I’m all for bringing back the birch, but only between consenting adults.
—Gore Vidal
FLAGELLATION MAY BE the most misinterpreted and controversial of all of the transcendental techniques in the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony. Striking the body of another is regularly associated with violence, aggression, and punishment, and for good reason: whips, floggers, crops, and the like were designed not only to drive animals but to torture and punish human beings, so to uphold their use as a means of heightening degrees of sexual satisfaction is a challenging task.
You may have winced over an online depiction of a gory flagellation and wondered how and why anyone would submit himself or herself to such treatment in the name of pleasure. But when it comes to sex, the Internet thrives on extremes that draw attention, and therefore, business. In reality, erotic flagellation can be practiced as a means toward ecstatic sensations without causing physical or emotional harm—contrary to those sadomasochistic representations favored by the media, cinema, and the sex industry. When the tools are wielded skillfully—one can even say artistically—flagellation prompts a positive release and exchange of sexual energy.
No matter how “hard” or “soft” lovers play, physical abuse does not properly figure in a truly healthy sexual relationship. This cannot be reiterated enough: the needs, desires, and limits of the partner on the receiving end must be respected at all times. Good tops, whether they are sadists or not, only provide erotic flagellation in a safe, ritualized environment with full knowledge of and appreciation for the bottom’s psychophysiological needs and the tools they are wielding. In the context of the Sexual Ceremony, the sole intent of a top is to transport the bottom, and consequentially himself or herself, toward higher dimensions in the sexual realm. Consent, like good intent, makes the difference between reality and ritual, between ecstasy and agony.
A look at the history of flagellation reveals the technique’s once highly respected powers. Pre-Judeo-Christian cultures did not reserve the whip for purposes of punishment or torture alone; flagellation was used to purify and heal the body and absolve the spirit. Shamans from Siberia to Mesopotamia and from Africa to the Americas used flagellation in initiation rites of passage, and in many parts of the world the practice continues today. Ritualized whipping might still be used to avert evil spirits, ensure fertility, ease the pain of childbirth, or open a portal into the spiritual realm.
Pagan cults that worshipped the god Dionysus in Greece and Diana the Huntress in Rome practiced ritualized flagellation to induce euphoria and facilitate sexual transcendence. Even the Christian priesthood adopted flagellation—pagan practices for attaining heightened states of consciousness are often at the foundation of Christian rituals. However, unlike their pagan ancestors, these ascetic holy fathers practiced (and preached!) flagellation solely for the purpose of self-punishment. Ritual flagellation was performed by the faithful in private as well public ceremonies and even parades. Impure acts or thoughts were allegedly driven out of the spirit by the beatings. Those who enjoy erotic flagellation could conclude that this “punishment” was the means for ascetics to realize unfulfilled and denied sexual desires, as the effects of flagellation not only induce endorphin elation but also, for some individuals, provoke orgasm. Some aficionados of erotic flagellation actually prefer the pleasures of the whip to those of intercourse and penetration.
Corporal punishment was always the primary purpose of flagellation in Judeo-Christian cultures. However, during the period of the European Enlightenment, approximately 1650 through 1800, doctors began to prescribe the technique as a remedy for sluggish constitutions, to revive the senses, and as a cure for male impotency.
Flagellation’s association with sexual pleasure was not fully recognized, and thus not officially condemned, until the end of the nineteenth century, when the medical community categorized erotic flagellation as deviant or “abnormal” sexual behavior. But this has never stopped people from seeking the pleasures of the whip! Erotic flagellation was considered to be a predominantly English tradition—even called by other Europeans “the English vice”—probably instigated by the once-accepted practice of corporal punishment of children in schools. Up through the 1950s, London was the city most renowned in Europe for accessible “spanking houses” and public “whipping clubs,” where flagellation could be practiced openly, even as a group pleasure.
In reality, sexually mature adults who appreciate erotic flagellation come from all corners of the earth; rarely have these flagellation aficionados been chastised at home or school or been victims of other forms of abuse or violence. If you have longed to experience the exhilarating effects of spanking, whipping, or flogging but have refrained for fear of being labeled or hurt, now is the time to invite your partner to help you shed your shame, dissolve your fears, and make your fantasy a guiltless reality. Share The Boudoir Bible with your partner; help him or her understand that your desire to experience erotic flagellation, either as top or bottom, is within the parameters of healthy sexual behavior.
Though most of the tools and techniques of erotic flagellation (see plate XV) serve to stimulate specific areas of the body with precision, their psychophysiological impact is paradoxically all encompassing. The proficient provision of sensations with soft whips, floggers, riding crops, and similar instruments heightens the bottom’s perceptive capacity and awakens his or her every sense. When purveyed skillfully by the top, in alternation with genital pleasures, flagellation prompts the blood to circulate readily throughout the entire body—not just to the areas that are directly stimulated. The sexual vibration mounts and begins to radiate from its source, charging the entire body with the erotic pulse. This makes the technique a wildly ecstatic and invigorating theme for any session, as well as a promising prelude to other ceremonial pleasures.
