Is that a pistol in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
—Mae West
THE EMISSION OF SPERM into the outside world is still considered by many as the ultimate symbol of sexual superiority, prowess, and strength—in spite of the fact that it usually marks the abrupt end of any sexual encounter in which males are involved!
Deep pleasure is the raison d’être of the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony, so in discussing male ejaculation control, my use of the terms “control” or “delay” in relation to male emission should not be confused with “denial.” Today, as in historical times, men are often considered to be natural-born lovers, with innate sexual knowledge and skillfulness, and so there is little attention accorded to the subject of heightened male pleasures. But these pleasures, which stem from the techniques of ejaculation delay, are central to the elaboration of the Sexual Ceremony. While the techniques described within this chapter are male oriented, female partners are equally responsible for the positive evolution of the Sexual Ceremony and can learn how to help to execute some of them with their male partners—a shared act that can be as much an aphrodisiac as a bonding experience!
Controlling ejaculation, or riding the crest of the orgasmic wave until the conclusive orgasm, permits men to mount sexual tension to higher, more ecstatic degrees over long periods of ever-more-pleasurable stimulation and results in the enhancement of all sensory pleasures, including orgasms. Its related counterpart, the internal orgasm, is hailed not only for instilling heightened degrees of sexual satisfaction and avoiding the “little death” but also for the fact that it permits men to obtain multiorgasmic equality with their female counterparts. This would seem to be reason enough for every Western male to embark upon an alternative-orgasm mission, but most men continue to believe that their relatively fast ejaculation is the pinnacle of the sexual experience and that multi-orgasmic pleasures are the sole domain of the uninhibited, sexually experienced woman.
As described in the chapter “The Genital Gym: Strengthening the Pubococcygeal Muscle,” learning to control and strengthen the pubococcygeal (PC) muscle is indispensable to the ability to delay the ejaculation reflex. Along with a skilled administration of full-body sensations, PC muscle control also enhances excitement throughout the pleasurably long period of arousal that constitutes the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony.
Practitioners of the Tao of Loving consider a man’s capacity to control the ejaculation reflex as crucial to the mutual attainment of sexual satisfaction. Devotees of Tantric ritual sex, which is called Yoni Puja, or “the Cult of the Vagina,” also place an emphasis on the importance of ejaculation delay for enhanced pleasure—of benefit to the physical as well as spiritual well-being of both partners.
After the art of meditation, both Tantrists and Taoists hail ejaculation control as the most immediate path to transcendental pleasures and spiritual illumination. This is in striking contrast to the Judeo-Christian patriarchs, who, in order to come closer to God, propagated the idea that abstinence is the only way to avoid wasteful, unholy ejaculations.
Judeo-Christian superiors-cum-saints understood only part of the issue. It is a fact that in avoiding ejaculation, men can avoid its exhausting side effects. Even though a single emission may seem insignificant, the average amount being only one or two teaspoons of fluid, it contains anywhere from 50 to 250 million sperm, all leaving the body at an average speed of 28 miles per hour (45 kilometers per hour)! This represents an astronomical dispersion of creative energy potential and helps to explain why men often demand immediate rest following ejaculation. This aftereffect of sex, sometimes called “the little death,” is no doubt the reason why sperm is considered a precious force not to be wasted by virtually every culture—pornography notwithstanding.
The ultimate goal of the techniques of ejaculation control developed by both the Tantrists in India and the Taoists in China was the internal orgasm, or the disassociation of the orgasm and ejaculation reflexes (not to be confused with internal ejaculation). Usually, the ejaculation reflex occurs when semen, containing sperm and male hormones such as testosterone, exits the prostate gland and fills the urethral canal. During an internal orgasm, the man restrains this reflex, augmenting the ecstatic sensations of orgasm that are generated in part by the vibration, or fluttering, of the prostate gland. These sensations can be experienced over and over again during prolonged periods of arousal, as long as the ejaculation reflex is kept under control and seminal fluid is not allowed to exit the prostate gland and move toward the urethral opening. To ride the crest of the orgasmic wave, rather than succumb to the ejaculation reflex, is the essence of the internal orgasm. It is also the foundation of the multiple orgasm, or the “valley orgasm,” as the Taoists poetically describe it. Men who learn to experience multiple internal orgasms describe the satiating pleasures they provide in terms similar to those used by multiorgasmic women.
