The deepest feeling always shows itself in silence; not in silence, but restraint.
—Marianne Moore, “Silence”
CATERING TO any one sense heightens the capacity of the other senses, which augments the perception of pleasure. But as paradoxical as it may seem, temporary sensory deprivation is also a powerful erotic enhancement—in particular, the techniques for restraining the senses of sight, hearing, and movement. These techniques charge the limbic system, ignite the flames of desire, and lead lovers to abandon themselves to pleasure and experience entirely different pinnacles of sexual arousal and satisfaction.
You may wonder why I consider movement a sense. During the past fifty years, scientific research in sensory perception has added to Aristotle’s limited definition of a mere five senses. According to some physiologists, human beings have twenty perceptual functions, if not more. These include thermoception, the perception of hot or cold; equilibrioception, the perception of balance; proprioception, the perception of body awareness; and nociception, the perception of pain. (Oddly enough, I have searched for but have yet to stumble across the neurological term for the perception of pleasure. If you are in the know, please do share.) The perception of movement is considered by modern scientists to be “the sixth sense.” Though this term is most commonly associated with the paranormal, phenomena such as telepathy or clairvoyance are better described as extrasensory perception.
Over the past fifty years, neurophysiologists have contributed enormously to our understanding of the wildly enigmatic senses and the still deeply misunderstood perceptive capacity of the brain. The effects of sensory deprivation on the human mind and body were the focus of Dr. John C. Lilly, who, in 1954, in order to study these effects, invented the sensory deprivation tank, now also called the flotation, REST, or isolation tank. (His conclusions helped me understand why the temporary loss of sight, hearing, and movement can make such a positive impact on lovers’ sexual satisfaction—read on to find out.)
The flotation tank is an enclosed, soundproof tub containing mineral water and large doses of Epsom salts. Once the subject settles comfortably into the water, the tank is closed, completely isolating the subject from external stimuli. The high concentration of salt in the water, which is maintained at body temperature, causes the subject to float. As soon as the subject begins to relax into and adjust to the effects of total and complete sensory isolation, his or her brain ceases to generate the beta and alpha brain-wave frequencies inherent to normal waking consciousness and begins to generate the theta brain-wave frequency. Subjects describe the experience as transcendental, otherworldly, deeply meditative, and rejuvenating—the boundaries of the physical body are said to seem to dissolve, accompanied by an overall sense of well-being.
Restraining a lover’s sense of sight, hearing, movement, or all three at once, prompts similar results in the context of the Sexual Ceremony. The techniques of erotic restraint incite the emission of alpha brain waves, whose deep, calming effects oblige the bottom to “drop in” to a sexually receptive state of mind and body almost instantly, allowing him or her to focus keenly on the sensations. It also forces the senses that are not being restrained to compensate, becoming more acute—as does the lover’s perception of pleasure, which is in turn then reinforced by the emission of the transcendental theta brain-wave frequency.
By the 1970s, the flotation tank had been adopted by various schools of alternative medicine for its healing powers, to counteract the effects of stress, pain, insomnia, and anxiety. Continued research in sensory deprivation revealed that the deliberate removal of stimuli from the senses strokes the pleasure centers of the brain, increasing the production of analgesic endorphins and hormones. And the positive effects of these chemicals in combination with the theta brain-wave frequency has been expounded on throughout The Boudoir Bible!
The tools and techniques of erotic restraint crystallize the roles of the bottom and the top, which have been described in the chapter “The Joy of Play: The Roles of Provider and Receiver.” The bottom is essentially obliged to surrender the control of his or her pleasure to the top. This power shift creates an intense psychophysiological charge that reinforces the sexual bond like no other transcendental technique. Erotic restraint of sight and movement are also known to have the power to dissolve latent sexual inhibitions. The techniques have even been reported to heal both anorgasmia in women and impotency in men—yes, when practiced with consent and skill between trusting partners, erotic restraint is really that good! It helps lovers to “drop in” to a sexually receptive state of mind and body almost instantly and incites acute perceptual awareness, prompting ever more wanton states of sexual arousal and an endorphin high.
But fear of abandoning one’s self to pleasure and losing control, despite it being essential to experiencing deep sexual satisfaction, keeps many lovers from exploring the ecstatic potential of erotic restraint. It is understandable, on the surface, that even a slight degree of sensory restraint—a corset, blindfold, or handcuff, for example—is considered by most as an infringement on one’s personal will and freedom. After all, only fifty years have passed since most Westerners, whatever their gender or sexual orientation, have had the privilege to be able to choose how and with whom they might express their sexuality. Women, in particular, may view the use of erotic restraints as a step backward for female empowerment and an affirmation of outmoded male superiority. But erotic restraint is actually a generous invitation to please and to be pleased. To consent to such bliss is, in actuality, a way of saying, “I trust you.”
It must be understood that when lovers choose to practice erotic restraint, they are neither victims nor perpetrators of sexual violence or abuse but, instead, adventurous and trusting sexual accomplices. Lovers who appreciate its effects (whether they categorize themselves as BDSM or not) do not necessarily seek or need pain in order to be sexually satisfied. In fact, the tools of erotic restraint should restrict the senses, not inflict pain; if they do, the bottom will be distracted all too soon from the real goal of the session—deep pleasure. Just as the top must remain attentive at all times to the bottom’s comfort, it is the bottom’s responsibility to alert his or her top immediately if there is unwanted pain, making those feelings known either verbally or through signs or safe words agreed upon in advance. (The use of these and other safety essentials are outlined in the chapter “Honor Each Other: Safety,” which is an essential read before engaging in any form of limit-pushing sexual techniques.) The bottom should call for an intermission to the session if the discomfort cannot be resolved by the top through slight modifications to the degree of restraint or in the bottom’s position. Erotic sensory deprivation requires unequivocal trust between partners; as a top or bottom, if you do not know your chosen partner well and have yet to establish this degree of confidence in each other, refrain from using the tools and techniques of erotic restraint until you do.
The restraint of movement, sight, or hearing can be introduced at any moment during the evolution of a Sexual Ceremony and practiced in combination with genital and extra-genital stimulation. Note that some lovers find the deprivation of more than one sense at a time too intense, while others live for combined sensory deprivation! Experimentation is the only way to test, reveal, and stretch your limits. Once the bottom has been restrained, the role of the top is to guide him or her toward an exhilarating, full-bodied sexual experience and ultimately coax the bottom to transcend the earthly barriers of body, time, and space in ecstasy.
As with all of the transcendental techniques that we have explored, it is the bottom who primarily establishes the limits of the session. His or her desire to explore the sexual dimension via a form of erotic restraint should be interpreted as a sign of great trust to be honored by the top, who is granted the delectable privilege of administering such pleasures. The role of a restrained bottom is to enjoy and surrender to the top’s generous intentions. This does not imply that the bottom is passive, however. On the contrary, a bottom is highly in tune with and responsive to his or her top. Even though some forms of movement restraint prevent the bottom from being able to make manual contact with the top, the most mutually empowering positions will allow the top to receive oral stimulation or the pleasures of penetration. If the bottom is not orally restrained, verbal feedback may also serve to stimulate the top.
For the top, providing physical pleasure by establishing a steady, uninterrupted crescendo of sensations is the primary objective, but he or she is equally responsible for the bottom’s well-being, as the restrained bottom is physically and emotionally sensitive and vulnerable. As the top introduces tools and techniques, he or she must do so with loving care and skillful control. The more skillful and creative the top is in orchestrating the session’s rhythm, the more likely both partners will be to experience the meditative trance-like states that are inherent to erotic restraint, and the more probable it is that the bottom will transcend!
It is also the top’s responsibility, before the implementation of any form of restraint, to make sure that all of the necessary tools are organized and at hand’s reach. The reason for this is that once the ceremony commences, the top should not abandon the restrained bottom for any reason. To leave a restrained bottom alone, even if the bottom is able to set himself or herself free with little effort, is not recommended. During the practice of visual restraint and more extreme forms of movement restraint, emergencies may arise that will require the top’s presence to address. If it is part of the session to “abandon” the restrained bottom, this must be done with forethought and extreme care. Ritual abandonment can certainly be staged to incite a desired emotional response, but remember that the reenactment is not real—one does not actually leave the temple.
