Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing, there is a field. I will meet you there …
—Rumi
EXPLORING THE long-forbidden frontier of the anus and learning to enjoy anal stimulation are not essential to the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony, but I encourage all lovers, whatever their sexual orientation, to set aside anal taboos. The anus, composed of erectile tissues that are charged with nerve endings, has the potential to provide unique, ecstatic sensations, and it goes without saying that the organ’s proximity to the genitals also renders it impossible to ignore! After all, the anus is a part of our anatomy, and anal stimulation—whether it leads to penetration or not—can be considered another option in the vast repertoire of pleasures that lovers may enjoy during the Sexual Ceremony.
Part of the goal of this chapter is to dismantle the taboos that surround the “rosebud” (as it is affectionately called by the British)—taboos that inhibit many from partaking in the ecstatic joys of anal stimulation. Because many lovers avoid the anus for fear of encountering feces, this chapter also explores methods of anal hygiene in preparation for the pleasures that lie ahead on our sexual horizons.
Because the anus is a source of shame and inhibition for many, verbal or physical consent is crucial before attempting to give or receive any form of anal stimulation, even between partners who are normally receptive to such pleasures. As needs and desires change from day to day, what gives someone bliss one day might not be the case the next.
The sexual preferences and behaviors of pre-Abrahamic cultures were influenced less by questions of morality than by freely chosen personal tastes. The Greeks and Romans did not consider the anus a taboo area, nor did they associate anally derived pleasures solely with homosexuality. However shocking it may be to us today, pederasty between a teacher and his students was seen as a means to impart wisdom. In his The History of Sexuality, a three-volume work published between 1976 and 1984, the philosopher Michel Foucault explains that there were no homosexuals in the ancient world, only homosexual acts and practices. What we call bisexuality today was considered to be a normal expression of sexuality—a natural, erotic response to truth, beauty, and virtue. Homosexual acts between sexually mature adults, male or female, were tolerated, if not accepted, although those who engaged exclusively in same-sex relations were viewed under slightly less favorable terms. The most blatant exception to this rule can be found in Plato’s The Symposium. Plato argued that armies should ideally be composed of same-sex lovers. The Sacred Band of Thebes was formed with three hundred male soldiers who met this prerequisite; they were renowned in the ancient world for their dauntless courage in battle. I like to believe that it was the invaluable sentiment of love and their vital desire to continue loving that led these men to be such heroic fighters!
The decline of the Roman Empire saw the rise of Christianity, marking the fall of the Western world’s freedom of sexual expression. By 500 A.D., sodomy had become synonymous with sin, as did same-sex relations and any other sexual behavior enjoyed purely for the sake of pleasure and not for procreation. Of course, this did not put an end to sex for the sake of sex, but it became the foundation for the pleasure taboo.
The term “homosexual,” relating to the homosexual identity as we understand it today, did not emerge until the end of the nineteenth century. It is attributed to British physician, psychologist, and social reformer Havelock Ellis, the author of Sexual Inversion. Written in 1896, this was the first medical textbook to deal objectively with homosexuality.
Austrian psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud was the first sexual researcher to take an openly positive stance in regard to anal eroticism, but his conclusions were limited to childhood development. He concluded that children instinctively procure auto-gratification via the erogenous zones of the body in three stages—beginning with the mouth at birth (the oral stage), the anus at approximately one and a half years (the anal stage), and finally the genitals, at approximately three years (the phallic stage).
According to Freud, during the anal stages of infantile sexuality, both anal sensations and anal functions (the expulsion or retention of feces) become a child’s psychosexual obsession. Freud declared the pleasures thus derived to be natural, even fundamental, aspects of childhood development. He reduced the derivation of anally derived pleasure in sexually mature adults, on the other hand, to childish behavior—the consequence of developmental arrest during the anal stage of development.
