Twenty-five years ago the concept of marital preparation and individual premarital counseling was in its infancy. Today it has moved to a level of maturity as church ministers realize their calling is not to perform weddings but to nurture marriages so that they will become fulfilling and permanent and reflect the presence of Jesus Christ.
For too many years it has been too easy to get married. Unfortunately, in many cases the church has contributed to the divorce problem of our nation by promoting easy weddings. People have spent more time preparing to obtain their driver’s license than in preparing for their marriage.
The situation is changing. A growing number of programs are designed to prepare couples for marriage. One with great promise is the Community Marriage Policy. The policy apparently originated in the central California community of Modesto, where church pastors adopted a community-wide marriage policy in 1986 to make it tougher to get married. A covenant was signed by seventy-three ministers representing more than thirty Protestant, Catholic, and Greek Orthodox churches and Modesto’s only Jewish synagogue.
The policy mandated a four-month minimum waiting period before couples could be married. During that time they are required to complete at least two premarital counseling sessions, evaluation testing, biblical teaching on morality, marriage and divorce, and—as needed—marital instruction from “a mature married couple.”
Three key changes were made in Modesto. First, Protestant churches agreed with Catholic churches to have a minimum preparation period for engaged couples of at least four months. Second, they added more counseling. Churches with no requirements began demanding two or three sessions. Others already at that level required six sessions. Third, churches began cooperating across the denominational lines for the first time. When a Baptist church told an engaged couple that they had to stop cohabiting if they wanted to be married there, the couple went across town to another church, which they thought would be more liberal. They found the second church’s marriage instruction required more sessions than the first.
“We have already had three sessions elsewhere,” the couple said. But when the second pastor learned why they had left First Baptist, he informed them. “We also require couples living together to separate. I suggest you separate and go back to First Baptist.” The couple did so, and now undoubtedly they have a much better chance for success in their marriage. Modesto demonstrates that churches can raise their standards for marriage preparation with a uniform community policy.
The policy statement, as used in Modesto, California, is shown below. Each counselor who agrees to the policy signs the covenant in section IV.
Community Marriage Policy
I. CONCERN: “Marriage is holy.”
One concern as ministers of the Gospel is to foster marital unions under God and to establish successful spiritual families. Almost 90% of all marriages are performed by pastors, and we are troubled by the nearly 50% divorce rate. Our hope is to radically reduce the divorce rate among those married in area churches.
It is the responsibility of pastors to set minimal requirements to raise the quality of commitment in those we marry. We believe that couples who seriously participate in premarital testing and counseling will have a better understanding of what the marriage commitment involves. As agents of God, acting on his behalf, we feel it is our responsibility to encourage couples to set aside time for marriage preparation, instead of concentrating only on wedding plans. We acknowledge that a wedding is but a day; a marriage is for a lifetime.
II. SCRIPTURE: “What God hath joined together, let no man put asunder” (Matt. 19:6).
God has established and sanctified marriage for the welfare and happiness of the human family. For this reason, our Savior has declared that a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one. By his apostles he has instructed those who enter into this relationship to cherish a mutual esteem and love; to share in each other’s affirmities and weaknesses; to comfort each other in sickness, trouble and sorrow; to provide for each other and for their household; to pray for and encourage each other; to live together as heirs of the grace of life; and to raise children, if there are any, in the knowledge and love of the Lord. In Malachi 2.13–16 it says that God hates divorce, and in Ephesians 5 the image of marriage is that of Christ and his church.
III. IMPLEMENTATION: These are the minimum expectations:
A. Waiting Period: A minimum of four months from the initial appointment until the wedding date.
B. Premarital Counseling: A minimum of two sessions that would include a relational instrument, inventory or test (e.g., Myers/Briggs or T-JTA) to help the couple evaluate the maturity of their relationship objectively.
C. Scripture: Teach biblical doctrines on morality, marriage and divorce. Encourage them to memorize key verses on marriage.
