Laying Foundations:
Lifestyle Practices
Life goes on far beyond the sixty-minute yoga class, or twenty-minute meditation. We know we want to practice sustainable health and happiness by including the four elements of the flexitarian method, but in order to sustain the practice, we need to set up some healthy lifestyle habits—from staying clean to good sleep. Following these steps will ensure we are prepared for the four element practices that we will practice later.
Empower Yourself/Your Teachers and You
Asking questions is fundamental to any kind of growth. We have a few ways in which we learn what is true for us:
All three ways can help us understand reality, but we must realize that each one of these on its own is usually not good enough to make us sure about the answers we seek. It is important to listen to other people’s advice, opinions, and teachings, though it is equally important to learn to question these teachings. The first step, however, is to trust the teachings of teachers you respect, and practice these to gain your own personal experience. Then question and verify if they work for you, so that no matter how big the name of a teacher, and no matter how many other people use this information or follow this method, you will be able to keep checking for yourself if the information holds true.
Learning from peers and from others, as well as from others’ experiences, is a fantastic tool, but you really must learn to have confidence in whatever you are experiencing and in your interpretation of the teachings. This is true, of course, for everything in this book, as well. I write here as a teacher, shining the way with my understandings, interpretations, and experiences of a very wide variety of practices, from many other teachers. Not many people can afford the time, effort, and money that I have put into studying and practicing these modalities, and so this book tries to create a toolbox of the most efficient practices I have found and used to create a blissful life.
Many times we follow what society dictates for us as truth. We come to believe that the norm is the right way, without really stopping to question it. I lived in Italy for a while, where it was a custom to break for an espresso and a smoke often. I joined in, as it would have been weird to go do yoga in that setting. I learned later to surround myself with people whose norms and standards I actually appreciate, so that they inspire me to do better. Some norms or social standards were created during a certain era when they were needed, but they are no longer appropriate for today. Other standards were created for certain societies or different generations, and are not relevant to you as an individual. However, it is important to look at social standards and notice their benefits, because many times they do have a teaching to offer us, and there is no need to rebel just for the sake of rebellion.
The important thing is to make conscious decisions about every action, so that we are not moving on a path that does not belong to us. This is more than just the saying “follow your truth” or “be yourself.” Conscious decision making is absolutely essential in order to find your bliss. By living according to your own truth, which may be based on respected teachings,
you will be able to go to sleep feeling absolutely wonderful and sure that whatever decisions you made today, even if they were wrong, were your decisions made with a clear mind.
This is true for any and all dogmas. A dogma isn’t necessarily inherently wrong, or doesn’t have substantial goodness to offer. It is just important to remember not to follow anything blindly. If you find dogma in a teacher that really does resonate, then it is important to trust that teacher, even if at times it might seem not exactly what you would expect. And still within this following, you must keep a questioning mind, so that if the requirements of the teacher or of the dogma do not sit with you anymore, you are fully aware and can be responsible for taking care of yourself.
Even though there are great masters out there worth following—and trusting, true masters will accept questioning students—though they may encourage you to trust the process or method, it is up to you to discern when to follow and when it does not feel right for you anymore.
There is absolutely great importance in having a teacher, someone who can help you with the process that you—specifically you—are going through. The teachings might be coherent, but the way that you, as a student, receive them will never be the same as the way another student receives them. This is true for anything from meditation to nutrition to yoga asana practice. Hopefully, your teacher will become an important part of your support system. If you have more than one teacher that you work with as you are finding your bliss, do try to limit the number of teachers you work with, so that you do not get confused by too many systems. And, it is also helpful for a teacher to see you regularly, so he or she can get to know you better and be able to guide you through the process.
Teachers in many cultures are revered with the highest esteem, as they are the ones that have the most capability to empower you and help you discover what you really need. Paying respect to the teacher in any way possible is important, but at the same time, you have to join in as a partner with your teacher, and do actual work yourself if you really want to see results. Reading and philosophy are very good, yet unless you convert philosophies into practices, they will remain ideas and not living truth.
Review of Your Teachers and You
Sustainable Living
Living sustainably means living without hurting our surroundings or ourselves. In regard to food and the earth, a sustainable life will protect future generations on this planet. For the purposes of this book, let’s focus on how we can live more sustainably today, in order to maintain health and joy in a balanced manner.
First, let’s see how we can maintain our practice for the long run. As discussed earlier, if you push yourself too hard today, you may get injured and not practice for a month after. In other words, pushing yourself will not be sustainable. If you sit in meditation for so long that you become miserable and decide to never try it again, that is not sustainable. You may decide that you enjoy your long sit, especially after a long asana practice, but because you devoted so many hours to your practice today, you will be running after your tail to catch up with life over the next few days. That may not be sustainable either.