In order to evolve harmoniously, erotic restraint sessions must be organized in advance. Setting out all of the tools at hand’s reach will ensure that the top remains in close physical contact with the bottom at all times, giving the bottom a sense of security and facilitating the top’s ability to provide an uninterrupted ascent to Paradise. Even a flashlight should be set out—no one can predict an electrical blackout! Flashlights can also be used to get a better view of your intimate activities (of course, only as long as the bottom enjoys a little loving humiliation or intimate exposure). Comfortable cushions and a couple of warm, soft blankets might also come in handy during the session and will definitely be appreciated once the bottom is released. A bottle of water should also be opened and a straw provided for the bottom’s easy sipping.
Another responsibility of the top is to verify the bottom’s overall satisfaction and well-being. (The happy bottom must also remember to check in with himself or herself throughout the session.) The sound of the top’s voice in the bottom’s ears, just like the touch of the top’s hands, brings a sense of security; feeling safe is fundamental to the bottom’s ability to abandon himself or herself to the incomparable experience that is sexual rapture.
Erotic restraint is not solely for the bottom’s satisfaction, however; the provision of pleasure is a great aphrodisiac—this, combined with the effects of erotic restraint’s power shift, empowers the top with a potent sexual force. The responsibility demanded of the top, who agrees to restrain the bottom, is sustained by a surge of adrenaline; it heightens the top’s concentration and sense of well-being—which is perhaps also fueled by the awareness that an appeased bottom will be all the more ready and willing to show the full extent of their gratitude when finally set free!
It is difficult if not impossible to achieve complete auditory isolation, so the fruits of temporary hearing deprivation are subtler than those associated with movement and visual restraint. If you are a bottom and your hearing is restrained, you will find that every other sensation will become magnified because of this inward focus, the impact of every stroke that your lover makes heightened. You will hear the sound of your own breathing and your heart beating to the rhythm of the ritual. Such interior sounds augment the meditative effects of ecstasy.
The top’s hands will suffice for intermittent hearing restraint, although no doubt the top would rather be busy with his or her hands elsewhere! Earplugs make this possible; those made of soft, pliable balls of beeswax are more effective and comfortable than those of foam or rubber.
Another approach is to dominate the bottom’s sense of hearing through sound, with a carefully chosen repertoire of music and headphones. Studies have shown that music we enjoy promotes the production of dopamine—the “feel-good” hormone and neurotransmitter. While the meditative effects of hearing restraint may be slightly reduced with music, it will still serve to accent the effects of a session. Ideally, the top should be able to hear the music, too, but he or she should not wear headphones—the top must hear his or her restrained lover to stay in tune with the bottom.
Certain genres of music are more conducive to sexual transcendence than others. Songs with words, especially if the restrained bottom knows them well, are guaranteed to become a distraction and could inhibit the bottom from concentrating on pleasure alone. Ambient, jazz, and classical music are more likely to facilitate a lover’s ability to concentrate on the sensations that are being offered. No matter your musical preference, once the headphones are comfortably in place, confirm that the volume is set just right.
Consider the often extraordinary perceptive capacities of the blind. In order for the brains of the visually impaired to decipher sensory information and compensate for their missing sense, their remaining senses function on acute levels. The unsighted are renowned for being able to hear seemingly imperceptible sounds and distinguish subtle tastes and smells. Their sense of touch is so highly developed that it permits them to read Braille, and even write, thanks to today’s technology.
Erotic sight restraint can be practiced to ecstatic effect during any phase of the Sexual Ceremony and in combination with any other form of stimulation. Temporarily depriving the bottom of the ability to see can provoke a powerful psychosensorial charge and bring a rousing element of surprise to the dynamics of the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony, as the brain does not differentiate between the anticipated sensation and a provided sensation. Concocting the session so that the bottom does not see the tools or have a notion of the sensations that might be offered will prevent the bottom’s brain from preparing the body for the receipt of these sensations in advance, heightening the impact of every sensation that the top has in store for the blindfolded bottom.
Slip into Darkness: A Self-Initiation
Erotic sight restraint can be administered most effectively with a blindfold (see plate X). If you do not wish to invest in a manufactured blindfold, a long piece of silk or a satin scarf will work equally well. Novices to sight restraint may wish to blindfold themselves before giving away or taking the reins of blindfolded pleasure, in order to get an idea of its potential. Dedicate twenty-five to thirty minutes to this exercise to attain insight into its powerful effects.
Lie down or sit in a comfortable position, then tie, buckle, snap, or strap the blindfold snugly into place. Because even the slightest infiltration of light will diminish the impact of the deprivation, the blindfold should impose complete darkness. The eyes are extremely delicate organs, so do not use force in tightening the blindfold. Rest the wrappings against the orbital bone, never against the eyeballs themselves.
Once you are comfortable, allow yourself to ease into the total darkness the blindfold imposes. One of the first things you will notice is that your mind is like a monkey; your thoughts will jump randomly from one place to another. However, in a matter of minutes you will slip into the calm and focused state inherent to the emission of the alpha brain-wave frequency. Practice this self-initiation in silence, without music, to highlight the meditative effects.
Become aware of the sounds around you. They will penetrate what you may have formerly perceived as silence. Focus your attention inward, leave the world behind, and caress yourself. During this sensual meditation, discover the fine, sensitive skin of your lips, your neck, your breasts or chest. Entice your nipples to rise to the occasion before continuing your gradual descent to the sacred source of the sexual vibration.
If you are a man and spending the evening on your own, peak repeatedly. When you finally allow yourself to lose control, the effects of the blindfold will be revealed. If you plan to spend the evening in good company, consider this a preliminary to the shared pleasures that lie ahead, riding the crest of the orgasmic waves and refraining from ejaculating.
If you are a woman, follow the same directions, but accept your orgasm at the end of the experiment, whether you are expecting sweet company or not. It will provide for a blissful release of sexual tension and prepare you for the shared pleasures that lie ahead.
Turn Your Lover On—and Up: A Blindfold Session
The blindfold will augment the perceptual capacity of all of the unrestrained senses, not only the sense of touch, so be prepared to stroke all your partner’s senses with erotic intent. Alongside a feather tickler, a horsehair whip or a soft flogger, a pair of latex gloves, a vibrator, and a bottle of lubrication, for example, include the bottom’s favorite perfume or essential oil, a piece of chocolate, or some slices of juicy fruit—anything that you know will turn your lover on—and up—can be used to tantalize his or her senses.
Invite the bottom to lie, sit, or go onto all fours; his or her position will depend on the pleasures that the top intends to provide. Once your lover is comfortable, put the blindfold in place. Confirm that it is not causing discomfort and that the bottom is in total darkness. If the bottom is also to be subject to movement restraint, the blindfold should be put on after he or she has been bound.
From this moment on, you must be prepared to remain in close contact with the bottom at all times. Before proceeding, grant the bottom a few moments of silence. This will permit you both to focus your thoughts, before the session commences. It will also allow the bottom to adjust to the effects of the power shift.
Adopt a calm, quiet tone of voice. If music is being played, turn down its volume. Visual restraint augments our perception of sound. As soon as the bottom has slipped into the calm, relaxed mindset, he or she will be ready to focus on pleasure. Before long the bottom will be writhing in anticipation, quivering to your every touch and begging for more. You might whisper your sweetest intentions into the bottom’s ears, then, rather than meeting their ecstatic expectations immediately, take the long way around—building sweet anticipation mounts sexual tension even higher!
As the ceremony gradually progresses, the psychophysiological effects of sight deprivation will begin to manifest. The impact of every touch, tickle, lick, scratch, kiss, squeeze, spank, and loving caress will be reinforced by every sexy sound, taste, and scent that you as the top conjure up. The ritual’s harmonious progression will transform the bottom into a highly sensitized, receptive, and even downright submissive playmate. The more creative freedom you have and, of course, the more sexually skilled and in tune with your lover’s needs you are, the more relaxed and receptive the bottom will become, and the more fun and exciting the session will be for both of you.
