How to Naturally Attract Women After College and Dominate Your Twenties
David Perrotta
www.PostGradCasanova.com
Copyright © 2015 David Perrotta
All rights reserved.
ISBN-13: 978-1505631982
ISBN-10: 150563198X
Dedication
Thank you to my crew of friends back in Boston. Without you guys, I never would have had the experience or knowledge to write a book like this, or the motivation to quit my job, start a business, and move across the world. The last two and half years have been an incredible ride. Here’s to keeping it going.
And of course, thanks to all the amazing women I’ve come across on this journey. You’ve loved me, rejected me, laughed with me (and sometimes at me), and in the end, you’ve taught me what it really means to be a man and embrace my authentic self.
Table of Contents
The Origin of “PostGradCasanova”
Introduction: How Getting Good with Women Changed My Life—and Will Change Yours, Too
Part I: Dating in College vs. the “Real World”
Chapter 1: Why You can Have MORE Success with Women in the “Real World”
Chapter 2: 10 Myths About Dating in the “Real World”
Chapter 4: Your Social Life is an Extension of Your Dating Life
Part II: The Fundamentals
Chapter 5: How to Look the Part of an Attractive Man
Chapter 6: Developing the Natural Vibe
Chapter 7: The Fundamental Beliefs of an Attractive Man
Chapter 8: The Power of Intent
Chapter 9: Approaching Like a Boss
Chapter 10: The Charming Conversationalist
Part III: Taking the Lead
Chapter 12: How to Master the Nightlife Scene and be a Rockstar at the Bar/Club
Chapter 13: Texting to Set Up the Date
Chapter 14: 3 Keys to an Epic First Date
Chapter 15: Bringing it all Together
Chapter 16: What This Book is Really About
Buyer Bonus
As a way of saying thank you for your purchase, I’m offering a FREE eBook that’s exclusive to my book and blog readers.
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Inside, you’ll learn:
* How to add value in your texts and get her excited to see you
* A little known “text game” that gets her flirting with you
* A dirty little secret that instantly makes her respond positively
* And much, much more…
http://www.PostGradCasanova.com/free-ebook
Who This Book is For
You recently graduated—or maybe, you're just in your twenties. You catch yourself reminiscing about the good ole' college days. And rightfully so, college is one of the best times of your life. All the booze, parties, and girls you can ever want. Every night seems to be more memorable than the last. (Don't worry--even if your college experience wasn't the greatest, or you didn't go to college, you'll still get a ton of value from this book.)
But since you graduated, you're in a slump. The bar scene is fun, but it just doesn't cut it. You hang with your friends all night, overspend on booze, and talk to one or two girls. Once in a while you get lucky, but it's inconsistent. The logistics just aren't there like they were in college.
Back in college, it was easier to approach a girl—all you had to do was ask about her major and you could start a conversation. In the “real world”, the dynamics are different.
But college doesn't have to be the best four years of your life—although for many guys, it's exactly that. For the duration of their twenties, they grind through jobs they're not passionate about to get pointless experience, and settle with a girl they're not crazy about.
But you can avoid this common fate and cement yourself amongst the top 1% of guys. You CAN meet and attract beautiful girls and master the bar scene—you CAN earn a living doing something you love—and you DON'T have to settle for anything less. You've waited this long—now is the time to take control.
If you want to spend the rest of your life reminiscing about those four crazy college years, this book isn't for you. But if you want to: consistently have nights that blow your college experience out of the water; date high quality women; get more dates than you can handle; find your purpose; and never lament about how shitty life is after college, then you're in the right place.
The Origin of “PostGradCasanova”
This whole journey started with my blog, PostGradCasanova.com . But, why 'PostGradCasanova'?
After I graduated, I noticed the "real world" was a lot different than college--especially when it came to meeting women.
Conversations seemed easy in college. But the "real world" was full of strangers. And by strangers, I mean hot girls who I was scared to talk to.
If I couldn't talk about classes and teachers, what was I supposed to do?
Through a bit of trial and error, I figured it out. It wasn't so scary after all. Actually, it was a ton of fun.
But most guys never try to get good with women after college. They don't control their dating life. Instead, they resolve to meet women through work and friends.
But what if you never had to worry about your dating life? How would it feel to know, with 100% certainty, that you could go anywhere in the world and have instant success with women? If you could get a date with the sexy girl in the bar? Or the beautiful woman strolling past you on the sidewalk ? If you had control, instead of relying on circumstance?
This can be your reality.
The whole idea of "PostGradCasanova" is to dominate life after college. Career, dating, lifestyle. Everything. To work for your success, instead of dream for it. To shatter limitations and get the life you want.
Here at PostGradCasanova, there's no waiting around. Just action. When we want something in life, we reach out and grab it by the fucking horns.
Most people die with their music still inside of them. Their potential, unfulfilled. Not us. Not you. We're the world changers, the ladies men, the action takers, the no-excuse makers. We unleash our music onto the world. We die empty. Because that's the purpose of life.
Get ready to embark on a life-changing adventure.
Introduction: How Getting Good with Women Changed My Life—and Will Change Yours, Too
The Beginning: Leaving Everything Behind
I walked across the stage and swung the tassel across my graduation cap. It was official: I was now part of the “real world.” You know, the one that everybody makes out to be so terrible and scary.
And I was scared. The last four years of my life were fairly easy. Party with the guys in my fraternity, get drunk, make a fool of myself in front of girls (and occasionally “get lucky”), and go to class a few times a week. I didn't have to worry about my future.
My college major? Accounting. I was bored with it by junior year, but I didn't have the balls to change majors. I thought, somehow, things would magically figure themselves out.
And I did alright with girls in college. But I had my insecurities. I was always afraid to talk to the most beautiful girls—especially the girls in the 'hottest sororities'. I never felt like I was cool enough, and it was obvious.
Post-grad life worried me—my older friends complained about how difficult it was to meet beautiful girls after college. Not to mention, they'd rant about their terrible cubicle jobs. They'd constantly reminisce about their college days.
But there I was, staring the “real world” right in the face. Would I be like my friends—hating my job and settling for women I wasn't crazy about? Or would I somehow separate myself from the pack? Everything was uncertain.
Let's break this down: I was a college grad who hated his major, had no future plan, was average with women, and lived with his parents.
Basically, I was a total catch.
My First Run-in With the “Pickup” Scene
I was a shy kid growing up. In fact, I was diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome—a type of autism characterized by significant difficulties in social interaction and nonverbal communication. It wasn't until I was in my teens that doctors discovered this diagnosis was wrong, and I really just had ADHD. But until that point, I thought I had a social disorder, and it was a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy. I could barely talk to anyone. It took me a while to fully recover and accept this new reality.
Back when I was ten, I wanted to know how to talk to girls. Not just casual conversation, but the exact words to make them like me—cue the painful years of embarrassing failures (now, I’m twenty-three and I say ridiculous things to women—and they dig it).
I was fascinated by the idea of being able to choose the women I wanted in my life. Instead of relying on friends, school, and work to hopefully stumble across or get introduced to a cool girl, what if I could actively go out, and meet and attract beautiful women anywhere?
That desire is what initially got me interested in the controversial 'pickup' scene.
Flash forward a few weeks after graduation. The trajectory of my life was about to change, and I had no idea...
***
It was a Saturday night. Glancing at the surrounding faces, I saw 15 men in their twenties: businessmen, engineers, scientists, doctors, magicians, waiters, and more. The goal? Go out to the bars and pick up women.
“What the hell am I getting myself into?” I thought. “This seems weird…no…weird is an understatement.”
And so began my first dive into the ‘pickup’ scene. I knew about this secret world for a while, but I never thought I’d get involved. It was too late to back out now. After some quick introductions, we went out to the bars.
…
“Are you really drinking wine on a Saturday night?” I laughed. The seven hottest girls in the bar turned towards me. I locked eyes with the stereotypically-hot blonde. Barbie girl swag.
“You know what? I like you. You’re the first guy who’s had the balls to approach us all night,” she said.
“Girl, please. It takes more than a few mini-skirts to scare me,” I said.
She bought me a Patron shot. I was in the zone.
…
Within three hours, I made a name for myself. I kissed a sexy blonde and showcased my ‘game’. I felt cool—and validated.
I made friends with some of the other guys, too. Maybe it wasn’t so weird after all.
That night, I had an epiphany: You can learn how to get good with women. The more I went out with these guys, the better I got. Each night I went out resulted in multiple dates the following week.
It wasn't long before my newfound success with women started to change my outlook on life. In fact, it all happened that summer after I graduated. I realized that if I could choose the women I wanted in my life, why not choose everything else? Why waste time doing something I hate, just to fit into social norms?
So, when September came around, and it was time to walk back into my college and talk to my professor about graduate school classes for the upcoming year, I had a change of heart.
Declining Graduate School and Breaking Free
“Well if you don’t go to grad school, what will you do?”
The professor glared at me, confused—as if graduate school were a life or death decision. It wasn’t the first time I’d been asked that question. That’s why I hated it—it felt like a trap. I needed to break free.
I scanned his office. The ‘Bachelors of Science in Accounting’ degree and ‘Certified Public Accountant’ certification caught my eye. I was about to give all that up…on a whim.
“I don’t know. I guess I have to figure that out,” I chuckled.
I packed my things and thanked him for the advice. I was free. For the first time, it felt like I chose life. I swapped a future of security for one of uncertainty. And I was petrified. But also excited—because there were no longer any limits.
For the first 21 years of my life, I had a set plan. Society laid it out for me. I shoved that plan back in their face. Now, anything was possible. I could be a star, or a dud. But I had control—and it was exhilarating.
Where I am Now
It's been over two years since these events...two years since I was exposed to the “real world.” I'll warn you—it's definitely scary, but it's not as terrible as some people claim.
This path has been a crazy one. Twists and turns, ups and downs. I embarked on an unconventional journey that started with one goal: get good with women. But it's led to so much more.
If I ignored my gut, went to grad school, and got my master’s degree, I'd be working in a cubicle at a corporate accounting firm. I'd follow the “expected plan”, and it'd look good. People would be impressed.
But I'd hate myself. Instead, the past two years have been filled with the craziest adventures of my life. Adventures that never would have been possible if I chose the conventional path. Here's a few :
-Opened for Big Sean with a freestyle rap
-Lived on an elephant-themed houseboat in Boston
-Got flown out to Hollywood to pick up girls with the guys from Simple Pickup, a Youtube channel with nearly two million subscribers
-Went on a cross-country bus tour with the #1 DJ in the world, Hardwell , and shot confetti on stage
-Moved to Vietnam and started an online business
And along the way, I've been lucky enough to meet many amazing, beautiful women.
What This Means for You: The “Gateway Drug” to Your Life's Success
People want to do great things, but aren’t really sure how to operate outside the realm of what society thinks is possible. But with just one small breakthrough, they’d see the bullshit of society’s limitations.
Getting good with women is one of those breakthroughs.
I’ve seen the evidence in my life and in the lives of many others—quitting their jobs, traveling, and building businesses that impact the world.
What starts as trying to get good with women…becomes a journey of self-development, passion, and a burning desire to live life on your terms.
It’s not just about attracting women. It never was.
But that just might be the ‘gateway drug’ that catapults you to the next level—and changes the way you think.
Forever.
What You'll Get From This Book
Over the past few years, I've seen many of my friends struggle to meet and attract women after college.
At the same time, I've gone from being average with women, to being able to meet and date beautiful women on a consistent basis.
I don't use any magic pickup lines or hypnotic phrases. I simply go out and have fun, and usually my night ends with a girl.
I could tell you to just go out and have fun, but that wouldn't help you much. So instead, I've taken everything I've learned in the past few years and jam packed it into this book.
And if you don’t like to go out to bars and clubs? No problem. You’ll learn the best ways and places to meet your ideal type of woman.
By the time you're done reading, you'll have all the tools and knowledge to meet and attract beautiful women—and lay the foundation for completely dominating your life. Of course, you'll still need to go out and take action, but I guarantee you'll be surprised by the results.
I'll sprinkle in some relevant hilarious and ridiculous stories along the way, so you can see some of the advice in action.
You ready for the journey? Let's get started.
Part I: Dating in College vs. the “Real World”
Chapter 1:
Why You Can Have MORE Success with Women in the “Real World”
You can have a TON more success with women in the “real world” than you ever did in college. And this seems counterintuitive, given the stereotypes of college parties and the hookup culture. But there's a reason for this. I'll get to that in a second. But first, you need to understand the main difference between meeting women in college and the “real world.”
The Social Hierarchy Runs EVERYTHING
The social hierarchy is the bread and butter of the college experience. It essentially determines all of your relationships in college—from friends to the girls you date. This can be a great thing depending on where you rank in that social hierarchy.
There are certain components that tend to enhance your reputation. These include:
• Jock
• Good fraternity
• Popular friends
• Hosting great parties
• Active on campus
• Dating/being friends with hot girls
And certain components that tend to lower your reputation:
• Bad fraternity
• Not in the popular crowd
• Labeled as “creepy”
• Being needy
The more “good” components (we’ll refer to this as “social proof”) you have, the better, and vice versa. An average (or even below-average) guy in the best fraternity usually has a better reputation than the coolest guy in a bad fraternity.
The average guy with more social proof will have a better college lifestyle than the cool guy with less social proof. The result? The average guy will hang with hotter girls, get invited to better parties, and overall have more fun. It’s easier for a guy with more social proof to date the hottest girls in school, while it’s nearly impossible for a guy with no social proof to do the same.
The social hierarchy in college is built OVER TIME. Its foundation is laid out after the first few weeks of freshman year and variations are added to it over the following four years. If you solidify yourself as one of the “social proofed” guys, you will find it easy to meet and attract beautiful college girls.
However, if you find yourself in that medium range, it will reflect in your overall college experience and you will likely find it more difficult. Most guys find themselves in this medium range of limbo throughout college (I did), so don’t beat yourself up over it.
How “Real Life” is Different
First, let's look at the nightlife scene.
Let’s be clear on this: the idea of “social proof” IS important after college too—but it’s a little bit different.
Regular bars are in a totally different spectrum than college bars. For the most part, normal bars are filled with complete strangers. As a result, the social hierarchy is much more flexible and is built throughout the night.
Whatever your status was in college, that NO LONGER matters. These girls have no idea how hard you partied at Delta Tau Chi (and they probably don’t care) or those touchdown records you set for your DII football squad. The only thing that matters is RIGHT NOW. You are basically starting from scratch each night (but this is also a golden opportunity, and you’ll see why). This is why most guys (yes, even the cool “social proofed” guys) have a lot of trouble after college. It’s a different atmosphere and many guys never fully adjust to it.
Now, let's look at dating in general—specifically, what women value. In college, women primarily value social status/popularity. But after college, other factors come into play. Women put more stock in the type of guy you are—your level of motivation, your ability to be a good partner, and what you're doing with your life. So, by taking action and improving yourself, you become MUCH more attractive to women.
What This Means for You
If you weren't amazing with women in college, that's fine. You're no longer anchored to your reputation from the previous four years. Each interaction is a new one, and all that matters is that you put your best foot forward in that moment.
