Fair fa’ the nation’s favourite dish
fulfilling everybody’s wish,
great chieftain, O so very Scottish,
the spice o life;
ye came, and conquered the English,
tae cure the strife.
A myth of Glasgow’s Shish Mahal
during Thatcher’s iron rule,
your origins stretch to the Mughals
but when they tried
the chicken tikka the locals
found it too dry.
The chef wad think tae open up
a can o’ Campbell’s tomato soup,
add chilli, then colour with pap-
-rika for zest;
and then, O what a glorious sup,
simply the best.
As Scots we want the hottest thing
on the menu, a dish with zing:
haggis disnae mak us sing
we’re globalised;
it’s the mince an tatties o Tony Singh
brings tears tae eyes.
Noo we export tae India
oor national dish, making it clear
that Scotland is a warld leader
in aa the airts;
fir chicken tikka masala
ye’ve won oor hairts.
Lord Ganesha, tae please the Scots
remember whit they want is lots
o sauce and spices, very hot,
but dinnae worry;
Ah’ve got the answer in ma pot –
gie them a curry.
IRFAN MERCHANT