Chapter 27

KILLING FOR A GOOD CAUSE

Saturday night, Uncle Frankie and I do an appearance for a literacy charity on Long Island called Books of Hope.

The event is held in a huge hotel ballroom. One thousand people pay a ton of money to hear me tell a few jokes and to watch Uncle Frankie twirl his yo-yo. All the money will be used to buy books for kids who otherwise wouldn’t have anything to read except Happy Meal boxes at McDonald’s.

Uncle Frankie warms everybody up with an impressive display of tricks including a Pop ’n’ Fresh, a couple of Boingy Boings, and his big finish, the Man on the Flying Trapeze. That one starts on his left, loops around, and lands on his right. And he does it blindfolded. He flings a double Lindy Loop when he takes his bows.

Then it’s my turn.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” booms a big voice from the ceiling speakers. He sounds a lot like the guy who announces the WWF wrestlers on TV. “Please put your hands together for the Planet’s Funniest Kid Comic, Long Island’s own, soon to be the star of his own sitcom on BNC-TV, the one and only Jay-meeeeee Griiiiiiiimmmmmmmm!”

I’ve never heard anyone take so long to say my name.

I roll up a ramp to the stage and tell a bunch of the jokes I’m famous for. I slay ’em.

Since I’m killing it big-time and the audience is totally with me, I try out a new joke about battling bullies that I’m hoping I can sneak into the script for the TV pilot.

“A boy I know was being picked on by a bully at school,” I say, gripping the microphone with both hands. “So his father hired a boxing coach to help the kid out. Two weeks later, he knocked out the bully with one punch. The father and son just sat on their bench and laughed.”

The audience is howling.