When I was in college, I was afraid to be my authentic self. I was especially scared of being seen as 'creepy' or accidentally insulting girls. After all, word can spread around campus quickly, and I might have to see that girl in class the next week. By nature, I'm a bit of a ridiculous dude, but I rarely showed that side in college. I always held back.
But in the “real world,” you don't need to worry about running into girls in class or on campus. The limitations are lifted and you can be as ridiculous as you want.
You can approach a beautiful girl on the street or in the nightclub, get her number, and take her on a date. And it doesn't matter if she used to be in the 'hottest' sorority.
This is a game changer.
You might be thinking, “Okay, cool. But if there's so much more opportunity in the 'real world', and less limitations, why do most guys still struggle to attract the women they desire?”
That's a great question.
Why Guys Struggle with Women After College
You might have more opportunity in the “real world,” but the playing field is different. And you'll struggle if you don't adapt to the changes. But as you become aware of these differences, you'll gain an edge over the vast majority of guys who are still stuck in the post-grad slump. Here are some reasons why guys struggle:
No Obvious Commonalities
At a college bar or party, there's no shortage of conversation topics. Often times, you'll even have mutual friends with most of the girls in the venue. You can play the “Who do you know” game, discuss majors, complain about teachers, or ask her to be your partner in a game of beer pong. The point is, you're in the same college 'bubble', so naturally you have a lot in common.
But in the “real world,” you don't have these obvious commonalities. You have to manufacture new conversation without the benefit of being in the same bubble.
And that's where most guys hit a dead end. They snap into interview mode and rattle off question after question about what the girl does, where she lives, and everything else they can think of—until the girl is practically out of breath (and bored to tears) from answering.
Don't Understand the Dynamics of the Nightlife Scene
Nightlife in the “real world” is different than nightlife in college. Like I mentioned before, you need to build social proof throughout the night. But most guys treat nightlife the same way they did in college.
They drink profusely, talk with their buddies for most of the night, and drunkenly stumble up to a few different girls. Sometimes they get lucky, but most nights ends with frustration.
Can't Manage Logistics
In the “real world,” you don't live on the same campus as the girls you talk to. Sometimes, you may not even live in the same city. So if you want to close the deal with a girl, you have to manage the logistics—and often, this is the toughest part of the interaction. Even if you can approach a girl, develop a great connection, and get her interested in leaving with you, bad logistics can still be the dealbreaker .
Afraid to Approach Women
Approaching women isn't easy. Many successful men have been stopped in their tracks at the thought of approaching a beautiful woman. So it's understandable. No matter how good you get with women, you'll never completely erase this fear. But that's the beauty of social interaction—it's fun, exciting, and unpredictable.
Most guys never try to work through this fear, though. They are controlled by the fear and it prevents them from having the type of success they desire.
Ego Gets in the Way
Most guys let their ego get in the way. They never try to get better with women, because if they did, they'd have to admit to themselves that they aren't meeting their own definition of success. And for many men, this admission is too damaging to their ego. So they make excuses and frown upon any sort of dating advice. They rationalize their mediocrity with women.
Here’s the reality though: you’re either satisfied with your dating life, or your not. And if you’re not, then no amount of denying or rationalizing will get you the women you desire.
Overall, dating can seem a little tougher after college, and there are many reasons why guys tend to struggle. But you'll learn how to overcome these struggles, cut through the bullshit, and attract the beautiful women you desire.
Chapter 2:
10 Myths About Dating in the “Real World”
If you're a man in today's society, there's a good chance you've been ingrained with some serious limiting beliefs about women. But here's the thing: most of what society and the media teach you about women is complete bullshit.
So, before you think, “There's no way I can get the success with women I really want. I'm just not good - looking/rich/charming/successful enough,” stop, take a deep breath, and realize that you're simply getting swept up in social conditioning.
You only need three things to get good with women: 1) a willingness to take action, 2) the ability to learn from your mistakes, and 3) the persistence to face and work through rejection. The rest will take care of itself in time.
But if you firmly believe you'll never have what it takes to date the women you want, then your reality will follow suit. So let's the cut the bullshit and break down some of the popular myths about dating in the “real world.” I'll warn you though—after reading this you'll no longer be able to resort to your go-to excuses as to why you're not great with women.
Myth #1:
You Need to be Traditionally “Good-Looking”
I'm not going to sit here and tell you that looks don't matter. Of course they do. You judge books by their cover, and people by their appearance. That's just human nature and it probably won't ever change.
But do you need to be traditionally “good-looking” to meet and attract beautiful girls? You might think so. We've all seen sexy girls dating traditionally attractive guys. And this feeds into the belief that you need to be good looking to get those sexy girls.
So then, is this really a myth? Absolutely—and here's why: women are more attracted to the type of guy you are than the way you look.
Your appearance conveys the type of guy you are, so you can leverage it to convey certain traits and characteristics. You don't need to be 'good-looking' to attract beautiful girls, but you do need to look good .
What does it take tolook good ? It comes down to a few elements: hairstyle, grooming, fashion, physique, hygiene, and body language. We'll dive deeper into these elements in part two of this book, but for now, remember this: not every guy is traditionally attractive, but every guy has the ability to look good.
Myth #2: You Need to Be Rich
You hear this one all the time, and you've probably seen your fair share of 'gold diggers' – you know, attractive younger women with older, wealthy men. And you've probably seen a table at a club with a few wealthy guys surrounded by beautiful women. While some women will only date a guy who is wealthy, these women are few and far between (and often times, the pretty girls at the table are only using the guys for their alcohol). But I'm guessing you probably don't want to be with a woman who only wants you for your money. Doesn't sound like a fulfilling relationship, does it?
Here's a personal story to dispel this myth for you. I lived with my parents for the better part of my first year after college. I was broke, working a dead-end office job that I hated, and I drove a beaten up '97 Toyota Avalon (I was a total catch, remember?). I lived in Rhode Island, but I drove up an hour to Boston on weekend nights, because I hated the nightlife scene in Rhode Island. I couldn't even take girls back to my place. The only thing I could do is go to their place.
But in that first year (and each year since) I dated and slept with more women than I did in my whole four-year college career. The funny thing? Not only were most of these girls a bit older than me, but I also told them, straight out, that I lived with my parents. I was a young, broke guy in his early twenties, and there was no mistaking it. But I almost always could get the girl over more wealthy guys (doctors, lawyers, politics, etc.).
And it was hilarious, because I could clearly see that it pissed them off. It's not uncommon for guys to work towards a prestigious, high-salary career, in hopes that it will help them attract the women they desire. It seems ridiculous, I know (I actually knew a guy in his final years of getting his doctorate, who said his only motivation for being a doctor was to get good with women).
So when a beautiful girl chooses the young broke guy in his early twenties over the wealthy older guy, it makes those guys question their whole reality. I'm going off on a tangent, but the point is, you don't need to be rich to be good with women, and you should never choose a career solely because you think it will help you attract women.
Myth #3:
Women Only Like Bad Boys/Assholes
Nice guys finish last—it's the biggest cliché in the book. And rightfully so, because it's true. “Nice guys” do finish last, but that's because “nice” is code for 'needy, insecure, boring, and validation-seeking'. These kind of guys deserve to finish last. They don't provide any value or excitement to the girl. They're predictable, by the book, and boring.
So then, girls must only like bad boys/assholes, right? Wrong. This is another common myth in society. Yet, you hear of the girl who's always attracted to the 'bad boys' who hurt her, and she pushes the nice guys away. It doesn't make sense.
Here's why it's a myth, though. Most women don't like bad boys or assholes for the fact that they are bad boys and assholes (except maybevery insecure women, but this is another type you probably want to stay away from). Instead, women are attracted to the traits and characteristics of these guys' behavior. Luckily, you can exude these traits without actually being an asshole and without treating women like crap. You can be a good, caring person and still attract the women you want. Pretty cool, right?
So, what are the bad boy's/asshole's characteristics that women crave? Here's a few : exciting, adventurous, unpredictable, fascinating, dominant, and unattached. You'll learn how to exude these traits throughout this book.
Myth #4:
Getting Her Phone Number is a “Win”
Guys tend to make a huge deal about getting the girl's phone number. But in the currency of dating, phone numbers are nearly worthless. If a girl gives you her phone number, it doesn't mean she likes you or wants to see you again.
I used to think phone numbers were a big deal too. I won't lie to you—I've done my fair share of victorious fist pumps after getting a cute girl's number, and no, I'm not proud of it.
But women give their phone number (or, fake phone numbers) to countless guys out of pity. After all, it's pretty awkward to deny somebody point blank—it's easier to avoid the awkwardness, give out the phone number, and avoid responding to the guy.
Don't look at a phone number as validation that a woman is interested in you. In fact, by the time you ask for her phone number, there shouldn't be any doubt that she'll give it to you. You should have already built a connection and gotten her at least somewhat attracted to you—and at that point, it's assumed that you should continue the conversation at a future date. And that's when you should ask for the phone number. It's simply a way to set up that future meeting between the two of you, and nothing more. Later on, we'll talk about the right way to get a solid phone number to set up that future meeting.
Myth #5:
You Should Wait a Few Days Before You Text Her
This might be the biggest myth of all. The logic behind it makes sense—if you wait to text her, you won't come off as needy, you'll seem hard to get , and you'll make her miss you. But in reality, that's just not how it goes down. Not only is this rule complete and utter bullshit, but often times it destroys your chance with the girl.
Picture this: you meet and have a great night with a beautiful girl. At the end of the night, she has to go home with her friends, but you get her number so the two of you can hang out next week. You follow the 'don't text her for a few days' rule, and play it cool.
But she's a beautiful, high quality girl—and on any given day, she has ten to twenty guys vying for her attention. By the time you text her a few days later, you're lost in the jumble of guys. She doesn't respond to your text, and you miss out on a potentially amazing opportunity to get to know a beautiful girl. Sucks, right?
Here's the thing—when you wait to text her for a few days, she isn't sweating by the phone, waiting for your response. In all likelihood, she barely remembers you, no matter how much fun the two of you had.
But when you text her the next day, the memory is still fresh in her mind—you can build on the connection from the night before, rekindle those emotions, and set up the date. (In part three, I'll tell you exactly how to text her so you can accomplish that.)
This isn't just my 'theory' either. I've slept with my fair share of women, and not only do I NOT wait a few days to text them, but I'll almost always text them the same night (or day).
Why? Well, this just helps her remember the interaction. More often than not, she probably doesn't even remember your name. For me, when I meet girls (especially at night), I forget their names immediately almost 60% of the time. And sometimes I forget to save her number in my phone, so there's just a phone number with no name. Then, when we meet up again, I'm forced to try to awkwardly get her name without making her realize that I've forgotten it.
Instead, I'll send her a short text the same night/day, and I'll include both her name and my name. It's a simple text that does the job, isn't needy, and conveys that you're a cool, good guy. I'll give you the exact wording of this text in part three.
Myth #6:
You Should Buy Her a Drink to Start the Conversation
This one is a classic. You've seen it in movies and TV many times. Guy sees girl—guy is nervous to approach girl, and doesn't know what to say—guy finally approaches girl and offers to buy her a drink—they get into a fascinating conversation and end up happily ever after (and/or she goes home with him that night).
What a great life hack, right? All you need to do is walk up and offer to buy her a drink, and she'll fall for you after five minutes of conversation. Unfortunately, this is also bullshit, and it hasn't been cool since the seventies. While buying her a drink can sometimes lead to a great conversation, it starts you off on the wrong foot.
There's a simple reason why: when you offer to buy her a drink to start the conversation, you convey that you don't have enough inherent value to be worthy of her time. You buy her a drink in hopes that she'll invest a few minutes of her time with you. In essence, you place a premium on her time before you know anything about her.
You can start the conversation much easier, and you don't need to spend any money. The funny part is you can literally say anything—you've just been convinced that you need to say the 'right' thing when you approach a girl.
But is it ever okay to buy her a drink? Absolutely. If you're talking to a girl for 10-15 minutes (enough time to establish that she's cool and you like something about her), and you're about to get a drink, then by all means offer to get her a drink too. At this point, it's okay because you're not buying her time. Instead, it's more like you're rewarding her for being cool.
Myth #7:
You Need to Say the “Right” Things
This myth is likely the reason why you're hesitant to approach beautiful women. You feel like you need to think up the exact words or phrases that will blow her away, and just like that, she'll understand what an amazing guy you are. But then, you need to keep the conversation going—what's the perfect phrase to say next? It never ends.
In reality, though, you don't need the perfect words. Often times, you don't even have to make sense. You can blurt out ridiculous lines off the top of your head (that's usually my move). It's not about what you say, it's how you say it. This takes into account your tone of voice, level of eye contact, facial expression, and overall body language.
You can walk up to her and say, “Girl, I feel like such a loser tonight. Save me from myself,” and do it in a way that conveys you're a sexual, confident, humorous, and interesting guy. Here are a few of my own examples from real conversations:
Me: (While standing next to a street performer posing as a statue) “I always confuse these things with real statues. Like every time. My friends always call me out on it—I just look at it like it's not even there.”
Girl: (Giggles) “Yeah, me too.”
Me: “Is this what you do for a side job? You're just admiring the craft, aren't you?”
…
“Hey, I'm really into blonde haired girls with black jackets. I'm Dave.”
“I saw you checking me out over there. I'm not a piece of meat you know.”
“Are you really drinking wine on a Saturday night? You must be having guy problems. Give me a hug.”
…
These are just a few ridiculous lines/conversations. And they all led to me getting her number and hanging out again. Most of these lines are completely absurd and don't even make sense. But the way I said these words conveyed that I was a cool guy who she should get to know.
Myth #8:
Women Won't Sleep With You the First Night
“She's just not that type of girl,” you say to yourself. “There's no way she'll go home with me tonight. I'll have to wine and dine her.” It's easy to get caught up in a girl and feel like sex is off the table—she's too smart, funny, sophisticated, etc. to go home with you tonight. As a result, you don't try to bring her home, you just get her number and aim to meet up again.
But I have news for you. The majority of women have had at least one one-night-stand. Yes, even the smart, sophisticated, career-oriented women have one-night-stands occasionally. And that's fine—guys do the same thing.
Remember this: sex is always on the table, no matter what type of girl you're talking to. If you just go for it, you'll have a lot more success than you think. (Obviously, always respect the girl's preferences/boundaries.)
Myth #9:
Women Don't Like Sex as Much as Men
I have four words for you: Fifty Shades of Grey . This book practically falls off the bookshelves into women's hands. Women eat up erotic novels. And they enjoy having sex more than they enjoy reading about it.
As hard as it is to believe, women enjoy sex, watch porn, and have a high sex drive. But our culture has a problem with “slut shaming”: the act of making women feel guilty or inferior for certain sexual behaviors, circumstances, or desires that don't match traditional expectations.
So although she likes sex just as much as you, she may not openly show it. But if you know how to cut through the bullshit, you can bring out her sexual side almost instantly. Part of that is being an open guy and accepting her and her sexuality.
Myth #10:
Only Chumps Need Dating Advice
If you believe in this myth, you'll prevent yourself from getting good with women. But it's a common one—your ego is attached to your ability with women. Many guys feel like they're too cool to get dating advice—especially if they were good with women in college.