Avoid administering too many different kinds of sensations during the same session. The blindfolded bottom’s heightened state of arousal and receptivity is a direct reflection of his or her physical and emotional hypersensitivity, so to avoid creating sensory confusion, it is important that you channel acute mental and physical presence. Before long, neither you nor the bottom will be able to resist the need to soothe your mutual, aching desire.
If your bottom is male, only if the timing is right should he be allowed to ejaculate. Otherwise, you should redirect his attention, either by focusing on another area of his body or by privileging another sense. For example, you may opt to serve him something delicious—say a spoonful of his favorite ice cream. It will not only smell and taste more heavenly but also feel colder than ever before. Erotic sight restraint enhances thermoception, so tease your bottom’s warm lips, plump with arousal, with the back of the cold spoon before asking him or her to open wide for an explosion of flavor!
If you are playing on a hot summer’s day, put a bowl of ice cubes at hand’s reach. On a cold winter’s night, hot wax play may be equally appreciated. Combining temperature play with the effects of the blindfold makes for all the more sizzling a session!
If the blindfold is removed midsession, be prepared to enjoy gathering the fruits of the bottom’s generosity; your lover will be in an ecstatic state, eager to return and share the heightened pleasure. Caress, touch, tease, and please each other until neither of you can take any more! If the blindfold is removed toward the end of the Sexual Ceremony, join the restrained bottom to climb the summits of pleasure together, and relish the earth-trembling consequences. As the session ends, warn the bottom before removing the blindfold—otherwise the unexpected flash of light may cause him or her to crash rather than sweetly glide from Paradise back to reality!
Bondage is one of the most common sexual fantasies for women and men alike. Those who choose to explore the powers of erotic movement restraint consider it to be liberating, creative, and empowering. Its capacity to reinforce the bonds of intimacy by revealing, pushing, and permitting lovers to hurdle sexual boundaries is renowned.
There are many ways to restrain the consenting lover’s movement, but this section focuses on verbal bondage, cuffs, and cords. Being that the art of rope bondage demands skill as well as diligent practice in order to reach its ecstatic ends, a separate section of this chapter is dedicated to those techniques.
No matter how it is achieved, bondage can be practiced in combination with other forms of stimulation. For example, some bondage aficionados enjoy being penetrated while bound. Others prefer the pleasures of bondage to penetration itself. Some revel in being deprived of their sense of movement in combination with other forms of erotic restraint, while for others this prompts sensory overload. Those who enjoy erotic tickling or flagellation may like to be bound for the occasion. From a purely practical point of view, this last scenario avoids the risk that the bottom may involuntarily hurt himself or herself or the top with an unexpected gesture of excitement. Others may find that high-impact extra-genital stimulation, like flagellation, becomes too intense if administered while they are physically restrained. Experience alone can reveal what works best, whether we are binding or bound. No matter how much experience partners may have or how hard they like to play, lovers should always progress gradually toward the more challenging forms of restraint.
Novices especially should refrain from combining movement restraint with other forms of sensory deprivation until they have acquired some practice in bondage skills and understood its myriad effects. Novices should engage in “soft” bondage until they acquire more experience. “Hard” bondage, as its name implies, is more rigorous and demanding. Soft bondage entails natural and therefore more comfortable positions, and in soft bondage scenes, the bottom may even be able to set himself or herself free with only a little effort. Some bondage aficionados consider such Houdini-esque attempts to escape an integral part of bondage fun. Hard bondage makes such attempts next to impossible. But bondage does not have to be hard to incite transcendental results. In fact, being bound at length in comfortable positions can provoke ecstatic results—as long as the top is prepared to take the bottom to Paradise!
Whether bondage is the leitmotif or an ecstatic highlight of the Sexual Ceremony, the top and the bottom are equally responsible for the final outcome of the session. It is crucial that both partners come into the temple relaxed, well rested, and ready to transcend. Both should have eaten a light meal, no less than two hours before. Interrupting the digestive cycle is dangerous, and it should be avoided at all costs. Light, fresh, high-energy foods and plenty of water will energize the body; fatty foods and carbohydrates require more energy to be digested and can leave one feeling sluggish. Neither the top nor bottom should practice any movement restraint when not feeling perfectly physically and emotionally well.
Even partners who know each other well ought to review the boundaries of a bondage session before the Sexual Ceremony starts. The more skills and experience that lovers acquire, the more likely they are to enjoy “programming” the session’s progression, particularly when assuming the role of top. As with erotic sight restraint, once the bottom’s bonds are in place, the top is obliged to stay in near-constant physical contact. This is as crucial to the bottom’s capacity to surrender as it is to his or her safety. Remember that sensory deprivation incites a certain degree of physical and emotional vulnerability, so only if the bottom feels safe and secure in submitting to his or her partner will the final outcome of the session be positively thrilling.
Bondage has been described as “motion in stillness.” As passive as the bottom may appear to be to the eyes of the inexperienced, bondage demands both outer and inner strength; the more intense the restraint, the more endurance, flexibility, and determination is required. These virtues will become all the more relevant in the more physically demanding variations of rope bondage. When the bottom consents to more extreme degrees of movement restraint, he or she should do a minimum of stretching to warm up muscles. This will enhance circulation and reduce the likelihood of cramping, sprains, and strains, as well as increasing the bottom’s overall resistance to greater degrees of restraint and constriction. The more effectively the restraint is imposed, the longer the bottom may remain bound, and the faster sexual tension will mount.
Tops and bottoms must attempt not only a physical but also an emotional symbiosis throughout the ceremony. What this means is that while it is the responsibility of the top to provide for his or her bound partner, it is the bottom’s vital duty to check in on himself or herself as well, no matter how high each is flying. The bottom must not hold the top entirely responsible for his or her physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Even a bottom who usually enjoys bondage may feel neither physically nor emotionally open enough to revel in its powers.
The longer a bottom is restrained, the more he or she will struggle. An instinctive response to movement restraint, it serves to minimize discomfort and is an integral part of the fun and pleasure. It makes the heart beat faster, prompting the blood to flow more readily toward the surface of the skin, heightening the bottom’s overall sensitivity. It also further increases endorphin production. But the more intensely the ceremony evolves, the more attentive the top must be to ensure a harmonious outcome.
The top must keep in mind that once a consenting lover has been bound, his or her overall perceptions, and, therefore, sensitivity will be radically enhanced. The top must exercise self-control—the more gradually the top builds the shared sexual tension, the more both partners will be charged—body, mind, and spirit—with the sexual vibration.
When bondage is the leitmotif of the sexual ceremony, the partner that bottomed can, if so inclined, provide his or her top with similar pleasures during the next phase of the ceremony—reversing roles, in essence. (Do allow the bottom to enjoy coming down from the peaks of the endorphin high after he or she has been set free and before the switch.) But consider that the longer and more all encompassing the session is, the more consolidated the roles of top and bottom are likely to become. Inverting the dynamics of the power shift may therefore not be convenient or feel natural for either partner. But keep the option open—lovers should follow their instincts, and let their sense of sexual freedom and creativity soar!
When the bottom is simultaneously being caressed, licked, tickled, cropped, or spanked to delight, he or she is likely to have a hard time obeying the top’s orders … and this is where the fun begins! The practice of verbal bondage is the safest form of erotic restraint; it simply entails telling an aroused lover not to move. If a partner is aroused and fully immersed in the sexual dimension, and at the right time and in the right context they are told, “Do not move, not even an inch,” it will make a strong psychophysiological impact.
Prior to making an investment in any bondage gear, bondage novices can test each other’s receptivity to movement restraint with this simple technique. (It also travels well!) Lovers who enjoy its effects are very likely to succumb to the powers and potential that the instruments of erotic movement restraint can provide. But novices who do not respond well to verbal bondage should not feel or be obliged to engage in this or any other technique of movement restraint.