D. Engagement Seminar: Encourage the couple to participate in a concentrated period of joint introspection.
E. Helping Couples: Provide, as needed, a mature married couple to meet with them to assist in the concept of marital “bonding.”
F. Postmarital: Commit ourselves to counseling the couple as needed.
A. I covenant to build successful spiritual families.
B. I covenant to follow Scripture and to implement these minimum preparations for the couples that I marry to substantially reduce the divorce rate in our area.
C. I covenant to join with other spiritual leaders to encourage couples to seriously participate in premarital preparation.1
The results of this policy are still in process. The number of marriages has remained constant in the Modesto area. In 1988, two years after the community marriage policy was adopted, the number of divorces dropped for the first time. But the numbers went back to previous levels in 1989 and higher in 1990.2 Why? We are not entirely sure at this point. And there has not been enough time for the community marriage policy to have an effect. The average marriage ending in divorce takes seven years. The better bonding of couples married in 1987 to 1990 should be seen during 1994 to 1997.
The development of community marriage policies has been embraced nationally by the news media and other communities. Most major national Christian magazines have written about Modesto’s innovation. Christian Herald reported:
The ministers of Modesto have signed a pact not to perform hurry-up weddings. Whereas individual clergy across the nation have long insisted on a period of preparation with at least some premarital counseling, a couple in a hurry could always go down the road and find a willing pastor. Now the Greater Modesto Ministerial Association has all but shut the door.3
Christianity Today devoted a page to the Community Marriage Policy in its September 8, 1989, issue.4 Charisma & Christian Life headlined its April 1990 story with an important result of the covenant: “Divorce Rate Down in California Town.” The article reported that “statistics gathered by the Modesto Bee suggest the 1986 pact is already having a citywide effect.” In summer 1990, Equipping For Ministry became the fifth national magazine calling attention to the community marriage policy in Modesto, publishing Modesto’s entire text.
Meanwhile, pastors in at least a dozen other cities have transplanted the idea to their own communities. They range from Fresno, California, where 105 pastors have made this commitment, to Beaver, Pennsylvania, with 9 pastors. Fairbanks, Alaska; Kokomo, Indiana; Washington, Pennslvania; and Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio all started a similar policy after news columnist Michael McManus made speeches there urging the step.
The community marriage policy has been refined and improved by some second-generation communities. The pastors in Beaver resisted what they thought was an overly rigid formula by saying the “general standards may be applied faithfully, yet flexibly” and they speak of a “normal minimum of four months” preparation period. They hold one event per year “with attendant community publicity to encourage youth to consider the importance of marriage preparation earlier than the few months before an intended marriage.” They pledge to “communicate in writing and/or in person with couples in the first months and years of their marriage, offering resources of counsel and encouragement.” In Fairbanks, where many weddings involve military personnel stationed there a short time, the minimum preparation period is three months, not four. But instead of requiring a minimum of two counseling sessions, as in Modesto, they ask for at least six counseling sessions, and ask the couple to attend at least one session of post-marital counseling.
The Fairbanks Community Marriage Policy was lavishly praised in an editorial by the Fairbanks News-Miner, appearing March 4, 1990:
The high divorce rate is a troubling phenomenon that creates havoc in the lives of the adults and children who go through it.
Anyone can walk into the state courthouse and get a marriage license in four days…. With such an effective civil system in place, there is no reason for churches to be marriage factories. After all, religious institutions have different responsibilities…. If people want to get married in a church, then it seems appropriate that the churches should do something to increase the chances that those people will stay married. Training and discussion of spiritual principles, morality and marriage are vital if the union is to work.
The key to this policy is that the churches have a way to make people aware of what life is like after the honeymoon…. In the interest of stronger marriages and a reduction in the divorce rate, we hope that more of the 100-plus churches in the Fairbanks and North Pole areas embrace this policy.