Instead, they continue to have the same results they've always had. They do okay with women, but not great. They often settle in their relationships and always feel like something is missing.
Ask yourself this question: Are you really getting the success with women you want? Because if not, here's a harsh truth: if you don't take action and do something about it, you never will.
But if you can stop giving a fuck, drop your ego, and make this a focus in your life. The sky is the limit. You'll be able to have an abundance of beautiful women—all while the “cool guys” are getting drunk and going home alone, because they're too cool to try to improve their ability with women.
You're reading this book now, so hopefully you don't believe this myth. But if you do, I'd ask you to reconsider. I did, and my life has never been the same.
Chapter 3:
Ride the Bull: Lean into Your Fears, Destroy Your Ego, and Unleash Your Potential with Women
***
We stood in the middle of the nightclub, on the edge of the mechanical bull ring —it's the main attraction of the club. When I walked in earlier in the night, and saw girl after girl get flung from the bull, I had no plans of trying it. In fact, I was dead set against it.
I'm usually an adventurous and spontaneous guy, but this just seemed like a no-win situation. At best, I'd get on the bull and last a few minutes, and I'd look okay . At worst, I'd make a complete fool of myself, and everyone would laugh. Besides, no other guy had ridden the bull all night. I didn't want to be the trend-setter .
But as I stood there with the pretty girl I just met, I began to reconsider. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Plus, it'd be a fun way to strengthen our connection and add a bit of competition. Not to mention, she would definitely look sexy riding the bull (don't act like you've never been mesmerized by a sexy girl riding a mechanical bull). So I swallowed my pride, and went for it.
“You should ride the bull,” I said. “I bet you can't even last 30 seconds.”
“Oh yeah?! ” she said. “I bet I can last WAY longer than you.”
“No chance! Let's make a bet then. We both ride the bull, and whoever gets thrown off first has to buy the next round of drinks, and then we'll get out of here,” I wagered.
“Deal,” she said. “But only if you ride the bull first.”
“Fine,” I said. “Get your timer ready.”
At first, I was hesitant to ride the bull—it could be embarrassing. But then I remembered I'm accustomed to doing embarrassing things in front of large crowds. If I can dance to the Barbie Girl song in front of 2,000 people while wearing a dress and a tiny blue wig (ah, the beauties of pledging a college fraternity), this couldn't be so bad. And besides, most of the girls seemed to do alright riding the bull. They usually lasted over a minute.
So I said “Fuck it,” and hopped on the bull. I positioned myself in the saddle, and grabbed the rope with both hands. I looked out at the crowd, made eye contact with my girl, and smirked. I gripped tight as the operator pulled the switch to start.
I never had dreams of being in a rodeo or riding bulls professionally, but if I had, those dreams were quickly dashed.
As the bull jerked around, I lost my balance. Within 10 seconds I got thrown off the bull. It was harder than it looked. Even so, I'm pretty sure the operator juiced it up to make it harder for me. I have witnesses.
But surprisingly, I didn't feel all that embarrassed. Instead, I felt liberated and free. I'd officially done the most ridiculous thing of any guy at the club. And it was fun—exhilarating, even.
“What's my time?” I asked the girl. “10 seconds...I think I might be able to beat that,” she laughed.
She hopped on the bull (and looked much better than me). The operator pulled the switch and I started my timer. Five seconds passed—she held on tight. Ten seconds rolled by, and she officially beat my time. And then she added insult to injury.
She outlasted me by almost a minute and a half. I guess I don't have those fluid bull-riding hips. So, staying true to the bet, I bought her a drink.
“You're only a better bull rider because you're from Western Massachusetts. Typical country girl,” I joked. “You have those natural cowgirl tendencies—I was clearly overmatched from the beginning.”
“Bull-riding is pretty sick though...it's one of those beautiful things that make you feel present in the moment,” I added. She agreed.
Our adrenaline rushed. We were both amped up. “Let's get out of here,” I said. “Okay, let's do it!” she said. And we went back to my place.
***
When you're riding the bull, getting tossed around like a rag doll and hanging on for dear life, everybody is watching you—at least it feels that way. But there's a power in vulnerability. That's why it's a rush. That's why it makes you feel alive. And afterwards, you realize it wasn't embarrassing in the first place. Sometimes people laugh at you to hide their insecurities. They think, “Wow, I can't believe he's doing that. He's such a bad bull rider.”
But really, they're envious. They wonder what it's like to be in your shoes at that moment, and wish they had the guts to do the same thing. To blatantly subdue their ego, if even for mere seconds.
We've all been the envious observer at some point. It's that fleeting feeling of freedom that's so hard to grasp in this world full of cages. When someone breaks free, they're hard to ignore. And this is especially true when it comes to getting good with women.
It's easier to live vicariously through others than to put yourself on the line. You witness the result, without all the risk of embarrassment and rejection.
The majority of guys are mediocre with women (and by mediocre, I mean they don't meet their own definition of success with women, whatever that may be). This is mostly a result of what they're afraid to do .
Vast amounts of potential are wasted because of the fear of embarrassment.
Before I started actively trying to get better with women, I was a big time envious observer. I'd try to make eye contact with a girl, and I'd spend the whole night working up the courage to approach her. But usually, another guy would beat me to it.
You get a sinking feeling when another guy approaches the girl you want to talk to, especially if the interaction goes well. “That could have been me,” you think to yourself. And yes, it could have—but you let the opportunity slip.
There's countless reasons why you could be afraid to approach a girl. Fear, uncertainty, rejection, embarrassment, etc . All of these can damage your ego and make you 'look bad'.
But what if you're okay with all these potential outcomes? What if you could control your ego, feel the fear, and approach her anyway? Even if you failed, that'd still be a powerful moment, right? Instead of waiting around and hoping another guy doesn't make the move, you're the one making the move. They're looking at you, and no matter what happens, they're secretly envious of your courage.
I used to self-conscious about dancing alone. Didn’t want to be that awkward, rhythm-less white guy hopelessly dancing off beat. But at some point, I said fuck it, I’d rather just have fun.
Now, a lot of times I'll be dancing with a group of girls. Just flailing my body around like a jellyfish because I’m still not sure what I’m doing. But I let go and have fun, and the girls have fun too. I add value to their night, unlike the creepy, fun-sucking guys who try to grab the girls, pull them out of the group, and grind with them for hours while interrogating them.
Surprisingly enough, dancing around, not giving a fuck, and having fun make it pretty easy to get the girl. Freedom is an attractive quality.
But I always see guys staring in awe, like I’m doing something magical. It’s like, I’m just jellyfishing around bro, you should try it once you’re done scoping out the nightclub like a submarine captain.
Since I destroyed my ego, everything changed. I'm okay with being wrong and doing embarrassing things. Women constantly remark that I carry this vibe of freedom, because I don't have any agenda, and I just go with the flow.
As I mentioned before, your ego can derail your success with women. You'll get defensive and try to protect your ego at all costs—and you certainly won't take much advice about getting better with women, because that would be an excruciating blow to your ego.
So, how do you stop being afraid and control your ego? Start doing things that scare you. Learn to live dangerously.
Ride the mechanical bull and get thrown off in front of the whole club. Approach a girl as soon as you have the urge to talk to her, without any plan of what you'll say. Do jellyfish dances. Embrace awkwardness. DO stuff.
Because your ego will trap you if you let it. The longer you stay in your comfort zone, the more you become an envious observer. Envious observers don't get the relationships, jobs, or experiences they desire. But they watch a lot of people who do. Envious observers see the world pass them by. People who consistently face their fears make history.
Do at least one thing that scares you every day. It can be something small like saying “Hello” to a stranger, or something bigger, like skydiving. Once you build the habit of leaning into your fears, doors will open that you never knew existed. You'll become an action-taker, and unleash your potential with women.
Chapter 4:
Your Social Life is an Extension of Your Dating Life
I love going out to bars, acting ridiculous, and meeting women. There's something about the craziness of it all that just hooks me in. My adrenalin pumps, I feel like I can get any girl, and I have a blast with my friends. And to be honest, I'm pretty fucking good at it. Somehow, on most nights, I end up leaving with a pretty girl, and it's a ridiculous story. Granted, I definitely have my 'off nights' when I ask myself, “What the fuck am I doing here?” but those are few and far between.
If you're anything like me, then you love the bar scene too. Or, at least, you want to love the bar scene—you just haven't had a ton of success with it yet. But overall, you enjoy going out, and it doesn't feel like you're doing a chore to meet women.
But what if you don't love the bar scene, you hate loud music, and you'd be cool with never stepping foot into another nightclub again? Are you doomed for mediocrity with women? Will you be forced to do 'day game' and randomly (and awkwardly) run up and approach women on the sidewalk?
And even if you do like the bar scene, do you ever get frustrated because it can be tough to meet quality girls?
I have good news for you. There's more to attract women than just being able to go to the bar and bring a girl home. While you will learn how to do that in this book, it's a small piece of the puzzle.
The fact is, you might not care about the bar scene, and that's okay. And even if you do, you should have other methods for meeting women—especially quality women.
But how do you meet these quality women? The key is to make your social life an extension of your dating life. In order to meet quality women, you need to do interesting things, put yourself out there, and destroy your ego (ride the fucking bull, remember?). Luckily, all of this is easier than it sounds.
Before we get into it, though, ask yourself a few questions. Are you achieving your dating goals? If not, what strategy can help you get there? Who is your ideal type of girl, and what does she love to do? These questions will help you determine what type of social activities you can do to meet her.
Let's dive into some activities that can instantly expand your social circle and help you meet tons of beautiful, quality women. These activities have helped my friends and I meet great girls—but, they're just examples, and maybe your ideal girl has different interests. Keep that in mind, and think of activities she might be doing—and then do those fucking activities!
Even if you don't meet your type of girl through these activities, it's okay. You can still make friends with women, and women have other friends. Hot friends that they can introduce you to. If all else fails, these types of activities make you a more interesting person, and are great topics of conversation. You'll be more fascinating to women.
Salsa Dance Classes
I took salsa dance lessons the summer after I graduated. The only reason I registered is because a cute girl from my work also took dance lessons, and she encouraged me to do it. Of course, we didn't end up in the same class.
I looked and felt like a complete idiot at the beginning. After each lesson was over, we'd all go over to a salsa club and dance for a few hours. It was a great time, even if I kinda sucked and couldn't keep up.
I didn't meet any women in that class (seeing as the class was pretty much all 40+ year old women, and me), but that's probably because I took the class in a small town in Rhode Island.
However, two months later, I found myself in a conversation with a drop-dead gorgeous girl. My friends and I had just left the club and went for late night pizza—it was around 3:30am. When I walked into the pizza shop, my jaw dropped. This girl was amazing. Turns out she was a salsa dance instructor, and we ended up salsa dancing on the sidewalk. We dated for a few amazing months after that. And if I never took those six salsa lessons, it never would have happened.
It sounds ridiculous, but once you take salsa lessons, it comes up in conversation A LOT more than you think. Girls find it hilarious and cool, and you can go to salsa clubs and actually know what you're doing.
Improv Classes
I thought I'd be an improv master. I have clever one-liners for every situation, and I'm quick-witted. Improv would be easy. Hell, I'd be on Saturday Night Live in no time.
When I took improv classes last year, however, I was quickly brought down to earth. There's much more to improv than quick wit and funny one-liners. But I learned a TON, and the class was a great experience. Not to mention, the class had ten girls and two guys.
When you do improv , you kill two birds with one stone. Not only do you drastically improve your communication, but you're also forced to interact with beautiful girls. It's part of the class. And the whole time, you're in a fun, open environment with supportive, cool, and fun people.
If you're in any sizable city, I guarantee you can find an improv class. Usually, they are cheap—so go sign up for one.
I've never done CrossFit before, but a lot of my friends have. They constantly rave about it. Unfortunately, I live in Vietnam and CrossFit doesn't exist here yet. But there's a good chance there's a CrossFit class somewhere near you.
Why is it a great activity? Well, for one, you get into great shape. But you're also surrounded by women who are getting in shape too . They care about their health and body. For the most part, these are high quality women. And during a CrossFit session, you're expected to interact with the rest of the group (and these high quality women). It's a great, no pressure way to meet women, and it also makes you a more attractive man.
Social Sports
This might be one of the best ways to expand your social circle and meet beautiful women. Social sports are co-ed intramural sports for young adults. You'll play sports like dodgeball , soccer, and volleyball, and afterwards, the teams will get together and go out drinking.
These sports are literally crafted for single people in their early twenties. If you're in a big city, there will definitely be social sports available. Ask around and search on Google. Also, try Meetup.com—tons of single group meet-ups, including sports.
Social sports also give you the opportunity to meet cool guys—you'll have much more fun when you go out with a group of cool guys than by yourself or with losers. Women take stock in the quality of your friends.
These are some activities to get you started. Once you start engaging in activities like these, your social life will explode. You'll constantly meet new people and have an influx of beautiful women in your life. If you're not great at conversation now, you will get better as you do more of these activities.
There are many more activities like these—it all comes down to your dating strategy. Choose activities you enjoy, and that your ideal type of girl will enjoy.
In the next section, we'll dive deeper into how to naturally attract women. You'll be fully equipped to do these kinds of activities and also attract high quality women.
Part II:
The Fundamentals
Chapter 5:
How to Look the Part of an Attractive Man
In part one, you learned about the differences between dating in college vs. the “real world”: popular myths, why you can be more successful with women after college , how to destroy your ego, and how to make your social life an extension of your dating life. Now that you have that foundation, part two and part three will be more hands on—you're about to learn how to transform from average with women, to spectacular.
First, we'll talk about how to look the part of an attractive man. Remember, you don't need to be traditionally good looking, but you do need to look good . Your appearance conveys certain traits that women value. That's why it's crucial—because of what it signals.
As men, we usually judge the physical attractiveness of women by their physical proportions. However, a male's attractiveness is perceived mostly by his style, his grooming, his clothes, and how he presents himself .
Why? Well remember, in the “real world,” you're not part of a social hierarchy like you were in college. Your status is judged by women in the moment.
Looking good gives you more flexibility and options. Women will be more patient with you, overlook dumb mistakes or comments you make, be more attentive when you approach, and be more receptive to your advances...all based on your looks. Think of it like this: looks don't take you from A to Z with women, but they make B, C, D, E, F, and G a whole lot easier.
Luckily for us guys, it's pretty simple to look good. Yet, so many guys choose to neglect their physical appearance, or just get it wrong altogether. I'll make sure you're not one of those guys.
Looking good comes down to a few simple things that pretty much every guy is capable of. Fitness, fashion, grooming, hygiene, and body language. You probably already have a few of these things handled. But this chapter will help you handle all of them and start looking the part of an attractive man. So get off the couch and get ready.
Fitness/Health
The first step is to sign up for, and start going to, a gym. As a guy, there's really no good excuse not to go to a gym. There are plenty of cheap options (especially with $10/ month franchises like Planet Fitness). And the benefits are incredible.
You'll get into the habit of working on yourself a little bit every day. This will help you build confidence and momentum.