Being that the topic of internal orgasm merits more attention than space here allows, this chapter concentrates on the techniques that allow men to control the ejaculation reflex, which is essential to the elaboration of the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony (except for female-to-female encounters). Most of these techniques are directly related to the Taoist and Tantric disciplines of internal emission, so with diligent practice, it is not unlikely that men will eventually experience the ecstatic effects of the internal orgasm. Those who wish to master the techniques of internal orgasm to perfection should consider seeking guidance from a skilled master in the Tantric or Taoist arts of loving.
To practice the methods of male ejaculation control, men must learn to recognize and respond to the sensations that lead up to what is known as “the point of no return,” as Dr. William Masters and Virginia Johnson named it in the 1970s. The first phase of the orgasm reflex is signaled when the sperm exit the testicles and begin their outward journey. The second phase is signaled when the seminal fluid enters the prostate gland. Its exit from the prostate gland, filling the urethral canal, puts the prostate gland under pressure and prompts the ejaculation reflex.
Learning to recognize the signs and sensations that lead up to the point of no return is crucial to the evolution of the Sexual Ceremony. Before ejaculation, a muscle known as the cremaster, located within the scrotum, contracts involuntarily, causing the interior walls of the scrotum to retract into the inner walls of the pelvic area. This pulls the testicles upward toward the body—one visible sign of imminent ejaculation. If lovers do not heed this warning sign, the sperm will continue their outward journey. Once they exit the prostate gland, it is next to impossible to prevent the emission of seminal fluid into the outside world.
The clear, slippery fluid colloquially known as pre-cum is another sign of imminent ejaculation. Some men emit this fluid long before they actually ejaculate, but either way its manifestation is a clear indication of a heightened degree of arousal. Lovers must gauge the administration of sensations in such a way as to avoid taking an aroused partner over the edge before the Sexual Ceremony is due to end.
Excitement is also indicated by changes in breathing patterns. Some men begin to breathe more rapidly, taking shallow breaths. Some men become more vocal as their pleasure deepens. This being said, other men silently hold their breath! The outward signs of imminent ejaculation vary from man to man, so the better lovers get to know each other, the more adept they will be at reading each other’s body language. Verbal communication is one of the most effective ways for a highly aroused man to avoid having his partner involuntarily push him over the edge of ecstasy, bringing the ceremony to a premature end.
Partake in solo masturbation rituals, men, to learn to avoid the point of no return. No matter the method you use, always remember to stay in the moment and focus your thoughts on the exhilarating sensations that the flux of the sexual energy in the genitals incites. (In other words, don’t follow the common practice of distracting yourself with non-erotic thoughts!) Be aware of your breathing: breathe with deep, steady inhalations and exhalations. This encourages the flow of fresh, oxygenated blood throughout the entire body, enhancing your pleasure as well as your sense of mental presence and clarity, which is essential to the techniques of ejaculation control. And remember not to judge or put yourself under pressure to “perform.” With ecstatic practice, you are guaranteed to become a master of the delights of delay. During the solo masturbation ritual make a point to “peak,” that is, to repeatedly push your orgasmic limit but without going over the edge. Peaking allows you to mount sexual tension gradually and to great heights.
Once you have learned to recognize and respond effectively to your body’s built-in ejaculation messenger, you will be able to share the delights of delay in the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony. When the orgasmic wave is finally permitted to flow and ebb, the radical benefits of delay, in comparison to the fleeting gratification of fast PGO sex, will be evident.