You want to find a practice that you can maintain as a normal routine that will be strong enough to allow progress, and also feel great so that you will be encouraged to come back and practice again. The same goes for eating and everything else we do in life. If you go on an extreme diet, it is more likely that when you come off of it, you will be feeling deprived and gorge on food. There goes all the hard work.
A good diet is a diet for life, a diet that becomes a part of your healthy lifestyle, one that is sustainable because it is easy and pleasurable to maintain. While some people can go running while maintaining ease, for many of us it is better to go on a feel-good walk than a stressful run. Work slowly toward building up endurance and love for the things in life that are better for you; it’s important not to burn out too quickly.
One of the most dangerous ways many of us push ourselves is in our jobs, usually in our attempts to make money. Do you ever find yourself so overworked that you just keep making mistakes? Do you ever fall asleep at your computer, or start to doze as you’re driving home from work? Do you work so much that you become ill and need a few days to recover? Knowing how to live a balanced life is important on all levels.
Not all of us suffer from overworking. Some of us are plagued by the opposite traits: lethargy, idleness, or laziness. For so many reasons, many of us have a difficult time getting motivated to do anything that requires real work. We may find ourselves in debt, out of a job, or just miserable with what we do. We may neglect our bodies until they are in such bad shape that we don’t even know where to start. Putting off our duties—whether in work, in relationships, or toward ourselves—can leave us so overwhelmed that we can’t even begin to consider getting back on track. No extreme is good or sustainable.
Acting today in consideration of tomorrow, doing what we can today within our means of body, mind, and abilities, is the way to a sustainable life.
Sustainability Tips
Take Away Distractions and Hurdles
When I was a chocoholic, I could not resist eating a whole chocolate bar once I opened it. It was the same when I shifted my addiction to ice cream. Before I could come to my now very-easily-controlled quantities of sweets, I had to simply not have them available. If I was at home and I did not have chocolate, I did not eat it. If it was there, I did. So I started by taking away this distraction and temptation from being too readily available. When your willpower is not as strong as you would like it to be, don’t try to challenge it!
Some of the things we may be addicted to are fine in small doses but are not good for us in excess. Since it is not easy to simply decrease the amount of whatever it may be we do too much of (eating, watching TV, sex, smoking, drinking alcohol, etc.), we may need to take stronger measures for a while, to help reduce temptation. You may decide to clean out all the sweets from your home, hide the cable of the TV (or place a blanket over it), encourage drinking buddies to engage in healthy activities with you, or avoid going to certain places where you know the temptation will just be too strong. Over time—once the addiction isn’t controlling your life as much—you may reintroduce some of these things back into your life consciously, with awareness and moderation.
Learn to say no. It is sometimes easier to please friends or people and say yes to foods, activities, or actions you don’t really want to consume or be part of. Why do you do this? Many of our actions come from habits or past conditioning. It may be that as a child you wanted to please your parents, so that they would let you stay up late to watch a show, or give you a treat or money. Now this habit transforms and pushes you to please other people for the wrong reasons. Find the source of the habit, recognize it, and then practice acting differently instead. This is the practice of reconditioning.
Sometimes it is easier to simply remove the distraction or source of addiction from our lives, and other times we need to plant a new seed—a new habit—to replace the old one. For example, if you are used to wanting a treat in the afternoon, and you are used to opening a specific cupboard because that is where you store your sweets or your potato chips, try replacing this food with healthy snacks. The healthy snacks should occupy the same place as the less healthy treats, because you already know it’s the snack place; now, however, when you open that cupboard, you will find kale chips or nuts. Maybe make fruit very visible in a beautiful bowl near the cabinet—or a smiley sign that says, “Fruit is in the fridge. Yum!”
If your distraction is on your computer—an announcement or a program, for example—keep it closed and don’t go there every time you get an alert. When I was writing this book, I would constantly be distracted by announcements of incoming email or Skype messages. I decided to close all the programs I was not using at the time, and only open them after a few hours of work. This helped me focus and kept me on track. I used to pride myself on being a multitasker, until my Zen teacher said this to me one day: “What is it with people running with music in their ears? When running, run; when listening to music, listen to music.” Be completely present with what you are doing.
What are your distractions? It may be that you need to turn off your phone for periods of time, silence it, or take an app break. We all have different weaknesses, things we do on auto-mode and not with full awareness. The easiest way to avoid them is to simply stay away from them for a bit, and in the meantime practice awareness of all that you do in the moment (or strive toward it), so you are conscious of what you are actually doing at any given time. This is not like running away from something or stopping a behavior forever; it is more like a cleanse—a system to stop you from automatic habits and conditioning—that will lead you toward a life of acting with awareness.