You don't need to be Arnold Schwarzenegger. Just go online, find a good workout routine, and start going to the gym at least 3-4 times per week.
When I first started going out and actively trying to improve my success with women, I was a scrawny dude. I still did well, but I could've done much better. Since I've made working out a part of my life, I get much more attention from women. And I'm certainly not some fitness expert either. I just follow a simple routine, and work out a few times each week.
Note: If you do want a fitness expert, I highly recommend checking out HowToBeast.com . It's run by my good friend David De Las Morenas . I used to go out with this guy in Boston, and he absolutely destroys it with women—and he's also a personal trainer. He offers tons of free fitness content on his blog, and also some best selling, low cost Amazon books.
Now let's touch quickly on health—specifically, alcohol consumption. Since college, I've limited my alcohol intake. There's definitely one or two nights every few months where I get really drunk, but it's a rare occurrence. If I drink, it'll only be one or two drinks. The result? I'm much sharper socially, I feel better, and I don't spend 2-3 days every week with a terrible hangover.
I recommend you limit your drinking as well. It'll be hard at first, but you'll quickly see the benefits. Instead of a bumbling idiot, you'll be sharper, more clever, and able to hold a solid conversation.
Fashion
Dressing well is a sign of status. Most guys don't have the first clue about good fashion, so this is a huge opportunity to gain an edge. Now, you don't need to spend a ton of money on clothing, but filling your wardrobe with the right attire will go a long way.
Here's the most important thing you need to know about fashion: fit matters. The way your clothing fits is more important than the brand and everything else.
Here are some tips on what kind of clothing to get:
A few clean, well-fitted shirts. Not too tight so you can see your pecs , but not too loose. Look for a comfortable fit with no flab. Try going down a size from what you wear now, and see how it looks.
1-2 pairs of nice jeans. I mainly wear Levis and they do the job just fine. But more expensive designer jeans are good too. Again, make sure they fit well. Don't be that guy with baggy, sloppy jeans.
Some clean, fitted dress shirts. There's often discount sales at stores like Macy's and Express. Check out stores like these—they'll have dress shirts that are specifically labeled “slim-fit”. As a general rule, always wear a dress shirt when you go out to a bar/nightclub—even if most of the guys are wearing T-shirts. It's better to be overdressed than underdressed.
Nice dress shoes. Women notice your shoes, even if you think they don't. For more casual events, boat shoes (like Sperry's) will do the trick. I live in Vietnam, and it's hot as hell all the time out here, so boat shoes give me room to breath. They're a great summer option. But when I go to nice nightclubs and bars, I still generally wear dress shoes. You can find a good pair for around $75-$100—make the investment.
Custom fit suit. The difference between a regular suit and a custom fit suit is like the difference between taking a girl to Taco Bell and a 5-star restaurant. And the custom fit suit will only cost you an extra $100 or so. If you wear suits, this is a must-have.
Grooming/Hairstyle
Here's a simple trick for a great hairstyle: find a picture of a soccer player on Google, go to a good hairstylist, show them the picture, and let them get to work. This might cost you $30-$40, but it will be well worth it.
Once you get the haircut from the stylist, take a picture on your phone. Then, the next time you need a haircut, go to a cheaper option, like Supercuts or a local barber shop . They can go off the picture and give you the same look for less money.
In terms of facial hair, figure out what works best for you. I've found that my best look is a short, trimmed beard. I trim it every few days and don't let it get shaggy.
But maybe you look better clean-shaven, or with a big beard. Try some different grooming styles and ask your friends for their honest opinion on what looks best. But whatever you decide to do, make sure you maintain the facial hair. Women will notice.
Hygiene
You ever have that friend who smells like BO all the time? Don't be that guy. A little cologne and a shower go a long way.
Make it a point to ALWAYS shower before you go out, and splash on some cologne and deodorant. Women will find you more pleasant and they won't be repelled by your scent. Because if you smell like BO, it will be a deal-breaker for most women (rightfully so).
Body Language
Body language is easy to fix with some conscious effort (and back to fitness, a good lifting routine will help this tremendously). Straighten up your back, put your shoulders back, hold your head up, and look straight ahead while you walk. RELAX!
Here are some other keys to body language:
Movement. Don't fidget or jerk around. Confident men make controlled movements. When you slow down your movements, you signal that you're comfortable with yourself.
Standing . Again, it's important to be in control here. Here's what I do, almost every time I approach a girl. I put my left foot forward, and lean back on my right foot. If the environment is loud, I'll lean in slightly and talk in her ear, and then bounce back out to my original standing position. But I'm always calm and my movements are slow.
Be spacious. Take up as much space as possible. When you're sitting down, lean back and kick your legs out. When you take up a lot of space, it's a territorial signal that you're the alpha male in the room and you're the most laid back and fun.
Walking. As I mentioned before, pick your head up and look straight ahead while you walk. Also, stick your chest out and keep your shoulders back. This signals confidence. You won't see Brad Pitt or George Clooney walking around slouched.
Indifference. Be calm and don't express too much emotion at any given time. For example, if a girl shrugs off your approach, don't slouch over and walk away. Brush it off and keep your head held high.
There you have it. If you can follow this 5-step guide, you'll significantly improve your appearance—and you'll be more attractive to women as a result.
Looking good is the baseline for attractiveness. But, it's only the baseline. To naturally attract the women you want into your life, you need the whole package. You need to compliment your appearance with the vibe of an attractive man.
Chapter 6:
Developing the Natural
Vibe
The Key to Naturally Attract Women
You ever have that friend who always seems to get the beautiful girl? No matter the situation, women are drawn to him. But he doesn't seem to do anything special or different—he's just kind of there , and the ladies flock to him. He probably has some crazy story about losing his virginity to his hot, older babysitter when he was fourteen. He's never had a problem with women.
I used to be so fucking jealous of this guy.
What do women see in these natural guys ? Well, it's not so much what they see in him—it'show they feel around him.
A girl can tell what type of guy you are...before you even say a word. She knows if you're confident and cool, or nervous and creepy. And it goes much deeper than just your physical appearance.
It's all about your vibe.
Your vibe is the energy you give off. This energy changes from situation to situation. It's unconscious and difficult to control, but other people (especially women) can pick up on it.
A strong vibe conveys you're a confident, sex-worthy man. As a welcomed side effect, it also makes women swoon.
That's why thosenaturals seem to effortlessly attract women, even though they appear to be average guys. In truth, women just feel different around them.
The bad news? Your vibe was mostly formed in your childhood and adolescence, while you were on your journey to manhood—so it's difficult to change. That's why you don't hear much about it.
The good news? There's still a lot you CAN do to change your vibe. Vibe is the reason why you don't need to be traditionally good looking to have success with women. Us average looking guys can have a HUGE impact on our results by cultivating our vibe.
This is also why your ego gets in the way. If you identify yourself by the amount and quality of women you sleep with, it destroys your vibe. It hints to women that you don't actually care about them—just the validation they can provide you. It's a selfish, creepy vibe—it's clear you want something from them.
In my early years of college, I gave off a creepy vibe. In fact, at one point during freshman year, I was labeled 'creepy' by a whole sorority (pretty devastating, right?). When I joined my fraternity, I had only slept with one girl. I was embarrassed , and I wanted to sleep with as many girls as possible to feel cooler (man, I was a tool).
My vibe was off point, and I was in it for the wrong reasons. But I've gone a long way towards changing that vibe. Now, I come across in a way that women respond to—they find me more attractive, and it's been a long time since I've been labeled 'creepy'.
What's Your Current Vibe?
Before you change your vibe, you need to understand your current vibe. Since your vibe changes with different people, you may already have a vibe that's attractive. So ask your family and friends (and even ex-girlfriends, if you're on good terms) to tell you what they think of your vibe. How do you come across? What aura do you emanate?
It will give you a ton of insight. You might realize that the way you think you come across is drastically different than how you actually come across. While this is an uncomfortable realization, it's a necessary one to get to the next level and improve your life.
How to Change Your Vibe
Once you understand your current vibe, and you decide that you do, indeed, want to change or tweak it, what are the next steps? You need to start from the foundation. How do you do that? You need to internalize the fundamental beliefs of an attractive man. And that's what we'll talk about next.
Chapter 7:
The Fundamental Beliefs of an Attractive Man
Women are a Part of My Journey—Not My Destination
Or, the fun comes first , girls come second .
When I was a kid, I swore great men only did great things so they could get laid. I thought Edison was like, “Bro, once I figure out this whole light bulb thing, I’ll get more hoes than a gardener. The ladies will be SWOONING!”…Edison—just so gangster.
I never met Edison, but I’m willing to bet his motives were a little more…refined.
Like many successful men, he had an overarching purpose that drove him to persist through thousands of failures—and transform his vision into reality. He didn’t cling to his phonograph, waiting for the cute girl from the saloon to call him back.
Women are attracted to men with purpose; a driving goal, propelling them forward despite the obstacles. Men with purpose don’t depend on the approval of anybody.
Purpose makes women less important to you, on an individual basis. And women love this. Most women are drawn to men who are least impressed with them (as long as these men still appreciate them). Women want men with purpose, even though they know these men are more distracted than men without purpose.
This is a reason why conventional “nice guys” finish last. They do everything to make women happy. They don’t have a purpose, so they make women their purpose. Their lives revolve around their girlfriends and wives. But women don’t want to be the center of a man’s life. They want to join forces with a man of purpose--men who center their lives on something more meaningful than one woman.
So how do you develop the belief that women are part of your journey, and not your destination?
You can’t fake it. You have to be a man of purpose. Find something you love, and immerse yourself in it. Give it a priority in your life and don’t let anything stop you. When you have a clear ambition—an unwavering goal—beautiful women can’t help but be attracted to you.
Ask yourself, what sets you on fire? What do you have to do before you die, so that your life is worth living? Maybe it's traveling, performing, speaking, innovating, or something else.
For me, that meant quitting my 9-5 job and committing myself to entrepreneurship and world travel. For the last few years, I've had a kind of unwavering laser vision on my goals. Women come along, and it's nice, but I never let it distract me from my goals.
In fact, I faced this dilemma head on just a few months ago.
***
From the moment I met her, I knew I’d have to say goodbye. But I didn’t know it’d be the toughest goodbye of my life.
…
I turned to my friend. “DUDE. That’s the girl. I don’t know what it is, but there’s something about her. I need to talk to her.”
She strolled by us at the bar. She was my type--tall, long dirty blonde hair, beautiful--but it wasn't just that. There was an aura about her. It sounds crazy, but in that moment, I could see this whole amazing future between me and her .
I bee-lined towards her and said the first thing that came to mind. "Hey."
"Uhh , hi," she said.
"What's up?" I asked.
"Just got here. Hanging out," she uttered. She seemed disinterested and the conversation stalled.
I felt off my game. I excused myself to get a drink, but I wasn't giving up yet. Not with this girl.
Minutes later, my friend got in a scuffle and was kicked out of the bar. I had a choice: meet my friend outside and bounce to another bar, or stick around and try to talk to the girl again.
Usually, I'd forget about the girl and meet with my friend. But this time, I just couldn't bring myself to leave. My intuition pushed me towards her.
I had to see about a girl.
I caught a glimpse of her on the dance floor, and walked over. I did a funny dance move, made eye contact with her, smiled, grabbed her hand, and spun her. This time, she was more receptive.
We faced each other, and we smiled. But it wasn't a typical smile. It was the type of smile you make when you're completely fulfilled by the presence of another person. Like everything in that moment is perfect.
“I'm Dave,” I said.
“I'm Natalie.”
We danced for nearly two hours, and every second was amazing. Everything about it felt...right.
There was just one problem. I was leaving for Vietnam in a month and a half—and I had already bought my plane ticket.
…
I always told my friends I'd never date a girl until I was in my late 20s. And I think I really believed it, too. I felt like I’d be missing out if I dated one girl.
But from the second I saw Natalie, none of that mattered. And as I got to know her, my intuition proved correct. She embodied everything I valued in a woman. She was entrepreneurial-minded, ambitious, brilliant, gorgeous, and a total badass. She wasn't afraid to call me out on my bullshit. Most of all, I just felt better around her—in every way.
And when I was with her, I never felt like I was missing out on other girls. I just wanted to learn more about her and go on adventures with her. That was a million times more exciting than empty sex with a bunch of random girls.
In that short time, we developed an amazing connection. Part of me wanted to skip my flight, stay in the USA, and pursue a relationship with her. Hell, I REALLY liked this girl—maybe more than any girl I've ever met.
But I knew—and so did she—that I had a path to follow. If I abandoned my path for her, neither of us would be happy.
On my last night before leaving, we sat down on a bench by the Charles River. She laid across the wooden bench and rested her head on my lap. “I’m glad we did this. I mean, I’m glad we met. This past month and a half has been amazing,” I said.
Natalie smiled. “Yes. Yes it has." I stroked my hand through her hair. “Remember when we were on my rooftop, overlooking Boston, and I told you, ‘I know I’m only here for a month and a half, but I just want to go on a ton of adventures with you,'?”
She gazed up at me. “Tell me about our adventures.”
I laughed. She looked so damn cute when she said it. “Well, we went jogging, and I ALMOST lasted three miles. The water slides and mini road trip to Hampton beach. Hiking on the Islands. Biking through Boston and almost wiping out. Random dancing to blues music. Panda bears.”
We both smiled. Our short time together had truly been amazing—and I hated that I had to leave her. Then, I remembered an aphorism from one of my favorite books,The Alchemist . I searched for the quote, brought it up on my phone, and showed it to her.
"You must understand that love never keeps a man from pursuing his Personal Legend. If he abandons that pursuit, it's because it wasn't true love . . . the love that speaks the Language of the World."
“You're a jackass,” she laughed.
“Girl, I'm coming for you after I pursue my personal legend,” I said, grinning.
The morning came, and we said our final goodbye.
I've thought about her every day since, but I remain focused on my goals—building a business, pursuing my dreams, and living my personal legend.
***
Women can sense when you're on your journey and you have a purpose. Most guys live lives of quiet desperation. They hate their jobs and just kind of “go with the flow” of society, never breaking out on their own. So when they meet a guy who breaks the norm, and is willing to take risks and go for what he wants in life, they're drawn to him.
Be the guy who breaks the norm. And don't do it because it'll make you better with women. Do it for yourself, because you have to do it, because you'll regret it more than anything if you don't. And never abandon your path for anyone.
I Am Comfortable in the World of Women
Or, ya’ll can chill on Mars. I’ll be on Venus with the sexy women.
Does the thought of approaching a woman while sober scare the living crap out of you? You’re not alone.
Most men are uncomfortable in the world of women. They’re afraid to say the wrong thing, or make the wrong move.
But you have more in common with the opposite sex than you think. Women like fun, adventure, and excitement. There’s a good chance you do too.
How do you become comfortable in the world of women? Think of it this way: every conversation is like an inside joke between you and the girl. You’re the cool guy she can introduce to her friends, without being embarrassed.
Imagine the “cool kid” party in high school. If you act uncomfortable, like you don’t belong, the cool kids treat you that way, and pretty much ignore you. But if you act chill, like it’s no big deal, then you’re part of the crew.