Four Illinois cities have expanded the community marriage policy to include marital enrichment. Pastors of thirty-eight churches in Peoria, Quincy, Rock Island, and Moline in fall 1991 signed an enlarged community church policy that insists on premarital counseling and also requires (1) a minimum of two postmarital counseling sessions with a mentor couple, (2) a “marriage ministry” of mentoring couples whose marriages once nearly failed to work with troubled marriages, (3) encouraging all married couples to attend a couples retreat such as Marriage Encounter or Marriage Enrichment, and (4) ratification of the policy by each pastor’s local church board, to assure church-wide support.5 McManus says the new policy is stronger than the original Modesto statement due to its “emphasis on how the church can deepen and refresh existing marriages, and restore those that are breaking.”6
In addition to this program, Rev. Jim Talley of First Baptist in Modesto began many years ago to convince “seriously dating couples” to take “Relationship Instruction” before even talking about engagement. The sessions include the study of Scripture on marriage and divorce, learning communication skills, and signing a “contract” in which the couples agree to remain chaste and to limit their time together to only four hours a week. Of 1,000 people who have taken “Relationship Instruction” for more than fifteen years, half did not marry. But of those who did, only 5 percent divorced.7
At another church in Escondido, California, any couple desiring to be married must contact one of the several ministers of the church. After the initial screening interview with the minister, the couple is then recommended to an eight-week premarital counseling class. At the end of the fourth session of the class the couple resumes their individual counseling of two to six weeks with the pastor. At the conclusion of the counseling and with the approval of the minister, the couple can then put their wedding date on the church calendar. All couples need to begin the counseling and instruction a minimum of six months before their desired wedding date.
The total number of couples who have completed this program over a period of ten years is approximately 400. Of the 400, information is available on approximately 300. The couples had been married between one and ten years and were distributed evenly across the years (about thirty marriages per year). Of the 300 couples, fourteen had divorced—4.66 percent. About 15 percent had chosen not to marry. The rest had married and were married at the time of follow-up.8
We must observe one caution in interpreting these findings. Not all the couples have been married a full ten years, so we must assume additional divorces will occur. If we average out the divorces with the amount of years married, we could anticipate that the divorce rate would not exceed 15 percent. This is still significantly below the national average.
Many churches today have developed extensive ministries for couples seeking to be married. A wide variety of approaches, policies, and resources is in use. Here is a portion of a brochure couples receive at a Midwest evangelical church when planning marriage:
Marriage is a marvelous experience. It is a union which is compared by Christ to that which exists between our Lord and the Church. There is no union more intimate than this. Next to the union we have with Jesus Christ, marriage can be the happiest relationship one can find. This happiness will be built upon a mutual love for Jesus Christ and for each other, giving oneself away unselfishly in loyalty, consideration and service. The blessings of the Lord will be apportioned to you according to the measure in which you follow His will, as revealed in Scripture.
We are interested in being of help to those who are looking to God for His blessings in marriage. Our pastors … desire to meet with you and share with you the true meaning of the marriage relationship.
The following is our policy for the use of any of our facilities for a wedding:
1. The pastor performing the wedding should be contacted first, generally 6 to 12 months before the desired marriage date. Reservations for church facilities will be made through him before the date and time are placed on the church calendar or announced.
2. Normally we expect at least four premarital preparation and enrichment sessions. The couple will be asked to purchase and read books, listen to tapes (loaned) and evaluate themselves and their relationship by the use of certain “tools.” Some sessions may be with another pastor rather than the one who will perform ceremony.9
Here is the letter given to couples seeking counseling at a large Baptist church in Southern California by one of the staff pastors:
Thank you for considering First Baptist Church as the place where you wish to seal your marriage vows. We are honored by your interest, and want to let you know what is involved in preparing for your wedding so you can come to a more informed decision.
The marriage preparation and counseling process at First Baptist Church, which is outlined below, is both intensive and extensive. Considerable time, effort, and commitment will be required of you … which is good training for marriage!