Freud openly declared that same-sex attraction between humans is natural, and that bisexuality is innate, but like his contemporaries, he failed to more profoundly address, much less advocate, the equally controversial topic of anal eroticism in adults. To do so at the turn of the twentieth century would undoubtedly have posed a certain risk, considering that sodomy was still deemed to be abnormal and even pathological. Anyone who engaged in such pleasures, male or female, was at peril of being persecuted, put under medical treatment, or both. Freud’s failure to address the topic of anal pleasure in sexually mature adults may have also been defensive. His homosexual inclinations, in particular toward his disciples Sándor Ferenczi and Carl Jung, are not the best-kept secrets.
It was not until the sexual liberation movement went into full swing at the end of the 1960s that sociosexual mores would begin to change. But certain behaviors remain controversial, including sodomy and same-sex relations. In spite of Gay Pride, which was jump-started by the Stonewall riots on June 29, 1969, in New York City, persecution of homosexuals is still promulgated in the medical and psychiatric spheres, and clinics that claim to “cure” homosexuality still exist. Due in part to the fact that information concerning anal health and pleasure is still mostly confined to the male homosexual community, the myths and misconceptions surrounding the topic of anal sex have yet to be completely debunked.
While heterosexual men may be reluctant to receive anal stimulation, they have been traditionally much less hesitant about providing it for their female partners. There is probably not a single culture that has not recognized anal sex as the most obvious way to partake in the pleasures of penetration with women without paying the procreative consequences. (In reality, anal sex is not 100 percent effective as a form of birth control. If semen leaks out of the anus, eager sperm may also swim into the Fallopian tubes via the crimson warmth of the uterus, where their sole mission in life may be accomplished—union with a ready ovum.)
Most straight men are reluctant to engage in anal stimulation, believing that if they accept and enjoy anal contact, their female partner will accuse them of “being gay,” or that they will “turn” homosexual. But it should be understood that this pleasure is not the sole provenance of the homosexual male! Charged with nerve endings, the anus is capable of providing intensely pleasant sensations. Penetrating the anus also happens to be the only direct way to access a man’s prostate gland or P-spot (the anatomical equivalent of the female G-spot) and revel in the deep, full-body sensations that manual stimulation can provide.
Before the discovery of the female prostate, the anus was considered to be the only part of the sexual anatomy that both men and women had, and therefore the only source of sexual pleasure that might be physically compared. As with the idea of female ejaculation, disconcerting gender similarities may be one subtle reason that anal sex became, and remains deeply rooted in, taboo.
The functions of the rectum and anus to retain and eliminate waste is the least subtle reason why many consider these bodily parts with repulsion and shame. This primal aversion is ingrained in each of us; even the most sexually liberated of parents will unthinkingly transmit the anal taboo to their children. The slightest grimace of disgust, repeated during diaper change after diaper change, day after day for at least two years of every child’s life, is bound to make an impact on the way that child feels about the anus and its function by the time he or she reaches adulthood. (Parents, make a conscious effort to smile at your babies during diaper changes, and you will make a proactive gesture toward dismantling the anal taboo in subsequent generations.)
Another fear that inhibits lovers from engaging in anal sex, no matter their gender or sexual orientation, is that the practice will inevitably entail pain. It’s true that the sensitive anus can be a source of extreme agony when mistreated. But when it is approached with care, skill, and consent, the anus can provide equally extreme degrees of pleasure! Extended playtime and heightened states of arousal will cause the anus to swell and dilate, just like the genitals, rendering it receptive to stimulation. Having something enter or exit your anus is easier upon your exhalation, so it is important to remember to breathe! If you are the one providing the pleasure, let your partner’s breath be your guide. Because the anus does not self-lubricate like the vagina, the abundant use of lubricants is essential to pleasurable anal stimulation.
Silicone-, glycerin-, or water-based lubricants eliminate the friction that we associate with discomfort. It also eliminates the chafing and irritation that may be experienced with the use of latex condoms, with the added advantage of minimizing condom breakage. While saliva will do in a pinch if a partner is highly aroused, receptive, and therefore dilated, it is not as effective as lubricants designed specifically for enhanced sexual pleasure.
Oil-based lubricants such as olive oil or the baking ingredient Crisco (a hydrogenated oil) are not safe alternatives to lubrication. As conducive as they may be to penetration, they leave insoluble residues in the anal (or vaginal) canal that are difficult for the body to eliminate. And oils are not latex friendly! This includes “baby oil”—a common bedside component. The use of oils in the boudoir should be reserved for the purpose of massaging the body, not the genitals or the anus.