The world of women is a lot like the “cool kid” party. A lot of guys come across as the losers, trying to get in on the party.
Instead, walk in like you fucking own the place. It’s your party, and she’s just along for the ride. So few guys are really comfortable in the world of women—so when she meets one, it’s like, “Okay, let’s do this.
You are comfortable in the world of women. Repeat this to yourself, every day until you believe it. When you see a beautiful woman, you know she’s waiting for a fun guy like you to approach her.
Another way to get comfortable in the world of women and ingrain this belief is to actually put yourself in a position to interact with a lot of women. When you make your social life an extension of your dating life, as we discussed in chapter four, you'll have constant opportunities to be around high quality women. Put yourself in these situations as often as possible.
I Am Enough
Or, I don’t need women to validate me.
Think of dating/picking up your dream girl. What excites you more? Experiencing her beauty, personality, and passion? Or bragging to your friends about getting such a ‘hottie ’?
Unfortunately, for most men, it’s the latter. I used to be one of those men.
My shallow motives ruined my vibe. I was less interested in her, and more concerned with how she’d boost my reputation. If I slept with her, I’d have proof I was cool (in reality, no one cared).
The result? Lots of empty (and often bad) sex, and a gigantic ego. In fact, I ran into this issue just a few months ago. Here's how it went down...
[Do you like her? Or just the idea of her?]
“There goes mother hen,” my friend jokes, as the hottest girl in the bar leads her group of friends by us.
She looks like Zooey Deschanel …with an edge. Long black hair, light blue eyes, and a devious smile. Beautiful, vicious, and enticing, all at the same time.
I have to meet her.
My friend starts a conversation with the girls beside us—they’re okay. As I play wingman, I glimpse at—let’s call her “Zoe”—from the corner of my eye.
When I see a beautiful girl at the bar, I don’t wait around.
“I’ll be right back. Need to run to the bathroom,” I fib to the okay girl. I have no plans to reengage this bland conversation.
I circle the bar and enter from the other side of the dance floor. There is Zoe, surrounded by her girlfriends.
“This is my favorite song!” I shout, grinning, as Backstreet Boys music blasts from the speakers. I fucking love 90s night.
She laughs. I raise my glass to her group of friends and we “cheers.” Sometimes you have an instant connection with a girl. You know you’re going to take her home before the night ends…if you have the balls to go for it, at least.
This is one of those times.
We dance, kiss, and joke for an hour, then we cool down by the bar. “You wanna get outta here?” I ask.
“Sure,” Zoe says.
…
We burst into her bedroom. I throw her down on the bed and we rip each other's clothes off. We go at it once, twice, three times. Zoe can fucking work it.
We lay there, exhausted, in the dim hours of the early morning. It’s one of those memorable nights. Crazy, amazing, fulfilling—just everything you want from an adventurous night out.
…
As we awake, I look over, and Zoe is still gorgeous. Yup , still looks weirdly identical to Zooey Deschanel . I drop her off at work and kiss her goodbye. “Let’s hang out next week. I’ll text you,” I say.
“Yeah for sure, I had a great time,” she says, and walks off.
I drive home, feeling content, with memories of the previous night swirling through my head.
…
I text her later that day. “Hey girl. Had a great time hanging out/jamming to Backstreet Boys with you. Have a good day at work.”
No answer.
Throughout the day, I worry. “What did I do wrong?” I ask myself. Thoughts like, “Am I not good enough?” cross my mind. I have a feeling she won’t answer.
And that’s when it hits me…
Something feels complete with this girl. Not in a soul-mate sort of way, not at all. When I say complete, I mean, that’s all there needs to be. I had this feeling throughout the night, but ignored it. One night of crazy sex and a fun connection. That one memory. That’s all there needs to be, and nothing more.
I don’t care if I see this girl again. Yes, she is cool. Yes, she is sexy.
But I realize this: I don’t actually like her. I like the idea of her.
I’m more concerned with the validation she could give me than actually hanging out again.
The sex is good, but the connection isn’t as deep as with other girls. I’m just overthinking it because of her hotness. I catch myself in scarcity mode.
I have a rule when it comes to everything in my life. It’s either FUCK YES, or no. And she is not a “Fuck YES”. More like an “Ehh . Pretty good.” She probably feels the same way about me.
Sometimes it’s only supposed to last a night, and that’s cool. Those nights are great. I’ll be real with you: if I had an opportunity for another night like this with Zoe, I’d take it in a heartbeat. But it’s not going to happen, and I’m cool with that too. Because there are plenty of other girls who are a “Fuck YES.”
So, do you like her? Or just the idea of her?
It’s easy to confuse the two. But there’s a BIG difference.
If you actually like her, you fight for her. When asked how you feel about her, you know immediately. You feel it in your gut. Butterflies for days.
If you like the idea of her, you don’t get as excited about hanging out with her. You like the validation she provides. You enjoy the thought of having her as a “back up,” in case you don’t find a better girl that night. The idea of bringing her along because she’s hot, and it’ll make you look good.
If you like the idea of her, you might sacrifice your values to stay with her. If you like the idea of her, you endure a stale relationship even though the connection has faded. And you do a disservice to both you and her. So step back and ask yourself this question the next time you’re confused about a girl. Because, more often than not, you like the idea of her more than you like the girl herself.
And if that’s the case, it’s time to let her go.
…
The need for validation will destroy you if you let it. Hell, for the first 20-something years of my life, it almost destroyed me multiple times. It certainly didn't make me look good.
When I adapted the “I am enough” mindset, everything changed. I didn't care about validation any longer. At least, I minimized my need for it.
Women know when you have an ulterior motive. You convey a threatening vibe—you’re out to get something. Your intent is unclear and you have emotional baggage.
When you believe you are ‘enough,’ you don’t need validation. Instead of relying on outside sources for happiness, you depend on yourself.
It’s a powerful mantra that accelerates your success with women—and in life.
Internalizing the Beliefs
Internalize these beliefs, and you’ll convey an incredibly attractive vibe. Women will check you out, and some will even approach you.
I used to go out to ‘pick up’ women. My nights depended on it. It was a shallow experience.
Now when I go out, fun is my priority, and I don't have an agenda. Women are a part of the night, but not the end goal. I dance around, 'cheers' random people, and make funny observations.
I usually get several inviting stares. You know, that “come talk to me” gaze.
I never got these gazes before—now it happens all the time. I promise I didn’t get any sexier (ladies, feel free to object).
As I backed up these fundamental beliefs with real-world evidence, my perception shifted. And my reality followed suit. Women gravitate toward attractive men. And it's more than just their physical appearance.
Here’s the thing: beliefs, without evidence, don’t hold their power for long. If you don’t reinforce them with reference-experiences—real-life proof—you’ll revert back to your old beliefs.
But as you gather reference experiences, you’ll go from believing to knowing.
Now that you have a solid foundation, let’s talk about how to approach and interact with beautiful women and build these experiences.
And soon enough, you'll have everything you need to master your vibe.
Chapter 8:
The Power of Intent
***
For ten months, I worked as a marketer for a windows and roofing company. Sometimes I'd sell door-to-door, and sometimes I'd be in a wholesale store and pitch shoppers from the home improvement kiosk. In the wholesale store, I had to wear a shirt, tie, dress pants, and a red apron.
I loved working from the wholesale store kiosk, because I could be completely ridiculous. Plus, my red apron game was on point. My job was to convince shoppers to sign up for free estimates on windows or roofing products. Since the kiosk was located next to the store exit, people generally wanted to rush by me because they were on their way out. So, to 'pitch' them, I needed to be creative.
Naturally, I treated every work day as my own little improv comedy show—and an opportunity to flirt with sexy older women. They loved me. The motivation to sell paired with the motivation for sex made for a powerful combination.
I'd make piercing eye contact and smile as a woman walked towards me. Then, I'd quickly rattle off a joke about something in her shopping carriage.
“Miss, I LOVE Wheaties, too. Breakfast of champions. You're about to be the champion of my heart today—but first, I have a quick question. You ready for it?”
She'd laugh, “Sure, go for it!”
I'd put my hand on her carriage, grin, and ask the set-up question slowly, almost hypnotically: “If you could make a change to your house, what would you do first—your windows or your roof?”
Even though this is a very neutral question, my eye contact, body language, tone of voice, and smile conveyed a much different message. I might as well have been saying, “I know I can fuck you like you haven't been fucked in years, and you'll love it.”
Not only did it flatter and intrigue sexy older women, but it often turned them on. Each day, I usually had a few older women offer their number and ask me out, and tons more flirt with me.
But there's one who really stood out...
On this particular day, I hadn't set up any estimates yet. And I'd probably been rejected by at least a hundred shoppers. I slouched on the kiosk and looked around.
A few people stood in line at the Subway shop across the aisle, all anxious to indulge in a notoriously fresh Subway meal. As I looked towards the end of the line, a woman caught my eye.
She had short, dirty blonde hair, a gorgeous face, and toned body. At first glance, I thought she was in her mid-twenties.
Now, let me say—over the past few years, I've developed an intuition about the women I approach. With some women, I can sense that we'll have an amazing connection. Maybe it's confirmation bias, I don't know—but the feeling is right about 90% of the time (I think that, as you get better with women, your intuition gets stronger). There are certain women I am drawn to, and I have no choice but to approach them. I know I'll miss out on an amazing connection if I hesitate.
I had a strong intuition about this woman.
She turned towards me, and as soon as we made eye contact, it was ON. We both smiled. I motioned her over to the kiosk. She was hesitant at first, but she walked over.
“What's up?” she asked, intrigued.
Holy shit, she was even more beautiful than I thought. I stepped closer, until we were barely a foot apart.
“So, I'm supposed to ask you about whether you'd rather make a change to your windows or roof. But that's not why I called you over here,” I laughed.
“Oh yeah?” she asked.
“Yeah. I'll cut the bullshit. I really just think you're the sexiest woman I've seen in the store, and I had to talk to you. Plus, I couldn't pass up the chance to chat with a fellow Subway connoisseur.”
“Oh wow. Thank you. You're not so bad yourself,” she grinned.
“Listen, I can't openly hit on you for too long, you'll get me in trouble, girl. But we should continue this conversation soon. Give me your number, and we'll get a drink next week—maybe even some late-night Subway if you're lucky,” I said.
I handed her my phone. “I can't believe this is happening,” she chuckled, and then typed in her number.
“I have to get back to work, girl. I'll text you and we'll get a drink next week. For now, give me a secret hug because we're rebels.”
She smiled, “Okay, drinks next week,” and we shared a comical little secret hug by the kiosk.
I was 22 at the time—she was 29. We hung out for the next few months, and we had the most mind-blowing sex of my life. The funny part? We both knew this would happen from the moment she walked over to me.
There's a reason why my approach worked—and why I instantly attracted so many women from my little kiosk. Although it's a simple concept, most guys never understand it—so they suffer through many awkward, confusing interactions.
But once you figure it out, you'll be able to instantly attract women and you'll never be labeled as 'just a friend'.
We'll dive into the concept in a minute. First, you need to understand why most men are afraid to approach women—and how to shift your perspective, so you can work through this fear.
***
Shift Your Perspective
What happens when you see a woman you want to talk to? Do you approach her, or hesitate and wait for the right moment? Do you avoid her altogether, and rationalize your behavior with an excuse?
Most guys do the latter—they feel like it's just too risky to approach her. She could reject you and damage your ego. Or maybe, she'll respond well, but then you'll run out of things to talk about.
In the moment, these fears are perfectly reasonable. You don't want to embarrass yourself or get stuck in an awkward interaction. It's easier and more comfortable for you to do nothing than to take action. The risk of rejection and embarrassment doesn't feel worth it.
You need to shift your perspective, and adjust your understanding of risk—so that it'smore risky not to approach her.
Sure, she can reject you and maybe you'll do something embarrassing. You might have an awkward interaction with a woman you'll probably never see again. But in a minute or two, nobody will remember what happened. Does it still sound like a huge risk?
Now compare it to this: what if you're bound to have an amazing connection—and as long as you approach her, this one conversation will lead to a fulfilling relationship, and/or months of amazing sex with a beautiful woman? How great would that be? But if you don't approach her, that exciting future will be erased.
Let's analyze the risks again. If you approach her, you risk a few moments of embarrassment and awkwardness. But if you do nothing, you risk missing out on an amazing connection and incredible sex with a woman you're attracted to.
With this perspective, it's more risky for you to do nothing than to approach her.
Next time you see an attractive woman and you're hesitant to approach her, remember to shift your perspective. Instead of the risk of rejection, focus on the risk of missing out on an amazing girl. Use it to propel you forward.
While you can't eliminate the fear of approaching, this shift in perspective will help you push through the fear, and you'll meet many more amazing women as a result.
Convey Your Intent
Now you understand the stakes. You're willing to shift your perspective and start approaching more women. But how exactly do you approach? Well, remember the concept I mentioned a few pages ago—the reason why I instantly attracted so many women from the kiosk? That concept is KEY when approaching women. Put simply, you need to understand and convey your intent.
When I saw an attractive woman walking towards me, I snapped into a sexual state. I was sexually attracted to her, and I sub-communicated my sexual interest. By conveying that intent, I signaled that I was a confident, assertive guy and that I saw myself as a potential sexual partner.
So then, what's the secret—how do you convey your intent? The key is to understand why you want to approach her in the first place, and bring that feeling to the forefront of the interaction.
Here's the thing, though. The average guy doesn't truly understand why he wants to approach a woman. On the surface, he feels like he wants to talk to her because she's attractive. But often, he's in it for other reasons.
Usually, he's vying for validation. He wants the woman's approval so he can feel better about himself—or, even worse, he wants the woman's approval so he can earn the respect of his friends. After all, he'd look really cool if he could pick up that smoking hot blonde.
His intent is unclear. He's not interested in experiencing the woman for who she is—he's in it for the validation. And his behavior follows suit. She can feel that he has an ulterior motive. I've fallen into this common trap many times, and there's a good chance you have too.
So how can you avoid this? Your “Why?” needs to be centered around the woman. What is it that you like about her? How great would it be to make a connection with her and have wild sex all night?
When you focus your “Why?” on the woman, instead of the potential validation she can provide, you no longer have an ulterior motive. She isn't a means to an end. Now, you approach her because you think she is attractive, or there's something you like about her. You want to make a connection, have sex, and/or possibly move things further. This is your intent .
When you bring this intent to the forefront of the interaction, you'll start to discover that you're better with women than you thought. You'll begin to say the right things, make her laugh, build sexual tension, and naturally attract her.
You already inherently understand how to do most of these things—but you've been clouded by the bullshit of social conditioning. This will help you cut through the bullshit.
You might struggle at first to understand and convey your intent. That's okay , it takes practice . Just remember to focus on the WHY behind your desire to approach a woman. And realize this: when you can convey your intent from the beginning, you'll never be 'friend-zoned'. You'll make it clear that you're a sexual, masculine man early in the interaction (AKA, you have a dick and you're not afraid to use it).
You might be wondering what it looks like to convey your intent—or, more specifically, what you should do when you approach a woman. We'll talk about that next.