As men begin to master the following techniques, emission may occur not only externally but also internally; that is, semen will not exit the body through the urethral opening. Men may experience sensations that are similar to those they feel when they orgasm in association with the emission of semen, but instead of the fluid exiting the body, it is diverted from the prostate and goes directly into the bladder. The erection will subside, and before the Sexual Ceremony can resume, the man will be obliged to submit to a refractory (or rest) period, exactly as if he had ejaculated externally.
The results of internal emission can be observed: urinate directly afterward into a transparent container, and you will immediately note the cloudiness of your urine, caused by the presence of semen. Internal emission does not present any health risks or other side effects, but it is not the goal of ejaculation control.
Mastering the Pelvic Lock
The techniques of ejaculation control demand a toned PC muscle. All of the techniques of ejaculation control are to be practiced in coordination with the pelvic lock—the conscious contraction of the PC and the sphincter muscles described as the “PC muscle flex” in the chapter “The Genital Gym: Strengthening the Pubococcygeal Muscle.” Men who master the manual techniques in coordination with the pelvic lock may eventually find that executing only the pelvic lock (albeit with acute mental awareness and controlled breathing patterns) will often suffice to inhibit the ejaculation reflex. Refining your skills to this degree has a great advantage—that of leaving your hands free to perform other tantalizing tasks!
Practice the PC muscle flex regularly, and, over time and with practice, avoiding the point of no return will become as simple as refocusing one’s thoughts. Men, to magnify the effects of the pelvic lock, spread your legs wide apart when you tighten the PC and sphincter; this will serve to minimize the pressure that the PC and sphincter muscles usually apply to the prostate and to the vas deferens, the duct that propels semen from the testicles through the male genital organ system, just before ejaculation.
Vibrating with the Finger Lock
Like the pelvic lock, the finger lock manipulates the vas deferens, but it does so through direct pressure. The ancient Taoist master Lu the Immortal ordered his disciples to swear an oath that they would not divulge the potent secret of this technique to the uninitiated. In accordance with the mission of this book, please consider this an initiation, and feel free to divulge!
When executed skillfully, the finger lock inhibits the reflexive contractions of the vas deferens, preventing the outward journey of seminal fluid during both the first and second phases of the orgasm. The portion of the vas deferens that we are concerned with corresponds to an acupuncture point, which is located in the perineal wall, just in front of the anus. Composed of strong, smooth muscles, the vas deferens’s ridged, tubular shape is approximately ⅛ of an inch (3 millimeters) in diameter.
PLATE V IMPLEMENTS FOR PENETRATION
PLATE VI BONDAGE SESSION WITH ANAL PLEASURE
PLATE VII INSTRUMENTS FOR MALE EJACULATION CONTROL
PLATE VIII ROLE-REVERSAL SESSION WITH STRAP-ON DILETTO
Men, as soon as you (or your partner) perceive a sign of imminent ejaculation, press the area in front of the anus firmly with the fingers until the fingertips sink approximately one knuckle deep into the engorged tissues. This procedure, which inhibits emission, can also be used to divert the ejaculate fluid back into the prostatic region (just in the nick of time!). Some men find that using the knuckles rather than the fingertips provides a deeper degree of pressure. Folding the knees up to the chest may also facilitate your reaching this portion of the perineum. With practice, the position and the means that work best for each individual will be revealed.
To ride the crest of the orgasmic wave for as long as you possibly can, keep from ejaculating by concentrating on the sensations evoked by applying pressure to the vas deferens through the perineal wall. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself vibrating to the vigorous pulsations and ecstatic sensations that are produced by the prostate gland during orgasm, but without actually emitting fluid. This is the essence of internal and multiple male orgasms! Breathe deeply, continue to execute the pelvic lock in coordination with the finger lock, and enjoy the ecstatic sensations.