The digestive tract begins with the mouth and ends with the anus. It includes the stomach, small intestine, large intestine, rectum, and anal canal, sometimes called the lower rectum. Two muscles, the internal and the external anal sphincters, surround the margin of the anus. Our ability to consciously relax the external sphincter muscles, which are composed of skeletal, or striated, muscle and so lie under our voluntary control, is essential to regulating the pleasures of anal penetration. The internal anal sphincter, composed of smooth muscle, is an involuntary muscle that works in tandem with the external sphincter and can therefore also be coaxed to cooperate.
The best example of the difference between internal and external anal sphincter control manifests itself when the brain receives the impulse to evacuate. The internal anal sphincter reflexively holds back the fecal material. Under normal conditions, we go immediately to the toilet; but if that release is not readily available, we are obliged to hold it by tightening the external sphincter muscles until we can find relief. Those who practice the genital gym, described in the chapter “The Genital Gym: Strengthening the Pubococcygeal Muscle,” will develop greater sphincter muscle awareness and control, which is crucial to the pleasures of anal penetration.
Before proceeding, it’s important to mention the potential but avoidable hazards of anal sex. When anal stimulation or penetration is practiced without barriers, it becomes the highest-risk form of intimate contact. The tissues of the anus, anal canal, and rectum are as capable of transmitting and contracting venereal disease as the vagina, and unsafe anal penetration remains the most common means of HIV transmission. The delicate tissues of that area are extremely fragile, increasing the likelihood of encountering blood, the most efficient carrier of the HIV virus. Lovers who are not bound by an exclusive and safe fluid-exchange agreement must protect themselves with a barrier at all times.
Barriers serve not only to prevent the transmission of STDs but also to provide a sensation of cleanliness. Those who are fearful of encountering feces will feel more at ease when barriers are used, and therefore more receptive to pleasure. In addition, fecal matter, only considered erotic by scatophiles, is potentially dangerous; even healthy feces can contain toxins and bacteria.
Condoms, dental dams, and latex gloves are a must if anal pleasures are part of the ceremonial plan. And be prepared: make sure your barriers are close at hand before the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony begins.
Uninhibited aficionados of anal sex are likely to enjoy the pleasures of anilingus, also called “rimming.” Unless a thorough anal cleansing has been done and partners have a safe fluid-exchange agreement, those who enjoy oral-to-anal contact should always protect each other with barriers. Anilingus presents exactly the same risks as oral-to-genital contact, and the best way to avoid these risks is through the use of dental dams. These thin sheets of latex can be stretched over the anus to keep the tongue, lips, and mouth from contacting germs and fecal matter. Ordinarily used by dentists to isolate a tooth or teeth from the rest of the oral cavity, dental dams may be purchased on the Internet, in some sex shops, and in any dental supply store.
If you don’t have a dam, and you are uncertain that the person you are “consuming” is disease free, a sheet of plastic wrap (yes, the kind that preserves food) can be used as an equally effective means of preserving your health and the health of your partner. A condom can also be used. To create a dam from a condom, cut off its tip with a pair of sharp scissors. Then cut the resulting tube in half. This will create a latex sheet that will allow you to engage in safe rimming. Condoms designed specifically for women have a wide brim and may also be used for anal play. Unfortunately, these condoms are not as easy to find as they should be.
To create a dam from a latex glove, first cut away the four fingers, then cut the glove in half, straight down the side and opposite the thumb, which should be left intact (leave enough material to provide sufficient coverage). The result is a sheet of latex with an attached, closed funnel, which can be used to anchor the dam inside the anus. The “glove dam” will allow you to penetrate orally with greater ease than a flat barrier and with less risk. But don’t forget: if the glove contains talc, before using it as a dam, rinse it with warm, soapy water and pat dry.
Before using any oral barrier, mark the side that will not come into contact with the body with a waterproof pen. Otherwise your good intentions to “play safe” are all for naught! Also apply a thin layer of lubrication to the anal area, which will cause the barrier to adhere to the skin. If using a “glove dam,” apply abundant lubrication to the closed funnel shape as well before inserting it into the anus.
