Chapter 56

MAKE ROOM FOR ZOMBIES!

The clock is ticking.

We have time for one last rehearsal before they start letting the studio audience take their seats.

“Let’s run the zombie bit,” says Gilda. “Where’s my space lizard?”

“Greetings, earthling,” says Charlie Garner, the other SNL cast member, who’ll be making a surprise appearance on my show. He’s costumed just like he was on Saturday night.

“We save you for last,” says Gilda.

“You got it, bubelah,” says Garner, who’s already in character.

“You sure you don’t want me in this scene?” shouts Donna Dinkle from her perch in the cafeteria set. “I could make funny faces and pretend like the zombies are grossing me out. I do a great ‘gag me now’ gesture.”

“We’re better off saving you for the cafeteria scene,” Gilda tells her. “We need to meet a fresh face in the second act.”

“Because my face will have fallen off by then,” cracks Jacky, who’s in flesh-melting zombie makeup.

Every time we rehearse the scene, Jacky and her zombie friends ad-lib something even funnier than the last time we did it. I just sit there, pretending to work my arms as I fake-roll down the green screen “street,” and let the gags fly. I have a couple, too.

“So, did you hear about the new zombie dating book?” I say to Jacky Hart.

She shakes her head, and her rubber nose flies off. “Sorry. Runny nose. What’s the zombie dating book called?”

“Dying to Meet You!”

“Oh. That’s a real knee-slapper. Wait, where’s my knee? Did I slap it off?”

I point toward the floor. “It’s in your shoe.”

None of that was in the script. But it might be in the show! Because the crew is cracking up.

All of a sudden, I can’t wait for it to be eight.