Bondage cuffs and their related accessories are both easy to obtain and to employ. To get started, invest in a basic bondage cuff set composed of two ankle cuffs, two wrists cuffs, and four snap-hooks or S-hooks. I recommend that you choose high-quality cuffs in soft, padded leather; while they may be more costly, they are wildly more comfortable than those made of stiff belt leather. High-quality cuffs will not scratch or chafe the fine skin of the wrists and ankles, and they do a better job of reducing the risk of strains or sprains. The more comfortable the cuffs, the longer your bondage sessions can last, and the more satisfying the end results are bound to be—no pun intended!
Any bondage cuff made of metal may cause injury, should it be subject to tension or strain during the course of a bondage session. Because undue discomfort may distract the bottom from concentrating on his or her pleasure, avoid using real handcuffs unless they are necessary to reinforce the psychological impact of certain kinds of role-play. If you and your lover like the idea of locking someone up tight, or being locked up, soft, padded leather cuffs will serve the purpose.
Do not, however, underestimate the psychological impact that locks and keys have. They are potent symbols of sexual possession, and while some lovers appreciate their capacity to reinforce the role of top and bottom, others will feel claustrophobic at the mere idea of being locked in. Should you and your partner choose to use restraints with padlocks, the top must keep the keys at hand’s reach or, better yet, on a chain around his or her neck. For the bottom, the sight of the keys dangling from the chain will act as a constant reminder that his or her only duty is to surrender to the pleasure that the top has in store.
Ideally, the same key should open all of the locks, but in the case that it does not, each lock and its relative key should be color-coded. A top fumbling with his or her keys will not instill a sense security in a bound bottom who has asked to be set free. Without losing his or her sense (or appearance) of being calm and in control, the top will want to respond immediately to avoid anxiety or resistance in the bottom.
Movement restraint can be used during any phase of the Sexual Ceremony’s evolution. If you are the top, begin the session by restraining the bottom’s hands at the front of his or her body, a position that permits the bottom to access his or her own genitals. If hands are bound at the back, this will be impossible, and the shift of power into your hands will be more complete. Once the wrists or ankles cuffs are in place, ensure that they are tight enough to prevent the bottom’s hands or feet from slipping out of them but not so tight that they chafe the skin or, worse, compromise blood circulation.
After having verified the bottom’s comfort, invite the bottom to lie, kneel, or sit down before restraining his or her ankles. (The ankles must never be bound directly to each other if the bottom is in an upright position, unless the upper body is fully supported or the bottom is able to brace firmly against a stable object like a chair or a table. Failure to respect this rule can put your bottom in danger of toppling over.)
If the bottom is a woman, penetration will be next to impossible if her ankles are bound and she is positioned facing her top. A skilled top will use this inaccessibility to the bottom’s benefit and take advantage of the power of anticipation to enhance the final impact of pleasure. But before long, you both are likely to be possessed with raging desire, and you may decide to either roll the bottom onto the front of her body, which will grant entry to her secret garden of delight, or change her position altogether by restraining, for example, the bottom’s wrists to her ankles. (The ability to change a bottom’s position with ease and in a matter of seconds is one great advantage of bondage cuffs and their attached snap hooks.) This position is also known as “the crab”; it grants easy access to the sacred source of the sexual vibration, whether the bottom is a man or a woman, facing the top or not.
Note that, like any position that forces the bottom to fully expose his or her genitals and anal area, the crab can be a source of humiliation. While ritualized humiliation may be a source of arousal for some, not everyone appreciates its effects.
Partners who enjoy the effects of basic cuff-to-cuff restraint may eventually wish to expand their repertoire by investing in a few extra accessories. Bondage straps, which can be purchased through any BDSM supplier, will make for some exciting alternatives to basic cuff-to-cuff restraint. They can be used to bind the bottom spread-eagled either face-up or face-down on the bed (see plate IX) or to impose, for example, what is commonly known as “the hog-tie” (see plate X). Due to its theatrical appeal, this bondage position is commonly represented in BDSM and alternative erotic magazines and literature, as well as by the film industry. The hog-tie is decidedly dynamic, demanding in the bottom a certain degree of strength and flexibility, if not a good dose of highly aroused determination in order to rest in its embrace even for short periods. Because the hog-tie’s psychophysiological impact is acute, lovers should gradually work their way up to its practice. The spread-eagle position is, on the other hand, relatively comfortable and excellent for lengthy restraint. It can also be performed in an upright position.
Prepare for what I call “the standing eagle” by mounting two sturdy eye-screws or swivel hooks on the upper and lower left- and right-hand sides of a wooden door frame, wall, or other sturdy support. Make certain the hardware and the support are solid enough to bear the weight and stress of the bottom’s struggles. Swivel hooks provide the advantage of “giving” and moving with the bottom’s motions, thereby reducing the risk of injuries.
The bottom’s position will be determined by the pleasures that the top has planned. If the bottom is bound facing the door or wall, you, as the top, will have access to the back and buttocks, which is a prime opportunity to provide a wide range of extra-genital pleasures—from erotic tickling to flagellation—as well as genital and anal stimulation. If the bottom is bound facing you, the genitals, breasts, nipples, and mouth are the principal points of focus, as the joys of erotic flagellation can only be provided safely to certain areas of the body, as described in the chapter “X Marks the Sweet Spot: Erotic Flagellation.”
After the wrist cuffs have been secured to the eye-hooks, you may proceed, if you wish, to hook the bottom’s ankles either together or apart (if eye-hooks have also been installed at ankle level). If you desire to take more control of the bottom’s movements, a spreader bar can be used to force the bottom’s feet apart, about shoulders’ width. This device is usually attached to the ankles by means of cuffs, and it significantly reinforces the dynamics of the standing spread-eagle restraint, as well as the those of the rest of the session, as it grants the top full control over the now very accessible genitals! Note that when you decide to release or change the bottom’s standing position, his or her ankles must be released first, so the bottom’s balance is not compromised.
At the turn of the twenty-first century, advertising experts began to use decontextualized bondage imagery to promote a wide variety of commodities, from alcoholic beverages to handbags, pasta to bathroom tiles. Americans may remember a campaign that came out in September 2008 representing actress Jessica Alba being physically and restrained and gagged by bondage tape, and to promote a very good cause—encouraging young people to vote!
But another advertising campaign was launched for a less politically correct motive—to promote a world-famous cocktail mixer. The advertisement unwittingly also promoted some glaringly dangerous bondage mistakes, which I will use to highlight four fundamental bondage-safety guidelines.
A very young model wearing a string bikini is seated in a chair in front of a low glass table at the edge of a pool. Her wrists are bound to the armrests of the chair, one wrist with a necktie, the other with a leather belt. Her eyelids, half-closed seductively, are heavy with aquamarine eye shadow. Her red lips are parted with desire. But if this young bottom found herself in this position during a real bondage session, not on a photo set, she would have several very good reasons to feel insecure and even frightened, and her expression would reflect anything but sexual readiness.
The first reason is that there is not even a shadow to be seen of the person who bound her. Safety guideline #1: Leaving a bound partner alone can put them in real danger—at the very least incite cathartic and anything but erotic reactions. Tops, you must honor your bottoms by keeping them safe with your attentive presence.
The second danger represented in the image is the bound model’s proximity to the glass table and the deceptively placid waters of the pool. Safety guideline #2: The temple of erotic loving, whether it is erected indoors or out, must be arranged to guarantee the safety and well-being of both partners. On a scale of one to ten, the risk involved in this scenario is eleven, as a bound lover is guaranteed to struggle. If this damsel struggled, she could fall, face forward, into the glass table, or sideways into the swimming pool.
The third faux pas represented by the image is the association of movement restraint with alcohol. Safety guideline #3: Bondage combined with alcoholic beverages, or any other mind-altering substance, can make for a very dangerous cocktail. Alcohol inhibits one’s sense of judgment, as well as one’s overall perception of pleasure, as it masks the exhilarating effects of endorphin elation.
