As the final step to get a Green Card, either the immigrant or both halves of the couple will have an interview with a consular or USCIS officer. The immigrant’s application will be reviewed, and both parties will be asked questions to test the validity of the marriage. It may be pragmatic to anticipate and practice common questions beforehand.
| OFFICIAL ANSWERS | THE REAL ANSWERS |
| Where and how did you meet? | |
TOPHER: We met through my longtime friend Andrea. Beatriz was her daughter’s teacher at this rock ’n’ roll camp for girls, and one night we all went out for pizza. Something just clicked. I thought, There’s no woman I’d rather spend the rest of my life with. BEATRIZ: That’s good. T: Thanks. B: For me, it was like . . . Topher was talking about this documentary class he was teaching at PCC, and he was very well dressed and smart, and I thought, I want to take that class. And I felt this jolt in my body. Like two magnets slamming together. I thought, I could talk to this guy forever and never get bored. So that’s how it started. |
ANDREA: That first time I laid eyes on her, I practically jumped. I was like, Who is that? Because after a while you’ve seen every queer in Portland a million times, even me, who doesn’t get out a lot, and here was this beautiful person who was obviously from somewhere else—you could just tell by the way she dressed, it was a slightly different translation of queer andro punk whatever. And the way Lucia looked at her—that was new too. I also saw the way she never stopped moving. When the other counselors sprawled exhausted in the metal folding chairs at the end of the day, she was still in the thick of the crowd, checking in with the kids, picking up stray cables and drumsticks. She had such purpose. This energy. B: Andrea was, like, warm yet guarded at the same time, and it made me so curious. And I wanted to know who’d raised this kid who was so calm and fearless. Luz is only nine but she’s so cool, how do you do that? What I said about Topher, that’s actually what I felt about Andrea. |
| Where did you go on dates? | |
B: I took him to this Brazilian dance night at a place on Southeast MLK. I would not have guessed that a skinny white thing like him could shake his booty like that. T: It’s my thing. B: You better not sound so gay when you say that. T: Noted. Our other dates . . . we liked to go out for sushi? Especially the places with the conveyor belts and trains of sushi. And sometimes we went to Sassy’s, where our friend Summer dances? But not when she was dancing, that’s—for me— B: —I might get jealous if we were watching our friend. T: Right. Beatriz gets jealous sometimes. B: Now we just cuddle on the couch and watch movies. T: So many movies. |
A: The first time was at the rock camp showcase at the Bagdad Theater. Lucia’s first band, Taco Night, played their glorious, arrhythmic debut/swan song performance, and I went backstage to find Beatriz and thank her. I was sure she’d be going out with all the other camp people afterward. B: No way. After that week, all I wanted was a quiet drink in a dark place. I asked Andrea if she wanted to get one and she invited me over. A: Lucia was in bed by eight. Beatriz was in mine by nine. B: Why delay the inevitable? A: But we had real dates too. When Luz was staying over at Sydney’s, we would go to shows or parties. Or out with our friends. B: Karaoke at the Alibi or Chopsticks. A: Once we drank a whole bottle of wine at that place on Alberta. B: And when we got home we took those pictures with your phone— A: Oh god. I deleted all of them the next morning. I can’t even think about them. B: Remember the one with the tie— A: Hush now. |
| How many people attended your wedding? | |
T: About thirty? We kept it kind of small. Just close friends. And my mom. B: My parents couldn’t afford to come all the way from Brazil, so we’re saving up to go there this winter. We sent them lots of pictures, though. |
A: I never wanted a wedding, but I have to admit that once theirs was all under way I kind of wished it were mine. B: Aw, baby. A: Don’t tell. |
| How do your parents feel about your choice of spouse? | |
T: My mom loves her. B: His mom is super cool. My parents are very excited that I met Topher and that we are married. But they’re a little sad that I am so far from home. They were like, Why not bring him to Brazil? Our recession just ended and up there it’s so bad. But I love the USA. T: Way to drive it home, B. |
A: I would say they’re dealing. They’re a little awkward about it. They’ve only met her once. She killed them with kindness. B: That’s right. A: Beatriz amps it up with them and comes across as so happy you can’t be upset with her. B: I am pretty sure my parents always knew I was gay, even though we never talked about any kind of dating ever for me. They know I’m living with Andrea and Lucia and that we do everything together. When I told them about Topher, they were stunned. But they warmed right up. A: Ugh. Let’s go on to the next question. |
| Do you use contraception? If so, what form? | |
T: Condoms? B: No, let’s say “nothing.” It’ll seem even more real, right? T: Plus, it’s true. |
A: They asked me this at just about every prenatal checkup I had, and after Lucia was born. Finally I said “homosexuality.” B: I bet that shut them up. A: It bought me a few seconds of silence. |
| How did he propose? | |
B: Actually, I proposed. T: Ooh, I like that. |
A: Wasn’t it Topher’s idea? B: I thought it was Lawrence’s idea. A: Anyway, I’d slumped into a terrible depression at the thought of B leaving, and then someone brought it up, and Topher volunteered. Maybe it was a joke at first. But we all thought it was brilliant. None of us realized quite how complex it would be. B: No, all you knew was what you remembered from the movie Green Card. A: We didn’t know it would take so long. B: That’s okay. I’m not going anywhere. |
| What did you get each other for your last birthday? | |
B: Well, I got him a bottle of good bourbon and a book of Martin Parr photography. T: How did you know that? She really knows me. B: It’s on the shelf there. T: I got her . . . some guitar stuff? B: He got me a Big Muff. T: A what? B: It’s a fuzzbox. A pedal. T: Okay, yes. I gave her a Big Muff. You are really cracking yourself up with this one, aren’t you? |
B: She got me a bike from Citybikes, an eighties ten-speed all fixed up. And lights. A: She built me this beautiful simple dining table with a reclaimed fir top. It is the nicest piece of furniture I’ve ever owned. The kind of table you keep for the rest of your life. |
| Who sleeps on which side of the bed? | |
T: In real life, I sleep on the right. B: I do too. One of us should switch so we don’t have to worry about getting it wrong. T: Good call. Oh my god, this could have sunk us. B: I think I should move in with you for like a week. T: We need to study. |
B: You have no side. You take it all. A: I thought I just stole all the covers. B: No, you get the mattress too. I hover on the edge. A: But I’m only, like, five-two. How much space could I really take? B: That question is, like, your personal challenge to yourself every night. LUCIA: What are you doing? A: Luz! We thought you were asleep. L: I couldn’t. You guys are being loud. B: Oh, it’s not that you were secretly reading with your flashlight after bedtime? L: Um . . . A: She has a flashlight in there? B: I saw it under the bed. A: You are so busted, Luz. B: Problem child. A: Actually I used to do that too. L: See? You should just let me read with the light on until I fall asleep. B: You guys are sneaky. L: What are you reading? B: The questions that Topher and I were practicing earlier at his house. Now your mom and I are just answering them for fun. L: Read one to me. A: Okay. |
| How do you feel about having children? | |
T: Didn’t we kind of answer that with the condom question? B: Let’s say we want to have two kids. No, four kids! Four new consumers to boost the American economy. T: Let’s go with two, honey. B: Two boys and two girls! T: I think we should wrap this up. You’re getting punchy. B: I am going to be the best resident alien they have ever interviewed. |
B: I always wanted to have kids, you know. L: You did? B: Yeah. I just didn’t know how it would happen. L: Do you wish you had more of them? A: Good question. Do you? B: There would be no point in trying to get more kids because you are my favorite kid ever, and you always will be. It wouldn’t be fair. A: Good answer. L: I think so too. |