Chapter 31

THE PERKS OF BEING A TV STAR

Things are going so well, we wrap early.

And for the first time since Mr. Amodio landed his helicopter on the middle school ball field, I’m feeling good about the show. Maybe my dream really can come true. And if this one can, so can all my others. Except the one about the unicorn that brings me chocolate-covered marshmallows. That’s probably still a long shot.

It’s great to be a big-time TV star when I arrive home in Long Beach and bump into the real Lars Johannsen. The blond giant is so wide, he blocks the whole sidewalk. He kind of reminds me of Thor, but without the hammer.

“I hear you’re making fun of me on your TV show.”

“Not you,” I say. “Lars from Mars.”

“I’m not from Mars. I told you, I’m from Minnesota.”

While I’m boldly cracking wise, Lars makes low, rumbling grrrrr noises. He sounds like a German shepherd right before it locks its jaws around your leg and sinks in its teeth.

It doesn’t scare me. I keep going. Lars keeps growling.

“The TV people are paying me to act like a fool. What’s your excuse?”

I can tell Lars is thinking about the best way to rip my head off.

“You’re kind of blocking the way,” I say. “And I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with someone who doesn’t have any weapons.” I give him a little “shoo” wave.

He steps aside. I roll on by, grinning.

Like I said earlier, comedy is one surefire way to beat a bully.

Another is to have two beefy bodyguards assigned to your personal security detail while you’re working on a TV pilot for Joe Amodio.