Chapter 9:
Approaching Like a Boss
Eight seconds. That's about how long it takes a woman to decide if she's willing to sleep with you or not. Of course, you can work through a bad first impression, but it's frustrating. Ideally, you'll start off on the right foot and get her interested.
Let's break down how to make that great impression and intrigue her within the first few seconds.
Make Eye Contact
Have you ever made eye contact with a beautiful woman from across the room? It's powerful, right? It's something so simple, yet it can spark a connection from nothing—eye contact is crucial when you interact with women. Great eye contact demands attention and conveys the power of whatever emotion you're feeling. It can instantly turn a woman on and intensify the situation.
You can use piercing eye contact to build a deep connection and sexual arousal.
If you can make eye contact before you approach her, even better. Just make sure to approach her within a few seconds of the eye contact or you'll seem indecisive.
As a general rule, it's best to look directly at the bridge of her nose, right between her eyes. Either that, or focus on her right eye—this is more aggressive, and can be sexually inviting if she's comfortable with you. Avoid focusing on her left eye—this makes you seem uncertain, and may get you labeled as “creepy.”
When you look at her, you want her to feel like she's the only person in the room. You don't even notice other things happening in the environment around you. This signals that you're confident and committed to whatever you're doing and whomever you're speaking to. You're not distracted—you know what you want, and you're going for it.
Here are some other general eye contact rules:
-Don't break eye contact more than she does (unless you're the one talking)
-Avoid looking down
-Don't be shifty—avoid gazing back and forth from one eye to the other
Eye contact will be CRUCIAL to your success. As you get more comfortable with it, you'll be able to consistently make eye contact before you approach a woman—so that when you do talk to her, she's already interested and intrigued.
Smile
Nobody likes the 'tough guy'. God gave you those pearly whites for a reason. Show them off.
It's best to give a slight grin. This conveys that you're a playful, fun, confident guy. If you want an example of this, check out Ryan Gosling in the movie Crazy, Stupid, Love (or really any of his movies, he's pretty good at this).
Initiate the Interaction
There's a few ways you can do this—direct, situational, funny/ridiculous, and casual.
When you go direct, you state your intentions and tell her you think she's beautiful/cute/sexy. It’s not a pickup line; you don't say it to get some sort of reaction out of her. You state it confidently as a man. Clarity of intent exudes confidence. You're a man who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to go after it.
Here's an example: “Hey girl, I know this is really random, but I saw you walking by and I think you're cute. I had to say something to you. I'm [your name].”
With situational, you mention something about the girl or the environment. You can combine this with something funny and ridiculous. Let's say you see an attractive blonde girl with a blue dress on. You can say, “Hey girl, I'm really into blonde-haired girls with blue dresses. I'm [your name].” Just by stating a simple observation, you can make her laugh and convey your interest.
Physical Touch
Make physical contact with her as soon as possible. The quicker you touch her, the quicker you establish yourself as a sexual man. A simple way you can do this is to lightly tap her arm with the back of your hand. As the conversation flows, you can physically escalate—grab her hand and spin her around, put your hand on her hips, pick her up, hug her, etc. In a nightclub environment, you'll want to physically escalate quickly. However, during the daytime or a more casual meet-up, take it slow...unless the connection is really strong.
Use “Down-Talk”
You might get nervous when you speak to an attractive woman. That's okay—it's a good thing. It means that you are stepping out of your comfort zone and growing.
But when you get nervous, your voice gets higher pitched—and it's an instant turn-off for women. You can have the absolute best line in the world, but if you sound like Pee Wee Herman, she's not going to respond.
Most people speak from their throat. Learn to speak with your chest and deepen your voice. Volume and tonality are extremely important.
Practice speaking from your chest and projecting your voice. I call this ‘down-talk.’ When you speak with confidence, you make a great first impression. Why? It conveys that you're comfortable around women, and they will feel comfortable around you as a result.
Talk Slowly
When you speed through conversation and talk at a fast pace, it signals that you're nervous and unconfident. Instead, take a deep breath, relax, and embrace the moment.
It’s better to talk too slow than too fast. So, talk slower than you think you should be talking, and then talk even slower. People will start to pay more attention to you and hang on your words. Women will love it too.
If you can do these six things in the first few seconds, you'll automatically make a great impression. And it's simpler than it sounds—just make eye contact, smile, say or do something, and speak slowly with a masculine tone of voice.
So now you know that you need to convey your intent, and you understand how to make a great impression in the first few seconds. But, once you've approached the girl, what's next?
We'll tackle this in the next chapter.
Chapter 10:
The Charming Conversationalist
You see the beautiful girl. You swallow your pride, walk up to her, follow the advice from the last chapter, and make a great first impression. She responds well.
Yes, that sexy girl is intrigued by you . But in order to build a connection, you need more than just a solid approach. If you don't carry the same energy and intent into the rest of the conversation, she'll lose interest.
It's not as complicated as it may seem though. She's rooting for you. She wants to have a fun interaction with a cool guy—and you're that cool guy. Now, you just have to deliver.
Here's how to do it:
The Question/Statement Balance
Have you heard of 'interview mode'? It's when a guy starts rattling off question after question to a girl, like he's interviewing her.
He runs out of things to say, and he gets lost in small talk. So he let's loose with all the old classics...
“What's your name?” “Where are you from?” “What do you do?” “What school did you go to?” etc. etc.
She's had this conversation millions of times. It's boring. And remember: this isn't college anymore. You don't have the same baseline of trust with women that you did back in school. If you rattle off boring, interview mode questions, women will wonder, “who is this guy, and why does he want to know my life story?! ”
But, if you want to build a connection, it helps to know these things about a woman, right? So you need a way to learn more about her and infuse excitement into your small talk.
Behold: the power of statements. You can turn almost any question into a statement, and tease the girl in the process.
Here are some boring small talk questions you can replace with statements:
Question: “Where are you from?”
Statement: “You look like a Jersey girl. ”
Question: “What do you do for work?”
Statement: “Okay. Let me guess—you're an accountant. I can totally see you crunching numbers all day.”
Question: “What's your name?”
Statement: “You look like a Susanna. Just have that old school, southern belle vibe.”
With statements, you make a guess about the girl, and she gets curious about your guess. She wants to know why you think she's a Jersey girl or an accountant. And this presents the perfect opportunity for you to tease her. You learn more about each other, have fun, and avoid entering the dreaded interview mode.
Think of some more common questions you'd ask a girl, and write them down. Then, write some possible fun statements that you can make instead. Get into the habit of thinking, “How can I turn this question into a statement?”
Statements work because they help you get past small talk—and this is crucial, because small talk only serves one purpose: it's a jumping off point into getting to know each other. The longer you remain in small talk, the more social pressure builds, and the more awkward it gets.
Here's an example of a typical small talk conversation. You've probably had a similar conversation at some point.
“Where are you from?” you ask.
“I grew up in New York and moved here after college. You?” she says.
“I'm from Rhode Island.”
“Oh cool,” she says. “What do you do?”
“I'm a lawyer,” you reply. “I work at the courthouse downtown. How about you?”
“I work at the entrepreneurship center at the state university,” she tells you.
“Nice,” you respond. After a short, uncomfortable pause, you ask , “So, how do you like working in the entrepreneurship center?”
“It's great. I love working with students. What about you, how do you like being a lawyer?” she asks.
“It's okay. Gets boring at times, but it pays the bills,” you say. She laughs politely, and then there's another awkward pause—this one, longer than the first.
“Well, I should go find my friends,” she says. “It was fun meeting you.”
“Nice to meet you too,” you say.
Could you feel the social pressure ramping up? You never got past small talk, and the conversation died out. It got more and more awkward until one of you had to leave.
You both missed opportunities to have a real conversation and genuinely get to know each other. The conversation remained superficial. Even if you both like each other at the outset, this kind of conversation will destroy any chance for a good connection.
In order to get past the small talk, you need to make statements, and balance those statements with the right questions. You must listen carefully and relate to her, so you both can reveal more meaningful information and you can actually get to know her . Here's an example of how the above conversation could have gone differently:
“You look like you're from Jersey,” you grin.
“Why do you think I'm from Jersey!? ” she laughs.
“You just give off that Jersey vibe. I'm starting to feel more guido just talking to you.”
“Hahah no!” she says. “You're ridiculous! I'm from New York. What about you?”
“I'm from Rhode Island, the Ocean State. Mermaids everywhere. I love New York though. I've had some crazy adventures there. What made you leave there for Boston?”
“I went to college in Rhode Island!” she says. “But I fell in love with New England, and then I got a job offer at the university entrepreneurship center after I graduated. Couldn't pass it up.”
“Haha me too, what school did you go to?! And I'm really passionate about entrepreneurship. I feel like that's the only way to make your mark on the world!” you reply.
“I feel the same way! And I love working with the students and helping them with their businesses...”
Do you see how this conversation is different? Instead of rattling off interview mode questions on autopilot, you make statements, and then relate to her answers. The conversation turns from boring and predictable to fun and exciting.
Here are some other examples of questions that help you relate to her and build a connection (notice how these aren't just yes or no questions. These questions require a more thought out response):
- “What do you like about that?”
- “Why did you decide to do XYZ?”
- “What's your most epic story from XYZ?”
- “If you could do anything else, what would it be?”
- “How was it growing up there?”
When you listen, relate, make statements, and ask questions like these, you'll break conversations out of autopilot and build great connections. Women will feel like you know them well, even if you've only talked for a few minutes.
Be Unfiltered (And Never Run Out of Things to Say Again)
There will be times when you're at a loss for words, even if you listen and relate to her.
Whether you're at a loss for words, or you just want to make the conversation more fun and move it to the next level, being unfiltered is key.
If you can master this concept, you'll never run out of things to say again. You'll avoid awkward silences, make the first move without hesitating, and have tons of fun interactions.
To further emphasize this point, here’s what a couple of my past coaching clients had to say about being unfiltered:
“Dave’s central theme of being unfiltered can literally create changes in the responses women give you overnight. When I say this, I mean, once you have figured out how to be unfiltered, you will notice immediately that women and others respond to you in a more positive way.”
“You’re not going to believe this but I finally got a number and a date using your methods. I just sort of said fuck it, I’m going to say what I want to say whether it be awkward or not and it worked!”
So, how do you be unfiltered?
Well, have you ever wanted to say something, but stopped yourself short because your brain told you it was risky…maybe even inappropriate?
Say that thing.
Instead of saying the safe thing, you say what's really on your mind.
You make random statements and observations about the environment. You make innuendos on a whim. You tell jokes because YOU think they're funny—not because you want a woman's approval. In fact, you don't even care about the girl's reaction. If she thinks it's funny, that's cool. But if not, you're still self-amused. And if you want to tell a woman she is sexy, then you tell her straight up.
Basically, you say whatever is on your mind, even if it doesn't make sense. The result will be ridiculous and unpredictable. And your conversations will be a LOT more fun.
If you're wearing a coat and sweater in the bar, and a girl asks why you have so many layers on… the safe thing thing to say is, “I’m cold.” Instead, you say something like, “I’m just trying to cover up my insecurities.”
Instead of, “Oh, you’re from Georgia? Cool!” you can say, “Damn, girl. Southern Belles make my heart ring. This is perfect for me.”
You make sexual jokes and innuendos without holding back for fear of disapproval.
Don’t just do this with words though. If you want to kiss a girl, go for it. If she rejects you, shrug it off and go for the kiss ten minutes later. See what happens.
When you filter yourself, you’re concerned with the girl’s reaction. You walk on eggshells, hoping you don’t do anything she doesn’t approve of. You’re not being genuine.
When women tell you to “be yourself,” they want the “unfiltered you” who doesn’t hold back. Not the ‘polite you’, who seeks their approval.
Silence your inner critic. Tell the awkward joke. Go for the kiss at the wrong time. Make things sexual. Live a little. Your conversations will flow and you'll make deeper connections.
Chapter 11:
Taking the Lead
Have you ever had an interaction with a girl turn from amazing to stagnant? You had a great connection, but somehow you fell into boring conversation—and you could sense her interest fading fast. And even if the conversation flowed, there was still something missing.
That's because there's more to attracting women than fun conversation. You need to move the interaction forward with your actions. You need to LEAD.
The fact is, most guys just don't understand how to lead. They simply let the interaction happen to them, and they don't push it forward. But it goes deeper than just their interactions with women. Most guys letlife happen to them.
Before you can really understand how to lead women, you need a deeper understanding of what leading actually is...both its implications for your overall success in life, and why most men never figure it out.
Are you ready for the deep dive? Let's go...
Most people never get what they really want out of life. They start off with big dreams, but somewhere along the line, reality starts to creep its way in. A potential life of adventure and excitement is taken over by a life of comfort and security.
And this is okay for most people, because they can follow the 'plan' of society and be 'successful'. They can go to college, get a good job, buy stuff, and stumble upon love. They don't need to fight for success. At least...that's what society tells them.
So, they get a career, but it doesn't fulfill them. They get married, but they're not truly happy with their partner. They make some money, but not as much as they really want. Their lives are just a collage of random things that happened to them. Things they didn't control.
As they follow this set plan, their big dreams become afterthoughts. They think to themselves, “Yes, it'd be amazing to live my dreams—but I don't know how to get there. I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing, and maybe something great will happen.”
They hope , and it's an empty hope. A hope that can only be fulfilled by pure luck. They bury their true passions and desires and replace them with…interests.
Ignoring their intuition, they grit their teeth through years of work in hopes that something will change. One day, somebody will swoop in and save them, and help them unleash their passions onto the world…to fulfill the potential they feel deep in their core.
But it never happens. So they go on in quiet desperation. They settle in life. And while they may deny it, deep down inside, they know they settled. They settled with their partner, career, finances, and lifestyle. And most never do a thing about it.
See, this is the average guy. This is his life. He let's the world—and women—happen to him. He doesn't take charge and WIN. He concedes, and doesn't even realize he's conceding. Other men take his woman home, get the jobs he wants, and the life he craves.
It is impossible for this guy to lead, because he doesn't know where he's going. He has no objective—nothing that sets him on fire and propels him forward through obstacles along the path to success. He lives his entire life on a whim.
In its essence,leading involves setting the course towards some objective, and actively moving along that course with conviction. This man has no course and no conviction. He simply hopes that beautiful women will fall into his lap.
Now, you don't need to make millions of dollars or change the world to be able to lead women. But you do need to be bold and assertive, and ruthlessly go after your goals in life. Whether it be to get good with women, or write a book, or start a business, or anything else. You need to fucking fight for your goals like your life depends on it.
And I mean fight . Don't take no for an answer. You will never concede. You will WIN. That's the type of attitude you need in order to trulylead . Because if you're not a leader, you're a follower. And you will never get the woman of your dreams if you're a follower.
Okay, now that you understand the deeper level of leading, it's time to go surface level. What are some actual things you can do to lead women? Why do women love and respect it when you're willing to lead?
Let's revisit college for a minute. Back in the beginning of the book, I talked about some of the biggest reasons why guys struggle with women after college. One of those reasons is that they can't manage logistics.
