Chapter 55

CAUTION: CHILDREN AT PLAY

I wheel myself out to the set as fast as I can. Donna Dinkle is smirking as I fly by.

“I always said TV was run by a bunch of children, but this is ridiculous!” Mr. Amodio is shouting. Rose Skye Wilder winces and moves away from earsplitting range.

“She’s doing a fantastic job, Joe,” says Mr. Wetmore, leaping to Gilda’s defense. “The fact that she’s young just makes her that much more of a genius.”

“Yeah,” I say, sticking up for my friend. “What he said. Gilda’s a genius.”

Gilda blushes. “You really think so, Jamie?”

“Of course I do.”

“B-b-but…” Mr. Amodio is sputtering. “My money… my millions…”

“My money is on the two kids,” says Jacky Hart, coming onstage with a fake zombie arm dangling out of her shirt.

“What happened to your arm?”

She shrugs. “Fell off. And pretty soon, I won’t have a leg to stand on.”

“Welcome to the club,” I crack.

“Joe, I’m Jacky Hart.”

“I know who you are, Ms. Hart. I love you on SNL! And you’re absolutely fantastic in that movie Cracking Up. I’m hearing Oscar buzz.”

“Maybe you should see an ear doctor about that.”

Mr. Amodio has stopped sputtering and is finally smiling.

“You know, Joe,” Jacky says, “I took on a lot when I was Gilda’s age. Someday I’ll write a book about it.”

“She’s just a kid.”

“And she’s the best director you’ve got, not to mention the only one. Now, we have a show to prep.”

“We sure do!” Mr. Amodio claps Gilda on the back and starts making a little speech to the cast and crew. “Welcome aboard, kiddo. I am so proud to be associated with Jamie Funnie. With Gilda here at the helm and Jamie in the starring role, not to mention all the other kids in the cast, this show is going to make TV history. Either that or tank. I’m hoping for history. How about you guys?”

Everyone cheers and gives Mr. Amodio’s pep talk a rousing ovation.

Except Donna Dinkle.

She’s kind of lurking off to the side, flapping her arms like they’re stubby wings, and making “gobble-gobble” turkey sounds that no one hears but me.

Oh, yeah. She’s definitely looking for this show to tank. Big-time.