Novices to erotic flagellation should refrain from pushing limits—their own or anyone else’s—before they have discovered what these limits are, which is only possible through practice. Skilled tops neither insist that the bottom submit unconditionally to his or her whip hand nor impose the more extreme forms of flagellation upon an occasional partner or novice.
As with the other transcendental techniques, this practice is an act of trust. Its bonding powers are strengthened by the top’s impeccable degree of control (and good aim) but also through excellent communication skills, as elaborated in the chapter “Honor Each Other: Safety,” a must-read before exploring flagellation.
Erotic flagellation demands a certain amount of anatomical understanding in order to be administered skillfully and, thus, safely. The fleshy areas of the body will have a more positive, erotic response to flagellation, with the buttocks being the only area of the body that can be lovingly whipped, spanked, or flogged without posing any real risk of putting a bottom in danger. But before dwelling on the delights of the derrière, it’s essential to know the parts of the body that should simply never be struck with anything other than a feather!
Like the “no” zones of sensual rope bondage, detailed in the chapter “Abandon Yourself: Erotic Restraints,” the “no” zones for erotic flagellation (see plate IX) are those areas of the body where blood vessels lie close to the surface: the neck, the back of the knees, the crook of the elbows, the inner wrists, the armpits, the fine skin of the ankles, and the groin area. Striking these zones, no matter how lovingly, can be dangerous—so caress, tickle, and kiss, but don’t whip!
The same rule applies to the entire circumference of the waist, no matter how fleshy it may be. All vital organs are vulnerable, so do not risk bruising the intestines, stomach, liver, or kidneys, which lie within the vulnerable waistline’s soft walls. Also to be avoided are the areas where bones lie close to the surface: the shins, collarbone, the spinal column, the ribs, the fingers and toes, and the fragile tailbone—these areas will rarely incite an erotic response, and striking at bones can reap grave consequences. There are two unusual exceptions—the sternum and the sacrum, which will be explored in detail with the techniques of erotic cropping.
The face is also off-limits, but for one controversial exception: the slap. Certain lovers may enjoy the administration of a perfectly aimed and impeccably timed lust slap (done with the tips of the fingers, not the palm of the hand). The psychological impact of face slapping is more intense than the sensation itself. If your lover wishes to explore the psychophysiological effects of a carefully calculated lust slap, he or she should dare to ask for it, and your target must be the center of the fleshiest area of your wanton lover’s cheek. Slapping any other zone of the face, including the ears, is dangerous. The timing of a slap is so crucial to its positive reception. I would recommend that this gesture be reserved for partners who enjoy its effects, and only if they simply adore each other and are both highly sexually aroused! These conditions are pertinent to the use of any instrument of erotic flagellation. Aside from the target of the careful hand, however, the head, the neck, and the face are always to be considered strictly off-limits … unless the bottom is invited to kiss a warm whip, crop, or flogger to express his or her gratitude!
The highly sensitive inner arms and the inner thighs, like the sides of the torso and the breasts, are very delicate areas of the body, and while not strictly off-limits during every form of flagellation, they need to be approached with caution. The palms of the hands and soles of the feet are highly charged with nerve endings and may be sweetly cropped or whipped to delight, but high-impact blows are to be avoided. The Kama Sutra encourages lovers to flagellate the muscular areas of the shoulders, the upper back, the hips, and the torso, as well as the buttocks. When striking these areas of the body, the top’s aim must be precise enough to strike at the shoulder muscles and not the shoulder blades; the upper back and the muscles that sustain the spine but not the waist or the spinal column itself; the hips but not the hip bones; and the muscles of the upper chest but not the breasts, collarbone, or neck.
Until the top is a skilled master of the wielded tool, he or she will want to concentrate most of the attention on the bottom’s bottom—not only the safest place to administer any form of erotic flagellation but, for many, the most erogenous spot to receive such attentions. As the muscles of the buttocks are the largest in the body, they are more tolerant to direct, intense contact.
Not to be ignored is that lower portion of the buttocks that meets the backs of the legs, known as “the sweet spot” (see plate XIV). This area contains a great number of nerve endings, some of which are connected to the glands of the genitals, both the penis and the clitoris. Stimulating the sweet spot is therefore an indirect means of stimulating the genitals, which explains why erotic flagellation can inspire heightened sexual arousal as well as orgasm.
