Always keep the end in mind.
Don’t blow your brains too soon.
Premature enunciation leads to stress
for the foetus in the womb.
Mend their ways. Part what you see.
Remember: what some people call a marriage bed
some people call a tomb.
Potato potato. Pronounce scone as scone.
Pronounce grass as grass. Bastard is
as bastard does. Keep your mind
on a short leash. Don’t let it eat from
the table. If it barks at you,
bark back. Lock it in a room.
If it needs to relieve itself, never put paper down.
Soon enough it’ll be line-broken.
Pick up after it. Be prepared to eat shit
sandwiches. That picnic
will be no picnic. Sew someone else’s name
in your pants. Make sure your friends are freedom-
range. Beware your uniform:
do not let it beware you. Drop twenty
and give yourself twenty.
Forget how many necks these woods have grown.
Only loot what you can’t afford. Don’t touch
yourself. Don’t let your moods
get in a room together. Chew the fat
ones, then spit them out.
Drink sake for the sake
of a joke. Give your children only middle names.
If you remember nothing, you’ve had a good time.
If you pick at that thread
you’ll be caught with your pants down.
By the time you’re done, home will be the place where,
when you have to go there,
they have to report you to the relevant authorities.
OLI HAZZARD