During manual stimulation or penetration of the anus, I highly recommend that you wear talc-free latex gloves. They prevent the delicate tissues of the receiver’s anus from being unintentionally damaged by a fingernail and protect the provider from bacterial infection. Keep in mind that even minor scratches or micro-abrasions on the hands may allow germs to enter the body. No matter how small anal injuries may be, their healing is a long and uncomfortable process. Needless to say, any form of anal contact should be avoided in the presence of wounds; the healing process would be aggravated by the stimulations of sexual activity.
Plugs, prostate stimulators, vibrators, beads, and dilettos that are designed specifically for anal penetration either have a graduated or flared end or they are long enough to hold a generous portion of the total length firmly in hand. This prevents them from slipping into the rectum or beyond, and thereby guarantee that you won’t find yourself in the emergency room!
If your partner is female, consider providing her with double the pleasure, letting her experience an unequivocal sense of fullness through the simultaneous penetration of both the anus and the vagina with the help of a diletto. The G-spot will receive a delightful degree of pressure that will flood the female prostate with ejaculate fluid.
If you are inserting into the anus any object other than fingers, a penis, or a strap-on diletto that has an ergonomic form, proceed with care and patience. Remember that the walls of the rectum require time to conform to the inserted object. If your lover is feeling anything but pleasure and emotional bliss, slow down. Never fail to respect your partner’s wishes if he or she asks you to exit altogether.
While the use of barriers will reduce tensions and inhibitions that many lovers associate with anal stimulation, the only way to completely extinguish the fear of encountering feces is to eliminate them from the rectum altogether. Making simple cleansing preparations before the Sexual Ceremony will facilitate your own and your lover’s comfort and sense of security.
Anal cleanliness begins from within. The way in which we nourish ourselves determines not only how we look and feel but how our digestive tract functions, too. The more balanced our diets are, the cleaner the entire organism will be. A high-fiber diet makes for more solid excrement, which is easier for the body to eliminate and less likely to leave traces in the digestive tract. This kind of feces is a sign of intestinal health and nutritional balance. Soft feces are often a result of an unbalanced, low-fiber diet and can generate serious health problems over time. Their presence in the intestine is often accompanied with a sense of bloating, which may reduce our libido. A well-balanced, high-fiber diet should thus be considered essential to both general and sexual health.
The last organ to hold fecal material after its passage through the colon is the rectum. In your preparation for the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony, douching will cleanse this area as well as the lower rectum (also termed the anal canal) and the anus. If it is performed an hour or so before the ceremony commences, it will stimulate bowel movement, thereby completely emptying the large intestine—a liberating feeling that is also conducive to the libido. Regardless of whether or not partners intend to engage in anal stimulation, this form of hygiene provides an overall sense of cleanliness and well-being, which always promotes sexual satisfaction.
Note that anal douching is not the same as deep colon cleansing, a.k.a. hydrocolonic cleansing or colonic irrigation. Deep colon cleansing, a treat for the body, is the work of a specialist and entails having large quantities of lukewarm water filtered through the rectum into the sigmoid colon, the S-shaped curve of the large intestine that lies closest to the rectum, and possibly farther, and then extracted again. As recovery from this cleansing and the reacclimatizing of the digestive system can take a few days, I recommend it as a longer-term treatment before the Sexual Ceremony—a gift to yourself during the change of seasons, for example, as it hydrates the entire body, eliminates toxins, and generates a healthy glow.
Mae West’s Beauty Secret
Compared to deep colon cleansing, anal douching involves filtering only small quantities of water through the anus into the rectum, so it can be performed in the comfort of your own bathroom. A rectal douche is within the realm of possibility in a daily health regimen—actress Mae West declared that anal douching, which she integrated into her daily beauty routine, was the secret behind her impeccable complexion. Another health benefit that anal douching rewards us with is relief from the symptoms of anal tension, including constipation.