The buttocks may be tantalized by every tool and technique available to inspired lovers, but there is nothing that can compare to the invigorating dance of the whip hand and other tools. But before the top commences to “cherry” the well-aroused bottom’s cheeks, locate the bottom’s sacrum—the triangular bone that lies at the base of the spine. From there, run the fingers down to the coccyx, or the tailbone. This tapered end of the spinal cord is fragile enough to break under the impact of a poorly delivered stroke and should never be struck.
Tops must make certain that the bottom is in a stable position, one that will permit him or her to respond, without injury, to the impact of every stroke and strike. If sensations are to be administered for a psychological response—for example, in the context of role-play that might explore ritualized humiliation—the bottom may be put into a position that reflects the motivation for the spank, whip, or flog. The interrelation of the top’s and the bottom’s bodies will be determined not only by the tool or technique but also by the session’s encompassing motivation.
Even though the tools and techniques of erotic flagellation automatically reinforce the roles of top and bottom, not everyone is ready to delve into the psychology of subservience. Bottoms who are seeking only a sensory experience are not likely to appreciate being pulled over the top’s knee like a naughty child. Nor will this bottom feel comfortable in the classic “schoolboy” position: bending over at the waist to grasp the ankles. (Note that this position compromises the bottom’s balance, and it should never be used when high-impact sensations are in store.) Lovers who do not wish to explore the deeper psychological effects of erotic flagellation may prefer less theatrical positions: if you are such a bottom, stand and brace yourself with your hands against a wall, with your feet about shoulders’ width apart, or bend over a sturdy piece of furniture or go down on all fours. Bent positions provide perfect access to the buttocks as well as to the ever-enchanting genitals. They also stretch the skin, bringing nerve endings and blood vessels closer to the surface, therefore enhancing sensitivity.
When the bottom is a man, the top must be extremely careful to avoid striking his testicles. The bottom may cover his “family jewels” with a hand if they is not restrained. The top can likewise give protection with his or her hand that is not employed, but this has the disadvantage of limiting agility and control. To keep his testicles out of harm’s way, the bottom might wear a thong (although not everyone will appreciate that aesthetic). If the top is skilled in the art of cock-and-ball bondage and the bottom enjoys its effects, the penis as well as the testicles can be bound in such a manner as to be drawn out of danger, a creative solution that can be achieved by combining the techniques of sensual cock-and-ball rope bondage and basic kinbaku, described in the section on sensual rope bondage in the chapter “Abandon Yourself: Erotic Restraints.” Another solution is to have the male bottom close or cross his legs.
Male or female, if the bottom is standing, care must be taken so that the bottom does not lose balance. If he or she is standing with feet together, there must be a place to brace against the impact of each strike or stroke. The bottom’s feet should never be bound together unless his or her upper body is fully supported. In general, less risky positions, such as on all fours, are the best place to start experimenting. Over time and with experience, lovers will discover the most comfortable and convenient positions. The partner who is providing sensations should feel free to help his or her bottom find a balanced position—thus reinforcing the role of the top, which the receptive bottom won’t mind a bit. Novice tops should confine their attention to the buttocks only and refrain from using any tools other than their hands; that is, they should experiment first with spanking.
Hand spanking provides for an intimate exchange between partners and is an excellent initiation into the psychophysiological effects of flagellation. Until the 1950s, the first direct contact that a newborn baby had with another human being, upon his or her entry into the world, was a perfectly calculated spank on the buttocks by the firm hand of the obstetrician. This caused the baby to cry out of surprise (not pain), clearing the lungs of fluids and filling them with air. Modern hospitals now employ a device that suctions fluids from the baby’s mouth, so a machine has replaced the primal spank.
Erotic spanking has a similar capacity to jump-start both the body and mind, sending a seemingly desensitized or sluggish person into an erotic whirl. The manually administered spank has the unique advantage of being easy to combine with other forms of stimulation, including penetration—as long as both partners are well aroused. Any technique that opens the doors to the sexual dimension is a good prelude to erotic flagellation, as a proper warm-up is essential. As the ceremony evolves, the ideal moment for an erotic spank will arise; a good top will know how and when to take advantage—and the aroused bottom could also beg for it, to the top’s delight.
To reduce the stinging impact of each loving strike on the top’s hand (as well as the bottom’s bottom), the purveyor should cup his or her hand, holding the fingers firmly together. Thin, unlined leather gloves or latex gloves can be worn to keep that distinct sting that spanking prompts from radiating into the hands of the purveyor of the exhilarating pleasures. Gloves, also considered fine erotic accessories by many, bring exciting acoustic effects to the session. So don’t forget to respect those not taking part in your ceremonial pleasures—make sure that the room is soundproofed. Spanking makes a delightful noise!
Start the spanking session by “smoothing out” the bottom’s buttocks with your hands. Then caress, squeeze, and tantalize the delectable flesh of these nether regions to get a feeling for their layout. This preparatory contact reinforces the intimate bond and prepares both bottom and top mentally as well as physically. Once every rise and fall, dip and ripple of the bottom’s contours have been lovingly assessed, the spanking may commence.