Review of Distraction Cleansing
Dissolving Judgment
One of the hardest things to do when starting a journey to better yourself is the practice of no judgment: not judging who you were, what you did, or how you are doing now. Self-judgment serves no purpose. Mostly it just occupies our head, and keeps us from moving forward.
This is not to say that we should be ignorant of the mistakes we have made. We learn from our past, but there is a difference between learning from the past and self-judging or being overly critical. The difference is mostly in the outcome. Your practice is to recognize what you have done, learn from the mistake, and then take actions that are beneficial, constructive, and empowering. Find motivation through self-encouragement, rather than self-judgment or abuse. For many of us, judging comes automatically, almost like an instinct. As soon as you recognize that you are judging, smile and just shift your awareness to see what can be done to make it different for the future. Like any habit, this too can be dissolved.
Judgment can happen toward others, as well. This can also be destructive, as judging others happens when you compare them to an ideal or to yourself: “He is more flexible than I am. I cannot believe she just said that to me. Why would anyone wear such a hideous dress? Why does today’s generation obsess about the Internet and their gadgets?” At times, it can become a whole story: “Why did he have to cut into the lane here? It’s so dangerous, and now I need to slam on my brakes. If only everyone stayed in their own lane, it would all be so much better, but of course, he is driving a Jaguar. My uncle owns a Jaguar, and he would totally do this too. It’s been a long time since I actually spoke with him. Maybe I should call.”
This can go on and on, expending futile energy and wasting time. Take a deep breath and just let the person cut into the lane! Keep enjoying the music or simply stay focused on the road, making sure this distraction does not lead to a car accident.
Practice awareness of your mind, of the stories created there, and come back to the present moment time and time again. Make sure not to judge yourself for being judgmental! It sounds funny, but it can easily happen: “Oh no, I just made up a story again. Oh, I was still comparing myself to her all through class.” Be compassionate toward yourself, and over time, the critical mind will soften as well.
Review of How to Dissolve Judgment
On and Off the Mat (or Becoming a Saint)
The practice of yoga helps us find our authentic selves. Yoga practice is about personal growth and finding the ultimate freedom; it is about knowing your true self. The process involves everything we do in life, and goes beyond the specified practices of exercise and meditation. It is how we live our life in every moment, the choices we make, and the actions we take.
There may be many times in life when we take an action that may not be something we would be proud of, or believe is a good action, and most likely we will never be caught. Should we still do it? Maybe it is self-serving. Maybe it is just a habit. It can be anything from slumping in a café, eating certain foods, or not taking care of other people’s possessions (such as a yoga mat in a studio).
If you find yourself doing anything that you feel a bit guilty about, or that makes you feel as if you need to check to see if anyone is watching you (because you do not want to be seen doing it), then this is something you probably should not do. This will save you worry and will keep you doing only what you know is the right thing to do, which ultimately lets you stay relaxed and happy.
I like to imagine that there are TV monitors everywhere, and what I do may be transmitted to all my students. Since walking the talk is very important to me, I try to make every decision as if all my students were watching. You can imagine that, at every moment, your actions and thoughts are being broadcast to all the people you value the most. Would you be doing this if your mother knew? How about your boss or wife? Saints are not special people. They are like you and me, except they are committed to doing the right thing from a selfless, heartfelt place.
Live a moral and sound life—a life that allows you to feel absolutely good about what you are doing at every moment. Don’t choose this lifestyle because it is the right thing to do, but because you know deep inside that it is right. Everything can be twisted to suit your needs if you want it to be.
Make sure you really believe in what you are doing, knowing that as you say a word, think a thought, or take an action, you are behaving in a way that can lead to a better you and a better world.
Your behavior should be at least equal to what you expect from others. The way others conduct themselves should never become an excuse for the way you behave. Stay true to yourself, your standards, and beliefs, not in a dogmatic righteous way, but in a compassionate, loving, and kind manner.
Review of How to Maintain Goodness
The Power of a Smile
One day in class I asked my students to stretch their legs and arms, open their hips, do an extra chaturanga (low push up), and eventually to stretch their lips to their ears—yes, to smile while practicing a pose. They took all of my physical challenges with no hesitation, except for the smile. I had to ask them a few times until I had most of them actually moving their lips slightly.