The fourth risk represented by the image is one commonly depicted by media, literature, and film. While I cannot deny the aesthetic and symbolic appeal of using men’s silk ties and leather belts, these are inappropriate bondage tools. Belts are not perforated in the correct place for wrist or ankle restraint, so for bondage they are neither comfortable nor effective. A man’s necktie can be used as a blindfold, but silky materials make slippery knots that can tighten under strain. As the bottom struggles, the tighter these silky knots will become, and the more dangerously difficult they are to untie. In the case of an emergency, the top will be obliged to cut this strip of haberdashery in two. Safety guideline #4: Always use bondage gear designed specifically for the purpose of safe and pleasurable erotic restraint. It will enhance the overall quality and safety of your bondage sessions.
This kind of advertising imagery utilizes shock value, the exploitation of which, in this case, perpetuates and glamorizes sexual ignorance. Perhaps one day information beneficial to sexual health and well-being will suffuse advertising’s bondage imagery. Ad execs will then discover that the promise of real pleasure can be an even more effective marketing tool.
Adventurous lovers who enjoy testing and pushing their sexual limits consider sensual rope bondage the ultimate in erotic restraint. Whether wielding or yielding to the powers of the cords, aficionados of rope bondage laud its capacity to reinforce the sexual bond.
Cords permit for a wider range and degree of restraint than bondage cuffs. Sensual rope bondage, when masterfully executed, imbues a consenting bottom with sexuality, vulnerability, and strength. This, along with the technique’s capacity to make endorphins surge, builds unexpected levels of sexual tension that lead to radically heightened levels of arousal.
In ancient Japan, the art of sensual rope bondage was traditionally known as kinbaku, meaning “tight binding.” Practitioners of kinbaku considered the tying of knots on the human body to be unacceptable, even vulgar. Consequentially, in its purest, most unadulterated form, the technique calls for very few knots to attain its highly aesthetic and sensual purpose. Today, the Japanese style of bondage is more commonly known as shibari, from the verb “to tie.” Shibari combines the techniques of binding and tying, and its artistry serves the Japanese on an everyday basis, not just for erotic purposes—from tying a lowly package to ornamental food preparation to the arrangement of beautiful kimonos. Masters of kinbaku and shibari consider sharing the beauty of their bindings part of the pleasure these arts provides; thus, sensual rope bondage is practiced not only privately but also publicly, as a form of adult entertainment.
In the West the practice of sensual rope bondage, public or private, is largely confined to the BDSM community. Though easy Internet access to directions and videos makes the uninitiated think they might practice rope bondage with impunity, there are real risks involved. In order to tap into the erotic potential of cords, lovers must refine their bondage skills through practice. Lovers who are unable to invest the time and energy to learn basic techniques should restrict themselves to the use of bondage cuffs and the related accessories explored in the previous section.
Before we take the kinks out of the cords, it is important to highlight the “no” zones of the body for safe rope bondage (see plate IX): the front of the neck, the armpits, the groin, the inner crook of elbows and knees, and the pulse points of ankles and wrists.
While the back of the neck can support a certain degree of pressure, the front of the neck is the number one “no” zone. Do not ever wrap cords around a lover’s neck or apply any pressure at all to the front of this delicate region of the body. Pressure on the front of the neck will compromise the breathing; it takes only a few minutes of pressure to cause injury or even death.
Other “no” zones are the armpits and the groin; both areas house major blood vessels and delicate glands and should, therefore, never be subject to pressure. Neither should the fine-skinned inner crook of the elbow or knee be compressed; their delicate blood vessels and nerves lie very close to the surface of the skin.
The delicate articulations of the wrists and the ankles, where veins also lie so close to the surface that they are visible, should never be bound with rope directly on their pulse points. Wrap slightly above or below the pulse point. Whenever the position of the bottom permits, when binding wrists, press them together, pulse point to pulse point, to further reduce the risk of injury.
When the wrists or ankles are bound at length, periodically the top should ask the bottom to wriggle his or her fingers and/or toes from time to time, in order to verify that their circulation is not being compromised. (This will also remind the bottom to check in on himself or herself, even when flying high.)
But while the “no” zones should never be compressed or put under strain, they are highly erogenous and will grow all the more receptive to being sweetly teased and tantalized, once the bottom is bound.
Sophisticated knots are fun to master and pleasing to the eye, but they aren’t essential to basic sensual rope bondage. Knots that are easy to release and that do not tighten over the bottom’s flesh when they are put under strain are, on the other hand, fundamental to safe, sensual practice.
Harmonious binding of any permitted body part is also essential to bondage safety. A haphazard crossing of ropes will not only create discomfort but also bruise and chafe the skin, dangerously inhibit circulation, injure the articulations at wrists and ankles, and even cause permanent damage to nerve endings. The dance of the cords should result in harmonious, well-balanced bindings that are tight enough so the bound partner cannot get free but loose enough to permit the top to slide two fingers between the cords and the bottom’s skin. Integrating this test into the ceremony after every binding that you finish should become automatic. If a bottom ever feels that a restraint is too tight or not quite right, he or she needs to inform the top immediately so that it can be adjusted. While most bondage aficionados consider the temporary marks that snug ropes leave on the skin as one of the technique’s inherent pleasures, marks caused by rope burn may be considered less endearing—and are also more enduring. Such “souvenirs” from Paradise can be avoided if the top places his or her fingers between the moving cord and the bottom’s skin.
Masters of sensual rope bondage channel the forces of balance and beauty throughout every phase of a bondage session. Strive to do the same—and your bondage efforts will result in mutual satisfaction in no time. Aesthetics are to be considered an integral aspect of the pleasures that bondage provides for both partners. Ideally, mirrors should be strategically placed in the ritual space to permit both the top and the bottom to view their ceremonial endeavors.
The Slip and Slither of the Cords
Shopping for ropes can be an inspirational preliminary to the Sexual Ceremony. Every bondage aficionado has a rope of preference, and you will discover through practice the virtues of each one. The distinct sensations that a cord provides as it slips and slithers across a bottom’s skin is an important part of the pleasures of bondage. The material that bondage cords are made of, as well as the speed at which they move as the restraint is being executed, will imbue each session with unique sensations. Those who have acquired some degree of sensual bondage skills may wish to invest in a proper set of precut and conditioned bondage cords, as well as a few lessons with a master.
Nylon ropes are good for novice efforts, as they are easy to come by and less expensive than quality cotton, linen, or hemp ropes. Cords made from these organic materials are also far more pleasant for the top to maneuver than synthetic ones, and the bottom will appreciate their natural, sensual touch. Those made of silk and its synthetic imitations are even more sensual in feel as they slither and glide across the bottom’s skin—unfortunately, they have the disadvantage of making slippery knots and bindings that are likely to slide and cross each other and even come undone.
Lovers of sensual rope bondage often prefer rope made from hemp for its organic aesthetic appeal and the sensual, earthy scent it unleashes. When under strain, hemp rope makes a distinct “creaking” sound that has a sensuous impact. And, very important, the knots in hemp ropes are easy to release, even when tight. Hemp will soften with washing and can be treated with beeswax or rope conditioners that will increase the life span of the ropes.
Some bondage lovers prefer twisted rather than braided cords, as they leave more distinct marks on the skin. These ceremonial mementos normally vanish an hour or so after the cords have been removed. However, cords that are woven or braided make for a better investment, because they won’t unravel and are generally more resistant to washing.
No matter the material, make sure whatever rope you buy does not have a wire core. When this kind of rope becomes worn, its wire may be exposed, which could injure either partner. In addition, bondage cords must be kept clean. Hygiene is as relevant to these tools as to any other erotic instrument, and it becomes all the more relevant should you use the same cords with different partners. When cords are used repeatedly, they eventually show signs of wear and tear; worn, frayed cords risk snapping in two if they are employed to support even the slightest degree of weight or pressure. Cords that are not in good condition should thus be considered dangerous and replaced, not only for safety but also for aesthetic reasons.
Compress, Hug, and Caress: A Basic Rope Bondage Kit
A basic rope bondage kit comprises approximately 130 feet (40 meters) of cord. Quality rope is not cheap, so don’t invest in large quantities until you are certain that you and your partner will make good use of it. There is always time to make a trip back to the local hardware store, nautical shop, or erotic supplier as you refine your skill in creating more intricate, sophisticated, and effective movement-restricting bonds.
