playing attention
games, play, and creative mindfulness
You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.
Widely attributed to PLATO
For kids, play is a vital part of mental, social, and emotional development. We have the Internet for information and computers for some calculations, but in the future we will need people who can creatively solve problems, think critically, and lead with compassion. Play teaches kids all these skills, and so much more. It builds fine and gross motor skills as well as social skills, by encouraging cooperation, compromise, and compassion. Both free play and structured play cultivate perspective, build patience, and develop emotional intelligence. In therapy, play helps children, both verbal and nonverbal, process difficult relationships and experiences rather than act out because of them. Watching our children at play tells us much about how they perceive and interact with their world.
The structured play of games has long been a regular part of childhood. Childhood games reflect the values we teach our children and how we prepare them for the world. I noticed a number of years ago that kids from different backgrounds play different games, or they play the same games but with different rules. The differences prepared them for the different worlds they would grow into. In the inner city, both the card game Uno and the sport of basketball were played with high stakes and unpredictable, winner-take-all rules; it was also harder to get into a game and know where you stood when playing than when you were playing the same game in the suburbs, where the rules were consistent and clear. The differences starkly mirrored the kids’ worlds and their futures. I noted that cooperation was emphasized in certain groups and competition was emphasized in others.
When I was growing up, we played games, in and out of school, that reinforced values like careful listening, impulse control, and executive functioning. And no, they weren’t special games at all. Just think back to Freeze Tag, Simon Says, and Mother May I; these and similar games are actually lessons and practice. Other games, such as I Spy or Twenty Questions, teach inductive reasoning. Consider for a moment: What do today’s games teach kids? And are kids able to learn the lessons these games teach when they have smaller amounts of free time in which to play them?
The games our kids play—video games, physical games, board and card games—are practice for real life. They are where kids begin to internalize values they will carry into adulthood. When we bring mindfulness and compassion into games, we teach kids mindfulness and compassion. Whether they realize it or not, we have planted the seeds that will enable them to grow into mindful and compassionate adults.
Adapting Existing Games to Bring in Mindfulness
With simple adaptations, many games can incorporate elements of mindfulness. For example, a colleague of mine adapted Candyland to teach emotional awareness. (Anything that makes Candyland more interesting is a good thing, because, as far as I’m concerned, it was created to torture adults with boredom.) She created a set of rules in which red cards were equated with anger. When a kid drew a red card, they were invited to describe a time they were mad, or what anger feels like, or what makes them mad, or what they can do when they are mad to deal with the emotion. Likewise, blue cards denoted sadness, and yellow cards happiness. The colors matter less than the general idea. I’ve used the same adapted rules and added that orange cards ask you to take one mindful breath, purple cards ask you to notice one sensation in your body, and green cards ask you to notice one sound.
Some therapists write questions on the sides of Jenga blocks, and invite kids to answer the question when the block is removed. Breathing and mindfulness practices could just as easily be written on the blocks. Practices can be written on the backs of cards, for games like Concentration and Memory. A bingo card could be made with twenty-four short practices on it. Checkers could have color-coded stickers that denote a short practice to be done when a piece is captured.
A game might start with a mindful breathing practice, such as the 7–11 Breath or Soup Breathing (chapter 11). Pausing to take a mindful breath before rolling the dice or taking a turn works with children of any age. We can slow down and talk through all possibilities for a move in a game, revealing the many choices we have at any moment. Doubtless you and your creative child collaborators will think of countless more adaptations for games that already exist.
Mindfulness Games
We can make existing games mindful, and we can also make mindfulness practice into something of a game. Here are two examples.
DR. DISTRACTO
My colleague and friend Mitch Abblett has kids practice mindfulness at the therapeutic school he directs. He uses this mindfulness game with groups of six- to eleven-year-old kids. All the kids practice a mindfulness task, while one gets to be Dr. Distracto. The doctor’s job is to do a silly (but appropriate) behavior to distract the group from their mindfulness practice. The last kid to move or smile at the distraction gets to be Dr. Distracto for the next round.
FIND THE SONG
Author Deborah Plummer offers a game in which she hides a ticking clock or wireless speaker and asks kids to find it based on where the sound is coming from. Kids can close their eyes, listen carefully, and then point in the direction the song is coming from.
SMILE MEDITATION
There’s a saying, usually attributed to Thich Nhat Hanh, that goes, “Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” This practice, which I learned from my friend Janet Surrey, works best when kids are seated in a circle, or at least not in rows.
Close your eyes or just relax them and let them rest on the floor in front of you.
Invite a smile to your lips. Notice what the sensations of the smile feel like. Also notice what your emotions are when you smile.
