Contents

1. COVER
2. TITLE PAGE
3. WELCOME
4. PART ONE: The End?
   1. Chapter 1: TV OR NOT TV?
   2. Chapter 2: LAUGHING MY BUTT OFF
   3. Chapter 3: MY BULLY-PROOF VEST
   4. Chapter 4: DOWN AT THE DINER
   5. Chapter 5: CREAKY COMEDY?
   6. Chapter 6: DOWN IN FROWN TOWN
   7. Chapter 7: RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD
   8. Chapter 8: HOLLYWOOD CALLING. AGAIN.
   9. Chapter 9: FUNNY BUSINESS AS USUAL
   10. Chapter 10: HOLLYWOOD INVADES MY MIDDLE SCHOOL
   11. Chapter 11: SIGN ON THE DOTTED LINE
   12. Chapter 12: CHOKING ON THE DOTTED LINE
   13. Chapter 13: ANYBODY GOT A MILLION BUCKS I CAN BORROW?
   14. Chapter 14: LIGHTS! CAMERA! GILDA!
   15. Chapter 15: SMILEYVILLE TURNS INTO TINSELTOWN
   16. Chapter 16: TAKE A WALK (OR ROLL) ON THE BOARDWALK
   17. Chapter 17: WHO WANTED TO BE A MILLIONAIRE?
   18. Chapter 18: SIGNED, SEALED, DELIVERED
   19. Chapter 19: WRITE OR WRONG?
   20. Chapter 20: SCHOOL DAYS (IN THIRTY MINUTES OR LESS)
   21. Chapter 21: MEETING MY FAKE BFF
   22. Chapter 22: JILLDA IS NO GILDA
   23. Chapter 23: BACK TO SCHOOL
   24. Chapter 24: WHEN WRITE BECOMES WRONG
   25. Chapter 25: BULLY FOR ME
   26. Chapter 26: ME AND MY FUNNY FRIENDS
   27. Chapter 27: KILLING FOR A GOOD CAUSE
   28. Chapter 28: WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
   29. Chapter 29: MY INCREDIBLE SHRINKING FRIENDS
   30. Chapter 30: PUTTING IT ON ITS FEET (THE SCRIPT, NOT ME)
   31. Chapter 31: THE PERKS OF BEING A TV STAR
   32. Chapter 32: LAUGHING TILL IT HURTS
   33. Chapter 33: PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT… AND PERSPIRATION
   34. Chapter 34: MY FANS ROLL IN!
   35. Chapter 35: YES, I’M A GUY AND I WEAR MAKEUP
   36. Chapter 36: HELLO? WHO AM I?
5. PART TWO: All That Glitters
   1. Chapter 37: THE SECOND-WORST DAY OF MY LIFE
   2. Chapter 38: FRIDAY NIGHT DEAD
   3. Chapter 39: SAYING HI-HI TO HA-HA
   4. Chapter 40: LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT’S ME!
   5. Chapter 41: DOING A DOUBLE TAKE
   6. Chapter 42: GOING VIRAL CAN MAKE YOU SICK
   7. Chapter 43: THE LONG RIDE TO NOWHERESVILLE
   8. Chapter 44: HURRY UP AND WAIT
   9. Chapter 45: I’VE NEVER LIKED ME LESS
   10. Chapter 46: WORLD’S WORST FRIEND? ME
   11. Chapter 47: IT’S ALWAYS DARKEST BEFORE IT GETS DARKER
   12. Chapter 48: GOOD NEWS/BAD NEWS
   13. Chapter 49: SHHH! IT’S A LIBRARY!
   14. Chapter 50: TIME FLIES WHEN YOU’RE HAVING FUN
   15. Chapter 51: ON A ROLL
   16. Chapter 52: BUH-BYE, BRAD
   17. Chapter 53: GILDA IN CHARGE
   18. Chapter 54: ALL MY SHIRTS ARE SWEATSHIRTS
   19. Chapter 55: CAUTION: CHILDREN AT PLAY
   20. Chapter 56: MAKE ROOM FOR ZOMBIES!
   21. Chapter 57: GO TIME FOR SHOWTIME!
   22. Chapter 58: BULLY STAMPEDE
   23. Chapter 59: IF YOU’RE TALKING, YOU’RE NOT CHOKING
   24. Chapter 60: SO FAR, SO GOOD!
   25. Chapter 61: UNLESS I’M MISTAKEN, THERE ARE NO MISTAKES
   26. Chapter 62: BUYING TIME
6. EPILOGUE: SIGNING ON THE DOTTED LINES
7. ABOUT THE AUTHORS
8. BOOKS BY JAMES PATTERSON FOR YOUNG READERS
9. A SNEAK PEEK AT JACKY HA-HA
10. COPYRIGHT