As one of the most sensitive areas of the body, the anus, like the stomach and the intestines, is extremely susceptible to the repercussions of stress and negative energy. Anal tension is a common side effect of anxiety; it can cause intestinal irritation as well as constipation, leading to any number of conditions, including hemorrhoids. These conditions decrease the libido and, thus, anal receptivity. The more relaxed and healthy we feel in general, the more likely we are to be receptive to any form of sexual stimulation.
Enema bulbs and “pears” are the most common douching devices; vaginal pears can also be used anally. However, do not use the same device to administer both anal and vaginal douches. Note that vaginal douching disturbs the natural pH balance of the vagina, increasing the likelihood of infections. Unlike rectal douching, it should only be practiced under the recommendation of a doctor to treat specific medical conditions.
Enema bags, which usually hold one quart of liquid, are not only more time-consuming to use but increase the likelihood that water will fill the rectum and seep into the sigmoid colon. Being that it will take the body longer to eliminate the excess water, the use of enema bags is therefore not recommended prior to the Sexual Ceremony.
Water is the ideal solution for anal douching. Commercial douching solutions and enemas contain chemicals and so should be avoided; the chemicals will be absorbed into your system, altering the pH of the intestinal tract and its natural functions. If you purchase traditional enema bulbs containing douche solutions, empty their contents and refill them with clean, warm water.
The ideal water temperature for rectal douching is that of your body temperature, 98.6°F (37°C). Water that is too cold will cause cramping, and water that is too hot can damage the delicate tissues. Run the water over your inner wrist to ensure that it is as close to body temperature as possible before filling your douching device.
Ready, Steady, Breathe
When you’re ready to give yourself a douche, follow these directions: Fill your douching device with no more than about one cup of water. (More may result in water entering the sigmoid colon and stimulating the peristaltic action of the entire intestine.) Lubricate both the nozzle of the enema bulb and your anus. Spread a towel on the bathroom floor, lie down on your left side, which eases pressure on the lower digestive tract, and make yourself comfortable. Remember that having something enter or exit your anus is easier upon your exhalation, so when you are ready, breathe out while inserting the nozzle into your anus. Relax into the sensations that penetrating the organ generates, then gradually fill the rectum with water. Your body will tell you when you reach rectal capacity by stimulating peristalsis—the evacuation reflex. Thereupon, go immediately to the toilet.
During the first cleansing you will probably also release feces that were lingering in the rectum. Resume your relaxed, supine position and repeat the process. It may take another douche or two to complete the entire elimination. Depending on how you feel, you may stop at any time. Once every trace of fecal matter held in the rectum has exited the body, the water you pass will look clear. Always wait about thirty to sixty minutes after douching before you engage in anal play, in order to be certain that all of the liquid has been eliminated from your system.
Rinse and Repeat
An easy, effective, and time-efficient alternative to traditional douching devices like pears and bulbs is the shower douche, a device designed to screw directly onto the end of a flexible shower hose, in place of the showerhead. It normally has a tubular-shaped nozzle, but it may also take the form of an anal plug. Shower douches are available today through most male-oriented sex shops, as well as online, but equally effective results may be attained through the following procedure, if you have a showerhead attached to a flexible hose.
First unscrew the showerhead. If the attachment has a loose rubber seal, set that aside in order to avoid its slipping down the drain. Adjust the temperature of the water and its pressure so that it exits the hose at the slowest jet possible. While sitting on the edge of the bathtub, or assuming a squatting position in the shower, position the end of the hose against—not inside—the anal orifice. Allow the water to gradually fill the anal canal and rectum. This will take only a few seconds. Exercise control over your sphincter muscles, and go straight to the toilet. Repeat the process, until clear water exits the body.
If you suffer from anal anxiety, you may not wish to do any form of anal douching, even though it is the most effective way to ensure cleanliness; however, no one should feel obliged to undergo the procedure. Fecal particles can, in fact, also be removed manually while you are bathing or showering. Manual cleansing also provides an excellent opportunity to develop a greater sense of anal awareness and acceptance. Take care to avoid letting soap enter the anal canal, as it is likely to irritate the tissues of the rectum. Establish a deep, regular breathing pattern to relax mind and body; upon exhalation, penetrate the anus with your middle finger; and remove any stagnant fecal matter. You may find there is actually very little residue in the anal canal if you are eating a high-fiber diet and your feces are solid. For optimal hygiene and to keep fingernails from injuring tender tissues, use latex gloves.