I questioned them. “Why is it that if I ask you to do harder work, to stretch deeper or to do an extra chaturanga, most of you, no matter how hard the request and how much suffering is involved, will go for it immediately, though when I ask you to smile, very few actually do it?”
This happened in a very “go-getter” environment. Of course some people love to smile and smile often. If you do not smile often and for no reason, check and see—do you take yourself too seriously? Do you feel better doing things in life that are challenging, that may even induce some pain, but not doing one of the easiest and most rewarding actions of turning your lips up to smile? Do you feel guilty about being happy? Do you need a special occasion to smile? Is it socially awkward to just smile for no reason, or worse, while “working out”? It’s not too late to change it!
A smile is easy and free. The very simple act of stretching the lips introduces relaxation and softness while releasing happy hormones in the body. Smile to your loved ones, to a flower, to a random person, and even just smile to yourself. No reason is needed.
Smile Practices
Sleep Hygiene or Tips for a Good Night’s Sleep
On a summer family trip to the Sierra Mountains of Northern California, a long hiking day came to an end.
“Have a good nothing,” my sister-in-law Debbie wished my brother Gil, and I wished him the same. “Have a good nothing,” he replied.
“Now that my diet is so much better and I exercise more, sleep is my next issue. I tend to wake up at night and just go into thoughts, planning, or thinking of clients and their needs,” my brother Gil had told me one day.
Meditation was the first suggestion I offered. Meditation (described in Chapter 7) is simply training the mind. It is sitting still, doing nothing, allowing our awareness to drop to the belly as we follow the breath, in and out, in and out.
Take our legs, for instance. When we go to sleep, we want them to be still and resting. There is no need for them to move. The same goes for our eyes or ears, but what about our mind? Why is it so hard to just switch off the mind? A good night’s sleep is a night of rest, a night where all functions of the body, except for the autonomic systems (like the heart or breath), are resting, including our digestive system and our mind.
Gil seemed to be okay with the idea of meditating and was willing to give it a try, though his first reply was, “It will be hard to fit into my schedule.” Since his mind is a very strong one, and since he has the capability of making decisions and following through on them, he decided to convince his mind that there is no need for it to do anything during the night. It can all wait for the next day. Simply do nothing.
Indeed, doing nothing is the hardest thing for most people in today’s fast-paced world. Yet doing nothing is really the ultimate rest. “This is your vacation time,” Gil had to tell his mind before he went to bed. “A time to have a good nothing.”
The next morning, Gil woke up with a smile. He was determined enough to control his mind into shutting down when it needed to, but for many of us, it is not that easy. We may need to practice convincing our mind that we do not need it to work during the night, that it is good for it to rest.
Since just telling the mind to stop thinking is not such an easy task, using the breath is a great tool. Lie down in bed and breathe slowly and deeply, fully bringing awareness to the breath. You may want to count your breath. Slow inhale—one—slow exhale—two—and so on until you reach ten. The slow rhythm of the breath and its calming effect helps bring about peace and surrender. If you have regular insomnia, consider practicing the one-to-two breathing described in the pranayama section as you lie in bed.
It helps if you go to sleep before 10:30 pm. According to Ayurveda, after 10:00 pm we begin a new cycle of energy. During this energetic cycle, we sometimes feel that we get a second wind. So if you are sleepy, go to sleep when you are sleepy. Otherwise, you may get that second wind and lose your sleep opportunity.
If you do not fall asleep within thirty minutes, get up and do something that will induce sleep and then return to bed. (Note: Some sleep specialists recommend you never leave the bed; in this case, have something really boring to read nearby. You need to decide what works best for you.)
Your mind has an easier time when it knows what is about to happen. Create a routine. Go to bed and wake up at the same time. This will keep your wandering mind in balance.
Exercising is healthy and useful for a good night’s sleep, but timing is key. Finish your exercise at least three to four hours before bedtime. Mornings and early afternoons are the best times to exercise.
Eat dinner at least two to three hours before bed. If you are hungry later, have a light snack—a small piece of fruit or a few spoonfuls of unsweetened cereal with a bit of almond milk, or simply sip a small cup of hot chamomile tea.
Avoid caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol for five hours before bedtime. For some, this is less of an issue. Learn to notice your body after you have caffeine. It may seem like no big deal, but try and also notice your mind and speech. Do you think more, or faster? Maybe not so good before sleep.
Drink plenty of water during the day so you don’t need to drink much at night; ideally, you should not need to get up for the toilet during your sleep time.
Make your bedroom a sanctuary. Use soft light, and keep it clean, inviting, quiet, and relaxing. Try to avoid having electronic devices in the room. If you do, keep them as far from you as possible, and maybe even cover them with a nice fabric. I had a TV in my room for a while, just to watch movies sometimes. Since I rarely used it, it had a nice Indian fabric covering it, giving a peaceful atmosphere.