Now continue to smile while you open or raise your eyes and simply look around the room. Share a smile and eye contact with anyone you see, noticing what emotions come up as you do.
Once you’ve smiled at everyone in the room, lower your eyes, and take a moment to smile to yourself.
(Allow twenty seconds or more, depending on the size of the group, then ring the bell to signal the end of the session and open a discussion.)
You can have kids do this practice while walking around a small space. In this adaptation, omit the direction to have them close their eyes. Another variation is to have the group send smiles to one person at a time in a “smile wave,” as the smiles move around a circle.
If there are only two of you, you can just smile at each other for a few breaths, then lower your eyes again.
PASS THE BREATH
A great prop for sharing mindful breathing with young kids is a Hoberman sphere—an expanding ball toy. This practice, from my friend Fiona Jensen, incorporates a Hoberman sphere as a visual and kinetic aid. In general, this practice works best with the group positioned in a circle, sitting or standing.
You, the adult, will be the starting person. Hold the sphere in your hands, in its smallest, most compact position. Expand the sphere at the pace of your slow and mindful in-breath, and on the exhale contract the sphere again. Have everyone in the group breathe along with you. Then pass the sphere to the next person in the group and repeat.
With a group of six kids, you will have opened the ball with six mindful breaths (seven, if you participated too); in a classroom of twenty, with twenty mindful breaths. The practice cultivates group cohesion, as everyone aligns their breath. If it’s just two of you, or you can pair up, you can pass the breath back and forth every three breaths until you get to a certain number or for a specific amount of time.
If you don’t have a Hoberman sphere, various gestures or sounds can represent the breath as it is passed from one child to the next. The first person might say, “Breathing in,” and then turn to the next person. Both, together, say, “Breathing out.” Then the second person says, “Breathing in,” and the pattern repeats.
THE HUMAN MIRROR
Another fun game for all ages that teaches paying attention to and attuning with others is the Human Mirror. Many of us played versions of this game when we were kids, and in retrospect we can see how much it cultivates interpersonal mindfulness.
You can do this practice as a partner with your child. The two of you should sit or stand facing each other. Decide which of you will be the leader first.
The leader begins by moving parts of his or her body, starting slowly and then speeding up. The other person mirrors the movement. After a minute or two, ring a bell or signal in another way that it’s time to switch roles. Now your child moves, and you follow.
Continue taking turns for as long as you like.
In a variation, the leader makes different facial expressions representing different emotions. Another, more intense variation is to have the partners maintain eye contact the entire time and use only their peripheral vision to notice movement.
If you are doing this practice with two kids, you can take turns being the leader while the other two players follow. Or you, the adult, can be the facilitator and timekeeper while the kids play as a pair.
If you are doing this practice with a group, divide it into pairs. It’s best to pair up the kids yourself, rather than deal with the anxieties of letting the kids choose partners. Before you begin, decide whether or not you want to include physical contact and, if so, how. You may want a musical accompaniment to inspire movement.
Large-Group Version: The Human Kaleidoscope (or the Human Mandala)
My therapist friend Ashley Sitkin taught me this version of the Human Mirror, which is suitable for more advanced groups. Create a circle with an even number of people and assign them partners directly across from each other within the circle. One partner takes the lead, making free movements with hands and arms, moving in and out as the other partner follows. Everyone else is doing the same, so that if the circle were viewed from above, there is some symmetry to it, as there is in a kaleidoscope. At the change signal, the players move on around in the circle, eventually coming back to their original positions. Another group variation is to have everyone mirror one person, who leads the entire group with their movements.
Cultivating Mindfulness Through Creativity
Play, games, and movement are ways to creatively engage kids in mindfulness. Arts, artistic expression, and creativity are other ways. Engaging in the arts teaches wonderful coping skills, and we can enhance that by bringing more mindfulness to the activity.
MINDFUL COLORING
I’ve been surprised at how powerful and calming the simple act of coloring, especially coloring certain types of patterns, can be when I’m working with clients of all ages. Forms like fractals, mandalas, Celtic knots, and labyrinth shapes all echo forms found in nature, and research suggests we are evolutionarily wired to feel calm and safe in the presence of such patterns. Carl Jung believed that mandala shapes tapped into the collective unconscious that is built into us as human beings. Similar patterns and archetypes are found across cultures.
One of my tougher kids, a few years back, was an eighteen-year-old who had just been released from jail. In one of our first meetings, I laid out some colored pencils and photocopies of fractal patterns, and soon enough he was carefully selecting pencils and coloring the patterns. Before he realized it, he had opened up and was talking about deep vulnerabilities, from his troubled relationship with his father to other intimate subjects that I never expected him to share. The power of these patterns is startling.
