If you have ever wondered why you grieve differently from others you know, or why someone you love is not reacting to the same loss in the same way as you, you are not alone. Perhaps you are curious about why the majority of your clients show deep feelings about their losses, yet others seem scarcely affected. Or, maybe you are concerned about those hospice bereavement cases that do not respond to any of your offers of support, even though, given the nature of the death, your team may have “coded” them as being “at risk.” This book addresses these and other issues concerning grief and loss. But first, we establish the foundation for our efforts and define terms.
Chapter 1 introduces the thesis for the rest of the book—that individuals grieve differently and that two basic patterns can be drawn from the literature and from case reports. Furthermore, neither of these two patterns is necessarily desirable over or superior to the other. The book traces the history and development of the thesis and briefly describes the instrumental and intuitive patterns of grief. The chapter concludes with an outline of the book.
Chapter 2 revisits the many definitions and various aspects of grief, grieving, mourning, loss, and bereavement. After a review of existing models, a new way of understanding grief is introduced that is based on the creation and distribution of energy. The chapter goes on to explain how and why this energy manifests differently from person to person.
Chapter 3 reintroduces the instrumental and intuitive patterns of grief and differentiates between the two patterns by the experience of grief, the expression of grief, and primary and secondary adaptive strategies. This chapter further explores the more commonly recognized intuitive pattern.
The fourth chapter explores in some depth the instrumental pattern, particularly emphasizing distinct aspects and variations within that pattern. The chapter concludes with a brief discussion of a blended pattern of grief that combines, to a greater or lesser degree, elements of both the instrumental and intuitive patterns.
The final chapter in the section, Chapter 5, explores disordered variants of the patterns. It begins by differentiating maladaptive or “dissonant” patterns from initial responses to a loss and introduces several types of dissonant patterns. This chapter also ties certain male dissonant patterns to the notion of gender role strain. The section ends by considering the relationship of dissonant patterns to complicated mourning.
Is the zeitgeist or spirit of the times right for such an understanding of grief, as well as for the general premise of the patterns of grief? For example, it is quite possible that the enthusiastic responses to concepts such as “death as taboo” or “disenfranchised grief” would have been substantially muted during less favorable historical times. Likewise, there have been periods where a more rigid concept of grief may have prevailed. Many may find our ideas questionable, yet there is a tremendous heuristic value in proffering these novel and (some would say) risky hypotheses. You, the reader, must be the judge.