1. Premarital Counseling:
a. Duration: minimum of 6 2- to 3-hour sessions over a 4–5 month period. Special needs/circumstances/problems may require more sessions with the minister or a professional counselor, as the minister deems necessary.
b. Normal schedule of counseling sessions:
1.) “Getting to know you.” Extensive Q & A about individual histories, spiritual backgrounds/status, reasons for marrying, etc. Establishing relationships, explaining requirements. Homework: “Expectations/Relationship Survey” to be completed and brought to next meeting.
2.) More relationship building and exploring of issues; updates on spiritual progress, wedding preparations. Discuss at length “Expectations/Relationship Survey.” Homework: “Family History Analysis,” to be completed and mailed back 2 weeks prior to next meeting.
3.) Evaluate progress and preparations; spend most of the session discussing the “Family History Analysis.” Homework: “Taylor-Johnson Temperament Analysis,” to be completed and mailed back 2 weeks prior to next meeting.
4.) Evaluate progress and preparations; spend most of the session explaining/discussing “TJTA.” No homework!
5.) Preliminary read-through of standard wedding service. Discuss options and essentials. Send copy home for further review Begin to view video series “Before You Say I Do” with video #1, “Communication” (each video is 2 hours long).
6.) Settle final details on wedding service. Go through checklist of things that need to be finished before wedding can take place. View video #2, “Finances”; schedule video #3, “Intimacy.” (Note: this final meeting will be about 1 month prior to wedding. Couples should call back 1 week before the wedding just to “touch base,” so we can make sure all essential preliminaries have been completed.)
c. Cost: Premarital counseling is included in the package price you pay to the church for the wedding. Costs for professional testing/counseling, if required by the minister, must be borne by the engaged couple.
d. Priority of counseling: The importance of premarital counseling cannot be overstated. You will be acquiring knowledge and skills to help you the rest of your lives. Therefore, please assign the meetings your highest priority, and be willing to adjust your regular agenda if necessary to schedule and attend them. (This may involve, for example, taking time off work.) If you must cancel a meeting, please do so at least one day in advance.
2. Marriage Preparation:
a. Approval of wedding: The minister will tentatively inform you by the end of the first counseling session whether he can officiate at your wedding. This will be based on his knowledge at that point. Should he agree to officiate, then later become aware of matters that could have a significant negative impact on your relationship; or if either of you fail to meet the agreed-upon requirements of the marriage preparation/counseling process, the minister may have to rescind his approval.
b. Church attendance: A church wedding is a service of worship to Almighty God. The significance of such a service can best be appreciated by those who regularly participate in church. Therefore, for couples who have no present church relationship, the minister will require attendance at this church’s services of worship for a certain number of weeks before the wedding; and will also want to discuss your religious beliefs.
c. Church relationships: Since we work so closely with the people we marry, and invest so much time and effort in their lives, it is our normal policy to perform weddings only for couples who are involved in the life of our church. If you are active in and committed to another church, and plan to continue that involvement after your marriage, it is recommended that you arrange to have your wedding there. If that church is too small, we recommend using a larger church of the same denomination, or securing the use of a private hall, as we cannot rent our facilities for weddings.
d. Difficult issues: If any of the following is a past or ongoing issue in your lives or relationship, it must be resolved to the minister’s satisfaction before the wedding can take place: couples living together; history of divorce; lack of openness to spiritual counsel; emotional instability, immaturity or incompatibility; substance, spousal, or child abuse; financial mismanagement; history/practice of immorality; Christians marrying non-Christians; and any other matter which the minister considers a significant barrier to a happy, lasting marriage.
If you have any questions concerning any of the above issues, or disagree with any of the stated positions, please mention it to the minister at your first meeting. We are here to understand and help you, not to judge you. If we can agree with you on reasons why any of our standards and requirements should be waived in your case, we will do it.
