On sales or sermons at my door,

Contributions from the floor,

          Screaming things.

Wondering where the good times went,

Complaining to this Government,

         Reciting ‘Kings’.

Telling fibs to Sherlock Holmes,

Games of tag with garden gnomes,

         Soliloquies.

Knock-knock jokes on a Croatian,

Great ideas for situation

         Comedies.

Asking her to reconsider

Leaving, trying to kid a kidder,

         Roundelays.

Entering for field events,

Just causes or impediments

         On wedding days.

Begging rides in backs of hearses,

Happy Birthday’s other verses,

         Asking twice.

Musing on your point-blank misses,

Moaning ‘This is hell’ or ‘This is

         Paradise.’

Offering a monk your ticket,

Using metaphors from cricket

         When in Texas.

Telephoning during finals,

Remonstrating in urinals

         With your Exes.

Phrases like ‘Here’s what I think’,

Giving up girls/smoking/drink

         At New Year.

Asserting that all men are equal,

Settling down to write a sequel

         To King Lear.

Revisions to The Odyssey,

Improvements on Psalm 23

         Or hazel eyes.

Glueing back the arms on Venus,

Any other rhyme than ‘penis’,

         The Turner Prize.

Interrogating diplomats,

Defining Liberal Democrats,

         Begging to banks.

Supporting Malta’s football team,

Translating King’s ‘I have a dream’

         Into the Manx.

Reading verse to lesser mammals,

Tailing cats or humping camels,

         Hectoring sheep.

Pleading with a traffic warden,

Writing things that sound like Auden

         In his sleep.

Don’t waste your breath on rage, regret

Or ridicule; don’t force or fret,

         Breathe easily.

Remember: every starlit suck

Is seven trillion parts good luck

         To one part me.

GLYN MAXWELL