Light, fleeting taps and the occasional squeeze get the session rolling. The timing of your first real strike must be exactly right. As the bottom eases into the sensations, move on again with light taps, then with more calculated strokes, and possibly a few decisive strikes. A deft, slapping gesture, the hand leaving the bottom’s buttocks the instant after contact, reduces both the impact of the spank and the risk of generating oversensitivity. Spank the buttocks with rhythmic strokes with an upward, “lifting” gesture.
Between each more intense spank, intersperse soft and subtle sensations, for example a shower of reassuring caresses and some genital attentions, too. This will avoid sensory overload in your bottom and allow sexual tension to mount gradually. Take your time. Alternating degrees of intensity and the areas of contact will keep the experience from becoming predictable, enhancing the psychological impact of the ritual. When the bottom begs for more, the top may choose to give him or her less, and vice versa. The rhythm of the session should be maintained through such artful variations as balancing the number of strikes made on the left and the right sides of the body, always returning to stimulating the genitals. Introducing a light, feathery tool mid-session will be perceived as a gracious gesture and an enlightening sexual experience!
As you progressively stimulate the bottom, his or her bloodstream will receive a steady flow of endorphins. Day-to-day worries, along with any preconception of what “pain” might be, will dissolve in deep pleasure. Where the mind goes, the body follows—so novice tops should not be surprised when their lovers beseech them for more intense strikes. Don’t push the limits established before the ceremony began. The bottom’s threshold for pain will naturally increase because endorphins are natural painkillers, so novice or skilled, the top must always proceed with caution, keeping his or her exhilarated flagellant under close observation at all times.
Lovers who intend not only to test but also push limits should implement the “gauge of good strikes.” This means that before the session begins, both top and bottom define the maximum number of “good” strikes that may be administered before the session’s end. Good strikes are those that are just intense enough to reach or, at the most, gingerly push the bottom’s limits—and not surpass them. It will be the bottom’s responsibility to voice each good strike out loud; ten good strikes are normally enough to bring the bottom to his or her limit.
By essentially putting the bottom in control, the “gauge of good strikes” helps to guarantee the ritual’s harmonious evolution and prevents the error of the bottom’s limits being overstepped. When the bottom says “one,” the top understands this as the first good strike, and thereby gauges the intensity for each strike following. Good strikes incite a wild rush of sexual energy, which further releases endorphins. The strikes should fall first on one side of the body, then on the other, intermingled with a shower of ethereal, cooling caresses and sumptuous genital attentions. The more the top is in control of all of his or her generous resources, the more the bottom will surrender to the sensual realm and the more enduring and exhilarating the session will be for both partners.
While good strikes may be accompanied with an involuntary flinch, if the bottom resists or recoils from the top’s attentions, the top should interpret the reaction as an indication that he or she has surpassed the bottom’s limits. The bottom should be able to trust that the top will stop and smooth his or her rosy, smarting soul with more tender, loving care. If a bottom’s limits have been involuntarily surpassed, genital pleasures are the most thrilling way for the top to say, “Sorry, baby.”
Once the bottom has been coaxed back into a relaxed, receptive state of mind, the session of erotic flagellation may be resumed. But it’s the bottoms call to do so—and the bottom’s wish is the top’s command. If the top insists upon administering sensations that are not in accord with the bottom’s needs, desires, and limits, it is the bottom’s right to bring the ceremony to an end.
Overzealous, forceful, fleeting, and unexpected blows that surpass the bottom’s psychophysiological limits—prompting the bottom to call out the good strikes in a hurried sequence, use the safe word “red,” or protect himself or herself from blows—are unacceptable. The infliction of real pain—that is, beyond the pain threshold of the bottom, or outside the context of consensual, loving agreement—has absolutely nothing to do with the philosophy of The Boudoir Bible.
When the ceremony has progressed harmoniously, the top will notice the bottom’s skin beginning to take on a rosy color as blood rushes to the skin’s surface; it will also be warm if not hot to the touch. Such transformations herald the transmission of energy and are clear signals that the areas are now more sensitive. This is one reason why the intensity of a strike, after the first “good strike,” does not have to be increased in order to make an impact. As the top takes care to monitor the intensity of each strike, so endorphin elation in the bottom transforms what might otherwise be interpreted as pain into a rush of pleasurably intense and possibly transcendental sensations.
When the bottom voices “ten,” the end of the flagellation is nigh, and the ceremony now takes on new focus. The top may soothe the bottom’s hot, rosy cheeks one last time with sweet, gracious caresses. Engaging in genitally oriented pleasures highlights the positive effects of spanking or other erotic flagellations. Orgasms experienced shortly after a flagellation session bring an entirely new meaning to the word “pleasure.”