May God bless you as you continue to prepare for your marriage!10
As noted above under “Difficult Issues,” a minister may choose not to marry a couple. When it comes to a believer and an unbeliever’s seeking marriage, the Scriptures clearly forbid the uniting of such a couple (see 2 Cor. 6:14); this would be the standard for refusing to perform the ceremony.
Nonetheless, many pastors in evangelical churches have stated that they do perform weddings joining believer and unbeliever. Their reasons include pressure from parents who are members, board-member pressure, fear of offending long-standing friends, and doubt that the non-Christian would respond to any proclamation at this time. A pastor may weigh in his mind what his congregation will think about what he does. His feeling of the approval or disapproval of the church figures in his decision. A common, final reason is that if the couple is allowed to marry, the unbeliever may eventually respond to the church and its message through this contact. Too often, though, the opposite occurs: because of the influence of the one, both individuals are lost to the church, and the faith of the believer begins to wane. I discuss the issue of marrying unbelievers further in chapter 6.
At Grace Community Church in Sun Valley, California, about 200 couples are involved in marriage preparation each year. The church uses a combination of group and individual counseling. Each couple will have two to four individual sessions with a contact lay couple. The group classes are held every Sunday afternoon from 12:30 to 5:00. Here is their course content:
| Session | Topic |
| 1 | Understanding yourself Improper reasons for marriage |
| 2 | Purpose of engagement The sufficiency of Christ Expectations How to minister to your spouse |
| 3 | Male/female differences Biblical headship/submission |
| 4 | Dysfunctional communication |
| 5 | Biblical communication |
| 6 | Conflict resolution |
| 7 | Birth control Inlaws |
| 8 | Physical Intimacy |
Each couple is counseled as well, using the results of their weekly homework and the T-JTA. Thirty percent of those counseled choose not to pursue marriage. Of those thirty percent, 85 percent have dated for longer than a year.
In a letter from a staff minister from this church came this comment: “Our premarital ministry here continues to be a great source of blessing as we see God glorified by both the dissolution of some engagements and the lasting marriages of others.”
Elmbrook Church in Brookfield, Wisconsin, also uses group and individual counseling, while requiring four conditions for marriage in the church: (1) attendance at church for at least thirteen weeks prior to signing up for a wedding date, (2) completion of a premarital class, (3) premarital counseling with a pastor, and (4) a signed statement from the pastor stating that he is satisfied that the couple will bring the necessary spiritual commitment to the marriage.
Couples must demonstrate their commitment to the church through attendance for at least three months prior to signing up for a wedding date. Since couples usually are anticipating their wedding dates six months or more after their engagement announcement, this gives the church members contact with the couple for at least nine months.
The premarital class runs for eight consecutive Sunday mornings for one and one-fourth hours each Sunday. Sessions combine large group lecture and small group discussion, with topics ranging from “What Is Love—God’s Way” and “What Is a Christian Marriage?” to “Satisfying Sexuality” and “The Couple’s Devotional Life.” For strong interaction, the small groups usually have a maximum of four couples. These small groups are also required to meet once in the small group leaders’ home for a less formal time of interaction.
The couple is also required to write two book reports. One book is specifically assigned, and the second may be chosen from an approved list. The required book is So You’re Getting Married (Regal Books).
After completing the class, couples meet with their officiating pastor for premarital counseling. Pastors usually spend four one-hour sessions with each couple. Dave Seemuth, director of premarital counseling, reports that many Elmbrook ministers use Premarital Counseling (Moody), and a diagnostic tool, either T-JTA or the PREPARE instrument. A couple does not have a confirmed wedding date until after they have met with the pastor. As Seemuth explains,
That pastor must be satisfied with the spiritual commitment the couple has, their lifestyle, and their previous marriage issues (if necessary). Once the pastor and couple have thoroughly discussed these things to the pastor’s satisfaction, the couple may be married at Elmbrook Church….