To ensure even more control over the ejaculation reflex, many ancient Taoist texts encourage assuming the hysterical arch, which I call the “control arch” in reference to male lovers: arch your back like a female porn star, clench your teeth, and close your eyes, elongating your neck and pressing your tongue hard against your upper palate. The control arch short-circuits blood flow to the genitals and inhibits orgasm; while it works to the disadvantage of women, in the context of male ejaculation control, this position greatly benefits both ceremonial partners.
The Taoist master Tung recommended another control technique: The man should close his eyes and focus on the sensations. Pressing his tongue against the roof of his mouth, he should bend his back and stretch his neck. Opening his nostrils wide and drawing back his shoulders, he should then close his mouth and draw in his breath through his nostrils. This will stop him from ejaculating and cause his semen to ascend upward.
One of my favorite Taoist lessons involves another acupuncture point: the pin yi, which is located in the middle of the right breast, approximately 2 to 3 inches (5 to 7 centimeters) above the nipple. Pinpoint the location of this sensitive zone within a solo masturbation ritual by applying firm, direct pressure to the area with one or two fingertips. Once you find your pin yi and are illuminated by its power to help you “short-circuit” your emission, enlighten your partner!
Incorporate into your own style any of the gestures that have been explored thus far. By facilitating your ability to delay ejaculation, they will help to make the shared pleasures of your journey into the heights of the now potentially transcendent sexual dimension all the more exciting and fulfilling!
Sharing the Ball Lock
Another manual technique is called the ball lock, which can be employed by the man in question or his partner. As soon as the scrotum begins to draw up close to the body, encircle the entire portion of the scrotum that lies closest to the base of the penis and the perineum with the thumb and forefinger. Carefully trapped in this ringlike grip, the scrotum can be drawn downward and away from the body, inhibiting the sperm from exiting the testicles. Depending on the size of your scrotal sack, you may need to draw the testicles down one at a time. Once the risk of ejaculation has passed, the sensitive skin of the scrotum, now stretched tightly around the testicles, can be licked, sucked, scratched, tickled, and caressed to your delight. Your partner must just be careful of the delicate skin of the scrotum and take great care to avoid pushing the testicles upward toward the body; as any man can tell, it will inflict excruciating pain!
Perfecting the Squeeze Method
The squeeze method is a Taoist and Tantric technique that is commonly prescribed by sex therapists to retrain patients who suffer from premature ejaculation. The technique is performed on the head of the penis as soon as the first sign of the point of no return is signaled. Apply decisive, direct pressure with the thumb and forefinger just below the ridge of the glans. The technique is more effective if pressure is applied only at the front and back of the penis, not at the sides. Once you have perfected the gesture, the same degree of pressure may be applied at the very base of the shaft, again at the front and back, not at the sides. By redirecting the point of pressure from the base of the gland to the base of the shaft, the squeeze method can also be practiced during penetration.
At this point, most of you are probably wondering if the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony is anti-male ejaculation, and the answer is no, of course not! Male partners who learn to control their ejaculation reflex and peak skillfully can ride the crest of the orgasmic wave over and over again throughout the ceremony. When they finally do allow themselves to surpass the point of no return, whether they actually ejaculate or not, earth-shattering effects are guaranteed.
Regulating ejaculation is crucial for shaping the phases of the Sexual Ceremony. For example, if partners intend to play for three hours, which is the ideal minimum, men should try to refrain from ejaculating until the very end. If the ceremony is organized to last more than three hours, men need to regulate emission in such a way as to permit the ceremony’s harmonious evolution. But while it is ideal that emission occur at the end of the ritual, any time over-arousal results in emission, consider it an intermission in the Sexual Ceremony—enjoy taking care of each other in different ways. Once the refractory period has passed and the male partner becomes receptive to genital or full-body stimulation again, the ceremony can be resumed.