Use your bed for sleeping and sex only. Read, work, watch TV, and fold laundry elsewhere. This way your body will recognize that being in bed means sleeping.
Take a hot bath an hour before bed. The drop in body temperature will make you feel sleepy, and it is nice to get into a clean bed with a clean body.
Develop bedtime routines. Listen to quiet music, sit silently, read something calming, or massage your body with oil. This is good for you in general. It helps you to relax, have a nice ending to your day, and it can help give a sense of closure to all the activities of the day. I notice that when I do this, I feel much better, especially since I don’t feel anymore that my days are just blended one into the next.
Do not turn on lights during the night, even if you have to go to the bathroom. Exposure to light during the night impairs melatonin production, which is crucial for a good night’s sleep.
Get some sunlight as soon as the sun is up, as it will help set your biological clock.
A good night’s sleep is the secret to a happy and productive day. It is the time our body takes to restore and rejuvenate. Our night depends on the day we had, and the next day depends on how well our previous night was.
Sleep, like savasana (corpse pose) in yoga, is a place to have a good nothing—a place to surrender and just allow deep relaxation. So from now on, I wish you “a good nothing.”
Review of Sleep Hygiene or Tips for a Good Night’s Sleep
If needed, as an extra measure:
Cleanliness and Skin Care
This may seem obvious to some, but keeping a clean body, clean clothes, and clean surroundings is key to happiness and a healthy body. When cleaning anything, it should be done from a place of gratitude. I have never had a cleaning service for where I live. I do my cleaning a bit as a workout—cleaning mirrors like Karate Kid, scrubbing the bathtub, and wiping surfaces. I do it with passion and power. Some part of cleaning is meditative for me—vacuuming, dusting, washing dishes, and folding laundry. These activities offer me an opportunity to practice gratitude for all the things I use: the floor, carpet, sink, toilet, kitchen, and so on.
Even if you do have some of your cleaning taken care of by others, there will always be things you need to do yourself. Keeping everything clean and tidy regularly allows you to keep clean and organized in the mind. If you go to bed with a dirty sink, then that is what you will have to see in the morning. If you leave clothes on the floor, the next day you will wake up to a messy room. And for many this becomes a pattern, and the mess increases over time. As it increases in your outer world, so it may increase within your mind too. You do not need to become fanatic or germ phobic, but use common sense and keep things clean and in order on a regular basis.
Taking showers regularly, as well as using a cloth for scrubbing the skin at least once a week, is very important. After scrubbing the skin, make sure to moisturize it, ideally with oils. A combination of sesame and coconut will work for most people. You can also mix in almond oil, as well as your favorite essential oil (e.g., lavender, lemongrass) for scent if you like. Keep your hair, nails, and ears clean as well.
Here are two Ayurvedic practices I find useful:
Tongue Scraping
If you look at your tongue in the morning, you may find it has a white coating on it. This coating is bacteria, dead cells, fungi, and toxins that the body does not need, known in Ayurveda as ama. Cleaning the tongue in the morning is a good practice for aiding the body to rid itself of unnecessary toxins. The simple way to do it is to scrape some of it off, using your toothbrush after you brush your teeth. This is good, but the toothbrush is not made for a spongy surface, such as the tongue. There are tools made specifically for tongue scraping, which are inexpensive and more effective than the toothbrush. The common tool is a curvy piece of metal or plastic that is dragged from the rear of the tongue forward, to scrape off the toxins. This may help with bad breath as well as improving overall health and even refining your sense of taste. I highly recommend scraping the tongue every morning.
Oil Pulling
Since the mouth in general hosts lots of bacteria, it can be extremely beneficial to clean it. Scraping your tongue and brushing your teeth are important, but another practice you may consider is oil pulling. Oil pulling is a practice of swooshing oil around the mouth for twenty minutes so that the oil pulls out the unnecessary toxins with the saliva. You can use sesame or coconut oil for this. Personally, I prefer the taste of coconut oil. First thing in the morning, before you drink any liquids or eat any food, take a teaspoon of coconut oil and place it in your mouth. For me, half a teaspoon works just fine, as I produce a lot of saliva. The oil may be solid or liquid; either way is fine. It will dissolve soon enough. Swoosh it around for twenty minutes and then spit it out into the trashcan. Rinse with warm water that has a quarter teaspoon of baking soda dissolved in it. You can do this every morning while you shower, make your bed, or do light stretches.
Review of Cleanliness and Skin Care