Once the couple completes the process and is married, we seek to integrate the couple into the couples ministry. We especially seek to involve them in one of our small groups. In this way we can track their progress. We also run marriage enrichment programs and retreats.11
Dove Christian Fellowship International in Ephrata, Pennsylvania, operates a strong premarital program that includes a counseling couple who work one-to-one with the counselee couple. The trained lay couple lessen the counseling load of the busy pastor; thirty-five couples are trained to give pre- and postmarital counseling in the church of 2,300.
A detailed and extensive workbook/manual is used by both the couple conducting the counseling and the premarital couple. The engaged couple attends six hours of meetings; the lay couples conducting the counseling usually have been through some deep waters in their own marriages and have recovered. Trained by the church staff, the lay couples are supervised by a staff pastor during their first counseling sessions. Half-way through the counseling experience, the engaged couple begins consultations with a staff pastor in regard to their future marriage. Approximately 85 percent of the counseled couples marry.
A couple planning to be married at the Church of the Saviour in Wayne, Pennsylvania, must complete the premarital seminar and present a certificate of successful completion to the pastor performing the marriage ceremony. The pastors and elders view this as a practical demonstration of their commitment to establish a sound marriage. After the premarital seminar, the couple attends at least five counseling sessions (one after the wedding) with the seminar staff. In addition, each couple is matched with counselors, usually a couple, best suited for them.
If either person has been previously married, he or she must submit the form “Information From The Previously Married,” which is reviewed and approved by the counselor and the elder supervising the seminar. In addition, both persons must complete a “Fresh Start” seminar—a four-week Bible study—prior to attending the premarital seminar, or, in any event, prior to the wedding.
The premarital seminar consists of ten classroom sessions covering (1) the biblical view of marriage, (2) the biblical roles of husband and wife, (3) building up one another, (4) communications in marriage, (5) financial stability, (6) preparing for parenting, (7) sexual anatomy and response, and (8) growing in the Lord together.
At Church of the Saviour, each couple must supply background information and take a Taylor-Johnson Temperament Analysis prior to the beginning of classes. Each couple receives a notebook to hold homework, information, and notes, and they must read So You’re Getting Married and listen to an album of tapes. Graduates advise that couples complete the seminar at least two months before the wedding.
Whatever program of premarital counseling you use, good counseling is a ministry, helping couples move toward marriages that honor God and one another—and in some cases to postpone or avoid marriage altogether. Recently a young pastor from a small church completed one of my training seminars in premarital counseling and began to implement premarital counseling in his own church. In a letter, he wrote about his experience:
What a revolution! Little did I know that this church has had a long reputation of marrying anybody. The current pastor had been concerned about the situation since his coming two years ago, but didn’t know what to do to change it. I began as associate pastor four months ago, shortly after taking your pre-marital course at Grace Graduate School.
We are a small community of about 2,000 and have about 200 in services Sunday morning. The policy has been handed out to six couples in four months. Attached is a copy of the policy which I proposed and which was accepted by our church board. Of the six who have received the policy, two went elsewhere to be married, one began and quit after one session (he left town when she couldn’t think of one reason why she should marry him), two couples we haven’t heard from again, and one couple just has the fifth session to complete. Obviously they are the ones I counseled for the assignment for your class.
People are beginning to realize that our church takes marrying seriously They’re seeing that we’re not as concerned with pretty weddings as with establishing solid homes where God is honored and people are growing in love. We’ve seen the results of the former lack of policy, and it is high time for this change. The mother of the girl whose fiance left town approached me and said, “Thanks for not just marrying them. You saved Mary and us a lot of heartache.” I could go on, but just let me say thanks. The premarital program is a giant leap in a positive direction.
In thousands of churches throughout the Western Hemisphere, marriage is being taken seriously. Those of us involved in the ministry of the local church have the greatest opportunity of any group to minister to couples. Eighty percent of couples are married in religious ceremonies. Even those couples who give little thought to the church at any other time want to be married in a church.