In college, logistics were easy. When you met a cool girl, you could invite her to a little dorm party, or meet up at the dining hall or the local bar. And if you wanted to bring her home, well, chances are she lived pretty close to you. You didn't really have to manage logistics or actively lead as much (although, if you did lead, you had a HUGE edge over most guys).
But after college, logistics are much more in play. From planning a date to bringing a girl home, you need to be on your 'A' game. And most importantly, you need to lead.
But, remember the average guy is afraid to lead. He doesn't direct the interaction, he lets it happen to him. If he wants to go on a date with a girl, he'll have a conversation like this:
“Hey, do you want to hang out next week?” he asks.
“Uh...maybe. What do you have in mind?” she replies.
He pauses. “I don't know, maybe we can grab dinner or something?”
“Hmm. Okay, not sure when I'll be free. Just text me and let me know,” she says.
And here is a guy who leads the interaction:
“Hey girl. You're fun. Let's hang out next week, grab a drink, and adventure. Are you free on Tuesday or Thursday night?” he asks.
“That sounds fun. Tuesday works for me!” she says.
“Cool. Lets meet at McFaddens on Park Ave at 8pm. They have some epic drink specials,” he says.
“Sounds good. I'll see you then!” she replies.
Here's the main difference: the 'polite guy' is unsure and wants the woman to help decide what to do. The leader lays out a plan, while giving her options and not being a dick about it, and makes it easy for the woman to say 'yes'.
The tone is already set for both of these interactions. If they go on a date, the first girl will be polite and friendly, but probably not sexually interested in the guy. While the second girl will be flirty and much more sexually interested.
As the man, you need to step up and direct the logistics. You can't be wishy washy with your plans. Indecisiveness destroys a woman's attraction for you and KILLS your vibe.
When you follow up, suggest plans. When you're in the bar or club, don't stand in the same place for hours. In fact, don't ever stand in the same place with a woman for hours. It's boring. The key is, you need to constantly be the force that drives the interaction forward.
In part three, we'll dive more into leading. You'll learn exactly how to lead women at the bar and club, as well as the intricacies of following up and getting the date.
Part III:
Getting the Girl
Chapter 12:
How to Master the Nightlife Scene and be a Rockstar
at the Bar/Club
I used to be petrified of the bar. I'd walk in with my friends, and desperately try to stick to their side. I didn't want to seem weird or take any risks. When I saw a beautiful girl, I wouldn't even think of talking to her. “Maybe later,” I'd say to myself...but later would never come.
I stood there in admiration as other guys talked to the women I liked. I was marred by jealousy, envy, and regret.
But then something changed...I got fed up with this cowardice behavior. I was tired of letting other guys have all the fun. So, I took action.
I made it a point to talk to women I was attracted to—even if I didn't know what to say. In fact, I made it a point to talk to everyone. I wanted to be the 'social guy' at the bar/ club.
I said some stupid things. I embarrassed myself at college bars and parties. The fact is, I didn't really know what I was doing. But, I still took action. And, even though I endured my fair share of embarrassing moments, I learned from every mishap...and I got better.
The guys I used to go out with still stand around the bar and drink all night. They very rarely take action, so they never have a chance to learn. But now, I'm the one who can go out to the bar or club and have an epic night, and usually bring a beautiful girl home. And you'll learn how to do the same.
Everything we've talked about so far will help you attract beautiful women at nightclubs and bars. But there are some key things you need to know to truly be, well, a proverbial rockstar at the club. The guy who goes out, has the most fun, and attracts the most beautiful women. Like everything else, you'll need to take action, though. You'll have some embarrassing moments, but it will all be worth it. And soon enough, you'll be the guy who gets the most beautiful women, while your friends are standing around the bar in the same drunken circle.
This chapter is your guide to the post-grad nightlife scene. You'll learn the dynamics of the nightclub/bar, and you'll be equipped to have the most epic nights. You ready? Let's do it.
Making an Entrance
You're waiting in line at the club. But you're a bit nervous about what lies on the other side. Don't worry, though, you're going to have an epic night.
The first thing you need to remember is this: the fun comes first , the girls come second . It's the first fundamental belief, and it's essential for the nightclub/bar environment. Why? Well, many guys go out with the primary goal of meeting women. Their whole night depends on it, and women can sense it through their vibe.
As a result, these guys come off as needy—and this is extremely unattractive. They approach girl after girl, and grow disheartened with each rejection. They're deeply invested in the outcome. They either (rarely) get lucky and get a girl, or their night spirals into negativity and frustration.
So, instead, focus on having a FUN night—meeting great people, dancing, pushing through your comfort zone, engaging in exciting conversation, and embarking on adventures. If you bring a girl home, that's a cool bonus, but it will not make or break your night. Girls will sense this freedom-from-outcome in your vibe, and they'll be more comfortable around you.
If you start to get bored, ask yourself, “What can I do to make this night more fun RIGHT NOW?” Maybe it's talking to the pretty girl, or jumping on the dance floor in the middle of a group, or just saying a funny line. Whatever it is, do it.
***
Okay, now you're finally at the front of the line. The bouncer checks your ID, glances up and down to make sure it's you, and gives you the okay. He pulls the little red rope back, and you walk through the entrance. Now what?
Walk in like you fucking own the place. Stride in slowly with a big smile, like you know you can get any girl in the bar—in fact, like every girl is watching you, hoping you'll talk to her. No girl is off limits. This is your playground and you're about to have an epic time. Everybody else is just along for the ride.
This mindset may seem difficult to adapt, but try it anyway. As you gain more reference experiences with beautiful women, you really will feel like you own the place.
Now, should you stroll up to the bar and buy a drink? Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. If I do drink, I'll usually only have one or two, just to get a buzz going—because I know that I sound like a babbling idiot when I'm drunk. Do what you feel comfortable with, but I recommend drinking as little as possible. You'll save money, and you'll be much more socially sharp—which is key to having epic nights. Aim for sober, or a good buzz, and try not to get obnoxiously drunk.
***
So maybe you have a beer, or a water , or no drink at all. Whatever the case, start talking to people. Go up to groups and cheers them, and say something like, “What's up, you guys look like fun.” Once you start the conversation, you can ask, “How do you all know each other?” This is a good way to engage the group.
Talking to people right away is crucial. It establishes you as a social guy—both to yourself, and other people at the bar/club. It also helps you build social proof—when you interact with different groups, it signals that you're fun and confident.
Talk to the feisty group of cougars. Talk to the cool guys. Talk to the girls you're not interested in. Talk to the girls you find attractive. Talk to everyone about everything. Get those social juices flowing. People are more receptive than you think, and they'll be grateful that you added bit of fun and excitement to their night.
You'll also get a feel for which women are receptive to you. Some will be more open, while others, more closed off. Either way, you can reengage later in the night and you'll already have some rapport.
You'll start to see a direct correlation between the amount of people you talk to throughout the night, and the amount of fun you have. That's because it creates more possibilities—and helps you build social momentum.
View the Night as One Interaction
Okay, so you've talked to a few different groups and established yourself as a social guy. Now, you're talking to a pretty girl, but she excuses herself—“Hey, I'll be back. I have to go find my friends.” You feel like you have to start all over again with a different girl.
***
Here's a hack: instead of looking at the night as a bunch of different interactions, start viewing the whole night as one big interaction.
What does this mean? Well, throughout the night, you'll interact with different girls. But you probably won't spend your entire time at the bar/club with the same girl. Some girls will walk away even when things seem to be going well.
Now, most guys get dismayed when this happens. They feel like they wasted their energy and have to start all over again with a different girl.
But when you see the entire night as one big interaction, you focus on building social momentum. With each little interaction, you get more in the zone. You can transfer that energy from one conversation to the next—it's almost like you pick up where you left off. Here's a story to illustrate:
***
We walk in the bar, and I feel extremely awkward. “Shit,” I think, “this is my 22nd birthday, I'm supposed to feel great.”
We approach a group of girls, and I play wingman for my friend Sellar , but I fumble over my words. I'm just not in my zone at all.
Sellar notices, and he tries to help me break through my awkwardness. “You see those girls over there?” he says, pointing to a group of three, well, bigger girls.
“Yeah,” I say.
Sellar leans in, whispers a ridiculous line, and directs me to walk up to the girls and say it.
“Dude, that's insane, not sure if I can do it,” I say.
Sellar laughs. “Do it, bro. It's the only way you'll smash through your comfort zone and get the social juices flowing.”
I hesitate for a moment. “Fuck it, I'll do it,” I reply.
I walk up to the group and get their attention. “Hey guys,” I announce, “SERIOUS QUESTION. I just bought these new jeans, and I have to know—do they make my dick look big?! ”
The girls burst out laughing. We talk for a few minutes and I start to break out of my social haze. I'm still not particularly feeling in the zone, but I'm getting there.
We walk around a bit more and head back to the first floor of the club. I talk to a few of my friends for a few minutes and then see a very sexy tall girl with curly brown hair. Exactly my type. She's on the dance floor, which is still almost completely empty because it's early.
I approach her, but I'm still not feeling it so it's kind of awkward. "Hey, I'm Dave!" I say, and I take her hand and spin her around in the most choppy way possible.
It catches her off guard but I notice she's receptive. We make great eye contact and have a great connection despite my slight social ineptitude.
“You look like a southern girl,” I say. “How did you know? I'm from Texas,” she laughs.
I start Texas-2-stepping with her on the dance floor. I go for the kiss and get it.
My friends and I have to leave soon for another club, but we can get her and her friends in for free (more social proof). We successfully bring her and her four friends with us to the club.
We walk in, and Texas girl buys me a birthday drink with her daddy's credit card. Things are going great and the vibe is amazing. She puts her hands down my pants on the dance floor—“I'm not as much of a 'good girl' as I appear to be,” she says. If her daddy only knew...
For the next hour and a half, we have a great time. Dancing, moving around the club, getting drinks, kissing, etc. I really want to take her home. I walk her towards the exit and say, “Let's get out of here and go adventure.”
“I don't want to have sex with you yet because I like you,” she says, “and I know if I go back with you, I'm going to end up fucking you.” I persisted, but to no avail. I get her number and we plan to meet up later this week.
The club closes in less than an hour. I'm still feeling the energy from the Texas girl. I get back on the dance floor and jam out with my friends.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see a group of three sexy girls—two Bulgarians and an Asian girl. I approach the Bulgarian girls first, and it turns out they are both dating the Djs —but they point to their sexy Asian friend, and say, “She's single!”
I hold my hand out and she takes it. We start dancing and I make out with her against the wall. It's like I'm picking up right where I left off with the Texas girl. Just transferring all the energy to a new girl.
“Let's get out of here,” I say. “Okay,” she agrees.
But there's one issue. I have no place to stay, and she can't stay at her place. At this point, it's clear we're going to have sex, the only question is, “Where?”
This 26-year-old accountant is not down to have sex on a park bench or in my car. She makes it clear that it has to be a bedroom/hotel or nothing.
Unfortunately, the Days Inn is $200 per night. My sex drive wins the fight with my wallet and I get the hotel room. Baller status. But not really. We go up to the hotel room and have sex all night.
***
This is the power of viewing the night as one interaction. I started off ice cold and awkward, and I progressed until I was in the zone. Every conversation gave me more energy and helped me build social momentum. I transferred this energy throughout each small interaction, and the result was a ridiculous, fun, adventurous night.
The lesson? Don't get discouraged if it doesn't work out with a particular girl. It's just one part of the night, and you can bring that energy to the next girl and pick up where you left off. Every conversation is a building block of your epic night.
The Dance Floor “Hip Bump”
You're on the dance floor with your friends. It's filled with beautiful girls. You don't want to be the weird guy who approaches, gets rejected, and makes things weird.
***
The dance floor can feel like an intimidating place, especially if you suck at dancing like I do. But here's the thing: it doesn't matter if you're good at dancing. Trust me, I have some pretty weird dance moves.
The most important thing is your own self-amusement. Flow with the music the way you want to, and have fun, with no regard for other people's opinions. It's like riding the bull—other guys will stand around and watch you, secretly envious of your ability to not give a shit and do what you want.
When you see an attractive girl you want to dance with, here's what to do:
The music is blasting, so keep talking to a minimum —she won't be able to hear much. Instead, do a funny dance move. Do a little hip shake, and lightly bump her with your hip. After she turns to you, make eye contact, smile, and step back a few feet and start dancing on your own—pretend like you're challenging her to a dance off. Then, grab her hand, spin her around, and start dancing with her. It sounds ridiculous but this is how I approach 99% of women at the club.
The hip bump works like magic, and it's playful. If she's not receptive, you can just shrug it off. No big deal, no rejection.
Once you start dancing with her, don't stay all up in her grill the whole time. Give her room to breathe and want you. Every minute or two, bounce back a few feet. Alternate between dancing up against her and a foot or two away from her. This is known as push/pull. If you pull too much (stay up in her grill), she'll feel like she's already won you over and the tension will dissipate. If you push too much (dance far away), she'll feel like you're not interested and she'll move on. Keep a good balance.
Leading
You've approached the cute girl, and you've been dancing with her for a half hour. But you can feel things getting stale. She's going to walk away soon if you don't do something. So, what do you do next? LEAD.
***
As a general rule, don't keep doing the same thing with a girl for a long period of time in a night. For example, if you've just met her, don't stand in the same place for three hours. Don't dance the entire night straight. If you don't switch it up a little bit, the interaction gets stale and the connection fades.
Move things forwardbefore it starts to get stale. Set the frame that you're a confident leader.
If you've been dancing with a girl for a half hour, take her hand and say, “let's go get a drink,” or simply, “let's go over there.” And then, move her to the bar/different location within the bar. Continue to move her around throughout the night and keep things fresh.
If you’re at the bar, take her hand and bring her to the dance floor. And then back to the bar for a drink. And then back to the dance floor. And then to get pizza afterwards. And then…well, you get my point.
When it comes to leading, it also helps to embrace your inner “wild card.” Basically, just be unpredictable. Pick her up randomly and laugh. Do ridiculous dance moves. Be unfiltered and say what you're thinking. Make sexual innuendos.
Keep her guessing—you'll be the exciting guy she wants to be around. And a nice change of pace from the boring guys who have the same pathetic interview-mode conversations with her.
Leading also means you make the first move. If you have to ask yourself if you should kiss her, then it's probably time to kiss her.
Managing Logistics and Taking Her Home
You've lead the girl around the bar and embraced your inner wild card. You even made a move and kissed her. Things are going well. But the bar/club is closing soon, and you want to take her home.
***
Logistics are everything. If she lives 40 minutes away, has work the next morning, and is driving back with her friend who wants to get home and microwave that leftover fried chicken, then you’re fucked, and not in the literal sense.
If you’re trying to get a one-night stand, then, early in the night, figure out what she’s doing after the bar/club closes. Meet her friends, find out where she’s staying, how she got there, etc. But don't be creepy about it. This is a very casual and normal thing. You can simply say, “What are you up to after this?”
If the logistics aren’t right, the one-night stand probably won’t happen. If that’s all you want that particular night, then you should probably move on.
...or you can try to have sex with her in the bathroom or somewhere in the surrounding area of the club (like the beach). That's a story for another time though.
If the logistics are in your favor, you still need her to agree to leave with you.