Spanking can be done with other implements, too. Many Anglo-Saxons will recall the days when a board, paddle, or cane was an acceptable means to punish schoolchildren. I will never forget the sight of the board that hung on the wall behind the headmaster’s imposing desk at my school. It was made of solid oak, its handle branded with the school’s mascot—a growling bulldog—and it was feared. Those who had the misfortune to taste its bite did not wish to do so twice.
But unless you and your partner are bona fide sadomasochists, cumbersome spanking boards, heavy paddles, and canes are next to impossible to use lovingly. For the purpose of the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony, partners are therefore encouraged to seek out the lighter paddles designed explicitly for erotic spanking (see plate XIV). Paddles have never been more available in a wider variety of materials, shapes, and sizes than they are today. Many of these instruments can be wielded with a lighter hand, but all of them should be used with tapping gestures at the start, not strikes. As the bottom warms up and grows increasingly aroused, he or she may crave more intense contact. Whether made of leather, wood, or other materials, light paddles are easy to control, so the top is not likely to surpass the bottom’s limits. But a word of warning: with overuse, even light paddles can inflict injurious sensations. If these are incurred repeatedly, session after session, damage to nerve endings and blood vessels may result—an unfortunate condition called “leather butt” in BDSM jargon, which is a desensitization of the sweet spot. And that is a consequence that no lover would want to inflict upon another!
The strap is usually composed of one or two thick leather flaps or straps. Its impact will depend on its weight and the kind of leather from which it is made—the heavier and less supple the hide, the more the strap must be handled with care. The sensations from light straps can be compared to those provided with the hand. Straps further provide an acoustical thrill, even when used in moderation—a sound that heightens the psychological impact of the ceremony for both top and bottom. Some of you may have a memory of your father’s belt chastising your tender hindquarters, not to mention your burgeoning psyche. But the aim of the top, in the context of the Sexual Ceremony, is always to provide pulsating, erotic pleasure, not distress and pain!
Once consenting lovers have explored the powers and pleasures of erotic spanking to their satisfaction, they may wish to explore whips. The term “whip” is commonly used to define a wide variety of instruments—some designed to control animals, others to punish human beings, and yet others fashioned specifically for erotic flagellation.
The cat, the riding crop, the flogger, and the horsetail whip especially are hailed for their capacity to provide for a full-body experience, prompting circulation, increasing overall sensitivity, and permitting lovers to engage in lengthy rituals. Contrary to their menacing appearance, these instruments actually incite sensual sensations that range from feathery to moderate to intense. When used skillfully and in harmony with the bottom’s limits, they may inspire a wide range of pleasures without necessarily inspiring any threshold of pain. The basic guidelines for the safe use of whips are essentially the same as those pertaining to spanking. New rules will arise in light of the fact that these tools present an inestimable advantage: they may pleasure areas other than the buttocks.
Like the paddle and the strap, the cat, crop, flogger, and horsetail whips should also be considered extensions of the hand. The gesture that sets them into action should come from the wrist, not the arm. Novices can first practice the dance of the whip on an inanimate object, perfecting the aim and acquiring that distinctive flick of the wrist. Compact pillows are the best target—if covered in leather, all the better!
Let’s say you have acquired good control and a sexy rhythm, and that you have perfected your aim; nevertheless, before targeting your lover’s bottom, test the new tool on your own naked skin. The self-administration of sensations will not be perceived as acutely as any laid on by another, but testing your new whips, cats, crops, and floggers on your forearm, the muscular area of the outer thighs, and, when possible, on the buttocks will enlighten you as to the sensational potential of the tool.
Those lovers who enjoyed being spanked can look forward to the possibility of being cropped, flogged, or carefully whipped; all such sensations are quite different from a spank.
The bottom can be in a few positions that are conducive to such pleasures: lying face down, on all fours, standing in a stable position, or safely restrained. These positions permit the top to move around the body freely in a natural, harmonious manner; a top can think of leading a three-way dance between the bottom, the tool in hand, and himself or herself. The top may administer brisk taps, moderate strokes, and at the maximum a few harder strikes, unless the bottom actually prefers more intense sensations.
Lovers have probably appreciated the powers of the riding crop, beyond its equestrian function, ever since it was invented. Traditionally made of cane covered with woven leather strips, crops are now usually composed of a flexible shaft made of fiberglass covered with woven leather strips or a synthetic fabric mesh. The riding crop terminates in a leather tongue called a popper, lash, or quirt, depending on its form.
In the context of the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony, the more genteel nature of those crops that terminate with a flat leather tongue, or popper, finds their place. If, when shopping for your crop, you are seduced by one made in pastel leather, or with a handle encrusted with rhinestones rather than a more menacing, studded, black leather model—go for it! But keep in mind that these fashionable crops, as feminine and glamorous as they seem to be, are as potent as those with a more hardcore aesthetic.