In my experience, the most effective style of premarital counseling is the individual approach in which you meet with the couple. Group premarital is a supplement to the individual approach but it is only about 30 percent as effective by itself. I recommend both approaches, but if you have to make a choice, meet with each couple on their own.
If possible, use both approaches together. A well-developed model of this combined approach is found at Emmanuel Faith Community Church in Escondido, California. The material this church uses for the group sessions is available in a teacher’s manual including the content handouts and transparency patterns. It is called “The Integrated Approach to Premarital Counseling.” For information, contact Mr. Dave Ferreira at 127 E. 3d Ave., Suite 201, Escondido, CA 92025.
Some people believe that little change can be accomplished with a couple in their engaged state and thus the counseling should occur during the initial year of marriage. We have not found this to be true. Thousands of ministers and counselors are making an impact on couples through their premarital ministry. Couples need their assistance in advance of, not after, potentially devastating disruptions. Since a significant number of couples have made a decision not to marry through their premarital counseling experience, that in itself has an effect upon the divorce rate. During a year-and-a-half period, I conducted the premarital sessions for twenty-eight couples. Fourteen were married, and the other fourteen decided not to marry.
A study of five primary PREPARE categories (conducted by David Olson, the developer of PREPARE, and Blaine Flowers) found that couples who decided not to marry most highly resembled couples who divorced. What the counselor learns prior to marriage should be applied then; waiting until after the marriage to give assistance is courting disaster.
Couples will change in their attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, and skills. We have seen this occur for more than twenty years. What will bring about this change? Three factors. The first is the ability, knowledge, and skill the counselor brings to the sessions. Who you are and the manner in which you carefully and sensitively orchestrate the sessions will be vital. Your own marriage (if you are married) needs to be strong since each couple will have the freedom to ask about your own marriage.
A second factor is a commitment to creating some unrest or dissonance in the counselees. Premarital is different from other counseling approaches. How? I would like to see the couple leave my office a bit troubled or concerned, pondering the weight of this step they are about to take. I want them to leave at times with questions and concerns rather than with everything tied up in a neat package. When they return and show that they spent hours in deep discussion and application of what they were struggling with in the last session, I feel the counseling is going well. In a sense, the counselor should create a sense of crisis in a positive way with each couple. This brings about the ideal conditions for growth. It can be accomplished in the individual approach but is quite difficult to accomplish in the group process.
The third element is our own reliance upon our Lord Jesus Christ to guide our thoughts and words in each counseling encounter. Inviting the Holy Spirit to be present as our own guide is essential.
1. The policy was written by journalist Michael J. McManus. Used by permission of Michael J. McManus, 9500 Michael’s Court, Bethesda, MD 20817.
2. Michael J. McManus, “Ethics and Religion.” The Modesto Bee, October 5, 1985.
3. “No More Quickie Weddings,” Christian Herald, June 1987, p. 23.
4. Jeffrey Williams, “Churches Unite, Take a Stand to Prevent Divorce,” Christianity Today, September 8, 1989, p. 65.
5. For a copy of the Peoria Community Marriage Policy, write Michael J. McManus at the Bethesda, Maryland, address shown in endnote 1.
6. Michael McManus, personal correspondence, October 31, 1991.
7. Telephone interview with Jim Talley, January, 1990. The survey spans couples receiving counseling during the fifteen years ending in 1989.
8. Letter from Dave Ferriera, marriage, family, and child counselor; Emmanuel Faith Community Church, Escondido, California, n.d.
9. Premarital and wedding preparations by an evangelical Protestant church.
10. Steven Mitchell, “Normal Standards and Requirements for Premarital Counseling and Marriage Preparation”; letter to couples, First Baptist Church, Downey, California. Used by permission.
11. Letter from Dave Seemuth; Elmbrook Church, Brookfield, Wisconsin, n.d.