There are plenty of free images online and inexpensive coloring books available, including the trendy new genre of coloring books for adults. Fractals and mandalas are great abstract images for all ages. Many coloring books on mandalas have imagery that relates to different cultural heritages and that may be appealing to a diverse range of kids. Coloring books of art, architecture, and design motifs may also engage kids with different interests. Consider also the coloring tools—markers, crayons, or colored pencils—and how they encourage awareness of smell, sound, and touch, in addition to the visual act of coloring.
This creativity practice is another opportunity for creative expression. It is inspired by my colleague Joan Klagsbrun, an expert in focusing practice, which shares many commonalities with mindfulness. She has adapted the first step in the focusing process, called “clearing a space,” for kids. All you need are some small pieces of paper, markers or crayons, and a small gift box or gift bag for each kid you’re working with.
Place the drawing materials in front of each child, and place each child’s bag or box in front of them a bit further away. Then follow this script:
Take a moment and find your mindful posture, closing your eyes if you feel comfortable.
Take three mindful breaths and tune in to feelings and emotions in your body. You can close your eyes if you like, and even put a hand over your heart to help you focus.
Now, check in and see if there are any feelings or thoughts in the way of your happiness. If your heart is like the sun, are there any feelings that are like clouds blocking the sun’s rays? Maybe a strong feeling?
(After allowing ten or twenty seconds for reflection, ring a bell or somehow signal a pause.)
Open your eyes and take a minute to write some words or draw a picture of what kind of cloud is blocking your inner sunshine.
(Give the kids about a minute to draw or write.)
Now, fold up your paper and place it in the box [or bag] in front of you.
Take a few more breaths and tune in again. Is there anything else in the way of you being fully happy and present, of letting the sun shine?
(Give the kids another ten to twenty seconds, or until you see a lot of squirming and peeking.)
Once again, open your eyes and draw, doodle, or write down what that is, and put the paper in the box.
(Give the kids about a minute to draw or write.)
Take a few more breaths and tune in again. Is there anything else in the way of you being fully happy and present, of letting the sun shine?
(Give the kids another ten to twenty seconds.)
Once again, draw, doodle, or write it down and put it in the box.
(Give the kids about a minute to draw or write.)
Now, I’d like you to take the box and place it at whatever distance feels comfortable for now.
(Kids might set it a few feet in front of them; some may even get up and walk across the room to set down the box.)
Now, tune in and feel your inner sun shining. With each breath, let the clouds drift away and the sunshine appear. Now that you’ve cleared some space in front of the sun, for the rest of the day it may be easier to come back to your inner sunshine.
And now, take a few moments and see if any words or images come to mind about your inner sunshine, and draw or write about these on your last sheet of paper.
(Give the kids about a minute.)
We will finish for now. For the rest of the day, remember that you can always just take a few breaths, clear away the clouds, and tune in to your inner sunshine.
(Ring a bell or signal the end of the practice in another way.)
You can do many variations on this creative practice. Because I use little owl-shaped gift boxes I found at a party store, I say, “Give them [the drawings or words on the paper] to the wise old owl.”
Other images and questions can be used to clear a path to the present moment or to happiness. You could have kids visualize a path in the woods and see the things that are blocking the path. You could ask them to imagine weeding a garden to let the beautiful flowers bloom, asking them what is in the garden that they don’t want, and having them pull it out like a weed, or asking what is not in the garden that they do want, and having them plant it and give it water or sunshine. Younger kids will understand things in the way of their happiness; older or more experienced kids may appreciate clearing the clouds or a path to the present moment. You can also ask questions like, “Is there anything from the past or future in the way of the present?” Teens may not even need the drawings to identify these past and future elements.
Note: you will want to be sure the kids keep their boxes and that they don’t end up in the wrong hands, or have everyone recycle their boxes together so that the kids feel safe.
WRITE YOUR OWN MINDFUL BREATHING MEDITATION
I first began my own mindfulness practice in earnest after a powerful retreat experience with Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh when I was taking time off from college. I bought his book Being Peace, which contains a series of wonderful images and words for breath meditations.1 In that book he brings visualization and rhythm to the breath, which can be hard to focus on alone. These examples generally capture the idea:
Breathing in, I know that I am breathing in . . .
Breathing out, I know that I am breathing out . . .
In . . .
Out . . .
Breathing in, my breath grows deep . . .
Breathing out, my breath goes slowly . . .
Deep . . .
Slow . . .
Breathing in, I see myself as a flower . . .
Breathing out, I feel fresh…
Flower . . .
Fresh . . .