Being that excrement moves continuously through the small intestine into the colon and the rectum, anal cleansing, no matter the method you prefer, can be repeated during intermissions of lengthy sexual rituals, if and when the need arises.
Once the “rosebud” has been cleansed, it can be approached with peace of mind. Novices to the pleasures of anal stimulation may learn to explore the anus in the solo masturbation ritual before incorporating anal play into the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony, and I hope that you find that bonding with this part of your sexual anatomy is more pleasurable than you ever imagined!
Use a handheld mirror to look at your anus while exploring its outer area manually. Use plenty of lubrication and take your time. When you feel ready, proceed inward to discover the anal canal and the soft walls of the rectum. The anus itself represents the greatest concentration of nerve endings in the anal area, so keep in mind that the rectum, like the vagina, is more sensitive in its first third of depth, as measured from the collar of the anus. Become aware of all of the sensations that stimulating and penetrating the orifice provides. As you learn to accept the sensitive organ as an ally in pleasure, the anxieties you may have associated with it will gradually dissolve.
The following guidance to anal play is from the point of view of the provider of such pleasures; if your erotic desire is to be on the receiving end, these instructions will provide insight into how you can direct your lover. If you are disinclined to explore anal play, please don’t skip over this section! Reading through it will help you to understand why others desire such pleasures—and it is through this kind of understanding that we evolve further along our own sexual paths.
If you are playing with a partner who is normally receptive to anal stimulation, remember that it is still important to obtain his or her consent before engaging in anal play. If you know your lover well enough to read his or her body language, this can be as simple as gently testing your partner’s receptivity. Otherwise, ask for permission. If your partner is in the mood, apply lubricant and take the time to tantalize and entice the anus to reception with the tips of your fingers, your tongue, or your lips. If your intention is to penetrate your lover’s anus, these pleasures must be considered essential preliminaries.
Invitation to Advance
Once your consenting lover is genuinely relaxed and aroused, and his or her anus has swollen to receptive excitement, you may attempt to advance inward. Before proceeding to do so, abundant lubrication should be reapplied externally and, ideally, internally, too. This is possible through the use of lubrication syringes, which may be purchased in male-oriented sex shops or on the Internet. Traditional syringes will also work equally well. Once you have removed and properly disposed of the needle, fill the syringe with lubricant.
Ask your aroused lover to take a deep breath and hold it for a few seconds before exhaling. Upon his or her exhalation, slowly insert the tip of the syringe into the anus and inject the lubricant. Set the syringe aside nearby, as you may need to make consecutive applications as the ritual proceeds. Anal penetration should always be slow-going, while communication should always be free-flowing.
You can now stimulate the entryway to the anal canal. If your lover is a novice, invite him or her to take a deep breath, and upon the exhalation, penetrate his or her anus by applying light pressure to its center with the tip of the middle finger. The middle finger is an ideal tool for the initial phases of penetration (some lovers consider it to be the only tool!). Those who enjoy being penetrated with more than one finger, or with a penis or dilettos, will still usually need to be dilated with a smaller object first. The middle finger serves this purpose well.
Once inside, gradually enter the orifice up to approximately the first knuckle of your middle finger—then don’t move. Stay still, and allow your lover to ease into the sensations and control the depth of penetration. You will soon feel his or her anal sphincters begin to relax. If you sense that your partner is tense, invite him or her to breathe deeply—filling lungs to capacity, holding the breath briefly at the end of the inhalation, and exhaling slowly while consciously relaxing all of the muscles that compose the genital system, including the sphincters—to facilitate penetration. This manner of breathing will also heighten your partner’s perception of pleasure.
As anal tension subsides, continue to massage the walls of the anal canal slowly and patiently. Stroke its muscular walls in circular patterns, but patiently refrain from advancing inward. (Remember that no one is obliged to accept penetration, but if your lover is enjoying what you are doing, he or she is likely to beg you to proceed!)