If the bar is closing, the first thing you need to do is MAKE SURE you walk out of the bar with her. Even if it seems like there's no way she'll go home with you, just walk out with her.
If it's earlier in the night, then just suggest something like “Let's get out of here and go adventure.” If you say it confidently and own it, she'll usually oblige. Then, give her a reason to go back to your place. “Hey girl, I HAVE to show you this epic video,” or, “Let's go have a beer on my rooftop.”
This reason or “excuse” is important. It allows her to justify to herself that “nothing will happen” if she goes home with you—this prevents her from feeling like a slut.
Always lead and be confident with your words. More often than not, the girl will follow. When she's back at your place, show her the video, or have a beer on the rooftop. And make a move.
Chances are, you’ve missed opportunities with women because you didn’t lead them. They hoped you’d make a move…and you didn’t. And it disappointed them. So go for it, and if she denies you, then obviously respect her decision.
The Right Way to Get Her Number
Let's look at the other scenario. You've had a great time with the girl, but you don't want to take her home...or she doesn't want to go back with you...or the logistics aren't right. Whatever the case, you want to continue the interaction at a future period...a date, if you will. So, you need to get her number.
***
Most phone numbers are worthless and weak. You are the fun guy at the bar. She meets plenty of fun guys at the bar. She gives out her number to get rid of them. Even if you had an amazing connection, chances are, she won't remember much of it tomorrow. She'll forget.
Phone numbers are meaningless...
...unless you make them strong.
How do you do that? You need to CLOSE HARD.
Look her in the eye and hold eye contact the whole time. Speak with conviction, and say:
“Listen. You're really sexy and I've had a great time with you. Give me your number, and we'll hang out this week. But ONLY give me your number if you actually want to see me again. Sound cool?”
At this point, she’ll usually nod or say yes. Give her your phone and tell her to put her number in.
If you can figure out a day when she’s free, all the better. Something like “Are you free Tuesday or Thursday night? Okay, great. We’ll meet up and grab drinks. I’ll give you a call.”
Why does this work? It’s basically a wake-up call for the girl. She’s used to giving her number out to the fun guy at the bar and not responding later.
It’s almost muscle memory for her at this point. But when you look her in the eye and say “AY, I don’t want your number if you don’t want to hang out,” it cuts the bullshit.
It forces her to envision the two of you hanging out. She has to ask herself, “Do I want to hang out with this guy?” If you do it the right way, she’ll usually be saying yes. She’ll be thrown off by your confidence, because it takes some serious balls to look her in the eye and state your intent.
You don’t care about her number, that doesn’t mean anything to you. You care about continuing the fun interaction.
This separates you from the fun guy in the bar.
Once you get her number, call it, so you know that it's the right number. Then, send her this text a few minutes later: “Hey girl, get home safe. -[Your Name]” (credit to RSD Jeffy for this text). This way, you know for sure that there were no mistakes and you have the right number, and now she can also save your number in her phone. You won't be some random nameless guy from the night before.
Chapter 13:
Texting to Set Up the Date
You had an amazing time with a girl. The two of you hit it off, exchanged some banter and laughs, connected with each other, and she gave you her phone number. You planned to meet up some time in the next week or two.
You feel refreshed and exhilarated, confident that you'll see her again soon.
You text her a few days later and ask, “Hey, how's it going?”
But she doesn't respond. Or, if she does respond, it's not the response you hoped for. You ask yourself, “What happened to the fun, receptive girl from the other night who was excited about going out with me?”
There's a reason why this happens...and it's the same reason why most guys fail when they text girls.
You forget why you got her number in the first place. You get her number because you want to go on date and potentially move things further.
NOT because you want to stay up all night texting her or asking how her day is going. NOT to get validation from her.
Keep this clearly in mind: your #1 goal when texting girls is to set up the date. Every text message should get you closer to that goal.
So, how do you do this the right way? Well, it all starts from the first text message. And, as a side note, you should ALWAYS text her the next day.
The first text should jog her memory of who you are, and induce some of the emotions of your interaction. This reminds her of why she gave you her number in the first place.
Here's an example from a text exchange that lead to a date, starting from the first message:
Me: Almost had a nervous breakdown today. Overwhelmed with self-consciousness over my abundance of plaid shirts.
Her: I literally just laughed out loud at my work.
Me: I can't be held responsible for your valley girl laughing antics.
Her: Hahaha stop! I'm laughing, it's inappropriate. What are u up to?
For some context, I met this girl the night before. During our interaction, she teased me about my plaid button-down shirt and I teased her about sounding like a valley girl. So, I made a few funny statements based on those topics. She responded well.
You can craft a text like this easily, too. Just think of something about your conversation, or the environment/ venue, and make a slightly sarcastic statement about it. This kind of text is much better than the generic, boring texts that guys usually send.
Once you send the first few texts and get the conversation going, it's time to push for the meet up. Now, there's two different ways you can do this—it will depend on how responsive the girl is to your previous texts.
If she's responsive and the text conversation flows, she's already interested in hanging out with you. You can be more casual with this text, but still lead and set the logistics. The key is to suggest a plan, and give her two different time options. For example:
“Let's grab a drink this week. There's a bar on Comm Ave with $4 margarita specials. What works better for you, Tuesday or Thursday night?”
The time option shifts her thinking. Instead of a “Yes, I want to hang with this guy,” or a, “No, I don't want to see him,” she's thinking about which time works best. This text signals that you assume the date is happening. If one of the time options doesn't work, she'll usually suggest a time herself.
Now, if she's a little cold to your texts, then you need to push the envelope a bit. Whenever you are about to give up on a girl, and basically think there's no chance she's going to talk/hang out with you, you have to lay it all on the line.
How do you do that? Well, the text I'm about to give you has gotten my friends and I more dates than I can count. But, I recommend only using it if it's congruent with how you really feel about the girl. Here it is:
“Hey girl. I'm going to cut the BS. You're one of the sexiest girls I've met in [City Name] and we should get together soon and either get a drink, or rob a bank. Whatever you're in the mood for.”
The point is, don't ever leave anything on the table. That rule can apply with really everything in life, but especially with girls. This way you'll never regret not taking that extra chance.
And trust me, this text works wonders. Try it and see for yourself.
Another side note: I recommend grabbing drinks with a girl on the first date. Why? The bar is a social environment and it's low pressure. Unlike dinner, where you're forced to commit to a 1-2 hour ordeal with a person you know nothing about yet, drinks are much more casual. If you hate each other, you can leave after the first drink—no harm, no foul.
This is something women think about—an easy out. Almost every attractive woman has sat through a painfully boring first date. So she's much more likely to agree to this kind of date.
The other benefit? It's easy to bounce around. You can grab a drink at one bar, than hop to the next. It's more of an adventure.
Now, as a general rule, you should assume that sex is a possibility on the first date, even if it seems unlikely. So always try to meet at a bar that's close to your place or hers. This way, you're prepared if things do go further. Never underestimate the importance of logistics.
To quickly sum up how to set up a good date through texting, use these four things as a guideline:
1. Start with a short, funny statement that jogs her memory of you and the night you met.
2. Be playful and self-amused. Ask yourself, “Is this text getting me closer to a date, or adding value to her day?” If not, don't send it.
3. Get drinks on the first date. It's simple, requires little investment, and allows for an adventurous night.
4. Suggest a venue/activity close to either your place or hers. This makes it easier to manage logistics if you want to hook up afterwards.
Chapter 14:
3 Keys to an Epic First Date
She's agreed to hang out with you again. You're grabbing drinks at a bar near your place or hers.
You stroll in, fashionable, well-groomed , and like a total badass. You take a seat at the bar, and a few moments later, she walks in and joins you. It's go time. So, what do you do next?
Connect
The first thing you want to do is make physical contact as soon as possible. Stand up and give her a hug. This sets the tone for the rest of the date, and makes it easier to get physical later.
Make sure you sit side-by-side, preferably at the bar. If you sit across from her at a table, it's difficult to physically escalate and it can feel a little too much like a dinner date.
Once the two of you sit down, offer to buy the first drink. Say, “I'll get this round, you get the next.” This is for two reasons: first, if you're taking a lot of girls on dates, you won't go broke buying all the drinks—and this is a fair and cool way to do it. Second, it's a dick move to not at least offer to buy the first drink. After all, you invited her out.
Now, it's time for conversation. Follow what we discussed in chapter nine. Remember to listen and relate to her. You'll really want to focus on connecting with her here. So, start off with light, casual conversation and then go deeper.
Here are some things you can say to go deeper and connect:
- “Tell me about your biggest adventure.”
- “How bad was your first kiss?”
- “What kind of things make you laugh the hardest?”
- “Tell me a hilarious growing up story.”
- “Where have you traveled?”
- If you could wake up anywhere in the world tomorrow, where would it be?
- What’s your dream job?
Bounce to a Different Venue
The conversation is flowing and you've had a drink or two. Now, it's time to keep the date moving forward. Hopefully you chose a bar with a few other bars in walking distance. Take the lead, and suggest to check out the next bar close by.
When you bounce around to a couple different venues on a date, she'll feel like you've been hanging out for longer than you actually have. You build trust and she feels more comfortable with you.
Make a Move
You should ALWAYS make a move on the first date. If you don't at least go for the kiss, her attraction for you will evaporate. If you're not sure whether a girl wants you to move things forward, just go for it. Shoot first , ask questions later .
Remember that girl Natalie? On our first date, I tried to kiss her THREE times at the bar. She denied me every time. But later on when we were alone, I went for the kiss again. This time, we made out for five minutes. Turns out she hated PDA (public displays of affection) which is why she didn't want to kiss me at the bar.
Trying and failing won't set you back. It just lets her know that you're a sexual man and you mean business.
Chapter 15:
Bringing it All Together
“There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.” Dr. Denis Waitley
If you've read all the way through this book, you understand the differences between dating in college vs. dating in the “real world,” where to meet beautiful women, and how to develop the vibe of an attractive man.
It starts with internalizing the right mindsets, and then backing up those mindsets with reference experiences. You build those reference experiences by taking action, putting yourself out there, and talking to women.
You already have the action steps laid out:
- Sign up for a social activity that you enjoy, and that women you like enjoy
- Work out, eat healthier, dress well, improve your body language, and get a solid haircut
- Ingrain the fundamental beliefs in your mind
-Shift your perspective and start approaching the women you find attractive
- Convey your intent
- Be unfiltered with your words and actions
- Take the lead
- Take initiative at the nightclub/bar
Now it's time to start.
The fact that you've read to this point shows that you're ready to make a change. You're tired missing out on the women you desire.
Remember, you only need three things to get good with women: a willingness to take action, the ability to learn from your mistakes, and the persistence to face and work through rejection.
As you take action, you'll start to develop the natural vibe. Interacting with women will be easier than ever before.
Chapter 16:
What This Book is Really
About
***
Natalie and I peered over the ledge, enjoying the Boston skyline.
"You know, I feel like you'd like my blog," I said. I hadn't yet told her about my dating/lifestyle advice blog. "A lot of people like it because they say it's authentic and funny."
She looked at me with a sly smile. "Can I put you on blast right now?" she asked.
"What do you mean?" I said.
"You really think, after all this time, I haven't read your blog and seen all of your videos?"
We both laughed for a minute. The jig was up. "I don't know, I figured you would've mentioned it to me if you read the blog and saw the videos."
Natalie grinned. "I thought it was kinda funny not telling you. It was like my own little inside joke. Like when we were walking through Faneuil Hall the other day, and saw the performer posing as a statue, and you said 'I always confuse these things with real statues...' You said that exact line in one of your videos."
I burst out laughing. "It's not like I was trying to pick you up with that line. That was like my own little inside joke too. Self-amusement. In my head, I was just like 'hehe !' But it's pretty hilarious that you remembered it from the video, and didn't call me out on it until now."
"I mean, right after our first date, I Googled your name. Boy, I do my research," she said. "And the first thing I saw was the video. You mentioned something about being a dating coach and filming videos like this to me, so I knew you weren't trying to hide it. But at the same time, I thought, this guy is ridiculous. I had no idea what I was getting myself into."
Natalie paused and sipped her drink. "But then I started reading your blog. And first of all, the name 'PostGrad Casanova' is so ridiculous. How'd you even come up with that?! Anyway, one of the first posts I read was about the top 10 reasons a guy likes your Facebook pic. I loved it. I thought, alright, I can vibe with this guy."
I smiled, sort of blushing, but not really embarrassed.
I told her more about how I got into the whole 'dating industry' and how it changed me. I told her about how I sat in a Starbucks two years ago, with no idea about my future. And how the turning point came when I set out to improve with women.
"You know, I don't think the main message in your blog is about getting good with women. It's about getting good with yourself . Letting it all hang out...being authentic... going for what you want in life," she mused. “A lot of guys have trouble with that. They hold back.”
Nobody ever put it that way before. “You're right. That really is the deeper meaning. Getting good with women is an avenue to get there, but that's all it is— an avenue. Being comfortable in your own skin, being unapologetically yourself, fighting for what you want—that's the deeper message."
***
At its very core, getting good with women requires you to take action, face rejection, and question yourself. You no longer hope for beautiful women to walk into your life; instead, you’re responsible for your success.
This causes a shift in consciousness. You move from helpless to courageous. As you realize the power of taking action, you thirst for more out of life. For passion… adventure… excitement… abundance.
It dawns on you: you no longer have to “settle for your lot.” You don't have to accept your “limitations.”
You strip away all of your bullshit. You face your insecurities head on and fight through them .
“People become really quite remarkable when they start thinking that they can do things. When they believe in themselves they have the first secret of success.” Norman Vincent Peale
You start to question things. Why work an unfulfilling job when you can quit, take action, learn skills, and build a business that adds value to the world and creates abundance in your life? Why stay in one place when you can travel the world? Why accept other people's limitations?
These are your twenties. This is the foundation for the rest of your life. It's time to fucking dominate .
Taking action and improving with women—this is the first step on your path. The journey will be hard. People will doubt you. People will question you when you dedicate yourself to a purpose and fight for it. Your friends might look at you weird when you approach women.
Fuck them, though. This is your life, and you only have one shot at this thing. It's up to you to get the women you want, the career that fulfills you, and the life you crave.
Most guys will never actively try to improve with women. They will settle in every area of life. But you will be different. You will not concede. You will win. You will be your own hero in the kick-ass story that is your life.
And the thought, “Life after college sucks!” will never creep into your mind again.
Can You Do Me a Favor?
Thank you for buying and reading my book. I’m confident that you’re well on your way to naturally attracting women and dominating your twenties.
Before you go, I have a small favor to ask. Would you take a minute to write a brief blurb about this book on Amazon? Reviews are the best way for independent authors (like me) to get noticed and sell more books. I also read every review and use the feedback to write future revisions – and future books, even.
Click here to leave a review on Amazon.com
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About the Author
David Perrotta is a copywriter, dating coach, world traveler, and overall sarcastic a**hole. His life is one gigantic inside joke, and you’re in on it. He's the founder of PostGradCasanova, where he helps guys master their dating lives and unleash their authenticity.
You can follow him at: PostGradCasanova.com .