Crops are used to sensitize very precise areas of the body with very targeted strikes, charging the bottom’s body with tingling delight. Unless tops are skilled at the art of erotic cropping, attentions should be confined to the buttocks, the upper thighs, and the sides of the hips. These areas may be stimulated with the popper as well as with the shaft of the crop, but in the latter case, the top must exercise greater self–control. The shaft of the crop is capable of inflicting extreme sensations (and welts), similar to those evoked by canes. Because of the cane’s “extreme” potential to provide sensations as well as painful bruises and marks, I have excluded the cane from the Paradise Found repertoire—with all due respect for those who need pain in order to experience pleasure.
The muscular areas of the upper arms, the shoulders, and the muscles that support the spinal column, like the backs of the legs, will all respond ecstatically to the crop’s leather tongue. The soles of the feet can also be carefully cropped, but the delicate skin in the crook of the knees ought never be struck.
While cropping the waistline is strictly forbidden, skilled tops may tantalize the sacrum, which lies at the base of the spine. The sciatic nerve and other sacral nerves, some of which terminate in the genitals, pass through the bone’s triangular structure. This connectivity helps explain why it responds well to stimulation, and how this “sacred” bone was so named.
We have the bone’s description first from the Greeks, hieron osteon, meaning “holy bone.” Translated into the Latin sacer, or “holy”, our sacred sacrum has since been assumed by many cultures to be the source of humankind’s procreative powers. Shamans from Mesoamerica to Siberia considered the sacrum to be a cosmic portal to and from the spiritual dimension. The sacrum is formed by the fusion of six vertebrae—a developmental process that does not reach completion until adults are approximately twenty-six years of age. While stimulating the sacrum ever so carefully with the crop, avoid striking the fragile tailbone. The sacrum may also be deeply massaged. This charges the genitals with an ecstatic pulse of energy.
The only other bone that may be the object of flagellatory stimulation is the sternum, the flat bone that lies at the center of the chest. The sternum acts as the heart’s protective shield and braces the ribcage. The Kama Sutra suggests that lovers tap the sternum to elicit sexual energy. Within the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony, it can be approached, not by striking, but with very soft, light taps of the crop’s leather tongue. If the bottom is not comfortable with this sensation, similarly positive effects may be obtained, as with the sacrum, by massaging the area with the fingertips.
Specialists in Indian Ayurvedic medicine consider the sternum to be the location of the heart chakra. To open this center of human compassion, they practice specific disciplines. The result is a putting aside of the ego, allowing love to enter the spirit, and feeling the desire to be of service to others. If the top might effect this response in the bottom, it is an ideal state for both of them to be in!
Yet it must be understood that striking the sternum is dangerous. The soft tip of the riding crop is the only instrument of erotic flagellation that will provide a skilled top with enough precision to safely stimulate this area. Though crops permit for a greater degree of control than other whips, their use on the front of the body should be limited to the sternum, the inner and outer thighs, and the muscular zones of the upper torso. Cropping the neck or face, the ribs, breasts, or collarbone verges on punishment and is dangerous. The nipples may be teased to attention with the very tip of the crop, but as with the genitals, these vulnerable zones should not be struck. Tickle and tease only; these delights will more than suffice.
Good Medicine
No matter the genre of whip, the longer its lashes, the more difficult it will be to control. The lashes of long whips, floggers, and cats range in length from approximately 12 inches to 20 inches (30 to 50 centimeters), excluding the handle. If the lashes correspond more or less to the length of the forearm of the person using it, he or she will feel more in control of the tool. To determine the length best for you, measure from the crease of the elbow to the tip of the middle finger. Long whips are best for back stimulation, while shorter whips, which range from 6 to 10 inches (15 to 25 centimeters), excluding the handle, work well for frontal stimulation. Short floggers make a slighter impact and provide the degree of control necessary to avoid striking the neck, face, or eyes with its lashes. Novice tops should train with the shorter version, which are less likely to “wrap,” strike off the target, or “come back,” giving the novice a taste of the good medicine they are dosing out!
The horsetail whip is the most versatile of the instruments of erotic flagellation (see plate XV). In the context of the tickle ritual, its use makes for a wonderfully smooth transition from a bout of erotic tickling to one of flagellation, or vice versa. When used to its full potential, it provides for a distinctly pleasant and invigorating sting that flushes fresh, oxygenated blood throughout the bottom’s system. Such sensations heighten the bottom’s overall sensory awareness, enhance his or receptivity, and, as with any flagellation performed skillfully, leave the bottom feeling both physically and mentally purified.