Grant Your Lover’s Wishes
Once you feel the walls relax, you may begin to move gradually inward. Be aware of his or her breathing pattern at all times. If your lover forgets to breathe regularly, remind him or her to do so. Continue massaging the muscular anal canal in circular patterns while working inward gradually and lovingly.
If at any moment your lover seems to be experiencing anything but pleasure and emotional bliss, slow down. If your lover doesn’t ease into the sensations, ask what you can do to make him or her more comfortable. If you are asked to stop what you are doing, respect those wishes, and, first inviting your lover to breathe in deeply, exit his or her body upon exhalation as carefully and patiently as you entered.
If, on the other hand, your lover is enjoying the exploration, you may continue on. You will notice that as arousal grows, the sphincter muscles will grow noticeably more supple and receptive, and you will be able to pass into the anal canal and outward again with ease. Allow your lover to guide you both physically and verbally at all times. In preparation for deeper penetration, lubrication can be reapplied if necessary. This time, you will be able to insert the syringe deeper into the anal canal; slowly inject its entire contents directly into the rectum. Remove the syringe on your lover’s exhalation and proceed to re-penetrate the anus, granting your lover’s wishes.
Once you have penetrated the entire length of the anal canal, you may have the opportunity to explore the soft walls of the rectum, as long as your lover is receptive. Make a mental note of its shape and its sweet curve. Your understanding of its particularities will be important if you plan to engage in more advanced play, especially if it involves the use of dilettos, which may not correspond exactly to its curve. Always make sure that the anus is well dilated before inserting a diletto, penis, or more than one finger.
Note that when the genitals are stimulated during anal penetration, by either of you, the anal sphincters will clamp firmly down around your finger (or other object of penetration). This reaction should not be confused with anal tension. On the contrary, as soon as genital stimulation ceases, you will notice that the sphincters will relax even more, ready to reacquaint themselves with more delightful intrusions.
If your partner is male, his penis may not necessarily become erect during anal penetration, which is not indicative of the degree of pleasure that he is experiencing. Some men simply prefer to revel in one pleasure or the other—the simultaneous provision of anal penetration and genital stimulation can cause sensory overload and distract him from enjoying either pleasure to the fullest.
Whether you are male or female, indulging in the delectable joys of skillful anal penetration can incite unprecedented states of heightened sexual arousal. By setting shame and inhibition aside, we can reap more of the titillating benefits that sexual bliss bestow upon body, mind, and spirit.
The anus provides access to the divine P-spot in men, but if your lover is a woman and thoroughly enjoys anal penetration, once you have dilated her anus enough to penetrate it comfortably, you may use your penis or diletto to target her G-spot through the wall that divides the vaginal canal from the anal canal. Remember that careless anal-to-vaginal contact is likely to cause infection.
If your partner is male and is thoroughly enjoying himself, once the muscular anal canal has been surpassed, you may locate the prostate gland. It lies approximately 3 inches (7 centimeters) inside the anal canal, behind the upper wall of the rectum. It can be found by making a “come hither” gesture with your inserted finger, in the direction of the navel. The prostate gland is often referred to as the “P-spot” to reinforce its similarities with the female G-spot, and, like the female prostate, the male prostate tends to respond better to deep, circular strokes and firm, controlled pressure. Once you have made contact with the organ, take your time to gradually and carefully explore its shape, size, and texture. These characteristics will vary slightly from male to male, but a healthy prostate normally presents itself in a smooth, firm state, with well-rounded contours and a slightly indented center.
With care and erotic intent, proceed to gently massage the prostate along its outer edges, rather than in its center (unless your lover tells you to do otherwise). Its distinctive, ovoid chestnut shape will have become swollen with pleasure. The more a man is aroused, the more blood will rush toward the P-spot, rendering the gland increasingly sensitive. Heightened degrees of arousal also incite the production of ejaculate fluid. While every prostate differs slightly in size and consistency, they all share the same capacity to bestow deeply satisfying sensations.
During prostate stimulation, remain aware of your lover’s responses, and regulate the depth and intensity of the massage accordingly. As long as the receiver is ecstatically reveling, direct contact may continue. Again, let your lover be your guide, verbally and physically, at all times.