Men, if at any time you feel the point of no return approaching, feel free to perform the techniques of ejaculation control that you have found most effective, or ask your partner to do so. Your partner’s attention should also shift from your genitals to a less-sensitive erogenous zone of your body until direct genital contact can be resumed without compromising the ceremony’s evolution. When peaking in tandem, lovers should guide each other both verbally and physically, without shame or inhibition, while remaining aware of each other’s levels of arousal. Backing off may be as simple as slowing down or changing the rhythm of stimulation and the tools or techniques used to provide sensations.
This is also an excellent time for partners to alternate between the roles of provider and receiver of sensations. Remember that overemphasis upon the male genitals is likely to make for a fleeting sexual exchange, while sharing pleasures that alternate between genital and extra-genital stimulation generates the ecstatic essence of the ceremony.
The masters of the ancient arts of loving learned to enjoy the benefits of orgasm without necessarily ejaculating and recommended refraining from too-frequent emission as a way to greater health as well as pleasure. Ejaculating more than once per day has a draining effect on a man’s energy and also decreases the impact of the pleasures that each consecutive orgasm will provide over the course of the same day.
The Taoists maintain that frequent male emission causes the libido to dwindle, and it is one of the reasons that they associated ejaculation control with increased desire as well as enhanced pleasure. The Tao of Loving proposes ejaculating only two or three times out of ten encounters—a challenge for most unless one is skilled in the technique of internal orgasm. Taoist master of the Han dynasty Wu Hsien suggested that man should practice “retention for at least five-thousand love strokes before ejaculating, as then his whole being will become potentized.” According to Master Wu Hsien, the principal concern of a male practitioner of the Tao of Loving should be to bring his female partner to orgasm as frequently as possible, taking advantage of the sexual vibration generated by his female partner’s pleasure by absorbing yin, or female energy, from her genitals with his “jade stalk.”
Taoist masters encourage men to externalize emission from time to time in order to avoid “overheating” the organism and compromising the overall health benefits that the sexual union provides and the fortitude of the sperm. Yet when Taoist males are deprived of the company of partners, they are encouraged to masturbate to the point of ejaculation more frequently, in order to avoid the prolonged retention of ejaculate fluid blocking the flow of energy, or chi, that flows more readily during partner sex.
An ancient Chinese medical manual declares that “man cannot do without woman, and woman cannot do without man. If a man does not make love with a woman for a long period of time, his mind will grow very unmanageable. If this happens, his spirit will suffer, and if the spirit suffers, then his span of life will be shortened.”
Men, whether you prefer men, women, or both—do not let your spirit suffer! There are many tools and techniques to enhance your skills and pleasures. Dildos and vibrators, essentially prosthetic penises, bestow delights that serve to prolong the Sexual Ceremony, building sexual tension and pleasure; tools such as cock rings can be used to facilitate the joys of peaking and augment the mutual benefits of ejaculation delay.
Cock rings and cock-and-ball rings serve to delay ejaculation and have the added benefit of leaving the man’s hands free to provide other pleasures (see plate VII). Some men find it impossible to ejaculate while cock rings are in place, and this is the principal reason why I mention these tools in the context of ejaculation control. When using a cock ring, men are likely to experience the pleasurable fluttering of the prostate gland that is inherent to the internal orgasm. The related topic of tying the male genitals is explored in the chapter “Abandon Yourself: Erotic Restraints.”
Made from a myriad of materials, from metal to leather, wood, carved stone, glass, rubber, plastic, and just about anything else that can take the shape of a ring, cock rings add an aesthetically pleasing touch to playtime. Some men prefer leather and rubber cock rings that have snaps to allow for easy removal, but cock rings made in rigid materials are equally effective and can be worn without creating any degree of discomfort, as long as they fit properly.
Smaller-diameter cock rings can be worn anywhere along the shaft of the penis. Those that fit snugly on the upper and lower areas of the shaft can be used to execute variations on the squeeze method. Rings in larger diameters are designed to constrict both the base of the penis and the entirety of the scrotal sack, essentially executing a combination of the squeeze method at the base of the penis and the ball lock. More commonly known as cock-and-ball rings, these are more effective in delaying ejaculation than rings that fit along the shaft. Size is important in cock rings: a ring that is too big will do very little to enhance a man’s pleasure or ability to control ejaculation, and a ring that is too small risks compromising the flow of blood into the penis.