The horsetail whip is an excellent prelude to any other form of contact. As it may be used to stimulate large surfaces areas of the body without provoking sensory overload, it is particularly adapted to lengthy sessions. The sound that the horsetail whip makes is also low impact, more of a swish or swoosh than the slap, crack, and clap of other flagellators, making it a discreet travel accessory.
Like any long whip or flogger, the horsetail whip may be used while the bottom is lying down, in a relaxed position. If the bottom is lying on his or her back, the eyes should be protected with a blindfold or, for example, the edge of the bedsheet. When the bottom is lying on his or her stomach, he or she should likewise cover the eyes or keep the head in a frontal position, with eyes closed, while the upper area of the back is being flagellated.
Using the horsetail whip with forceful strikes is the most common mistake the inexperienced top makes. Graceful sweeps (much like those that horses make with their tails) suffice. Do not attempt to strike with greater impact with the horsetail whip—the ends of the hairs can break off and become embedded in the bottom’s skin. Removing them one by one, with tweezers, from your now highly sensitized bottom’s skin is tedious and anything but erotic.
The horsetail whip is unique in that there is no area of the body, other than the face and neck, that it cannot tantalize to a warm, tingling glow. If your bottom consents, you can use the horsetail whip to softly stroke the genitals, nipples, and breasts. You may also stroke the area of the waistline, otherwise off-limits during other erotic flagellations, but note that this area of the body does not usually incite an erotic response. The longer horsetail whip is best used to stimulate the back of the body; other lengths are more all-purpose.
Sweet Sensations
Once a warm, tingling glow envelops the bottom’s body, he or she may crave more direct and intense forms of contact. The rhythm of the session can be gradually intensified through the implementation of soft floggers (see plate XV). In contradiction to their menacing appearance, soft floggers are unable to inflict sensations that can be described as seriously painful, even when used to their full potential. Imagine what it would feel like to have one hundred soft, minuscule hands slapping your backside, in rhythmic unison, with all their tiny might, and you have a pretty good idea of the impact that soft floggers make. Were it not for the vicious slapping sound that each strike makes when the soft lashes come into contact with bare skin, professional masseurs would probably adopt soft floggers. The flogger’s skillful use is an excellent alternative to the erotic massage, but its effects are more invigorating.
The softer the flogger, the sweeter the sensations it will provide. Those composed of flat, thin strips of supple leather, rubber, suede, or deer hide of approximately ⅜ inch (1 centimeter) in width provide for deep, invigorating sensations. Floggers made of stiff hide or other rough materials provide extreme sensations and can even break the skin if wielded with force; their use is therefore not in alignment with the philosophy of The Boudoir Bible.
Areas with more muscle mass, like the buttocks, are best suited to experience the sensations that arise from erotic flagellation. The front of the body, excluding the waistline, can be approached, but only with short floggers and in moderation. Drag the flogger sweetly over the “no” zones, and even the entire body from time to time. Though floggers may be used while the bottom is lying down, positions that allow the bottom to brace his or her body and respond more effectively to the deep thud that each stroke will make is best, especially if the tool is going to be used to its full potential.
Some men and women appreciate the effects of their genitals being gently flogged. When the bottom is a man, strokes must be made with light, downward sweeps. Flogging the testicles with upward strokes, no matter how gently, is likely to make him very nervous. But some men very much enjoy the “edge play” of this stimulation. Use instruments that do not lash the skin, and lay it on very lightly. Otherwise the top may inflict one of the greatest pains known to mankind! The same rule applies to the flogging of the female genitals—go gently. If you are not skilled in the use of the flogger, concentrate your attention only upon the backside of your partner’s body.
A Gentler Breed
Unlike the cat-o’-nine-tails (familiar to many from depictions of BDSM flagellation), erotically charged cats are cats of a gentler breed, composed of multiple lashes of supple, non-braided leather, suede, rubber, or cotton. They can inflict pain if used without control, but in the context of the Sexual Ceremony, they are used with restraint and with the aim to gradually charge the body with the sexual vibration. Cats made of cotton are capable of provoking sensations as intense as those made by leather or rubber, so do not be fooled by their seeming flaccidity. Suede cats may be harder to come by, but they are by far the sweetest race of all of the cats. Be aware, however, that if these are used without a degree of restraint, they may leave telltale signs behind, as with any other thin-lashed variety of whip.
When used with moderation, cats raise a radiant glow on the bottom’s skin. The distinct stinging sensations that the cat can evoke will lead to heightened states of sensory arousal. Compare these sensations to those inspired by the instrument called “the birch,” or vihta, of Finland. It is composed of bundles of young, soft, leafy birch branches, with a handle created by tying the ends together with twine. Birches can also be made from the relatively soft branches of other trees, such as cedar or poplar. The vihta is traditionally used in steam saunas to excite a pleasant “smart” that enhances circulation, opens the pores, and helps the body expel toxins. The association of birching with health and hygiene renders the technique probably the most openly accepted form of flagellation, especially in Scandinavian countries, where the steam sauna is essentially a cultural affair. The vihta must not be confused with the birching rod, used for corporal punishment in nineteenth-century England. Unlike the softer, leafy twigs of the vihta, the twigs of the birching rod are stripped of their leaves with the intent to inflict harsh pain and leave enduring and anything but endearing marks.