As his excitement mounts, you may feel the organ pulsing under your fingertip; this is known as the “prostate flutter.” If the man practices a consciously controlled breathing pattern, the energy now being generated inside the gland may be coaxed to spread throughout the entire body. P-spot stimulation is hailed for sparking deep, full-body pleasure. Some men claim the intensity of the sensations of direct contact with the prostate to be equal, if not superior, to those created by genital stimulation.
During heightened degrees of arousal, men may emit prostate fluid with the P-spot orgasm. Like semen, this fluid is white in color, but its consistency is denser than semen; it actually lends the male emission its distinctive characteristics. P-spot orgasms that result in prostate-fluid emission do not emit sperm and so do not compromise the erection or, therefore, the progression of the Sexual Ceremony.
Prostate massage invites fresh, oxygenated blood to circulate through the gland; it provides sexual pleasure and also keeps the organ toned. While one man learns to appreciate anal penetration and prostate massage, another will remain adamant about not having his anus penetrated, much less his prostate stimulated. But sooner or later, virtually every man will become familiar with his prostate—at the doctor’s office! Prostate problems usually manifest in men over sixty years of age. Could this be due to a lack of prostate stimulation?
If you do not wish to allow your partner to stimulate your prostate gland, you might consider doing so, on your own, during masturbation. This should ideally be done in coordination with exercises detailed in the chapter “The Genital Gym: Strengthening the Pubococcygeal Muscle” in order to heighten your anal awareness and bring fresh, oxygenated blood to the area. This will gradually reduce anal tension and facilitate penetration.
Men, if you are not comfortable with penetration, the prostate can also be located and massaged externally during masturbation, via the perineum, with your fingers or knuckles. During the exercise, the entirety of the lower penile shaft, which extends from the base of the scrotum and down toward the anus, should also be massaged with slow, firm gestures.
When you are well aroused, locate the indentation that lies in the area just above the anus. Firmly press the perineal wall inward and upward until you feel distinct, pulsating sensations emanating from the prostate, then gradually apply deeper pressure to the gland. Folding the knees toward the chest will facilitate access to this portion of the perineum and permit for a deeper massage. Some men find that the area of the perineum that lies closer to the scrotum also provides similar sensations. Explore, and you will discover what works best for you. While the effects of the external stimulation are not as immediate as when the prostate is approached internally, they will provide pleasure all the same. And becoming familiar with and learning to accept this aspect of your sexual anatomy may eventually tempt you to discover the enhanced sensations of prostate massage through anal play.
The ideal position to facilitate anal stimulation and penetration, as well as prostate massage, will differ from person to person. You might like to lie on your back with legs extended and knees bent up toward the chest as described above, or with the feet planted firmly on the surface on which you are lying. The latter position allows you to have greater control over the movement of your hips and, therefore the depth of penetration. You might prefer to position your buttocks on the edge of a bed for the same reasons, as well as to facilitate entry. If you are a novice to anal penetration, you might prefer lying on your back, which has the added advantage of permitting direct eye contact with the provider of your pleasure, and thus both verbal and nonverbal communication. If you are more experienced, you might enjoy being penetrated while bound (see plate VI) or from behind—either while lying flat on your stomach, bending forward and bracing yourself from a standing position, or positioning yourself on all fours.
The anal-penetration aficionado often invests in a sling. This type of hammock is sometimes reinforced to be more flat and rigid. Slings provide numerous advantages beyond easy anal access; most enticingly, because the body is suspended in air, slings induce an immediate feeling of floating relaxation that lends itself to receptivity.
Experimentation will reveal the positions that work best for each individual. No matter the details, anal penetration should always be performed gradually and in harmony with the receiving partner’s needs and desires. However small or large the favored object of penetration may be, if the receiver is fully aroused and relaxed, you will note with delight how his or her sphincter will cease resisting penetration and actually begin to suck the penetrator inward. The depth of the thrusts should then be regulated according to the lover’s needs and desires.
The anal arena should be a source of exhilarating and intensely gratifying pleasure, for both women and men, no matter their sexual orientation. Embrace the anus and the interrelated internal organs as integrated parts of their sexual anatomy, and expand your sexual repertoire!