Being that cock rings are rarely sold with instructions for their correct use, many men are nervous about the possibility of damaging their “family jewels” and refrain from exploring their potential. The basic rule of thumb is as follows: smaller-diameter cock rings can be put in place after a full erection is attained, but cock-and-ball rings should be put in place before the penis is fully erect. It will otherwise be next to impossible to accomplish the task.
Employing a rigid cock-and-ball ring can be awkward, if not impossible, unless you know the following tips: Remember that the penis must not be fully erect. Hold the ring in one hand and pull the testicles through its center one by one with the other hand. Once the scrotal sac is within its grip, the head and then the entire shaft of the penis can be pulled through the ring. Once the ring is in place, it should fit snugly around the scrotum and the base of the shaft of the penis. The size of the ring should be more or less right if there is space enough to slide the index and middle fingers between the ring and the penis before complete erection is obtained. Once the penis is fully erect, this will no longer be possible.
The ring should create a pleasant sense of constriction but no feeling of discomfort. When the scrotum and base of the shaft are enclosed in the grip of a cock-and-ball ring, once the penis reaches full erection, it is obliged to remain erect for as long as stimulation continues. The vas deferens is put under pressure while the blood that races into the genitals during arousal is inhibited from flowing back out again, resulting in harder, more enduring erections.
Men, once your penis and/or scrotum is in the grip of a cock ring, it is essential to pay close attention to the sensations caused by constriction, especially if it is the first time that you have used a ring. If you prefer a tighter fit, it is important to ensure that the blood flow to the area is not entirely constrained, especially over extended periods of play. Neither your penis nor the scrotum should go cold, numb, or turn worrisome shades of blue! If they do, the ring is too tight and it has been in place for too long.
You may be anxious about getting “trapped” in a cock ring. Worry not: once your erection subsides, or you or your partner make it subside by refraining from direct stimulation, the ring will slide off easily. If you wish to speed up the process, rinse your genitals with cold water.
The recommended time limit for wearing a cock ring is about twenty minutes, but it actually depends on the degree to which the genitals are constricted. Listen to your body and learn your own limits by starting out slowly and trying different kinds and sizes of rings. Some men like to wear cock rings for much longer periods, even for an entire evening out on the town. As long the rings are not too tight, this is safe, but long-term wear should be left to experienced cock-ring aficionados. But do keep in mind that if you decide to wear your cock ring beyond the boudoir, the device is likely to keep the penis in slight erection, even for an entire evening, and the effects are likely to be noticed if you are wearing close-fitting clothing or trousers made in fine fabrics.
In the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony, a dildo, or the term that I prefer, a diletto, can stand in for the actual penis whenever over-arousal risks triggering the ejaculation reflex and therefore potentially halting the progression of the ritual. I like the word “diletto,” derived from the Italian verb dilettare, because of its meaning: to delight, amuse, and give pleasure. I use “diletto” to describe any object used as a substitute for the penis, including vibrators. By permitting lovers to engage in longer intervals of penetration, dilettos further enhance the delights of delay. They allow over-aroused men to back off while continuing to provide their partners with the delights of penetration. Dilettos not only ease the demands placed upon the male member over lengthy rituals but provide both vaginal and anal stimulation. And the fact that dilettos endow women with the power to penetrate, and even be penetrated in the absence of a male partner, is obviously not something to undervalue!