When trying out the impact of any new cat, novice bottoms may wish to keep their “knickers” on to protect against undue pain. Safe words, the gauge of “good strikes,” and lovers’ checking in with each other frequently are all pertinent to the positive outcome of cat rituals. Refer to the chapter “Honor Each Other: Safety” to review the conditions for the proper use and reception of the instruments of desire.
As with all instruments of erotic flagellation, the dance of the cat demands controlled and concise flicks of the wrist. Cats may be used to sensitize not only the buttocks but also the back of the thighs, the sides of the hips, the upper back, and the muscles that support the spine. The feet may also be whipped, but only very mildly. Cats may also be used to tickle the nipples and the genitals to attention. Don’t forget to drag the fine lashes of the cat over the bottom’s skin from time to time, as a caressing reminder that you care.
Two whips that cannot be used, beyond a purely symbolic purpose, in the temple of erotic loving are the aforementioned cat-o’-nine-tails and its distant cousin, the single-tail bullwhip. When used to their full potential, these whips can be extremely “mean.” The cat-o’-nine tails originally had the specific purpose of punishing human beings. The bullwhip, also called the stock whip, was designed to drive and control livestock—a recalcitrant bull, in particular. The cat-o’-nine tails is constructed of nine finely braided thongs that are each knotted at the striking end. This instrument leaves stripes resembling the claw marks of a tiger and feeling that just as acute, deep, and lasting! The cat-o’-nine tails once served to administer corporal punishment in such institutions as the British royal navy and was called “the captain’s daughter.” Unless you are a bona fide masochist who neither minds being marked nor suffering serious wounds, do not allow the cat-o’-nine tails to come anywhere near your naked skin.
Likewise, the bullwhip cannot be used to its full potential without inflicting serious pain. Though both cat-o’-nine tails and bullwhips may serve as symbols of sexual dominance, within the Sexual Ceremony they are best employed only for their psychological impact, for example, in role-play rituals involving aggression or punishment. Otherwise, they are not recommended beyond a tickle or a visual “tease.”
The skilled top, sadistic or not, like a skilled cowboy, never cracks a bullwhip on the flesh of a human being (or animal, for that matter). The distinct crack of the bullwhip occurs because the tip is moving faster than the speed of sound, creating a sonic boom. It is, in fact, the sound of the whip cracking that controls the cattle, not its cutting edge against their hides.
For tops with an exhibitionistic leaning, learning to master the crack of the bullwhip with the help of a skilled master can be great fun! There are even organized competitions in this skill. But unless you intend to work at the circus, learn to crack stock whips that range in length from 3 to 10 feet (1 to 3 meters). They are easier to control and less likely to “come back” on the trainee. Bullwhips should only be used in wide-open spaces.
All instruments of erotic flagellation must be washed and disinfected regularly. Those made of wood, rubber, cotton, and leather can be cleansed with soap and warm water and swathed with disinfectant wipes. Tools made of wood or leather should not be allowed to absorb water. Those made of wood should be waxed (with chemical-free beeswax only), while those made of leather may best be treated with mink oil or other natural leather conditioner. Polish any applied oils or waxes to a sheen with a soft cloth. Keep wood oiled and leather supple and ready to please.
As you prepare the temple for a ritual that will include erotic flagellation, your selection of whips, cats, crops, or floggers should be set out at hand’s reach. Include other instruments of desire to be used alternately, anticipating softer, more sensual intervals of both genital and extra-genital stimulation. These may be the likes of an ostrich feather tickler, a blindfold, erotic restraints, vibrators, dilettos, and gloves. Finally, come to your temple with a calm, cool, and concentrated mind, prepared to soar!
Lovers who appreciate ritualized erotic flagellation hail its power to test or push their sensory limits and intensify the sense of weightlessness, flying, and floating inherent to lovemaking. Tops who learn to prompt the steady flux of their bottom’s natural love drug will instigate deeply satisfying rituals, and the invigorating effects—which have also been described as sexually exhilarating, physically aligning, and even spiritually enlightening—will endure long after the ceremony ends. When administered ad arte, erotic flagellation induces a lucid, focused, trancelike state of mind in both the provider and the receiver. The harmonious progression of the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony via these radically heightened degrees of sexual satisfaction permits lovers to transcend the confines of physical space and leave the world behind in their own personal Paradise.