I have found using Thich Nhat Hanh’s phrases and imagery particularly powerful with children. In his book Planting Seeds, he includes ways to make artistic activities out of these practices through drawing.2
These stanzas made up my earliest practice—the images and rhythms making it easy for my mind to stay focused and still as I practiced. I used a tape recorder (yes, it was that long ago) to record myself so I could listen later, and I soon realized the imagery was infinitely adaptable. Since that time, I’ve created new imagery in collaboration with kids and adults for their own meditations.
Consider your kids and what imagery might be helpful to them, given their background or what they are struggling with. Start with an image, perhaps of something natural, and then draw that image and contemplate its qualities. For example, for kids struggling with anxiety or impulsivity, still water might be a good image. Still water reflects the world around it clearly. Still water settles and has depth. Still water is calm, serene, and resting. When water is still, the reflections on it are not distorted, and even if there are ripples on its surface, it can be calm underneath, as experienced in the extended Stone in the Lake visualization practice in chapter 5.
Breathing in, I see myself as a lake.
Breathing out, I feel still and calm.
Lake . . .
Stillness . . .
(Repeat.)
Thich Nhat Hanh often begins with lines such as, “Breathing in, I know I am breathing in” or “My breath grows deep/slow,” and then adds lines with imagery.
The formula is pretty simple: contemplate an object with the breath, then contemplate its healing qualities. Creating your own mindfulness meditation becomes almost like a Mad Libs game, incorporating imagery and the qualities that we are seeking to cultivate. Here are some prompts to help kids find imagery that works for them:
“Breathing in, I see myself as . . .” (an image: certain animals, trees, mountains, lakes, oceans, rivers, water, air, valleys, fire, flowers, sunshine, stars, earth, sky)
“Breathing out, I feel . . .” (qualities: strength, fearlessness, calm, bravery, reflection, stability, awareness, confidence, openness, perseverance, presence, generosity, flexibility, acceptance, courage, energy)
You can try variations using actions, such as “smile to myself,” “accept myself,” “am aware,” “savor the moment,” and “enjoy my breath,” and then active words such as watching, feeling, calming, caring, releasing, healing. For example:
Breathing in, I smile to myself.
Breathing out, I accept myself as I am.
Smiling . . .
Accepting . . .
Another variation is to breathe in a desired quality and breathe out an undesired quality, such as stress, fear, or depression:
Breathing in, I breathe in relief.
Breathing out, I breathe out stress.
Relief . . .
Stress . . .
The variations are infinite. For a frightened child, you could pick a lion for bravery or a mountain for confidence: “Breathing in, I am a lion. Breathing out, I feel brave” or “Breathing in, I am a mountain. Breathing out, I am strong and confident.” For a depressed child, try sunshine or sky: “Breathing in, I am the shining sun. Breathing out, I am the open sky.”
The main idea is to have fun and write something together. You can then have the kids draw their images on a small piece of paper, mindfully bringing attention to the sights, sounds, and smells of drawing, and write their verses on the other side. They can share their drawings and verses with one another, if you’re working with a group. You and they can also record their verses on their computers or smartphones so they can carry the words with them to listen to any time.
OTHER WRITING IDEAS
There are plenty of other writing activities that emphasize and teach both mindfulness and compassion. Recent research has shown that writing (and reading) first-person accounts increases compassion and empathy. Journaling and expressive writing have long been shown to benefit health and mental health.
Play and creative expression are where new ideas and insights are born. On top of that, they are just plain fun. Regardless of how long it’s been since you’ve played freely, played games, or practiced creativity, get out there (or get in there) and spend some time just playing. Find some toys, browse the aisles of a toy shop, sneak into your toy chest when the kids are gone, and let yourself explore. Smelling crayons, wetting your fingers with paint, making up goofy mindful lyrics to an existing song—whatever you choose to do, allow yourself to let go, step out of the judging mind, and just be in the moment. See what mindful games and practices arise out of letting yourself play or create freely, without adult self-consciousness, allowing new ideas and connections to arise. (And if you come up with anything good, let me know.)
There are good reasons to use metaphor, poetry, and art when we teach abstract concepts such as mindfulness, and good reasons they are a big part of the mindfulness tradition. Recent fMRI studies have looked at how the brain reacts to hearing poetry, music, and other creative means of expression.
Hearing both poetry and music stimulated regions of the brain associated with memory and emotion, and poetry also lit up the posterior cingulate cortex and the medial temporal lobes, both of which are associated with introspection.3 So maybe poets are deep after all.
We know that metaphors tap into something deep and healing in the human unconscious (see chapter 5). A recent study found that sensory parts of the brain light up in response to sensory metaphors.4 Engagement with the arts has also been linked to better critical thinking and social tolerance.5