The rope you choose should be 5/16 inches (8 millimeters) in diameter. It will make for flat, aesthetically pleasing, and easily released knots—if they are tied properly in the first place! Bondage masters may use a wider variety of diameters, depending on the kinds of bondage to be done, but ¼-inch (6-millimeter) rope is considered to be the minimum diameter required for safe sensual rope bondage. Thinner rope may cut into the bottom’s skin when put under even a slight degree of strain. It also makes for small, hard-to-release knots that are not nearly as aesthetically pleasing as those tied in slightly thicker rope.
Divide your rope into sections of varying lengths. Rope approximately 8 feet long (2.5 meters) is ideal for binding the hands together. Rope approximately 12 feet in length (3.5 meters) is perfect for binding the ankles together as well as for binding the wrists directly to the ankles. Two sections of approximately 26 feet (8 meters) and 40 feet (12 meters) in length can be used for making chest harnesses and other delightful variations on shibari that not only restrain and restrict the bottom’s sense of movement but compress, hug, and caress large areas of the body as well.
Once you have cut the rope, don’t put the scissors away. You still need to seal the ends of the rope in order to prevent fraying and unraveling. Do not tie knots at the ends of your rope! Their bulk will render your bondage session downright clumsy, if not next to impossible to accomplish.
For nylon rope, wrap the ends of each rope with masking tape, leaving approximately ¼ inch (6 millimeters) of the end exposed to make a clean finish. Heat the blade of a knife over a flame then rub the hot blade over the ends of the rope. Once is has cooled, remove and discard the tape. Heating the ends of nylon rope can make their edges rough; fine sandpaper can be used to soften any sharp, scratchy edges. Another solution is to use masking or electrical tape alone to prevent the rope from unraveling.
The ends of rope made from natural materials like hemp, linen, or cotton are traditionally “whipped,” or bound and stitched with twine, to prevent them from fraying, but they, too, can just be wrapped with masking tape. However, this makes for a less visually pleasing bondage cord, no matter the material in question. Consider binding or even stitching the ends of the rope with colored thread to obtain a more visually pleasing result—aesthetics should never be forgotten. I cap my own cords with smooth metal tips, which prevent fraying and add a slight weight to the working ends that facilitates the knotting and binding process. They also bejewel my bondage cords, adding a distinct aesthetic benefit to their erotic function. Take a trip to the hardware store—where unexpected bondage solutions await your sexually creative mind!
Everyone knows that a rope has two ends, but in order to benefit from the initiation in this chapter, you must understand the language of the bondage cords a bit more extensively. The length of the cord that lies between the ends is called the standing line. This section is usually involved in the binding process but not the knotting. The main line marks the beginning of the knot, which terminates with the working end of the cord. The main line is usually kept taut until the knot is tied with the working end. A loop is created when a cord is folded back and crosses over itself. A hitch is a knot that ties a cord to something else, like a hook. Because a hitch tightens under strain, it should not be used directly on the bindings that constrict your happy lover.
Once the ends of the ropes are prepped, find the center of each rope and mark it with a colored thread, a waterproof pen, or a piece of tape. This will permit the top to find the middle of the bondage cord instantly, contributing to the control and fluidity of every gesture made when working with doubled cords. Many of the restraints to be explored are executed with doubled cords; this permits for faster binds and lends more support to the bound limbs and also imbues the binds with a very distinct, pleasing aesthetic.
Plan ahead and color-code these center marks to indicate cord length; for example, use black to indicate 26 feet (8 meters), red for 12 feet (3.5 meters), and so forth. To bundle and store your bondage cords, fold each length in half and, holding the center loop in one hand, repeatedly wrap around the elbow and the palm until the entire length of the cord is in an orderly ring. Then loop, tie, or twist the ends of the cord around the ring to prevent it from unraveling. Now it is ready for titillating action!
Good organization is crucial to every phase of sensual rope bondage. Being organized means the top isn’t undoing kinks and knots instead of dedicating attention to pleasure; it supports the meditative trance-state that the harmonious dance of the cords will evoke in both partners. Some bottoms enjoy taking care of the ropes before the session starts; in fact, their tops can insist that the bottom does so! The partner who is responsible for this phase of the ceremony should make sure that the cords are clean, note wear and tear, and replace any defective cords with a new one.
Once the cords are doubled and neatly bundled, they should be set out in an orderly fashion next to the instruments that will be used to coax the bottom through the gates of Paradise. The top must also remember to keep a pair of blunt-nosed medical shears within arm’s reach to quickly release a bound bottom in case he or she is in any danger.
Being Present at the Gates of Paradise
The safety guidelines that were set forth in the previous section on bondage cuffs should be followed in combination with those below that pertain specifically to sensual rope bondage.
The heightened states of sexual arousal that are intrinsic to the arts of rope bondage depend on factors that go beyond the ability of the top to orchestrate the dance of the cords. For example, the top must stay in physical contact with the bottom at all times. The top’s presence, like his or her touch, instills a sense of security that helps trigger sexual abandon in the bottom. Coaxing the bottom toward the gates of Paradise with the hands and fingers also permits the top to make certain that the constricted areas of the bottom’s body are staying warm. Should any part of a bottom’s body go cold, it is a sign that his or her circulation is compromised.
Should the bottom experience numbness or a tingling sensation, the ropes must be removed at once. Do not wait until the bottom is unable to feel or move the body part in question; once the bottom is freed from the cords, the top should then massage the affected areas and help the bottom flex the numbed body part to encourage the return of circulation.
The most extreme variations of rope bondage entail total or partial suspension of the body and demand great technical skill in order to be performed safely. It also helps if the bottom is in excellent physical shape and knows his or her physical and emotional limits. The techniques of suspension bondage will not be dealt with in this volume, as they are too complex to be safely taught in a limited context. Anyone who masters the basic restraints taught in this chapter and who wishes to learn the more advanced forms of sensual rope bondage should seek out a master in those arts.
Practice for Pleasure
Due to the dangers inherent to sensual rope bondage, I recommend that novices practice on inanimate objects before inviting a lover to submit to the power of the cords. A medium-size cloth doll or even a teddy bear makes for an ideal bondage-training companion. During the Edo period in Japan (1603–1867), a time of flourishing arts, rope bondage techniques were commonly mastered on straw dummies. Unlike human beings, dolls cannot be put at risk, nor will they feel insecure when trainees fumble with the cord, execute knots that cannot be easily released, or create restraints that are sloppy, too tight, or downright dangerous. Lovers, take heed: you are bound to make these mistakes until you master the dance of the cords.
When practicing with a medium-size doll, use a cord with the diameter of ¼ inch (6 millimeters). Cut it into lengths of approximately 3 feet, 6 feet, and 10 feet (1, 2, and 3 meters). If you train on yourself, use cords with a 5/16-inch (8-millimeter) diameter; you will, of course, have to limit your attention to your lower body.
When you feel confident in your skill with the cords, invite a trusted friend or lover to submit to your education. Keep things simple, and progress gradually. Not until you have mastered each restraint that you intend to use, to the point that you feel as if you could almost execute it in your sleep, should you put it to ceremonial use. You and your partner will both benefit from your training; mutual confidence is fundamental to the shared pleasures of sensual rope bondage.
The skilled top is aware that the more restrictive a restraint is, the less likely it is that the bottom will be able to resist in its embrace at length. The top always progresses gradually toward more demanding restraints. Unless the top knows the bottom’s physical limits well, the top should not submit the bottom to the more challenging forms of restraint at the beginning, nor impose lengthy periods of immobilization. The bottom should refrain from touching the cords with their hands whenever possible. This will reinforce the positive effects of the power shift, accentuate the fluidity of the top’s gestures, and enhance the overall harmony of the session.
Japanese rope bondage is often asymmetrical, but this chapter focuses on basic symmetrical restraints alone—some Western, others in the Japanese style—that provide equal degrees of support, tension, and pressure on both sides of the body. The basic knots explored herein are common to sailors, scouts, rock climbers, and equestrians—not just to lovers of sensual rope bondage.
