of promotion:
SELF-PROMOTION VS. SELFLESS PROMOTION |
Me first |
Others first |
Move up |
Build up |
Guard information |
Share information |
Take credit |
Give credit |
Hog the ball |
Pass the ball |
Deflect the blame |
Accept responsibility |
Manipulate others |
Motivate others |
I think the willingness to focus on selfless promotion comes from an abundance mindset. Tim Sanders, author of Love Is the Killer App (Crown Business, 2002), talks about it, as did Stephen Covey a decade earlier. Sanders says there are plenty of resources, credit, and opportunities to go around. In fact, he believes that a scarcity mind-set is at the root of most conflict. You can excel while working for a bad boss if you have an abundance mind-set. Most people who work hard, expect good things to happen, and believe in abundance experience the life they expect to have.
Good leadership always gets noticed. Legendary Green Bay Packer football coach Vince Lombardi said, “Some of us will do our jobs well, and some will not. But we will all be judged by only one thing—the result.” People who lead themselves exceptionally well get results—and they get noticed.
If you take care to do what you need to do and do it well, you will stand out. And you will put yourself in a position to start developing your influence, which is the subject of the next chapter.