In Tantric and Taoist practices, dilettos were used to help prolong sexual rituals. Ancient Eastern art and literature commonly portray their ecstatically profane and highly sacred purpose in detail. The predecessors of the modern-day diletto were first made in stone and iron, and a few have been found to date as far back as 28,000 years before the birth of Christ. In Africa, the finest dilettos were made of ivory. In ancient Greece and Rome, they were made of a variety of materials, from wood and ceramic to blown glass, silver, and even gold. In Arabian and Polynesian cultures, dilettos literally grew on trees. In The Arabian Nights, a passage is dedicated to the wonders of the banana:
“O bananas, of soft and smooth skins which dilate the eyes of young girls … you alone among fruits are endowed with a pitying heart, O consolers of widows and divorced women.”
The Kama Sutra also suggests the use of “natural” dildos. Bananas are mentioned, as well as carrots, cucumbers, and gourds. If you are feeling gourmand and decide to use produce that resembles the erect lingam as part of your play, protect yourself from exposure to toxins by dressing it with a condom. Unless the fruits and vegetables were organically grown, you can be certain that their surfaces contain traces of toxic pesticides.
But remember: no matter what they are made of, dilettos used for anal stimulation should never be then used for vaginal pleasures unless they are dressed with a fresh condom after each phase of penetration. It is highly recommended that lovers designate one diletto for vaginal pleasuring and another one specifically to anal stimulation.
The condom rule also applies to any modern-day diletto that is made of rubber, latex, silicone, or other flexible plastics. Even though these materials emulate the penis better than harder materials, they are porous and extremely difficult to sanitize. They also have a tendency to degrade over time. The best way to prolong their durability and ensure that they do not provoke irritations and infections is to dress them with condoms. Note that silicone-based lubricants deteriorate silicone sex tools over time, so the use of water- or glycerine-based lubricants is highly advised.
Flexible plastic dilettos should never be used without a condom unless they are explicitly declared body safe, as they are otherwise more than likely to contain phthalates, a chemical compound that is added to plastic to render it flexible. Also found in soft plastic toys for children, phthalates have been linked to birth defects, dangerous alterations in hormone levels, and damage to the liver, testicles, and other organs.
A Sexual Ally
Some men may consider dilettos or vibrators to be a threat to their own sexuality. More often than not this is due to the implements’ typically over-endowed dimensions as well as their infinite power to please. Most male-oriented sex suppliers carry a range of extra-large dilettos that would effectively make 99.9 percent of the male population feel inadequate! But these huge prosthetics are rarely modeled after real penises (nor are they the best sellers). But can a tool really be considered a threat to a relationship? After all, nothing can replace the energy exchange that is generated between two living, loving, physical entities, and men may certainly choose a diletto whose dimensions enable it to be more an ally than an enemy.
Models that are designed to wear with harnesses are known as strap-ons (see plate VIII), and they endow women with the power to penetrate. Double dilettos, on the other hand, can be used by either gender, and they have the advantage of allowing lovers to penetrate while they are simultaneously being penetrated. Some double dilettos are designed specifically for women, with one end that fits into the vagina. Whenever possible, women should wear these in combination with a harness to allow for a greater degree of comfort and control, and which also frees hands to roam. “Strapping-on” creates a reversal in roles—the woman becomes the penetrator and the male becomes the “penetratee”—which is likely to intimidate men who have not been initiated into the pleasures of anal sex; my advice to partners is to discuss the use of strap-on dilettos before making use of them.
The Vibrating Cousin
Vibrators, the vibrating cousin of the diletto, tend to be marketed with solitary women in mind, but their power to intensify the impact of shared sexual pleasures should not be underestimated. Some vibrators, however, are designed for clitoral stimulation and as such are not meant to be inserted into the body. I personally prefer and will here refer to those that can be used exactly like dilettos, to provide both vaginal and anal pleasures as well as clitoral delights. Taking an erotic intermission in the sexual ceremony and watching a lover writhe to the pulse of a vibrating lingam is indisputably arousing. Handheld mirrors can be used to permit partners to share the vision.
No matter the tools or the techniques employed to facilitate ejaculation control, once men have learned to recognize and respond effectively to their point of no return, they can engage in extensive periods of stimulation and heighten their satisfaction!