Snug, Not Tight: Cuffs with the French Bowline
The initiation into sensual rope bondage commences with learning how to create bondage cuffs using a knot known as the French bowline (see plate IX). All cords are 5/16 inch (8 millimeters) in diameter. Your 8-foot-long (2.5-meter) cord should be used to bind the wrists; your 12-foot-long (3.5-meter) cord are perfect for binding the ankles.
Start with a single strand of cord and create an overhand loop at one of its ends, making sure to pass the working end of the cord over, not under, the main line (the portion of cord that marks the beginning of the knot). The French bowline will otherwise not take shape.
Then, while holding this loop between your fingers in one hand, run the working end of the cord once around the wrist or the ankle and then pull the end through the loop. Repeat this gesture at least three times, but certainly more if desired, in order to create a band of cords. This provides for more comfortable and safer restraints, because should the bottom struggle, the cord’s tension will be spread over all the cords; it will also help to avoid chafing. (Remember that struggling and straining is a natural response and part of the endorphin-surging fun of movement restraint!)
In order to terminate each French bowline “cuff,” the last time the working end of the cord is looped around the wrist or ankle, its end should be pulled through the loop again. But rather than wrapping it around the limb, run the end directly around the main line (the portion of the cord that marks the very beginning of the knot) and pass it directly back through the loop.
Before tightening the knot, work the cords to take up the slack, making sure that all the loops that go around the limb are of equal length. The final result should be snug, not tight. Slide your forefinger and middle finger between the cords and the bottom’s skin to ensure that the delicate pulse points are not under pressure. The French bowline will not slip or tighten, so this danger is unlikely—as long as the knot is tied properly.
Once both the ankles and wrists have been cuffed, all of the bondage cuffs variations explored in the preceding section may be enacted. When the hand-to-hand, ankle-to-ankle, or ankle-to-hand bonds are being implemented, the top must again take care that the French bowlines lie just above or just below the pulse points—never directly on the points. When the wrists and ankles are bound directly to each other, the restraint should be secured with a safety knot for the quick release, if necessary, of the bound bottom.
Please Release Me: The Safety Knot
Fast release is fundamental to safe sensual bondage. There are several variations on the safety knot, but the following is the easiest to remember, as it is as simple as tying as your shoes. The one difference is that the knot is a half bow created with one loop rather than two before the cords are pulled tight. To form a half bow, proceed as if you were tying your shoes. Make the first loop, then the second loop, then begin to tie the bow. As you tighten it, continue pulling the working end of the second loop all the way through and—voilà! Pull taut. This safety knot can be used to secure any binding made directly on the body and can be released in a matter of seconds by pulling on the loose end of the loop.
Stretch Me Out: The Prusik Knot
The French bowline cuff can also be secured to fixed points such as strategically placed wall hooks, or to any stable object whose design permits for the pleasures of sensual rope bondage, such as a chair or the uprights of a bed, with the Prusik knot.
Unlike the safety knot, the Prusik knot (see plate XI) ought never to be used directly on the body, as it will tighten when put under strain.
The Prusik knot provides for good control over the tension in the standing line, making for effective and dynamic restraints. The Prusik should never, ever be used directly on the body, because it tightens under strain.
Use the ends of the French bowline cuffs as the point of departure in learning how to tie the Prusik knot. Pass the free end of the French bowline cuff around your fixed stable point (for example, the upright of the bed). Pass the working end of the cord over the main line twice to form two loops (see a and b on plate XI). After the second loop has been made, the working end of the rope should be crossed over the engaged section of the working end of the cord that created the first loop then looped twice again in front of the first set of loops, beginning from under the main line (see c). Then pass the end of the cord inside the horizontal loop to complete the knot (see d). The end of the cord should now lie between the double loops that form the left and right sides of the Prusik knot.
Before tightening the knot, perfect its symmetry by pushing the loops together snugly down the taut main line (see e). When the Prusik is tight, it will lock down on the main line. When it is not, it can be slid up and down the main line. This is one of the Prusik’s most notable assets—the tension on the cord can be increased and then released at will. The Prusik is particularly adapted for securing a consenting bottom in a spread-eagle position, as it allows the top not only to restrain the bottom but to gradually stretch them out ever so sweetly (always in accordance with the bottom’s consent and physical limits).
Once the French bowline cuffs are secured to stable fixed points with the Prusik knot, the top should make sure that the cords always pass over the palms and not the backs of the bottom’s hands, reducing the risk of putting their delicate articulations under strain or the pulse points under pressure. This safety measure has a fringe benefit: it gives the bottom a grip point that will render the struggles of his or her erotic captivity all the more dynamic!
Achieve Your Mission: Cord Extensions
An extension with a square knot can be created for a cord that is too short. This beautiful knot is created by twisting the ends of two separate ropes over each other, just as if you were getting ready to tie your shoe, but then, rather than making a bow, the cords are simply twisted over each other a second time. The trick lies in the direction in which these twists are made. Let’s say you’ve created a French bowline cuff, but the standing line is not long enough to permit you to tie the bottom to a fixed point. You can extend the cord and achieve your mission by tying on another length of cord with the help of a square knot. Imagine that the ends of the two cords are labeled (or actually label them, if it’s easier): the end used to make the French bowline cuff is “A,” and the end of the extension is “B.” The first twist should be made by passing A over B. The second and final twist should be made by twisting B over A. Pull the lines taut.
The square knot is ideal for joining two cords, as it tightens under strain. It therefore should never be used to secure binds directly on the body, as it cannot be released quickly.
The Sensual Embrace: Shibari and Compression
Certain forms of shibari serve to restrain the lover’s sense of movement as well as provide the effects of compression. Those who enjoy wearing corsets are familiar with the erotic thrills of compression. Others have experienced its powers through wearing garments that are cut to hug every heavenly curve or are made of constrictive materials like latex, leather, or fabrics that cinch the silhouette such as Lycra or spandex. Tight-fitting clothing defines a body’s underlying shape, creating an impact on the eye of the beholder. It also enhances body awareness, providing the wearer with an all-over body hug that may rub him or her in all the right places!
Depending on how and where the cords are used, they may incite similar (but decidedly more acute) effects. The thighs, the chest, the breasts, and the genitals can be engaged in the hugging, rubbing, and constrictive embrace of the cords. The greater the surface areas of the body that are bound, the greater the overall effects will be—as long as the “no” zones are respected. Restriction and compression can combine for ecstatic results: The areas constricted by the cords become engorged with blood and grow even more sensitive to touch, while compression also induces a calming effect, facilitating the bottom’s ability to truly abandon himself or herself to the sensual realm.
More Tantalizing Restraints
A basic shibari technique to restrain the wrists can also be used to restrain the legs, arms, and ankles, as well as tie the wrists to the ankles (see plate XII). Invite the bottom to put his or her hands together, pulse point to pulse point, either at the front or the back of the body. Use a doubled 8-foot-long (2.5-meter) cord, and wrap it around both wrists two or three times, keeping the binds symmetrical and even. The cords should not cross over each other but lie flat against each other and the skin. If the pulse points do not face and therefore protect each other, make sure the cords lie slightly above or below, not directly on, them. The last time the doubled cord is wrapped around the wrists, bring the working ends back to the front of the bind. Adjust the band of cord to ensure that the loop created by the bend at the middle of the cord is about 4 inches (10 centimeters) long and the resulting bind is symmetrical and harmonious.
Thread the working ends of the cords through the space between the wrists and wrap all of the cords that form the bind a couple of times, if not more, depending on the slack that needs to be taken up and the length of the standing lines.
The last time you pass the ends of the cords between the wrists, bring them back to the front of the bind and secure the restraint by tying a safety knot with the working cords and the loop. Arrange the knot and any remaining cord length in such a way that the bottom cannot execute a fast release on his or her own. This basic restraint is as effective as it is aesthetically pleasing to behold. Before commencing to tantalize your bound lover and/or proceeding to execute, for example, a lower-body bond, check again that the cords are not too tight.
Complete Control: The Kaiyaku Kani, or the Crab
The Kaikyaku Kani, or “the crab,” is a two-phased restraint. First invite the bottom to sit or to lie on his or her back, bending the knees toward the chest. Using a doubled cord that is 25 to 30 feet long (8 to 9 meters), wrap the cord around a paired wrist and ankle, then pass the ends of the cord through the loop. Wrap the cords in the opposite direction three or four times, creating the bind. Make sure to leave a little bit of space between the ankle and the wrist. Ensure that the center loop is positioned in the middle of the bind, then thread the working ends of the cord through it.
Take up the slack in the cords by running the ends of the cord through the space between the ankle and the wrist; wrap the ends at least once, preferably twice, around all of the cords. The bottom should not be able to slip out of the restraint, but he or she must be able to move his or her wrists! Secure this phase of the restraint by tying an overhand knot at the front of the bind. Repeat the same restraint on the other wrist and ankle.
The second phase of the crab entails restraining the legs. Using the remaining length of the doubled cord, bind the lower portion of the calf and the thigh. Next, take up the slack and secure the bind by passing the working ends of the cords through the space between the cords and the crook of the knee. Terminate the bind with an overhand knot, and repeat the same restraint on the other side of the body.
If you are using long cords and come up with extra length, once the legs have been restrained, you may wish to cross the working lines from the right knee to the left side of the body, and vice versa, and terminate the crab by making a safety knot at the back. If the working lines are not long enough to do this, the same results can be achieved by adding two extra lengths of doubled cord to the knee restraints. The effects of the restraint can also be intensified by passing a cord around the back of the neck and securing the working ends to the left and right knee binds, which will pull the upper body forward.
Touch, Tease, and Squeeze: The Chest Harness
The chest harness (see plate XIII) can be used on its own, or in combination with a variety of restraints, including the crab. It provides a snug hug that instills in the bottom a unique sense of calm and security while providing the top with a grip point that will permit him or her to maneuver the bottom with ease from the seated position onto his or her back, rendering the genitals more accessible. The chest harness compresses the chest and lifts a female partner’s breasts—not only a delectable sight to behold but also an irresistible invitation to touch, tease, and please!
When creating the chest harness, as with any other restraint on a standing bottom, the top should remain in a fixed position as much as possible. That is, rather than moving around the bottom, the top should have the bottom turn according to the demands of creating the restraint. This will avoid the bottom getting entangled in lengthy cords. It also reinforces the effects of the power shift and induces a euphoric sense of displacement in the bottom.
To create a basic chest harness, I recommend a doubled cord that is 40 feet long (12 meters). Hold the loop at the center of the bottom’s back, just below the shoulder blades, and have the bottom spin slowly; adjust the rope as it wraps around the area just beneath the breasts of a woman or the lower portion of a man’s chest. Once the bottom comes twice in full circle, pass the ends of the rope through the center loop at the back. Making sure that the lines do not cross each other and that the bind is harmonious and symmetrical, pull the cords snugly against the bottom’s skin. (When a bottom has breast implants, care should be taken that the cords aren’t pulled too tightly.)
Then ask the bottom to spin in the opposite direction, so that the ropes can be wrapped directly over the upper area of the breasts or chest. The resulting bind should be the same width as the lower one. Repeated wrapping will make for a more supportive, constrictive chest harness. Once the bottom comes full circle for the last time, the ends of the rope should be passed through the center loop at the back once again. Make sure the bind is symmetrical before pulling the cords taut.
Holding the cords taut, move to the bottom’s side and guide the cords over one of the shoulders and down the center of the chest, over the horizontal lines forming the front of the chest harness; the working ends are then threaded under the cords that form the base of the harness at the sternum. Next, bring them back up and over the lines that created the first “strap.” This will result in an elegant drop-shaped loop at the center of the harness. Guide the cords over the opposite shoulder, thread them around the knot at the center of the back, and then give them a controlled but decisive tug to increase the tension on the harness. (This gesture will also remind the bottom of who is in control of his or her pleasure!) Secure the chest harness with an overhand or square knot. Finally, check in to make sure that the bottom is comfortable.
The harness will gradually increase the sensitivity of the breasts and the nipples. Like any form of bondage that constricts the thorax, it will also slightly reduce the natural expansion of the lungs and therefore the amount of air taken in. As the involuntary act of breathing verges toward a more voluntary and conscious act, the entire body will be called upon to adjust to the reduction of oxygen in the bloodstream. Those who practice yoga use a similar kind of breath control to instill a concentrated state of mind. The effects of the chest harness can lead a bound bottom toward similarly deep meditative states and heighten overall perceptions and awareness. The bound bottom may also experience pleasant sensations of drifting or weightlessness.
Intricate Ecstasy: Kinbaku, or the Unknotted Tortoise Shell
The effects of compression in combination with restraint can be executed in a traditional variation of kinbaku—the unknotted tortoise shell (see plate XVI). As complicated as this variation appears to be, it is actually surprisingly simple to do. Use your longest cord of 40 feet (12 meters), double it, and place the loop over the bottom’s head. Without pulling the cords tight, pull the main lines toward the center of the bottom’s chest and run them straight through the legs, along either side of the genitals. Bring the ends of the main lines up along the back and through the loop at the back of the neck.
Do not pull the cords snug. The creation of the unknotted tortoise shell will gradually take up the slack. If the cord is initially too snug, the binding cannot be nearly as intricate, and it risks becoming too constricting to be considered physically pleasing for the bottom. The more elaborate the restraint becomes, the more aesthetically moving it will be for both partners. With practice you will learn to calculate the amount of slack required to execute the tortoise shell to a T!
Now separate the working lines, run them under the bottom’s arms, then ask the bottom to spin so you have access to his or her front. Working from the top of the body downward, cross the main lines at the front of the body over each other, then thread the ends of the working lines over the vertical lines and pull them snug. This will create the first diamond shape, as well as the first horizontal line across the top of the chest. Continue working in this manner, crossing the vertical lines on the front of the body, then at back of the body, in accordance with the design that you wish to make.
As you proceed, the cords will tighten, and periodically check that those cords that lie on either side of the genitals do not cross over each other. When the upper-body tortoise shell is complete, tie it off at the back with a square knot. You may wish to rig a vibrator into the cords that come into contact with the genitals, which will cause all the cords to vibrate. If you have extra cord at the back of the harness, you may decide to use it to tie the bottom’s wrists together behind his or her back using the basic shibari technique learned earlier in this chapter. Finish this bind with a safety knot.
Feel free to add extra lengths of cord in order to accomplish variations on the theme; your imagination is the limit as long as you respect the “no” zones.
Sweet Torture: The Cock Ring
One of my favorite restraints is an alternative to the cock ring (see plate VII). Using at least 6 feet (2 meters) of ¼-inch-diameter (6-millimeter) cord, double it, and then wrap it around the fully erect penis and the testicles. Thread the ends of the cord through the center loop, and tug for a snug fit. (Try not to snag your lover’s pubic hair in the bindings.) Ensure that the bind is not too tight, then wrap the ropes in the opposite direction, at least two or three times, if not more. Terminate the bond by hitching the free ends of the ropes into the main lines, at the top or the bottom of the bind, and tie them off with the simple overhand knot. The extra cord can be used as a leash or reins for your wild pony, or succumb to the temptation to crisscross the cords up your lover’s engorged shaft. Pulling the ends ever so gently as you go will push his pleasure to celestial heights. Now that the vas deferens—and, therefore, the ejaculation reflex—are under delightful control, you can torture him with sweet ecstasy until he sees stars!
Euphoric Release
The way in which a bottom is released from the embrace of the cords, no matter where they are placed on the body, is as important to the positive outcome of the session as their skillful, harmonious application. When possible, the bottom should continue to move according to the top’s instructions and refrain from touching the cords as they slip away from his or her body.
If the top prefers a bottom’s release to be slow, the bottom’s senses and breathing pattern will gradually readjust to a usual functioning state. If, on the other hand, the cords are released suddenly, the bottom will enjoy a sensory rush, a euphoric sense of liberation. Once all the cords have been removed, the bottom should be invited to relax and revel in the afterglow of the sensual rope bondage session.